21 Jumpstreet
by Anwa
Summary: My very own episodes.
1. 1: In Excess, part 1

_**All right, this would be my first flirtation with the cast of 21 JUMPSTREET. And while I am a huge fan of the show, I may not have the characters quite right yet. Which is why I beg of you to please write in your comments and suggestions. Formatting, storyline, characters lines, characters (I haveadded my own character in for my own enjoyment), whatever. My ears are open and my computer is on!**I am totally and completely willing to rewrite portions or even the entire thing if it's not correct. Even though I have become quite the review whore since visiting with the GILMORE GIRLS these past few months, I will be able to look past the small review numbers...lol...we really need more people on this part of the site. Maybe somebody should campagin for Nick at Nite or TV Land to add 21 Jumpstreet for the sake of exposure! _

_Anyways, this positing is going to be a series of scirpts creating up on season of 21 Jumpstreet goodness. Each script will be in two parts, because posting forty some odd pages of script is hard on the eyes and on the computer. _

_**If anyone is intrested, I'd love a partner in crime on this one. Just leave your e-mail in a review or e-mail me, whatever works.** Thanks much._

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**21 JUMPSTREET**

_**Episode One: In Excess**_

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_Scenes of a large group of teenagers at a party, drinking large amounts of alcohol and some drug using. Lots of laughing, loud talking, loud music—general chaos. Cut to shot of next morning, girl (SAMANTHA RHODES) lying face down in the street._

_OPENING CREDITS_

_INSIDE JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. IOKI and PENHALL are playing darts. HANSON sits in a corner filling out some paper work._

IOKI: Hey man! You cheated!

PENHALL: How can I cheat at darts with you standin' right there?

HANSON: He's got a point you know

IOKI: _(to HANSON) _I don't know how, but somehow, he cheated! Nobody gets three bulls-eyes in a row! It's not possible!

PENHALL: Uh, yea. Apparently it is.

HANSON: Easy, luck

PENHALL: Skill

HANSON: Luck

PENHALL: All skill, baby

HANSON: _(shuts notebook) _All right then _(stands up and walks over to PENHALL and IOKI) _prove it. Prove your mad skill

IOKI: Baby

PENHALL: All right, I will _(walks over to dart board and grabs the darts out of the center. Walks back) _Watch and learn, boys _(readies to throw dart)_

_(LAMPTON walks in)_

LAMPTON: _(loudly, as PENHALL throws dart) _Hello?

_(HOFFS walks in just as dart sails past her head)_

HOFFS: Hey! Watch it Penhall!

IOKI: _(smugly) _all skill, right?

PENHALL: _(pointing at LAMPTON) _She interrupted me! Not fair! I call a do-over!

HANSON: But, a man with talent such as yours shouldn't need a do-over. _(Walks over to LAMPTON. Places hands on shoulders) _He would not have even been bothered by this lovely young lady and made the shot. Right Iok?

IOKI: I'd testify to that

HANSON: _(Lifting hands off LAMPTON'S shoulders) _I rest my case.

HOFFS: You do realize that after all of that, you still haven't figured out who this girl is and why she is here. Which is more important then if Penhall cheated or not.

PENHALL: _(to IOKI) _Spoilsport

HOFFS: _(Walks over to LAMPTON) _Hi, I'm Judy Hoffs _(they shake hands)_

LAMPTON: Priss Lampton. I was just transferred here. I need to check in with Captain Fuller. Do any of you guys know where I might be able to find him?

IOKI: Yeah, hang on a sec there _(yelling) _Hey! Captain Fuller! _(to LAMPTON) _He should be here any minute. I'm Harry Ioki.

LAMPTON: Pleasure. But are you sure I can't go and find him? I'd rather him now that I'm here now. On time. Because on future dates when I am late more frequently, I'd like to have a date that I could refer back to for my timeliness.

PENHALL: Eh, I come in late all the time. It's no big deal. Doug Penhall, nice to meet ya. (_Pauses, then motions towards LAMPTON'S hair) _Nice hair. Pink, it's a, a great color for you. Suits your coloring.

LAMPTON: Thanks, but ah

HOFFS: Don't worry about it. And, we're sorry about the mess, we just re-established the program, we're still working on cleaning up the place.

HANSON: _(waves to LAMPTON) _I'm Tom Hanson, by the way _(walks back over to notebook sitting in corner. Takes a seat and begins writing again)_

PENHALL: You got a test or somethin' tomorrow, Hanson?

HANSON: No

PENHALL: Then what's with the notes?

HANSON: They're for my last case. I'm putting together a report. Ever heard of it?

PENHALL: I might've

_(FULLER enters)_

FULLER: You called?

IOKI: _(points to LAMPTON) _Your new recruit, boss

FULLER: Oh, you must be Priscilla Lampton. Your old captain told me you were coming down.

LAMPTON: You knew Captain Teets?

FULLER: Of course. I know all the Captains. We have a club.

LAMPTON: Oh

FULLER: I'm kidding

LAMPTON: _(Unconvincingly) _Oh, I knew

FULLER: Sure thing. Anyways, I'm sure you've met everyone and have heard that we're currently doing some remodeling. Everything should be up and about in about a week or so. Your desk is that one right over there next to Hanson's _(points to old, dusty desk)_

LAMPTON: Thanks

FULLER: Now that's were done with all the introductions, let's get to it then. _(Motions towards conference table)_

_(PENHALL, HANSON, IOKI, HOFFS, and LAMPTON take seats at the conference table)_

FULLER: All right, here we go, kiddies. I need the break down of the situation over at Amherst, Penhall? How goes the Jones boys?

PENHALL: Dull. Dull. Dull. Dull.

HOFFS: Still nothing?

PENHALL: Last night they showed me their chemistry project. One of 'em erupting volcanoes, y'know.

HANSON: I made one of those in second grade. How old are these kids?

PENHALL: Seventeen. But not to bright. I don't know, it might have something to do with the massive amounts of drugs they've been trafficking and huffing.

IOKI: That'd do it.

FULLER: All right, all right, all right. Just stick to those boys for now, Penhall, they are our best bet. But you might also wanna keep an eye out for alternative suspects as well. (to HOFFS and IOKI) And what about Greenwood? Any exciting new developments happening?

HOFFS: Mary Limpton invited me to her party tonight. Figured I might stop by and try and scope out some new leads. Limpton sure hasn't given me much.

IOKI: Yeah, same goes for Karl Birch. The kid's definitely taking steroids, but I don't think he knows that he is. I'm hoping to get a little closer to his coach, y'know, watch what he tells Karl and stuff. My theory is that the coach is slipping him the goods.

FULLER: Do Limpton and Birch share the same coach?

HOFFS: Yeah. John Smith.

PENHALL: John Smith? Don't you think that could be an alias?

IOKI: Yea, we did. But we checked it out awhile ago. He really is a John Smith.

FULLER: Any record?

HOFFS: _(shakes head)_ Not really. Got a traffic ticket once for speeding, but seeing as how our very own Penhall has gotten about five of those, I don't think that's much to go on.

FULLER: All right, all right. Ioki, why don't you try out that coach angle, as well as go to the party tonight with Hoffs to scope out new angles. Sound good?

HOFFS: Sure thing, boss. We'll even save ya some pizza

FULLER: That's my girl. _(to LAMPTON)_ All right, Priscilla my dear, time to get you acquainted with out little program here.

LAMPTON: Yes, sir, I was wondering exactly what role I would be playing in this. My previous captain said that this program sends young-looking officers in as, and please tell me if I'm wrong, high school students?

FULLER: Bingo

LAMPTON: So I'll be going back to high school

PENHALL: The girl's a certified genius!

IOKI: She should get some kind of award for that statement. Mind boggling.

HOFFS: Hey, guys. She's new. And there's no such thing as a dumb question

HANSON: Actually, I think she just proved you wrong, Hoffs.

FULLER: _(to PENHALL, HANSON, and IOKI)_ Hey, Lampton's new. She's allowed a few stupid questions._ (to LAMPTON)_ Yes, Lampton, you will be going back to high school. Occupational hazard.

PENHALL: But at least you have the right look, right Hanson?

HANSON: Is it such a problem that I dress my age?

PENHALL: You're twenty-three, not dead.

_(HANSON gives PENHALL a look)_

FULLER: Your look is fine. But you have to get back into a teenage mindset. Now I know Captain Jenko was a master at training you guys for it, but I, however, never stayed in touch with my inner teenager. So, I'll leave you guys to take Lampton here under your wings and show her a thing or two.

HOFFS: I'd be glad to show her a thing or two

FULLER: _(to HOFFS)_ That'd be great, Judy.

HOFFS: No problem, Captain

FULLER: All right, Lampton, your hair will work out wonderfully for the case I have in mind for you, but I must warn you that sooner or later you just might have to dye it back to whatever your natural color is

HANSON: Well, you never know, Captain. She could be a natural pink-head

PENHALL: Yes, I've heard a few rare cases of that

IOKI: Ah yes, Inquirer Magazine. Good stuff in there. I think it was next to the bat boy article.

PENHALL: You read it too?

FULLER: Enough

PENHALL: I do have to ask, did you get that done or did you do it yourself?

LAMPTON: Yep, just another Friday night.

PENHALL: _(smirking)_ You were drunk weren't you?

LAMPTON: Very much so.

PENHALL: I think I'm gonna like this girl

HOFFS: She's a girl after your own heart, isn't she?

FULLER: Oh lord, here we go

PENHALL: Ah, Hoffs. Don't be jealous. You're still my number one girl.

_(HOFFS rolls her eyes and smiles)_

_(PENHALL smiles back)_

HANSON: _(coughs)_ On that note, _(turns attention to FULLER)_ what's my new assignment, Captain, you said somethin' would be commin' in for me today

FULLER: Yep, I've got a dozy. I'm sure you've all heard the news about the girl's death

IOKI: From City High School, correct?

FULLER: You got it.

HANSON: Wait, we're investigating a murder?

FULLER: Yes and no. We're investigating the circumstances of Samantha Rhodes's death. Whether or not it was murder is up to you and Hanson to investigate

PENHALL: Wait, you're sending a new recruit out on a murder case?

FULLER: She worked at homicide before coming here. She's no newbie to murder cases.

HANSON: Isn't this a job for the actual homicide department?

FULLER: If you were a teen that was at a mad crazy party drinking like a fish, then the next morning, after you've recovered from your hangover, you discover that at that same exact party a girl died and the events of said party are now being blasted all over various medias. Would you be the first kid to a) say that you were at the party and be investigated by the police or b) say that you were at the party and have your parents find out that you're a mad partier?

HANSON: All right, Jumpstreet it is

FULLER: That's exactly what homicide said

HANSON: What's our story?

FULLER: Hanson, I'm glad you asked. Your name will be Tom Brown, nice and generic, and Lampton you'll be Priss Saunders. You're both transfers from Southern, with a little bit of a rap sheet, nothing much, but enough to prove that you two would party if the opportunity came up

LAMPTON: Like?

FULLER: Well, in your last school you were cited for several uses of tobacco on school grounds

IOKI: What where they smoking on the playground or something?

PENHALL: Now, that's just crazy talk. Everyone knows that you go and smoke behind the trash cans.

FULLER: And you pulled a couple of pranks together

HANSON: Like what?

FULLER: Well, one that I have listed on your transcript is that you two dyed a girl's hair bright orange while she was passed out in the bathroom

LAMPTON: How could we have possibly done that?

PENHALL: You skipped chem.

IOKI: Wanted a real world example

HANSON: So, are we friends then? Adoptive siblings? What?

FULLER: Well you're not adoptive siblings, but I think for the image you're going to want to portray, I think boyfriend and girlfriend might play it out the best

HOFFS: How so?

IOKI: Why, jealous of our new recruit all ready, Jude?

HOFFS: Harry

PENHALL: She's my number one girl. Hanson can get his own.

FULLER: Focus, would you guys?

HOFFS, IOKI, and PENHALL: Sorry, Captain

FULLER: _(to HOFFS, PENHALL, and IOKI)_ Thank-you _(to HANSON and LAMPTON)_ These kids party in couples. It'll be easier for you two to get accepted into their group if you are a couple.

LAMPTON: What about other angles? How are we supposed to work them if we're stuck in the party-couple group?

FULLER: I'll send everyone else in as soon as they finish up their own cases. Until then, you'll just have to listen.

HANSON: When do we go in?

FULLER: Tomorrow. We've gotta do some rush training with Lampton here, then we're gonna throw her to the lions

LAMPTON: What kind of training?

FULLER: _(to LAMPTON)_ You're a teenager again, remember? We've got a lot of ground to cover in only a couple of hours. _(to PENHALL, IOKI, and HOFFS)_ Well you three better get outta here. You got class.

IOKI: Aye, aye, Captain _(walks out)_

PENHALL: Why, Judith, may I have the pleasure of escorting you to your motor vehicle? _(offers HOFFS an arm)_

HOFFS: Why, I'd be honored, Douglass

_(HOFFS and PENHALL link arms)_

HANSON: Learn well

PENHALL: Sure thing, mommy dearest

_(HOFFS and PENHALL exit)_

FULLER:_ (to LAMPTON)_ I'll leave you and Hanson to get better acquainted. I want to believe that you two are a couple by the end of the day

HANSON: Never thought I hear that ever

LAMPTON: No kidding

FULLER: Welcome to Jumpstreet

_THE NEXT DAY. CITY HIGH SCHOOL. HANSON drives in to the parking lot in his car accompanied by LAMPTON in the front seat. Students are hanging all around the parking lot and the front of the school. Two guys (CRESTON and MIKE) stand next to their car parked nearby HANSON and LAMPTON'S car._

CRESTON: _(to MIKE)_ Well, lookie here, looks like we've got ourselves a new babe! Better not let your girlfriend see! _(CRESTON and MIKE approach LAMPTON)_

MIKE: _(to LAMPTON)_ Hello there, beautiful. You must be new here, I'm Mike Goodspeed and this is my good buddy, Creston DeGray.

CRESTON: Well, Southern is such a large school, and if you're interested, we'd love to show you around. A girl like you could use a couple of big, strong guys around, right?

LAMPTON: Bite me

CRESTON: With pleasure

HANSON:_ (to LAMPTON)_ Hey, babe, you ready?_ (kisses her forehead)_

LAMPTON: Of course

HANSON: _(to MIKE and CRESTON)_ Are you finished with your little discussion here? Cause me and my girlfriend really got to get to class. First day and all.

MIKE: _(backing away)_ Yo, dude, we didn't know she was you're girlfriend

CRESTON: Still, you might wanna watch your back

MIKE: _(to CRESTON)_ Dude?

CRESTON: Let's just consider the fact that she might not always want to be his girlfriend. Who knows? Maybe they'll have a big fight one day, and she'll come crying to us.

LAMPTON: I wouldn't bet on it _(grabs HANSON'S hand)_ Let's go, babe.

_(HANSON and LAMPTON walk away)_

_BIOLOGY CLASS. LAMPTON and HANSON stand in front of the class next to MR. HOBBS. THE CLASS is talking loudly._

_(LAMPTON and HANSON walk into MR. HOBB'S BIOLOGY CLASS)_

MR. HOBBS: Ah, you must be our two new transfers!

HANSON: Yep, I'm Tom Brown

LAMPTON: Priss Saunders

_(School bell rings)_

MR. HOBBS: All right, class, settle down.

_(THE CLASS quiets down)_

MR. HOBBS: _(to THE CLASS)_ All right, we have two new students joining us today all the way form Southern High School, I'd like to introduce Ms. Priss Saunders and Mr. Tom Brown. I'm sure you'll all do your best to help make them feel welcome here. _(to LAMPTON and HANSON)_ All right, Ms. Saunders you may take a seat over there _(points to desk in corner)_ and Mr. Brown you may take the seat next to her.

_(HANSON and LAMPTON make their way to their seats)_

HANSON: _(whispering)_ Welcome back

LAMPTON: _(to HANSON, whispering) (sarcastically)_ Can't think of a single reason why I would have ever wanted to leave.

_(HANSON and LAMPTON take their seats)_

_Girl (SARAH SWANE) leans over next to LAMPTON while MR. HOBBS begins teaching)_

SARAH: So, you from Southern, huh?

LAMPTON: Depends on how much you trust your biology teacher. He could be a pathological lair.

SARAH: A sense of humor. Cute. That how you bagged that guy _(motions towards HANSON)?_

LAMPTON: Something like that

SARAH: I'm Sarah, by the way, Sarah Swane

LAMPTON: Priss Saunders

SARAH: So, where did you meet a guy like that?

LAMPTON: A party, actually. A big blow out at Southern

SARAH: You mean by someone from Southern

LAMPTON: No I mean at Southern. You see, we broke into the school late one Saturday night, and partied in the Principal's office. You mean you didn't hear about that? It was all anyone could talk about for weeks at our school.

SARAH: Did you get caught?

LAMPTON: Why else do you think I'm here?

SARAH: You were expelled?

LAMPTON: More like politely asked to leave

SARAH: No way!

LAMPTON: Well our parents donated a lot to the school, so I guess it was a rule or somethin' that they couldn't kick us out, so all they could do was politely ask us to leave.

SARAH: So you guys broke into a school together but you didn't know each other?

LAMPTON: He was a friend of a friend.

SARAH: So, what did you guys just find a quiet corner or talk or somethin'?

LAMPTON: Nah, he just came up and kissed me

SARAH: He just kissed you?

LAMPTON: Well, honestly I think he was a little out of it, and granted so was I, but we just started kissing randomly, and that's how we were introduced.

SARAH: When did this happen?

LAMPTON: Last year

SARAH: Wait, it took them a year to figure out who broke into the school?

LAMPTON: Nah, that only took a couple of weeks. We did a lot of other stuff that got us 'politely asked to leave'. I think the finial straw was putting the school up for sale.

SARAH: _(laughs)_ You put the school up for sale?

LAMPTON: Even got a few offers

MR. HOBBS: _(clears his throat)_ Miss Swane and Miss Saunders should we leave the room? Are we disturbing you by attempting to learn the interworkings of the frogs' digestive system

SARAH and LAMPTON: No sir, we sorry sir (etc)

_LATER. LUNCH ROOM. HANSON and LAMPTON are sitting at an empty lunch table eating_

HANSON: Wait we broke into the school to have a party

LAMPTON: Where we met a year ago

HANSON: By me walking up and kissing you, just out of the blue, randomly?

LAMPTON: Got it _(she looks around)_ What, do we have fleas or something?

HANSON: Whatda mean?

LAMPTON: Nobody's sitting with us

HANSON: Give it time

LAMPTON: Still, you think somebody would want to

HANSON: You were a popular girl in high school, weren't you?

LAMPTON: _(shrugging)_ I was okay, I mean, I wasn't Prom Queen or nothin'

HANSON: _(smirking)_ But you wanted to be

LAMPTON: Not really

HANSON: I bet you had a secret desire to be

LAMPTON: Wouldn't have been caught dead

HANSON: _(makes a 'tisking' noise)_ You know, it's bad to lie

LAMPTON: _(rolls eyes)_ It's also bad to chew with your mouth open

HANSON: I do not chew with my mouth open

LAMPTON: Do you have food in your mouth?

HANSON: Yeah, so?

LAMPTON: Are you talking?

HANSON: _(sarcastically)_ No

LAMPTON: Does your mouth open when you talk?

HANSON: Hey! This doesn't count! You're encouraging it!

LAMPTON:_ (sarcastically)_ Yes, I have quite the fetish for open-mouth chewers

_(CRESTON approaches)_

CRESTON: _(taking a seat next to LAMPTON)_ Hey, did ya miss me?

LAMPTON: _(sarcastically)_ How could you tell?

CRESTON: Well that longing look in your eye when you spotted me walking across the lunch room towards your exact table might have given me a clue

LAMPTON:_ (sarcastically)_ Oh, how well you know me

HANSON: I thought we discussed this earlier, man

CRESTON: _(to HANSON) _What? I'm just talkin' here. No harm in that. _(to LAMPTON)_ You know what, sweetheart, you never gave me your name.

LAMPTON: _(sarcastically)_ Wonder how that happened

HANSON: _(sarcastically)_ Must have just slipped your mind, huh?

LAMPTON:_ (sarcastically) _Must have

CRESTON: Well, it's a good thing I'm here then, so you can fix such a tragic mistake

LAMPTON: Hmm, I don't know. I don't like giving my information out to strangers.

CRESTON: But you know my name, so how does that make me a stranger?

LAMPTON: I don't know anything about you

HANSON: And her boyfriend is sitting right across from her

LAMPTON: Sorry man, looks like you're just outta luck

CRESTON: Are you sure there isn't anything I can do to change your mind?

LAMPTON: I don't think so

CRESTON: Oh, come on there has to be something, right?

LAMPTON: No, no, not that I can think of

CRESTON: You like parties? I can get you into the best ones!

LAMPTON: Well

CRESTON: I was talking to Sarah in math and she told me all about your escapades at Southern High School, and while I applaud your efforts, they are no where near the quality of a City High party.

HANSON: I don't know, I mean, ours are going to be pretty hard to top

CRESTON: Trust me, give me your name and I'll get you into any party thrown by this school, even some thrown by other schools

LAMPTON: All right, it's Priss

CRESTON: And do I get a last name to go with that, Priss?

LAMPTON: Saunders

CRESTON: Priss Saunders, what a beautiful name, for a beautiful lady

LAMPTON: And this is my boyfriend, Tom Brown

CRESTON: _(to HANSON)_ You got a brother named Charlie or something? _(laughs)_

_(HANSON and LAMPTON exchange looks)_

_(SARAH approaches)_

SARAH: Oh, there you two are! Come on, join our table! _(Grabs LAMPTON and pulls her away)_ You too, Tom! And Creston! Did you guys all get lost or something?

_LATER THAT DAY. JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. HOFFS, PENHALL, and IOKI are playing cards at the table. Movers are moving new desks and technicians are hooking up telephones. LAMPTON and HANSON enter._

LAMPTON: Do I have some kind of sign or something?

HANSON: Whatda mean?

LAMPTON: A sign that say's 'hey, creepy, annoying guys! Talk to me!'

HANSON: Nah, I think it's the hair

LAMPTON: Thanks. Maybe I'll change it back to red

HANSON: Then you'll have to deal with bulls running at you

LAMPTON:_ (sarcastically)_ I'll keep that in mind during my annual trip to Spain for the Running of the Bulls

HANSON: Glad to be of service

HOFFS: What is this about?

HANSON: Lampton here is the hit of the school

LAMPTON: I'm being hit on by a sixteen year old kid. I feel gross.

HOFFS: Wait 'til you're asked out by one

PENHALL: I forgot about that kid! He was what, fifteen? Probably wouldn't have been much of a date. His mom would have driven you two to the movies, waited outside in the car while he awkwardly tries to feel you up in the movie theater

HOFFS: Put a sock in it, Penhall

PENHALL: Why, Judy, I'm hurt

IOKI: I don't think you're her favorite anymore, Penhall

HANSON: Looks that way, doesn't it?

PENHALL: Jud, ah, come on. You know you love me. _(to IOKI)_ She does like me, right? She's just not being polite or somethin' cause we work together?

IOKI: I don't know man. It's pretty if-y

HOFFS: Buy me dinner tonight, and I might change my mind, Douggie dearest. Food does work wonders on a girl.

PENHALL: It's a date!

_(FULLER enters)_

FULLER: How about you two crazy kids hold off on that date until tomorrow night at least. Remember, Hoffs, you and Ioki have got that party to go to tonight

IOKI:_ (sarcastically)_ Whoopee. How could I have forgotten about that?

LAMPTON: So, whatda we do now?

HANSON: _(laying down on one of the nearby tables)_ Homework

LAMPTON: What kind of homework?

HANSON: Eh, I think we got a little math to do, some bio was in there as well. English, history, hell, I even got some art in there too.

LAMPTON: You mean I actually have to do all of that?

PENHALL: Not all of it, you're a badass, remember? Just enough of it to pass through

IOKI: Relax, Fuller could have sent you in there as a smart kid. Then there'd be hell to pay.

LAMPTON: Goody _(sits down angrily and pulls out history textbook. Begins reading)_

_LATER THAT NIGHT. LAMPTON and HANSON are sitting on the table in the CHAPEL playing Indian Poker and drinking beers._

LAMPTON: So, what's up with Penhall and Hoffs? Are they together, not together? What?

HANSON: There Doug and Judy, the most official looking non-official couple in the world

LAMPTON: So they have a thing for each other?

HANSON: I think so, but neither of them will admit it

LAMPTON: Weird

HANSON: So, what's the worst case you've had to date?

LAMPTON: _(shrugging)_ Nothing I couldn't handle yet

HANSON: You were in homicide, there had to be something

LAMPTON: I'm barely out of the academy. I had pretty much gotten past the hazing and was just starting to get my feet wet when my captain calls me into his office to tell me that people find it hard to take me seriously as a cop

HANSON: Offered you the same bum deal, huh?

LAMPTON: Yep._ (Pauses)_ So what about you? Any cases that've really gotten to you yet?

HANSON: No, nothing really

LAMPTON: You sure?

HANSON: I mean, most of these kids I'd rather stop when they're young and can still change, y'know. You gotta look at it as a positive thing you're doing. Otherwise, yeah, this stuff will get to ya.

LAMPTON: This case is pretty horrible. I mean just walking around that school you wouldn't know that a girl had died.

HANSON: I know

LAMPTON: So, what's the deal with this place, anyways? I mean, you don't hear about operations like this much

HANSON: It was Jenko's baby, really. I think it's a good program to get involved in, for now anyways. I mean, I know eventually I'm gonna branch out into other areas of police work, but I might as well do this until then. Better then a desk job.

LAMPTON: This Captain Jenko sounds like a pretty cool guy. Wish I could meet him.

HANSON: He was killed by a drunk driver a little while ago

LAMPTON: Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know

HANSON: How could you have?

LAMPTON: I'm sorry

HANSON: Yeah well, me too. _(Clears his throat)_ So, what's your story, anyways? I mean, I've spent an entire day with you posing to be your boyfriend, and I don't know a thing about you.

LAMPTON: There's nothing much to tell

HANSON: All right, here's an easy one, why'd you dye your hair pink?

LAMPTON: I was drunk

HANSON: And you just had the dye laying around or somethin'

LAMPTON: Yeah, somethin' like that

HANSON: Descriptive

LAMPTON: I was at a friend's house, and we were all a bit tipsy, and my friend who's a hairstylist thought it'd be great to dye my hair pink to match my pink shirt. And at the time, this reasoning made sense.

HANSON: All right, now we're getting somewhere

LAMPTON: What about you, now that we're having this bonding moment, buddy? Tell me something about Tom Hanson.

HANSON:_ (smirks)_ I hate peas

LAMPTON: Revealing. Has Oprah heard about you? She'd love to have somebody like you come on her show and share

HANSON: Well, I do my best

LAMPTON: Now tell me something substantial, bucko

HANSON: All right, something substantial? My father died when I was in high school

LAMPTON: Oh, sorry

HANSON: Don't be. It's not like you pulled the trigger or somethin'. I've delt with it.

LAMPTON: Good, then. Good that you delt with it.

HANSON: You ever had a parent die?

LAMPTON: Not in the physical sense of the word

HANSON: What do you not get along or something?

LAMPTON: Something like that. _(Pauses)_ Tell me something _(HANSON looks up)_ did you get along with your dad? Y'know, before _(pauses)_ it happened?

HANSON: _(Smiles faintly, gives small nod)_ Yeah, yeah, me and my dad got along great. He's probably one of the biggest reasons I'm a cop today.

LAMPTON: Oh, was he a cop as well?

HANSON: _(Nodding)_ One of the best

LAMPTON: That's nice, that you and your father could get along

HANSON: Why, haven't you ever gotten along with your parents?

LAMPTON: _(shakes head)_ No

HANSON: Never?

LAMPTON: Never

HANSON: Oh, come on. You must have gotten along with them at some point!You're what? Twenty-two, twenty-three?

LAMPTON: Twenty-three

HANSON: You've had to have had a few moments, right?

LAMPTON: There is a lot of baggage between me and my parents.

HANSON: Why don't you try talking with your parents more. Y'know, confront some of the baggage.

LAMPTON: It's the kind of baggage that's not gonna go away, or get better anytime soon.

HANSON: Yeah, but until you confront the problem, it isn't going to go away.

LAMPTON: Well, this way seems to work best for everybody, so I'm not gonna push my luck.

HANSON: Now you're just being stubborn.

LAMPTON: It's a Lampton family trait

HANSON: Yeah but nothing ever going to get better until you try

LAMPTON: Tom, I have tried. I've tried a lot. And they just don't want to hear it.

HANSON: What's so horrible that your own parents don't want to be around you?

LAMPTON:_ (bluntly)_ I had a kid when I was sixteen.

HANSON: Come again?

LAMPTON: I have a daughter. Emma. She's six and three quarters. I had her when I was sixteen.

HANSON: You have a daughter?

LAMPTON: Yea

HANSON: Why didn't you say anything earlier? Y'know when we first met and were attempting to get to know each other.

LAMPTON: It's stupid

HANSON: No, come on, tell me. We're bonding remember?

LAMPTON: _(sighs)_ I liked the way you looked at me

HANSON: Come again?

LAMPTON: I don't mean in any sort of romantic way or anything, I just mean that you treated and looked at me like everyone else. Like I was just some other bum cop you were on an assignment with.

HANSON: And who's to say that I would have treated you any differently knowing that you have a six year old daughter?

LAMPTON: Six and three quarter. She'd kill you if she heard you call her just six. She's much older then just a six year old.

HANSON: I'm sorry, who's to say that I would have treated you any differently knowing that you have a six and three quarter year old daughter?

LAMPTON: History. Everyone that finds out about her before they meet me and get to know me, tend to act like I have leprosy or something. You should see the other parents, they hold out this ten foot pole between me and them, like I might attack them or something. Hell, even if people meet me first then find out I have a daughter treat me different afterwards. I become delicate. Like a piece of glass or something.

HANSON: Why'd you risk telling me then?

LAMPTON: Honestly? I don't know.

HANSON: I'm glad you did

LAMPTON: Me too. I felt weird hiding it. (Pauses) It's just that everyone else I've met, especially the parents of the other kids don't really seem to, well, they don't really

HANSON: _(Cutting in)_ They really don't like you

LAMPTON: Yeah. To put it bluntly. _(Pauses)_ I think it's the hair mostly

HANSON: Then why don't you change it back?

LAMPTON: Because I like pissing them off more then I like having them like me

HANSON: Because that makes total sense

LAMPTON: _(looks at her watch)_ This might sound really random and maybe even inappropriate on some level, but do you like bowling?

HANSON: _(blinks)_ It's my second greatest love

LAMPTON: Oh yeah? What's your first?

HANSON: Pizza

LAMPTON: Ah, very true

HANSON: Now's your turn to explain the random-ness

LAMPTON: Every Tuesday night at six, at the bowling alley near my house, they have a family bowling night where you can bowl all you want and eat as much pizza as you want for fifteen bucks a head. Granted you also have to have a kid ten or under with you to get in and pay the cash, but it's not a bad deal.

HANSON: No, no, that would be a very good deal.

LAMPTON: Well it's sort of become a tradition for me and Emma to go bowling Tuesday nights now, and I wouldn't mind the company

HANSON: Are you asking me to come?

LAMPTON: Only if you want too

HANSON: I'd love too

LAMPTON: All right, let's go bowling

_A FEW HOURS LATER. Shots of HANSON, LAMPTON, and EMMA bowling, eating pizza, LAMPTON and HANSON drinking beer._

_THE NEXT DAY. CITY HIGH SCHOOL PARKING LOT. HANSON and LAMPTON drive in._

LAMPTON: Thanks again for coming last night. Emma really liked you.

HANSON: Really?

LAMPTON: Who else could have taught her how to throw a strike with such grace and skill?

HANSON: Well certainly not Penhall

LAMPTON: Oh, never

HANSON: We should do that again some time

LAMPTON: Hey we do it every Tuesday, if you ever want to come again, feel free

_(SARAH approaches)_

SARAH: Hey you two

LAMPTON: Salutations

SARAH: That's so cute that you guys drive to school together. You know, my boyfriend, Mike, would never drive me. Him and Creston, you know Creston, always drive together. It's like some sort of male bonding thing or whatever.

HANSON: Yeah, guys are weird like that

SARAH: Yeah, even when Creston was dating Rachel Stevens, which I don't know if you know, but they went out for like two years, just broke up about a month ago, it was really sad, they never drove to school together. He had to get in his guy time with Mike.

HANSON: Yeah, that guy bonding. Really important.

LAMPTON: Extremely

SARAH: Anyways, I came here to talk to you about this big blow out Creston's having this Friday. His dad owns his mega huge house, and is going to be gone for the entire weekend, which means we'll get to party our asses off!

LAMPTON: Sweet

SARAH: All right, it's at ten o'clock, at 2443 San Lorenz Drive.

HANSON: All right, we'll be there

SARAH: But you guys can hold your liquor, right?

HANSON: Yea, why?

SARAH: _(looks around) (whispering)_ Well about two weeks ago, Jimmy Casis had this huge blowout, and someone invited this girl who hadn't drank before, Sam I think her name was, to it, and she couldn't hold her liquor at all!

LAMPTON: Isn't that the girl that died?

SARAH: _(Hushes LAMPTON)_ Keep it down!

LAMPTON: _(Whispering)_ Sorry

SARAH: _(whispering)_ Anyways, we don't need any more publicity for these things, y'know? Cops are starting to ask questions, and I don't want to be fingered as one of the people!

HANSON: _(whispering)_ One of the people who what?

SARAH: Oh, now I'm telling you too much

LAMPTON: You can trust us, Sarah

HANSON: We wouldn't rat you out. Hell, even if we did nobody would believe us!

SARAH: _(nods)_ Yea, yea, I guess your right. _(Whispers even more softy)_ Some people though it'd be funny to get her real drunk. She wasn't a party girl, if you know what I mean. I don't even know why she was at this party in the first place. But apparently she had a lot to drink. A lot. Then, as a joke, they decided to drive off and leave her stranded in the middle of nowhere. They all thought she was fine. I mean, from what I've heard, she was up and about when they left her.

HANSON: Do you know who did it?

SARAH: _(Shakes her head)_ And I don't want to know.

_(HANSON and LAMPTON exchange looks)_

LAMPTON: Thanks for the heads up

SARAH: No problem

_J__UMPSTREET CHAPEL. HOFFS, FULLER, IOKI, LAMPTON, HANSON, and PENHALL are all sitting around at the conference table discussing the case._

LAMPTON: Well Sarah's the first person to even mention that a girl died recently at their school. And she just sounds like a busybody gossip to me.

HANSON: I think we need to talk to the family. Find out what Samantha Rhodes was even at the party in the first place.

LAMPTON: We can't go in, what if that blows our cover?

PENHALL: I just finished up my case, I could check it out for you

HANSON: Oh, you finally busted our two certified geniuses?

PENHALL: Apparently the smoke coming out of the volcano wasn't made from dry ice _(IOKI gives him a look) (to IOKI) _Think about it, man

IOKI: _(after a moment) _Oh, gotcha

PENHALL: So, if you need me to, I can go and talk to her parents, get a feel for who she is. Maybe you two could stop by and pay your condolences or something.

HANSON: That might be a little weird. Us showing up out of the blue like that.

LAMPTON: Does she have any siblings? Maybe we could buddy up to one of them?

HANSON: _(checks the file) _Nope, only child. Parents names are Nancy and Frank Rhodes. Both are lawyers.

LAMPTON: Maybe we could go over there, if they're lawyers. They're bound to know how to keep a secret.

FULLER: _(to HOFFS and IOKI) _Well we know Penhall's ready to go in, where are you two on your cases?

HOFFS: No, we're still stuck, captain

IOKI: Sorry

FULLER: That's perfectly all right, we'll just send Penhall in

HANSON: Sarah Swane did say that Samantha Rhodes was not one of the popular girls. Maybe we should figure out what group she hung around, and then dress Penhall up to match.

FULLER: Let's call in the parents and have a sit down with them here. I don't want you three heading out in that direction and getting spotted. That's a lot of explaining to do. _(a piece of plaster falls from the ceiling) _Hopefully they won't mind the mess.

PENHALL: _(looking up at the ceiling) _Maybe their outdoorsy. Used to roughing it.

HANSON: I'll make the call. _(looks up at the ceiling) _Hey it looks like rain.

FULLER: _(annoyed) _Go make the call

HANSON: You know, Captain, these are very unsafe working conditions

FULLER: _(more annoyed) _Hanson

HANSON: Just let me pull out my construction hat _(FULLER gives him a look) _As I go make a phone call to the Rhodes family.

**END PART ONE.**

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_Now, quick little FYI: I know the the character generally change their last name to something that starts with the same letter of their old name. Truth be told that I didn't realize this until too late, and I really didn't want to go back AGAIN to change it. _

_On that note: **Please Review.**_


	2. 1: In Excess, part 2

_Well, this part was actually supposed to go up with the last one, but we've had some internet dificulties, so that didn't exactly happen...but, ah well, I don't mind the extra reviews it'll give me. Hope you all approve of the conclusion!_

_Thanks to: **Twinmom, Sandsitive, Derangedfangirl, Ghostwriter, **and** Rosie Day** for the reivews._

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_THE NEXT DAY. PENHALL, HANSON, FULLER, and LAMPTON are sitting with NANCY and FRANK RHODES at one of the tables. _

NANCY RHODES: This is a police station

FULLER: Again, we apologize for the mess. We're currently undergoing some remodeling.

NANCY RHODES: And your police officers?

HANSON: Yes, m'am. Fully qualified.

FRANK RHODES: Looking into my daughter's case? This is the team of officers they assigned! You guys look like hooligans!

NANCY RHODES: Frank

FULLER: Let me explain the Jumpstreet program, Mr. and Mrs. Rhodes. The force chooses young looking officers to go into high schools and stop the crime. Students are more likely to divulge information to their peers then they are someone that they do not know and do not trust

FRANK RHODES: So you're tricking our kids into trusting you, then backstabbing them?

HANSON: We are trying to help you, Mr. Rhodes. And I know that you are understandably upset right now, but you have to trust in our abilities as police officers.

PENHALL: Now, if you could just answer a few, simple questions, we might be able to fully determine the circumstances of your daughter's death.

FRANK RHODES: Fine. But if this doesn't work

LAMPTON: You'll just have to trust us, Mr. Rhodes

FRANK RHODES: Fine

HANSON: What crowd did your daughter hang around?

NANCY RHODES: What do you mean?

HANSON: What did she like to do after school? What clubs or activities was she involved in? Maybe the names of some of her friends.

NANCY RHODES: I don't see how that is important

LAMPTON: Mrs. Rhodes, from our information your daughter was out of place at the party. We are trying to figure out why she went, so maybe we can piece together her state of mind a little better.

FRANK RHODES: Well I didn't know she was going to a party. She said she was going to a study group over at her friend Sarah's house.

HANSON: Sarah?

FRANK RHODES: Sarah Burnhart

HANSON: And who did she say was going to be at the study group, Mr. and Mrs. Rhodes?

NANCY RHODES: Oh, why, a lot of the group she hung around. I remember her saying that Johnny King was going to be there, and Michael David, Gabe Matthews, then Kerry Smitt, and I think Carl Bran.

PENHALL: _(writing down names) _All right, thank-you so much for the information. We'll be sure to keep you posted. Feel free to come down to the Chapel anytime you want.

FRANK RHODES: _(Harshly) _I still think this job is for homicide _(pause)_. You know, the grown-ups.

LAMPTON: Mrs. Rhodes, if it's any consolation, I used to work in homicide and am a recent transfer here at Jumpstreet. I am fully qualified to work a murder investigation, and I have complete confidence in my peers' abilities to work this case as well.

FRANK RHODES: _(looks LAMPTON up and down) _If you were so talented at homicide, why aren't you still working there? Do they not allow pink hair?

HANSON: _(agitated) _You are understandably upset, Mr. Rhodes, but that does not mean that you can take cheap shots at the officers who are working your daughter's case.

PENHALL: If you have any further questions about the case, we will be glad to answer them for you. _(NANCY and FRANK RHODES are quiet) _No? All right then, follow me, I'll take you back to your car.

_(NANCY RHODES, FRANK RHODES, and PENHALL exit)_

LAMPTON: _(sticks her tongue out) _Stupid heads

HANSON: Says the mature officer

_(LAMPTON rolls her eyes and sticks her tongue out at HANSON. HANSON sticks his tongue out at LAMPTON)_

HOFFS: I'd hate to leave before I can join in on all this tongue-sticking action, but I've got myself a date tonight

HANSON: Tongue-sticking action?

IOKI: You know, that almost sounded dirty

LAMPTON: Out of context of course

HOFFS: Oh get your heads out of the gutters!

_(HOFFS exits)_

IOKI: Well, I've got a date tonight with my paper work, so I'll be heading out

HANSON: Why don't you just finish it here, Harry?

IOKI: I just get more done at home. There I don't have Penhall distracting me with darts or something.

HANSON: Good point

LAMPTON: And you two should probably stay away from darts as much as possible

IOKI: Will do. See ya.

_(IOKI exits)_

FULLER: Well, you two crazy kids have fun, I'm heading out

HANSON: What you got a hot date or somethin' tonight, Captain?

FULLER: I'll leave that to your imaginations

LAMPTON: Ah, come on, Fuller! You gotta give us somethin'!

FULLER: Nah, I prefer to keep my mysterious exterior

_(FULLER exits)_

HANSON: Well, unlike everyone else apparently, I'll be sticking around here going over this case. You gonna join me, or do you have some hot date waiting for you as well?

LAMPTON: Nah, I can stick around for a bit.

HANSON: What time do you have to get home?

_(They sit and take out some of the folders)_

LAMPTON: Phoebe's there tonight, I should be all right.

HANSON: Phoebe?

LAMPTON: My hairstylist friend

HANSON: Because that explains everything

LAMPTON: She's my sometimes roommate slash babysitter hairstylist friend

HANSON: Quite the title

LAMPTON: Well she's quite the friend

HANSON: Do you pay her really well or something?

LAMPTON: Contrary to popular belief, she doesn't do this that often. Usually she goes to a day care center after school, but I thought we might be working on the case tonight, so I asked Phoebe if she wouldn't mind watching Emma for me.

HANSON: And how's she a sometimes roommate?

LAMPTON: Serious boyfriend

HANSON: Ah, gotcha

LAMPTON: Now back to work!

_(They start flipping through the notes)_

LAMPTON: _(while reading) _So, you think Penhall's coming back?

HANSON: _(while reading) _Who do you think is Judy's hot date?

LAMPTON: _(while reading) _Is there something going on there?

HANSON: _(while reading) _Nah. Judy just likes the occasional free meal and Doug likes being seen with a hot girl. It's a win/win situation.

LAMPTON: Well when you explain it like that

_SOME TIME PASSES. HANSON and LAMPTON are still looking at the case files._

HANSON: So, we still haven't answered the question of why Samantha Rhodes was at that party to begin with

LAMPTON: We'll need Penhall for that. He's the only one that can get in with her crowd. We committed to the party circle, and Samantha Rhodes was not a member in the least.

HANSON: I know, it's just that one point keeps bugging me

LAMPTON: Who knows? Maybe she wanted to be popular and thought that going to a party and drinking would make people like her

HANSON: No

LAMPTON: Teenage girls are not the most rational of beings

HANSON: Still, that's crazy. And she's smart, I mean just look at her grades! She was going to a study party for Christ's sake. She wouldn't do something that stupid

LAMPTON: Tom, I think it's just a case of a girl trying to fit in too hard. She hadn't had alcohol before, didn't know her limit, and passed out

HANSON: But those kids did leave her out in the middle of nowhere

LAMPTON: And we'll bust them on it, but you're acting like there's a ton more to this case then what there is.

HANSON: I still don't like it

LAMPTON: Well, maybe Penhall will prove you right

HANSON: But then you'd be wrong

LAMPTON: It wouldn't be the first time

HANSON: Wow

LAMPTON: What?

HANSON: That's weird

LAMPTON: How so?

HANSON: I've never had a girl admit to being wrong like that. Usually with a girl I'm always the one that's wrong.

LAMPTON: Well I am the perfect person

HANSON: Wouldn't the perfect person never be wrong?

LAMPTON: Who says I'm wrong? Penhall hasn't proven anything yet.

HANSON: Whatever _(sticks his tongue out at her)_

LAMPTON: _(sticks her tongue out at him) _Loser

HANSON: Double loser

LAMPTON: Triple loser

HANSON: This could get out of hand

LAMPTON: Very out of hand

HANSON: We should stop

LAMPTON: Totally

_(They both go back to reading)_

_(HANSON crumples up a stray piece of paper and throws it at LAMPTON)_

LAMPTON: Oh no you didn't

HANSON: Yes, yes, I believe I just did

_(LAMPTON grabs some left over chips and throws them at HANSON)_

HANSON: Hey!

LAMPTON: You started it!

_(They start throwing things at each other, moving around the room as they do so. Eventually HANSON tackles LAMPTON from the side and they both fall down, pushing food into each other's faces)_

LAMPTON: And I do believe that I won that battle

HANSON: How so, I'm on top

LAMPTON: But you're covered in more food them I am

HANSON: That's because you threw more food then I did. Being the gentleman that I am, I decided to throw more paper items then food items.

LAMPTON: You dragged out the soda, Mr. Gentleman, sir

HANSON: Well, I had to get even some how, you were pulling out the ice cubes. And let me tell you something, those hurt.

LAMPTON: Oh, poor baby

HANSON: Yes, I hurt very much

LAMPTON: Very much?

HANSON: Oh, very much

_(PENHALL enters)_

PENHALL: I leave you two alone for a couple of hours and this is what I come back to!

_(HANSON and LAMPTON pull apart and sit up)_

LAMPTON: _(Points at HANSON) _He started it

HANSON: Well you grabbed the food! The mess is her fault!

PENHALL: Seriously, do I have to get a babysitter next time! Look at this place! Fuller's gonna go crazy when he sees this!

LAMPTON: Sorry

HANSON: Yeah, we're sorry, Doug

PENHALL: You two really let me down tonight. I leave you guys alone for a couple of hours, give you some freedom and independence, and this is the thanks I get!

LAMPTON: You know freedom and independence mean the same thing

HANSON: I know he was being very repetitive

LAMPTON: Very repetitive.

PENHALL: Oh put a cork in it, all right?

HANSON: Fine

PENHALL: And I think we're supposed to be getting in a new janitor soon anyways. Might as well give him something to do _(walks over to conference table)_ So, besides the food fight, what have you guys been up to?

LAMPTON: _(walks over to conference table and takes a seat) _We're still trying to make heads or tails of this case

HANSON: You're gonna have to get in with her group of friends, man. We've got the school gossip on our side, but that's about it _(walks over to conference table)_

PENHALL: What have you two been told so far?

LAMPTON: Just what you know. Samantha Rhodes wasn't supposed to be at that party on all accounts. She drank too much and some kids thought it'd be funny to drive her off and leave her somewhere.

PENHALL: Joyous _(takes a seat)_

HANSON: I'm going to try to get this ice cream out of my hair _(walks off towards bathroom)_. Woah. Never thought I'd say that sentence in my adult life.

PENHALL: _(muttering) _You know, you could have at least waited until I got here to start the food fight

LAMPTON: I'm sorry, Doug. It was out of our control.

PENHALL: It just would have been nice, y'know?

_THE NEXT DAY. BIOLOGY CLASS. MR. HOBBS is standing at the front of the classroom, collecting homework assignments from the previous night. PENHALL is standing at the front of the class. A bell rings._

MR. HOBBS: It seems we have yet another new student, this time coming to us from Central High School just down the road. I'd like to introduce you all to Mr. Doug Penn.

PENHALL: _(waves)_ Hey

MR. HOBBS: All right, Mr. Penn, just take your seat _(points towards an empty seat next to GABE)_ right over by Mr. Matthews

PENHALL: Sure thing _(takes his seat)_

GABE: Hey, I'm Gabe

PENHALL: If you somehow forgot in the past three seconds, I'm Doug _(they shake hands)_

GABE: How was it over at Central?

PENHALL: It was a bit of a party school for my tastes, but y'know, find the right crowd and all, it's not so bad

GABE: No kidding, man. I know exactly how you feel.

MR. HOBBS: All right, then, if Mr. Penn and Mr. Matthews are quite finished, we shall start back up where we left off

GABE: Sorry

PENHALL: Yeah, sorry

MR. HOBBS: Thank-you _(begins lecturing again)_

GABE: Hey what's your best subject?

PENHALL: Aren't we not supposed to be talking?

GABE: Ah, he won't notice. He's deaf in one ear.

PENHALL: Good to know

GABE: So, what is your best subject?

PENHALL: Why?

GABE: Well, we have this study group, right? And well, we kinda lost a member. So, we could use an English person, if you're up for it.

PENHALL: I love English

GABE: All right then, it's every Wednesday at six. We usually change houses and stuff, but if you want to come, just tell me before Friday, all right?

PENHALL: Sure thing, man

_LATER THAT DAY. PENHALL, LAMPTON, and HANSON are walking near the school during their lunch break._

HANSON: So, I saw that you and that Gabe kid were getting friendly during Bio

PENHALL: Yeah, apparently I'm now 'good at English'

HANSON: You? Well, you are a master of certain aspects of the English language, but I doubt it's the part that these kids are studying

PENHALL: No shit

LAMPTON: So, are you in?

PENHALL: Apparently Samantha Rhodes was the English link in their study group, and I'm supposed to fill her shoes

LAMPTON: How did he seem?

PENHALL: Whatda mean?

LAMPTON: Well, he just lost a friend. Did he seem upset?

PENHALL: No, actually. He didn't even mention her. He just said that they had somebody leave their group and they needed someone to fill the English part of it

HANSON: Granted, she could have left previous to the party, in order to pursue a party life style. Cause I don't think you can be a party girl and be a member of a study group

LAMPTON: Good point, maybe the link isn't in the friends after all

PENHALL: She had to confide in somebody. I mean, this girl couldn't have just fallen off the face of the earth friends wise

LAMPTON: Teenage girls are strange

HANSON: Girls are strange

LAMPTON: Mature

PENHALL: But it true! I mean, make up your minds, would you? And what's with the mind games? Oh, oh, and why are you always wanting to talk?

HANSON: Yeah, what is with that talking thing?

PENHALL: Men aren't that complex. We don't have many thoughts.

HANSON: Yeah

LAMPTON: _(sarcastically) _Thanks for that, I'll file that away for my next relationship. We'll talk in cavemen.

HANSON: Good

LAMPTON: _(Grunts agreeingly)_

PENHALL: We better separate, we're getting near the school again

HANSON: See ya around man

LAMPTON: _(Grunts)_

_LATER (AFTER SCHOOL). PENHALL is sitting in the library reading Pride and Prejudice. GABE approaches with two friends (KERRY and MICHAEL)_

GABE: Hey Doug_ (GABE, and friends (KERRY, and MICHAEL) all sit down)_

PENHALL: _(looks up from the book)_ Hey, Gabe. What's up?

GABE: Nothing much. Just starting on some homework, y'know. _(Pulls out Math book)_ Oh, by the way, these are some people from the study group I was telling you about this is _(points to girl (KERRY))_ my dear friend and close colleague Kerry Smitt, she's our science whiz, and this is (_points to guy (MICHAEL))_ our resident funny man slash math genius, Michael David. Guys this is the guy I was telling you about, Doug Penn. He's an English guy.

KERRY: We could use another English guy

PENHALL: What happened to your old one, anyways? Gabe never told me.

MICHAEL: She _(pauses)_ she left _(looks sad)_

PENHALL: Oh, sorry to hear that

KERRY: Yea, we were too. She was damn good at English

PENHALL: Was?

GABE: _(Laughs awkwardly)_ As you can see, Kerry can barely even speak it correctly, which is why Sam came in handy so much _(shoots KERRY a look)_

PENHALL: _(Laughs awkwardly)_ Oh, I see. This is where I come in handy, huh?

GABE: We have been meaning to ask you, are you better at grammar or literature?

PENHALL: Depends on the literature

KERRY: Well he is reading Pride and Prejudice, I'd say he's a modest literature man.

GABE: Then he'll be perfect

PENHALL: I thought this Sam girl was your grammar go-to gal

GABE: No, that's my job.

PENHALL: Wait a second, how many people are in this group, anyways?

MICHAEL: Let's see _(counting on fingers)_ There's Sarah, she's our world history girl, then there's Johnny for US history, and Carl for physics and chemistry, then us three, so six, plus one for English, seven.

KERRY: See, he is good at math

GABE: So, you wanna try us out? I mean, you probably shouldn't commit, I mean we won't know how you'll fit with the rest of the group until you've actually been with all of the group, but from what I've seen I think you'll be a good fit.

PENHALL: Cool

GABE: _(Motions towards Pride and Prejudice)_ How is that, anyways? I've got a paper due Thursday.

PENHALL: It's intense

GABE: _(Thinking it over)_ The intensity of the characters and plot. There could be a paper in there.

PENHALL: You guys are the brainiacs of the school?

KERRY: What were you expecting the Easter Bunny or something?

_LATER THAT NIGHT. JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. HANSON, LAMPTON, HOFFS, and IOKI are sitting at a table going over case folders._

HOFFS: I have to agree with Priss, Hanson. Samantha Rhodes sounds like she was just trying to fit in. I think you should just focus on busting the kids that left her in the middle of nowhere.

HANSON: It's just not rational. And she seems like a rational girl.

IOKI: Just because you're smart doesn't make you rational, take Judy for example

HOFFS: Hey!

LAMPTON: Well he did call you intelligent before he insulted you

HOFFS: Well, I am intelligent and perfectly rational

IOKI: I'm just saying, sometimes you let your emotions guide you more then your head. And there's nothing wrong with that. It's just how you work.

HOFFS: Tell him Hanson! Tell him I am perfectly rational!

HANSON: Well

_(HOFFS hits HANSON)_

HANSON: Perfectly rational. No emotional guidance whatsoever

LAMPTON: Way to beat that out of him, Jude

HOFFS: I am rational!

IOKI: _(to LAMPTON)_ See

LAMPTON: Yep, yep, perfectly rational

_(PENHALL enters, angrily slamming down his books and such on the desk)_

HANSON: Bad day?

PENHALL: _(shortly)_ No, I had a perfectly grand day. So grand in fact I think I better call the President to let him know just how frickin' great my day was

HANSON: Somebody seems a bit grouchy

_(PENHALL throws his copy of Pride and Prejudice at HANSON)_

HANSON: Okay a lot grouchy

LAMPTON: _(Picks up the book)_ Oh, wow. Pride and Prejudice! This is one of my all time favorites!

HOFFS: Oh I loved that book

LAMPTON: I almost cried when Mr. Darcy proposed and Elizabeth turned him down for the first time, then she gets that letter

HOFFS: Oh the letter!

LAMPTON: Then when he proposes again

HOFFS: So wonderful

LAMPTON: And when Mr. Bingley left

HOFFS: Without telling Jane!

PENHALL: _(worriedly, with an almost girly quality)_ Mr. Bingley leaves!

HANSON: You could at least do that in a masculine 'I don't care that you just ruined part of the book for me' kind of way

PENHALL: But Mr. Bingley leaves! How could he leave? I thought he loved Jane!

IOKI: And I thought you had a bad day

PENHALL: Well it just got worse

HOFFS: Sorry we ruined about half the book for you, Penhall

LAMPTON: Yea, we kinda ruined most of the Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth storyline

PENHALL: Ah, who cares about them. It's common sense that they'll get together in the end. I mean just look at any other romantic comedy _(HANSON looks at him)_ that I was forced to watch by several girlfriend. At gunpoint!

HANSON: Nope, no recovery

PENHALL: Yeah, I know

HOFFS: We're getting off topic here

IOKI: Jude, we've been off-topic for the past five minutes. This is nothing new.

HOFFS: Yeah, but we better get back on topic before Mr. Rhodes comes back here and rings our necks for not being 'mature officers' like we promised

HANSON: _(shrugs)_ I always thought maturity was over-rated, myself

HOFFS: Hanson!

HANSON: Sorry

LAMPTON: _(whispering)_ Free will is also apparently over-rated

HANSON: _(whispering)_ When it comes to Judy Hoffs, yes

HOFFS: I heard that!

LAMPTON and HANSON: _(bowing their heads)_ Sorry

HOFFS: Now, the case _(turns to PENHALL)_ Whatcha got for us?

PENHALL: I think Samantha Rhodes left their group. They all seem a bit sore at her, if you know what I mean. None of them have told me that she was the girl that got killed, instead they just say that 'she left' whenever I ask.

IOKI: We need more then assumptions to make a case

PENHALL: I know, I know, I need to get one of them to crack.

HOFFS: She had to confide in somebody

LAMPTON: Maybe one of the guidance counselors?

PENHALL: Over her friends?

LAMPTON: They don't sound to friendly about her to me. They could have just been using her for the study group. For all we know, they could have hated her guts.

HOFFS: That would give her a reason to leave

HANSON: Maybe we should try the counselor angle

LAMPTON: Who should we send in?

HOFFS: Well we send Penhall, we have the threat of the study group getting jumpy and not letting him in

IOKI: How so?

HOFFS: If that was who Samantha Rhodes confided in, and you knew it, would you be hip to let another person in who confided in the same person?

IOKI: I guess it makes sense

HANSON: But why would the counselor tell her to go to that party?

LAMPTON: Maybe he told her to be more social

HANSON: And what better place to do that then a party

LAMPTON: Got it

HOFFS: _(sighs)_ I don't know, guys. I just don't think we know enough about this girl yet. I mean, she had to have friends. So far all we've got is a study group, maybe they weren't necessarily her friends.

PENHALL: Judy's right, there has to be something we're missing

LAMPTON: Hey, Hoffs

HOFFS: Yeah?

LAMPTON: When you were a teenager, did you keep a diary?

HOFFS: Yeah, but _(gets it)_ I bet Samantha Rhodes kept a diary!

PENHALL: And that would tell us who her friends were and why she went to the party, right?

HOFFS: That's perfect!

LAMPTON: So, Ioki and Hoffs you two should go to the Rhodes' house, get the diary and bring it back here

HANSON: And if that's a bust, me, you, and Penhall will go to Creston's party to find out if they would try to force alcohol on a person like Penhall

PENHALL: And until then I should try to be seen with Samantha Rhodes' study group as much as possible before I show up on Friday

IOKI: Then if they force alcohol on you, act drunk quickly and see if they'll drop you off in the middle of nowhere

HOFFS: And even if they don't push alcohol on you, still act drunk quickly and see if they'll drop you off in the middle of nowhere

PENHALL: _(laughs)_ This job is perfect! I can hold my alcohol better then all of you wannabe losers!

LAMPTON: All right, it's settled then. Unless we get better results from the diary, we're going to Creston's party Friday.

_THE NEXT DAY. RHODES' HOUSE. HOFFS and IOKI are standing in the living room talking with NANCY RHODES._

NANCY RHODES: I apologize again for my husband's behavior the other day

HOFFS: Oh, it was perfectly understandable, m'am. You are both going through a tuff time emotionally.

NANCY RHODES: That's no excuse

IOKI: Really, it's quite okay, m'am.

NANCY RHODES: _(sighs)_ Well, what can I do for you, officers?

HOFFS: We were wondering if your daughter kept a diary

NANCY RHODES: I think so, why?

HOFFS: It could help with the investigation

NANCY RHODES: I'll go get it for you then. You can bring it back with you.

IOKI: That would be great, thank-you, m'am.

_(NANCY RHODES exits)_

HOFFS: So we may not even have to go in

IOKI: This is nice for a change

HOFFS: Yeah, a lot less stressful. I mean no threat of being found out. No potential drug busts. We just hear what they found out, help analyze a little bit, then go make a few trips here and there to grown-ups houses.

IOKI: A little bit more judgmental, though

HOFFS: _(laughs)_ Maybe against the other ones, but we're the normal pair, remember?

IOKI: Good point

_(NANCY RHODES enters, with the diary in hand)_

NANCY RHODES: Here you go _(hands diary to HOFFS)._ Don't be afraid to stop by if you need anything else, all right?

IOKI: Will do, m'am

HOFFS: Thanks again

_LATER. JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. HANSON, LAMPTON, IOKI, HOFFS, PEHALL, and FULLER are sitting at one of the conference tables reading the diary. HANSON pulls out an umbrella. FULLER gives him a look._

HANSON: What? Just in case.

_(LAMPTON, IOKI, HOFFS, and PENHALL chuckle)_

FULLER: Oh, not you guys too

HOFFS: Oh, never Captain

PENHALL: We're the mature ones

FULLER: _(annoyed)_ Just read the diary

HOFFS: _(opens up to last filled in page, begins to read)_ Here we go _(starts reading segment)_ 'Talked with Kerry again today, she thinks we should both go to the party together. I don't know, though. I mean, as much as I want to be more social, I don't think that Jimmy Casis' party is the best start'

PENHALL: Wait a second, Kerry? As in Kerry Smitt?

HOFFS: Well if that's the only Kerry she knows then I'd assume that, yea

PENHALL: No way

LAMPTON: She was there that night, then. At the party.

PENHALL: Then if she didn't leave the group, why are they acting like she did?

IOKI: Maybe there's something more in the diary, flip back a few pages

HOFFS: _(flips through the diary)_ Oh my god

HANSON: What?

HOFFS: It seems that Samantha Rhodes had a secret boyfriend

PENHALL: Who?

HOFFS: Michael David

PENHALL: Boyfriend? He acted like he just didn't care!

HOFFS: It says here that they didn't tell anyone. Their friends, their parents. They just acted like they were friends.

LAMPTON: Why? You'd think she'd at least tell her friends.

HOFFS: She just wrote 'it'll crush her to know'

PENHALL: Who's 'her'? Dammit! I thought this girl was good at English! Anyone heard of proper nouns! Hello?

HOFFS: I've got a theory

IOKI: What?

HOFFS: Kerry Smitt

PENHALL: Yeah, what about her?

HOFFS: What if Kerry Smitt is the 'her' in the entry? And she found out about Michael and Samantha!

LAMPTON: Then asked Samantha to come to the party, had her drink a lot, and had the guys drop her off in the middle of nowhere.

HANSON: That's giving her a lot of credit

PENHALL: She's a smart girl. I wouldn't put it past her.

IOKI: Still, that's a lot of credit. And that doesn't explain why the friends would be angry at Samantha Rhodes and not Kerry Smitt.

HOFFS: Well we know that Kerry Smitt brought Samantha Rhodes to the party. What if she told everyone else that Samantha was leaving the group to be with the popular crowd?

HANSON: Then they could all be potentially involved

IOKI: How so?

HANSON: What if Kerry brought Samantha to the party, got Samantha wasted while she stayed sober, called the study group to tell them where Samantha was and what she was doing, probably embellishing a little depending on the person, and they all decided to play the prank on her

HOFFS: That's going to be hard to prove, Hanson

LAMPTON: And it sounds a little cold, even if the set-up is right.

HANSON: Then how do you think it happened?

LAMPTON: Maybe Kerry only wanted Samantha to get really, really trashed, she'd push her on some guy, then call up Michael to catch them in the act. But Kerry isn't a drinker either and she wouldn't know how much is too much. Maybe it was just a body drop, and the story spread that some people thought it'd be funny to leave her in the middle of nowhere.

IOKI: There aren't a whole lot of credible witnesses out there. They were all drunk.

FULLER: And we can't bring this Kerry girl in for questioning on just a hunch. That might blow the whole case. We need more proof.

HOFFS: What if we bring in Kerry for some quick, routine questions about Samantha Rhodes? You know, put some pressure on her.

PENHALL: Nah, she's too smart for that.

HOFFS: But not smart enough to know when her friends had too much alcohol?

FULLER: We need to find out who exactly was at that party. So far all we have is theories backed up by more theories with a few hunches thrown in for good measure!

HANSON: Let's stick with our original game plan, then. With Penhall going to the party. I assume the same group of kids are going to show up at the party. Me and Lampton can bring cameras or something to document.

HOFFS: What's that going to prove?

HANSON: If Kerry Smitt is innocent, and we're just jumping to conclusions, they'll probably try to push a lot of alcohol on Penhall. If she isn't, they ignore him completely, and we'll bring her in for questioning.

FULLER: On what grounds?

HANSON: Routine questioning

IOKI: _(to PENHALL)_ Maybe after that you could try and get Kerry to open up to you about what happened

LAMPTON: Nah, if we're right, she'll go to Michael David

HOFFS: Priss is right, she'd be more apt to confide in either her best girlfriend or the guy she's madly in love with, not some guy she just met

PENHALL: So what are we going to do?

FULLER: I agree with Hanson, let's stick to the original plan. We may just be jumping to conclusions about Kerry Smitt.

PENHALL: All right, captain

FULLER: Just don't drink too much, Penhall. A couple of beers then I want you acting like you've gone and drunk all the beer in Germany, you hear me?

PENHALL: I think this will be the only case where I'll ever get to hear that phrase

HANSON: I think that's the only time in your life, Doug

PENHALL: Good point

_A FEW HOURS LATER. Everyone is at their respective desks. HOFFS approaches LAMPTON._

HOFFS: Hey

LAMPTON: Hey back

HOFFS: So we haven't had much of a chance to talk have we?

LAMPTON: Not really

HOFFS:_ (looks at a picture on LAMPTON'S desk)_ Oh, is this your daughter? _(Picks up the picture)_ Hanson told me about bowling. Wow. She looks so much like you.

LAMPTON: _(smiling)_ Yeah, but she's got Kyle's nose though

HOFFS: Kyle? Oh. Is he the father?

LAMPTON: Yeah. The father. The bastard. The sperm-guy. Any work.

HOFFS: _(puts the picture down)_ So, her name is?

LAMPTON: Emma

HOFFS: Emma, that's pretty

LAMPTON: I really wanted to name her Elizabeth, y'know after Elizabeth Bennet, but I couldn't get over how much I hated the sound of that name. It's so formal. Even with the nicknames. I mean I grew up with Priscilla, trust me I know a thing or two about having a formal name

HOFFS: _(laughing)_ Yea, Elizabeth does sound a bit stiff for a girl that has a mom with pink hair

LAMPTON: _(smiling)_ Why does everyone keep fixating on the hair?

HOFFS: _(laughing)_ Sorry, honey, but it kinda jumps out at you

LAMPTON: Emma likes it. Once she fell down the stairs, biggest scare of my life by the way, I was about one panic attack away from banning her from stairs for life. Anyways she had to get her arm in a cast, and she decided to get it in a pink cast to match her mommy's hair

HOFFS: _(cooing)_ That's adorable! Now I want one.

PENHALL: Don't get any ideas, Judith!

HOFFS: And who says I wanted you to be the father?

PENHALL: Well out of the three of us here, you know I'm your favorite

HOFFS: Well, in these past few weeks working with Harry, I feel as though I am growing closer to him. Not only as a person. But as a woman.

IOKI: Sorry man. I can't help it. I try fighting off these women, but they just come at me in droves. Sometimes one or two of them get through.

PENHALL: Sure thing, Iokage

LAMPTON: _(stands up)_ Well this has been fun, but I gotta head out. _(to IOKI and HOFFS)_ See you two lovebirds tomorrow. _(Exits)_

HOFFS: I admire her

HANSON: _(confused)_ For her hair?

HOFFS: No, for what she's been able to accomplish! I mean having a kid at sixteen! And then being able to make something of yourself. I don't think I could have ever done it.

PENHALL: Yeah, she is pretty amazing

HANSON: Agreeing with her isn't going to make you her favorite again

PENHALL: No, she really is. She's like superwoman or something.

HANSON: Don't let her hear you call her that

PENHALL: Why not? It sounds like a pretty nice compliment to me. And trust me, people like to hear compliments. I know you aren't as accustomed to hearing them as other people

HANSON: I think she just wants to be normal

PENHALL: Well the pink hair certainly sends that message

HANSON: You just don't know her that well yet. Spend a couple of days with her, and you'll get the picture.

_THE NEXT DAY. CITY HIGH SCHOOL LUNCH ROOM. LAMPTON and HANSON are sitting with the popular crowd eating and laughing with PENHALL sits with his study group going over homework assignments._

LAMPTON: _(Whispering to HANSON)_ He looks so happy

HANSON: _(smiles) (whispering)_ I now know the true meaning of a 'Kodak Moment'.

SARAH: What are you two lovebirds whispering about?

CRESTON: About how wonderfully attractive Priss finds me, I assume

GIRL 1: Get over yourself, Creston

CRESTON: Ah, you know it's true

LAMPTON: _(Dramatically)_ Oh yes, Creston. I've tried to fight it, these feelings that I have. But I can't deny it any longer. I'm madly in love with you. But we can't do anything about it.

CRESTON: Why not?

LAMPTON: The cancer. You know I'm going to die in sixth months don't you? Tom is a pity boyfriend. In a couple of months we're going to run off and get married so that I can walk down the isle. Just once. _(pauses)_ And scene.

HANSON: _(clapping)_ Wonderful performance. Top notch.

_(THE GROUP laughs)_

CRESTON: You better watch it, buddy. Sooner or later, she's not going to be kidding.

HANSON: I'll keep that in mind

CRESTON: Maybe she'll come around at my party tonight

LAMPTON: I doubt it. I mean, you'll probably have to surgically remove our lips from each other, after tonight. Between that and homework doesn't leave a whole lot of room for me to fall in love with you. Sorry, man.

_(THE GROUP laughs)_

CRESTON: Oh, ha, ha, very funny.

HANSON: So, who's all gonna be there tonight, anyways?

SARAH: Practically anyone worth mentioning at this school

HANSON: Save?

SARAH: _(Motions towards PENHALL'S TABLE)_ Those are about the only people uninvited. We don't need any more publicity with these parties.

LAMPTON: What, did you invite that one girl last time?

JIMMY: _(Laughing)_ Are you serious? No! We just had an open invite last time and her that one of her friends_ (looks over at PENHALL'S table, motions towards KERRY SMITT)_ that over in the red.

HANSON: Nobody has ever really told us what went down at that party

JIMMY: Why are you so curious?

HANSON: Truth be told I'm an undercover police officer

_(THE GROUP laughs)_

JIMMY: This guy is good, he's killin' me. I think you've got some real competition with this one, Creston

CRESTON: Whatever

JIMMY: _(to HANSON)_ So what's the real reason why you want to know what went down the night of the party?

HANSON: I can be quite the gossip whore _(GROUP gives him a look) (in a defeatist tone)_ And I want to know what to expect at this party. I mean I don't want to come if I'll be expected to perform the limbo or I'll actually be in attendance of a real party.

JIMMY: There's no shame in that, my man. It's always good to check on those sorts of things. _(Pats HANSON on the back)_ Well, if you're interested, I can lend you a tape of the party that we have. For sheer posterity.

HANSON: Funny you say that. Me and Priss used to do the same things at our parties. We were planning on bringing a camera tonight.

JIMMY: The more the merrier! Right, Creston?

CRESTON: Whatever

JIMMY: I'm glad you're the kind of guy that checks on these sorts of things. I mean, I was once asked to attend what was quoted to me as a 'totally awesome' party at John Carter's house

HANSON: Interesting

JIMMY: So, I didn't check and ended up spending an evening with Bonko the Clown. And there weren't even girls there. Needless to say, you're a better man then me for checking

SARAH: You were also twelve. I can still hear you complaining about that night in my head, years later. I don't think it'll ever leave. I think my last words will be 'Jimmy, shut up!'

_(THE GROUP laughs)_

HANSON: Anyways man, I'd love to check out the tape. Might as well scope out the drink collection, right? Could I pick up that tape after school or something?

JIMMY: Sure thing, man. We'll all be over at my house anyways.

_A FEW HOURS LATER. JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. LAMPTON, PENHALL, and HANSON are sitting around a blank TV screen while HANSON fumbles with the tape._

LAMPTON: You want to know what to expect? Real party guy-like.

HANSON: Hey, they bought it

LAMPTON: Yeah, thanks to all the brain cells they're missing.

_(HANSON puts in the tape)_

PENHALL: _(laughing)_ I still can't believe they bought it

HANSON: Oh! Go read your book!

PENHALL: _(to LAMPTON)_ Somebody's a bit touchy

HANSON: I am not touchy _(motions towards TV screen)_ now watch for Kerry and Samantha.

_(THEY watch the tape for awhile)_

LAMPTON: _(Holding up picture of SAMANTHA RHODES and KERRY SMITT)_ Wait. Stop the tape.

HANSON: _(Stops the tape)_ Where?

LAMPTON: _(points to right corner)_ In the pink, that's Samantha Rhodes.

PENHALL: And a hand serving her drinks

HANSON: Let's go a little further. _(Restarts the tape)_ Maybe they'll have an interview section

_(THEY watch the tape a little further)_

PENHALL: Wait. Stop the tape. _(HANSON stops the tape)_

HANSON: I see them

LAMPTON: Kerry's just serving her drinks. For all we know Kerry just wanted to get Samantha really drunk or something to that extent. We need hard proof that she killed her. Go a little further, Hanson.

_(HANSON restarts the tape)_

PENHALL: Wait, did you see that?

HANSON: Yeah. Kerry Smitt just left the room. And Samantha Rhodes is still at the bar.

LAMPTON: I've got a feeling. Fast forward on the tape some more. If they really pulled the prank on Samantha, they'd tape it. If not, bring Kerry Rhodes in for questioning.

HANSON: _(fast-forwarding through tape) _You really think they'd be stupid enough to tape it?

LAMPTON: They bought your lie, didn't they?

HANSON: Good point

LAMPTON: _(Watching the tape)_ Hey, isn't that Samantha Rhodes

HANSON: _(stops the tape) _Where?

LAMPTON: _(Points to right side)_ She's leaving. By herself. _(Pauses)_ Start the tape again, I want to see if anyone followed her.

PENHALL: _(Watching the tape)_ Do you see what I see?

HANSON: Yeah

LAMPTON: Kerry Smitt is looking for her

PENHALL: With a phone

LAMPTON: So she just walked to the middle of nowhere?

HANSON: Apparently _(stops the tape)_

PENHALL: What are we going to tell her parents?

LAMPTON: That their daughter's death was accidental, and then we'll give them our condolences.

PENHALL: Just like that, huh? What about Kerry Smitt?

LAMPTON: Samantha Rhodes drank the alcohol on her own, and left on her own. There's no case there, Penhall.

PENHALL: It just seems cheap _(HANSON puts hand on PENHALL'S shoulder_)

_A FEW WEEKS LATER. HOFFS, IOKI, FULLER, HANSON, LAMPTON, and EMMA standing at SAMANTHA'S RHODES' funeral. NANCY and FRANK RHODES are seated in front of them. MICHAEL DAVID, GABE DAVID, KERRY SMITT, and the other members of the study group standing around the coffin with various other people._

PASTOR: (Camera pans crowd as PASTOR speaks) We are here not to mourn the loss of Samantha Edith Rhodes, but instead celebrate the life that Sam has lead. While it has been cut tragically short…

_(PENHALL approches KERRY, standing behind her so that only she can hear what he says)_

PENHALL: _(whispering) _I know what you did, Kerry

_(KERRY'S expression darkens)_

_(PENHALL walks back over with the other cops)_

PASTOR: So let us remember Samantha as not only a daughter, but as a granddaughter, a niece, and as a friend.

_(Camera zooms in on LAMPTON as she lifts EMMA up into her arms, and kisses her cheek.)_

_ENDING CREDITS_


	3. 2: Bonnie and Clyde, part 1

_**I'm back and still looking for a partner**. Any takers? Really could use the help. A lot of ideas, a lot of joke, but lacking the dedication to finish what I start. Please contact me if you are interested!_

_And thank you for all the reviews. I'd write back comments, but they all expressed the same sediment, save a few, whom (if able) I responded back to._

**

* * *

**

**21 JUMPSTREET**

_**Bonnie and Clyde, meet Troy and Marissa**_

* * *

_JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. FULLER walks into completed CHAPEL, reading a file, but overhears conversation between PENHALL, HANSON, IOKI, HOFFS, and LAMPTON. _

PENHALL: I'm telling you, Hanson, they're real

HANSON: No way, they have to be fake. I mean, just look at the size of them. It's out of proportion with the rest of the body

PENHALL: I've seen them, they're real

HANSON: Well I'm seeing them here in the picture, and they look fake

IOKI: I'm with Hanson on this one

PENHALL: But you haven't seen them like I've seen them. Y'know, real up close and personal. You couldn't feel them.

HANSON: You felt them?

HOFFS: I felt them too. They felt pretty real to me.

LAMPTON: Fake or not, there're pretty damn fine headlights, if you ask me.

FULLER: _(looks up from file to see HOFFS, HANSON, IOKI, and LAMPTON all crowded around at PENHALL'S desk looking at a magazine). _What are you all looking at?

PENHALL: Antique car magazine, Captain _(holds up magazine)_

FULLER: _(Blinks) _Why am I not surprised? _(Walks into office)_

_OPENING CREDITS. _

_FULLER'S OFFICE. FULLER sits behind his desk with the folder open while HOFFS and LAMPTON sit in the chairs, IOKI stands behind them, HANSON sits on one of the lower file cabinets, and PENHALL stands next to him. _

FULLER: New case just came in for you all

PENHALL: All of us?

FULLER: All of you

PENHALL: Woah. That's a lot of cops.

HANSON: _(nodding) _A lot of cops.

FULLER: Well it's a big case

HANSON: It's just a lot of cops in one area

FULLER: I am quite aware of that, Hanson

PENHALL: But, Captain

FULLER: Would you let me finish?

_(HANSON and PENHALL exchange looks)_

FULLER: Thank-you, now as I was saying _(clears throat) _A big case just came in, and I need you guys to handle it as delicately as possible.

HANSON: Delicately?

FULLER: Don't start that again

HANSON: Sorry, Captain

FULLER: Continuing on, does anyone know anything about Adams High School?

_(Silence)_

FULLER: You're supposed to answer that one

PENHALL: Oh. Yea, they've got some of the best sports teams in the state. I mean, their football team this year is amazing!

FULLER: Well that amazing football team is rumored to have one of the biggest drug problems in the history of the game

PENHALL: No _(looks at HANSON, who nods) _No?

FULLER: Yea

HOFFS: I'd hate to break up the party here, Captain, but busting a football team does not take five cops, which includes two women, which the last time I checked did not play high school football

FULLER: Well, Judy, I'm glad you asked. It seems that the entire school has a bit of the drug habit, and the city would like us to break up the party.

LAMPTON: Why the kid gloves?

FULLER: Because Marissa Thompson attends that particular school. Apparently she's some sort of soccer goddess or something

IOKI: Thompson? As in Mayor Thompson? As in the guy that funds our budget?

FULLER: The one and only

HANSON: That's some hefty kids gloves there, Captain

FULLER: The city did ask us to take a look into the school, so I'm sure they have to be aware of the problem and aware of the possibility that Marissa might be implemented, but that still does not change the fact that this will have to be the cleanest bust you ever make.

HOFFS: How are we going to divide up the teams?

_(HANSON and PENHALL look at each other, and stand up)_

HANSON and PENHALL: We call football

FULLER: I already had you two down for that, and I don't just want the athletic side of things, I want a full perspective of this school. Judy and Harry will be going in as tutors

IOKI: Ah man

FULLER: Try to be more excited, Harry

LAMPTON: What about me?

FULLER: _(Smiles) _I noticed a little note attached in your folder from your high school days

LAMPTON: You wouldn't. No.

FULLER: I would. Priscilla, my dear, you are officially trying out for the Soccer team.

LAMPTON: I haven't played in years

FULLER: Well, bush up on your skills, you're going in

LAMPTON: But, y'know, I could just be a tutor or something

FULLER: Not with the pink hair

LAMPTON: _(unconvincingly) _I could dye it

FULLER: And the fact that I've already called the school and told them about these three new players I've lost from my great teams that should be coming in this afternoon. Triplets to be exact.

LAMPTON: _(in disbelief) _No

HANSON: _(to PENHALL) _I believe she stole our game

PENHALL:_ (to HANSON) _I'm a little hurt, honestly

LAMPTON: Oh get over it

_LATER. ADAMS HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL FIELD. THE TEAM runs laps while COACHES (CAMERON and WINN) talk on the sidelines. HANSON and PENHALL walk on to the field._

COACH CAMERON: So, I got a call from Adam Fisher, today. Apparently he's a high school football coach over in California, and he says that two of his best players have just transferred our way

COACH WINN: You sure he wasn't just talking them up?

COACH CAMERON: We'll find out, won't we?

COACH WINN: What are their names?

COACH CAMERON: Apparently it's a whole athletic family, the Gabelles, not to be confused about Clark Gabel, apparently they're quite sensitive about that or something, two brothers, Tommy and Doug, who both play football and a sister, Priss, who's some sort of soccer star. Gonna give the mayor's daughter a run for her money.

COACH WINN: Sensitive about a name?

COACH CAMERON: Their coach described them as a couple of pieces of works, but some damn fine football players. I think he might have actually associated them with Dennis Rodman at one point.

COACH WINN: Dennis Rodman?

COACH CAMERON: Yeah, minus the wedding dress _(pauses) _They think

COACH WINN: That's comforting

_(HANSON and PENHALL approach COACH CAMERON and COACH WINN)_

COACH CAMERON: Are you Tommy and Doug Gabelle?

PENHALL: Maybe

HANSON: Depends who's asking

COACH CAMERON: We're the football coaches here. You're old coach called over here and said you were interested in playing football

PENHALL: Maybe

HANSON: Depends on who's asking

_(COACH CAMERON and COACH WINN exchange looks)_

COACH WINN: So, you two got stuff here for practice?

PENHALL: Sure

HANSON: What not?

COACH CAMERON: Well you want to go change into it, and show us what you got?

PENHALL: Sure

HANSON: Why not?

COACH CAMERON: Coach Winn will show you to the locker rooms

PENHALL: Sure

HANSON: Why not?

_SAME TIME. SOCCER FIELD. PLAYERS run laps while COACHES (MACK and YANKLE) talk on the sidelines (similar to football practice set-up). LAMPTON approaches._

COACH MACK: Are you Priss Gabelle?

LAMPTON: Yep

COACH MACK: Hi, well, I'm Marilyn Mack and this is my assistant coach, Allison Yankle, and welcome to Adams High School Soccer team. You're coach from your old school, Adam Fisher, told us all about you, and we've love to have you try out for our team.

LAMPTON: Sure

COACH YANKLE: You're a goal keeper, correct?

LAMPTON: Yep

COACH YANKLE: Well, we already have one goal keeper, but we could always use a back-up. Have you met Marissa Thompson, yet?

LAMPTON: Nope

COACH MACK: Well you'll like her, most people do

LAMPTON: Okay

COACH YANKLE: She's the other goalie

LAMPTON: Okay

COACH YANKLE: So, do you want to show us what you can do?

LAMPTON: Sure

_ADAMS HIGH SCHOOL LIBRARY. HOFFS sits in one corner reading a book, IOKI is nearby. Girl (HEATHER JENKINS) approaches HOFFS._

HEATHER: Are you _(looks at sheet of paper) _Judy Hawkins?

HOFFS: _(looks up from book) _Yea, and you're Heather Jenkins, right?

HEATHER: That's me _(sits down) _All right, teach me

HOFFS: Well what do you want to learn?

HEATHER: I don't know

HOFFS: Well you better know pretty quick, cause every minute is costing you

HEATHER: Oh, it's not costing me. It's costing the school.

HOFFS: They're paying me to teach you?

HEATHER: Well they want to get their first girls water polo championship, and they need me to do that, so whatever you have to teach me that keeps my GPA above a 2.0 would be great

HOFFS: Oh lord

HEATHER: Now, I'm going to be practicing a lot next week, so we probably won't be able to meet, but if you could tell my teachers that we met up, that would be great.

HOFFS: You want me to lie?

HEATHER: For the good of the school! Do you not want another little plaque in the hall of fame that says 'Girls Water Polo Championship'?

HOFFS: I couldn't think of anything better

HEATHER: Good, you see it my way

HOFFS: Now, what do you want to do today?

HEATHER: How about we go over the test in math tomorrow?

HOFFS: Good. Math! A subject! _(Pulls out math supplies) _Now, what class are you in again? Algebra, right?

HEATHER: Yeah, but I thought we could go over the test

HOFFS: What do you think I'm doing? Now, let's review the past couple of chapters, all right? _(Opens text book)_

HEATHER: I don't think you understand your job. We don't review for the test, you just tell me what the answers are for the test. I know the teachers give them to you in advance to help us. It's what everybody else does

HOFFS: But you're not learning the material that way

HEATHER: So? How will solving for x help me when I go to the Olympics?

HOFFS: Interesting conversation piece

HEATHER: Just give me the answers to the stupid test, all right?

HOFFS: _(looks through her notes) _You know what, I don't think I got them quite yet.

HEATHER: Fine, I don't have time for this _(looks at watch) _Could you be a dear and do my homework for me? It's just chapter six, lesson three, problems one through thirty.I've gotta be somewhere _(exits)_

HOFFS: Wait. You forgot your math book! _(HEATHER doesn't respond) (mumbling) _Ah well, it wasn't doing you a whole lot of good anyways.

_(HOFFS looks over at IOKI who is still sitting by himself, attempting to balance a plastic spoon on his nose)_

HOFFS: Well, that went well

IOKI: _(still trying to balance the spoon) _So I heard

HOFFS: You think all the tutors do that?

IOKI: Probably

HOFFS: I wonder how everybody else is holding up.

_ADAM HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL FIELD. PENHALL and HANSON are in full football gear, running plays with the other players (HANSON playing QB and PENHALL playing linebacker)._

HANSON: Hike! _(catches the ball, looks for a pass)_

_(PENHALL runs at him, HANSON throws the ball to an open receiver as PENHALL tackles him hard) _

HANSON: _(in pain) _Put on a little weight there, have we, Douggie?

PENHALL: _(offended) _I'll have you know that is all holiday weight! _(stands up, leaving HANSON on the ground)_

HANSON: From what holiday? _(stands up) _It's September! _(Pushes him) _

_(They begin fighting) _

COACH CAMERON: _(blowing the whistle) _Hey, hey, break it up you two! _(Players pull HANSON and PENHALL apart, after a quick glare they walk away from each other)_

COACH WINN: _(to COACH CAMERON) _That's how he treats his brother?

COACH CAMERON: _(Smiling) _And he likes his brother

_SOCCER FIELD. LAMPTON is in full goalie gear standing on the sidelines behind the cage, watching as MARISSA warms up (blocking shots). _

MARISSA: _(Walks out of cage) _You ready?

LAMPTON: Yeah, sure, Marissa, right?

MARISSA: Yea, Marissa Thompson. And you're?

LAMPTON: Priss Gabelle

MARISSA: _(Smiles) _All right, good luck out there. And watch out for Andrea _(motions towards one of the players) _she's got a mean crotch shot

LAMPTON: Good to know _(goes in cage and warms up while MARISSA watches)_

_LATER. JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. HANSON, PENHALL, and LAMPTON walk in, leaning on each other, all exhausted. IOKI and HOFFS follow, amused._

PENHALL: I think I pulled muscles that I never knew existed

HANSON: I never knew so much pain

LAMPTON: I think I've actually bruised my entire body. Am I turning brown-ish purple? Cause I've heard that means it's healing.

HANSON: _(to PENHALL) _Why'd you have to hit me so hard?

PENHALL: _(to HANSON) _Why'd you have to be such a pansy about it?

HANSON: Because you hit me. Friends don't hit.

PENHALL: No, but linebackers do

HANSON: Still

LAMPTON: I kicked a girl today. A lot. The promise of doing that same exact thing tomorrow might actually make this all better. Maybe. _(Moves) _Nope. Nope. Pain's worse.

HOFFS: _(to IOKI) _Still angry about being assigned a nerd?

IOKI: _(smirking) _Nope

_(HOFFS and IOKI watch as LAMPTON, PENHALL, and HANSON attempt to lower themselves to a sitting position, in pain, repeating things like 'ouch, ouch, ouch', etc. FULLER enters)_

FULLER: _(smirking) _Good first practice, everybody?

HANSON: _(sarcastically) _Oh the best

LAMPTON: _(bangs head down on the table) _Oh crap

PENHALL: What? Forgot something?

LAMPTON: It's Tuesday tomorrow, isn't it?

PENHALL: So? Don't like Tuesdays or something, because while Tuesday may not be everyone's favorite day of the week, and still has nothing on Friday night, Tuesday, for all its faults, is not a bad day. It should not have as bad as a rep as Monday.

LAMPTON: _(rolls her eyes) _Tuesday's my bowling night with Emma. And this Tuesday's Emma's birthday party, which you were all invited too and RSVP-ed, so you're all suffering right along with me _(smiles) _Now that improves things slightly.

HANSON: Yeah, about that, sorry I don't think I'll be able to make it

LAMPTON: For what reason?

HANSON: I can't seem to move my neck. Scratch that. My entire body. And movement is pretty important to bowling. And life for that matter. And if I can't get out of this position, how am I supposed to get to the bowling alley?

IOKI: Forklift

LAMPTON: Harry! Judy! Captain! Any other able-bodied person that I just can't see, hit for me would you?

HOFFS: You have to go, Hanson! You're her favorite!

HANSON: I'm her favorite?

PENHALL: Hey! I thought I was her favorite!

LAMPTON: Take her bowling with me, and she might change her mind. Especially if Uncle Tom doesn't show up for her own birthday party!

HANSON: Fine! I'll go.

PENHALL: Sucker

LAMPTON: You're going too

PENHALL: What? Why?

HOFFS: Penhall!

PENHALL: I was just kidding

IOKI: _(walks over to FULLER) _Thank-you, Captain

FULLER: For what?

IOKI: This _(Motions towards PENHALL, HANSON, and LAMPTON who have gotten out of their chairs, and are attempting to have a "cat-fight", while complaining about how much pain they're in)_

_DOWNTOWN AREA.NIGHTTIME. TROY walks up to PAYPHONE. Picks up receiver, and dials a number._

TROY: Chase, man, where are you?

_(Pause)_

TROY: When's the new shipment coming in?

_(Pause)_

TROY: Come on, man. You're just being paranoid!

_(Pause)_

TROY: They'd never put cops on the football team. It's against league standards.

_(Pause)_

TROY: Meet me at the usual spot. In about an hour.

_(TROY hangs up the phone, looks around, then walks away)_

_LATER THAT NIGHT. HANSON sits at the conference table with an ice pack on his shoulder, LAMPTON lays down on top of the conference table with an ice pack on her back, and PENHALL sits with an ice pack on his head at his desk. HOFFS and IOKI are at their respective desks._

HOFFS: So, so far all we have is that the athletes really don't earn their grades, it's the tutors

HANSON: Which is enough to get the school board to shut down their sports programs for awhile, but that just pisses off a whole lot of fans and doesn't really solve any drugs problems, so that leaves us at square one

PENHALL: Well, I really didn't notice anyone that seemed off to me

IOKI: Maybe it's just rumors, y'know. Jealous teams who don't have the talent that this school has start some vicious rumors.

LAMPTON: Eh, that just sounds like some cheap little kids 'let's teach good morals' movie. Like "The Karate Kid"

HANSON: _(Mimicking motions)(in a mocking tone) _Wax on, wax off _(pause) _I understand now sensei!

PENHALL: You know what, you don't look like a mom, but when you say things like that, you scream 'mom'. It's weird.

LAMPTON: Harry, would you hit them for me

IOKI: Why can't you?

LAMPTON: I can't seem to move

IOKI: Good enough for me _(throws a crumbled piece of paper at HANSON)_

HANSON: We are not starting that again

PENHALL: Why? Scared I'll beat you again, Hanson?

HANSON: No, scared I won't ever be able to move again. My legs still haven't recovered from all those hits this afternoon, thanks to a certain linebacker

PENHALL: Hey, I was doing my job

HOFFS: Could we focus, people?

_(MAN ("BLOWFISH") enters, carrying cleaning supplies and dressed in a janitor's uniform. He's looks around with disgust at the messy CHAPEL.)_

HANSON: _(Motioning towards "BLOWFISH") _Who's that?

"BLOWFISH": _(to himself, angrily)_ What are you? A group of pigs living in a barn! God!

PENHALL: We do not live like pigs. I resent that accusation.

HOFFS: We are a little messy, guys

PENHALL: Still, I'm offended. A friend should call you a pig, not a complete stranger.

"BLOWFISH": _(Motioning towards LAMPTON) _What? Throw your back out trying to find a trash can? Then give up!

LAMPTON: _(Slightly offended) _Hey! _(to HANSON) _He's mean. I don't like him.

"BLOWFISH": I am not mean! I'm disgusted! And let me tell you, there's a difference!

LAMPTON: Well I think your just mean

IOKI: And a little scary

PENHALL: Who are you, anyways?

"BLOWFISH": Sal Banducci, maintenance engineer, at your service _(pause) _or disposal I guess at this point.

PENHALL: _(to IOKI) _Maintenance engineer?

IOKI: Don't look at me

"BLOWFISH": Yeah, headquarters sent me down today. This is Jumpstreet Chapel, right? I mean it'd be pretty hard to mix up. I mean how many chapels are there that are now serving as police stations?

HOFFS: So, you're Sal. The Janitor.

"BLOWFISH": Maintenance engineer. And call me Blowfish

HANSON: _(to PENHALL) _Do I want to know?

PENHALL: _(to HANSON) _I'm not sure. I am curious, though. I'm just not sure it's a curiosity that needs to be experienced and/or answered. Like childbirth.

HANSON: Good point

"BLOWFISH": No, it's great, I'll show you _(grabs glass tray, does blowfish impression)_

PENHALL: Wow! Do it again!

"BLOWFISH": Okay _(does blowfish impression)_

PENHALL: That's so cool!

HANSON: I am impressed. I'm glad we got curious.

PENHALL: I think I'm gonna like this guy

IOKI: How did you come up with that?

"BLOWFISH": _(Laughing) _It's a crazy story really

PENHALL: _(Interrupting) _Ahp! A master should never reveal his secrets!

"BLOWFISH": It really isn't a secret

PENHALL: Ahp!

HANSON: I'd bet money alcohol was involved

LAMPTON: It's involved in all the great discoveries of our age

HANSON: Like what?

LAMPTON: Pink hair

IOKI: UFO's

HOFFS: Several ways to break bones we never knew existed

"BLOWFISH": Seriously, though, what happened? Did you guys forget your basic cleaning steps?

HANSON: There are steps?

"BLOWFISH": _(sighing) _Did you're mothers teach you nothing?

LAMPTON: _(Raises hand) _If you resent your mother, can you leave before the speech starts? Y'know, so that it doesn't stir up memories of bad times.

"BLOWFISH": What?

LAMPTON: They'll be tears if you say no. Lots of tears. And not a quiet little whimper or something. I mean all out sobbing and carrying on girl-crying.

"BLOWFISH": _(sighing) _Fine, if you resent your mother and have girly-crying tendencies you can leave

_(HOFFS, LAMPTON, HANSON, PENHALL, and IOKI leave)_

"BLOWFISH": Hey!

HANSON: Hey, I can whine something good

_ADAMS HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL FIELD. PLAYERS are running laps while COACH WINN, COACH CAMERON, and TROY talk on the sidelines. HANSON and PENHALL try to listen in while they run._

COACH CAMERON: How's the leg doing, Troy?

TROY: Better now

COACH WINN: Do you think you'll be able to play in this Friday's game?

TROY: I think so, I just have to get the Doc's approval, y'know?

COACH CAMERON: But it doesn't hurt, right?

TROY: No, not really. But I think that if I want to play, I should continue to rest it this week, y'know. Better safe then sorry. _(winks)_

COACH WINN: Stop by my office after practice, would you, Troy?

TROY: Sure thing, Coach. I was planning on it.

_(HANSON and PENHALL exchange looks as they finish out their laps)_

TEEN (ALEX WEBB): _(to TROY) _Yo, man! There's been an accident or somethin' down at thesoccer field!

TROY: _(to TEEN) _Is Marissa okay, Alex? What happened?

ALEX: She passed out or somethin', man. I don't know!

TROY: _(to COACHES)_: Can I go?

COACH WINN: _(Slightly annoyed) _Go. Hurry.

TROY: _(Running towardsSoccer field)_I know! I'll be right back! Thanks!

HANSON: _(to PLAYER) _Who's that?

PLAYER: _(to HANSON) _Alex Web. He's like Troy's right hand guy.

HANSON: _(to PLAYER) _Yea, what's he talkin' about?

PLAYER: _(to HANSON) _Got me. Something to do with Troy's girlfriend, Marissa, I guess. She's on thesoccerteam.

HANSON: _(to PENHALL) _You hear that, Douglas? Something's wrong with the soccer team.

PENHALL: _(to COACHES) _Yo!

PLAYER: _(to HANSON and PENHALL) _What's your problem?

HANSON: _(to PLAYER) _Our sister's on that team

PENHALL: _(to COACHES) (Slightly louder) _Yo! Hello?

PLAYER: _(to HANSON) _So?

HANSON: _(to PLAYER) _You mean you're not close with your sister?

PENHALL: _(to COACHES) (Yelling) _Hey!

_(COACHES notice PENHALL and wave him over)_

_(PENHALL and HANSON run over to COACHES) _

PENHALL: Can we go check on our sister, coach? She's on the soccer team too.

HANSON: Family's very important to us.

PENHALL: Very important.

HANSON: Extremely, even.

PENHALL: To the death, some might say.

HANSON: _(beat) (to PENHALL) _Well, maybe not for you

_(PENHALL gives HANSON a look)_

COACH WINN: _(to PENHALL and HANSON) _All right, all right. Just hurry and stop wasting so much of our practice!

_(HANSON and PENHALL run to FIELD HOCKEY FIELD)_

COACH WINN: _(to TEAM) (shouting) _Anyone else with a girlfriend, sister, or any other emotional attachment to the soccer team?

TEAM: _(Continuing to run) _No, coach

COACH WINN: Good.

_SOCCERFIELD. CROWD gathers around MARISSA as COACH MACK gives her some medical attention while waiting for the ambulance. TROY sits besides her. PENHALL and HANSON approach._

LAMPTON: _(to HANSON and PENHALL)_ Guys! _(Motions in her direction)_

_(HANSON and PENHALL notice and walk over to LAMPTON)_

HANSON: _(Giving LAMPTON a friendly hug)_ Good to know you're safe, sis

PENHALL: Yeah, what he said

LAMPTON: _(Motioning towards TROY)_ Who's that?

HANSON: Troy Addens, football star and Marissa Thompson's boyfriend_ (whispering)_ I think we've got a lead with him.

LAMPTON: Same here with Juliet

PENHALL: Juliet?

LAMPTON: Think about it

PENHALL: _(Thinks about it)_ Oh! Got it! Shakespearean! That's smart!

HANSON: Get there faster next time, man

PENHALL: Hey!

_(HOFFS and IOKI approach)_

HOFFS: What's up?

LAMPTON: Marissa Thompson passed out

IOKI: Do you think it's from

HANSON: _(cutting him off)_ Intense study time with our school tutors, yes

PENHALL: Now if you'll excuse us, we have a football practice to attend

HANSON: _(to LAMPTON) _Stay safe

LAMPTON: You too

PENHALL: _(to HOFFS and IOKI) (awkwardly)_ And we'll see you two tonight for the study session?

HOFFS: Of course

IOKI: _(Smirking)_ I'll bring the ice

HANSON: _(to IOKI)_ Go read your books

_(HANSON and PENHALL leave as AMBULANCE arrives)_

HOFFS: _(to LAMPTON)_ You okay?

LAMPTON: _(Staring at MARISSA) _I was standing right next to her when it happened

IOKI: _(Puts hand on LAMPTON'S shoulder)_ You couldn't have done anything

LAMPTON: _(Sighing)_ Maybe that's the problem.

_LATER THAT NIGHT. JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. HANSON, HOFFS, IOKI, LAMPTON, and PENHALL all sit around the conference table with case files out. "BLOWFISH" is cleaning in the background, occasionally making noises of disgust as he cleans. FULLER enters._

FULLER: Just got back from the hospital, Mayor Thompson is not happy

LAMPTON: Then it was drugs

FULLER: Nope, Marissa Thompson has been emitted for a heat stroke. We might actually be looking in the wrong direction, folks.

PENHALL: How is she?

FULLER: They think she'll pull through okay

HOFFS: That's good, I guess

IOKI: Heat stroke?

FULLER: Yep. Apparently she's prone to them. This isn't her first emission for it.

HANSON: Do you think Mayor Thompson could be covering up for the fact that Marissa suffered a possible overdose or bad reaction to one of the drugs?

LAMPTON: Yeah, he keeps going on and on about his war on drugs. Having his own daughter fingered as a druggie doesn't exactly make him look that good.

PENHALL: Especially since it's re-election year

FULLER: _(shakes head) _I don't think he has that much influence, especially among the medical community. Doctors aren't exactly known for their loyalty to politicians. But the Mayor did hurry me up so that I wouldn't bother his daughter on her road to recovery. _(Pauses) _Funny thing was, we passed a large group of reporters on the way out, and he didn't seem too bothered by them, so.

HOFFS: Ah, parents

FULLER: _(Sits down at the conference table, taking PENHALL'S case folder) _So, where does that leave us?

HANSON: Me and Penhall might have something with Marissa's boyfriend, Troy Addens. He was talkin' with the coaches during practice, and it just seemed like somethin' was up

PENHALL: Yea, like they were leaving something out of the conversation

FULLER: All right, you two follow that lead. And Lampton I want you going to visit Marissa in the hospital, the Mayor shouldn't know you, so if he sees you, just say you're a member of Marissa's team, all right?

LAMPTON: What do you want me to say? Hi, Marissa, remember me, the girl you've known for a day and is now wanting to know if your father, the Mayor, is covering up for your potential drug habit?' Yea, that'll go over well.

FULLER: Think of something.

HOFFS: Be creative.

PENHALL: Think outside the box!

HANSON: Box? There is no box.

FULLER: _(sighing) _Just find out where she got the drugs, all right, Lampton. The hospital should call here the second she wakes up, but I think you should stop by earlier. Keep up appearances.

LAMPTON: _(nods) _Do you want Hanson and Penhall to come with me too?

FULLER: Why?

LAMPTON: Keep up the family appearance. So far we've projected a pretty tight unit family. It makes sense that they might come with me the first couple of times.

HANSON: That and there's probably a good chance that Troy Addens will be visiting, and it might make for a good excuse to talk to him.

FULLER: All right, but if Mayor Thompson is there, they can't be seen, and I want minimal contact with you, Lampton.

HANSON and PENHALL: Sure thing, Captain

LAMPTON: _(to HANSON and PENHALL) _You want to stop by tomorrow after school?

PENHALL: Why not just go now?

LAMPTON: Because you have a birthday party to attend

PENHALL: Eh?

HOFFS: _(Hits PENHALL) _Emma's birthday party!

PENHALL: Oh, right. Gotcha. Tomorrow it is then.

HOFFS: Good answer

PENHALL: _(whispering) (to HANSON) _Is it just me, or has she gotten mean?

HANSON: _(whispering) (to PENHALL) _I prefer not to answer that question

FULLER: Stay on topic here, people

PENHALL: Sorry, coach

FULLER: Coach?

HANSON: Yea, he's been calling everyone that lately. Let's not encourage it, I think it's a gateway word. Sooner or later he'll be moving on to other ones like sport

IOKI: Pal

HOFFS: Chief

LAMPTON: El Captian

_(HOFFS, IOKI, and HANSON look at LAMPTON)_

LAMPTON: Yes, I've been paying attention in Spanish class, does that surprise you?

FULLER: _(Annoyed) _People, focus!

LAMPTON, HANSON, HOFFS, IOKI: Sorry, Captain

PENHALL: I'd like to state for the record that I was not involved in that last little running gag.

FULLER: Put a sock in it

_AFTERNOON THAT DAY. TROY walks to the same PHONEBOOTH. He picks up the phone and dials the same number._

TROY: Shit, man! What the hell was that stuff!

_(Pause)_

TROY: Whatda mean 'it happens'!

_(Pause)_

TROY: No, man! Marissa's in the hospital! They say it looks like heat stroke, but who the hell gets heat stroke in forty-degree weather!

_(Pause)_

TROY: No, man! Fix your product or we'll find another supplier! _(Hangs up phone)_

_THE NEXT DAY. LATE AFTERNOON. MARISSA THOMPSON'S HOSPITAL ROOM. HANSON and PENHALL stand awkwardly in the background, as LAMPTON approaches MARISSA'S bedside._

PENHALL: _(Whining) _Come on, the nurse said she was asleep and probably wouldn't be up for awhile. Why are we still here? Let's come back tomorrow.

HANSON: Shut up, would you

PENHALL: But I don't wanna be here

HANSON: Well suck it up

PENHALL: Tom

HANSON: Yes, Doug?

PENHALL: Are we done yet? _(HANSON gives him a death glare) _I guess not.

LAMPTON: _(scolding) _Would you two cut it out!

HANSON: _(Pointing at PENHALL) _It's his fault

PENHALL: What are you pointing at me for?

HANSON: Just in case my pronoun confuses her. There's a lot of him's in the world, I'll have you know.

PENHALL: Now who's being annoying?

LAMPTON: Hey!

HANSON and PENHALL: Sorry

LAMPTON: How long should we stay?

HANSON: I don't know. However long you want to.

LAMPTON: She just looks so peaceful _(looks at MARISSA intently) _

(MARISSA'S arm twitches)

LAMPTON: _(screams and jumps away) _She moved! She moved! Holy shit, she moved!

HANSON: People tend to do that when they wake up

PENHALL: It's amazing, really

LAMPTON: But she wasn't supposed to move!

(MARISSA opens her eyes, and scans the room)

MARISSA: _(Confused) _What?

LAMPTON: _(screams and jumps onto HANSON'S arms) _Holy shit!

HANSON: Priss! Calm down. It's Marissa, remember. _(Motions towards MARISSA) _The girl you came to see. She woke up.

LAMPTON: Oh, yeah

HANSON: Can you get down now?

LAMPTON: _(Hops off of HANSON) _Yea, sorry about that. I'm a little jumpy.

HANSON: I noticed

PENHALL: How's your back?

HANSON: Oh, it's long since surpassed the point of ever returning back to normal long ago, thanks to your lovely blocks. I didn't have much hope.

LAMPTON: Sorry about that

MARISSA: Priss Gabelle?

LAMPTON: _(Turns back around to face MARISSA) _Oh! Right! Marissa! Hi!

MARISSA: Hi

LAMPTON: We just came to see how you were doing. And I see you're doing all right, being awake and all, so yeah

MARISSA: Who are they _(motions towards HANSON and PENHALL)_?

LAMPTON: Oh, they're my brothers, Tommy and Doug. Tommy and Doug, this is Marissa Thompson.

HANSON: Hi

PENHALL: Nice to meet you

MARISSA: Likewise _(pause) _Have you seen my parents?

LAMPTON: Ah, no, we just got here actually. Left right after school to come and see how you were doing! Oh! The team sends their love, by the way. Nobody knew you were up yet, so they didn't come, but I'll be sure to spread the word at practice tonight!

(TROY enters)

TORY: Marissa? You're awake! _(Goes to her bedside and gives her a hug and a kiss) _You really had the whole school worried there for awhile!

MARISSA: Well, I'm a tuff cookie

LAMPTON: Do you want us to give you a second?

_(TROY looks around the room, focuses in on HANSON and PENHALL)_

TROY: _(to HANSON and PENHALL) (Confused) _Hey, aren't you?

HANSON: On your football team?

PENHALL: Yes

HANSON: Tommy

PENHALL: Doug

HANSON: Gabelle if you want to get into specifics

TROY: _(to HANSON and PENHALL) (Confused) _Why are you?

PENHALL: Here?

LAMPTON: They're my brothers

TROY: _(to LAMPTON) _And you are?

LAMPTON: Priss Gabelle, I'm on the field hockey team

TROY: Oh, all right

HANSON: We're a tight family

_(PENHALL sticks fingers together to demonstrate)_

TROY: Nice to see you again

MARISSA: _(to TROY) _Hey, are my parents here?

TROY: Yea, I just saw them down the hallway, talking to the doctor again

_(HANSON and PENHALL exchange looks)_

PENHALL: Well, I think we've imposed enough, don't you?

LAMPTON: Yea, I'll come and visit some other time. I'll make sure the bring the team now that you're officially up and about.

MARISSA: Oh, it's all right, you can stay _(awkwardly) _Priss and family

LAMPTON: Oh, no, I wouldn't want to hog you. I mean you've got your boyfriend here _(pauses) _wait, he is your boyfriend right?

TROY: Yep

LAMPTON: All right, good, I was right, well you're boyfriend's here and you've got your parents to worry about. We'll just be in the way.

HANSON: And we've all got practices to attend, so we couldn't have stayed long any ways

_(HANSON, PENHALL, and LAMPTON begin inching towards the door)_

PENHALL: Homework too

LAMPTON: Lots of homework

HANSON: So, uh

PENHALL: Yea, we better

LAMPTON: I'll tell the team you're good

HANSON: Ah, nice meetin' yea

PENHALL: Yea, what he said

LAMPTON: Bye!

_(HANSON, LAMPTON, and PENHALL exit)_

TROY: Is it just me, or are they a bit off?

MARISSA: I like them. Kinda like a traveling comedy team slash train wreak. It's refreshing _(laughs)_

TROY: So, how are you feeling?

MARISSA: Like shit

TROY: It's to be expected _(pause)_ How much you'd take?

MARISSA: Apparently too much

TROY: If word gets out, your coach will freak

MARISSA: No shit, Sherlock

TROY: Just don't scare me like that again, okay?

MARISSA: You did this to me just last month!

TROY: Well this is different

MARISSA: How?

TROY: I'm the one freaking out

MARISSA: Oh, that's mature

TROY: Teenage boys are not known for their maturity. It's a heart-wrenching, but true statistic.

MARISSA: Thanks for coming

TROY: Hey _(Pause)_ Did you think about that guy's offer the other day?

MARISSA: _(nods)_ Yea, yea I have

TROY: It sounds like a good trade-off, y'know

MARISSA: I know

TROY: It'd certainly help both of us in the long run.

MARISSA: That's what I was thinking

TROY: I mean this dealing stuff has been great and all, good for the pocket, but Chase is saying things like there are cops in our school. I think he's getting spooked, in all honesty, but, God, that's a hard thing to get out of your head you know!

MARISSA: _(Interrupting) (In disbelief)_ Cops? In our school? Yeah, right.

TROY: I know, but it's a hard thing not to buy, y'know. I mean you've had to have heard about all the stuff that's been going on at all the other schools with the undercover cops! I mean, we all knew it was only a matter of time before one came to our school.

MARISSA: Troy's cutting back, isn't he?

TROY: I think he's gonna pack up and leave town

MARISSA: Shit

TROY: I know

_(DOCTOR, MAYOR THOMPSON, EDITH THOMPSON, and KYRENE THOMPSON enter)_

EDITH THOMPSON: Marissa!

KYRENE THOMPSON: _(runs over to MARISSA) _You're awake!

DOCTOR: How do you feel?

MARISSA: Bombarded

DOCTOR: I'll give you and you're family some time alone _(exits room)_

_HOSPTIAL HALLWAY. HANSON, LAMPTON, and PENHALL stand off to one of the corners, and wave over the DOCTOR as he leaves MARISSA'S ROOM. The DOCTOR approaches._

DOCTOR: Can I help you?

HANSON: Yea _(Looks around) (Flashes badge) _What can you tell us about Marissa Thompson's current condition?

DOCTOR: I'm not that's confidential, unless you have a warrant. Otherwise, you'll have to get family approval first. Hospital policy.

LAMPTON: Is there anything you can tell us, without the warrant?

DOCTOR: Besides the fact that on average we get about two kids a week from that school?

PENHALL: Two kids a week?

DOCTOR: That's just within a normal week. You should have seen the mess we had when the football team went to states last season.

HANSON: And you don't do anything about it?

DOCTOR: What can I do? We tell the school, but they just don't care as long as they get another medal in their hall of fame. It's disgusting, really.

LAMPTON: _(Hands DOCTOR a card) _Thank-you, if you think of anything else, give us a call.

DOCTOR: _(Takes card) _Sure thing, officers

THE NEXT DAY. HOFFS and IOKI are sitting in the library, waiting for their students. HEATHER approaches HOFFS.

HEATHER: You get that math homework done?

HOFFS: _(Pulls out completed assignment) _Yea, but I still don't

HEATHER: _(grabs paper) _Still don't what? Don't get it? There's nothing to get. This is just how it works. All right?

HOFFS: Whatever

HEATHER: _(Paging through the papers) _And next time, use blue ink. Everyone knows that I use blue ink on everything.

HOFFS: I'll keep that in mind

HEATHER: And _(slips HOFFS some rolled up twenties) _Be a doll and get this to Chase, would you?

HOFFS: _(Accepts the money) _Sure thing.

HEATHER: And tell him that I don't want none of his knock-off merchandise, okay? I get top of the line, just like that Troy Addens and Marissa Thompson. I shouldn't get the heat strokes they do from 'em, I'm in the water, remember?

HOFFS: I'll but sure to tell Chase that

HEATHER: And do the Chemistry for me, would you? _(Smiles) _You're a doll.

_(HEATHER exits)_

HOFFS: _(In a mocking tone) _You're a doll, nah, nah, nah

IOKI: I think somebody just got a lead

HOFFS: Yeah

IOKI: You just have to look at the glass half full

HOFFS: Chase. I wonder if that's a last name or a first name? Hell, even a nickname at this point.

IOKI: Whatever it is, it's better then what he had going before

HOFFS: Hey, aren't you supposed to be tutoring too?

IOKI: _(Frustrated) _Yeah, but the kid never shows up

HOFFS: Well at least you don't have to deal with Miss Congeniality

IOKI: Again, the lead. Focus on the lead.

HOFFS: Yeah, yeah

_HOSPITAL. SAME DAY. TROY enters MARISSA'S room._

TROY: You're gonna love me!

MARISSA: Depends on what you have to say next

TROY: I've got a plan that is definitely a win win!

MARISSA: You've got my attention

TROY: You get out of here in like a day, right?

MARISSA: Tonight, actually. They just wanted to keep me for a twenty-four observation period. Now, tell me what's up!

TROY: The new kids

MARISSA: Yeah, what about them?

TROY: Let's give him the new kids

MARISSA: Why? They seemed all right to me.

TROY: Because, if Chase is right and they are the cops, then they'll never actually arrest them! Then we'll know for sure and we can be back in business or laying low for awhile

MARISSA: That's brilliant

TROY: I told you!

_LATER. FOOTBALL FIELD. PLAYERS are running laps. TROY approaches HANSON and PENHALL._

TROY: Hey, so your sister is Priss Gabelle?

HANSON: Yea

PENHALL: So?

TROY: Oh, well my girl's been talking about her for the past couple of days. Say's she's got real potential. We think we can help her take her stuff to the next level. Give her an edge.

HANSON: Why go through us?

PENHALL: Yea

TROY: Because everyone knows there is nothing worse then to have two older brothers after your ass for whatever it is you did to their little sister.

PENHALL: Makes sense

HANSON: He's a thinker

TROY: So we in?

HANSON: What kind of edge are we talkin' about here?

PENHALL: Some kind of drug or somethin'?

TROY: Yeah, we all use it.

PENHALL: Why not offer it to us?

HANSON: What, we not worth your time or somethin', man?

TROY: _(shakes his head) _Not even. You guys got it. But your sister just needs a little push. Marissa says she has trouble staying focused sometimes, and then other times she's on fire. It's weird.

PENHALL: She's had a hard time with the move

HANSON: Had to leave her boyfriend

PENHALL: Now they're just long distance

HANSON: And everyone knows that long distance relationships never work out

PENHALL: Not only that but the guy she was datin' was a chump

HANSON: A dirty, lying, son of a bitch, chump

PENHALL: I wanted to punch him in the face everyday

HANSON: But we couldn't

PENHALL: Cause if we did we'd be expelled

HANSON: Then we couldn't play

PENHALL: So we just tried to get her to break up with him

HANSON: And that didn't work

PENHALL: So we're hopin' that with this move

HANSON: She'll move on

TROY: _(uncomfortably) _Okay. _(Pause) _I don't know what to say to that

HANSON: Most people don't

PENHALL: People are just flustered too easily today

TROY: You may actually have a point there

HANSON: So, where's your source?

TROY: Have her meet me tomorrow after school, in the parking lot. I'll set her up a tutoring time as well.

PENHALL: Tutor?

TROY: Yeah, they do most of the dirty work. Nobody suspects a tutor.

HANSON: Ah, similar to a nun.

TROY: What?

HANSON: Nobody suspects a nun

PENHALL: If I was ever going to rob a bank, I rob it as a nun. Of course I'd have to get a couple of other people in on it too.

HANSON: Oh course, nuns never travel alone.

TROY: All right then, tomorrow. Six o'clock.

PENHALL: Yea

HANSON: Okay

COACH: _(Yelling, as the team passes by) _Last lap! Start sprinting!

(TEAM begins to sprint)

HANSON: How is Marissa, anyways? Priss was curious.

TROY: She's fine. It was no biggie. She's had heat strokes before.

_(PENHALL leans in and whispers something in HANSON'S ear. HANSON nods in agreement)_

PENHALL: _(to TROY)_ Hey, question

HANSON: More like a general musing

TROY: Yes?

PENHALL: Is Marissa just prone to heat strokes or did the _(exaggerated cough)_ do it to her?

TROY: You just have to be careful. Chase will go over everything with Priss, don't worry.

HANSON: Could we be there too, you know, just to make sure nobody's trying to take advantage of our baby sister?

TROY: I thought you guys were triplets

PENHALL: Priss was born last.

HANSON: She's the technical baby

TROY: All right, then. Tomorrow after school?

HANSON: After school

PENHALL: What he said

_LATER. JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. HANSON, PENHALL, and LAMPTON sitting around conference table sharing a box of ice cream._

LAMPTON: So they think I need drugs?

HANSON: Apparently you're easily distracted

PENHALL: And this will put you on top of your game at all time

LAMPTON: What about you two?

HANSON: Apparently we don't need them

PENHALL: You see we're always on top of our game

LAMPTON: Then you guys are apparently better actors then I thought

PENHALL: Hey!

HANSON: That was mean

LAMPTON: Technically it was an underhanded compliment

HANSON: Still

PENHALL: It was mean

LAMPTON: Get over it

_(HOFFS and IOKI enter)_

HOFFS: So guess who's about to blow this case wide open with the first and only clue we have ever gotten?

LAMPTON: Well Scooby and Shaggy over here didn't do so bad, what did you find, Velma?

HOFFS: Well _(pause) _wait a second! How come I'm Velma! I should so be Daphne!

LAMPTON: Well, Velma is the book smart one and Daphne is the pretty and popular one, so I think it's pretty self-explanatory why on this case I am Daphne and you are Velma.

IOKI: Does that make me Fred?

PENHALL: Who's Scooby? Me or Hanson?

HANSON: _(to PENHALL) _You

PENHALL: Hey, cool _(beat) _Wait, Scooby's a dog.

HANSON: _(to PENHALL_) You could have been Scrappy

PENHALL: _(to HANSON) _Good point, Shaggy

HANSON: _(to PENHALL_) I'd give you a Scooby Snack, but it looks like I'm fresh out

HOFFS: _(to HANSON and PENHALL) _Are you two done?

PENHALL: Why, yes, Judy my dear, sorry for the delay, we are now all prepared to listen to your amazing clue and then we will tell you our amazing clue and Mystery Inc will be up and running

IOKI: _(to PENHALL) _Mystery Inc?

PENHALL: _(to IOKI) _Yea, the name of their little club or whatever

IOKI: _(to PENHALL) _I think you know a little too much about Scooby Doo

(HOFFS coughs)

PENHALL: Right! Focusing!

HOFFS: Thank-you, Douglas. _(Clears throat) _Now, Heather Jenkins, the water polo player, has given me the name of the source

PENHALL, HANSON, and LAMPTON: Chase

IOKI: How'd you know that?

PENHALL, HANSON, and LAMPTON: Troy

HOFFS: Really?

PENHALL, HANSON, and LAMPTON: Yep

IOKI: Stop doing that

HOFFS: You're freaking me out

PENHALL, HANSON, and LAMPTON: Sorry

HOFFS: I think this assignment is starting to go to their heads

IOKI: Pretty soon they'll be dressing alike

HOFFS: Claiming they can hear each other's thoughts, and feel when the other one is in danger! _(IOKI gives her a look) _What? I saw it on Unsolved Mysteries a bunch of times

PENHALL: _(Attempting to contain a laugh) _You watch Unsolved Mysteries?

HOFFS: You watch The Golden Girls

_(HANSON, IOKI, and LAMPTON laugh)_

PENHALL: Hey!

IOKI: She's got you there, man.

**END PART ONE.**

* * *

**_Please Review.  
Part two up ASAP._**


	4. 2: Bonnie and Clylde, part 2

_Thanks for all of the reviews and support. I continue to ask for **a partner in this endevor so please e-mail me or contact me in some fashion if you are interested**. Even if it's only for one episode, I would love some support one this. __

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_

_THE NEXT DAY. AFTER SCHOOL. OUTSIDE in the PARKING LOT. LAMPTON leans against a wall, while HANSON and PENHALL sit a few yards away in HANSON'S car, ready to make an arrest._

HANSON: _(to LAMPTON, over walkie-talkie)_ You sure you want to do this alone?

LAMPTON: He said come alone

HANSON: _(to LAMPTON, over walkie-talkie)_ Yeah, but you don't have to, y'know. We've got the tight family thing going.

LAMPTON: I'm fine, mom. You know, I did pass the police academy all by myself.

PENHALL: _(to HANSON)_ She's got a point

HANSON: _(to PENHALL)_ Shut up _(Pause)_ Is this your badge in here, Lampton?

LAMPTON: Yeah, I left it in there just in case they try to frisk me or something. Don't want to risk anything.

HANSON: Good call

PENHALL: Would you stop babyin' her?

HANSON: I'm not babyin' her

PENHALL: Well either that or you sound like you're her boyfriend or something. Tommy, is there something you're not telling me, because I thought we had an open, honest relationship, and I don't think I can work with you unless I know that I can trust you

HANSON: Would you shut up

PENHALL: You shut up

HANSON: I said it first

PENHALL: But I've got a perfectly good reason

HANSON: Stop it

PENHALL: No you

HANSON: You

_(A car drives up. TROY and MARISSA exit car, while MAN stays inside.)_

LAMPTON: Both you guys shut up, a car just pulled up. Troy, Marissa, and an unidentified passenger. Damn tinted windows.

HANSON: _(to LAMPTON, over walkie-talkie)_ Good luck

_(TROY, MARISSA approach LAMPTON.)_

MARISSA: Priscilla Gabelle, I didn't think you'd show

LAMPTON: It's one of the things about being triplets. We tend to get a little competitive with each other. And when they seem to be doing better then me at something, well, that's just a travesty that needs correcting.

TROY: Good. Did your brothers fill you in?

LAMPTON: Of course

MARISSA: And did you set up a tutoring time?

LAMPTON: Yes, I'm Tuesdays at five with some girl named Judy or Jodie or something like that. Hell, for all I know her name could be Katie.

TROY: Perfect

LAMPTON: So when do I get to meet this mystery dealer?

MARISSA: He's in the car now. We just wanted to make sure you were for real first.

LAMPTON: Anything for team

_(TROY and MARISSA lead LAMPTON over to car. MAN in car rolls down window slightly, but doesn't reveal his face)_

MAN: You got your money?

LAMPTON: Yes

MAN: How much do you want?

LAMPTON: I've got two hundred. Whatever that'll buy me.

MAN: About a month's worth.

LAMPTON: Okay. You got the stuff?

MAN: Of course. What kind of dealer do you take me for?

LAMPTON: All right. I'll take it then.

MAN: Good choice, girly

LAMPTON: _(Hands money through window slit)_ Here you go, Chasey _(MAN takes money)_

MAN: And here you go _(Passes out two bottles of pills)_

LAMPTON: All right.

HANSON: _(to LAMPTON over walkie-talkie) _We're preparing to move in

MAN: _(Rolls down window completely) _Oh and by the way _(Holds up badge) _You're under arrest _(Smiles)_

LAMPTON: Eh?

HANSON: _(to LAMPTON over walkie-talkie) _What now?

PENHALL: _(to HANSON) _Well this is a certainly unexpected turn of events

MAN: I'm Officer Eli Condor, you're under arrest, sweetheart

LAMPTON: Wait, wait, you're joking right? Oh it's funny. Ha, ha. _(No one else is laughing) _Oh. Perhaps not. Oh wow.

MARISSA: Sorry, Priss. I really liked you, but

HANSON: _(to LAMPTON over walkie-talkie) _Lampton, keep cover with Marissa and Troy. We'll come and get you out.

LAMPTON: Shit

_INTERROGATION ROOM in POLICE PRESCIENT. CONDOR paces in front of LAMPTON who sits in chair._

CONDOR: Who's Chase?

LAMPTON:_ (Annoyed)_ I don't know! We've been here before, man! And I've told you what the hell I was doing there and you have decided to completely and totally disregard it

CONDOR: If you're a cop then where's your badge?

LAMPTON: My partners are bringing it for me!

CONDOR: Sure thing. Believe it or not we are actually intelligent.

LAMPTON: I'm starting to doubt my own kind

CONDOR: I don't care about you, Priss! You're just one little player in this whole little game! I want Chase. We can make these charges go away if you just tell us where Chase is.

LAMPTON: My name's Priscilla Lampton. I'm apart of the Jumpstreet program under Captain Adam Fuller. My badge number is 5834. Please, contact somebody and they'll tell you that this is all true. In fact, save the money on the phone call, get some exercise by going to the front desk and waiting for two most likely arguing cops that will have in their possession my badge!

CONDOR: We're not leaving this room until I get my information

LAMPTON: _(Crosses her arms)_ You are so going to hate yourself in about fifteen minutes.

_POLICE PRESCIENT. HANSON and PENHALL enter and walk to front desk. A WOMAN sits behind the desk._

HANSON: Excuse me, we're looking for Officer Elijah Condor.

WOMAN: Yes, Officer Condor is currently in interrogation, but you are welcome to wait for him.

PENHALL: _(Holds back laughter) _Interrogation?

WOMAN: Yes, interrogation _(Pause) _Would you like to leave a message for Officer Condor?

HANSON: No, who exactly is he interrogating?

WOMAN: A girl he brought in today on a drug bust, why?

PENHALL: Petite, pink-haired, probably rather angry looking girl?

WOMAN: Yes, actually

HANSON: Yea, we'll need to talk to Officer Condor and this girl right now. You see, it's a funny story really

PENHALL: Hilarious even

HANSON: You're undercover cop has seemed to have picked up a member of our undercover team

WOMAN: _(gives him a strange look) _Who are you?

HANSON: _(HANSON and PENHALL hold up their badges) _Officer Tom Hanson and this is my esteemed colleague Officer Doug Penhall, we're with the Jumpstreet program.

WOMAN: _(Grabs phone) _One moment please. _(On phone) _Get Officer Condor out of interrogation now. _(Pause) _Why? Because he's interrogating another cop, that's why! _(Pause) _Yes, I'm sure she's a cop, she's got two other officers here backing her up! _(Pause) _Yea, I'll send the two down

PENHALL:Which way to the interrogation room?

_INTERROGATION ROOM. LAMPTON and CONDOR sit angrily staring at each other. There's a knock at the door, CONDOR answers, PENHALL and HANSON walk in._

LAMPTON: Well you two certainly took your time getting here.

PENHALL: Yeah, we thought it'd be best to leave you here for awhile. Help your image a little, y'know. Wouldn't want Marissa and Troy finding out that you got out so quickly, with our cover and all.

LAMPTON: What, the tight family unit that would never abandon their little sister to a police prescient to be interrogated by a know-nothing cop who doesn't listen to a word you say?

HANSON: Yeah, something like that

CONDOR: You're really a cop?

LAMPTON: Yes! And can you explain why the massive amount of facts about my history in law enforcement? Or the repeated information about my standings within the police department weren't enough?

CONDOR: Well you don't look like a cop

LAMPTON: It's the pink hair, isn't it? Why does everyone fixate on that!

HANSON: Jeez, somebody's a bit cranky today

LAMTON: _(gives HANSON a look)_ You abandoned me with this idiot! You might be a little upset too. _(to CONDOR)_ Now, why were you on our case?

CONDOR: It's a narcotics case, through and through. I had made contact with Marissa and Troy a few weeks back, offered them immunity in exchange for someone who could give me the main link

LAMPTON: Well they fooled you. I don't know much about the inter-workings of the drug system in that school, and what I do know, I wouldn't tell you.

CONDOR: I've figured out that much

LAMPTON: Sorry, I thought you needed everything spelled out for you

CONDOR: I'm sorry. I made a mistake. It happens sometimes.

LAMPTON: Well if you had just listened!

CONDOR: Would you believe a druggie?

LAMPTON: I was buying steroid-like things from you! I wasn't playing a complete and total idiot!

CONDOR: You still bought them from me!

LAMPTON: I was being set up!

PENHALL: Simmer down there

HANSON: I think we should work this case together. Technically we already are, now we just both know about the other.

LAMPTON and CONDOR: What

LAMPTON: I'm not working with this jerk

CONDOR: Says the woman who hasn't stopped bitching about a simple mistake since she got here

LAMPTON: You'd be upset too!

PENHALL: _(to LAMPTON) _He has a point, y'know.

HANSON: _(to LAMPTON)_ And think of all the possible ways you can get back at him if he's nearby, compared to if he's at a completely different prescient.

LAMPTON: Fine

CONDOR: So what are you guys got?

PENHALL: You go first

CONDOR: I know that's there's an outside source, called Chase. I assumed that you knew Chase because you referred to me as "Chasey", which is why I brought you in for questioning

LAMPTON: Is that all?

CONDOR: Yes

LAMPTON: Wow. You're far.

CONDOR: How much do you have?

HANSON: We knew about Chase. We know that he uses the tutors as middlemen for distributing the drugs and most likely the sales as well, which will make him hard to catch if he's only touching everything indirectly.

PENHALL: Troy Addens and Marissa Thompson are probably the biggest users at that school, and also the people whom you granted immunity to so that they could give you a cop who can't give you the information that you need.

CONDOR: Point taken

HANSON: Good

CONDOR: _(to HANSON and PENHALL)_ Who are you two, anyways?

HANSON: Oh! Wow. We didn't do the whole introductions thing did we? I'm Tom Hanson, nice to meet you_ (HANSON and CONDOR shake hands)_

PENHALL: Doug Penhall _(PENHALL and CONDOR shake hands)_

CONDOR: Eli Condor _(to LAMPTON)_ And I suppose your name is really Priscilla Lampton?

LAMPTON: Yea, but it'll be Officer Lampton to you.

HANSON: _(to LAMPTON and CONDOR)_ And I think we should leave any sort of one-on-one interaction between you two with that.

LAMPTON: _(Shakes head)_ Here's what we're going to do, Condor keep pretending like you think I have information you need. Hanson and Penhall I want you two going back into the school, make it known that you're both pissed at Marissa and Troy for getting me caught. Say you want to meet with the real dealer, share some words.

PENHALL: Then you have to stay completely hidden, Priss. We can't take any chances of them seeing you out and about.

LAMPTON: I know

HANSON: Where are you going to stay?

LAMPTON: I'll just have to hang out at the Chapel during the day until you losers solve this case. I'll be annoying so it'll give you incentive to solve it quickly.

PENHALL: Thanks

LAMPTON: Anything I can do to help

HANSON: Where are you going to go at night?

LAMPTON: Home

HANSON: What if they see you?

LAMPTON: This was never a problem before

HANSON: _(Slightly edgier) _What if they see you?

LAMPTON: Then our cover's broken, all right! Whatda except me to do? I have to go home! What do you expect Emma to do without me there? How many self-sufficient seven-year-olds do you see running about? And if you say Annie, I swear to God

PENHALL: _(Interrupting)_ What about the roommate of yours?

LAMPTON: First of all, that'd be a big favor. I mean she's all ready practically doing slave labor for me as it is. And secondly, don't you remember her name?

PENHALL: I only met her once! Whatcha expect?

LAMPTON: You hit on her at Emma's birthday party, Penhall. All night.

HANSON: He hits on a lot of women. Increases his chances. Simple probability.

PENHALL: Hey!

CONDOR: Can we focus here? We have an entire school hocked up on drugs and you three are all in his giant flirting fest with each other!

_(HANSON and PENHALL exchange disgusted looks and step away from each other)_

LAMPTON: He's right, we need to focus. Hanson, I'm going home, end of story. They haven't seen me before, what makes you think that they'd see me now?

HANSON: Did you ever think that maybe they did see you, figure out you're a cop, and handed you over in particular so that they wouldn't have to bust one of their friends in exchange for their immunity?

LAMPTON: If that's the case, Tom, then we're all screwed!

HANSON: _(Angrily)_ Would you just listen to me?

LAMPTON:_ (Angrily)_ And would you just listen to me?

PENHALL: _(to HANSON)_ Slow down there, tiger _(looks at LAMPTON)_ tigers. If Hanson's right, then both you and Emma are probably in a little danger, not a lot of danger, but enough to be slightly panicking. That and the fact that we're all screwed doesn't look to great either. If Lampton's right we solve the case and these kids don't get a free pass to millions of dollars in sports and drug deals, all right?

CONDOR: How do we know who's right?

PENHALL: _(Sighs)_ I think the three of us should pull out

LAMPTON: What!

PENHALL: We can't be sure if our cover is clear or not, Priss. Judy and Harry are both still in there with a viable cover. They can still solve this case.

HANSON: Think about Emma, Priss

LAMPTON: I'd never put her in danger. Don't you dare say that I would.

HANSON: I'm not saying that

LAMPTON: Then what are you saying?

HANSON: That I don't want you to get hurt, okay!

PENHALL: I think, we're ahh, just gonna_ (Motions towards exit)_

CONDOR: And if I knew you two, I'd make up some excuse for my leaving, but since I really don't, I'll just say it, I'm uncomfortable.

_(CONDOR exits)_

PENHALL: _(Backing towards door)_ I'm not or anything. I just really need some fresh air. Yes. Air. I love air. Just love it. Wish we had more of it. Not that we don't have enough of it or anything. But at the rate that they're cutting down the rainforest, you never know _(Walks out of door, shutting it behind him)_

LAMPTON: Look what you did

HANSON: I didn't do anything. They're just idiots. That Condor guy attempted to interrogate you after all, which leads to a second non-related point that we should not trust him with something even slightly important. And Penhall is Penhall. Loveable. Has his moments. But never would be described as an emotional genius.

LAMPTON: _(Sighs)_ I think this case is starting to get to me. I didn't mean to snap at you the way I did. It's just, everything's so

HANSON: I know

LAMPTON: I just wish we could make the bust and move on. Why all this?

HANSON: Because our two leads are devil spawn

LAMPTON: I'd laugh, but I actually think it's true by this point

HANSON: Sadly, I have to agree

LAMPTON: So, Hoffs and Ioki?

HANSON: They can take it down from the inside

LAMPTON: I just don't like giving in. I tend to get tunnel vision on this type of stuff.

HANSON: I kinda picked up on that

LAMPTON: Are we good?

HANSON:_ (Smiles)_ We're good

_THE NEXT DAY. ADAMS HIGH SCHOOL. HOFFS and IOKI are sitting in a CLASSROOM. STUDENTS enter gossiping._

GIRL #1: Did you hear about those three transfer students?

BOY #1: The cops? Hell yeah!

BOY #2: Did they really think that they could pull off being teenagers for longer then a week? How sad is that!

GIRL #1: I can't believe the school even allowed them on the sports teams! That has to be against some sort of regs, you know? God, I hope we don't get pulled out of the league because of it!

GIRL #2: No, they wouldn't do that. They never played in a game.

BOY #3: Still

HOFFS: There are no rules against having people over the age limit on a team as long as they don't play in a game. The school doesn't even have to report it.

GIRL #1: Are you sure?

HOFFS: Positive

IOKI: What happened to those three cops, anyways?

GIRL #2: I heard that Troy Addens and Marissa Thompson busted them

BOY #3: I would have hated to be around when Marissa's dad found out that three cops were buddying up to his daughter

HOFFS: I still can't believe that they needed three cops in one school! I mean, how hard is it to find a bad guy, y'know?

BOY #1: Totally

GIRL #1: God, I can't believe I actually thought those two guys were hot

GIRL #2: I know!

BOY #2: How can our parents let cops come into the schools like that? I mean, they could be forcing the kids that they bust into committing the crimes, y'know? Entrapment or somethin', right?

IOKI: Yeah, how can we be sure that's not going on? I mean, what if they tried to pin something on Troy right before the game?

BOY #2: I bet those cops were trying to pin something on Marissa and Troy

BOY #1: (Laughs) Well it wouldn't be hard to do, I mean I think I could get enough evidence from the locker room alone to pin something on Marissa and Troy, and three cops couldn't manage it?

HOFFS: That's tax money well spent

BOY #3: No shit

_LATER JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. HANSON, FULLER, PENHALL, and LAMPTON are all sitting around a conference table playing Indian poker._

HANSON: I'll see your Oreo, and I'll raise you a ding-dog.

LAMPTON: That's a sentence I'd never thought I'd hear

FULLER: I see your ding-dong

PENHALL: That could be misinterpreted

FULLER: And I raise you a Chiclet

HANSON: Feeling a little low on confidence there, Captain?

FULLER: Maybe I'm just playing with your mind, Hanson

_(HOFFS and IOKI enter)_

HOFFS: But if we get the warrant, then we can nail them and Chase

IOKI: The problem isn't with the plan, the problem is the actual execution of the plan. No judge in their right mind would give a warrant out on the Mayor's daughter with nothing but gossip to back it up

HOFFS: So we go after Troy

IOKI: Mayor would probably protect him too

HOFFS: Why?

IOKI: First of all, he's an all-star on the football team, community wouldn't be pleased if he couldn't play the season because he was facing drug charges, second, he's Marissa's boyfriend, and I know Marissa's type

HOFFS: The Daddy's girl?

IOKI: Yep. Probably's got the Mayor on a string. Hell, for all we know, she could be running the district

HOFFS: Conspiracy nut

PENHALL: Do you two mind, we are currently in the middle of a serious game of poker, one false move, and Hanson here could go hungry!

HANSON: Yeah!

_(CONDOR enters)_

CONDOR: Is this the Jumpstreet Chapel?

HOFFS: Yes, and who might you be?

LAMPTON: _(to HOFFS)_ That's him

HOFFS: _(to LAMPTON)_ Him who?

LAMPTON:_ (to HOFFS)_ Him him

HOFFS: _(to LAMPTON)_ Oh, that him

_(LAMPTON nods)_

HOFFS: _(to CONDOR)_ Due to previously obtained bonds of friendship, I will be unable to communicate with you at this current moment in time. However, I can direct you to Officer H.T. Ioki who will be more then happy to field your questions that this moment in time.

FULLER: Hoffs!

HOFFS: I'm sorry captain, I'm bound by the social standards of society on this one

PENHALL: I think they've been spending too much time around teenagers if you ask me

HANSON: A valid point from the King of Maturity

"BLOWFISH": Nah, girls do stuff like this all the time. I mean the whole bathroom thing? What is with the bathroom thing?

HANSON: I must admit I have wondered about the bathroom thing for quite some time now

PENHALL: I think all men have

HANSON: Through the ages

"BLOWFISH": Why do you think men always have confused, pondering faces in famous paintings? They're pondering that very question, my friends

LAMPTON: What bathroom thing? The couch?

HANSON: What couch?

PENHALL: You have a couch!

HOFFS: Yeah, so?

PENHALL: I can't believe they get a couch!

FULLER: Are we completely and totally incapable of talking about anything to do with whatever case we are on? We're trying to convince the department that we are a viable department!

LAMPTON: You know, that two of hearts on your forehead really says a lot about that particular statement, captain

_(FULLER glares)_

HANSON: Two of hearts!

PENHALL: You got the two of spades, man. Nothing to brag about.

HANSON: What? _(Takes card off of forehead)_ And you let me bet?

PENHALL: I thought if I encouraged you enough, you'd share the cookies with me

HANSON: But you knew I wouldn't win!

PENHALL: Or something else that would make that statement valid

_(CONDOR clears this throat)_

HANSON and PENHALL: What?

CONDOR: Oh, I don't know, two kids reeking havoc on a small sports-oriented school through use of illegal and dangerous performance enhancing drugs

IOKI: What have you got?

CONDOR: Nothing. They won't talk to me.

LAMPTON: So your point in coming here was?

CONDOR: To see if you had anything of use

FULLER: We don't have time for this little game of theirs. The Mayor will be breathing down our necks any second now because we're investigating his precious little girl and her perfect little boyfriend for being drug dealers!

CONDOR: I have my guys at Vice working day and night on this. They're supposed to call me the second they dig something up on this Chase guy.

HOFFS: What if there even isn't a Chase! Hell for all we know Marissa and Troy could be heading up this whole thing by themselves!

PENHALL: Jude's right. We got to get something solid on these kids.

LAMPTON: Do we have anything that could get us a warrant?

IOKI: Nothing. They're clean as hell.

HANSON: What about that set-up they put on?

FULLER: They could claim they were just pulling a prank or trying to stop drugs in their school. They have the Mayor on their side, guys. Whatever they say, as long as it's remotely believable, will pass.

CONDOR: We need to set up surveillance of these guys. Day and night.

LAMPTON: I can take the day on one of them

PENHALL: Me and Hanson will follow Marissa, less of a chance of her recognizing us right away.

CONDOR: You want day or night?

HANSON: Night, less of a chance of her seeing our faces

PENHALL: I concur

CONDOR: All right

LAMPTON: I can take the day shift on somebody

FULLER: What about _(makes motion towards his head)?_

LAMPTON: I'll wear a wig

FULLER: All right, I want you following Marissa _(Pause)_ and Condor I want you going with her

LAMPTON: Eh?

CONDOR: _(Through gritted teeth)_ That should be fine, Captain Fuller

_(LAMPTON bangs her head down on the table)_

IOKI: Me and Jude can cover the night shift on Troy

FULLER: All right, Condor, can you get two people from narcotics to cover the day shift on Troy?

CONDOR: Sure, no problem. I've got two other guys backing me up on this thing, I'll enlist them to cover that shift.

FULLER: This is a time bomb, people. We have to find something in the next few days or else we'll never have a chance at them.

PENHALL: Can we send somebody over to distract the Mayor or something?

FULLER: With what?

HANSON: I hear the circus is in town

HOFFS: Because the mayor would enjoy going to the circus and would not be the least bit suspicious that some random cop from Jumpstreet is taking him there

HANSON: Pretty much, yeah.

PENHALL: He's a gullible one, that guy

CONDOR:_ (to LAMPTON)_ I'll pick you up around six thirty tomorrow, all right?

LAMPTON: _(to CONDOR)_ Can't. I can meet you up at eight thirty at the earliest, and that's pushing it.

CONDOR: _(to LAMPTON)_ Why?

LAMPTON: _(to CONDOR)_ Because I have to make sure Emma gets off to school all right. I can't leave a seven-year-old alone first thing in the morning. God, she'd probably eat chocolate ice cream and wear my clothes to school!

HOFFS: Oh, but how cute would that be?

LAMPTON: To school?

HOFFS: It'd make a great story. Minus the abandonment parts.

CONDOR: _(to LAMPTON)_ Wait, who's Emma?

LAMPTON: _(to CONDOR)_ My daughter. Now if you could pick me up at eight thirty that would be great. Even greater if you brought doughnuts. The sprinkle kind, let's face it, I'm a kid at heart.

CONDOR: _(to LAMPTON)_ You have a kid?

LAMPTON: _(to CONDOR)_ It'd be a pretty weird lie if I didn't. Like needing psychiatric help kind of weird.

CONDOR: _(to LAMPTON)_ Can't your husband or whatever get it off to school?

LAMPTON: _(to CONDOR)_ First of all, her, not it. Second of all, that'd be a really great idea if I was married

CONDOR: _(to LAMPTON)_ Then do you want me to just follow her on my own until eight thirty?

LAMPTON: _(to CONDOR)_ Yeah. It shouldn't be hard. She's a teenager, he won't be up at six-thirty in the morning, and if she is, she won't have very fast reflexes. I think you could take her by yourself.

HOFFS: And I believe that is one: Lampton, zero: Condor

_THE NEXT DAY. LAMPTON and CONDOR are sitting in a car together. LAMPTON is drinking a latte and wearing a blonde wig, CONDOR is eating a doughnut and looking through binoculars._

LAMPTON: So, Marissa is in school. According to her schedule she'll be in US History right about now. Important stuff that history.

CONDOR: You can't leave the car

LAMPTON: I never said I wanted to

CONDOR: You've been hinting at it ever since I first said 'you can't leave the car'

LAMPTON: Are you always such a pain in the ass?

CONDOR: Do you always talk this much?

LAMPTON: We might as well talk, it'd be less suspicious then two grown adults sitting in a car outside a school not talking and intently starting at each and every student with binoculars

CONDOR: People don't pay that much attention

LAMPTON: You'd be surprised how much attention they pay to their kids

CONDOR: Well thank god we're hired for our forgettable faces

LAMPTON: Speak for yourself, I'm stunning. Really, I'm in the wrong profession. I should have been a pageant queen or something. Maybe I should try out for Miss America next year. I just have to say some mumbo jumbo about world peace, and then highlight by good doing by establishing my short-lived, but highly decorated career as a police officer, helping kids, keeping our streets clean, and I'm a shoe-in.

CONDOR: Would you shut up?

LAMPTON: Well aren't you Mr. Personable. You know, if this were a pageant, I would so not vote you for Ms. Congeniality.

CONDOR: Ms?

LAMPTON: You called my kid an 'it', it's my turn to have my fun with pronouns

CONDOR: Ms. isn't a pronoun, it's a title

LAMPTON: Whatever

CONDOR: Oh, so much for Miss Chatty, I have a response for everything

LAMPTON: Shut up

CONDOR: You're mature

LAMPTON: I work with teenagers, did you really think maturity was apart of my genetic make-up?

CONDOR: Usually maturity comes with a kid

LAMPTON: Well the damn stork must have forgotten it

CONDOR: _(Shakes head and looks into binoculars)_ Oh, looks like Marissa doesn't feel the same way about History as you do

LAMPTON: What?

CONDOR: She's skipping

LAMPTON: Where's she going?

CONDOR: _(Putting car into drive)_ I don't know but we're following her

_(MARISSA walks out of the school and through the parking lot)_

LAMPTON: Don't move yet

CONDOR: We might lose her

LAMPTON: Or she might notice us. Wait for her to leave the parking lot.

CONDOR: Fine

_(MARISSA leaves the parking lot and heads out into town, CONDOR pulls out of the parking space)_

LAMPTON: Good boy

CONDOR: Shut up

_(MARISSA walks to pay phone and stops. She looks around, then walks into pay phone and dials)_

CONDOR: She left school to make a phone call

LAMPTON: _(Unbuckles seat belt)_ I'm going out there

CONDOR: Wait! What if she recognizes you?

LAMPTON: We were hired for our forgettable faces, right?_ (Puts on sunglasses and steps out of the car)_

CONDOR:_ (Whispering)_ Lampton!_ (Door slam)_ Dammit

_(LAMPTON walks over towards payphone, pretending to window shop. She stops at the store in front of the payphone pretending to be interested in a dress displayed in the front window. MARISSA begins talking on the phone, LAMPTON listens)_

MARISSA: Chase, I want out

_(LAMPTON mouths 'dammit')_

MARISSA: Why! You know why!

_(LAMPTON mouths 'why')_

MARISSA: Because of all the stuff that is happening, Chase! There's too much attention! And if my father finds out then we're all screwed

_(LAMPTON nods)_

MARISSA: Look, I just can't do this anymore, all right? Just cut me and Troy out. We're done being your lap dogs. (Pause) Well then we'll go to the Police. I'll sell you out!

_(LAMPTON winces)_

MARISSA: Don't you threaten me! Do you know who my father is?

_(LAMPTON mouths the word 'no' repeatedly)_

MARISSA: I'm going to the Police and that's final! _(Hangs up phone angrily)_

_(LAMPTON begins walking towards the door of the store, but keeps within ear range of MARISSA. MARISSA looks around, then begins walking back towards the school. LAMPTON makes a move to enter the store as she leaves. After a minute, LAMPTON walks back to the car)_

LAMPTON: She wants out. She says she's going to the Police.

CONDOR: What an idiot

LAMPTON: I think we need to bring her in

CONDOR: Why?

LAMPTON: Because now she's in danger. Do you want the Mayor's daughter's blood on your hands? Not to mention the Mayor on your ass?

_(CONDOR puts car into drive and follows MARISSA back to the school)_

CONDOR: Why can't they just be grown adults with no attachment to the political chiefs of the city?

LAMPTON: Because that would make this way too easy and solving easy cases would never go over well with the judges at the Miss America Pageant. They want to see blood, sweat, and tears, baby.

CONDOR: You are by far the single most interesting person I have ever met

LAMPTON: Thanks

CONDOR: It's not a compliment

LAMPTON: Well then, screw you

_(LAMPTON picks up walkie-talkie)_

CONDOR: What are you doing?

LAMPTON: Telling Fuller what happened so he can approve our bringing Marissa in for her own protection plan

CONDOR: Are you serious?

LAMPTON: Like Napoleon

CONDOR: What does Napoleon have to do with anything?

LAMPTON: Don't you think that Napoleon was serious about conquering Europe?

CONDOR: Never mind

_(LAMPTON turns on walkie-talkie)_

PENHALL: _(OC, over walkie-talkie)_ This is the Chapel, what's up Lampton? Over.

LAMPTON: _(Into walkie-talkie)_ Hey, Doug, is Fuller there, we're got a question of ethics in the political gender occurring here. Over.

PENHALL:_ (OC, over walkie-talkie) _Come again? Ethics and politics should never be in the same sentence. Over.

LAMPTON: _(Into walkie-talkie)_ Marissa wants out, she threatened Chase. Over.

PENHALL: _(OC, over walkie-talkie)_ Well that's quite the politically ethical predicament. Over.

CONDOR: Would you just get Fuller all ready? I don't want to have to burst into the school! Over.

LAMPTON: We can just call her down to the office if we need to, all right? Over.

PENHALL: _(OC, over walkie-talkie)_ Here's Fuller. Over.

FULLER: _(OC, over walkie-talkie)_ You said something about Marissa wanting to comp out? Over.

LAMPTON: _(Into walkie-talkie)_ Yeah, we over-heard a conversation between her and Chase on a payphone about three blocks away from the school. Over.

FULLER: _(OC, over walkie-talkie)_ So you want to bring her in. Over.

LAMPTON: _(Into walkie-talkie)_ For her protection I think it would be best. For the case, I think it might screw us over and we should just wait for her to show up and spill the beans or for us to catch them in the act and otherwise destroy their futures and take out a drug kingpin of the high school genre. Over.

FULLER: _(OC, over walkie-talkie)_ Let's give her a twenty-four hour grace period. Remember we've got full surveillance and the Mayor probably has some sort of security system for his house. I don't want to blow this case on the most likely heated words of a seventeen-year-old girl. Over.

LAMPTON: _(Into walkie-talkie)_ All right. Over.

FULLER: _(OC, over walkie-talkie)_ Over and out

LAMPTON: _(Into walkie-talkie)_ Over and out. _(Sets down walkie-talkie)_

CONDOR: _(After a long pause)_ We'll keep an eye on her, don't worry

LAMPTON: She's just a kid

CONDOR: I know

LAMPTON: How do kids get into this stuff?

CONDOR: I don't know

LAMPTON: _(Smirking)_ Do you know anything?

CONDOR: _(Shakes head and smiles)_ Apparently nothing of any use

LAMPTON: And you call yourself a police officer

_ADAMS HIGH SCHOOL. HOFFS and IOKI are in the lunchroom surrounded by a group of teens loudly talking. TROY is sitting nearby._

GIRL #1: Has anyone taken the history test yet?

HOFFS: For you?

GIRL #1: Willards

HOFFS: No, I have her next. I've heard it's terrible, though

BOY #1: Like the Black Plague manifested

IOKI: Nah, I didn't think it was that bad

GIRL #1: Really, you've taken it?

IOKI: Yeah. It was easy.

BOY #2: But we barely covered any of that material! Actually, I think about half the test was on stuff we had never learned about

IOKI: It's just the Vietnam War, haven't you guys studied it like fifteen billion time already? You guys should know it backwards and forwards.

BOY #1: No, that's more like the Revolutionary War. God, if I hear one more story about George Washington, I think I'm going to hurl.

GIRL #2: I think I'd hurl on a cherry tree just to spite them

HOFFS: Now that's patriotic

_(TROY stands up and moves to exit the lunchroom. IOKI nudges HOFFS)_

IOKI: Speaking of hard tests, Jude, can you show me those notes for the biology test you were talking to me about earlier? I think I'm going to fail that class, your notes just might bring me to passing.

GIRL #1: You should trade him for the answers to the history test

HOFFS: (_Notices TROY) (Laughs slightly at GIRL #1's joke)_ Yeah, sure, they're in my locker, Harry.

_(IOKI and HOFFS stand up)_

IOKI: We'll catch you guys later, all right?

GIRL #1: Judy, if he gives you the answers, you know you're sitting next to me, right?

HOFFS: Cross my heart

_(IOKI and HOFFS exit where TROY exited)_

_HALLWAY. IOKI and HOFFS casually follow behind TROY._

IOKI: Where's he going?

HOFFS: To smoke in the boys' room

IOKI: You need to stop hanging around Priss, Jude. I think she's starting to rub off on you.

HOFFS: Sorry, it's all those late night sleepovers and pillow fights

IOKI: Really?

HOFFS: No!

IOKI: That's my Judy. Slightly hostile but always lovable

HOFFS: Hostile? I am not hostile.

_(TROY walks out of the school and into the parking lot)_

IOKI: Hold back a second

HOFFS: What?

IOKI: He'll notice if we follow him right out

_(They watch from inside the school for a moment before exiting out the door. TROY walks to the same phone booth that MARISSA was at earlier while HOFFS and IOKI follow behind him)_

HOFFS: He's making a phone call?

IOKI: Guess so

_(TROY begins talking on the phone, HOFFS and IOKI strain to hear, but they can't hear what he is saying)_

HOFFS: How do we get closer?

IOKI: Go with me on this, okay?

HOFFS: What?

_(IOKI grabs her hand and begins walking towards TROY. HOFFS begins to panic, but IOKI shoots her a glance. HOFFS takes a breath and continues to walk towards TROY. Once close enough to the phone booth for them to understand the conversation, IOKI stops in front of a store and pretends to be interested in a display. HOFFS mimics his actions awkwardly.)_

TROY: Marissa told me what she said to you, Chase

_(IOKI and HOFFS exchange looks)_

TROY: Look, man, she was freakin' all right? About all that stuff that you said about cops in the school. Now she's paranoid that there's more and stuff. God, she can't even walk out of her house without freaking out about something! But she's okay, now. She's calmed down. She understands that there are no more cops after her.

_(IOKI and HOFFS smile slightly)_

TROY: We've got to meet up _(pause)_ I know that's gonna be hard for you, but you just gotta do it, all right! Or else I'm afraid Marissa might do something stupid!

_(IOKI and HOFFS exchange looks)_

TROY: Look, I know we've had our problems in the past, Chase

_(Pause)_

TROY: Yes, by the past I mean the past couple of days

_(Pause)_

TROY: You just have to understand what she's going through. Who she is. If her father finds out, the shit is doing more then just hitting the fan. Just think about that before you think about bailing.

_(IOKI and HOFFS exchange worried looks)_

TROY: You better be there, Chase._ (Hangs up phone angrily and begins walking in IOKI and HOFFS direction)_

_(HOFFS begins to panic, grabs IOKI'S face and kisses him while TROY passes by. Once TROY passes, HOFFS and IOKI separate, IOKI looking extremely happy)_

HOFFS: Shut up, he would have seen us

IOKI: Sure

HOFFS: It's the truth! It's the only thing I could think of to do at the time!

IOKI: I wonder what Penhall would think

HOFFS: Oh come on! You know there's nothing between me and Penhall except a strictly flirtatious platonic relationship

IOKI: Which leaves plenty of room for a well-placed crush on your partner

HOFFS: Now you're just delusional

_LATER. THE CHAPEL. HANSON and PENHALL are sitting at their respective desks looking through case folders, FULLER is sitting on HANSON'S desk looking through his own copy of the folder and drinking a cup of coffee. IOKI and HOFFS enter._

IOKI: Oh, just admit it, Jude. It's not a big deal!

HOFFS: It was merely an attempt to maintain our cover. Excuse me for having a brain.

IOKI: Hey, Penhall!

HANSON, PENHALL, and FULLER:_ (Look up from their folders)_ Shh! _(Looks back down at their folders. Everyone flips a page)_

IOKI: We left them alone for a day

HOFFS: I'd expect this out of Hanson and Penhall

IOKI: They are Scooby and Shaggy

HOFFS: But Fuller

IOKI: Yeah

FULLER: We are merely attempting to solve this case. Excuse us for having brains.

HOFFS: Maybe we should be quiet

IOKI: And read the case folder?

HOFFS: Just what I was thinking, partner

IOKI: As in life partner?

_(HOFFS glares at IOKI and shoves the folder in his face. HOFFS and IOKI take their respective seats. Silence passes as they continue to flip through the folder at the same pace.)_

HANSON: Page ten, go to page ten

_(Everyone flips to page ten in their folders)_

PENHALL: Okay. Now what?

HANSON: Read a little, would you?

PENHALL:_ (Reads)_ Oohh, that

HANSON: Yeah, that

FULLER: Well that's something

HOFFS: Didn't see that one coming

IOKI: Nope

HANSON: Should we?

FULLER: Yeah

PENHALL: It's just

FULLER: Did you not read it?

PENHALL: Yeah, but _(looks around, whispering)_ Mayor Thompson!

HOFFS: Will hopefully congratulate us on a job well done

IOKI: It's quite a jump, though

HANSON: That's why we need to prove it, Ioki

IOKI: Yeah, but how?

FULLER: That's quite the quandary, my friend. _(Closes folder)_ However, you guys are the undercover officers, _(Stands up)_ you figure it out. _(Exits to OFFICE)_

HOFFS: How's that for being our fearless leader

_(LAMPTON and CONDOR enter)_

PENHALL: Well you two seem to have figured out your differences

LAMPTON: And how's what?

HANSON: Easy, you didn't kill each other

PENHALL: I had my money on you killing him

LAMPTON: _(Rolls eyes and takes a seat at her desk)_ Anything come of our break in the case?

HANSON: Nope

HOFFS: Troy called later telling Chase that Marissa was just having a minor melt down or something. Apparently they're back on from what we could figure

CONDOR: _(Sits down on HANSON'S desk, picks up case file)_ Anything come from reading the case file over and over again, boys?

HANSON: _(Takes folder back from CONDOR)_ Actually, yeah, we might have just made a break in the case

CONDOR: Really? What?

HANSON: Harper Chase

CONDOR: Has a terrible name?

HANSON: Mayor Thompson's Chief Legal Aid

CONDOR: You're proposing that the Chief Legal Aid to the Mayor is also fronting a drug ring and using the Mayor's daughter and her boyfriend to do his bidding

LAMPTON: It does make sense when you think about it. That would be how he could get close to Troy and Marissa without anyone suspecting, or how he could know that me, Hanson, and Penhall are cops.

IOKI: Actually, Chase did pass on information that there were cops in Adams High School. Troy's conversation confirmed it today. Nothing specific about you three, though. I just assume that they connected the dots

CONDOR: Still, I mean, that's going after a Chief of something in the Mayor's cabinet. Mayor Thompson will not be pleased.

HOFFS: It will kill his image having a drug kingpin stashed in his own cabinet

IOKI: Not to mention the involvement of his daughter right under his nose

CONDOR: We can't just presume that because their names match that they are the same person. I mean Chase could be a first name, a last name, hell a friendly neighborhood nickname from back in the good ol' days.

HANSON: Which is why I think we should monitor him, look, he has to touch this stuff at some point. If it isn't that Chase, then boo-hoo on us, we screwed up, but nobody will ever know that we even looked into it because the case file will be sealed thanks to the Mayor because of his daughter's involvement.

_(MARISSA enters, but nobody notices, they continue to argue)_

MARISSA: Is this Jumpstreet Chapel?

_(PENHALL, HOFFS, IOKI, HANSON, and LAMPTON all duck for cover to hide their faces from MARISSA. PENHALL and HANSON share a blanket, LAMPTON jumps behind a desk, HOFFS grabs a coat and throws it over her head, and IOKI holds a folder over her face)_

CONDOR: Why yes this is, Marissa. Are you looking for someone?

_(FULLER walks out of his office)_

FULLER: Did you all kill each other or somethin' cause I can't hear you arguing or saying something witty and off-topic _(notices MARISSA)_ What the!

MARISSA: Look, I know about this place, all right. I won't tell anyone what you guys look like, all right? I just need to turn myself in.

CONDOR: For what?

MARISSA: Oh, don't play dumb with me, Officer Condor. You know what, and I've sick of dealing with it, all right?

LAMPTON: _(From behind desk)_ Marissa, do you want to give up Chase or don't you? Because if you're not, then I'm not coming out, if you are, then I can talk with you and we can sort this whole mess out, all right?

MARISSA: Priss? Priss Gabelle?

LAMPTON: Ah crap

PENHALL: You should have disguised your voice or something!

HANSON: Then why didn't you disguise your voice, genius

PENHALL: Because I have a less recognizable voice then she does, genius

LAMPTON: Scooby, Shaggy, cut it!

MARISSA: And is that your brothers?

PENHALL: Oh

HANSON: So much for your mysterious voice

MARISSA: Can you guys come out now?

HANSON: Whatda think, Captain?

FULLER: She already knows who you all are

_(LAMPTON crawls out from behind the desk, while HANSON and PENHALL remove the blanket)_

LAMPTON: Priss Lampton, pleased to meet you

HANSON: Tom Hanson

PENHALL: Doug Penhall

MARISSA: Nice to meet all you. _(to LAMPTON)_ Sorry I had you arrested, Officer Lampton. It was Troy's idea.

LAMPTON: I'm over it

HANSON: Sure

LAMPTON: What I am!

HANSON: Whatever you say

FULLER: This was the kind of off-topic banter I was referring too

MARISSA: This is a Police Station, isn't it?

CONDOR: They're rather informal here, something about the job description requiring a lack of maturity

LAMPTON: (_Walks over to MARISSA) _Follow me, kiddo, we'll work this whole thing out

MARISSA: Why are they still hiding? I promised I wouldn't tell

LAMPTON: _(Puts an arm around MARISSA and leads her towards an interrogation room)_ What can I say, they're mysterious in nature.

HANSON: You mind if me and Penhall join you, Priss?

LAMPTON: Do you mind, Marissa?

MARISSA: The more the merrier

CONDOR: What about me?

LAMPTON: No

CONDOR: What? I thought you were over it!

LAMPTON: The trip back to the interrogation room brought back bad memories

HANSON: What can I say, man, it's what the woman wants!

LAMPTON: Don't be so smug, Hanson!

PENHALL: _(to HANSON)_ She obviously hasn't gotten over it

_INTERROGATION ROOM. MARISSA and LAMPTON sit on one side of the table while HANSON and PENHALL sit on the other. LAMPTON is holding a pad of paper and a pen. HANSON holds a recording device._

MARISSA: And you're sure that this won't get out? It'll be a secret.

LAMPTON: From your father, no

HANSON: From whoever it is that you are about to turn in, yes

MARISSA: And Troy?

LAMPTON: I'm sorry, sweetie, he'll probably find out

MARISSA: Can't I work some sort of deal for him?

LAMPTON: Did you ask him to come with you?

MARISSA: Yeah

LAMPTON: Then that's all you could have done, kiddo. Sorry.

MARISSA: And can I receive any sort of deal for this information?

HANSON: What kind of deal are you interested in?

MARISSA: Immunity

LAMPTON: I don't know, Marissa. I don't think we can promise you total immunity.

MARISSA: What can you promise me?

PENHALL: Community Service

LAMPTON: Huh?

PENHALL: We'll offer you community service. Teach kids the dangers of using drugs to get ahead.

MARISSA: For how long?

HANSON: We can let the judge dictate that

MARISSA: All right

LAMPTON: Would you like a child advocate?

MARISSA: No

PENHALL: You ready, Marissa, or do you want to wait another minute or two? Y'know, collect your thoughts.

MARISSA:_ (Shakes head)_ No, let me do this before I lose my nerve.

HANSON: All right _(turns on recording device)_ This is Officer Thomas Hanson interviewing Marissa Thompson for information containing to the recent narcotics-related incidents at Adams High School in exchange for community service, hours of which will be dictated by a judge, that will be spent teaching peers about the dangers of narcotics usage. With me are Officer Douglas Penhall and Officer Priscilla Lampton. Ms. Thompson has refused her right to a child advocate.

LAMPTON: Who is your source, Marissa?

MARISSA: Harper Chase, my father's Chief Legal Aid

LAMPTON: Is Harper Chase responsible for selling the drugs to athletes at Adams High School?

MARISSA: Yes

PENHALL: And how did he do that, Marissa?

MARISSA: Chase would call me or Troy and say that he had a shipment ready. Then we would call a list of tutors that would come and pick up the drugs in small portions, sell them, keep a small profit for themselves. Me and Troy would also get our own small portions of the shipment, sell some for a slightly higher profit and keep some for ourselves

HANSON: Can you give a last name for Troy, please?

MARISSA: Troy Addens, my boyfriend

HANSON: Did Harper Chase ever sell any of the drugs himself?

MARISSA: Well, no, not really, I guess. Me and Troy would collect all of the left over money from the tutors, and give it back to Chase at another meeting

PENHALL: Where were the meetings held?

MARISSA: It always changed. _(Laughs slightly)_ One time, it was in my father's office.

HANSON: Anything else you would like to add, Marissa?

MARISSA: No, nothing

HANSON: _(Turns off recording device)_ All right, thanks, Marissa. Now if you could write a statement and sign it for us, that would complete the interview

MARISSA: Okay

LAMPTON: _(Hands pen and paper to MARISSA)_ Do you want an officer to be posted outside of your house tonight, Marissa?

MARISSA: Do you really think that is going to help?

LAMPTON: Nothing is going to happen to you, Marissa. I promise.

MARISSA: I wish I could believe you, Priss. Really, I do. I just have a hard time getting my head around it, is all. I mean, I'm out in the open here.

LAMPTON: Nothing is going to happen.

MARISSA: I trust you, I really do. I just don't trust myself.

_OUTSIDE INTERROGATION ROOM. HANSON and LAMPTON exit, closing the door behind them. HOFFS, IOKI, FULLER, and CONDOR wait outside._

LAMPTON: _(Nodding)_ We've got them

HANSON: Marissa's going to need officers posted outside of her house tonight, both Chase and Troy are aware that she wanted to spill.

FULLER: Are you two volunteering?

HANSON: I will

LAMPTON: I can't, I've got Emma

FULLER: What about Penhall?

HANSON: He's got a date tonight

HOFFS: Can't he cancel that?

HANSON: Not Penhall

FULLER: Well he'll have to, unless someone else is willing to take his place

CONDOR: I'll do it

HANSON: I'm sure Penhall can reschedule

CONDOR: Wait, you just said that he wouldn't

HANSON: Well, with the right reasoning he might

CONDOR: And what reasoning would that be?

HANSON: Job security

IOKI: _(to HOFFS, whispering)_ What is this, High Noon at Jumpstreet Chapel?

HOFFS: _(to IOKI, whispering)_ I'm have expecting them to whip it out and measure

FULLER: If Condor's willing to do the work, I'm not going to fire Penhall

CONDOR: See, there's no problem

LAMPTON: You okay, Tom?

HANSON: I'm fine. I'm just used to working with Penhall

FULLER: Adjust

_(FULLER, IOKI, and HOFFS exit)_

CONDOR: Ask, Priss, I'm tons of fun

LAMPTON: Yeah, Mr. I follow every single rule placed before me even if it might cost me a major, case-breaking tip

CONDOR: See, fun

_(PENHALL and MARISSA come out of the INTEROGATION ROOM)_

PENHALL: Where's Fuller?

LAMPTON: Probably went back to his office

_(PENHALL nods and exits)_

HANSON: Marissa, me and Officer Condor will be outside your house tonight, all right?

MARISSA: All right _(to LAMPTON)_ Can you give me a ride home?

LAMPTON:_ (Looks up at HANSON and CONDOR, both nod)_ All right

HANSON: _(Hands LAMPTON his keys)_ Take my car, Priss

LAMPTON:_ (to HANSON)_ Thanks, Tom_ (to MARISSA)_ Let's go

_(LAMPTON and MARISSA exit)_

CONDOR: Way to be the hero and all, but she was looking at me, man

HANSON: In your dreams, Condor. She hates you, remember

CONDOR: Well we were getting along real great in the car today

HANSON: Still doesn't change the fact that she hates you. You interrogated her!

CONDOR: Accidentally

HANSON: She was looking at me

CONDOR: No she wasn't. You just stepped in where you weren't wanted or needed. I could have given her my car

HANSON: But you didn't. I did. Ha!

CONDOR: Because I didn't have time to get my keys!

HANSON: Well then obviously she couldn't have been looking at you because she knew that I had my keys on hand and you did not

CONDOR: What is she a mind-reader or something

HANSON: Maybe

CONDOR: You know what, if we're gonna have to survive a night in a car together, I think it's best that we don't speak

HANSON: I second that notion

CONDOR: And when we're in the car, no talking!

HANSON: Again, I agree. You may have no sense of sight, but you do have a pretty good head on your shoulders when it's not being used to interrogation purposes

CONDOR: Fine

HANSON: Bye

_(HANSON and CONDOR exit)_

_THE NEXT DAY. JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. LAMPTON, HOFFS, IOKI, PENHALL, HANSON, and FULLER sit around the main room. CONDOR enters._

CONDOR: That's it, it's done

FULLER: The news is going to be all over this

CONDOR: I'll handle the news

LAMPTON: How's Marissa?

CONDOR: Still shaken up, but she did turn in her boyfriend and friend to the police so that's to be expected, but she'll be okay for trial

PENHALL: Nothing like a woman scorned to help solve a case

HOFFS: So that's it, then?

FULLER: I've recommended to the Mayor that they begin searching the entire school for drugs and begin a detox program there. None of the sports teams will be able to compete until all of their players have been cleared, and they stand the chance of losing their titles.

IOKI: It just takes one person to ruin the fun for everyone, huh?

FULLER: I think it's going to start getting better for that school

HOFFS: Even if Heather Jenkins misses her slot on the Olympic team

IOKI: That girl really got to you, huh?

HOFFS: Wanted to hit her on the head with her math book. And I don't think anyone but her water polo team would miss her.

LAMPTON: So that's it, then? This case is closed

FULLER: As far as we're concerned, Priss, it's closed

LAMPTON: It just doesn't feel like it

FULLER: The school has a long way to go, but they've taken a major step in the right direction

LAMPTON: I know, I just wish we could have more closure

FULLER: I know. All right, people, we've got to move on. Ioki, Hoffs, you two will be at Western High School and Hanson and Penhall I'm sending you two in at East High School. Come with me to my office and I'll get you guys the case folders, all right?

HOFFS, IOKI, HANSON, and PENHALL: All right, sure thing captain, okay, etc.

LAMPTON: Anything for me, boss?

FULLER: Just paper work

LAMPTON: Goody

_(FULLER, IOKI, PENHALL, and HOFFS exit)_

HANSON:_ (to LAMPTON)_ You did good, Priss. You really made this case.

LAMPTON: Thanks

_(HANSON and CONDOR exchange looks)_

HANSON: If you ever need to talk, you know you've got me, right?

LAMPTON: I know

HANSON: Okay

_(HANSON and CONDOR exchange looks)_

LAMPTON: Fuller's going to kill you if you don't get in there pretty quick

HANSON: Eh

LAMPTON: I'm fine, go

HANSON: All right

(HANSON exits. LAMPTON shakes her head and begins the paperwork)

CONDOR: What's with you two, anyways?

LAMPTON: What do you mean?

CONDOR: Are you guys dating?

LAMPTON: No

CONDOR: Oh

LAMPTON: Why?

CONDOR: Nothing, I just wanted to check

LAMPTON: All right

CONDOR: See you around, Priscilla Lampton

LAMPTON: You too, Condor

_(CONDOR exits)_

* * *

**_Please Review.  
Updates up ASAP._**


	5. 3: The Witch Hunt, part 1

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**21 JUMPSTREET**

**_The Witch Hunt_**

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_WESTERN HIGH SCHOOL. KIERA ROBERTS and POPPY MCADAMS are selling raffle tickets for the basketball team. The buzzer sounds and KIERA shuts the metal money box and locks it then hands it to POPPY. POPPY stands up and walks over to the MAIN OFFICE, opens door with key, puts the box in the office, walks out and locks the door behind her, returning to the game with KIERA._

POPPY: What'd I miss?

KIERA: Kipp Johnson scoring. It was great, he totally faked out the other guy then made this awesome lay-up.

POPPY: Is that supposed to surprise me?

KIERA: So, you lock up?

POPPY: Of course, the student body would have my head if we didn't. I mean how often is it that we get invited to the all-stars tournament?

KIERA: No kidding

_(POPPY and KIERA continue to watch the game. KIPP JOHNSON scores another basket.)_

KIERA: And with Kipp on the team, we're sure to go to states

POPPY: Which is why we need to raise more money then they asked for

KIERA: Because I don't want to do that for every single day of my life _(Pause) _Unless the basketball team takes me with them to California

POPPY: Shameless

_(MARK ANDERSON (teacher) runs into the GYM and whispers something in COACH LEE'S ear. POPPY points it out to KIERA)_

POPPY: What's going on there?

KIERA: I don't know. Maybe they're deciding their meeting place for tonight

POPPY: No, seriously, something's up

_(COACH LEE motions to REF, REF stops the game. MARK ANDERSON walks out on to COURT. STUDENTS react.)_

MARK ANDERSON: Attention, students! There has been a robbery. Someone has broken into the office and stolen the money raised to take our team to the all-star tournament in California

_(STUDENTS react)_

MARK ANDERSON: If the person could please return the money by the end of the game we will not press criminal charges. We just want the money back.

_OPENING CREDITS._

_JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. LAMPTON, HOFFS, IOKI, and "BLOWFISH" are playing cards around the conference table. PENHALL and HANSON are talking by the coffee maker_.

HANSON: Come on, please?

PENHALL: No man, get off my case

HANSON: Just this once! I'll let you drive my car. I know you want to drive my car.

PENHALL: Yeah but

HANSON: But nothing, you owe me a favor anyways!

PENHALL: Slow down there Godfather, since when do I owe you a favor?

HANSON: Remember Cindy?

PENHALL: _(Thinks about it)_ Okay, well, name one other time

HANSON: Dora, Sarah, Natalie, Martha, and then there was the camping trip last spring, and how could you forget the Carrie fiasco—

PENHALL: I said name one!

HANSON: I have more if you're interested

PENHALL: All right! All right! I'll do it! I'll do it!

HANSON: Thank-you

PENHALL: But some day, and that day may never come, I may call on you—

HANSON: Shut up, you're the one that owes me_ (Walks towards HOFFS, IOKI, "BLOWFISH", and LAMPTON)_

PENHALL: But I still get to drive your car once, right?

HANSON: _(to HOFFS, IOKI, LAMPTON, and "BLOWFISH") _What are we playing?

LAMPTON: Euchre

HANSON: Can I join in next hand?

LAMPTON: You've never played Euchre, huh?

HANSON: How can you tell?

LAMPTON: Psychic abilities. It's how I'm gonna solve cases now. Save a lot of time and a lot of rather questionable cafeteria food

HANSON: Eh?

HOFFS: It's a four-person game, Hanson

HANSON: Oh

_(FULLER enters)_

FULLER: _(As he passes) _Yo! Lampton and Hoffs!

_(FULLER enters his OFFICE)_

LAMPTON: Is it just me, or is he getting a whole lot less personable?

PENHALL: Well this isn't Disney World

HANSON: Perhaps if you put on a Mickey Mouse outfit, Douglas

IOKI: And Hoffs would need a Minnie Mouse one to match

FULLER: _(OC, from OFFICE) _Hoffs! Lampton! You get lost?

HOFFS: _(Waves PENHALL over) _You know how to play?

PENHALL: Class champ of '82

HOFFS: Play for me _(Hands cards to PENHALL and stands up)_

LAMPTON: No fair!

HOFFS: Why?

LAMPTON: Because then we get this guy _(motions to HANSON)_!

HANSON: Can you feel the love?

LAMPTON: _(Sighs and hands over her cards to HANSON) _Just play for me. And don't lose.

HANSON: Wouldn't even know how to

_(LAMPTON stands up and follows HOFFS to FULLER'S OFFICE)_

_FULLER'S OFFICE. HOFFS and LAMPTON are sitting in chairs across from FULLER'S desk. FULLER sits behind his desk and hands the case folders to HOFFS and LAMPTON. _

HOFFS: _(Reading folder) _Robbery?

LAMPTON: _(Reading folder) _You serious, Captain?

FULLER: The money that was stolen was for an underprivileged school basketball team to attend the all-star tournament in California over winter break.

LAMPTON: Well that stinks, but can't regular cops handle this just fine?

FULLER: They've been working on it for the past two weeks and have come up with nothing. Nobody saw anything, knows anything, and are all very upset that the money is gone

HOFFS: All?

FULLER: From what they told the cops

LAMPTON: Special

HOFFS: What's our cover?

FULLER: Judy, I want you to join up with the cheerleaders. They're the ones raising the money. The two responsible on the night the money was stolen where _(pauses and looks through his copy of the case folder for the names) _Kiera Roberts and Poppy McAdams.

HOFFS: Sure thing, Captain

FULLER: And Priss, I want you joining up with the punks of the school

LAMPTON: Punks?

FULLER: Punks. You're pink hair is perfect for it.

LAMPTON: And you thought it could be a bad thing

FULLER: Now you two will need to stay completely separated this time around, all right? Unless the situation is life threatening to you, a student, or any other person somehow related to the investigation stay separated.

HOFFS: Gotcha, Captain

LAMPTON: Aye, aye

_THE NEXT DAY. WESTERN HIGH SCHOOL. FULLER pulls up in his car and drops HOFFS off in front of the school_.

HOFFS: Bye dad, thanks for the ride!

FULLER: Sure thing, sweetie! Want me to pick you up after school?

HOFFS: Maybe, I'll give you a call if something comes up

FULLER: Okay, have a good day

HOFFS: Dad

FULLER: Fine, I'm leaving

HOFFS: Bye _(Shuts door and walks into school)_

_(LAMPTON walks up to the school dressed to the nines as a punk rocker, listening to music and chewing gum. HOFFS and LAMPTON briefly exchange looks before both enter the school)_

_LATER. WESTERN HIGH SCHOOL. MARK ANDERSON'S CLASSROOM. HOFFS walks into the classroom as the bell sounds. _

MARK ANDERSON: Ah, you must be one of our new students

HOFFS: Hi, Mr. Anderson, I'm Judy Henderson

MARK ANDERSON: Well, Judy, welcome to Western and to my Spanish class. You can have a seat anywhere you'd like, we're rather informal here, and if you need any help catching up just ask, we do offer a tutoring service here at Western

HOFFS: Thank-you _(Takes a seat next to POPPY)_

POPPY: So, you're the new girl

HOFFS: It would seem that way

POPPY: I'm Poppy McAdams

HOFFS: Judy

POPPY: Henderson, I overheard

HOFFS: Oh

POPPY: So what brings you to the poorest school in the county?

HOFFS: Poverty

POPPY: You'll fit right in

MARK ANDERSON: All right, class, for this first few moments you will witness a rare sight: me speaking in English. Now, if you would open your textbooks to page twenty-seven. Poppy, if you could share with Judy

POPPY: Sí, Señor Anderson

MARK ANDERSON: Now, irregular verbs, the terror of every single high school student. Now, while you may think that I want you to memorize them just to destroy your lives, really it's something you have to do in order to pass this class. So, without further ado, I warn you that someday in the near future, say Friday, we are going to have a little test over them

_(CLASS groans)_

MARK ANDERSON: Yes, yes, I know, I'm so mean, so on and so forth. Get over it.

_SAME TIME. LAMPTON walks into MAIN OFFICE. SECRETARY (HOLLY YORK) sits behind the desk. _

HOLLY YORK: Hello there. Can I help you with something, sweetie?

LAMPTON: Yeah

HOLLY YORK: And what would that be, sweetie?

LAMPTON: I'm new

HOLLY YORK: Oh, they told we that we were expecting two new students today!

LAMPTON: Goody for you

HOLLY YORK: You must be Priscilla Landon, because the other girl arrived earlier this morning. Did they not tell you we start at eight? Because we do. And it's almost eight twenty.

LAMPTON: Yeah, sorry, I got lost

HOLLY YORK: Well, that's okay, it is your first day and all!

LAMPTON: Yep

HOLLY YORK: _(Hands LAMPTON schedule and school map) _Here you go, Priscilla, it's your schedule and school map. I can get you a copy of the school song if your interested, but I've found that most new students just throw it away later, so I figured I'd save a few trees and just give it to the students that really want the school song instead of every single student that walks though that door.

LAMPTON: Makes sense

HOLLY YORK: Would you like a copy of the school song?

LAMPTON: I think I'll pick it up on the street

HOLLY YORK: All right then, Priscilla, you can head to your first class with Mr. Smitt, he's an excellent English teacher. I hope you like things here at Western High School!

LAMPTON: Thanks

_(LAMPTON exits)_

HOLLY YORK: What a lovely girl

_LUNCH TIME. WESTERN HIGH SCHOOL LUNCHROOM. HOFFS and POPPY walk with their trays to a large table filled with people, laughing. _

POPPY: Everyone, I would like you to meet our recent transplant all the way from shitsville, North Dakota, Judy Henderson!

HOFFS: Town not really called shitsville, but I'm sure if the town came together on it, nobody would have any objections

_(HOFFS and POPPY sit down)_

POPPY: Judy here was her school's head cheerleader

HOFFS: What she's not telling you was that on my squad was a paraplegic and a three-hundred pound guy who wouldn't admit to being gay but we all knew from his squeals of 'oh my god' when the new Vogue made it to our town three months after initial release

KIPP: Well, of course, it would take that long for the horse and buggy to get there

HOFFS: You have no idea how much truth you are speaking. It's so great to finally be in a city.

KIERA: What brought you here, anyways, Judy?

HOFFS: My dad's company transferred him back. I used to live here, or so I'm told, I mean I was practically a baby when we moved out to the middle of nowhere.

POPPY: Oh, don't look now, we have a new punk rocker _(motions towards LAMPTON)_

HOFFS: God, what is with those guys?

KIPP: I think it has to do with the piercings

KIERA: Or the tats

GUY #1: What's with the body slam dancing, anyways? Are they trying to kill each other?

HOFFS: I think they're fans of Darwin

POPPY: Survival of the fittest?

KIERA: They root out the weak to ensure survival of their kind

_(LAMPTON sits at her own table alone)_

POPPY: Oh, look, how sad. They've rejecting her. The rejects reject.

KIERA: I don't think I've ever seen anything quite so sad

KIPP: Maybe we should ask her to join us?

(EVERYONE laughs)

POPPY: That was classic, Kipp

KIPP: No, really. She could give us a good lead about the money. I'm sure one of them took it. They're the only ones that would do something like that

HOFFS: Money?

KIERA: Yeah, some creep took all the money that we raised for our basketball team to go to the all-stars tournament over winter break

KIPP: Yeah, it's not the first time we've been invited, but it's the first time we've actually raised enough money for us to go

HOFFS: Gosh, that sucks

POPPY: Gosh?

KIERA: Sweetie, you've been out in the middle of nowhere for too long. Nobody says gosh anymore.

HOFFS: And to think I was considered a forward-thinker back home

_(JACK NOSH approaches LAMPTON, and brings her to a table of punk rockers just a few tables over)_

GUY #1: And there's Jack Nosh

HOFFS: You know him?

KIPP: He used to be on the basketball team, before his mom died, then he started _(makes smoking motion) _and hanging with those guys, so on and so forth, and now, two years later, there he is.

HOFFS: Oh

KIERA: Yeah, a real sob story

POPPY: He pretends not to even notice us anymore. It's not like we did anything.

HOFFS: Yeah

_A FEW DAYS LATER, EARLY MORNING. JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. HOFFS is sitting behind her desk writing things in a notebook. IOKI, HANSON, PENHALL, and "BLOWFISH" are playing darts. LAMPTON enters and sits down at her desk, opening her copy of the case folder._

LAMPTON: _(Bangs head down on the desk)_ This is pointless. Absolutely pointless. It's a moot point.

HANSON: A moot point?

LAMPTON: A moot point

HOFFS: _(to HANSON)_ She means it's pointless

IOKI: _(to HANSON)_ Absolutely pointless

PENHALL: _(to HOFFS, HANSON, and IOKI as he's trying to throw his dart)_ Are you two trying to distract me? Can't you see the master is at work here!

HANSON: No, this would be distracting you _(blows air in his face)_

PENHALL: _(Gives HANSON a look_) Thanks for the clarification

HANSON: _(Smiles)_ Anytime

IOKI: Now would the dart master take his shot?

"BLOWFISH": Or would the dart master like to do a quick little song and dance for good luck first? We apparently have time.

_(FULLER enters)_

FULLER: _(to HOFFS and LAMPTON)_ Why haven't you two filed a report yet!

HOFFS: Well I've just got gossip, so no actual report unless you want me to site Lampton's entire crowd as the perpetratorsm, including Lampton

FULLER: _(Sighs)_ Lampton?

LAMPTON: _(Raises head)_ Yo

FULLER: What's your excuse?

LAMPTON: The report hasn't changed

FULLER: From what? You've never filed a report.

LAMPTON: From the stuff you gave me originally

FULLER: The background information?

LAMPTON: They're not breaking ranks

HOFFS: They're a tuff crowd, Captain. I wouldn't expect them to divulge anything quite so quickly to her. I, however, am surrounded by gossips, therefore giving me abundance of information which is most likely a load of crap

FULLER: Well root through the crap, find out what's true

HOFFS: I'm on my way there, Captain

FULLER: You do realize that you two have been in there for almost a week now, right?

HOFFS: I know, Captain

FULLER: _(Looks annoyed)_ Are you trying to solve his case, guys?

LAMPTON: Dark circles tell no lies, Captain

FULLER: Funny, I always that it was dead men tell no lies

PENHALL: Actually that was dead men tell no tales, if you're trying to be specific, Coach

_(FULLER gives PENHALL a look)_

PENHALL: Right, not talking to me

FULLER: _(to LAMPTON and HOFFS) _Just solve the case in a reasonable amount of time. I don't want to see you two graduate from Western High School

LAMPTON: An admirable goal to set, Captain. We'll try our best.

_(FULLER gives LAMPTON a look)_

LAMPTON: Or maybe something more along the lines of yes, Captain?

FULLER: It's a start _(Moves back towards office)_

LAMPTON: Oh Captain, my Captain?

_(FULLER'S door slams shut)_

LAMPTON: Or not

HOFFS: It was a good effort

LAMPTON: I was gunning for another distraction, apparently he's caught on

HOFFS: I guess now we just have to solve this case

HANSON: _(to PENHALL) _So you aren't going to back out on me, right, Doug?

PENHALL: _(to HANSON)_ Would you stop it already? Or else I really am going to stand you up and you're going to have to face her alone.

HANSON: _(to PENHALL)_ True friends would never leave their friends alone with their mothers

PENHALL:_ (to HANSON)_ Well you might want to start re-evaluating our friendship, Tommy, if this is the way you're going to act.

HOFFS: _(to HANSON and PENHALL)_ What, you two going on a date tonight?

PENHALL: Why Jude, I'm hurt. You think I would cheat on you with Hanson?

HANSON: _(Slightly offended)_ Hey!

HOFFS: What, jealous, Hanson?

HANSON: No

PENHALL: I've got to come with Tommy here to visit his mother tonight. Apparently he's scared to go alone.

HANSON: Hey! I never said scared

PENHALL: You just danced around it

HANSON: But I never said it

IOKI: What's the big deal about visiting your mom?

HANSON: I don't know, she just called up out of the blue and wanted to have dinner with me and to invite some of my friends

HOFFS: Friends as in plural?

HANSON: Yeah, so?

HOFFS: And you're just bringing Penhall?

HANSON: I was trying to save you

PENHALL: _(Slightly offended)_ Hey!

HANSON: Oh, you would pick Judy over me

PENHALL: But still, that hurts

HANSON: But if anyone else wants to go, you're more then welcome

IOKI: Depends, is it in a restaurant or at your mom's house

HANSON: Mom's house

IOKI and HOFFS: I'm in

PENHALL: You guys are cheap

IOKI: No, poor city employees is a more appropriate term

LAMPTON: What time is it at?

HANSON: Six

LAMPTON: Could I bring Emma?

HOFFS: _(smiles)_ She might bring a cuteness factor that would act as a shield against your mother

PENHALL: Oh you just want her there for yourself

HOFFS: I'm only thinking of Hanson

HANSON: Really? A cuteness shield?

HOFFS: Yeah, Emma's at the cute age where no matter what she does or say's, people write it off as little kid cuteness. It's a proven fact.

HANSON: _(to LAMPTON)_ Please do

LAMPTON: I'm glad you finally found a use for my kid

HANSON: Don't think of it as me using her, think of it as Emma helping out a friend in need.

LAMPTON: _(Shakes head)_ Whatever, we'll be there.

_WESTERN HIGH SCHOOL. LAMPTON sits outside the school with JACK, RACHEL, and JOHNNY. JACK, RACHEL, and JOHNNY are all drinking and smoking cigarettes, while LAMPTON just smokes._

JACK: You sure you don't want anything to drink, Priss? It's on my parents.

LAMPTON: Can't

RACHEL: _(Laughing)_ What are you, some kind of narc? I've heard cops can't drink of the job.

LAMPTON: Nah, I'm a raging alcoholic and on the road to recovery

JOHNNY: Really, what step are you on?

LAMPTON: Whatda mean step? I've just gotten to the point of admitting the problem and will get around to the whole twelve-step thing when I'm good and ready

JACK: _(Raises his bottle)_ I could drink to that

RACHEL: So, Priscilla Landon, what the hell kind of name is that? Priscilla.

LAMPTON: Parents practical joke on me

JOHNNY: If I ever had a kid, I give them the middle name 'danger'. I mean, it's completely legal to have fun with your kids middle name, it's not like they actually go by their middle name. And then how cool would it be to say, 'my middle name is danger' and actually mean it. You see, I figure that I'm giving this kid a step up in the dating game

JACK: Very true, my friend. However, you have to consider the fact that your kid just might end up like you

JOHNNY: And what would be bad, why?

JACK: Well, even with a cool middle name like 'danger', he'd still freeze up around girls and start talking about important events in history, such as the rein of Mary Queen of Scots, AKA 'Bloody Mary' then theorizing on whether or not this was where they got the name for the drink

RACHEL: Oh yea, that's how he hit on me!

LAMPTON: Really, I feel left out. _(to JOHNNY)_ So, Johnny, what did you think about the Watergate Scandal? What was on that tape that Nixon had to erase? You see, I think it was him preparing to enter Star Search and he was just too embarrassed about it to actually hand it over to the Supreme Court.

JOHNNY: Shut up, you're an alcoholic

LAMPTON: Oh, fightin' words

RACHEL: I think you might have lost your chance to be hit on by the legendary Johnny Karas, King of the pick-up lines

LAMPTON: _(looks down at watch)_ Oh, shit, is that what time it is?

JACK: What?

LAMPTON: I gotta go do somethin'

JACK: Blow it off

LAMPTON: Can't

RACHEL: All right, see you around, babe _(kisses LAMPTON'S cheek)_ And make sure you give me a call tonight, all right? You're the only one who gets what's going on in any class. I could use more smart friends.

LAMPTON: Sure thing, babe

JACK: Kiss for me?

JOHNNY: You can't just kiss him and her and not kiss me. That's alienation, and I'm already enough of an outcast.

LAMPTON: Why not? I'm feeling friendly. _(Kisses JACK and JOHNNY'S cheeks)_ See you around, guys. Try not to get too wasted!

_(LAMPTON exits)_

_DAY CARE CENTER. LAMPTON runs into the building still dressed as a punk, and receiving stares from other parents as she rushes into EMMA'S room._

LAMPTON: _(Kisses EMMA'S head) _Hey, kiddo, sorry I'm a little late today. Mommy's on a new assignment.

EMMA: That's okay. I wasn't finished coloring anyways. _(Holds up picture of LAMPTON and EMMA)_

LAMPTON: _(Gasps)_ Is that me and you! By golly, by gosh! You are like a miniature Van Gogh! I should tell the papers about you, they'd be all over this.

EMMA: Mom

LAMPTON: You're right, I'm sorry

_(JESSIE GELLER approaches)_

JESSIE GELLER: Emma?

_(LAMPTON looks up)_

JESSIE GELLER: Oh my god, Priss! I didn't even recognize you! Thank god. I thought you were some punk kid or something

LAMPTON: Well that's what I was going for. Sorry, Jessie, I'm on a case and I didn't have time to change, but thanks for looking out for my kid.

EMMA: Doesn't mom look funny?

JESSIE GELLER: Well she certainly looks different

LAMPTON: Thanks again, Jessie, we'll be heading out now. I promise tomorrow I'll be on time. Early even!

JESSIE GELLER: It's all right, Priss. You're never that late.

LAMPTON: Do you get overtime?

JESSIE GELLER: Oh yea

LAMPTON: I'll try to be late more often

JESSIE GELLER: I wouldn't complain. Besides, Emma's a sweetheart.

LAMPTON: She takes after her mother, don't you kiddo?

EMMA: No, I'm my own person

LAMPTON: Rats, I've taught you too well!

JESSIE GELLER: All right, I'll see you tomorrow, Emma?

EMMA: Uh-huh, Jessie

LAMPTON: And I'll try my best to be on time _(winks)_

JESSIE GELLER: I'm sure you will _(winks)_

LAMPTON: All right, let's go show you off to Mrs. Hanson!

EMMA: We're getting a new dress, right?

LAMPTON: Of course, and we're bringing Aunt Phoebe because, apparently, she has a better sense of fashion then your own mother

EMMA: Duh, you dress silly all time. Aunt Phoebe is always dressed up for something.

_LATER THAT NIGHT. HANSON'S MOTHER'S (JOAN HANSON) HOUSE. HANSON, JOAN HANSON, PENHALL, HOFFS, and IOKI all sit around the living room._

PENHALL: Then Tommy here ran after the guy in full drag

HOFFS: But of course he took the wig off

PENHALL: Of course

JOAN HANSON: _(laughing)_ Did you at least catch the guy?

HANSON: Of course I did, whatcha expect for him to get away after all of that!

IOKI: I have pictures, if your interested, Mrs. Hanson

JOAN HANSON: Oh, call me Joan! Expect for Tom who really should call me mom, we're not that bohemian. And I would love some of those pictures, Harry.

HOFFS: They'll make a nice Christmas card, Joan

HANSON: Oh aren't you three a hoot?

JOAN HANSON:_ (looks around)_ Tom, didn't you tell me there were supposed to be two other people here for dinner tonight?

HOFFS: Lampton's still on that case, she's probably just running a little late

HANSON: How many hours has she put in for this case?

HOFFS: Much more then I have. Those kids really like to party and she's gotta be right there with them. For once I'm glad to be with the popular, gossipy kids.

JOAN HANSON: Oh, are you working on a case with the new officer, Judy? Tom's told me all about her, Priss, right? Priss Lampton?

PENHALL: Huh, he talks about her a lot, Joan?

JOAN HANSON: Practically non-stop for one week

PENHALL: You don't say

HANSON: We were working a case together, remember? She was practically the only person that I saw for that week of course my stories would be about her!

JOAN HANSON: Well, anyways, Judy, honey, what exactly are you investigating this time around? Drug dealers? A cheating ring? Underage drinking parties?

HOFFS: No, no, we're just investigating a robbery at a local high school

JOAN HANSON: Oh, I've heard about that on the news! Western High School right. Poor boys on the basketball team. I can't believe somebody would do that to them.

IOKI: Yeah, well, kids do a lot of stuff to each other

HOFFS: Although, generally speaking, it doesn't involve drag

JOAN HANSON: Oh yes! I would really like to see pictures. You know, I do have pictures of when Tommy was a boy of him wearing

HANSON: Mom!

_(Doorbell)_

HANSON: _(Stands up)_ That's hopefully her, let us go out and meet her!

HOFFS: Shameless

HANSON: Let me share a story like that with your parents, who already have so much ammunition it's sickening.

HOFFS: Let's go faster!

_(HOFFS and HANSON go to answer the exit)_

_FRONT HALL WAY. HANSON opens the door, LAMPTON and EMMA are standing together outside. LAMPTON and EMMA enter house, HANSON closes the door_.

LAMPTON: Sorry we're late, Johnny called Jack, who called Rachel, who then called me about this party tonight, so I had to make an appearance, then get an emergency phone call from my friend from my old school about another friend who was going into labor, so I had to rush to the hospital right away.

HANSON: Let me guess, _(points at EMMA)_ friend

LAMPTON: It was like bring your daughter to work day, without actually bringing her

HANSON: _(Smiles)_ Here, I'll take your guys' coats

_(LAMPTON takes off her coat and gives it to HANSON, then helps EMMA off with her coat and hands it to HANSON, HANSON hangs coats in closet)_

HOFFS: _(to EMMA)_ Well hey there Emma, you look pretty tonight! Did your mom buy you a new dress?

EMMA: You really like my dress Judy? _(twirls)_

HOFFS: Uh-huh! It's so pretty! You look like a little princess.

JOAN HANSON: _(OC, living room)_ Tom?

HANSON:_ (to LAMPTON)_ Way to turn up the charm

LAMPTON: _(Pats EMMA'S head)_ Nah, she is this cute naturally. Aren't ya, babe?

EMMA: Course _(giggles)_

_(HANSON, LAMPTON, EMMA, and HOFFS exit to living room)_

_LIVING ROOM. JOAN HANSON, IOKI, and PENHALL all sit around the living room as HOFFS, HANSON, LAMPTON, and EMMA enter_.

JOAN HANSON: There you are, so who's our _(stops, noticing EMMA)_ Oh, never mind. I didn't know we had a little one coming, what's your name, sweetie?

EMMA: Emma

JOAN HANSON: And how old are you?

EMMA: I'm seven

LAMPTON: Just turned

EMMA: _(Annoyed) _Mom

LAMPTON: _(Smiling)_ But a very wise early seven. In fact, she was practically at seven by six and a half.

JOAN HANSON: Oh, she's your daughter?

LAMPTON: Yep, my pride and joy

JOAN HANSON: And you still find time for your job? Wow, you are my new hero, Priss

LAMPTON: Well thank you, Mrs. Hanson. I try my best. Although the team of twenty four nurses I have around me at all times certainly helps out a lot. Really, it's like she's never there.

JOAN HANSON: _(laughs)_ Well, Tommy didn't tell me how funny you are! And please, dear, call me Joan. Being called Mrs. Hanson by adults makes me feel old.

LAMPTON: All right, Joan

PENHALL: Did you like all the presents you got for your birthday, Emma?

EMMA: _(Nods)_ Mom didn't even have to return any of them this time, either!

_(HANSON gives LAMPTON a look)_

LAMPTON: _(Whispering to HANSON)_ Somebody got confused last time around, I'll tell you about it later

PENHALL: _(Awkwardly)_ Well, that's good then

HOFFS: So, Priss, have they finally broken ranks yet?

LAMPTON: No, and I don't think they ever will. Captain Fuller might want to start making graduation party plans, because I've never had one before, so we'll have to make this one a real blow out

HANSON: Just hang in there, they just have to accept you first

LAMPTON: I know, I just don't want to keep hanging out with them. I mean they're completely throwing away their lives and they don't even care. (Pause) Emma, promise me that when you're a teenager you'll do whatever I tell you to do, okay?

EMMA: Okay

LAMPTON: In fact, how about home schooling?

EMMA: No! You're being silly again, mom.

LAMPTON: Now where on earth did you get that idea? You're mother's never silly. In fact, your mother is known for her seriousness. People talk about it all over the world, saying 'I wish I could be just like Priss Lampton'

EMMA: No they don't

LAMPTON: Uh-huh, yes they do. And you know what?

EMMA: What?

LAMPTON: They can't be like me because you are the only one that's ever gonna get to share my gene pool, all right?

EMMA: Okay

LAMPTON: All right

HOFFS: _(to PENHALL) _I want one

PENHALL: Well, Jude, I don't know how to tell you this, but you need a boyfriend or a husband for that. And I am neither.

JOAN HANSON: I must warn you, Judy, not all kids are like Emma. If you heard some of the stories from when Tommy was a baby, that might change your mind about kids

HANSON: Mom

JOAN HANSON: What? I'm just trying to tell Judy about kids so that if she and Doug would like to have one in the future

_(HOFFS and PENHALL move apart)_

HANSON: Mom

PENHALL: Oh, I think you've got the wrong impression about me and Judy. We're not, y'know, together

JOAN HANSON: I know, it's just the way that Tom talks about you two, I kinda figure that you might get together one day

HANSON: Dinner? Anybody hungry?

EMMA: I am!

HANSON: Well we can't starve the kid, can we? Let's go eat!

LAMPTON: Why, Thomas, don't you want to spend more time here with your mother? I know it's been awhile since you two were together

HANSON: Yeah, you're right, Priss. And you know what, maybe we could have dinner with your family next week!

LAMPTON: I'd retort but there are young ears present, and I'm supposed to be a role model to some extent.

HANSON:_ (Smirks)_ The pink hair helps that defense

EMMA: I like the pink. I wish I could dye my hair pink.

HANSON: _(Chuckling)_ See?

LAMPTON: Maybe when you're older, babe.

EMMA: Like when I'm ten?

LAMPTON: Add another ten to that number

EMMA: _(Counting on fingers)_ When I'm twenty! That's a long ways away!

LAMPTON: Oh, but that way you'll have plenty of time to pick out just the right color for your skin complexion, kiddo.

EMMA: Oh

HANSON: You're going to ruin that kid with that sense of humor of yours

JOAN HANSON: You mean you just didn't dye your hair pink for the case?

LAMPTON: Uh, no, no I've had pink hair for a little while now. Teaching Emma her colors, y'know. She, ah, had some problem with the color pink, so I thought what better way to help her out then for her to be around the color all the time

_(HANSON gives her a confused look, LAMPTON motions him off)_

JOAN HANSON: Oh really? That's a _(pause)_ creative approach. _(Pause)_ So, I think we've talked enough, why don't we move into the dining room for some dinner?

_(EVERYONE stands up and begins moving towards DINNING ROOM. LAMPTON and HANSON lag behind.)_

IOKI: Thank-you again, Joan for having us over for dinner

JOAN HANSON: Oh, it's no problem, Harry

JOAN HANSON: _(to EMMA)_ Do you like hot dogs, sweetie?

EMMA: _(nodding)(looks at LAMPTON)_ That would be very nice, thank-you, Mrs. Hanson _(LAMPTON winks and gives EMMA a thumbs up) (EMMA smiles and giggles)_

HOFFS: Here, sweetie, we'll go and get that hot dog for you. And Doug will help because he makes the world's best hot dogs.

PENHALL: Just give me some grilling space, and I'll make a masterpiece.

IOKI: He's the grill-master

EMMA: Really? Cause I've had a lot of really good hot dogs before

PENHALL: This one will top all of them

HOFFS: It'll knock your socks off!

EMMA: _(giggles)_ I'm not wearing any socks

_(EMMA, HOFFS, PENHALL, IOKI, FULLER, JOAN HANSON head into the dining room)_

HANSON:_ (Amused)_ Teaching Emma her colors?

LAMPTON: _(Shrugs)_ It sounded better and more responsible then the truth

HANSON: I can't believe you lied to my mother

LAMPTON: It wasn't a total lie, Emma was learning her colors at the time, and she was having a hard time remembering pink, I just eluded that it was the reason for the hair change

HANSON: Why that's just sneaky

LAMPTON: Penhall might have given me some pointers

HANSON: Penhall?

LAMPTON: Yep, I'm his number one girl on the side

HANSON: Lampton al la Carte

LAMPTON: It sounds dirty when you say it like that

_(HANSON and LAMPTON walk into the dinning room, laughing)_

_THE NEXT DAY. WESTERN HIGH SCHOOL GYM. HOFFS, POPPY, and KIERA join the CHEERLEADING PRACTICE while TROY is playing basketball. LAMPTON and RACHEL are sitting on the bleachers making catcalls and eating popcorn._

_(BLEACHERS)_

RACHEL: You see, babe, there's always something to do for fun at this school

_(CHEERLEADING pyramid fails)_

LAMPTON: And there goes another one! Boo! _(Throws popcorn)_

RACHEL: _(Throws popcorn)_ Boo!

LAMPTON: You're right, this is so much more fun then making fun of our cheerleading squad. They actually care, I think that one over there is gonna cry

RACHEL: She always cries. The record is fifteen minutes into practice.

LAMPTON: Fifteen? I think we can break that.

RACHEL: Easy

_(CHEERLEADERS)_

HOFFS: _(About LAMPTON and RACHEL)_ Can't we kick them out or something?

KIERA: Nope, according to the school they have as much right to be here as us

HOFFS: But they're heckling

POPPY: They always throw me off

KIERA: You know the rules, as long as they don't cause us bodily harm, they can stay

HOFFS: That's crap, I can't believe they'd do that

POPPY: You might want to get used to it, sweetheart, it's Western High School

KIERA: Oh god, now they're lighting up!

_(BLEACHERS)_

LAMPTON: So what's with this whole us against them thing in this school?

RACHEL: Whatda mean?

LAMPTON: Well I've been blamed for taking money at least five times this past week, and I don't even know what the hell they're talking about

RACHEL: Oh, that

LAMPTON: What? Are we running some gym locker room scam that I'm currently unaware of?

RACHEL: No, some idiots took the basketball team's money and now they've decided to blame it on us, even though none of us did it. Hell we weren't even there! God, how's that for innocent until proven guilty.

LAMPTON: No shit

_(CHEERLEADERS)_

POPPY: I bet they're planning their next big robbery

KIERA: Probably casing the place

HOFFS: They pull this kind of stuff a lot

POPPY: Like you wouldn't believe. Except the annoying part is that the school can never pin anything on them

HOFFS: Why?

KIERA: Everybody is each other's alibi

HOFFS: Convenient

POPPY: No kidding

KIERA: And it completely screws us over

HOFFS: I'd bet

_LATER. JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. HOFFS and LAMPTON are sitting at the conference table going over case files. HANSON and PENHALL are sitting at their desks filling out paperwork._

HOFFS: Poppy and Kiera are convinced that you guys took the money

LAMPTON: First of all you're getting your information from girls named Poppy and Kiera. Second of all, since I've been at Western, I've been blamed for the theft even though we weren't at the school until two weeks after the fact.

HOFFS: You guys all look alike to them

LAMPTON: Well nobody in my group did it either. They're not lying about their alibis, they just happen to be together a lot, like a family unit.

HOFFS: Well then who did it?

LAMPTON: I think that's the very question we've been pondering this past week

HOFFS: _(Angrily)_ You know what I mean

LAMPTON:_ (Angrily)_ I know, and I'm saying that we've got nothing

HOFFS: _(Angrily)_ I know

LAMPTON: Then why are we fighting?

HOFFS: I don't know

LAMPTON: Truce?

HOFFS: Truce

_(HOFFS and LAMPTON shake hands)_

PENHALL: That had to be the quickest argument I've ever seen

HANSON: They were arguing?

PENHALL: Apparently

HOFFS: We can hear you, you know that, right?

HANSON: Yeah, yeah

LAMPTON: Look, let's start asking around some more, all right? Maybe it was one of the teachers. Who was the person that found the money gone again?

HOFFS: Mark Anderson, Spanish teacher

LAMPTON: Let's start with him then

HOFFS: I'll join Spanish Club

LAMPTON: And I'll sneak around

HOFFS: Deal

LAMPTON: _(Looks at watch)_ Look, I gotta go, I promised that I would try to be on time more often so that when I'm late on purpose, it won't look so suspicious

HANSON: Why would you be late on purpose?

LAMPTON:_ (Stands up and gathers her things)_ The woman that runs the day care gets paid over time and we have an understanding

HANSON: Makes sense

LAMPTON: Bye

HOFFS: Say hello to Emma for us!

LAMPTON: Sure thing

_(LAMPTON exits)_

PENHALL: So, Hanson, what do you think of our new gal?

HANSON:_ (Blinks)_ She's got nice hair?

HOFFS:_ (Smiles)_ No, I mean, what you do really think of her?

PENHALL: I think he likes her likes her

HOFFS: Maybe he should invite her to the Harvest Dance

PENHALL: Although, and you have to keep this on the down low, Poppy, told Ioki, told Fuller through a game of telephone, who then accidentally told me that Jack wants to ask Lampton to the Harvest Dance

HOFFS: Well I heard that he wanted to ask her to get a tattoo with him. Probably of the matching genre.

_(PENHALL and HOFF mock gasp)_

PENHALL:_ (to HANSON)_ You better move quick, Tommy, Lampton's hot property

HOFFS: In a non-piggish meaning of the phrase

PENHALL: _(Coughs)_ Of course, non-piggish. Women are people, not objects. Never meant it in a negative way, Jude. I mean, well, you look drop dead gorgeous today, Jude. Anyone told you that yet? Cause they should. In fact you always look great, every day. Even when you're in your sweats! Or when you dressed as a complete geek! Still stunning.

HANSON: Like a shovel?

PENHALL: Shut up, you love Lampton

HANSON: Do not

PENHALL: Do too

HANSON:_ (Stands up)_ Do not

PENHALL: _(Stands up)_ Do too

HANSON: Do not

PENHALL: Do you want to take this outside?

HANSON: Do not infinity! Ha! I win.

PENHALL: That doesn't count. Oh and, do too.

HANSON: What's the basis of our argument? Do not.

PENHALL: Last night proved to be a pretty good example. Do too.

HOFFS: And I heard about your first case together and the food fight. Do too.

PENHALL: _(Smiles at HOFFS)_ That's my girl_ (Gives HOFFS a high five)_. And let's not forget the bowling nights. Do too.

HANSON: _(to PENHALL)_ Do not. _(to HOFFS)_ Do not. And so what? We went bowling together. I happen to like bowling. Do not.

HOFFS: Oh just admit it and get it over with, Hanson! Then you can take her out on a date, and end all of this shameless flirting you two do around the office. Do too.

HANSON: Shameless flirting? Look who I'm talking to! Do not.

PENHALL: Hey! Our thing is different. It's our thing. It works for us. Do not try and change the subject, Mister. Do too.

FULLER: _(OS, from office) (Shouting)_ Do I have to come out there and separate the three of you?

HANSON, HOFFS, and PENHALL: Sorry captain _(They sit back down)_

PENHALL:_ (Whispering)_ Do too

HANSON: _(Whispering)_ Do not

PENHALL: _(Whispering)_ Do too

HANSON: _(Whispering)_ Do not!

_THE NEXT DAY. RACHEL'S HOUSE. LAMPTON, RACHEL, JOHNNY, and JACK are sitting around RACHEL'S backyard porch drinking beers (except LAMPTON) and smoking cigarettes._

JOHNNY: God, if they try and blame one more thing on us, I think I'm gonna kill 'em

RACHEL: Because that'd solve everything

JOHNNY: It'd make 'em shut up, wouldn't it?

RACHEL: Or give our group a murder rap instead of a thieves rap. Personally, I'd rather be thought of as a thief

JACK: And it's not like they're so innocent. I used to snort lines with Kipp all the time. He uses it as a way to get hyped up for a game

LAMPTON: Wouldn't Nancy Reagan be proud of our All-American boy?

JACK: Why, golly gee, Miss Landon, I suppose you're right. Maybe we should have a little chat with Mrs. Reagan, whatda say? We could get Eddy and the Beaver together and make a party out of it!

LAMPTON: Why, Mr. Nosh, I just don't know if Eddy and the Beaver could come on such sort notice

JACK: Oh, I'm sure they would for Kipp Johnson

LAMPTON: Well, golly, Jack, I just plum forgot that we were talking about Kipp Johnson. Silly me!

RACHEL: Well, aren't you two just adorable

JOHNNY: What, Rachel, jealous?

RACHEL: Of course. Enraged, really.

JOHNNY: Must be the alcohol talking

RACHEL: Probably. Maybe Nancy should come and talk to me too. Maybe she can explain what the hell they mean by 'A Thousand Points of Light'

JACK: No shit. Why do politicians always have to pull stuff like that? It's not like they actually care or even have the ability to do anything about the stuff that goes on in kid's life.

LAMPTON: It's the votes. Doing something for the kids makes you look good to parents, who are the majority of the electorate

JOHNNY: You'd think they could do something, though

LAMPTON: Who could do something?

JOHNNY: The politicians. Why do they just have to smile and say they're gonna do stuff and then they just talk a lot and pretend that they fixed the problem?

LAMPTON: Maybe we have to fix our own problems first, it's not like the politicians can go door to door with interventions for teens.

JOHNNY: Yeah, but you think they could do something with how much power they have.

RACHEL: What's up with you, Johnny?

JOHNNY: _(Shakes head and laughs)_ Nothing, just spacing is all

RACHEL: Well stop, you're bringing me down, man

LAMPTON: Well alcohol is a depressant

RACHEL: But weed makes you feel right as rain

LAMPTON: Good point

_LATER. JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. HOFFS and LAMPTON are sitting at the conference table_.

HOFFS: You have anything, because I have nothing unless you want to hear about the totally terrible break-up of Andrea and Andy.

LAMPTON: Jack used to snort lines with Kipp, but I think that's entirely unrelated. Otherwise, I've got nothing.

HOFFS: Yeah, I remember Kipp, Kiera, and Poppy saying something about him. But they made it sound like he was the one with the drug problem and that it developed after his mom died

LAMPTON: Made it seem or stated directly

HOFFS: More like stated directly, but they never said that they didn't do stuff either, so I don't know

LAMPTON: It's a he said, she said kind of deal, isn't it?

HOFFS: So are you sure that you're group didn't pull anything?

LAMPTON: I'm positive, Judy. They're all pissed as hell that you guys keep blaming them for the robbery. What about your little gang? Maybe they pulled it to try and get at the punks?

HOFFS: They're convinced that you guys pulled it, and they're angry that the school board has never been able to pin anything on them, but they were all at the game, so I don't know how they could have pulled it.

LAMPTON: Maybe Kiera or Poppy just took the money instead of putting it in the office like they normally did

HOFFS: Then why would she later go back and force the lock open?

LAMPTON: Well, who else do we got?

HOFFS: Nobody

LAMPTON: What about that Spanish teacher guy you were checking out

HOFFS: No, he's not the type, y'know. The kids love him, he loves the kids. He wouldn't do something that would hurt them. He's a good guy.

LAMPTON: Still, we should check his bank account

HOFFS: You really think he'd be stupid enough to put it in his bank account?

LAMPTON: Who would think to look in a teacher's bank account when we're all focusing on the students?

HOFFS: A crazy person?

LAMPTON: Exactly

HOFFS: And how exactly are you going to get the warrant to look at his bank account?

LAMPTON: I didn't think that far in advance. Sexual favors?

HOFFS: Nice try

LAMPTON: Are there any other teachers we should check out while we're at it?

HOFFS: Nobody sticks out

LAMPTON: Well then, their plan is working

HOFFS: Or just could just be innocent

LAMPTON: That too

HOFFS: Who else in the school could get access to that money

LAMPTON: I don't know. This whole case sucks. Nobody knows anything. I am going to graduate from that school, I can feel it.

HOFFS: Better not let Fuller hear you say that

LAMPTON: But it's true!

HOFFS: So what we have no suspects and we're trapped in a dead end case, we can still make the best of it!

LAMPTON: What other options do we have to solve this thing?

HOFFS: Find a suspect

LAMPTON: Maybe we should set up a sting?

HOFFS: I'm intrigued

LAMPTON: We'll spread the word in both our groups and around the school and see who bites. Any ideas where we could put the money?

_(HANSON and PENHALL enter)_

HANSON: What money?

PENHALL: The money you owe us for going to dinner with your mother

HOFFS: Oh, I didn't think it was that bad. You're mother was sweet

HANSON: And you were all out to get me

LAMPTON: Us? Never.

HANSON: Well, she did like you guys, for whatever reason. But you being there didn't exactly work out as I imagined it would

PENHALL: What? Why?

HANSON: Because you just talked about me all night!

PENHALL: Well it was your mother, I didn't think she'd be interested in me

HANSON: Thanks, man

HOFFS: So, we're thinking about a putting together a sting

PENHALL: At Western?

LAMPTON: Yea

HANSON: Oh

LAMPTON: You got any ideas?

_(PENHALL and HANSON exchange looks)_

HANSON: Yeah, yeah

PENHALL: We could arrange something

_(HANSON nods)_

* * *

**_End Part One_**

* * *

**_Updates up ASAP.  
Please Review. _**


	6. 3: The Witch Hunt, part 2

_WESTERN HIGH SCHOOL. HOFFS, KIERA, and POPPY are sitting on a blanket in front of the school. LAMPTON and RACHEL are sitting on a nearby wall smoking. HANSON, PENHALL, and FULLER pull up to the front of the school. FULLER is carrying a moneybox_.

RACHEL: _(About HANSON, PENHALL, and FULLER)_ Who are they?

LAMPTON: Hey I'm the new one girl here, you think I know?

RACHEL: Yeah, good point

LAMPTON: You wanna follow them?

RACHEL: Of course

_(RACHEL and LAMPTON hop off the wall and follow FULLER, HANSON, and PENHALL)_

RACHEL: _(About HANSON)_ That middle one's kinda cute

LAMPTON: He kinda looks like a goody-goody to me

_(HANSON reacts, PENHALL smirks)_

RACHEL: Yeah, but there's always the possible conversion factor to consider

LAMPTON: Nah, I don't see that in him. Now the other one, he's got conversion written all over him. Hell, I bet he's a closet case right now

_(HANSON, PENHALL, and FULLER followed by LAMPTON and RACHEL pass by HOFFS, POPPY, and KIERA)_

KIERA: Ten bucks says they jump those three guys

HOFFS: Maybe we should follow them, y'know, so that we can catch them in the act

POPPY: I'm in

KIERA: Me too. Hell, maybe then the school board will finally start listening to us about all the other robberies!

_(HOFFS, KIERA, and POPPY follow behind LAMPTON and RACHEL as HANSON, PENHALL, and FULLER walk into the school and into the main office)_

LAMPTON: Quick _(ducks and wedges a doorstopper so that the door doesn't close all of the way)_

RACHEL: I'm getting the feeling that you've done this before

LAMPTON: I'm curious by nature

RACHEL: Do you know what happened to the cat?

KIERA: What are you two doing here?

RACHEL: Found a new hang out spot. Too much sun outside, I was worried I might start developing a tan.

LAMPTON: And let's face it girls, tan lines are a bitch

POPPY:_ (About HANSON, PENHALL, and FULLER)_ Who are those guys?

RACHEL: There is a reason we were following them

KIERA: Besides wanting to take their money. You seem to have a talent for that.

RACHEL: You know what

LAMPTON: _(Cutting RACHEL off) _Shh! They're talking!

_(INSIDE MAIN OFFICE. HOLLY YORK is behind the desk talking with MARK ANDERSON and TEACHER #1)_

HOLLY YORK: Hello there, gentlemen

FULLER: Hi, I'm Reverend Adam Fisher, I'm a local minister down at West Congregational, and these are two members of my parish, Tom Henderson and Doug Littlefield.

HOLLY YORK: Well, Mr. Fisher, what can I do for you and your friends today?

FULLER: Well, we heard about the robbery and we, as a church, decided that we wanted to do something to help the team get to the all-star tournament

_(HANSON holds up moneybox)_

HANSON: Now we don't have the same amount, but we hope that it will help

PENHALL: Yeah, actually, we're about two hundred short, but at least that is a major start, right? And if it doesn't work out, you guys can put it towards next year

HOLLY YORK: Oh my, let me go and get the Principal! Thank-you, oh my gosh, I don't know if we can ever thank-you enough! The boys are going to be thrilled!

MARK ANDERSON: I don't know how we can ever repay you

FULLER: Oh, it was our pleasure

HANSON: The parish was more then happy to donate what they could

PENHALL: They're very caring people

_(HALLWAY)_

RACHEL: Dang, that's one caring parish

LAMPTON: How much money do you think they raised?

POPPY: Why? Planning on stealing it like you stole the last money?

LAMPTON: I wasn't even here when that happened! Why does everyone think that I was somehow involved in that!

RACHEL: And we didn't even take your money! We weren't even at the game.

KIERA: So? You'd just had to stop by the main office for a second to get the money and then leave. Technically you never had to set foot at the game because the game was in the gym

RACHEL: Like you're so innocent! You could have taken the money! You guys were in charge of that stuff right? That's what cheerleaders do.

HOFFS: What? You think all we're good for is raising money for the guys? We do a lot more then that!

LAMPTON: Oh, we're sorry, we forgot about the pom-poms

RACHEL: But that might have been more like a service then an accident.

LAMPTON: Yeah, really, pom-poms are so 1950s. Join the feminist movement, perhaps pick up a copy of _The Feminine Mystique_ while you're at it

POPPY: Oh you think you're so enlightened with your badass tats and you're multiple piercings, but you're such a stereotype. A comedic one at that because you all think you're individuals.

KIERA: Well that and criminals

RACHEL: Why don't you just shut up, you don't have a clue what you're blabbering about!

LAMPTON: We didn't take any money, how hard is that to believe!

_(FULLER, HANSON, and PENHALL exit the main office with HOLLY YORK in tow)_

HOLLY YORK: What are you girls doing here?

HANSON: It looks like high noon as Western High

LAMPTON: We're old friends

KIERA: Yeah, just catching up

RACHEL: Take care now, girls

LAMPTON: We'll catch up with you three later

KIERA: You bet

RACHEL: Slumber party tonight, right?

LAMPTON: We can do each other's toenails!

_OUTSIDE WESTERN HIGH SCHOOL. RACHEL and LAMPTON are walking out of the school and down the street._

RACHEL: God, now if that money goes missing you know they're just gonna blame us for it again! And since we have previous knowledge the school board just might believe their clean-cut smiles!

LAMPTON: But it they don't have any real proof, then they can't do anything about it. They can just continue to suspect us for every other thing that goes wrong in this school until the day we graduate

RACHEL: And a fine day that would be

LAMPTON: Mighty fine

RACHEL: I wonder how many people will know about the money before tomorrow. I bet half the school will be taking about it.

LAMPTON: Well let's just hope it actually gets to the basketball team this time, and we can finally get everyone off our cases until the next big scandal

RACHEL: No kidding

_INSIDE WESTERN HIGH SCHOOL. HOFFS, POPPY, and KIERA are walking through the hallways._

POPPY: We should set up some sort of monitoring system maybe this time around. That way, when they do pull something, we can finally bust them on it legally

KIERA: We've got to get it on camera, though, or else the school board won't believe us. Again.

HOFFS: Good point. But when would they do it?

POPPY: Tonight, probably

HOFFS: Why?

POPPY: Because only five students, including us, know about the money. Only a two-way split that way.

KIERA: And nothing is going on tonight at the school!

HOFFS: So, you wanna meet up?

POPPY: Yeah, you in?

HOFFS: Of course, I may be new here, but I do have a sense of right and wrong. And it's crappy that they can pull stuff and not get in trouble for it.

POPPY: Let's meet outside the school at eight, all right?

KIERA: I'll bring my dad's video camera

HOFFS: All right

KIERA: How are we going to get into the school?

POPPY: The janitor always leaves one door open.

_(HOFFS and KIERA give POPPY a look)_

POPPY: What? It's common knowledge.

_LATER. JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. HOFFS, HANSON, PENHALL, LAMPTON, and FULLER are sitting around the conference table. IOKI and "BLOWFISH" are in the background._

HOFFS: Well my girls are convinced that you and Rachel are going to try and steal that money tonight.

LAMPTON: And Rachel is convinced you are convinced that we are going to steal the money so even if somebody else steals it we're gonna get the blame

HOFFS: Basically, yeah, that's where they are

HANSON: So basically they're dammed if the do, and dammed if they don't

LAMPTON: Seems so

HOFFS: Although it was pretty interesting that Poppy knew that the janitor always kept a door unlocked. She claimed it was common knowledge, but Kiera had no idea

PENHALL: Yeah, but that could be anything from she had to get a book one night to she stole the basketball teams money and now she's trying to cover it up

FULLER: Penhall's right, Hoffs, we don't know if any of these kids are involved, that's why we made our presence known at the school

LAMPTON: Yeah, by the way, you guys were considered hot stuff. Even for Christian boys, major conversion factor

HANSON: Conversion factor?

LAMPTON: Yeah, y'know, changing a good boy into a bad boy

HOFFS: Poppy and Kiera share similar feelings

PENHALL: I don't know whether to be flattered or creeped out

HANSON: I'd go with creeped out if I were you, buddy. Something about underage girls and an undercover officer never looks so good in the newspaper

PENHALL: Good point

HANSON: Just making sure you keep your job

FULLER: All joking aside, we need to make sure we're clear on this sting. Hoffs, you're going to be with Poppy and Kiera and keep an eye on them, they're not exactly in the clear yet. Me, Hanson, Penhall, and Lampton are going to be positioned in and around the school. Everybody clear?

HANSON: Crystal

_(CONDOR enters)_

CONDOR: Hey

HANSON:_ (to PENHALL) _What's he doing here?

FULLER: We had to borrow some money from narcotics, and since we have a relationship with Officer Condor, they sent him over to monitor the money, Hanson

HANSON: Oh

LAMPTON: How are you, Condor? How's life treating you down at narcotics? Still interrogating, I presume. Hopefully actual suspects this time

CONDOR: _(Chuckles slightly) _Are you ever going to get over that?

LAMPTON: Not until somebody else tops it. And, Condor, my friend, I mean this with the utmost respect, I don't think that is ever going to happen

CONDOR: Eli

LAMPTON: What?

CONDOR: Call me Eli

LAMPTON: Okay

_(HOFFS and PENHALL exchange looks, HANSON looks upset.)_

HOFFS: So, Eli, will you be joining us on the sting tonight?

CONDOR: Of course

PENHALL: Why?

CONDOR: Because, apparently, us guys down at narcotics don't trust you guys here at Jumpstreet. Something about a gambling night gone wrong

PENHALL: Hey! They were cheating! I wasn't gonna pay cheaters!

HANSON: You play poker with guys from Narcotics?

"BLOWFISH": What? Are we not good enough for you?

IOKI: You think you know someone

PENHALL: It was during the Academy, guys, don't worry, I only take you're guys' money now

"BLOWFISH": Well good, I mean, what?

LAMPTON: So how are we going to fit Condor into our master plan?

FULLER: Well Hanson and Penhall will be outside

HANSON: Monitoring for possible suspects

FULLER: Yeah, and me and you, Priss, are going to be in the office, we could perhaps fit Condor in with us, but that might be kind of tight

CONDOR: I could just join Hanson and Penhall in the car

_(HANSON chokes on his can of pop) _

PENHALL: _(Pats HANSON on the back) _You sure?

CONDOR: I promise I don't bite

PENHALL: You're sitting in the back seat. I ride shotgun. Nobody else can ride shotgun, but me, unless I am not in the car, in which case I cannot ride shotgun for obvious reasons of physics

FULLER: Penhall

PENHALL: What?

FULLER: Shut up

LAMPTON: That should work, you got any objections, captain?

PENHALL: I think it's best for me that the Captain is as far away from me as possible this evening

FULLER: You thought right, Penhall

PENHALL: _(to LAMPTON) _I think you're mind reading powers are running off on me

LAMPTON: They were physic abilities, but I think I like the fact that you think I'm rubbing off on you. It's strangely flattering.

FULLER: All right, I think we're all settled for tonight

LAMPTON: _(looks at watch) _I gotta go pick Emma up, then I'll meet you guys back here, and we'll go bust some heads

FULLER: We're not busting any heads

LAMPTON: Well it sounded cool, and I've always wanted to say it. _(Gathers up things) _Nice seeing you again, Eli, make sure these two _(motions towards HANSON and PENHALL) _go over the basics of identifying a suspect with you because we will have three officers in the field tonight. We don't need anymore accidents, now do we?

CONDOR: Goodbye, Priss

LAMPTON: _(In southern accent) _Why, Eli, how forward of you! I seem to recall saying that you could refer to me as Officer Lampton

CONDOR: All right, goodbye, Officer Lampton

LAMPTON: Well, jeez, Eli I think we know each other well enough to drop the formalities, call me Priss

CONDOR: _(to HOFFS) _Is she always like this?

HOFFS: I think she's rather caffeinated today, but for the most part, yeah

LAMPTON: Most find it endearing

CONDOR: And I think it's in my best interest not to respond

PENHALL: Smart man

_(HANSON glares, PENHALL mouths 'sorry')_

LAMPTON: All right, I'm really leaving this time. See you all later.

HOFFS: Bye

_(LAMPTON exits)_

CONDOR: _(to HANSON) _So what kind of car do you have?

_(HANSON looks at him then turns to PENHALL)_

PENHALL: A mustang

CONDOR: _(to HOFFS) _What'd I do?

HOFFS: It's a long story

_LATER. JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. HANSON is sitting at his desk working on paperwork alone. HOFFS enters._

HOFFS: Hey, where'd Penhall and Condor go?

HANSON: To find the walkie-talkies or something. Fuller asked for them, and since we're usually with the kids when they commit the crimes we don't use the walkie-talkies, so Penhall had to go and hunt them down out of storage, and since the storage is sort of questionable I said I wouldn't go, and guess who was kind enough to volunteer to help?

HOFFS: Condor?

HANSON: Obviously. Because he is apparently such a nice guy. Does no one else remember what he was like when we first met him?

HOFFS: Actually, he wasn't that bad

HANSON: Whatda mean not that bad? He was a jerk!

HOFFS: Hanson, I think you're reading a little too much into how Priss acts around Condor and how he acts around her. I'm sure that they're just friends.

HANSON: Yeah, flirty friends

HOFFS: Hanson, you can't be jealous if you don't have a crush on her

HANSON: I'm not jealous and I don't have a crush on her

HOFFS: You wouldn't even tell him what kind of car you own, Tom. You have some issues with the guy.

HANSON: Can't I just not like the guy! Jeez! Why does every thing I do mean that I have a crush on Priss! I don't! I just don't like him, end of story.

HOFFS: Well, think about this for a second, Tom, she takes you bowling with her kid. She suffered through dinner with your mother. She respects your opinions. Does she do any of that with Condor?

HANSON: First of all, I like bowling and Emma likes bowling and she likes Emma, so the bowling thing doesn't count for anything other then somebody to help out with the tab at the end. And everyone suffered through dinner with my mother for the free meal. And how do you even know that she respects my opinions? She could just be silently wishing for me to shut up all the time.

HOFFS: I know

HANSON: How?

HOFFS: I just know

HANSON: I'm not jealous

HOFFS: Hanson, do yourself and all of us a favor, and just ask her out. Then you can at least have a respectable reason.

(HOFFS exits)

HANSON: _(Mumbling) _Like you know anything, you think I have a crush on her

_(PENHALL and CONDOR enter)_

PENHALL: Tommy, my boy!

HANSON: You found them?

PENHALL: They're slightly dusty, but still usable

HANSON: You tried them out?

PENHALL: Not yet, but that's what we intend to do as soon as we can clean them off

HANSON: You really need to clean them off to hear if you hear someone talking to you in them?

PENHALL: Well, yeah. We can't seem to find the on button currently.

HANSON: What?

PENHALL: They're really dusty

HANSON: Well clean them off

PENHALL: We thought you could, since we found them and all

HANSON: You're already dusty, why make me dusty too?

PENHALL: Because we found them

HANSON: I'm doing paperwork. You clean them off and leave one here then you can saunter off into another room somewhere and say something into yours, and I'll tell you if I hear you out here, okie-dokie?

CONDOR: Actually, that sounds like a good idea, Doug. We'll clean them here, then you can go into Fuller's office while me and Hanson wait here

HANSON: _(Grabs walkie-talkie) _You know what, I think I'll help you clean that, ol' buddy.

PENHALL: What about your paperwork?

HANSON: Do you really think that I would put paperwork ahead of my best friend and partner?

PENHALL: Yes

_(HANSON glares at PENHALL as he wipes off the walkie-talkie)_

HANSON: _(Hands walkie-talkie to CONDOR) _Here

CONDOR: What?

HANSON: Go into Fuller's office and make sure it works

CONDOR: I thought the plan was for Penhall to go into Fuller's office and see if it works

HANSON: Well you came up with the plan, and I think the rule is: he who comes up with the plan, gets the shitty end of the plan

CONDOR: All right, how can anyone dispute reasoning like that?

_(CONDOR exits to FULLER'S OFFICE)_

PENHALL: Jeez, somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed

HANSON: Has it become illegal to dislikes someone?

PENHALL: No. But it is rather odd to be jealous of some guy when you don't even have a crush on the girl he's making eyes at

HANSON: He's not making eyes at Priss. Who makes eyes anyone? It's called hitting. You hit on a girl. You don't make eyes at her.

PENHALL: What about bedroom eyes?

HANSON: By that time you've already got the girl. We're talking about the getting process, which involves tacky pick-up lines, shameless flirting, and hitting. No eyes are involved.

PENHALL: Well you'd have to see her to know if you want to hit on her and do all of that stuff that you said, so eyes have to be involved

_(Walkie-talkie beeps, PENHALL and HANSON look at it)_

PENHALL: It works

HANSON: Yeah. How'd that happen?

PENHALL: I don't know

CONDOR: _(OS, on walkie-talkie) _Can you here me?

PENHALL: _(Into walkie-talkie) _Yep, loud and clear. You can come out now.

HANSON: Out of the closet

PENHALL: Nice

_(CONDOR comes out of FULLER'S OFFICE)_

CONDOR: I think we're in business

_(HOFFS and LAMPTON enter carrying food)_

HOFFS: Lucy! I'm home!

PENHALL: Ricky! What'd you bring us?

HOFFS: Thai

PENHALL: You're the perfect woman, Jude. Brains, beauty, and a general love for Thai food.

HOFFS: Why, Douglas, I think you're just trying to get into my pants

PENHALL: Only slightly. Bring the food and we'll talk more.

HOFFS: Yeah, whatever

LAMPTON: I think we've got enough to actually feed all of Thailand

_(HOFFS and LAMPTON set the food down on the conference table, HANSON, PENHALL, and CONDOR walk over and sit down)_

HANSON: Which ones have tofu in them?

LAMPTON: _(Motioning to various boxes) _This one, and that one, and that one over there, but you can't really tell

CONDOR: Let me guess, it tastes like chicken?

LAMPTON: Shameless

HOFFS: Actually, tofu just takes on the taste of whatever it's in, so those ones will taste like cheese, and that one will taste like the soup that it's in

PENHALL: Tasty

HANSON: Where are the drinks?

LAMPTON: Phoebe and Emma are bringing them

HANSON: Emma?

LAMPTON: And Phoebe

PENHALL: Phoebe?

LAMPTON: Relax, I don't think she remembers you

PENHALL: Oh, well, I, ahh, was just curious, because I, ahh, well there was this cat, and well, uhh

HOFFS: What are you talking about?

HANSON: I don't think he even knows

_(PHOEBE and EMMA enter carrying drinks)_

PHOEBE: Jeez, this place is impossible to find!

EMMA: Aunt Phoebe got lost

PHOEBE: No I didn't! I had bad directions!

EMMA: Nuh-uh

PHOEBE: Terrible directions!

EMMA: You got lost

LAMPTON: Hey, babe, come here and get some food before Doug eats all. Phoebe, you can come too.

PHOEBE: Thanks, Priss. You're generous.

LAMPTON: Like a nun

HANSON: You guys might want to hurry, I think he's going to move on to the table pretty quick

_(EMMA and PHEOEBE take a seat at the table)_

PHOEBE: Next time, say that I'm looking for the ex-Chapel that doesn't remotely look like a police prescient surrounded by cars that look like they should be owned by teenagers

PENHALL: We're trying to keep the illusion alive. If we have too nice of cars, nobody would believe that we're teenagers living off mommy and daddy

HANSON: Yeah, that's it

PENHALL: Hey, you drive your dad's car

HANSON: At least I have one. You drive a motorcycle

EMMA: A motorcycle! Cool!

LAMPTON: Not cool, babe. Stay away from guys with motorcycles. Go with the guy with the minivan. And really thick glasses. Really thick.

EMMA: What?

HANSON: I can't wait for her to get old enough to start retorting

LAMPTON: Hey, with this kind of training, she's gonna be a riot in school. My goal is for her to be voted class clown and most likely to succeed. Plus, she'll also be Harvard-bound, have all the boys running after her, and have an uncommonly strong attachment to her mother, of course that I'll have to move to Boston with her.

HOFFS: Aren't you forgetting homecoming queen?

LAMPTON: No! Sinful! I would never wish that evil on my daughter.

CONDOR: I was homecoming king

LAMPTON: I'm sorry

HANSON: _(Whispering to PENHALL) _Ha! I wasn't even on the court! Not even in the running for the court! Take that.

PENHALL: _(Whispering to HANSON) _And you're seeing that as a good thing, Hanson?

LAMPTON: So, kiddo, what do you think about where you're mommy works? Cool, huh? Wouldn't even know it's a Police station.

PHOEBE: I noticed on the way in

EMMA: Which one is your desk, mom?

LAMTON: _(Points to desk) _That one over there covered with pictures of you

EMMA: Why do you have so many pictures?

LAMPTON: Because otherwise I might forget you. You know I forget a lot of things.

EMMA: You wouldn't forget me!

LAMTON: Me who? Who are you child, and where is your mother?

EMMA: Mom!

LAMPTON: Oh, you're confused! Poor, poor confused child. Should we send your picture to the milk people? That way they can put it on the carton. I've heard that works.

EMMA: You're being silly again, mom

LAMPTON: Ah, you caught me! You're so smart. How'd you get so smart? 'Cause let me tell you, it wasn't from me.

PHOEBE: _(to EVERYONE ELSE) _You get used to the banter, sometimes you're even invited to join

HOFFS: They're so cute together

PENHALL: You know what, Priss, I don't think you should bring Emma around when Judy is here. She's got that look.

LAMPTON: What look?

PENHALL: The 'I want a kid' look. And I'm the closest thing she has to a boyfriend

_(HOFFS hits PENHALL)_

HOFFS: I could get a boyfriend, I'm just not looking right now

PENHALL: Sure, whatever helps you sleep at night, Jude

HOFFS: You're terrible! I'm so switching to Ioki! Ioki would never say stuff like that.

HANSON: Not to your face at least

LAMPTON: Well, there is a certain courtesy is waiting to say something behind someone's back

HOFFS: So, Emma, what brings you by the Chapel?

EMMA: Our house is being checked for bugs

HANSON: _(to LAMPTON) _What?

LAMPTON: It's nothing

HANSON: You sure?

LAMPTON: Yeah, yeah, we live in a duplex, and the people next door to us had some problems with bugs, so they recommend that we get our place checked just in case. And they're just not done yet, but they said they'd call us when they're done, which will be sometime tonight.

HOFFS: You girls need a place to stay tonight? I've got an extra room in my apartment and a couch too.

LAMPTON: Really? You'd do that, Judy?

HOFFS: Yeah, it's no problem. This way Emma and Phoebe don't have to wait around the Chapel for us to get back, because let's face it, we're probably going to be out all night, and there are no comfortable places to sleep in the chapel.

LAMPTON: I was eyeing Fuller's couch earlier

PENHALL: I've always wondered if it's comfortable

LAMPTON: I will forever be in your debt, Jude, thank-you so much.

HOFFS: It's no problem. I can take them over to my apartment before I meet up with the Bobsey Twins

LAMPTON: How does that sound, kiddo? You wanna spend the night at Judy's?

EMMA: Really?

HOFFS: Really, really.

EMMA: Cool! And it's even a school night!

LAMPTON: Yes it is. Let's not tell on Mommy, okay?

EMMA: Okay

_(FULLER enters)_

FULLER: What are you all doing?

PENHALL: Mentally preparing for our sting operation

FULLER: And you need a seven-year-old to do this?

PENHALL: She's bringing out our inner child. It's important to be in touch with when you work with teenagers. The inner child.

FULLER: Is that Thai?

LAMPTON: You're more then welcome to it, Captain

FULLER: Thanks _(grabs a plate) _Hi, Emma. How are you?

EMMA: I'm good

FULLER: Well that's good. I hope your mother isn't spreading lies about me.

EMMA: Always

FULLER: Has anyone ever told you that you're just like your mother?

EMMA: A lot

FULLER: I thought so

LAMPTON: I've molded her in my likeness with a few key differences

CONDOR: Wouldn't want to get you two confused

LAMPTON: Exactly

FULLER: _(Looks at watch) _It's about time, Hoffs. We need to give you a wire.

PENHALL: I can set her up with one, Coach. You finish eating.

HANSON: I think he's trying to win back popularity points

CONDOR: With which one?

LAMPTON: Both

FULLER: I like cars, Penhall.

PENHALL: Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're all hilarious.

LAMPTON: I like to think so

_LATER. WESTERN HIGH SCHOOL. LAMPTON and FULLER are positioned inside the main office, hidden from view. HANSON and PENHALL are outside in HANSON'S car. HOFFS is standing on the front steps. KIERA, POPPY, and KIPP approach._

HOFFS: What took you guys so long? It's almost eight-thirty!

POPPY: Sorry, we couldn't find the camera

KIERA: But we've got it now!

KIPP: And I'm here for protection. No knowing what exactly those guys will be hyped up on.

HOFFS: Well how very knight in shining armor of you, now let's go before I officially turn into an icicle!

POPPY: All right, it's the third door from the left, I believe

_(POPPY opens the door)_

HOFFS: So where are we going to hide?

KIERA: We'll have to find spots in the hallway that are hidden from view. We should split up for that, how about you and Poppy hide in the senior hallway and me and Kipp will hide in the lobby.

POPPY: Okay

_INSIDE HANSON'S CAR._

CONDOR: So, you guys are all really close, aren't you?

PENHALL: Yeah, well, we like each other well enough

CONDOR: But I would never just eat dinner with the guys down at narcotics when I didn't have to, and inviting someone to stay in my house would be a big no-no

HANSON: Why? Have trust-issues?

_(PENHALL elbows HANSON)_

PENHALL: So you're just not close with the guys down at narcotics. It's not like you guys are known for your friendliness. In fact, narcotics people are generally avoided.

CONDOR: Thanks, man

PENHALL: Well you turned out to be an exception

_(HANSON elbows PENHALL)_

CONDOR: Well not at first apparently

PENHALL: Ah, that's just Priss. She'll hold a grudge for a little while, then she'll forgive you and just tease you forever and ever about it.

CONDOR: She's different

HANSON: What?

CONDOR: Not in a bad way, I just mean she's different then most cops you meet. Most people you meet, really.

_(HANSON rolls his eyes)_

PENHALL: Well we like her

HANSON: So who do you think is gonna take the money?

PENHALL: I've got money on the punk kids, they don't look trustworthy

HANSON: Nah, I like the popular kids for it

PENHALL: Why?

HANSON: Because, they feel like those kids are getting away with murder and nobody's doing anything about it. It's motive enough to try and pin something on them

CONDOR: It's the butler

HANSON: Eh?

CONDOR: It's a joke. It's always the butler, y'know.

HANSON: Hilarious

PENHALL: Ignore him, Thai food never sits well with him

HANSON: I still think it's the popular kids.

PENHALL: But don't you think they would have mentioned something to Judy?

HANSON: Maybe, maybe not. Who knows?

PENHALL: Well I don't, and you don't, so that certainly leaves us at a loss.

_INSIDE THE SCHOOL. POPPY and HOFFS are sitting behind a set of lockers._

POPPY: You ever get the feeling that there's something going on that you don't know about?

HOFFS: Whatda mean?

POPPY: With Kiera and Kipp, there's something going on that they're not telling me. And it's not a relationship because they tried that and believe me that is something that neither of them will ever want to do again

HOFFS: Why?

POPPY: Why? Because they were at wits end with each other all the time. They fought constantly, hated each other, then would make up for like an hour, only to start fighting again

HOFFS: They seem perfectly friendly to each other now

POPPY: That's because they're friends

HOFFS: So it was the kind of friendship that didn't translate well into a relationship is what you're saying

POPPY: Basically. But none of us saw it coming. We all thought that they'd be perfect together, we even pressed Kipp to ask her out for months before he actually did it, and it turned out to be the biggest soap opera of a relationship ever

_INSIDE HANSON'S CAR._

CONDOR: And she's so great with that daughter of hers, what's her name again? Emily? No, it's not Emily. It's something close to Emily, though, I know it. It's on the tip of my tongue!

HANSON: Emma

CONDOR: What?

HANSON: It's Emma

CONDOR: Oh, yea, Emma. I wonder where she got a name like that. You don't meet many Emma's. Or Priscilla's for that matter. Maybe it's a family name.

_(HANSON is about to say something, but PENHALL cuts him off)_

PENHALL: So, how 'bout them Yankees?

CONDOR: Huh?

PENHALL: Well do you think they buy their teams? Well, of course they buy their team, but do you still like them? I do. Sometimes. Maybe. What do you think?

HANSON: I think you've lost it

CONDOR: You need to take a break or something, man?

PENHALL: Well I think it's about time we had some interesting sports conversation instead of just rambling on about nothing

_(MAN dressed in black begins moving towards the school, HANSON takes out binoculars as CONDOR and PENHALL continue arguing)_

CONDOR: Well I think I was attempting to stop the boredom in sitting and waiting for something that is never gonna happen

PENHALL: Well I think it's crazy that you would put up the money for something you don't think it going to work

HANSON: I think we've got our guy

PENHALL and CONDOR: What?

HANSON: I think we've got our guy! Look!

PENHALL: Who?

HANSON: The one dressed in all black wandering into the school in the middle of the night. Maybe he forgot a book?

PENHALL: Let's hope not, it's freezing out here. Give me that walkie-talkie.

_(HANSON hands walkie-talkie to PENHALL)_

PENHALL: Suspect entering school. Repeat suspect entering school. Do you want back-up? Over.

FULLER: _(OC, walkie-talkie)_ Hang back a moment, Penhall. Unless I radio in, come inside in five minutes. Over.

PENHALL: Good enough for me. Over and out.

CONDOR: So we just wait?

HANSON: We have three cops inside the school and one guy. You really think he's gonna get away?

CONDOR: Well Underdog always did

_INSIDE SCHOOL. HOFFS and POPPY are still leaning against the lockers._

HOFFS: You really think something's going on with Kiera and Kipp?

POPPY: Yeah, they've been acting weird lately, don't you think?

HOFFS: Well Kipp showing up here tonight was interesting

POPPY: Why?

HOFFS: Because Kiera would have had to tell Kipp about the money in the first place. And it's not like we were planning to do anything to stop Rachel and whats-her-face from taking the money, so we don't need him for protection, even so we split up leaving us completely and totally venerable

POPPY: So what are you saying? That they're gonna take the money?

HOFFS: Well, maybe, I don't know

POPPY: Did you notice the fact that we can't see the main office from here? We can only see a few doors, not even including the door that everybody knows is always open

HOFFS: Kiera and Kipp are watching the office

POPPY: Would they?

HOFFS: You've known them longer

POPPY: No, they wouldn't. Would they?

HOFFS: Maybe we should just watch them. Just to make sure, y'know. Worst case, we're just doubly watching the main office.

POPPY: Yeah, okay. I think you're right.

_(HOFFS and POPPY begin to walk towards MAIN OFFICE)_

_INSIDE SCHOOL. FRONT HALLWAY. KIPP and KIERA are at the door of the main office, attempting to pick the lock._

_INSIDE HANSON'S CAR._

PENHALL: How long has it been?

HANSON: A minute

PENHALL: Four more to go

HANSON: Are you going to do that every thirty seconds?

PENHALL: No

CONDOR: _(Looking through binoculars)_ Whoa

PENHALL: What?

CONDOR: We've got two more guys

HANSON: _(to PENHALL)_ Call Fuller, let him know that we'll follow these guys in _(HANSON opens car door)_

PENHALL: Where are you going?

HANSON: To follow them in _(HANSON exits car)_

CONDOR: Well this is proving to be an exciting evening

_INSIDE SCHOOL. KIERA and KIPP brake the lock, and enter into the MAIN OFFICE, closing the door behind them. HOFFS and POPPY enter just after the door is closed, they hide behind a wall._

_INSIDE MAIN OFFICE. KIERA and KIPP walk over to moneybox, which is sitting on the counter. LAMPTON and FULLER exchange looks from their hiding spots as the INTRUDER opens the box and counts the money. FULLER motions for LAMPTON to wait. INTRUDER begins putting money in a small canvas bag. FULLER counts on his fingers to three, FULLER and LAMPTON jump out of their hiding spots._

FULLER: Freeze, Police!

LAMPTON: Put down the money, guys! We've caught you red handed.

_INSIDE SCHOOL,HALLWAY. HOFFS and POPPY are watching where KIERA and KIPP are supposedly hidden. MAN enters, wearing a mask._

HOFFS: _(Whispering)_ Shh, we've got company

POPPY:_ (Whispering)_ Which one is it?

HOFFS: _(Whispering)_ I can't see a face, he's wearing a mask

POPPY: _(Whispering)_ So it is a guy

HOFFS: _(Whispering)_ Or a very tall preteen girl

_(MAN moves towards MAIN OFFICE, he checks the lock, it's open, so he opens the door. MAN sees FULLER and LAMPTON arresting KIERA and KIPP, and attempts to run. HOFFS jumps out from her hiding place)_

HOFFS: Freeze! Police!

_(HOFFS tackles MAN)_

HOFFS: Gotcha

POPPY: What the hell is going on?

_MAIN OFFICE. LAMPTON and FULLER have cuffed KIERA and KIPP. Walkie-talkie beeps._

PENHALL: _(OC, over walkie-talkie)_ Captain, we've got two more entering the building as we speak. Hanson's gone to follow them in. Over.

FULLER: Hoffs! Get Poppy and that guy in here now!

_(HOFFS enters with MAN cuffed and a very confused looking POPPY)_

HOFFS: What's up?

FULLER: Penhall just called with two more suspects entering the building

LAMPTON: Two more? What is this, a parade?

POPPY: What the hell is going on here!_ (About KIERA and KIPP)_ Why are they handcuffed? Are you two seriously cops? What the hell are you doing in high school!

HOFFS: Just calm down, Poppy

POPPY: Would you just tell me what's going on?

HOFFS: We will in a second, right now, we're going to need you to hide. All right? Can you do that for us?

_INSIDE SCHOOL. HANSON enters through open doors and moves towards office, PENHALL and CONDOR follow just seconds behind him._

CONDOR: Where are they?

HANSON: The office, I'd suppose

PENHALL: Well they could be bad crooks

HANSON: I'd doubt it

_(HANSON, PENHALL, and CONDOR go to MAIN OFFICE)_

_MAIN OFFICE. LAMPTON, FULLER, HOFFS, MAN, POPPY, KIERA, and KIPP are hiding around the office. The door opens. POPPY visibly flinches, HOFFS attempts to steady her as RACHEL and JOHNNY enter, and take the money box on the desk. LAMPTON, FULLER, and HOFFS jump out of hiding._

FULLER: Freeze! Police!

_(JOHNNY and RACHEL turn to exit, but HANSON, CONDOR, and PENHALL are standing at the doorway)_

HANSON: Hi ya, fellas

_(HANSON steps forward and cuffs RACHEL, as PENHALL cuffs JOHNNY, CONDOR walks over to money box and begins counting the money)_

LAMPTON: God, five of 'em?

HOFFS: I know, I'm running out of handcuffs

PENHALL: Five? We only saw three?

_(FULLER and LAMPTON bring up KIERA and KIPP)_

RACHEL: See! I told you they'd try something!

LAMPTON: Yeah, Rach, but you tried something too

JOHNNY: You're a cop!

LAMPTON: Yeah, that'd be why I'm standing here with the badge holding the suspect

_(HOFFS brings up MAN)_

HOFFS: Let's see who this is

LAMPTON: It's like an episode of Scooby Doo!

_(HOFFS unmasks MAN…it's MARK ANDERSON)_

POPPY: _(Jumping out from her hiding spot)_ Mr. Anderson!

MARK ANDERSON: Shut up, Poppy

HANSON: Who did the first robbery, then?

FULLER: _(Looks around the room)_ I'd say we have a pretty good chance that it's somebody in this room.

KIERA: It's wasn't us!

KIPP: Yeah, I was playing in the game!

KIERA: Poppy put the money away!

POPPY: What are you saying! That I stole the money?

KIERA: Yeah!

POPPY: Oh my god, Kiera! I'm not the one in handcuffs.

JOHNNY: Well we didn't steal the money!

POPPY: Do you have an alibi?

RACHEL: Better then yours, Miss I put the money away but I didn't steal it

LAMPTON: What is it, Rachel?

RACHEL: I'm not talkin' to you, Benedict

LAMPTON: Hey! I'm the one that has been sticking up for you guys all along. I'm the one that's disappointed and hurt, here, Rach. I didn't think you guys were capable of something like this and I convinced everyone else here with a badge that you weren't

JOHNNY: We were at the hospital. Cancer wing.

KIERA: What? Offering free dye jobs?

POPPY: Shut up, Kiera

LAMPTON: Can you verify that?

JOHNNY: Yeah, you have to sign into a log. Me, Rachel, and Jack were all there.

HANSON: Why?

RACHEL: None of your business. All that matters is that we were there and the log will prove that we were there the entire duration of the basketball game.

JOHNNY: Jack, we were there for Jack

LAMPTON: Does he?

JOHNNY: We don't know yet. He was just being tested that night. And since his mom died and his dad is transparent at best, we went with him.

HOFFS: So that leaves Mark Anderson and Poppy the only ones that could take the money

PENHALL: He's been kinda quiet in the corner

MARK ANDERSON: Why would I take the money? I have no motive.

HANSON: Then why were you here, tonight, Mark? Just checking on it? Making sure it was okay? You seem to check on the money a lot, don't you?

LAMPTON: Perhaps you have some financial troubles? Needed a little extra cash to pay off some debts? We can check your finical records, Mark. We have more then enough for a warrant, even if the judge is your best friend.

POPPY: Did you take the money, Mr. Anderson?

_(MARK ANDERSON stays quiet)_

POPPY: Did you?

MARK ANDERSON: Poppy

POPPY: No! Did you or did you not take the money?

FULLER: We don't have time for this, take them all down to the station, book 'em for attempted robbery, and Lampton and Hoffs get the finical records

CONDOR: This may be the wrong time to point this out, but we're missing ten dollars here

_(PENHALL looks at HANSON, who is trying to hide a smile)_

PENHALL: Shameless

HANSON: I prefer passive aggressive

_LATER. JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. HANSON, PENHALL, and CONDOR are taking POPPY'S statement. KIERA, KIPP, and MARK ANDERSON are sitting in the holding cell. HOFFS and LAMPTON enter._

LAMPTON: That's it, we have motive

HOFFS: Anything you'd like to say, Mr. Anderson before we bring charges against you?

MARK ANDERSON: You have nothing without a confession

LAMPTON: Even this _(holds up a bag of money)_ I believe this was in your house, hidden underneath a giant stuffed gorilla in your bedroom.

HANSON: Giant stuffed gorilla?

PENHALL: No wonder he lives alone

KIERA: So are we free to go?

HOFFS: You four are all still in hot water, Kiera. You still tried to steal the safe.

KIERA: Only because we thought they _(points at JOHNNY and RACHEL)_ stole the original money and a bunch of other stuff!

KIPP: We just wanted the school board to finally see it!

JOHNNY: We've never taken anything

RACHEL: Why didn't you just believe us!

KIERA: Oh yea, then what were you doing tonight at the school?

RACHEL: Well if we were going to be blamed for something, we might as well actually do it. We knew the second that money went missing, we'd be blamed and maybe even kicked out of school, despite the lack of compelling evidence

JOHNNY: Why couldn't you guys just believe us?

KIPP: _(to HOFFS) _And why didn't you tell us you were a cop?

RACHEL: Yeah!

JOHNNY: We would have never tried to take the money if we knew something was actually being done to find who really took the money in the first place

LAMPTON: Guys, we never forced your hands in any of this. _(to KIPP, KIERA, and POPPY)_ You three decided to take things into your own hands

HOFFS: _(to JOHNNY and RACHEL)_ And you two decided to finally give in to their stereotype of you. You guys aren't all that different, you know that?

MARK ANDERSON: Oh, for the love of God, could we get over with this Dear Judy moment and move on! Jesus! It's like an episode of Oprah is playing out before my eyes.

HANSON: Can it, would ya?

PENHALL: I think we're gonna need a bigger cell_ (pause)_ And I didn't mean that as a joke, I really meant it. We really do need a bigger holding cell.

RACHEL: No kidding! I can't stand to be near these two any longer!

KIERA: Who says that I want to spend time with you?

POPPY:_ (Shouting)_ Would you two just shut up for one minute!

_(EVERYONE looks at POPPY)_

POPPY: You know, what, I can't believe I got so wrapped up in this whole 'us' and 'them' thing! God! It's wrong, it's immature, it's, it's, well, Mr. Anderson, you're right, it's an episode of Oprah waiting to happen! So you know what, Kiera and Kipp, you two aren't that great and straight laced. God, just last week, Kipp, you used your brother's ID to buy beer for a party where you proceeded to make the entire senior class trashed out of their minds that lead to Evan St. James running his car into a pole! Have you even bothered to visit him in the hospital? He is on your basketball team after all!

KIERA: Yeah, Kipp

POPPY: Oh, don't even get me started on you, Kiera! You're manipulative! You're a bitch! And you shouldn't be damming Rachel and Johnny because you think they stole something! You shoplift every time you go to the mall! I know for a fact that half the clothes you own, you didn't buy, because you couldn't afford them. News flash, get a job!

HOFFS: Poppy

POPPY: No, I'm not finished! And Johnny and Rachel, you two act like your such badasses, when all you're really doing is just being mean! So don't give me this crap that you're a scorned outsider rejected by society because you did that to yourself! And if you would just be the guy and the girl that took their friend and stayed with him in the hospital because he was being tested for cancer, you won't have to be James Dean anymore!

MARK ANDERSON: Are you done yet?

POPPY: No, Mr. Anderson, you know why? Because I haven't said anything to you, yet. You, the guy that pretends to care about his students. You are the biggest disappointment of them all. You've been masquerading around at this great guy for what, ten years, now? And you didn't have the decency to own up to taking the money? Instead you just let them go at it! If anyone is to blame for them getting arrested, it's you! Good luck sleeping, Mr. Anderson, I don't know how you've done it so far, but something tells me that somewhere in your absolute scum personality, you have a conscience that will keep you up.

_LATER. CONDOR, LAMPTON, IOKI, "BLOWFISH", HANSON, PENHALL, HOFFS, and FULLER are sitting around the conference table. The HOLDING CELL now just has MARK ANDERSON in it._

HOFFS: Poppy finally lost it

LAMPTON: I felt bad for her, she seemed like such a sweet girl and then have that thrown at her

HANSON: Well, that's life

LAMPTON: You think the DA is going to prosecute?

FULLER: If you asking whether or not we leave out key information that could lead to a rather ugly mark on their records or even a stint in JV, no. If you asking whether we could recommend strongly that the DA doesn't prosecute, is up to you

LAMPTON: I may accidentally run into one of their guys sometime in the near future

IOKI: Where at?

LAMPTON: Their office, silly. I wouldn't know a DA from a firefighter at the grocery store!

PENHALL: _(to HANSON)_ Well, we gotta get Anderson down to the main prescient, and he isn't moving himself.

HANSON: You sure? Maybe if we used our combined mental skills we could teleport him there

FULLER:_ (Looking angry)_ I'm sending you a mental message right now, you get it, Hanson?

HANSON: Vaguely

PENHALL: You guys want to meet up for pizza later?

IOKI: I'm in, usual?

PENHALL: 'Course. Sal?

"BLOWFISH": Can't.

PENHALL: Jude?

HOFFS: Sure thing

PENHALL: So that leaves Hanson, Captain, and Lampton? You three in or out?

HANSON: In

FULLER: Yea, sure, why not?

LAMPTON: Can't, I've been away from my daughter for almost a full day now. I have abandonment issues to consider.

PENHALL: All right, fair enough. We'll see the rest of you there, all right?

FULLER: Penhall, would you just bring Anderson down to the jail all ready?

PENHALL: Of course, Coach. Whatda think I'm doing?

FULLER: Stalling

HANSON: Him? Stall? Never.

PENHALL: Shut up, I saved your butt with your mother earlier, remember that? I vaguely remember you saying something about being eternally grateful.

HANSON: That was before you mentioned the drag case

PENHALL: And it is so worth it

_(HANSON, PENHALL, and MARK ANDERSON exit)_

HOFFS: Well, I think I'm gonna take this paper work and curl up on my couch at home for awhile. I'll see you all tomorrow, except for you, Eli, it was great working with you again

CONDOR: Same with you, Judy

_(HOFFS exits)_

"BLOWFISH":_ (to IOKI and FULLER)_ Hey you two wanna go down to the bar and watch some of that Pistons game?

IOKI: I could go for that, I've got nothing to do

FULLER: Yeah, Sal, that sounds great.

"BLOWFISH": And Priss, you're more then welcome to come along, I just figured that you'd want to go home

LAMPTON: I thought you had to

"BLOWFISH": I still got an hour

LAMPTON: Before curfew

"BLOWFISH": I live in my own personal hell

LAMPTON: See you tomorrow, Sal, Captain, Ioki

IOKI, FULLER, "BLOWFISH": Bye

_(IOKI, FULLER, and "BLOWFISH" exit)_

CONDOR: Interesting case, huh?

LAMPTON: Kind of intense at the end

CONDOR: Yeah, I thought that girl was gonna pop a vein or something

LAMPTON: It happens. You hold something back for so long, then by the time it finally comes out, it sort of explodes

CONDOR: You talking from personal experience?

LAMPTON: Yeah, a little

_OUTSIDE. HANSON and PENHALL are putting MARK ANDERSON in the back of HANSON'S car. HANSON moves back towards the CHAPEL._

PENHALL: Whatda forget?

HANSON: My hat!

PENHALL: Hurry up!

_HANSON enters quietly back into the CHAPEL. He overhears the conversation between CONDOR and LAMPTON._

CONDOR: So, you maybe wanna go out sometime? Celebrate our two closed cases?

LAMPTON: Sure, sure, that'd be nice

_HANSON looks upset and exits CHAPEL without hat._

PENHALL: I thought you went to go and get your hat

HANSON: Couldn't find it, let's go

_(HANSON and PENHALL get into the car and drive off)_

_END CREDITS._

* * *

**_Please Review.  
Updates up soon._**


	7. 4: It's All Fun and Games, part 1

_Thanks go out to: **Derangedfangirl, Ghostwriter, **and** Magz**_

* * *

**21 JUMPSTREET **

**_It's All Fun and Games_**

_HUNTER CLEVINS and YVETTE COLE are at a party drinking with a large group of friends, then they stumble out together, laughing, and head into a car. HUNTER starts up the engine and drives off poorly, nearly hitting another couple as they exit. They continue to drive and laugh, then HUNTER and YVETTE kiss, the car begins drifting into the other lane, by the time they pull apart they're headed dead on for a semi truck, YVETTE screams as the two cars impact._

_OPENING CREDITS._

_JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. HOFFS and LAMPTON are sitting at the conference table, HOFFS is painting LAMPTON'S nails, LAMPTON is also sporting a new brunette hair color. IOKI is sitting at his desk reading a book. HANSON and PENHHALL enter, PENHALL carrying takeout and HANSON carrying a small shopping bag._

HANSON: Bought you something, Priss _(Tosses down a nicotine patch pack in front of LAMPTON) _You had to have smoked at least twenty packs for the last case, thought you could use it to fight the urges

LAMPTON: _(Angrily) _And what makes you think I'm having urges

PENHALL: Besides your lovely demeanor?

_(HANSON picks up her purse and pulls out a pack of cigarettes)_

HANSON: I think we rest our case

LAMPTON: I must have left them in there. Accidentally.

HANSON: So when you said you were going to the bathroom and I saw you outside smoking one of these babies you were?

LAMPTON: Reminiscing

PENHALL: Wrong

LAMPTON: Fine_ (Opens package)_ Now how does this thing work?

HOFFS: Oh, I've done this, lift up your shirt

_(IOKI closes his book and looks up)_

IOKI: Need any help?

LAMPTON: Back off

HOFFS: _(Places one patch on LAMPTON'S lower stomach)_ There you go

LAMPTON: Oh sweet relief

PENHALL: Now do you promise to be nice to us?

LAMPTON: I was nice to her_ (points at HOFFS)_

HOFFS: That's true, she was only irritable around you guys. I wonder if there's a reason behind that

PENHALL: And why would she be irritable around us?

LAMPTON: Because you were annoying me

HANSON: Makes sense_ (looks at PENHALL)_ Can we eat now? I'm starving.

PENHALL: Sure _(Passes out food)_

_(FULLER enters)_

FULLER: Hanson, Penhall, I've got a case for you guys

PENHALL: What's up, coach?

FULLER: Come with me to my office

_(HANSON is about to take a bite of his hamburger)_

FULLER: I meant now, Hanson

HANSON: But

_(PENHALL begins moving towards FULLER'S OFFICE holding his burger)_

FULLER: And no food in my office, Penhall

PENHALL: Captain

FULLER: Let's go. Now.

_FULLER'S OFFICE. HANSON and PENHALL are sitting in the chairs across from FULLER'S desk flipping through a file. FULLER sits behind his desk._

FULLER: Hunter Clevins and Yvette Cole are the seventh causalities that Hopkins High School has seen over these past two years. All related to drinking and driving.

PENHALL: Was that the thing with the semi?

FULLER: Yeah

HANSON: Seventh?

FULLER: Unfortunately

PENHALL: And you want us to find where they're getting all this alcohol

FULLER: There have been reports of bars serving underage kids, that they get it from older siblings, from a keg company that doesn't check ID, having fake ID's, the works. Nothing has been able to stick, though

HANSON: Any leads we should follow?

FULLER: The school included a list of students who have had DUI's

PENHALL: _(Flips through list)_ This is like half the school

FULLER: I know

HANSON: How are we supposed to befriend half the school?

FULLER: Be likable

_HOPKINS HIGH SCHOOL. HANSON and PENHALL are sitting in the main office filling out paper work. MIRANDA NICHOLS enters the OFFICE, dressed in all black, and talks to SECRETARY._

SECRETARY: Miranda, how are you?

MIRANDA: I'll be okay

SECRETARY: Are you sure? I mean you can always take a personal day, I don't think anyone would object

MIRANDA: No, I think the best thing for me right now is to be around people. Really, I'll be all right, but thank-you for asking.

_(HANSON nudges PENHALL)_

HANSON: _(Whispering)_ I think she knew the victims

PENHALL: You think?

SECRETARY: Oh, are you two finished?

HANSON: Just a few more blanks, m'am

PENHALL: We'll be just a minute

MIRANDA: Are you two new here?

HANSON: Yeah, just moved a couple of days ago

MIRANDA: I'm Miranda Nichols, welcome to Hopkins

PENHALL: Thanks, I'm Doug and this here is my adorable little brother Tommy

MIRANDA: Well, I guess I'll see you both around then

HANSON: I guess so, Miranda

SECRETARY: Unless you want to take that personal day

MIRANDA: No, no, I couldn't

SECRETARY: Well, come to me if you change your mind. Even if it's halfway through the day. I'll take care of it, all right, Miranda?

MIRANDA: Yeah, all right. Thank-you, it really means a lot to me that you'd even offer something like that to me.

SECRETARY: Don't mention it

_(MIRANDA exits)_

PENHALL: Are you finished yet, Tommy?

HANSON: Almost

PENHALL: You're slow

HANSON: I'm thorough

SECRETARY: You boys can just put them right up here when you're finished, I've got to go and print off you're schedules

_(SECRETARY exits)_

PENHALL: So, Tommy my boy, we've got an in

HANSON What did you put down for your parents?

PENHALL: I put your information down

HANSON: All right. Wait, how do you know my information?

PENHALL: What kind of partner would I be if I didn't know everything about your parents?

HANSON: A normal one

_(SECRETARY re-enters)_

SECRETARY: All right, boys, you finished?

PENHALL and HANSON: Yes, m'am

SECRETARY: Then I'll need those papers

PENHALL: If you insist

_LATER. HANSON and PENHALL are sitting in the parking lot leaning on HANSON'S CAR observing the students._

HANSON: So, Miranda Nichols, we should run a background check on her

PENHALL: Why? She can't be bringing the stuff in, she's under twenty-one.

HANSON: But she must know something if she was close enough to the victims for the school secretary to be concerned about her.

PENHALL: Maybe you're right

HANSON: I'm always right

PENHALL: Doubtful

HANSON: _(Hits PENHALL)_ Loser

PENHALL: You hit me

HANSON: You're still a mean, mean, loser

(MIRANDA approaches)

MIRANDA: Hi ya, boys

HANSON: Hey, Miranda, right?

MIRANDA: Guilty as charged _(leans in closely)_ Would you like to join me for a after-school feel good? Y'know, take off the edge from that impending chemistry test tomorrow

PENHALL: Well, I don't know about you, but I am a chemistry ace. They used to call me Mr. Chemistry at our old school. Y'know, give me an element and I'll give you an atomic number

MIRANDA: The test is over balancing chemical equations

PENHALL: Oh, well, after that periodic table I'm a bit lost

HANSON: You? Mr. Chemistry?

PENHALL: Shut up

HANSON: I'd love to take the edge off with you. Honestly, my hands have been shaking ever since he mentioned the word test. I'm stopping them now only as a weak ploy to try and impress you.

MIRANDA: Oh, really? Well, I'm flattered, really, Thomas, but I prefer Chemistry aces like your brother over chickens

HANSON: Oh, is that so?

PENHALL: Apparently it is. So, Miranda, may I escort you to wherever it is we're going. Perhaps offer you a ride in our humble, yet reliable motor vehicle?

MIRANDA: Can I bring along my friends?

PENHALL: Any friend of yours, is a friend of mine_ (HANSON nudges PENHALL)_ Ours

MIRANDA: Then I'd be honored _(Motions to ERIC LEAMON, CARTER LOHNER, and STELLA MCCARHTY)_

_(ERIC, CARTER, and STELLA approach)_

MIRANDA: All right, we've got Eric Leamon, the current holder of our beer pong championship we hold every weekend, Carter Lohner, who has never won due to an apparent lack of talent in the beer ponging department, and Stella McCarthy, the only other one without a "Y" chromosome, but that doesn't hold her back any when it comes to our weekly competitions, she has held the title a few weeks herself

HANSON: Howdy

PENHALL: Are you sure you can all fit in the car?

MIRANDA: Yeah, we do it all the time

_(STELLA, ERIC, CARTER, and MIRANDA pile into the back of HANSON'S CAR. HANSON looks at PENHALL and they shrug, then climb into the car and pull out of the parking lot)_

_INSIDE HANSON'S CAR._

HANSON: Where are we going?

MIRANDA: Just drive, I'll tell you where to go

HANSON: Why? Don't trust me?

PENHALL: He has such an honest face

STELLA: God, I'm so glad to be out of there! If I got more one sympathetic pat on the back from a teacher I swear I was gonna hit them!

CARTER: Let me guess, they offered their condolences, and told you that if you ever needed anyone to talk to

CARTER and ERIC: They'd be there for you

STELLA: Eck, it was like a funeral or something

PENHALL: What happened?

HANSON: He means, sorry, I didn't mean to pry into you're personal lives, girl we just met, but would you be so kind as to explain in simple terms, he gets easily confused, what the hell you're talking about?

MIRANDA: Why the hell should we tell you anything?

PENHALL: We're currently in control of your lives

ERIC: Good reasoning, my friend. I see a beautiful friendship on the horizon.

PENHALL: I'm touched

STELLA: Our two best friends were just in a car accident

PENHALL: Oh, I'm

STELLA:_ (Interrupting him)_ Don't

PENHALL: It slipped

HANSON: He's got a sympathetic streak in him, this one. I've tried to break him of it, but as you can see, no results. I'm thinking shock therapy next.

STELLA: I'd like to help you in that endeavor, Tommy

HANSON: How'd you know my name?

MIRANDA: I filled her in. What? You didn't think I'd let my friends get into cars with total strangers, did you?

HANSON: And knowing my name takes the stranger part out of the equation?

MIRANDA: No, just the total part

HANSON: I see

CARTER: Turn here

HANSON: Which way?

CARTER: Right

(HANSON turns car right on to a strictly residential street)

ERIC: And pull up here _(points to STELLA'S HOUSE)_

_(HANSON pulls in front of STELLA'S HOUSE and parks)_

STELLA: There's no place like home

_(MIRANDA, ERIC, CARTER, STELLA, HANSON, and PENHALL get out of the car and walk up towards HOUSE)_

PENHALL: This is your house?

STELLA:_ (to HANSON)_ Wanna start that shock therapy this afternoon or tomorrow?

HANSON: Let's give him a day to prepare himself

PENHALL: Okay, guys, the joke was funny at first, really, but now you're kinda scaring me. And those looks don't exactly help either. Stop it. Stop looking at me.

MIRANDA: I think we've got something inside to calm those nerves of yours, Dougie

PENHALL: As long as they stay as far away from me as possible, I'm good

HANSON: I'm your brother

PENHALL: Five feet! That's all I ask of you. Five feet.

_PIZZERIA. CONDOR is sitting at a table with a large pepperoni pizza. LAMPTON enters and walks over to the table._

LAMPTON: I'm sorry I'm late! _(Kisses his cheek then takes a seat across from him at the table)_

CONDOR: Well, it would be sad to be stood up on a second date

LAMPTON: Legendary, however

CONDOR: I think it would go down right before your memorable interrogation in my memoir of life oddities and misadventures

LAMPTON: You mean embarrassments

CONDOR: No, I mean oddities and misadventures. It sounds nicer.

LAMPTON: And slightly sadder

CONDOR: Shut up and eat your pizza

LAMPTON: Romantic, working towards the third date, are we?

CONDOR: Always

_(LAMPTON takes a slice of pizza)_

CONDOR: So, I was thinking, I remembered you talking about how you take Emma bowling Tuesday nights

LAMPTON: Yeah, usually Tom comes with us. Emma loves it, she even wrote a little short story about it for school. It was cute. She drew out all of these pictures, and didn't even mention my usual gutter streak because she won't allow bumpers. Apparently they're cheating or something.

CONDOR: Yeah, yeah, I was wondering though, maybe I could take you two this time. Since it's so important to her and all.

LAMPTON: Oh, Eli

CONDOR: What?

LAMPTON: I probably should have told you this on our first date

CONDOR: What? Does she hate me or something? I mean we only met once and I don't think I could even get a word in edgewise

LAMPTON: No, no, it's not that. I just, I just don't want her getting attached to you.

CONDOR: Whatda mean?

LAMPTON: Emma's seven. She gets attached to people. And then when they're not around anymore, she's hurt by it.

CONDOR: What makes you think I'm not gonna be around?

LAMPTON: Experience

CONDOR: It only takes one

LAMPTON: Eli, it's our second date. You really think you can make the lifetime commitment to me?

CONDOR: Well

LAMPTON: See? Look, if this does get serious, then I would want you and Emma to get to know each other. But until then, I don't want her knowing you as anything other then a work associate. Okay?

CONDOR: All right

_(They eat in silence)_

LAMPTON: Now that I've officially killed the conversation

CONDOR: You didn't kill the conversation

LAMPTON: Hello? What is this?

CONDOR: Conversation

LAMPTON: About how there is no conversation

CONDOR: Yes, an interesting take, really

_STELLA'S HOUSE. PENHALL, CARTER, ERIC, STELLA, and HANSON are sitting around the living room drinking._

HANSON: Hey, where'd Miranda go?

STELLA: To study the blades of grass and their affects on the human body.

HANSON: What?

CARTER: She needs a feel good

PENHALL: Oh you mean _(makes a smoking motion)_

STELLA: So, he is astute!

HANSON: He does surprise me every so often

PENHALL: Hey!

HANSON: I think I might go and join her

STELLA: Why?

HANSON: You should never study alone

ERIC: He's got the hots for her

HANSON: Oh, come on

ERIC: It's okay. Miranda's hot. I think I have the hots for her. But, you should know, that five minutes ago I thought I was wearing a dress and my name was Barbara.

PENHALL: Seriously?

ERIC: Well my brain cells are steady decreasing, so some things are a bit hazy

HANSON: Whatever, hand me another beer

CARTER: Good man, you should never go sneak up on a lady without a refreshment to distract them from the fact that you're completely and totally checking them out because you have the hots for them

STELLA:_ (hands HANSON a second beer)_ Ignore him, he has no tolerance

HANSON: I noticed. He's gonna have a hard time in college

STELLA: We pray for him daily

_OUTSIDE on BACK PORCH. MIRANDA who is blatantly out of it is sitting outside smoking a joint with her back to HANSON. HANSON walks out on to porch and over to her._

HANSON: You should never smoke alone, people will start talking, y'know?

MIRANDA: People already talk. Why not make the talk true?

HANSON: _(Hands MIRANDA the beer)_ Thought you could use a break

MIRANDA: Because this will do wonders for my liver?

HANSON: You can always get a new liver

MIRANDA: And you can't get a new brain, I know, I know

HANSON: You okay?

MIRANDA: What's it to you?

HANSON: Well you're sitting alone on the back porch of one of your friend's house while the rest of your friends are having a party in the living room, without you, which said party includes two brothers that you met this morning in the school office.

MIRANDA: It's called grieving, try it, won't you?

HANSON: What happened?

MIRANDA: It's none of your business

HANSON: Well I gave you a ride and I trusted you to give me directions for said ride, so I think it's you're turn to trust me with something

MIRANDA: I trusted you with my life, isn't that enough?

HANSON: That was a calculated risk on your part. This is much more spontaneous.

MIRANDA: My two best friends just died in a car accident

HANSON: When?

MIRANDA: Last week Friday at two twenty three AM at the intersection of Western and Boston Road. EMT's pronounced. I received a phone call the next morning at exactly eight forty two from Yvette's step mom. Enough truth?

HANSON: Miranda, that's a lot to deal with

MIRANDA: And I've got my therapy right here _(Holds up beer)_

HANSON: Isn't there someone you can talk to? What about your other friends?

MIRANDA: Carter is just a little rich boy who is completely and totally devoid of all emotions save the ones he feels for his car, which he is currently mourning the loss of. And Eric can't even manage to say 'I love you' to his own mother, so I doubt he'd be good at the touchy-feely, lets get our emotions in check conversation. And Stella's Stella. She's become so numb to these sorts of things that I doubt that girl feels anything anymore.

HANSON: Talk to me, then

MIRANDA: Ha, yeah, right. Tommy, you're a funny man. Kinda girly too.

HANSON: I'm not girly

MIRANDA: Oh, yes you are. You just don't want to admit it.

HANSON: So what does that make you?

MIRANDA: A very brave female

HANSON: So basically your Xena

MIRANDA: Minus the high kicks and the annoying yell, yeah

HANSON: And this works for you?

MIRANDA: It has too

HANSON: Can I sit with you?

MIRANDA: You don't have to ask. I don't own the porch. I don't even own the house. So a guest cannot tell another guest what to do in somebody else's house._ (Pause)_ Unless the first guest is the wife of the second. Then she can tell the second guest what to do whenever and where ever she wants.

HANSON: Ah, spoken like a true feminist

MIRANDA: What can I say? My mom read me The Feminine Mystique as a bedtime story. I had no chance at being a housewife

HANSON: Well the drinking certainly adds to a disgruntled housewife appearance. I mean, look at Scarlett O'Hara, she took up the liquor.

MIRANDA: You're comparing me to a literary character? And not just any literary character, but a screwed up literary character?

HANSON: You called me a girl

MIRANDA: I think I'm starting to like you, Tommy

HANSON: Starting?

MIRANDA: I'm not a very friendly person. Real guarded.

HANSON: Keep knocking a couple more of these back, and you will be an extremely friendly person. In fact, I think I'll be your best friend, maybe even get some benefits.

MIRANDA: Keep dreaming, Tommy. It's never gonna happen, drunk or sober.

HANSON: Well, can't blame a guy for trying, can you?

MIRANDA: Not with me, you can't

HANSON: _(Takes bottle away)_ All right, I think you've had enough

MIRANDA: _(Takes bottle back)_ No, I'm fine _(mispronounces as "pine")_

HANSON: When you say fine with a 'p', your not fine. In fact, you're a tree.

MIRANDA: You're funny

HANSON: You're drunk

MIRANDA: I'm not drunk enough

HANSON: And when that's gonna be?

MIRANDA: When I can't remember Yvette and Hunter

HANSON: I don't think you could ever forget them, Miranda. Maybe you shouldn't even try to forget them. _(Pause)_ Maybe I should take you home now

MIRANDA: No

HANSON: Miranda, you've had enough

MIRANDA: No I haven't! I can still remember them! I haven't had enough until I can't! Then I'll stop! I promise. I'll stop then.

HANSON: Miranda

MIRANDA:_ (Starts to cry)_ I should have stopped them, I could have stopped them. Why didn't I stop them? Why'd that have to happen?

HANSON: It's not your fault

MIRANDA: _(Crying)_ They're dead, Tom, dead. They were my best friends, and they're dead. And I didn't do anything to stop them! Nothing!

HANSON: Things happen, Miranda. You can't change that.

_LATER. JUMP STREET CHAPEL. LAMPTON and HOFFS are sitting at HOFFS' DESK talking. IOKI and "BLOWFISH" are playing cards nearby._

HOFFS: So, you went on a second date, huh?

LAMPTON: Yeah, he's a pretty sweet guy, actually. Despite his current status in the Police rankings.

HOFFS: Yeah, narcotics guys usually aren't a dream

LAMPTON: I think it has something to do with who they're surrounded by all day. I mean, that has to rub off on you

IOKI: Kinda like how the teenagers rub off on us

HOFFS: The teenagers don't rub off on us

IOKI: So those cokes and that bag of cheese curls you girls are sharing are apart of every twenty-something year-old girls diets?

_(LAMPTON and HOFFS freeze)_

"BLOWFISH": You know, I don't think I've eaten a cheese curl since the eighth grade. I used to really like those. _(Walks over and eats one)_ Hmm, just a good as I remember.

LAMPTON: You see! They should be apart of every twenty-somethings' diet!

IOKI: You keep telling yourself that

"BLOWFISH": Call me when that metabolism goes out. Then you will share my pain. _(Eats another cheese curl)_

HOFFS: Then why are you eating our cheese curls?

"BLOWFISH": I've lost all hope

HOFFS: _(to LAMPTON)_ Anyways, back to the topic, here. What else happened on your second date?

LAMPTON: Now I'm starting to feel like I'm actually in high school

HOFFS: I'm living vicariously through you. Spill.

LAMPTON: What about Penhall?

HOFFS: What about Penhall?

LAMPTON: Good point. I can spare some details.

HOFFS: Spare away

LAMPTON: Well, one sore point was Emma

HOFFS: You had a sore point on the second date? About the most adorable little girl I've ever met and have contemplated kidnapping on several occasions?

LAMPTON: Kidnapping?

HOFFS: Figure of speech

LAMPTON: Yeah, just to let you know, I don't think I'm going to be leaving you alone with Emma a whole heck of a lot, okay?

HOFFS: Just tell

LAMPTON: He wanted to come with me and Emma bowling on Tuesdays

HOFFS: So?

LAMPTON: I don't want Emma getting attached

HOFFS: You bring Hanson

LAMPTON: Hanson is a certainly. I work with him. I'm friends with him. Even if we move to different departments tomorrow, we're gonna stay in touch guaranteed. He's not going anywhere.

HOFFS: You can say that again

LAMPTON: Huh?

HOFFS: Just re-emphasizing your point

LAMPTON: Okay

HOFFS: So, I take it Condor didn't take that decision too well?

LAMPTON: He was okay with it until I said that Hanson would still be going with us, if he wanted

HOFFS: Oh

LAMPTON: What?

HOFFS: Well, you and Hanson are close

LAMPTON: Yeah, friendly close

HOFFS: Well Condor may not understand that

IOKI: You have to spell it out for guys

"BLOWFISH": Very true. My wife had this guy best friend when we were dating back in high school, and I hated his guts. I was convinced that he was trying to steal her from me. I mean every time I talked to this guy, he was just egging me on, to the point where I wanted to meet him out at the flagpole kind of egging/

LAMPTON: What happened?

"BLOWFISH": Well it turns out the guy was a one-man gay-pride parade, but the point is still the same. My wife just sat me down, told me what's what, and the insane jealously stopped.

LAMPTON: If only Hanson was gay. That would make everything easier.

IOKI: For you or for Hanson?

LAMPTON: Hello, me. That's who we're talking about here. Hanson just happens to be involved in the conversation.

IOKI: My mistake

LAMPTON: You think Condor would buy that Hanson was gay?

HOFFS: Probably not

"BLOWFISH": Well the way that he and Penhall sometimes are

HOFFS: Nobody would buy that Penhall was gay

IOKI: You never know, Jude, he could be putting up a front to protect himself from a otherwise unforgiving and judgmental society

LAMPTON: You seem rather familiar with this concept, Harry. Something you'd like to share with the group?

IOKI: I'm not gay

"BLOWFISH": He does seem to care an awful lot about his appearance

LAMPTON: You know what, I've noticed that too

HOFFS: His hair is never out of place

"BLOWFISH": Belt always matches his shoes

IOKI: I'm not! I'm not! I'm not!

HOFFS: You know, denying it will only hurt you, Harry

LAMPTON: We are an open and accepting group, Harry

IOKI: Shut up

_(FULLER enters)_

FULLER: Hey, aren't you people supposed to be doing some work

LAMPTON: No

FULLER: You think maybe you should find some work?

HOFFS: We're attempting to help Harry come out of the closest

"BLOWFISH": It's a harsh world, Captain. We need him to understand that we are here for him.

FULLER: Oh, well, carry on then

IOKI: I'm not gay!

FULLER: Sure your not

_(FULLER walks into OFFICE and closes door)_

IOKI: Captain! I'm not!

LAMPTON:_ (to HOFFS)_ So, should I explain this whole why Hanson can see Emma but Eli can't see Emma to Eli, or let him figure it out by himself, and the whole friendship thing that's between me and Hanson, or what?

PENHALL: _(At the same time as HOFFS)_ You should explain

HOFFS: _(At the same time as PENHALL)_ He should understand

LAMPTON: Helpful. Ioki?

IOKI: Well, I'm apparently gay and therefore have no standing on this conversation

PENHALL: _(Slaps IOKI on the back)_ Good of you to admit it, Iokage

LAMPTON: Sal? You're married, you're wife had that friend! You gotta know, Sal!

"BLOWFISH": You need to talk to him. He'll go crazy otherwise.

PENHALL: He's already pretty crazy

HOFFS: Yeah, no need to push him any further

LAMPTON: I know

"BLOWFISH": Then why are you still sitting here?

LAMPTON: I hate confrontation

IOKI: That's your job

_STELLA'S HOUSE, OUTSIDE PORCH. HANSON and MIRANDA are sitting in the same places, continuing their conversation._

MIRANDA: I've known Yvette for years. _(Pause)_ Knew. I knew Yvette for years. Met on the first day of first grade and were inseparable ever since. Even with the advent of boyfriends and cliques and high school, we were still best friends. I remember she used to love this one headband. It was this dorky little pink princess headband with glitter, and rhinestones, and lace and fuzz. She wore that every day in first grade. And this one girl, Amanda, the little twit hasn't changed really, tried to make fun of her headband because it was so little kiddish, even though were all little kids, and Yvette just took it. She just sat there and smiled. It didn't even phase her. That's just the kind of girl she was, y'know? It didn't matter what other people thought. It just mattered what she thought. And if she wanted to wear and ugly princess headband, then she'd ware that ugly princess headband until she didn't want to wear it anymore.

HANSON: She sounds like a cool girl

MIRANDA: And she is! _(Pause)_ Was. She was a cool girl. The best. _(Pause)_ Damn, I'm never gonna get used to that. The past tense, I mean. God, I feel like she's just late or somethin'. Like she'll be walkin' through that door at any minute saying how sorry she was for being so late _(chuckles slightly)_ God, how stupid is that.

HANSON: It's not stupid

MIRANDA: You lost your dad, right? You know what I mean.

HANSON: Yeah, I know what you mean.

MIRANDA: How'd you ever get over it?

HANSON: I just did

MIRANDA: But what did you do? Did you talk about it? That's always what shrinks want you to do. Talk about your feelings. I hate talking about feelings.

HANSON: Me too

MIRANDA: Don't they get it? You're sad. That's to be expected! There's no deeper meaning in that!

HANSON: Have you been seeing a shrink?

MIRANDA: Yeah, parents made me. Thought it would help with the shock of losing my best friend. _(Chuckles slightly)_ Help with the shock.

HANSON: And your solution is to drink it away?

MIRANDA: Isn't that what your doing?

HANSON: That's not gonna solve anything, Miranda. It's not gonna make the pain stop, or bring Yvette back.

MIRANDA: Then why are you out on this porch with me? Are you so okay with your father's death that every time you open a beer it's just because your thirsty and not because you want to forget for awhile? Y'know, doctors give people morphine all the time to alleviate pain. What's so wrong with alcohol? It does the same thing. I'm just self-medicating, baby.

_(HANSON and MIRANDA sit in silence for a little while. MIRANDA begins to cry again. HANSON hugs MIRANDA and attempts to sooth her)._

_LATER. JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. HANSON and PENHALL walk in. "BLOWFISH", IOKI, and FULLER are sitting around the conference table. HOFFS and LAMPTON are sitting at HOFF'S DESK._

PENHALL: Those are some messed up kids, man

HANSON: See if you can get arrest records for them, Doug. I have a feeling there will be a bit of a history between our young ruffians and the police department

PENHALL: Yeah, sure, but why? We're just trying to get the connection.

HANSON: Look at the police reports and where they were picked up. Now that we've got names, maybe we can find a trend.

PENHALL: Okay

HOFFS: Ask him

LAMPTON: I don't want to include more people in this

IOKI: Too late, ask him all ready

PENHALL: Ask who what?

HOFFS: Not you!

PENHALL: Well, jeez, just trying to figure out what the heck you three are talkin' about

LAMPTON: Hanson, why do you go bowling with me and Emma on Tuesdays?

HANSON: I like bowling, I like Emma, and you're okay

LAMPTON: I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that last part. But the idea behind it is exactly what I told him! Maybe I should just have Hanson tell him himself, y'know? Prove that there's nothing more going on then two friends who like bowling, and one just happens to have a kid that also really likes bowling. And shouldn't parents encourage their kids to be in sports? He'd understand if Hanson told him. Man, to man, right?

"BLOWFISH": Nope, you could have prompted it out of him

HOFFS: You're paranoid

"BLOWFISH": Protective

LAMPTON: What are you a caveman?

HOFFS: All men are cavemen on some level

IOKI: I resent that

LAMPTON: How does that affect you? You're a girly man.

PENHALL: What are you guys talking about?

HOFFS: Condor is jealous of Hanson and Lampton's friendship.

LAMPTON: He is not jealous! He's just upset.

PENHALL: So he's jealous?

LAMPTON: Jealously implies that there is something going on between me and Hanson besides friendship or the potential for something more to happen, and there isn't! We're partners! Hasn't he ever had a partner before?

PENHALL: Well, those guys down at narcotics aren't exactly friendly types, y'know? They work with their partners only to bust criminals, so they don't understand the whole partner bonding outside work thing, y'know? But that's besides the main point, which is Hanson is my partner.

HANSON: You mind working on the case, partner?

FULLER: Maybe you're not as close with your partner as you thought, Penhall. I'm sensing some anger there in Hanson's voice.

PENHALL: I think I better work on the case

FULLER: You thought right

LAMPTON: This is stupid. Why are we even still talking about this. Condor's just being stupid.

IOKI: Condor? You're dating this man. I think you can call him by his first name now.

LAMPTON: Not when he's being stupid, then I, as the girlfriend, am free to call him whatever I want

HOFFS: Very true

IOKI: Serious?

LAMPTON: Ever heard of girl talk?

"BLOWFISH": By including us are you implying that you think of us as girls?

HOFFS: Basically

LAMPTON: Like a big sister type, almost

IOKI: Well aren't you two just hilarious

_(CONDOR enters)_

LAMPTON: Eli?

CONDOR: I thought we had a date today

LAMPTON:_ (Looks at watch)_ Oh my gosh, I didn't even realize! Eli, I'm so sorry!

CONDOR: It's all right

LAMPTON: Can you give me like ten minutes to finish everything up here then we can go _(pause)_ well were we were planning on going

_(LAMPTON stands up and begins shuffling through papers, signing various things, finishing writing on other things, filing, etc)_

CONDOR: To see that new Tom Cruise movie, y'know, the one that you kept talking about wanting to see at lunch yesterday

LAMPTON: Oh yeah! I'm sorry, a lot goin' on right now, work wise!

FULLER: It's all right, Lampton, we don't have anything else coming in. You can finish up your paperwork tomorrow, if you want.

LAMPTON: Thanks, Captain, but I just can't stand getting behind on stuff, y'know?

HOFFS: I can put those away for you

LAMPTON: I have a system

CONDOR: Do you want me to just come back, they have another showing in an hour

LAMPTON: No, no, we had a plan to watch this movie, and we're gonna watch this movie! I hate being that girl

HANSON: It's probably best not to argue the point anymore, Condor, she's one stubborn broad.

LAMPTON: I'm a broad now?

PENHALL: Stop it, you're distracting her, Hanson

HANSON: From what? A mad frenzy of paperwork filing in order to make a seven o'clock date

PENHALL: It's seven o'clock?

"BLOWFISH": Seriously? I better be paid over time.

FULLER: You're playing cards, Sal

"BLOWFISH": But I'm here, and with the upcoming Christmas season, I could use the overtime pay

IOKI: Wife on the rampage again?

"BLOWFISH": Yeah, I forgot her mother's birthday or half birthday or something, and that was grounds for yelling, and then the yelling for not understanding the yelling, and the overtime would really make up for all of that.

FULLER: I'll put a good word in for you in the department. Maybe since you're the only janitor cleaning this place you can get a raise or at least a hefty bonus

"BLOWFISH": Ah, thanks, Captain

FULLER: Just stop playing cards so much and start cleaning more often, won't ya? Then you'll at least make it look like it's a big job to have only one janitor here but not so big that we need a second one.

"BLOWFISH": Ingenious, Captain

LAMPTON: Finished! I'm done! All right, all right, Condor, we can go!

CONDOR: All right, we

LAMPTON: _(Interrupting)_ Wait

CONDOR: What?

LAMPTON: Emma

CONDOR: And?

LAMPTON: Phoebe has a date tonight and she's already watched Emma three times this week and that'd be asking her a lot to skip out on her boyfriend for me again. Well, that and the fact that I think Emma's gonna start to get confused about who the real mommy is, I mean I swear she was gonna grow up calling Phoebe mommy because of how much time Phoebe spent around her, but that's besides the point.

CONDOR: _(Chuckling slightly)_ Okay, can't you just have someone else babysit?

LAMPTON: No, I haven't seen my daughter for longer then two hour periods in four days. Can we just take a raincheck for that movie? Maybe we could go next week. These lunch dates really work out better for me.

CONDOR: All right, I'll, ah, I'll give you a call

LAMPTON: Thank-you _(kisses CONDOR on the cheek)_

CONDOR: It was nice seeing all of you

HANSON: Ah-huh, Condor.

CONDOR: Bye

_(CONDOR exits)_

HOFFS: Harsh

LAMPTON: What?

IOKI: A kiss on the cheek?

LAMPTON: What did you want us to just got at it in front of you

PENHALL: Well

HOFFS: Penhall!

PENHALL: Well she could have at least given the guy a quick peck on the lips! I've had steamier kisses with my mother!

"BLOWFISH": That just sounds bad

PENHALL: You know what I mean. That kiss had nothing! And calling him Condor! Ouch!

LAMPTON: I called him Condor?

HOFFS: Yeah, right before you took a raincheck

LAMPTON: Oh come on, you can't blame me for the raincheck

IOKI: You also forgot about the date

LAMPTON: I happen to be juggling a lot of balls in the air right now, every so often one of them just happens to slip through

FULLER: Still, you want the girl that you're dating to remember the fact that you have a date on the night of the date. Especially in the beginning of a relationship.

PENHALL: No kidding. You just told that poor guy that he's not memorable enough to compete with work, that you think of him as a friend by calling him by his last name, and you're not attracted to him enough to give him more then just a steamless peck on the cheek

IOKI: I don't think both lips even made contact

FULLER: Poor guy

LAMPTON: Oh shut up, it's not like that with us

HOFFS: And he knows this?

LAMPTON: I'm leaving!

_(LAMPTON exits)_

"BLOWFISH": Poor girl, doesn't even realize what she's done

HOFFS: She'll figure it out eventually

PENHALL: I just hope it's before Condor losses his patience

_(They sit in silence for a moment)_

FULLER: Don't you people have something better to do? Say, you're jobs.

"BLOWFISH": We've already established that I am doing my job

IOKI: I'm, ah, mentally preparing myself for mine, Captain

PENHALL: And I already did my job._ (to HANSON)_ No connections, partner.

HANSON: Keep looking, partner.

PENHALL: Why? I already looked.

HANSON: You couldn't have possibility given it a good look in fifteen minutes. Look again.

_(PENHALL goes to retort, but HOFFS cuts him off)_

HOFFS: And my partner left with the remainder of the paperwork!

FULLER: Then go home

PENHALL: But I like it here

FULLER: Oh, you're just bickering with your partner

HANSON and PENHALL: We're not bickering!

FULLER: Oh you're bickering like an old married couple. So you know what, go home and bicker like an old married couple.

PENHALL: We don't live in the same place. And I don't think Hanson wants me over at his apartment. You know, for a relatively friendly guy, he's got some serious sharing space issues.

HOFFS: And my house is cold. Do you know what it's like not to have heat? It's not very nice.

FULLER: Go home, all of you. Just go home.

PENHALL: My house has heat, Jude

HOFFS: My head says no, but it's so cold

IOKI: Can I come too?

"BLOWFISH": Party at Penhall's!

_(FULLER fake coughs)_

"BLOWFISH": I mean, debate on proper workplace social interactions at Penhall's? All while sitting a proper distance apart and not drinking any sort of alcoholic beverage.

FULLER: That sounds better

"BLOWFISH": It's the least I can do to lie to you

FULLER: It's all I ask

_(HOFFS, IOKI, and "BLOWFISH" gather their things, say their goodbyes, and exit)_

HANSON: You wanna work on the case at all, Penhall?

PENHALL: We worked on the case, Hanson.

HANSON: Fine. Go have you're party. I'm gonna work on the case.

FULLER: It's almost eight o'clock, Hanson. I'm sure even Wall Street has gone home by now.

HANSON: I wanna solve this one as quickly as possible, Captain. There's a lot as risk with this one.

PENHALL: You're not gonna solve this in one night, Hanson. Sleep on it. Come back tomorrow and try and find the source.

HANSON: I should at least try

_(FULLER and PENHALL exchange looks)_

FULLER: All right

_(PENHALL goes to say something, but FULLER shakes his head)_

PENHALL: See ya tomorrow, Hanson

FULLER: I'm gonna head out too

_(FULLER and PENHALL exit)_

* * *

**_Part two up ASAP!_**


	8. 4: It's All Fun and Games, part 2

_A FEW MINUTES LATER. HALLWAY in JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. PENHALL and FULLER are standing next to each other._

PENHALL: I'm worried about him, Captain

FULLER: Something's got to him, that's for sure

PENHALL: He was takin' with Miranda Nichols for awhile today. I don't know what they said to each other. She seemed pretty upset, but she was friends with Yvette Cole and Hunter Clevins, y'know, the kids that died in the accident.

FULLER: Keep an eye on him, all right, Doug. I'm worried about him, too.

PENHALL: You think it's got something to do with Lampton and Condor, y'know how they're going out now and all?

FULLER: He did have it bad for her.

PENHALL: And she's pretty oblivious

FULLER: You really think that's enough to bother him this much?

PENHALL: I don't know

FULLER: Well I can't ask Lampton to break up with Condor for the sake of Hanson's mental health. He is a big boy now.

PENHALL: Heck, at the rate she's going, I don't think you'll have to ask for a break-up

FULLER: Good point

PENHALL: I'll try and keep closer tabs on him then usual, Captain. If this has to do with the case, I'll find out.

FULLER: And let's not spread the Lampton-Condor theory around the office. I don't want her feeling awkward around Hanson, that would probably just make it worse.

PENHALL: All right

FULLER: And Penhall

PENHALL: Yeah, Coach

FULLER: Really, really keep an eye on him. Like no more then five feet between you. I'm really worried about him.

PENHALL: I know, me too.

_A FEW DAYS LATER.. STELLA, MIRANDA, CARTER, and ERIC are at a PARTY drinking with various other TEENAGERS. Music is blasting in the background as some TEENAGERS dance. STELLA and MIRANDA are dancing drunkenly in the middle of the room, slurring their words, giggling, etc._

STELLA: Why didn't you call up your new friends tonight, Miranda?

MIRANDA: Who?

STELLA: Those two guys. Y'know, the hot ones?

MIRANDA: I donno

STELLA: They were hot

MIRANDA: Yeah

STELLA: You should have brought them

MIRANDA: Cause they were hot?

STELLA: Yeah

MIRANDA: I should have

STELLA: They were hot

MIRANDA: Yeah

STELLA: But not as hot as Hunter

MIRANDA: No, Hunter was hot hot

STELLA: More like hot hot hot

MIRANDA:_ (Laughs)_ Yeah. We should call them.

STELLA: _(Laughs)_ We can't

MIRANDA: Oh yeah, cause they're dead

STELLA: From all the booze

MIRANDA: All the booze

STELLA: I'm thirsty

MIRANDA: Me too

STELLA: Hey look at that, we both have drinks

MIRANDA: How'd that happen?

STELLA: I think we brought 'em with us

MIRANDA: Oh yeah

STELLA: _(Finishes off the rest of her drink)_ Oh, hey, look at that, all gone

MIRANDA: Oh _(Finishes off her drink)_ Me too

STELLA: I'm still thirsty

MIRANDA: Me three _(giggles)_ No, wait, I mean too. Just too. This isn't a list._ (Laughs)_ Three.

STELLA: I think I'm gonna go and get another drink. Maybe two. Cause I'm really thirsty. Dancing makes you thirsty.

MIRANDA: Wait, I wanna too

STELLA: Wanna too what?

MIRANDA:_ (Laughs)_ Wanna come too!

_(STELLA and MIRANDA wobble through the crowd)_

STELLA: _(Laughs)_ You're drunk

MIRANDA: No your drunk

STELLA: No way, you're so drunk. I'm just tipsy. Not even. More like ipsy.

MIRANDA: You can't be ipsy. There's no such thing as ipsy.

STELLA: Yes there is, it's what I am

MIRANDA: Then I'm ipsy, not you

STELLA: No, you're drunk

MIRANDA: No, you're drunk

_(MIRANDA and STELLA trip over each other and fall to the ground laughing)_

STELLA: Maybe we're both drunk

MIRANDA: Yeah _(hiccups)_ oops! _(laughs)_

STELLA:_ (laughs)_ Okay, we gotta get up now

MIRANDA: Okay

_(MIRANDA and STELLA help each other up and walk to open bar area)_

MIRANDA: Okay, what do you want?

STELLA: Something alcoholic

MIRANDA: Duh

STELLA: Really alcoholic. Like just alcohol, no cola or tonic or somethin' like that crap. Just that alcohol.

_(MIRANDA sloppily pours a few shot glasses of vodka. STELLA and MIRANDA each take a shot, and drink and drink it.)_

MIRANDA: Another one?

STELLA: Of course

_(STELLA and MIRANDA do two more shots. MIRANDA begins looking odd/distressed)_

STELLA: Let's do another one, Miry!

_(MIRANDA doesn't respond)_

STELLA: Miranda?

MIRANDA: Huh?_ (Looks around)_

STELLA: Hey, I'm over here

MIRANDA: Oh _(laughs)_ I forgot

STELLA: Wanna 'nother one?

MIRANDA: I'm sleepy

_(MIRANDA falls over)_

STELLA: _(Laughs)_ Come on, Miranda. Let's do another one!

_(MIRANDA begins seizing)_

STELLA: _(Concerned)_ Miranda!

_(STELLA bends down and checks MIRANDA'S PULSE, PARTY stops, and TEENAGERS circle around MIRANDA, STELLA looks concerned.)_

ERIC: Carter, man, where's you're phone?

CARTER: Over by the couch on that table!

ERIC: Where's the stupid couch!

STELLA: I don't care about the couch, find the phone!

CARTER: Oh my god, she's turning blue!

STELLA: Where's the stupid phone!

ERIC: Here! I've got it!

STELLA: Call 911, idiot!

CARTER: What should we do?

STELLA: I don't know

_LAMPTON'S HOUSE. LAMPTON enters. She puts down her paperwork and wanders around the kitchen for a moment. Eventually she wanders into EMMA'S ROOM, where EMMA is sleeping in her bed. LAMPTON walks over to EMMA and kisses her on the head, EMMA stirs._

EMMA: Mom?

LAMPTON: Shh, go back to sleep, babe.

EMMA: When did you get home?

LAMPTON: Just a few minutes ago, babe. I tried to get home before you had to go to bed, I really did, kiddo, but traffic was a nightmare, and I'm sorry, kiddo, I really am. I'm trying my best.

EMMA: It's okay, mom

LAMPTON: We'll talk in the morning, babe. Just go back to sleep. _(Kisses EMMA'S forehead)_ I love you.

EMMA: Love you too.

_LAMPTON exits and walks into living room. PHOEBE is sitting on the couch. LAMPTON sits down next to PHOEBE looking sad._

PHOEBE: It's not a big deal, Priss

LAMPTON: I never get to see her anymore. I took this job to see her. And I'm seeing her less. And now you're paying the price, Pheebs. I can't keep doing this to everyone

PHOEBE: You love that job, Priss. And Emma understands

LAMPTON: She's seven, she barely understands the concept of fractions. How do you think she can possibly understand the fact that her mom is too busy to see her without the negative, possibly needing a therapist, kind of angle?

PHOEBE: She knows

LAMPTON: And what about you, Pheebs? Did I make you miss your date again?

PHOEBE: No, we ordered pizza in. Emma likes Adam. She thinks he's the cool neighbor guy.

LAMPTON: Just the cool neighbor guy?

PHOEBE: He's practically Don Knots in "Three's Company", just with a little bit more hair and a little less bell-bottom.

LAMPTON: What if I take a couple of days off? Then me and Emma could spend some real time together, y'know? I'm not on a case right now, I'm just trying to catch up on all of the paperwork. You wouldn't believe how much paperwork the state requires when there are minors involved, and with this job minors are always involved

PHOEBE: That sounds like a nice idea. Maybe I could have a (winks) business trip that weekend.

LAMPTON: You certainly deserve a break from the slave labor

PHOEBE: You mean Cleopatra is willing to release me for a few days without having to perform any miracles?

LAMPTON: I will expect you to part the red sea before you leave, however you can leave out the plagues, especially that last one, something tells me that might bring a little too much media attention our way

PHOEBE: It shall be done, I'll call up Charlton Heston first thing in the morning for intrustions

_(Phone rings)_

PHOEBE: Judging on how the past couple of months have gone, I'm betting that's for you

LAMPTON: _(Answers phone)_ Hello? _(Pause)_ I'll be right there _(Hangs up phone)_

PHOEBE: Duty calls?

LAMPTON: It's bad

PHOEBE: What?

LAMPTON: A girl may have drunk herself to death. She's on her way to the hospital now.

PHOEBE: I thought you weren't on a case right now

LAMPTON: It's Hanson's case, but he can't go down there and we need to get a statement

PHOEBE: Go

LAMPTON: And you start making your long weekend plans with Adam, cause nothing is getting in between me and Emma this weekend

PHOEBE: Not even a certain brunette partner of yours?

LAMPTON: Penhall?

PHOEBE: Oh god, just go

LAMPTON: What?

PHOEBE: You're hopeless

LAMPTON: Thank-you_ (kisses her cheek)_ I owe you, well, everything, literally

PHOEBE: The rent-free thing sort of works well for me

_HOSPITAL. LAMPTON enters, HOFFS is up at the main desk talking with NURSE 1._

LAMPTON: Judy!

HOFFS: Hey, Priss, Hanson called you too, huh?

LAMPTON: Yep

HOFFS: What about Emma?

LAMPTON: Asleep

HOFFS: _(to NURSE 1)_ This is my partner, Officer Lampton

NURSE 1: Miranda Nichols is in recovery, we had to pump her stomach, but she should pull through all right

LAMPTON: What room?

NURSE 1: Second floor, room 212.

HOFFS: Have her parents been called?

NURSE 1: Called and terrorizing the second floor

LAMPTON: Goody

HOFFS: Thank-you

_SECOND FLOOR HOSPITAL. HOFFS and LAMPTON walk off elevator. CHERYL and MATT NICHOLS are standing outside MIRANDA'S ROOM arguing._

LAMPTON: What about the other three geniuses, I swear they're were four of them that Penhall mentioned

HOFFS: Ioki and Fuller are talking with them down at the station

LAMPTON: Why couldn't we get that?

HOFFS: Me and Ioki flipped for it

LAMPTON: And?

HOFFS: And I lost

_(HOFFS and LAMPTON walk over to CHERYL and MATT NICHOLS)_

HOFFS: Mr. and Mrs. Nichols?

CHERYL NICHOLS:_ (Shortly)_ What?

LAMPTON: I'm Officer Lampton and this is my partner Officer Hoffs, we need to ask your daughter a few questions about what happened tonight

CHERYL NICHOLS: Police Officers?

MATT NICHOLS: What did you expect, Cheryl? Candy Stripers? Our daughter did commit a crime.

CHERYL NICHOLS: Don't you think I'm aware of that

MATT NICHOLS: Well you certainly haven't done anything about it

HOFFS: M'am, Sir, really it's no one's fault, we just need to ask a few routine questions

LAMPTON: Your daughter is in no way a criminal

CHERYL NICHOLS: She committed a crime, didn't she?

LAMPTON: Well, yes, but m'am, every teenager is privy to a few mistakes

CHERYL NICHOLS: Well you try and explain that to the College Board, Officer _(tries for LAMPTON'S name)_

LAMPTON: Lampton

CHERYL NICHOLS: Officer Lampton. You really think they're gonna let a kid into college with an arrest record?

HOFFS: Mrs. Nichols, perhaps we should be focusing on Miranda's current health

MATT NICHOLS: Speaking of health, you should probably call up a doctor to check up on Cheryl's health while we're here. I'm sure you'll find a full pharmacy in her.

CHERYL NICHOLS: Screwed your secretary recently, Matt?

LAMPTON: Mr. and Mrs. Nichols, if this is a bad time

CHERYL NICHOLS: Oh, Officer Lampton, what made you think that this was a bad time? Perhaps the fact that I was called out of a very important meeting with potential clients to come down to the hospital because my daughter was having her stomach pumped from alcohol poisoning? Or coming down here to find out that my daughter has been sneaking out to parties these past couple of weeks and binge drinking? Or the DUI that has now been stapled to my daughter's record?

LAMPTON: Mrs. Nichols, I'm just trying to do my job.

MATT NICHOLS: Cheryl just let the Police Officers do their stupid job so we don't have to make this embarrassing incident last any longer then it has too _(MATT NICHOL'S pager beeps)_ Excuse me

HOFFS: Mrs. Nichols, we just need to ask Miranda a few questions. We're not going to hall her in, take her finger prints, or put her on any lists that would somehow group her with hardcore criminals. To us, she's just a girl that made a mistake. And I'm sure that any college is going to see and understand that.

CHERYL NICHOLS: Fine, just be quick

LAMPTON: Thank-you, Mrs. Nichols

_LAMPTON and HOFFS enter MIRANDA'S HOSPITAL ROOM. MIRANDA is laying on the bed sleeping._

HOFFS: Should we wake her up?

LAMPTON: Something tells me that's not going to be pleasant

HOFFS: Then can we just hang out in here?

LAMPTON: Well sit here and look like we're doing something or go back and face certain death, it's a tuff choice

_(NURSE 2 enters)_

NURSE 2: What are you two girls doing in here?

HOFFS: _(Flashes NURSE 2 her BADGE)_ We're Officers Hoffs and Lampton, we just need to ask Ms. Nichols a few questions

NURSE 2: Well you won't be doing that any time soon, Ms. Nichols' is sleeping now and I will not let you wake her up

LAMPTON: How long do you think she will be out?

NURSE 2: A few hours, maybe more

LAMPTON: All right

NURSE 2: I would suggest that you wait outside

HOFFS:_ (Slightly forced)_ All right, we'll just wait outside. Can you alert us when Ms. Nichols is awake and able to answer our questions?

NURSE 2: That I can do, Officers

_(LAMPTON and HOFFS exit)_

_HALLWAY. CHERYL NICHOLS is sitting in one of the chairs looking absent minded. LAMPTON and HOFFS enter from MIRANDA'S ROOM._

CHERYL NICHOLS: Are you done, Officers?

LAMPTON: No, m'am, we were unable to ask Miranda any questions at this time. We'll have to wait.

HOFFS: I go find us some coffee, I think the caffeine will be handy

LAMPTON: _(Whispering)_ You're leaving me alone?

HOFFS: Would you like any coffee while I'm up, Mrs. Nichols?

CHERYL NICHOLS: No

HOFFS: All right, then I'll just pick one up for me and you, Priss

LAMPTON: _(Whispering)_ Traitor!

_(HOFFS walks down HALLWAY. LAMPTON takes a seat near CHERYL NICHOLS. They sit in silence for a minute.)_

LAMPTON: I'm sorry, Mrs. Nichols

CHERYL NICHOLS: For what?

LAMPTON: For everything, I mean, I understand what you're going through, and I know it's hard. Kids are hard.

CHERYL NICHOLS: What would you know? You're what, twenty? You don't have kids.

LAMPTON: I'm twenty-three, actually, and I have a daughter. At least I think I still do. I haven't exactly been around much recently, new job. She may be thinking that her babysitter is actually her mother at this point.

_(CHERYL NICHOLS stays silent for a moment. LAMPTON begins to focus her attention elsewhere. CHERYL NICHOLS appearance softens)._

CHERYL NICHOLS: How old is she?

LAMPTON: _(Slightly taken aback, but regains composure quickly)_ God, she's seven already. I guess at seven she can't confuse her mother with her babysitter anymore, but I still see her as a little baby, y'know?

CHERYL NICHOLS: I know. I guess that's how I still saw Miranda. I didn't think she could possibly be going around and getting into trouble.

LAMPTON: And I guess I've never had to deal with anything this serious with her, and I hope to God that I never do, but I can't help but wonder, y'know? Especially with my job. I see a lot of good kids get in bad situations.

CHERYL NICHOLS: Be around

LAMPTON: What?

CHERYL NICHOLS: You need to be around more. That's I how missed all of this. I wasn't around. I'm not around.

LAMPTON: I'm trying really hard. And Emma, Emma's great. I mean, this kid has everything going against her, but she's the best kid a mom could want, y'know?

CHERYL NICHOLS: I know. That's how Miranda was. And I don't know how long this drinking thing has been going on, it's never been this serious before. I think maybe Yvette Cole and Hunter Clevins, have you heard about them, it's a real shame, they were killed recently, Yvette was her best friend, and now she's dead. Maybe that just pushed her over the edge. God, I didn't even know she was on the edge.

LAMPTON: Hey, Mrs. Nichols, it's not your fault. Miranda could have come to you. She didn't have to turn to drinking.

CHERYL NICHOLS: Well I didn't exactly make myself available for her to come to, now did I?

LAMPTON: Well, make yourself available now. Don't give up on her.

CHERYL NICHOLS: She already gave up on me

_(HOFFS returns carrying three coffees)_

HOFFS: I thought you could use this, Mrs. Nichols

CHERYL NICHOLS: Call me Cheryl

HOFFS: All right, Cheryl. Call me Judy.

LAMPTON: I'm Priss.

CHERYL NICHOLS: So, how much trouble is Miranda in?

LAMPTON: She'll have a MIP charge brought up against her, but that isn't all too serious

HOFFS: I think what's important is finding out how these kids are getting all of this booze and bringing them down. Then maybe we can go into the schools and attempt to repair the damage, y'know? A couple of speakers, the usual.

CHERYL NICHOLS: And if that doesn't work?

LAMPTON: We go to Plan B

CHERYL NICHOLS: Which is?

LAMPTON: We haven't thought of one yet, but we will if we need too

CHERYL NICHOLS: _(Pager beeps)_ I have to take this

_(CHERYL NICHOLS exits)_

HOFFS: Jeez, what did you do to sooth the savage beast?

LAMPTON: Related

HOFFS: How? Pulled out a whip and a chair?

LAMPTON: Jude, she's scared and blaming herself for this

HOFFS: Still

LAMPTON: Don't you get it? She gave up on Miranda and Miranda gave up on her. That's how this happened. And now she's paying the price for that.

HOFFS: Emma isn't going to end up here. You won't let her.

LAMPTON: What if I'm not around to stop her

HOFFS: You're in her head, Priss. She can't help but listen.

_(They sit in silence for a moment)_

LAMPTON: You really think I'm ignoring Condor?

HOFFS: I think it's been awhile since you've had a relationship

LAMPTON: I can't argue that

HOFFS: And I think he understands

LAMPTON: A lot of people seem to be doing that around me

HOFFS: It's only because we love you so much

LAMPTON: Campaigning for Ms. Congeniality of the department?

HOFFS: I wouldn't mind the offer, but I'm serious. Nobody would put in the effort if we hated the prize.

_(Pause)_

LAMPTON: I'm flattered, really, by the sentiment. And I understand it and all, but that analogy you just used equated me to being a prize and I don't know how I feel about being a Trophy Friend.

HOFFS: Well then, we just may have to rethink our friendship, won't we?

_HOPKINS HIGH SCHOOL. HANSON, PENHALL, CARTER, STELLA, and ERIC are walking around the school grounds._

STELLA: It was alcohol poisoning

HANSON: Is she going to be okay?

STELLA: Hopefully. My Parents weren't really too keen on calling up her parents to see how she, the girl who ruined my chances at getting into college by bringing me into the world of hardcore drugs and drinking, was doing

PENHALL: Seriously?

STELLA: You'd be surprised

CARTER: We're gonna stop by during lunch, if you want to come with

PENHALL: Yeah, yeah, we'll drive

STELLA: Well, I've been slapped with my second MIP charge. Hey, you know that three strikes rule with MIP's and DUI's? Do you add them together to get the three strikes?

CARTER: I hope not

STELLA: I've always wondered if I was just living outside the system, or getting really close to be screwed over.

HANSON: You're just incredibly close to being screwed over

ERIC: Thanks, man

STELLA: _(Looks at watch)_ Hey, you guys just wanna hop down there now? I mean, I've got a math test I'd really rather not take with this headache.

CARTER: Yeah, schools have a lot of loud noises. Hospitals are quiet. As long as you stay away from ER's, or maternity wards

ERIC: I'm sure we could find you a morgue. That's nice and quiet.

HANSON: Let's go, I'll drive

_HOSPITAL. LAMPTON and HOFFS are sprawled out and sleeping on the chairs outside MIRANDA'S ROOM. HANSON, PENHALL, STELLA, ERIC, and CARTER enter._

STELLA: Oh my god, are those bums?

CARTER: They're well-dressed bums

ERIC: Should we wake them up?

PENHALL: No, I think we should just go and see how Miranda's doing. That's probably for the best. We're here for Miranda. Not the potential bums.

STELLA: Whatever

HANSON: Actually, we'll let you three go first.

CARTER: Why?

HANSON: You knew her longer

STELLA: Whatever

_(STELLA, ERIC, and CARTER enter MIRANDA'S ROOM)_

PENHALL: What are they still doing here?

HANSON: I think, I think they might have fallen asleep

PENHALL: I got that. What I mean is, what are they still doing here. I mean, it's simple, you ask the questions, you leave. You don't take a snooze in the chairs in an area where we could potentially show up!

_(HOFFS begins to wake up)_

HANSON: Hey, you're girlfriend's waking up

PENHALL: She's not my girlfriend

HOFFS: Penhall?

PENHALL and HANSON: Shh!

HOFFS: What?

PENHALL:_ (Whispering)_ We're here with the kids, you gotta be quiet, Jude!

HANSON: And wake Priss up! Quickly.

HOFFS: Is she awake?

HANSON: No, and that's why we need to wake her up!

HOFFS: Not Priss! I know Priss is asleep!

PENHALL: And she looks so peaceful

HOFFS: I know, it's weird, but I had the best night of sleep I've had in awhile on these chairs

PENHALL: Really? I didn't think it was possible.

HOFFS: Seriously, you should try

_(PENHALL moves to sit down)_

HANSON: Doug!

PENHALL: Sorry, Jude, I can't play, my mom's calling me

HOFFS: Sorry, Hanson, but we still need to question Miranda Nichols. She was asleep by the time we got here last night, and the nurse wouldn't let us wake her up, so I guess we must have fallen asleep while we were waiting for her to wake up.

_(LAMPTON wakes up)_

LAMPTON: _(Loudly)_ Huh? What are you guys doing here?

HANSON, PENHALL, and HOFFS: Shh!

LAMPTON: Sorry!

HANSON: We're here with the kids

HOFFS: We fell asleep

LAMPTON: I got that from the waking up!

HANSON: You need to interview Miranda Nichols still

LAMPTON: What happened with the other three wonder drinkers?

PENHALL: Nothing, they just said that they were trying to save Miranda from the party because they were concerned and had no idea where the alcohol could have possibly come from. Or their prior DUI and MIP charges came from.

HOFFS: And you really think Miranda is going to be too keen on talking?

LAMPTON: It's worth a shot

_(The door to MIRANDA'S ROOM begins to open, LAMPTON and HOFFS quickly pretend to be asleep, as STELLA, ERIC, and CARTER exit in HALLWAY)._

STELLA: We're gonna go and head to the cafeteria. I've got the muchies.

HANSON: What about Miranda?

ERIC: She's up

CARTER: Pissed as hell about what happened last night, y'know, with her parents finding out and all. Apparently her mom's gone completely off the deep end

STELLA: And I'm sure there was a Pharmacy in her purse that was happy to help her sooth her nerves

HANSON: What about her health?

ERIC: Good, I guess, we didn't really talk about it

CARTER: You guys want to come with us?

HANSON: I'm good, you wanna go, Doug?

PENHALL: Yeah, skipped breakfast this morning. Sure you don't want to come, Tommy?

HANSON: Yeah, I think I'll talk with Miranda. Keep her company.

PENHALL: All right

_(STELLA, CARTER, ERIC, and PENHALL exit. LAMPTON and HOFFS open their eyes)_

HANSON: You two go first

LAMPTON: Why didn't you go with them?

HANSON: Thought Miranda might open up more to me then to you guys and I didn't want to quiz her with a whole gaggle of sober goons watching me

HOFFS: Okay. We'll just be a minute.

_HOSPITAL CAFETERIA. STELLA, CARTER, ERIC, and PENHALL sit at one of the tables eating._

PENHALL: So where were you guys last night?

STELLA: This totally awesome party at Carter's

CARTER: Yeah, my parents are out of town on their annual Paris trip to rekindle their romance

ERIC: He means, stop Carter's mom from dissolving their prenup-less union

CARTER: Yeah, yeah, anyways, open bar, loud music, the whole deal. Even got people to pay a thirty-dollar cover charge.

PENHALL: Seriously?

CARTER: Yeah, how else do you expect me to fund an open bar? I mean, alcohol doesn't exactly grow on trees. And mommy and daddy might wonder what happened to the entirely of their collection.

PENHALL: Open bar?

STELLA: Yeah, Carter's blowouts are known for his open bar policy

PENHALL: Do you just take from your parents?

CARTER: No, man, that wouldn't cover ten people at one of my parties. In fact, I think it just might have covered Miranda, and that's about it

STELLA: No kidding, that girl was going at it last night

ERIC: Well it might explain the alcohol poisoning

STELLA: No kidding, man

PENHALL: So how'd you get your hands on so much?

CARTER: Easy, I've got a buyer, who gets ten dollars of the cover charge for each party he supplies. Granted he thinks I only charge twenty to get in, but that's his loss

PENHALL: Who's your buyer?

CARTER: Somebody's got a lot of questions

PENHALL: Just curious about the working of a genius

STELLA: You wanna help with the next bash?

PENHALL: Whatda mean?

ERIC: Carter always needs extra minions to do his bidding before one of these things. You really think these parties just happen out of the blue?

CARTER: I'll pay you fifty

PENHALL: Fifty bucks? For what?

CARTER: All you have to do is pick up the alcohol from the buyer and drive it to my house. Stella and Eric do it all the time. All you have to do is not get pulled over.

PENHALL: I'll do my best

CARTER: So, you in?

PENHALL: Sure thing, man

CARTER: Good, cause Stella lost her driving privileges and I really need someone to pick up the order for tonight

PENHALL: What about Tommy?

CARTER: I always liked you better, man

_MIRANDA'S ROOM. LAMPTON and HOFFS sit next to MIRANDA'S BED._

LAMPTON: Hi, Miranda, I'm Officer Lampton

HOFFS: And I'm Officer Hoffs

LAMPTON: And we need to ask you a few routine questions about what happened last night

MIRANDA: Seriously? I drank. A lot. That's what happened.

HOFFS: You're seventeen, Miranda. How'd you get your hands on so much alcohol?

MIRANDA: I was at a party. I reached into the cooler and pulled out the drink of my choice. Sometimes I even used a glass.

LAMPTON: Miranda, this isn't a joke. The more you help us, the more we can help you.

MIRANDA: Well I can't tell you anything. I don't question where the stuff comes from. But, you know what, the next time I'm at a party, I'll be sure to take copious notes detailing where each bottle was either bought or lifted from then give you all of my notes so that you can bust every single person and officially ruin any chance of me ever having a semblance of a life again.

HOFFS: Miranda, we're here to help

MIRANDA: Well I'm not exactly reaching my hand out, am I? I'm fine.

LAMPTON: Miranda, you're not fine. You're in a hospital for alcohol poisoning.

MIRANDA: I'm fine. I just drank a little too much last night. It happens.

HOFFS: Miranda

MIRANDA: Unless you're here to drag me away in handcuffs, Officer Hoffs, I'm finished answering your questions. Go give your helpful words and meaningful looks elsewhere.

_(HOFFS and LAMPTON exchange looks)_

LAMPTON: _(Leaves MIRANDA a card on the table)_ Okay, Miranda, but if you ever need any help, feel free to call either of us. Both of our numbers are on the card.

HOFFS: Thank-you for your time, Miranda

_(LAMPTON and HOFFS exit into the HALLWAY.)_

_HALLWAY. HANSON is standing waiting as HOFFS and LAMPTON exit MIRANDA'S ROOM._

LAMPTON: She's all yours

HOFFS: You'll need a miracle to break her

HANSON: Anything?

HOFFS: Nothing

LAMPTON: That girl isn't gonna let anyone in, Hanson. She's pretty messed up.

HANSON: I know

HOFFS: You can't save everyone, Tom

HANSON: I know, Jude. But I also know that she's not a lost cause. She's just a girl who just lost her best friend. She just needs a little direction, that's all.

_(HANSON exits into MIRANDA'S ROOM.)_

_MIRANDA'S ROOM. HANSON walks over to MIRANDA'S BEDSIDE._

MIRANDA: Hey, where's your brother?

HANSON: Down getting something to eat with your friends

MIRANDA: Hey, I thought we were all friends

_(HANSON stays silent for a moment, then sits down in the chair next to MIRANDA'S BED)_

HANSON: Miranda

MIRANDA: Oh, not you too

HANSON: You've got a problem, Miranda

MIRANDA: Yeah, I lost my best friend. Got a solution?

HANSON: It's not a science, Miranda, but I know for a fact that it's not this. Drinking yourself to death isn't gonna bring Yvette back.

MIRANDA: What that's all I got. It's what I do best. Ask anyone at school. That Miranda Nichols is a party girl. She can hold her liquor like a guy. She's good for a laugh or a screw when she's drunk.

HANSON: What about rehab?

MIRANDA: I'm sure mom would love that

HANSON: I'm sure she would, Miranda. You need help. A rehab center will help you not only with your drinking problem, but with the fact that you just lost someone that is obviously important to you.

MIRANDA: Did you go to rehab after your dad died?

HANSON: No

MIRANDA: Did you go to counseling

HANSON: Not really

MIRANDA: Then why are you telling me to go there, Tommy?

HANSON: Because you need the help. Maybe I should have gone somewhere, but I didn't. I was too tuff for that.

MIRANDA: How did your dad die?

HANSON: He was a cop. He was shot.

MIRANDA: You knew the risk that your dad took. I wasn't prepared to lose my best friend.

HANSON: You really think I was ready to lose my dad? You're friends are at higher risks to lose their lives then my dad ever was, Miranda! Don't you get it! This isn't the solution! Killing yourself isn't the solution!

MIRANDA: Shut up! I'm fine!

HANSON: You're not fine, Miranda

MIRANDA: What the hell has gotten into you, Tommy? Why are you so suddenly concerned with my well being?

_IN HANSON'S CAR. PENHALL sits behind the wheel and STELLA sits shotgun._

PENHALL: Shouldn't we wait for Tom?

STELLA: You really want to split that fifty two ways?

PENHALL: Not especially

STELLA: Then drive

PENHALL: Okay. Where are we going?

STELLA: Just turn here

PENHALL: No absolute directions?

STELLA: Of course not

PENHALL: How does this work, anyways? You guys put in an order and he just goes and picks it up?

STELLA: Basically, yeah

PENHALL: So no fake ID's or anything?

STELLA: Fakes ID's, seriously? They're a thing of the past. Nobody does the club scene anymore, too risky. It's easier to just wait until somebody's parents are out of town, because in his neighborhood somebody's parents are always out of town.

PENHALL: Does everyone use this buyer?

STELLA: Hell no, this is just Carter's guy. Some people still use the fake ID's, but those are the less fortunate.

PENHALL: Where do you get the ID's from?

STELLA: You've got a lot of questions

PENHALL: Mommy and Daddy are around a lot

STELLA: There's this couple down on Fourth, really care about the youth, y'know, for a small fee.

PENHALL: Really now?

STELLA: Really, really. Turn right.

PENHALL: And what are these friendly folks names?

STELLA: Why, Dougie, you'll have to earn that answer

PENHALL: And how do I earn it, Stelly?

STELLA: Kiss me

PENHALL: What?

STELLA: Kiss me

PENHALL: I thought you hated me

STELLA: I hate everybody. My shrink says it's my defense mechanism. I don't allow people in so that they won't hurt me.

PENHALL: Then why are you letting me in?

STELLA: I hate being classified more

PENHALL: Interesting

STELLA: So? You want those names?

PENHALL: What if I just buy you dinner some time?

STELLA: That takes commitment

PENHALL: What's a dinner between two friends?

STELLA: Anywhere I want?

PENHALL: Anywhere

STELLA: Okay. But first turn here

PENHALL: Are we there yet?

STELLA: Yep, it's the apartment building on the left.

PENHALL: Okay

STELLA: So how about lunch after this

PENHALL: I'd love to. But can you tell me those names?

STELLA: You promise me lunch, remember. And if you go back on it, there will be hell to pay, trust me. Never mess with a rich daddy's girl.

PENHALL: Scout's honor

STELLA: Andy and Maureen Sanders

PENHALL: All right, I might have to visit them sometime in the near future. After lunch today, of course.

_MIRANDA'S ROOM. HANSON and MIRANDA are in the same spots._

MIRANDA: Why are you so interested, Tommy?

HANSON:_ (Sighs, and pulls out his badge)_ Because, Miranda. I'm a cop.

MIRANDA: Crap

HANSON: And you have a problem, Miranda. I was sixteen when I lost my dad. And I might have fallen into the same position that you're in if I didn't have somebody watching out for me.

MIRANDA: And what? You're offering to be that guy that looks out for me?

HANSON: Yeah

MIRANDA: Well I don't need your help

HANSON: Yes, you do

MIRANDA: Why are you doing this? It's not in your job description. Your job is to bust kids and stop them from having fun

HANSON: Would you just shut up and listen for a minute, Miranda! You need help. I'm offering you that help so that maybe, just maybe you can still have a life after high school! And by life I don't mean socially, I mean literal life.

MIRANDA: I'm not going to die

HANSON: Yvette Cole and Hunter Clevins did. You really think they thought that by getting in that car they were going to die?

_HARVEY'S APARTMENT. PENHALL and STELLA knock on the door. HARVEY answers._

HARVEY: Stella!

STELLA: Hey Harvey

HARVEY: You're a little early today

STELLA: You got the stuff, right?

HARVEY: For you, Stell, of course. And who's your friend? I would have thought you would have come with Miranda.

STELLA: Oh, this is Doug, Doug this is Harvey. Miranda's had a little accident and she's in the hospital right now. She's fine and all, don't worry, but she's gonna be out of commission for awhile.

HARVEY: That's a shame, I always liked that girl. Full of spunk.

STELLA: Are we done with the small talk, Harvey?

HARVEY: Yeah, yeah, come on in

_(STELLA and PENHALL enter HARVEY'S APARTMENT. HARVEY has a pile of boxes in the corner.)_

HARVEY: There's your order

STELLA: Thanks, man

HARVEY: And my pay?

STELLA: _(Hands HARVEY money)_ Here you go, Harvey my boy. _(STELLA moves to pick up boxes.)_

PENHALL: Wait a second, Stella

STELLA: What?

PENHALL: _(Pulls out badge)_ I have to place Harvey under arrest

_(PENHALL cuffs HARVEY)_

STELLA: What?

HARVEY: He's a cop! You brought a cop, Stella!

PENHALL: Unfortunately

_(PENHALL leads HARVEY out of the APARTMENT)_

PENHALL: Sorry, Stella

STELLA: God, this is why I don't trust people. They always screw you over.

_LATER. SCENE of IOKI and HOFFS leading ANDY and MAUREEN SANDERS out of their STORE and into a COP CAR._

_JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. FULLER'S OFFICE. LAMPTON and FULLER are sitting across from each other._

FULLER: You sure about this, Priss

LAMPTON: Positive, Captain. I need to spend some time with Emma.

FULLER: I understand, but I need to know if this will be a habit, Priss. I know that you need to spend time with your daughter, but you also have a responsibility here

LAMPTON: And in order for me to do this job, you need to know that I'm a mom first and a cop second.

FULLER: Okay. I respect that. But you need to know that if your being a single mom begins to interfere with your ability to do this job, then I will transfer you.

LAMPTON: I understand, but I love this job. And I am capable of maintaining a career and raising my daughter. You don't have to worry.

FULLER: And I have faith, Priss. Have a good weekend

LAMPTON: We will, thank-you Captain.

_(LAMPTON exits)_

_JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. LAMPTON walks through, saying her goodbyes to HOFFS, HANSON, PENHALL, and IOKI who are all at their various desk as she leaves. PENHALL approaches HANSON._

PENHALL: You okay, man?

HANSON: Yeah, fine

PENHALL: You seemed a bit off during the case

HANSON: It was nothing, man

PENHALL: You sure?

HANSON: Positive

PENHALL: I'm here, y'know, if you wanna talk or somethin'

HANSON: I'm aware _(looks at watch)_ look I gotta be somewhere right now. Can we finish this later?

PENHALL: Seeing Miranda off at the rehab center?

HANSON: Yeah, how'd you know?

PENHALL: Saw the paperwork and Cheryl Nichols called

HANSON: Oh

PENHALL: That's a nice thing you're doing for that girl. Getting her into that rehab center. You must have pulled a lot of strings

HANSON: The parents were willing to pay, I just submitted her name

PENHALL: And made a few phone calls

HANSON: Look, the girl needs some direction

PENHALL: So this was just a random act of kindness?

HANSON: Yeah

PENHALL: Not because you see yourself in her

HANSON: Not in the least

PENHALL: I'm here, Hanson

HANSON: You said that already

_REHAB CENTER. CHERYL NICHOLS is dropping MIRANDA (unwillingly) off with a NURSE. HANSON pulls up and joins the group._

MIRANDA: Officer Hanson

HANSON: I came to see you off, Miranda

MIRANDA: How kind of you. I'm touched.

HANSON: Good luck in there, Miranda

MIRANDA: Motivational

_(MIRANDA exits with NURSE)_

CHERYL NICHOLS: You really think this will work, Officer Hanson?

HANSON: If she lets them help her

CHERYL NICHOLS: Thanks for doing this again, it really means a lot to me

HANSON: It's no problem

CHERYL NICHOLS: Is she always going to hate us?

HANSON: While she's in there, yeah. She'll hate you, me, the world, anyone and everyone. But after, if things go well, then she'll understand why you did it and be thankful. Trust me, this is the best chance you could possibly give her for success

CHERYL NICHOLS: That's what they tell me

HANSON: Where's Mr. Nichols, if you don't mind me asking?

CHERYL NICHOLS: _(Smiles) _If I'm going to be there for her, I need to start working some things out in my own life, starting with ending a bad marriage. If all of my attention is focused on how to best get back at Matt, then how am I supposed to support her?

HANSON: Good for you, Mrs. Nichols. I hope everything works out.

CHERYL NICHOLS: I'll keep you posted, Officer Hanson

HANSON: It's Tom, and _(hands CHERYL NICHOLS a card)_ give this to Miranda when you can. It's my address and phone number, if she ever wants to talk. I'll be around.

CHERYL NICHOLS: And I'm sure you'll be hearing from her

_(CHERYL NICHOLS waves goodbye then enters REHAB CENTER)_

_LATER. PIZZERIA. CONDOR is sitting in the same spot eating pizza. LAMPTON rushes in._

LAMPTON: God, why am I always late?

CONDOR: You like to keep me on my toes?

LAMPTON: Apparently

CONDOR: So, what did you want to talk about? _(Winces)_ And if you're breaking up with me, make it quick.

LAMPTON: It's nothing bad, I just want you to know that I'm in this. I really am. But in order for this to work you have to understand some things

CONDOR: Like the whole Emma ordeal

LAMPTON: Yeah. I want to keep this part of my life separate from my life with her. She doesn't need to get hurt. Her dad does that enough.

CONDOR: Anything else?

LAMPTON: You'll have to accept the fact that we will mainly be doing lunch dates in order to keep up my Sister Mary Margaret appearance and as to not interfere with my time with Emma. As such, my job limits me from taking a normal lunch hour the majority of the week, so you have to be able to work with me.

CONDOR: Is there a blood oath involved in this?

LAMPTON: No, but the animal sacrifice portion is coming up. To show you're true devotion.

CONDOR: _(smiles)_ Can I talk now?

LAMPTON: Yeah, I'm done

CONDOR: I really like you, Priss. And I'm willing to jump through whatever flaming hoop you want me to in order to be with you.

LAMPTON: Really?

CONDOR: Really, really

LAMPTON: Okay

CONDOR: Okay

LAMPTON: So we're doing this

CONDOR: If you really, really like me too

LAMPTON: I really, really like you too, Eli

CONDOR: Okay, then we're doing this

LAMPTON: Good

CONDOR: Great

LAMPTON: Perfect

CONDOR: You gonna kiss me yet?

LAMPTON: I was thinkin' about it

_(CONDOR kisses LAMPTON)_

LAMPTON: I like the initiative, but I didn't quite get it

_(CONDOR kisses LAMPTON again)_

LAMPTON: No, no, still pretty unclear

_(LAMPTON and CONDOR kiss)_

LAMPTON: I think I get it now

CONDOR: Nothing like clarity

LAMPTON: Nope, nothing like clarity

_END CREDITS. _

* * *

**_Thanks for reading.  
Reviews encouraged._**

**_Updates up ASAP.  
_**


	9. 5: For Every Action, part 1

_Allo allo. Anwa's back with another episode. This time I decided to deviate from the norm team goes into high school and busts criminal after befriending them, and this time the entire episode is about the officers and the chapel. Well, you'll see. _

_Thanks go out to **Ghostwriter** and **Wolfgirl**. If I forgot you, I'm sorry. This whole double chapter thing for one story has got me a little lost on my thank-yous sometimes. _

_Well, read, enjoy, and (more importantly) REVIEW!_

**

* * *

**

**21 JUMPSTREET**

**_For Every Action_ **

* * *

HANSON: _(Voice over)_ Previously on 21 Jumpstreet 

_(EPISODE ONE: LAMPTON enters CHAPEL as PENHALL, IOKI, HANSON, and HOFFS argue over a darts game)_

LAMPTON: _(Loudly as PENHALL throws dart)_ Hello?

HOFFS: _(Walks over to LAMPTON) _Hi, I'm Judy Hoffs _(they shake hands)_

LAMPTON: Priss Lampton

_(EPISODE ONE: HANSON and LAMPTON are sitting on the conference table talking)_

HANSON: You have a daughter?

LAMPTON: Yea

HANSON: Why didn't you say anything earlier?

LAMPTON: I liked the way you looked at me

_(EPISODE TWO: FULLER and HANSON are playing Indian poker around the conference table. HOFFS, IOKI, "BLOWFISH", PENHALL, HANSON, and LAMPTON sit around them.)_

FULLER: Are we completely and totally incapable of talking about anything to do with whatever case we are on? We're trying to convince the department that we are a viable department!

LAMPTON: You know, that two of hearts on your forehead really says a lot about that particular statement, captain

_(EPISODE TWO: CONDOR and LAMPTON are sitting in CONDOR'S CAR during a steak-out)_

CONDOR: You can't leave the car

LAMPTON: I never said I wanted to

CONDOR: You've been hinting at it ever since I first said 'you can't leave the car'

LAMPTON: Are you always such a pain in the ass?

CONDOR: Do you always talk this much?

LAMPTON: We might as well talk, it'd be less suspicious then two grown adults sitting in a car outside a school not talking and intently starting at each and every student with binoculars

CONDOR: People don't pay that much attention

LAMPTON: You'd be surprised how much attention they pay to their kids

CONDOR: Well thank god we're hired for our forgettable faces

_(EPISODE TWO: LAMPTON, PENHALL, HANSON, and MARISSA THOMPSON are sitting in the INTERROGATION ROOM)._

MARISSA: Can I receive any sort of deal for this information?

HANSON: What kind of deal are you interested in?

MARISSA: Immunity

LAMPTON: I don't know, Marissa. I don't think we can promise you total immunity.

MARISSA: What can you promise me?

PENHALL: Community Service

LAMPTON: Huh?

PENHALL: We'll offer you community service. Teach kids the dangers of using drugs to get ahead.

_(EPISODE TWO: LAMPTON, MARISSA THOMPSON, CONDOR, and HANSON are in the CHAPEL. MARISSA is on her way out.)_

MARISSA: All right _(to LAMPTON)_ Can you give me a ride home?

LAMPTON:_ (Looks up at HANSON and CONDOR, both nod)_ All right

HANSON: _(Hands LAMPTON his keys)_ Take my car, Priss

LAMPTON:_ (to HANSON)_ Thanks, Tom_ (to MARISSA)_ Let's go

_(LAMPTON and MARISSA exit)_

CONDOR: Way to be the hero and all, but she was looking at me, man

HANSON: In your dreams, Condor. She hates you, remember

_(EPISODE THREE: DAY CARE CENTER. LAMPTON runs into the building still dressed as a punk, and receiving stares from other parents as she rushes into EMMA'S room.)_

LAMPTON: _(Kisses EMMA'S head) _Hey, kiddo, sorry I'm a little late today. Mommy's on a new assignment.

_(EPISODE THREE: HANSON is sitting at his desk HOFFS is standing next to him)_

HOFFS: Hanson, I think you're reading a little too much into how Priss acts around Condor and how he acts around her. I'm sure that they're just friends.

HANSON: Yeah, flirty friends

HOFFS: Hanson, you can't be jealous if you don't have a crush on her

HANSON: I'm not jealous and I don't have a crush on her

HOFFS: Hanson, do yourself and all of us a favor, and just ask her out.

_(EPISODE FOUR: LAMPTON and CONDOR are at the PIZZERA)_

CONDOR: You gonna kiss me yet?

LAMPTON: I was thinkin' about it

_(CONDOR kisses LAMPTON)_

_(EPISODE THREE: HANSON is behind a wall listening to LAMPTON and CONDOR as CONDOR asks LAMPTON out. He looks upset then exits out to his car where PENHALL is waiting for him.)_

PENHALL: I thought you went to go and get your hat

HANSON: Couldn't find it, let's go

_(HANSON and PENHALL get into the car and drive off)_

_OPENING CREDITS_

_JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. HANSON, PENHALL, HOFFS, and IOKI are sitting at their various desks, "BLOWFISH" is cleaning. LAMPTON enters._

HOFFS: Hey, Priss, how was your long weekend?

LAMPTON: Great, I mean it was just what me and Emma needed. Now she doesn't have abandonment issues, got some good one-on-one time with her mommy

HANSON: You're officially guilt free

LAMPTON: Well that too

_(LAMPTON sits at her desk, which is covered with folders and various other forms of paperwork)_

LAMPTON: Well I've see you've all been busy _(Pause)_ Hey, Jude, wasn't this your case?

HOFFS: We worked that one together, Priss, remember

LAMPTON: Oh, yeah, maybe. They're all starting to run _(Pause)_ Penhall! I know this one was yours!

PENHALL: Maybe you shouldn't leave for a long weekend without telling us

LAMPTON: Hey! I told you guys!

PENHALL: Yeah, on your way out

LAMPTON: Yeah, but there was a mention. I could have just left.

IOKI: You should have just left without telling us. We'd never pile paperwork on a sick man

LAMPTON: Now you tell me

HANSON: You really gotta learn to work the system

LAMPTON: I'm all ears

HANSON: Oh, don't think I'm just gonna impart months worth of knowledge that I earned through blood, sweat, and tears, to you for nothing

LAMPTON: I was kinda hoping you would _(Pause, smiles)_ I'm cute

HANSON: Totally not relevant

LAMPTON: Wait

HANSON: What?

LAMPTON: You think I'm cute!

HANSON: No, what, I never said that!

LAMPTON: You said it wasn't relevant, implying that you think that!

HANSON:_ (Stands up) _You're twisting my words _(Walks away to file something)_

LAMPTON: _(Stands up and follows HANSON) (Chanting)_ Hanson thinks I'm cute! Hanson thinks I cute!

HANSON: What is this, second grade?

LAMPTON: Basically. Because you think I'm cute.

_(HANSON and LAMPTON exit)_

PENHALL: Oye Vey

HOFFS: You'd think one of them would have a clue. At some point during the day, you'd think that little light bulb would go off

PENHALL: But it doesn't

IOKI: Maybe if we used a sledgehammer

"BLOWFISH": I think that only works in cartoons

HOFFS: Oye vey

PENHALL: Oye

"BLOWFISH": Anyone thinking that we should do something about the oye vey?

_("BLOWFISH", IOKI, PENHALL, and HOFFS stand up from their desks and begin moving about the CHAPEL.)_

HOFFS: What's there to do? I mean, the boy is crushing bad. I don't know if Ed McMan holding a big foam check could distract him at this point.

PENHALL: What if we just set him up on some blind dates, y'know, let him see what's out there. I mean, how long has it been since the man has been on a date?

IOKI: Too long

"BLOWFISH": No kidding, the man has been living like a monk

PENHALL: And in a romantic comedy his diligence would be rewarded, but in real life the man is screwed

HOFFS: I've got a couple of friends I could call up. They've been begging me to set them up with somebody forever now.

PENHALL: Well, this way, you'll kill two birds with one stone

HOFFS: Well, I'd feel bad but efficiency is a vital part of a penniless existence, so until they raise the salaries of public servants

PENHALL: And we use the word servants literally

HOFFS: Thank-you, Douglas, but until they raise our salaries, I'm gonna have to do a few heartless things to ensure survival.

IOKI: I applaud your reasoning to get yourself out of feeling guilt for setting your friends up on a hopeless date with a clueless love sick puppy in order to get them to stop bugging you

HOFFS: Why thank you

"BLOWFISH": I could call up some of my wife's single friends. They're loads of fun.

IOKI: I think he's being sarcastic

HOFFS: But he's offering up some good, stable girls for Hanson

PENHALL: She means that her friends might be less then stable

HOFFS: I never said that

PENHALL: But you strongly implied it

HOFFS: But never actually said

PENHALL: And if anyone ever asks me, that's just what I'll say

HOFFS: Good

PENHALL: Well, I also have some stable girls I could set up with Hanson. I can think of at least three right now.

HOFFS: Girls that are still speaking to you?

PENHALL: Yes, I find it very easy to be friends with the opposite sex

HOFFS: Seriously?

IOKI: Those are the girls that wouldn't go out with him on a real date

HOFFS: Now that makes sense

PENHALL: Hey! You're my friend

HOFFS: For a fee

PENHALL: Whatever, Iokage, man, you got any girls you think Hanson might go for?

IOKI: Yeah, I've got a few

HOFFS: Girls that Hanson would like?

IOKI: Yeah!

HOFFS: Really?

IOKI: _(to PENHALL)_ Seriously, man, what do you see in her?

PENHALL: I find that woman are more apt to talk to me if I have another girl with me, playing the friend, y'know? That way they see that I am in touch with my feminine side enough to be just friends with a woman.

IOKI: Genius, why didn't I think of this?

PENHALL: You don't have the gift, my friend

IOKI: The gift?

_(HANSON enters and walks back to his desk. HOFFS and PENHALL begin to frantically motion at each other for someone to say something to start the conversation, HANSON does not notice)_

HOFFS: Hey, Hanson, I have this friend, Eva, and she's been begging me to set her up with someone forever. You see, she's kinda got this thing for cops

PENHALL: Kinky thing

HOFFS: _(Questioning)_ Kinky thing?

PENHALL: _(Nods)_ Kinky thing

HOFFS: Yes, a kinky thing for cops, and I thought about you

HANSON: What about Penhall? That sounds right up his alley

PENHALL: Well

HOFFS: Why would I do that to one of my dear, dear friends? Seriously, you really think I'm that cruel?

IOKI: She's got a point

PENHALL: Thanks, guys, really

HANSON: Is she like _(makes crazy hand gestures)_

HOFFS: Oh, come on, Hanson, would you just do this little favor for me?

HANSON: Fine, fine, all right, what's one date

HOFFS: Thank-you, I'll give you the details later tonight

HANSON: Okay, whatever

IOKI: You know, come to think of it, I've got a couple of girls that have been bugging me to set them up too

HANSON: And let me guess, I'm just their type

IOKI: Strangely yes

HANSON: Funny how that worked out

IOKI: So you mind if I give your name

HANSON: Something tells me your gonna set me up anyways

IOKI: Thanks, man. You have no idea how much they've been bugging me to find them somebody, and you know what I never thought to look right under my nose.

HANSON: Funny

_(LAMPTON enters)_

LAMPTON: What is?

HANSON: Ioki and Hoffs are

_(FULLER enters and interrupts HANSON)_

FULLER: All right, listen up guys

PENHALL: What? No yelling?

FULLER: Keep talking and there might be

PENHALL: And I'm shutting up now

FULLER: The accountants have been going over the books again

IOKI: Uh-oh

FULLER: You got it, Harry

HOFFS: Is everything okay, Captain?

FULLER: Well, for now, it is. But the department is running short on funds. They have to cut another program to break even

HANSON: And let me guess, we're on the chopping block

FULLER: All new programs are

LAMPTON: What's gonna happen?

FULLER: Internal Affairs will be conducting interviews of all non-priority programs. Each one of you will be interviewed. They have to figure out which program can afford to be cut.

"BLOWFISH": Including me?

FULLER: Including you, Sal

"BLOWFISH": But I'm just a maintenance engineer

FULLER: You're apart of this program

PENHALL: And let's face it, janitor's get the inside track. They hear and see everything. They know all.

"BLOWFISH": Janitor's don't know squat. But maintenance engineers know all

PENHALL: I'm sorry, forgive me

HOFFS: Whatever guys, Captain, when are these interviews starting?

FULLER: When they show up

LAMPTON: You mean they didn't tell you

FULLER: We're supposed to appear natural

HANSON: So they could be walking through those doors any minute now and we're all just sitting around here doing nothing

_(EVERYONE looks at each other. EVERYONE turns and stares at the door. EVERYONE begins a mad scramble to their desks, tossing papers about and trying to look busy)_

FULLER: So, uh, good work, people

PENHALL: Well, of course, we do nothing but good, efficient work

LAMPTON: More like super efficient work

HANSON: Don't get distracted by talking about work

LAMPTON: Right

_(EVERYONE works in silence)_

LAMPTON: Raise your hand if you think this is crazy

_(EVEYRONE raises their hands)_

HOFFS: Then what are we supposed to do until they get here?

IOKI: What if we just act normally?

_(EVERYONE pauses in thought)_

_(EVERYONE begins laughing hysterically)_

EVERYONE: Nah

IOKI: I don't know what I was thinking

PENHALL: That was pretty crazy, man

HANSON: No kidding

_(ENTER OFFICERS LILY STEVENS, ERIC WILSON, and STEVE JOLIE. STEVE JOLIE coughs.)_

_(EVERYONE stops laughing)_

PENHALL: And scene

STEVE JOLIE: Hello I'm Officer Steven Jolie, _(motions to each officer as he says their names) _this is Officers Wilson and Stevens. We're from internal affairs.

_(STEVE JOLIE and FULLER shake hands)_

FULLER: I'm Captain Adam Fuller, it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance

STEVE JOLIE: All right, Jumpstreet, we will be with you for roughly one week. This process should be painless, don't worry, we mean no harm. _(Awkwardly chuckles, HANSON, PENHALL, HOFFS, IOKI, "BLOWFISH", and LAMPTON exchange looks) _Anyway, we will start by observing your department in action, and then we will begin individual interviews of each officer. All right?

FULLER: Of course, we were just about to have a status meeting

_(FULLER motions towards the conference table. HOFFS, IOKI, HANSON, LAMPTON, PENHALL, and "BLOWFISH" begin grabbing folders of paperwork and rushes to the table. LILY STEVENS, ERIC WILSON, and STEVE JOLIE follow pulling out pads of paper and pens)_

FULLER: Sal, what are you doing here?

"BLOWFISH": _(Nervously) _I thought you wanted a status meeting

FULLER: Yeah, on cases. Not janitorial work.

"BLOWFISH": Well now that we have that clear, I'm gonna go and clean the bathrooms. Because everyone knows that a clean bathroom means a efficient and irreplaceable police program

FULLER: Thanks, Sal

_("BLOWFISH" exits)_

FULLER: All right, guys. Hanson and Penhall, where are you on the Lincoln case?

HANSON: _(Hands FULLER a folder) _As you can see by our status report, we have isolated the source of the drugs in the school

PENHALL: Will Gardener and his girlfriend, Danielle Porter

HANSON: We're hoping they can lead us to the bigger fish, however, so if you don't mind us holding off on the arrest for a couple of days?

FULLER: Can you get it done in a couple of days?

HANSON: If all goes to plan, then yes

PENHALL: If not, we can bring them both in and hopefully they'll give up the source in exchange for a lesser sentence

FULLER: Are you sure they wouldn't do that now?

HASNON: If we take them in now there's about three other underlings waiting in the wings to take over the head position. Unless we can take out the big fish, drugs are still gonna get into that school

FULLER: All right, give it another couple of days, then I want you bringing them in

HANSON: Sure thing, Captain

FULLER: And Ioki and Hoffs, you two are down at Catholic Central, right?

HOFFS: Yes, Captain _(hands FULLER a folder)_

IOKI: We've made contact with the kids we think are responsible for all of the robberies around campus. We just have to wait to get the invite and watch them in action.

FULLER: All right, any other suspects?

HOFFS: We've cleared everyone else we suspected

FULLER: All right then, Lampton, first off how was your long weekend?

LAMPTON: Very good, Captain, thank-you for the time off.

FULLER: And you're still on paperwork, correct?

LAMPTON: Correct. I should be finished by the end of the day.

FULLER: All right then, guys, get to it

STEVE JOLIE: I hate to interject, but aren't all of you supposed to be in school right now?

HOFFS: Parent-teacher conferences, there is no school today

STEVE JOLIE: For both schools?

HANSON: Both

STEVE JOLIE: And you're not out with the suspects?

PENHALL: Well _(looks the clock) _it's only eight in the morning. None of them are up yet.

HANSON: _(Interjecting quickly) _But we are supposed to meet up around one with the kids today

STEVE JOLIE: All right _(makes a note on his pad of paper) _

_(EVERYONE returns to work awkwardly while STEVE JOLIE, LILY STEVENS, and ERIC WILSON walk around the CHAPEL making notes on their pads of paper.)_

_LATER. CONDOR'S APARTMENT.LAMPTON and CONDOR are sitting on CONDOR'S COUCH eating lunch. _

CONDOR: You okay, Priss, you seem a bit frazzled

LAMPTON: Internal Affairs

CONDOR: Is always watching?

LAMPTON: Is at the Chapel always watching

CONDOR: Oh, I heard about that. Jumpstreet is up on the chopping block? I thought it was the Mayor's little pet project

LAMPTON: The Jumpstreet Program is always on the chopping block. We're small and we're controversial. But we are not the Mayor's pet.

CONDOR: Well nearly arresting his daughter might have gotten you off his Christmas list, but I think you'll always be his little pet

LAMPTON: Why aren't you more concerned?

CONDOR: Because Internal Affairs never bothers Narcotics. We're a must-have program.

LAMPTON: I meant for me

CONDOR: Because you're cute when you're frazzled

LAMPTON: I just hate having them there. And they're supposed to interview us. What am I going to say? I'm not good at stuff like that!

CONDOR: You talk incessantly

LAMPTON: _(LAMPTON playfully pushes him) _Hey!

CONDOR: And I love every minute of it

LAMPTON: Of course you do

CONDOR: You'll do fine

LAMPTON: I just want this to be over

CONDOR: I know. And Jumpstreet will be fine. _(Pause) _Now if you had actually arrested the Mayor's daughter then there might be trouble

LAMPTON: Just eat your sandwich

CONDOR: So, seeing as how this is about our fifteenth billion lunch date, have I earned an evening out with the incandescently beautiful Officer Priscilla Lampton?

LAMPTON: Trying to butter me up, are you?

CONDOR: Only slightly

LAMPTON: Maybe

CONDOR: Maybe even a sleepover?

LAMPTON: And what's so wrong with a little Afternoon Delight? I mean, it had a whole song devoted it to. How many songs are devoted to sleepovers?

CONDOR: About all the other ones not written by Disney

LAMPTON: Well, when Emma attends her first slumber party birthday party, I'll let you know

CONDOR: Any of those coming up soon?

LAMPTON: I'll let you know

CONDOR: You sure you can't just set up a little play date sleep over with one of her friends?

_(CONDOR begins to kiss LAMPTON'S cheeks, shoulders, etc.)_

LAMPTON: You can't kiss your way into a sleepover

CONDOR: I believe that's how it works, we call it foreplay

_(CONDOR continues to kiss LAMPTON in the same fashion. LAMPTON puts down her sandwich and wraps her arms around CONDOR.)_

LAMPTON: You can kiss your way into my pants right now, however

CONDOR: I thought that's what I was doing

LAMPTON: Just reminding you of where my lips are located

_(LAMPTON and CONODR lower down on to the couch and out of camera)_

_LATER. JUMPSTREET CHAPEL, FULLER'S OFFICE. LILY STEVENS is behind FULLER'S desk. PENHALL sits awkwardly across from her._

LILY STEVENS: Officer Douglas Penhall, it's a pleasure to meet you

PENHALL: Yeah, uh, likewise

LILY STEVENS: All right, Officer Penhall, I just need to ask you a few simple questions, it's nothing to worry about

PENHALL: Uh-huh

LILY STEVENS: Do you mind if I take notes?

PENHALL: Ahh, no

LILY STEVENS: All right, Officer Penhall what is your role in the Jumpstreet Program?

PENHALL: I'm an undercover cop

LILY STEVENS: And what exactly does a normal assignment entail?

PENHALL: Well, we go into a high school, make a big flashy entrance so that everybody notices us, then I make contact with the suspect

LILY STEVENS: Do you usually have a suspect going in?

PENHALL: Not always, sometimes. We usually have the type down, y'know? So that I can, uh, dress to match, y'know? Like if the scandal is with steroids, I come in as a jock, y'know.

LILY STEVENS: So what do you do after you make contact with the suspect?

PENHALL: Well we wait for them to screw up then we arrest them

LILY STEVENS: Have you or any other officer in this department had any issues with entrapment?

_(PENHALL'S demeanor changes from slightly nervous to agitated and confident.)_

PENHALL: No. Never.

LILY STEVENS: It would be tempting in that position for any cop

PENHALL: Not any of these cops

LILY STEVENS: All right, that's good to hear.

PENHALL: It shouldn't have to be asked

LILY STEVENS: Officer Penhall, do you like your job? Here at Jumpstreet, I mean.

PENHALL: What do you mean?

LILY STEVENS: If you had the chance to leave for another department would you?

PENHALL: Like I got a call today from the Chief of Police saying, Doug Penhall, I want you for whatever, would I take it?

LILY STEVENS: Exactly

PENHALL: No

LILY STEVENS: Why not?

PENHALL: Because I love my job. I love the fact that I am given an opportunity to help these kids before they can't even help themselves. Not everybody gets to do that.

LILY STEVENS: Do you think the Jumpstreet Program is a vital and effective program?

PENHALL: Yes

_LATER. HANSON is sitting in a RESTAURANT with EVA HARRIS._

HANSON: So, you're Judy's friend, huh?

EVA HARRIS: We've been friends since high school. Re-met her around two years ago and re-connected and all of that. She told me that you work with her down at the, the, the

HANSON: Police Station?

EVA HARRIS: Yes, that's it. Well she needed a place, happened upon my real-estate agency, and _(cell phone rings)_ Excuse me, I have to take this (_answers phone before HANSON can respond)_ Eva Harris

_(Waiter approaches)_

WAITER: Would you like anything else sir?

HANSON: I'm all right, but, ah _(EVA HARRIS picks up dessert menu and points towards the chocolate cake)_ apparently she will have chocolate cake, though

EVA HARRIS: Uh-huh, yes, yes, Mr. Smith, I'll be sure to put your bid in right away, uh-huh, uh-huh, sure thing, all right, bye, bye. _(EVA HARRIS puts down the phone)_ So where were we?

HANSON: Umm

EVA HARRIS: Oh yeah, how me and Judy met! Well, I found her this cute little two bedroom duplex on Maple, well within her price range, I'm sure you've seen it, but anyways, we got to talking about the old days and everything just kinda clicked _(cell phone rings, EVA HARRIS answers)_ Eva Harris _(to HANSON)_ I hope you don't mind, but this market right now it like a real-estate agent's dream!

_(WAITER brings cake and sets it down. EVA HARRIS motions a "thank-you" and begins eating_ while she continues to talk. _HANSON looks bored, WAITER shoots him a sympathetic look)_

_FULLER'S OFFICE. PENHALL and LILY STEVENS stare at each other._

PENHALL: _(Breaking the silence)_ Do you have any other questions, Officer Stevens?

LILY STEVENS: Call me Lily

PENHALL: I think I'll stay with Officer Stevens, Officer Stevens

LILY STEVENS: All right then, if that suits you

PENHALL: Do you have any more questions, or can I return to my case, Officer Stevens?

LILY STEVENS: How is that case of yours going anyways, I seem to remember you were talking with Captain Fuller yesterday about possibly bringing in a bigger fish.

PENHALL: We're still casting

LILY STEVENS: And what about the kids that you're in with now, what's going to happen to them? I mean, obviously if you break cover with them to get the bigger fish they'll want clemency

PENHALL: Probably

LILY STEVENS: And what will you do? Will you grant them clemency? Personally expunge their record for them so that they can go off and live the rest of their drug-addicted lives like this never happened?

PENHALL: No

LILY STEVENS: Then what will you do, Officer Penhall?

PENHALL: Hand the information over to the DA, and depending on how much the suspects willingly help with the full knowledge of our police status and their minor status, we might recommend to the DA that they should consider certain factors when brining charges against them

LILY STEVENS: So you befriend them, and help them off the hook?

PENHALL: No

LILY STEVENS: Then why write the recommendation?

PENHALL: Because they are showing remorse

LILY STEVENS: You think a convict on death row doesn't show remorse?

PENHALL: I know they do, one of our kids was sent their once

LILY STEVENS: They must have miss placed your recommendation

PENHALL: Actually, one was never written in his case. He was a big time drug dealer responsible for multiple deaths. We write these recommendations for kids that deserve a second chance. Their actions do not go unpunished.

LILY STEVENS: So Marissa Thompson received a punishment for her actions, correct? Because this department would never give leniency to the Mayor's daughter simply because she is the Mayor's daughter.

PENHALL: She received community service teaching kids about the dangers of drugs. We believed it to be a win-win situation

LILY STEVENS: And her partner, Troy Addens?

PENHALL: Received jail time

LILY STEVENS: Interesting

PENHALL: He did not come to us. He had the chance, but he refused to come. Marissa came to us, gave up the source in exchange. She wanted immunity, but we wouldn't give her that

LILY STEVENS: No need to defend yourself, Officer Penhall, we just want to get a feel for this department

PENHALL: Well if you think that the Jumpstreet Program is about letting kids of the hook, then you're wrong

LILY STEVENS: I'm just taking notes, Officer Penhall

_THE NEXT DAY. JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. LAMPTON and HOFFS are sitting by HOFF'S desk looking over a case folder. ERIC WILSON hovers in the background._

LAMPTON: I just need you to sign off on a few things, Jude

HOFFS: Is this the Beaumont drug case?

LAMPTON: Yes it is

HOFFS: All right, where do I sign?

LAMPTON: _(Points to areas)_ Here, here, and here

HOFFS: All right _(signs)_ There you go, file away

LAMPTON: Thanks, Jude

HOFFS: How many more cases do you have to go?

LAMPTON: Well, we'll put it this way. If we could somehow turn the paper back into trees, I'd have enough to repopulate the entire Rainforest at least two times

HOFFS: Have fun, Priss

_(LAMPTON exits)_

_(PENHALL enters and walks over to HOFFS' DESK)_

PENHALL: Hey, Jude, how did, uh, yesterday go?

HOFFS: You mean for our puppy?

PENHALL: Yeah, how did little lovesick Fido do?

HOFFS: Crashed and burned

PENHALL: Really?

HOFFS: We'll just say that Fido will avoid any person somehow related to the real-estate agent field for a really long time. Maybe forever.

PENHALL: Ouch, and our willing participant?

HOFFS: Thinks it went great, but doesn't feel like they had a real connection. She blames herself, because she isn't ready for a relationship. Told me to break it to him softly, won't want to get his feelings hurt.

PENHALL: So, in short, she thinks she's dumping Fido?

HOFFS: I think it's for the best that I don't tell her

PENHALL: Probably. Who's next in line for Fido?

HOFFS: What about Roxie?

PENHALL: As in our mutual friend Roxie?

HOFFS: Well, she's a musician, and Hanson likes music

PENHALL: And just recently getting out of a two year relationship with our other friend Josh that has lead her to be on a Alannis writing binge is?

HOFFS: A minor detail

PENHALL: I call her

HOFFS: Already have, she's free for lunch today

PENHALL: I'll get Hanson

_JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. INTERROGATION ROOM. STEVE JOLIE and IOKI sit across from each other. STEVE JOLIE has a notepad which he makes notes on continuously throughout the interview._

STEVE JOLIE: So, how long have you been with the Jumpstreet program, Officer Ioki?

IOKI: Since it's start with Captain Jenko

STEVE JOLIE: I'm sorry about your loss, by the way, Captain Jenko was a good man from what I understand

IOKI: He was

STEVE JOLIE: Now, I understand you recently had a bit of trouble with the department

IOKI: If your alluding to my name fraud on my application, that matter was solved and I was cleared off all charges

STEVE JOLIE: But you did lie on your application

IOKI: I did, but only to get into the academy. I later made several attempts to fix this error in my judgement, which is what cleared me of the charges

STEVE JOLIE: So you think it was an okay thing for you to do then?

IOKI: I broke the law, Officer Jolie. I gave false information on my application to ensure my acceptance into the academy. Do I feel badly about it? Of course, I do. But I know, and you know, that if I had entered my information as a Vietnamese refugee that the academy would have never taken me. I believed that the bad would outweigh the good in that particular instance

STEVE JOLIE: You seem to have justified this

IOKI: I've made my peace with it.

STEVE JOLIE: Do you believe that the Jumpstreet program is a vital program to the department?

IOKI: Yes, and I am proud not only to be apart of it, but to have helped shape what it is

STEVE JOLIE: And what is it?

IOKI: A chance

STEVE JOLIE: For what?

IOKI: For kids to turn their lives around before things get too complicated, y'know? It's easier to reach them when they're young. We can do a lot of good.

_PIZZARIA. HANSON is sitting with ROXIE eating pizza._

ROXIE: So, he breaks up with me on a post-it. I kid you not. If you don't believe me I can show you the stupid post-it

HANSON: You kept it?

ROXIE: I find it inspirational

HANSON: For?

ROXIE: Angry break-up songs, they're selling like crazy right now

HANSON: Oh yeah, you're a musician, right?

ROXIE: Yeah, and seriously that lovey-dovey crap never went anywhere, but my venues have been selling out like mad ever since I've started singing about how much I hate my ex, Josh, AKA post-it note guy in about three quarters of my songs. It's becoming a little bit of a catch phrase around here, have you heard any jerk called a post-it note guy recently?

HANSON: Not that I can remember

ROXIE: Well look out for it

HANSON: And I'll make sure to say that I had lunch with the originator of that phrase

ROXIE: But seriously, a post-it, can you believe that? I mean how rude can you get? I suppose he could have just left without the post-it, but he could have at least put it on a proper sheet of paper and perhaps have stated a reason for why he left besides 'sorry, Roxie, it's not right'.

HANSON: Men are jerks

ROXIE: You're damn right. _(Laughs)_ Oh, except present company of course_ (ROXIE looks adoringly at HANSON, HANSON forces a smile)_ So, Tom, do you like to dance?

_(HANSON smiles weakly)_

_JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. LAMPTON is sitting at her desk finishing up the last few cases. LILY STEVENS hovers quietly in the background observing. PHOEBE and EMMA enter._

PHOEBE: Knock, knock

_(LAMPTON looks up)_

LAMPTON: Emma!

_(EMMA runs over to LAMPTON and gives LAMPTON a hug. LAMPTON kisses the top of EMMA'S head.)_

LAMPTON: And how is my number one girl?

EMMA: I'm your only girl

LAMPTON: But you're still my number one

EMMA: Mom

LAMPTON: Yes, Emma dear?

EMMA: You're being silly again

LAMPTON: But I'm always silly

PHOEBE: And someday you'll have to come to terms that you share one-half of those silly genes, Em.

LAMPTON: Hey, Pheebs, didn't mean to totally ignore you there

PHOEBE: Well, Emma is like a puppy. She's easy to focus on.

LAMPTON: You going out tonight?

PHOEBE: Yep, just dropping Emma off

LAMPTON: Thanks again

PHOEBE: No problem, _(kisses EMMA'S head)_ All right, well I'm leaving you now in the somewhat questionable care of your mother, kiddo.

EMMA: Bye Aunt Phoebe

_(PHOEBE exits)_

LAMPTON: Now, Emma, can you do mommy a favor?

EMMA: What?

LAMPTON: Can you draw me the biggest, most prettiest picture you have ever drawn while mommy finishes up some of this boring work?

EMMA: Okay

LAMPTON:_ (Pulls out a piece of paper) _Okay, here's a piece of paper. Do you have your crayons?

EMMA: Yep _(Pulls crayons out of her backpack)_

LAMPTON: All right, now, get to it, babe

EMMA: Aye, aye

_(HOFFS enters)_

HOFFS: Hey, Priss, have you seen Hanson?

LAMPTON: Isn't he on a case?

HOFFS: Yeah, but I need to ask him something

LAMPTON: Oh, could I help you or is it just something that he knows

HOFFS: Sorry, no, it's a question about his case

LAMPTON: I think I saw Penhall around earlier

HOFFS: He went out for the night

LAMPTON: Oh

EMMA: Hi Aunt Judy

HOFFS: Oh, Emma, I didn't even see you there! You're really quiet.

EMMA: I'm concentrating

LAMPTON: She's drawing me the prettiest picture ever while I finish up this paperwork

HOFFS: Oh, hey, Priss, you can finish that up tomorrow

LAMPTON: I know, I just want to get it all done in case a new case comes in

HOFFS: Well is that the most recent case you did?

LAMPTON: Yeah

HOFFS: Then don't worry about it, you and Emma can just head home. If we do get a new case in, most likely you won't be going out right tomorrow anyways

LAMPTON: All right, you wanna go home, Emma?

EMMA: But I'm not finished

LAMPTON: You can finish on the way home, babe

EMMA: Okay

_(LAMPTON gathers up belongings)_

LAMPTON: Goodnight, Jude

HOFFS: See you tomorrow, Priss

_(LAMPTON exits)_

_(HOFFS sits down at her desk)_

_(HANSON enters)_

HANSON: Seriously, Judy?

HOFFS: Seriously what?

HANSON: Roxie?

HOFFS: Isn't she a cool girl? She's so funny. Me and Doug just adore her.

HANSON: Have you met her?

HOFFS: Yeah, it'd be hard to adore someone you'd never met and is not a celebrity

HANSON: The girl's crazy

HOFFS: Really?

HANSON: Yeah

HOFFS: Is she still on that break-up thing?

HANSON: With Josh, AKA "post-it guy"

HOFFS: _(Laughs)_ Oh, I forgot she called him that

HANSON: Judy, do me a favor and not set me up with any more of your friends

HOFFS: I could set you up with Josh, he's more of Penhall's friend then he is mine, especially after the break-up

HANSON: No!

HOFFS: Well you seemed to be striking out with all the girls

HANSON: That doesn't mean that I like guys

HOFFS: You could, I don't know. We really don't talk about this all that often.

HANSON: And this would be why

_(IOKI enters)_

IOKI: Hey, Hanson, I set you up with my friend, Laurie

HANSON: Uh, no more blind dates. I'm not that much of a pity case, guys

IOKI: You sure?

HANSON: Uh-yeah

IOKI: She's a yoga instructor

HANSON: Maybe I could try one more time

IOKI: Atta boy

**_END PART ONE._**

* * *

**_Please review.  
Part two up soon!_**


	10. 5: For Every Action, part 2

_RESTURANT. HANSON and LAURIE sit across from each other at a table in silence. LAURIE looks relaxed, HANSON looks nervous and awkward._

_(After a moment)_

LAURIE: See?

HANSON: Yes, I could practically feel my aura being cleansed as we sat there in silence

LAURIE: And think of what wonders it could do if you do the week of silence like I do at least once or twice a month. It's a shame that more people don't practice the silence exercise, the world would be a lot better place if people could just stop with their busy lives for one moment, don't you think?

HANSON: I know I'm gonna tell everyone about this

LAURIE: I'm glad. So, Tom, you're a Police Officer?

HANSON: Yea, I work with Harry

LAURIE: Yes, he did mention that

HANSON: So, when you're practicing silence

LAURIE: Yes?

HANSON: What if something happens where you have to talk?

LAURIE: No one has to talk

HANSON: Let's say you're being kidnapped

LAURIE: Well then I hope that world is not in just a sad state as not to notice a poor innocent girl being taken against her will. And I'd also have to believe that someone would be capable of taking a complete stranger

HANSON: Hate to crush the roses, but people are quite capable

LAURIE: Of taking people that they know, and I don't know anyone that would take me. I already give all that I have.

HANSON: Oh, oh okay

LAURIE: I feel that it is important for people to give back to their friends

HANSON: Me too

_(A waiter passes by with a tray full of steaks. LAURIE begins praying)_

HANSON: What are you doing?

LAURIE: Shh

_(LAURIE finishes)_

LAURIE: I'm sorry, I just had to pray for those poor little innocent souls. I don't understand how people can eat meat!

HANSON: Me neither. The barbarity.

_(WAITER appears)_

WAITER: And mixed greens for the lady_ (sets salad down in front of LAURIE)_ And our delectable Salisbury steak for the gentleman _(sets steak down in front of HANSON)_

_(LAURIE looks upset and begins praying again)_

HANSON: This was a guilty cow. Mean spirited thing. Used to tip other cows.

_(LAURE looks more upset)_

HANSON: You're praying for me now, aren't you?

LAURIE: No_ (Motions to HANSON'S PLATE)_ and Shh!

HANSON: Right, silence exercise.

_THE NEXT DAY. JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. HOFFS and PENHALL sit at their desk going through their address books._

HOFFS: What about Addy? I like Addy

PENHALL: Addy? The girl that bakes cookies for the neighborhood kids?

HOFFS: What, I think that's sweet

PENHALL: You can practically hear that woman's biological clock ticking the second you enter that house. In fact, I swear you can hear it within a ten-mile radius all around her.

HOFFS: What who have you got?

PENHALL: Well, Bambi's been lookin' for a relationship

HOFFS: No

PENHALL: Why?

HOFFS: The woman's name is Bambi!

PENHALL: That's discrimination! Bambi's a perfectly lovely young girl

HOFFS: And her occupation is

PENHALL: Dancer

HOFFS: If I don't get Addy, you don't get Bambi

PENHALL: All right, I have to put my best friend's interests first

HOFFS: Okay, what about

_(STEVE JOLIE enters)_

HOFFS: _(Awkwardly finishing her sentence) _the restraining order?

PENHALL: Well, you're just gonna have to work around it, Jude

HOFFS: Okay, good, good work, Officer Penhall. We certainly avoided that problem. Yeah.

PENHALL: Go us

_(HOFFS and PENHALL sit in awkward silence)_

HOFFS: You know what, I think I left some case folders in my car. You mind helping me carrying them in, Penhall?

PENHALL: Well, sure, Jude! I'd love to help!

(PENHALL and HOFFS exit)

(HANSON enters and sits at his desk, oblivious to what's going on around him)

_("BLOWFISH" and IOKI enter and walk through the CHAPEL as they talk)_

"BLOWFISH": So you set him up with the yoga instructor?

IOKI: Yeah, I thought him and Laurie would get along really well

"BLOWFISH": Promise me something, would you, Ioki?

IOKI: What?

"BLOWFISH": Never become a matchmaker

_("BLOWFISH and IOKI exit)_

_(HOFFS and PENHALL enter and walk through the CHAPEL as they talk)_

HOFFS: You know, I could have sworn I but that box in there this morning

PENHALL: That's all right, Judy, I'll help you carry in the box tomorrow.

HOFFS: So we settled on Rachel

PENHALL: Rachel would be perfect _(loudly) _For the case

HOFFS: _(Even louder) _Yes, for the case

_(HOFFS and PENHALL exit)_

_("BLOWFISH" and IOKI enter, IOKI following "BLOWFISH" and walk the opposite direction they had originally)_

IOKI: Rory and Patrick, they're married with two kids! Count them, one, two!

"BLOWFISH": It was just a joke, man

IOKI: Kirk and Emily, they've been dating for over a year now

"BLOWFISH": Oh, but no marriage?

IOKI: He's been shopping a lot recently

"BLOWFISH": Harry, it was just a joke

IOKI: And Michelle and Molly are happy

"BLOWFISH": Michelle and Molly? Before I get too excited about the prospect of you being friends with girls that like other girls, tell me if Michelle is French or not. Cause I've heard that in France, Michael is pronounced like Michelle

_(IOKI and "BLOWFISH" exit, "BLOWFISH" following IOKI)_

_(Enter LAMPTON and FULLER looking at a toy catalog walking through the CHAPEL)_

FULLER: So you're saying that my niece would like a Polly Pocket better then a Ninja Turtle?

LAMPTON: A lot better. And make it a pink Polly Pocket. Polka dots encouraged.

FULLER: But where would I find a Polly Pocket?

LAMPTON:_ (Flips ahead a couple of pages)_ There

FULLER: Oh

LAMPTON: That one

_(LAMPTON and FULLER exit)_

_(HOFFS and PENHALL enter walking through the CHAPEL as they talk)_

HOFFS: Trisha

PENHALL: No Cindy

HOFFS: What about Marsha?

PENHALL: A parent seriously named their kid Marsha?

HOFFS: Well somebody named their kid Cindy

PENHALL: Yeah, but at least Cindy didn't have a tagline

HOFFS: She's still a Brady

PENHALL: Marsha, Marsha, Marsha!

_(HOFFS and PENHALL exit)_

STEVE JOLIE: Officer Hanson?

HANSON: Huh?

STEVE JOLIE: Is this normal?

HANSON: What?

(IOKI and "BLOWFISH" enter arguing, HOFFS and PENHALL enter arguing, and LAMPTON and FULLER enter with LAMPTON listing off toys and FULLER taking notes)

STEVE JOLIE: This

HANSON: They're just talking. It's what we're doing right now.

LAMPTON: _(to FULLER)_ Oh, and I know that your son would love the new Van Halen CD, he's at the right age, and it's awesome.

FULLER: _(to LAMPTON)_ Van Halen? The hair band?

LAMPTON: _(to FULLER)_ They're all hair bands

FULLER: _(to LAMPTON)_ Oh, what about for my ex-wife?

LAMPTON: _(to FULLER)_ Did the marriage end on bad terms?

FULLER: _(to LAMPTON)_ Oh yeah

LAMPTON_: (to FULLER)_ Whose part?

FULLER: _(to LAMPTON)_ Mine, why?

LAMPTON: _(to FULLER)_ Because if it was her fault you won't have to get her anything, but since it was yours I'd say a nice bottle of perfume.

FULLER: _(to LAMPTON) _What if it was mutual?

LAMPTON: _(to FULLER)_ Cheese of the month package deal

FULLER: _(to LAMPTON)_ What about jewelry?

LAMPTON: _(to FULLER)_ Implies relationship, perfume implies friendship. Maybe you could add in some Christmas flowers for an "I'm sorry" part. No roses.

HOFFS: _(to PENHALL)_ If I don't get Marsha, you don't get Cindy!

PENHALL: _(to HOFFS) _So it's agreed, no Brady names

HOFFS: _(to PENHALL)_ And I'm not a big fan of the name Jeannie, either

PENHALL: _(to HOFFS)_ What about Samantha, she was a witch. Jeannie was a Genie

HOFFS: _(to PENHALL)_ And I won't want a Ginger to come in and sweep Fido off his paws

PENHALL: _(to HOFFS) _Maybe we should rule out all names that appear on Nick at Nite

HOFFS: _(to PENHALL) _Agreed

"BLOWFISH": _(to IOKI) _You introduced Demi Moore and Bruce Willis?

IOKI: _(to "BLOWFISH") _Yeah, I went to high school with Demi and I met Bruce when I was working down in LA at this really bad Chicken Joint. I mean it would seriously make KFC look like a five star establishment.

"BLOWFISH": _(to IOKI) _You still know them?

IOKI: _(to "BLOWFISH") _Nah, we've fallen out of touch, but they did promise me Godfather for one of their kids

"BLOWFISH": _(to IOKI) _Wow

_LATER. HANSON is sitting in a RESTURANT with RACHEL eating._

RACHEL: So, you're a cop

HANSON: Yea

RACHEL: With Judy and Doug

HANSON: Yep

_(Awkward pause)_

HANSON: So you're a teacher

RACHEL: Yep

HANSON: What grade?

RACHEL: Kindergarten

HANSON: Huh, I really don't remember kindergarten

RACHEL: It's a great age. You have any kids?

HANSON: Who me? No.

RACHEL: It really is a great age. Really cute.

HANSON: I'm sure

_(Awkward pause)_

RACHEL: So

HANSON: About that

_(HANSON and RACHEL look around the room.)_

RACHEL: Check?

HANSON: Please God

_RESTAURANT. HANSON is on dates with various girls in various restaurants. With each date his outfit changes. He starts out with a pained expression on his face, which later evolves into bored._

_HARRIET DATE._

HARRIET: I just love Sal, he's such a good husband, don't you think?

_JULIET DATE (HANSON sits a little lower in his chair)._

HANSON: I think that Shakespeare is interesting

JULIET: Me thinkest thou is lying

_EMILY DATE (HASNON sits a little lower in his chair)_

EMILY: And you know what, he never called. Can you believe that? He'd said he'd call, but he never did. What kind of jerk does that. I mean what an

_BECKY DATE (HANSON sits even lower in his chair)._

BECKY: Ass. Mary and Joseph had an ass with them.

HANSON: Ass meaning donkey?

BECKY: Duh

HANSON: Just checking

_INTERROGATION ROOM. LILY STEVENS is interviewing "BLOWFISH"._

LILY STEVENS: So you're the janitor here

"BLOWFISH": Maintenance engineer

LILY STEVENS: Right

"BLOWFISH": Is that all you need?

LILY STEVENS: Does the Jumpstreet Chapel seem to run efficiently?

"BLOWFISH": Now that I'm here, it runs like clockwork

LILY STEVENS: So you're vital to the program?

"BLOWFISH": Exactly

LILY STEVENS: All right

"BLOWFISH": Good

_(LILY STEVENS writes on her pad of paper. She looks up and sees "BLOWFISH" still sitting in his chair waiting for her to say something)._

LILY STEVENS: We're done here, Mr. Bonaduci

"BLOWFISH": Right

_("BLOWFISH" exits)_

_SYLIVA DATE (HANSON sits even lower in his chair). SYLIVA and HANSON sit in silence._

SYLVIA: _(After a moment)_ I like dogs

_(HANSON begins drinking his wine quickly then motions for another)_

_JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. HOFFS is sitting across from LILY STEVENS. LILY STEVENS is taking notes on a pad of paper throughout the interview._

LILY STEVENS: Well, Officer Hoffs, I've heard nothing but praise about you

HOFFS: Thank-you, Officer Stevens

LILY STEVENS: You're superiors have nothing but good things to say about you, your colleagues respect you, you do good work

HOFFS: Thank-you

LILY STEVENS: And from what I've gathered you could have a job anywhere you want

HOFFS: I suppose

LILY STEVENS: So?

HOFFS: I like my job here, Officer Stevens

LILY STEVENS: Even if you could get a more glamorous or a better paying job?

HOFFS: The pay doesn't bother me, I've survived off less, and I don't need glamour, Officer Stevens. I didn't become a cop for glamour, I'm not that naïve. I became a cop to make a difference, and I really believe that I am making a difference here at Jumpstreet.

LILY STEVENS: Making a difference in a fellow officer's love life?

HOFFS: Excuse me?

LILY STEVENS: We're not idiots, Officer Hoffs. We know what you and Officer Penhall have been talking about the past couple of days, and it has nothing to do with police matters.

HOFFS: We're merely attempting to help a friend out. It's not affecting our work in the least, and we're doing something nice for a friend.

LILY STEVENS: So it's not detracting from your work?

HOFFS: Not in the least

LILY STEVENS: So you've made the arrest?

HOFFS: Not yet, Officer Stevens

LILY STEVENS: Then perhaps you should focus less on your social life and more on your job, Officer Hoffs

HOFFS: Perhaps you should focus more on the department then on one officer, Officer Stevens.

LILY STEVENS: Interesting, Officer Hoffs, very interesting.

_HANSON'S DATES. MARLENE DATE. HANSON has a lot of empty wine glasses around him._

MARLENE: So, I told her, what are you a nurse? Nobody wears white after Labor Day!

SANDRA DATE.

SANDRA: So, I recently played girl number four in the Community Theater's presentation of "Grease", and before that I was elf number fifteen in "Santa Claus" also at the Community Theater. But things are really picking up for me. I mean, I've had offers to be bystanders on "Law and Order" a lot.

HANSON: Wow

SANDRA: I know, and everybody knows what happens after you're a bystander on "Law and Order"

HANSON: Then you're what?

SANDRA: _(Laughs and sorts)_ Oh, I always forget when I'm out on a date with non-Thespians, you play the dead person on "Law and Order".

HANSON: Oh wow, the dead person

SANDRA: Totally. I mean it's like such a great break to play the dead person. You have no idea how many careers have been started from it.

HANSON: Like who?

SANDRA: _(Pauses in thought)_ Well I can't think of any right now

_MARGE DATE. HANSON has even more empty glasses around him._

MARGE: I wonder why they call it a date. I mean a date is merely a numerical value associated with a given day. And really how do we know that the numerical value is right. I mean who says that there is such a thing as a leap year? Or that certain months should have thirty-one days and others shouldn't! I'll tell you who, Big Brother that's who!

_(HANSON motions for the check)_

_HANSON'S APARTMENT. HANSON enters after his last date. He walks in, picks up the paper, and listens to his answering machine._

ANSWERING MACHINE: You have one new message

PENHALL: _(over ANSWERING MACHINE)_ All right, Hanson, buddy, friend, man, dude, have I got the girl for you!

_(HANSON cuts off PENHALL'S message by pressing delete)_

ANSWERING MACHINE: Message deleted

_(HANSON sets paper down and begins hitting his head against the table)_

_(PHONE RINGS)_

_(HANSON picks up the phone)_

HANSON: _(Wincing)_ Hello?

_(CUT TO LAMPTON sitting in CHAPEL alone. CUT back and forth between HANSON and LAMPTON depending on who's talking)_

LAMPTON: Hanson?

HANSON: Oh, thank god, it's just you, Priss

LAMPTON: Don't know whether to be pleased or insulted by that greeting

HANSON: Trust me, it's a good thing

LAMPTON: Can you do me a really big favor?

HANSON: Sure, no problem, Lampton

LAMPTON: Do you still have notes on that last case we worked together, Emma colored on some of mine.

HANSON: Yeah, sure, you still filling out that paperwork?

LAMPTON: Yeah, this is my last one, though!

HANSON: Yeah, you need it tonight or can I get that to you tomorrow morning?

LAMPTON: Actually, are they still at the chapel?

HANSON: Yeah, why?

LAMPTON: Cause I'm here, and if you could tell me where they are

HANSON: You're still at the chapel?

LAMPTON: Yeah

HANSON: What about Emma? She there with you?

LAMPTON: Nah, she's having her very fist slumber party tonight

HANSON: Oh, all right, the papers are in my desk, the file should be labeled

LAMPTON: Ah, organization, I like that in a man

HANSON: Don't say that to Judy or Penhall, they might just start advertising that part of my personality

LAMPTON: What?

HANSON: Oh, it's nothing, just this whole blind date marathon thing

LAMPTON: What blind date marathon thing?

HANSON: You haven't heard from your gal pal Judy?

LAMPTON: No, and please god never refer to us as gal pals again

HANSON: Hoffs, Penhall, Ioki, and "Blowfish" have taken it upon themselves to find me a girl.

LAMPTON: Well you have been looking rather lonely lately

HANSON: I'm not a monk

LAMPTON:_ (Laughs)_ Sure, whatever you say, Hanson. You don't have to take vows to be a monk.

HANSON: I'm just saying, I don't need anyone to find me a date

LAMPTON: So, seriously, how many dates have you been out on?

HANSON: I stopped counting after ten

LAMPTON: You mean you haven't started etching it into some random table?

HANSON: No, but I am on a first name basis with the wait staff now

LAMPTON: Wow

HANSON: I know

LAMPTON: Just say no

HANSON: Sorry, Nancy, you apparently have never tried saying no to Judy Hoffs

LAMPTON: Good point, forgot she was involved

HANSON: You see

LAMPTON: Well, I wish you luck and a mental breakdown

HANSON: Why a mental breakdown?

LAMPTON: If you have a mental breakdown you can't go out on anymore dates

HANSON: Actually, with these kinds of women, I'd fit right in.

_(CONDOR enters in CHAPEL)_

LAMPTON: Well, I wish you a lot of luck, Hanson, but I gotta go. Eli just got here and I've still got to finish up this paperwork before we can get out of here

HANSON: Oh, see you

LAMPTON: Bye

_(HANSON hangs up phone and sighs. A minute later he picks the phone back up and dials)._

HANSON: Hey, Penhall, man, I will go on one more date. This is the last one, though, all right? Just one.

_THE NEXT DAY. STEVE JOLIE sits in the INTERROGATION ROOM with LAMPTON. He has his pad of paper, which he continually makes notes in._

STEVE JOLIE: Officer Lampton

LAMPTON: Officer Jolie

STEVE JOLIE: It says here that this is your first year with the program

LAMPTON: That is correct

STEVE JOLIE: What do you think about the Jumpstreet program?

LAMPTON: I really love being apart of it. It's a great program.

STEVE JOLIE: Have any problems with your coworkers?

LAMPTON: No, no they're all really great people.

STEVE JOLIE: And what about your daughter?

LAMPTON: I really like her too, I guess.

STEVE JOLIE: No, I mean with the kind of hours you must keep, it must be hard being a single parent

LAMPTON: It's hard, but I can handle it

STEVE JOLIE: So there haven't been any special considerations given to you

LAMPTON: No, I'm just another cop

STEVE JOLIE: So everyone here is allowed time off on a whim

LAMPTON: I used my sick days, Officer Jolie.

STEVE JOLIE: And it was okay for you to just take off unexpectedly?

LAMPTON: I took a long weekend after I had finished a case, using my sick days. It's perfectly allowed.

STEVE JOLIE: Do you often take long weekends?

LAMPTON: That was the first time I had taken one

STEVE JOLIE: Do you intend to take more?

LAMPTON: I don't see what this has anything to do with the Jumpstreet program

STEVE JOLIE: You are apart of the Jumpstreet program, are you not?

LAMPTON: Yes

STEVE JOLIE: Then it's relevant

LAMPTON: _(Agitated)_ Perhaps, if the occasion calls for it

STEVE JOLIE: What if something were to happen to your daughter while you were on a case?

LAMPTON: What? Like she was practicing her trapeze act without a net again and broke her neck?

STEVE JOLIE: What?

LAMPTON: I'm kidding

STEVE JOLIE: I'm not

LAMPTON: Just trying to lighten the mood

STEVE JOLIE: What mood?

LAMPTON: This one

STEVE JOLIE: And how would you describe this mood that you're feeling?

LAMPTON:_ (Sighs) _I would be very upset if something where to happen to Emma while I was on a case

STEVE JOLIE: Upset enough to leave, maybe even break cover?

LAMPTON: What kind of injury are we talking about here?

STEVE JOLIE: Falling off a trapeze kind

LAMPTON: I would leave, get into the nearest car and drive to the hospital.

STEVE JOLIE: But would you break cover?

LAMPTON: If I had too, yeah _(STEVE JOLIE writes something down)_ Do you have any kids, Officer Jolie?

STEVE JOLIE: I don't

LAMPTON: Siblings, close friends, puppies?

STEVE JOLIE: I have a brother

LAMPTON: Are you close?

STEVE JOLIE: Yeah

LAMPTON: And let's say that your brother has suddenly been in a tragic car accident, you don't know if he's alive or dead, all you know is that he's in the hospital and nobody's talking. And let's say that this all happens while your undercover, a big drug bust, and you find out about your brother. What would you do?

STEVE JOLIE: This isn't about me

LAMPTON: Too late, it's already about you

STEVE JOLIE: I'd go

LAMPTON: And that's just your brother

STEVE JOLIE: I'm not judging, Officer Lampton

LAMPTON: I never said that you were

STEVE JOLIE: So, you don't believe that you recieve any special considerations because of your status as a single parent?

LAMPTON: No, why would you even think that?

STEVE JOLIE: I just find it intresting that you are the only one filling out paperwork while your peers work very hard on thier cases. I'm sure they wouldn't mind a hand.

LAMPTON: And I would be happy to give them both of mine if they asked

STEVE JOLIE: How long have you been working on that paperwork?

LAMPTON: Just a couple of days

STEVE JOLIE: Intresting

LAMPTON: I have a lot of catching up to do

STEVE JOLIE: And why would that be?

LAMPTON: Everyone always takes a couple of days every once in awhile when things are slow for paperwork. There's a lot of paperwork invovled with minors. It's no special circumstance.

STEVE JOLIE: I'm just making observations, Officer Lampton

LAMPTON: I just don't like the way you're observations seem to be headed, Officer Jolie

_JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. HOFFS, PENHALL, IOKI, and "BLOWFISH" are sitting around the conference table, each with address books out._

"BLOWFISH": We still haven't tried any of my girls

HOFFS: There's a reason for that, Sal

"BLOWFISH": And just what do you mean by that?

PENHALL: That they're all desperate to get married

IOKI: Or are married

HOFFS: I can't believe he and Roxie didn't get along

PENHALL: Oh did you hear, Roxie and Josh are back together

HOFFS: No way! Since when?

PENHALL: Apparently right after her and Hanson's date. He saw them together or somethin', got jealous, and realized that there was still somethin' between them

HOFFS: And she just took him back?

PENHALL: Apparently

IOKI: What about another one of my friends

HOFFS: Oh, he really hated Laurie

IOKI: She was peaceful, I thought he could use that in his life

PENHALL: He does have a lot of stress

"BLOWFISH": You know what, on some level, I think he likes the stress. Thrives off it, even.

HOFFS: I have noticed that

PENHALL: Interesting people, but we still haven't found Fido a date yet!

IOKI: Fido?

HOFFS: Hanson

IOKI: Why are we calling him Fido?

PENHALL: Because he's like a love-sick puppy

IOKI: Oh, so we're speaking' in code now

"BLOWFISH": Yeah, man, you're the cop, you should have known that

IOKI: Some things still manage to get past me, Sal. Unlike you, I don't pick up on each and every little thing.

"BLOWFISH": You're damn right I pick up on each and every little thing

HOFFS: And he didn't like Eva

PENHALL: I can see why

HOFFS: Why? Cause she's my friend.

PENHALL: No because that cell phone is attached to her ear

HOFFS: She's career oriented!

PENHALL: She talks a lot

HOFFS: She's a good conversationalist

PENHALL: She's extremely self-centered

HOFFS: Well

PENHALL: See

HOFFS: You wanted to set him up with a girl named Bambi!

"BLOWFISH": You know a girl named Bambi?

IOKI: Why haven't I met Bambi?

PENHALL: See? Any guy would be happy to be set up with a Bambi, Judy

"BLOWFISH" and IOKI: Yeah

HOFFS: Fine

PENHALL: That settles it, I'm callin' Bambi!

_(LAMPTON and STEVE JOLIE exit FULLER'S OFFICE)_

LAMPTON: Somethin' tells me you aren't talkin' about the movie, Penhall

STEVE JOLIE: Is Officer Hanson here?

PENHALL: Ah, no, he's out picking up lunch for everyone right now

STEVE JOLIE: When he's back, can you send him into Captain Fuller's office for me?

HOFFS: Sure thing, Officer Jolie

_(STEVE JOLIE exits)_

LAMPTON: So you're trying to set Hanson up on a date, huh?

_(IOKI, HOFFS, PENHALL, and "BLOWFISH" all go silent and look around at each other)_

HOFFS: What do you mean, Priss?

LAMPTON: Hanson called me last night and me ended up telling me

PENHALL: Dammit

LAMPTON: What? Why didn't you guys tell me

HOFFS: We didn't think you could keep a secret

LAMPTON: Really now?

IOKI: Well from Hanson, you two seem kinda close. We know you can keep them from teens. But teens are totally different from Hanson.

"BLOWFISH": Yeah, their teens

LAMPTON: Okay

HOFFS: So, yeah

LAMPTON: What's the big secret

HOFFS: Huh?

LAMPTON: You said I couldn't keep a secret, and I don't really know what the secret is

IOKI: That we're plotting against Hanson

LAMPTON: Oh

PENHALL: Yeah, and we don't want him to know

HOFFS: Cause that would ruin our evil plan

LAMPTON: I'll do my best

"BLOWFISH": We'd tell you more, but then you might be tempted to tell Hanson

IOKI: And we wouldn't want you to be tempted

LAMPTON: So you're doing this for my own good

HOFFS: Exactly

_(HANSON enters)_

"BLOWFISH": Dirty Harry's lookin' for you

HANSON: Is it my turn all ready?

PENHALL: Yep

LAMPTON: Sock him for me, would ya?

HANSON: Something tells me that's not gonna save the department

_(ERIC WILSON enters)_

ERIC WILSON: Officer Hanson?

HANSON: Yeah?

ERIC WILSON: I'm Officer Wilson, I'll be conducting you're interview. If you would just follow me.

_(HANSON and ERIC WILSON exit)_

_FULLER'S OFFICE. HANSON and ERIC WILSON sit across from each other. ERIC WILSON has notes and writes on a pad of paper throughout the interview._

ERIC WILSON: So, Officer Hanson, this is your first year here at Jumpstreet

HANSON: Yes it is

ERIC WILSON: You like your job?

HANSON: Yes

ERIC WILSON: But you wanted to be a patrol officer?

HANSON: I did

ERIC WILSON: Why?

HANSON: Come again?

ERIC WILSON: Why did you want to be a patrol officer?

HANSON: I guess it was because my dad was a patrol officer

ERIC WILSON: So if you were given the opportunity to be a patrol officer, would you take it?

HANSON: I don't know

ERIC WILSON: It's a yes or no question, Officer Hanson. Either you do, or you don't.

HANSON: Well I don't know, Officer Wilson. I can't make a hypothetical decision. There are all sorts of other factors that go into making a decision like that

ERIC WILSON: Like the decision you made to come to Jumpstreet?

HANSON: It was either this or deskwork, I'm sure you're aware of that fact, Officer Wilson

ERIC WILSON: I am

HANSON: And I like my job here

ERIC WILSON: Have you ever had any disciplinary problems?

HANSON: I'm sure you're aware of each and every one of them. They are all documented in my personal file.

ERIC WILSON: And do you think these disciplinary problems might have resulted from the fact that you where basically forced to join the Jumpstreet program, or do you have some other reason?

HANSON: I don't think my disciplinary problems have anything to do with the Jumpstreet Program.

ERIC WILSON: But how the officers act is a direct reflection of the program itself. And if the program turns out nothing but rule breaking, deadbeat cops, then why keep the program?

HANSON: You think I'm a rule breaking, deadbeat cop?

ERIC WILSON: I never said that

HANSON: But you implied it. Strongly.

ERIC WILSON: You think that's an accurate description of yourself?

HANSON: I think you're full of crap

ERIC WILSON: And here you're file said needs improvement in people skills

HANSON: Funny how some things can be so terribly slanderous

_OUTSIDE IN MAIN CHAPEL AREA. LAMPTON and HOFFS sit at HOFFS' DESK._

LAMPTON: So, what's the real reason you didn't tell me that you were all plotting to set Hanson up on blind dates?

HOFFS: Whatda mean?

LAMPTON: I kept my pregnancy a secret from my parents for four months, you really think I can't keep a secret?

HOFFS: What'd they think?

LAMPTON: I was getting fat. They kept pushing fat farms on me.

HOFFS: Attentive

LAMPTON: At least they cared enough about my delicate figure

HOFFS: Sure

LAMPTON: So why didn't you tell me?

HOFFS: No reason

LAMPTON: Judy

HOFFS: We just didn't think you'd be interested

LAMPTON: I work with you undercover, Judy, I know when you're lying

HOFFS: It's nothing, really, Priss. Just leave it alone.

_FULLER'S OFFICE. HANSON and ERIC WILSON sit across from each other. ERIC WILSON has notes and writes on a pad of paper throughout the interview._

ERIC WILSON: Your fellow officers seem very concerned about you

HANSON: What do you mean?

ERIC WILSON: Well they're all trying to set you up on dates, I'd say that's concern

HANSON: They mean well, not concern

ERIC WILSON: Really from our observations this is quite a social program

HANSON: I like my coworkers, is that a problem?

ERIC WILSON: Do you think it interferes with your work?

HANSON: I think it helps

ERIC WILSON: How so?

HANSON: Cause I always know who I'm working with, what their limits are, and it adds a bit of authenticity when we go into these schools

ERIC WILSON: Understandable. But do you think that kind of bonding could occur at other precincts?

HANSON: Not like here

ERIC WILSON: Why not?

HANSON: Because it's smaller and we all share a sort of bond

ERIC WILSON: The fact that you all had to come here against your will?

HANSON: I wouldn't phrase it like that

ERIC WILSON: But this assignment was none of yours first choices, correct?

HANSON: Yea, but

ERIC WILSON: Interesting thing to bond over

HANSON: Whatever works

ERIC WILSON: Do you think you became a police officer because your dad was one?

HANSON: I guess

ERIC WILSON: So this wasn't just some kind of life-long ambition for you?

HANSON: I guess not

ERIC WILSON: Do you think the fact that your father died so young might have had a negative effect on you?

HANSON: Would you believe me if I said it didn't

ERIC WILSON: I'm just wondering if your disciplinary problems are deep rooted or caused by the lackadaisical environment provided by the Captain?

HANSON: Captain Fuller is a good captain. My slightly disagreeable actions are of my own accord. Don't twist that on him

ERIC WILSON: So they're deep rooted

HANSON: I never said that

ERIC WILSON: Are they?

HANSON: No

ERIC WILSON: Then I have to blame Captain Fuller for his lack of discipline

HANSON: I've had plenty of discipline

ERIC WILSON: Then why are you a repeat offender?

HANSON: I never repeat the same mistakes. I make different ones.

ERIC WILSON: In your record from the academy you were a by the book kind of guy. You followed everything to the letter, without question. What else changed?

HANSON: I became an actual cop and realized that the book isn't always right

ERIC WILSON: You sure about that?

HANSON: Positive. Are we done here?

ERIC WILSON: One more question

HANSON: What?

ERIC WILSON: Do you think the Jumpstreet Program is a viable department?

HANSON: Of course I do

ERIC WILSON: Why?

HANSON: That's two

ERIC WILSON: That's a continuation of the first. You never let me finish my sentence.

HANSON: Because it is. End of interview.

_(HANSON exits)_

_THE NEXT NIGHT. RESTURANT. HANSON sits looking bored in a restaurant across from an empty chair. Eventually his eyes lock with ANNIE HART in a similar situation. ANNIE motions HANSON over._

HANSON: Hi

ANNIE: You being stood up too?

HANSON: Is it that obvious?

ANNIE: The bored meets 'I can't believe I agreed to this' look kinda gave you away

HANSON: Well you ain't lookin' to pleased to be here either

ANNIE: Being stood up by someone you've never met ushers in a whole new emotional low

HANSON: I'm Tom Hanson

ANNIE: Annie Hart

HANSON: Mind if I sit here?

ANNIE: Please

_THE NEXT DAY. JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. IOKI, "BLOWFISH", LAMPTON, HOFFS, PENHALL, HANSON, and FULLER sit around the CONFERENCE TABLE._

FULLER: It seems that we have somehow managed to pass their little test

HOFFS: That's good news, right, Captain?

FULLER: Yes and no

PENHALL: No?

FULLER: They want me to transfer one of you out of here.

IOKI: What?

FULLER: In order to keep our program, we can't take up so much of the budget. We now have an even smaller piece of the pie, people.

LAMPTON: And there's nothing else we can do?

FULLER: I don't know. I'm getting a lot of pressure from headquarters to transfer one of you out.

PENHALL: Who is it, Captain?

FULLER: I don't know

HANSON: How long do you have?

FULLER: I don't know

IOKI: You know anything?

FULLER: That I have to get rid of somebody

HOFFS: But we're a family, Captain

FULLER: Apparently family wasn't budgeted

HANSON: What are we going to do, Captain?

FULLER: I'm working on it, Hanson, but it's not looking good.

_**END CREDITS.**_


	11. 6: Family Matters part one, part 1

_All right, here's a two-parter (as in four chapters on deal. Enjoy. _

_Thanks to all who reviewed and those who heard me out when I was working on development of this storyline. _**

* * *

**

**21 JUMPSTREET**

**_Family Matters, Part One._ **

PENHALL: Previously on 21 Jumpstreet

_(EPISODE FIVE. "BLOWFISH", IOKI, PENHALL, and HOFFS stand up from their desks and begin moving about the CHAPEL.)_

HOFFS: What's there to do? I mean, the boy is crushing bad. I don't know if Ed McMan holding a big foam check could distract him at this point.

PENHALL: What if we just set him up on some blind dates, y'know, let him see what's out there. I mean, how long has it been since the man has been on a date?

IOKI: Too long

_(EPISODE FIVE. LILY STEVENS and PENHALL are sitting in FULLER'S OFFICE)._

LILY STEVENS: Have you or any other officer in this department had any issues with entrapment?

_(PENHALL'S demeanor changes from slightly nervous to agitated and confident.)_

PENHALL: No. Never.

LILY STEVENS: It would be tempting in that position for any cop

PENHALL: Not any of these cops

LILY STEVENS: All right, that's good to hear.

PENHALL: It shouldn't have to be asked

_(EPISODE ONE. JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. HOFFS, PENHALL, IOKI, HANSON, and LAMPTON are standing around the conference table. HOFFS, IOKI, and PENHALL had been playing cards)_

HOFFS: Put a sock in it, Penhall

PENHALL: Why, Judy, I'm hurt

IOKI: I don't think you're her favorite anymore, Penhall

HANSON: Looks that way, doesn't it?

PENHALL: Jude, ah, come on. You know you love me. _(to IOKI)_ She does like me, right? She's just not being polite or somethin' cause we work together?

IOKI: I don't know man. It's pretty if-y

HOFFS: Buy me dinner tonight, and I might change my mind, Dougie dearest. Food does work wonders on a girl.

PENHALL: It's a date!

_(EPISODE FOUR. LAMPTON and PHOEBE sit on a couch, LAMPTON looking upset)_

LAMPTON: I never get to see her anymore. I took this job to see her. And I'm seeing her less. And now you're paying the price, Pheebs. I can't keep doing this to everyone

PHOEBE: You love that job, Priss. And Emma understands

LAMPTON: She's seven, she barely understands the concept of fractions. How do you think she can possibly understand the fact that her mom is too busy to see her without the negative, possibly needing a therapist, kind of angle?

PHOEBE: She knows

_(EPISODE FIVE. LILY STEVENS and PENHALL are sitting in FULLER'S OFFICE)._

LILY STEVENS: So Marissa Thompson received a punishment for her actions, correct? Because this department would never give leniency to the Mayor's daughter simply because she is the Mayor's daughter.

PENHALL: She received community service teaching kids about the dangers of drugs. We believed it to be a win-win situation

LILY STEVENS: And her partner, Troy Addens?

PENHALL: Received jail time

LILY STEVENS: Interesting

PENHALL: He did not come to us. He had the chance, but he refused to come. Marissa came to us, gave up the source in exchange. She wanted immunity, but we wouldn't give her that

LILY STEVENS: No need to defend yourself, Officer Penhall, we just want to get a feel for this department

_(STEVE JOLIE and IOKI sit in FULLER'S OFFICE)_

STEVE JOLIE: Now, I understand you recently had a bit of trouble with the department

IOKI: If your alluding to my name fraud on my application, that matter was solved and I was cleared off all charges

STEVE JOLIE: But you did lie on your application

IOKI: I did, but only to get into the academy. I later made several attempts to fix this error in my judgement, which is what cleared me of the charges

STEVE JOLIE: So you think it was an okay thing for you to do then?

IOKI: I broke the law, Officer Jolie. I gave false information on my application to ensure my acceptance into the academy. Do I feel badly about it? Of course, I do. But I know, and you know, that if I had entered my information as a Vietnamese refugee that the academy would have never taken me. I believed that the bad would outweigh the good in that particular instance

STEVE JOLIE: You seem to have justified this

IOKI: I've made my peace with it.

_(EPISODE FIVE. HOFFS and LAMPTON are talking at HOFFS' DESK)_

LAMPTON: So why didn't you tell me that you were all setting Hanson up on blind dates?

HOFFS: No reason

LAMPTON: Judy

HOFFS: We just didn't think you'd be interested

LAMPTON: I work with you undercover, Judy, I know when you're lying

HOFFS: It's nothing, really, Priss. Just leave it alone.

_(EPISODE FIVE. HOFFS and LILY STEVENS in the INTERROGATION ROOM.)_

HOFFS: I didn't become a cop for glamour, I'm not that naïve. I became a cop to make a difference, and I really believe that I am making a difference here at Jumpstreet.

LILY STEVENS: Making a difference in a fellow officer's love life?

HOFFS: Excuse me?

LILY STEVENS: We're not idiots, Officer Hoffs. We know what you and Officer Penhall have been talking about the past couple of days, and it has nothing to do with police matters.

HOFFS: We're merely attempting to help a friend out. It's not affecting our work in the least, and we're doing something nice for a friend.

LILY STEVENS: So it's not detracting from your work?

HOFFS: Not in the least

LILY STEVENS: So you've made the arrest?

HOFFS: Not yet, Officer Stevens

LILY STEVENS: Then perhaps you should focus less on your social life and more on your job, Officer Hoffs

HOFFS: Perhaps you should focus more on the department then on one officer, Officer Stevens.

_(EPISODE FIVE. STEVE JOLIE and LAMPTON are sitting in FULLER'S OFFICE)_

STEVE JOLIE: What if something were to happen to your daughter while you were on a case? Would you break cover?

LAMPTON: If I had too, yeah

STEVE JOLIE: So, you don't believe that you receive any special considerations because of your status as a single parent?

_(EPISODE FIVE. ERIC WILSON and HANSON are sitting in FULLER'S OFFICE)_

ERIC WILSON: And do you think these disciplinary problems might have resulted from the fact that you

where basically forced to join the Jumpstreet program, or do you have some other reason?

HANSON: I don't think my disciplinary problems have anything to do with the Jumpstreet Program.

ERIC WILSON: But how the officers act is a direct reflection of the program itself. And if the program turns out nothing but rule breaking, deadbeat cops, then why keep the program?

HANSON: You think I'm a rule breaking, deadbeat cop?

ERIC WILSON: I never said that

HANSON: But you implied it. Strongly.

ERIC WILSON: You think that's an accurate description of yourself?

HANSON: I think you're full of crap

ERIC WILSON: And here you're file said needs improvement in people skills

HANSON: Funny how some things can be so terribly slanderous

_(EPISODE FIVE. RESTURANT. HANSON sits looking bored in a restaurant across from an empty chair. Eventually his eyes lock with ANNIE HART in a similar situation. ANNIE motions HANSON over.)_

HANSON: I'm Tom Hanson

ANNIE: Annie Hart

HANSON: Mind if I sit here?

ANNIE: Please

_(EPISODE FIVE. JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. IOKI, "BLOWFISH", LAMPTON, HOFFS, PENHALL, HANSON, and FULLER sit around the CONFERENCE TABLE.)_

FULLER: They want me to transfer one of you out of here.

IOKI: What?

LAMPTON: And there's nothing else we can do?

FULLER: I don't know. I'm getting a lot of pressure from headquarters to transfer one of you out

PENHALL: Who is it, Captain?

FULLER: I don't know

HOFFS: But we're a family, Captain

HANSON: What are we going to do, Captain?

FULLER: I'm working on it, Hanson, but it's not looking good.

_OPENING CREDITS_

_JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. LAMPTON, HOFFS, HANSON, PENHALL, and IOKI sit at their desks and work in silence; tense atmosphere. FULLER enters._

FULLER: New case, guys.

HANSON: For who?

FULLER: Everyone

IOKI: What's the case, Captain?

FULLER: You guys want to do this out here or in my office?

HOFFS: Out here is probably better. More room.

PENHALL: We have notepads within reach

FULLER: You're taking notes?

PENHALL: Always, Captain

FULLER:_ (Shakes head)_ I don't even want to get into it

LAMPTON: What's the case, Captain?

FULLER: Cole Matthews

HOFFS: As in Senator Matthews?

FULLER: The very one. Cole Matthews has been receiving death threats, which we believed to be in response to the Senator's recent pro-abortion stance in the senate.

PENHALL: So what are we doing, Captain?

FULLER: Well, we'll be monitoring him. Watching his back, basically. We'll live in his neighborhood, it's a nice little gated community with a vacant duplex we'll be stationed in, and be present in his high school.

LAMPTON: Is Cole Matthews aware of the situation?

FULLER: He'll be aware that there are officers present, but he will only know one of us and the public will only know one of us. He is under direct instruction not to tell anyone for any reason that there may or may not be more officers in the immediate area

LAMPTON: How long do you think we'll have to be in the duplex?

FULLER: Until we can apprehend the author of the threats. They've already got a few suspects, you'll be briefed on them in your case folders, so I would suggest reading over them as much as you can until you are able to spot these individuals out in a crowed room with a one second glance at the back of their heads

HANSON: What are our assignments, Captain?

FULLER: Penhall, you'll be the face of this little operation

PENHALL: So I'll be the one that the public and Cole Matthews is aware of?

FULLER: You got it. And I would like you to try and stay with me and Judy in our side of the duplex. Hoffs, you and I will be a father and daughter who has just recently moved here from Milwaukee for employment reasons. Penhall, if anyone happens to see you entering our house, just state that we are old family friends, and same for you Hoffs, all right?

PENHALL and HOFFS: Okay

HANSON: What about the rest of us, Captain?

FULLER: Hanson and Lampton, you'll be in the other side of the duplex. As newlyweds.

PENHALL: Newlyweds?

FULLER: Do you have a problem with that, Penhall?

PENHALL: No, Captain, just making sure I heard that right

HOFFS: He has very bad hearing sometimes

PENHALL: It comes and goes. _(Pause) _But it's always there on a case!

FULLER: Well, now that we have that clear, Ioki you'll be working night surveillance on the Henderson side of the duplex

PENHALL: Great, that's great, Captain. Fantastic even, that Hanson and Lampton are newlyweds. I love it. I wish I were partnered up with them.

_(HOFFS nudges PENHALL)_

IOKI: I'm okay with the assignment, Captain

FULLER: That's great, Harry, but more importantly, Hanson and Lampton are you two okay with this assignment?

HANSON: I'm fine, Captain

FULLER: You understand that you two will be newlyweds, down to the single bed, right?

LAMPTON: It shouldn't be a problem, Captain. Me and Tom are good friends, not that good of friends, but it won't be uncomfortable.

HANSON: We've already fake dated and were believable. It shouldn't be that much of a stretch to fake matrimony.

FULLER: All right. And Penhall, you sure you're okay with this?

PENHALL: I couldn't be better. It's like heaven. Cloud Nine. In fact, they'd have to make up a whole new cloud to describe this kind of bliss I'm feeling. It's like Cloud One Hundred and Nine! _(HOFFS nudges PENHALL) _Captain.

FULLER: _(Shakes head) _Now, Hoffs, you'll be attending Mansfield High School, where I will be the staff's substitute history teacher, and Hanson you'll be paired with one of the English teachers as a student teacher

HANSON: English?

FULLER: Study you're Victor Hugo, cause I hear they're doing a unit

HANSON: _(Forced) _Perfect

LAMPTON: And what will I be doing, Captain?

FULLER: Lampton, I need you to stay around the neighborhood, getting in with all the other families.

LAMPTON: Can I have a job, or am I just a stay-at-home wife?

HANSON: Well, I'm a student teacher, so I'd think you'd have to have a job. It's not like that gig would pay money

LAMPTON: I agree, but I'd need something low-maintenance. So that I could pop in and out, be ready to walk away at a moment's notice

HOFFS: Cake decorator?

LAMPTON: Nah, can't bake. People might start asking questions

IOKI: Or for cakes _(IOKI, PENHALL, HANSON, and HOFFS shudder)_

LAMPTON: Come on, I'm not that bad of a cook!

HANSON: I broke a tooth!

LAMPTON: Ah, you're just a reckless cake eater!

HANSON: _(to PENHALL) _A tooth!

PENHALL: Hey, she's your wife. You better start getting used to dentures.

LAMPON: What else is there?

HOFFS: An artist

LAMPTON: _(Points to herself) _Completely devoid of any artistic talent.

HANSON: What if all of your art supplies are still tied up in a storage center, and we're waiting to move them in until we're completely settled

LAMPTON: I like it

FULLER: So, there we have it

IOKI: When do we start?

FULLER: We move in tomorrow. Hoffs, we'll be moving in tomorrow morning, Ioki and Penhall I'll need you two to act as movers

PENHALL: Aren't I the face man?

FULLER: Not that day, you aren't

PENHALL: Okay, Captain

HANSON: What about me and Priss, wouldn't the neighbor's notice if we had the same movers?

FULLER: Yes, but we figured that you two would not be able to afford movers, being that you're newlyweds and all

LAMPTON: So we get to move in by ourselves?

FULLER: You might get some friendly new neighbor's to help you out

HANSON: They'd better

LAMPTON: How much stuff are we talking about moving in

FULLER: Well you'll have a lot of boxes filled with surveillance equipment, but if anyone asks their for the living room and such, but besides that the department has allotted us use of boxes, otherwise we will have to use things from our apartments

HOFFS: Do the houses come at all furnished?

FULLER: No

IOKI: And there's no way that the department can spot as anything?

FULLER: Unless you want the living room set we got from the crack house raid last week

HANSON: I've got a couch and a few chairs

PENHALL: I've got a couch and a big bed

LAMPTON: I don't want Penhall's bed. Give Penhall, Penhall's bed

PENHALL: Fine, you offer up a bed would ya

LAMPTON: I guess we could take my bed, but Emma likes sleeping in my bed when I'm gone and I can't give you guys Emma's bed because what kind of mother would that make me, volunteering my own child's bed without her knowledge?

FULLER: Lampton, you're excused from giving up household items on account of children

LAMPTON: No, I can get some stuff, like lamps, kitchen utensils, or little decorative things, but I can't get any big things. Granted the lamps might be really old and have butterflies on them or something, but there lamps none the less

HOFFS: I've got two extra beds

PENHALL: Two?

HOFFS: Yeah, mine, which I will be sleeping in and you will go nowhere near, and a guestroom bed

LAMPTON: Ooh! Dibs! Dibs!

IOKI: How are we supposed to move all of this stuff from our apartments?

PENHALL: Manpower

_(PENHALL flexes)_

HOFFS and LAMPTON: Boo!

_(PENHALL frowns, HANSON smirks)_

FULLER: Look, guys, I know these past few weeks have been tough on everyone. I'm doing my best to avoid breaking us up. We have to prove to them that we can get by on almost nothing and still do the same, great, solid work that we have done in the past. Can I count on all of you to do this without bickering and without complaint?

IOKI: Of course you can, Captain

HOFFS: We're in this together, right?

HOFFS: We're in this together, right?

LAMPTON: Right

HANSON: I'm here

PENHALL: We're a family, Captain, always

FULLER: I thought so

_LATER. RESTURANT. HANSON and ANNIE are eating._

HANSON: So, Annie, you're a teacher?

ANNIE: Yea, seventh grade. It's a lot of fun. A lot of drama.

HANSON: I remember. I had a huge crush on the most popular girl in school, Hope Gray, and here I was this kinda geeky kid with limited social skills

ANNIE: Oh, I know the story. Everyone hoping for that Grease romance, where the popular cool guy, or girl, falls for the not-so-popular girl or guy.

HANSON: Yeah, I tried asking her out once, but I was so nervous and was trying to act cool, that I got 'Tom hello name is my' then was, and I maintain to this day, purposely pushed by the popular jock character, Troy Duff, and my chili went flying and landed on her, very perfect, very expensive shirt.

ANNIE: Ooh, ouch

HANSON: Yeah, she never talked to me again

ANNIE: Did she get that 'I'm so disgusted right now' look on her face

HANSON: The _(makes a face)_

ANNIE: _(Laughs) _Yeah, that's the one!

HANSON: It helps when you hang out with teenagers all day. You tend to remember these things.

ANNIE: So, Hope never spoke to you again?

HANSON: Not even in high school to ask for a piece of paper

ANNIE: That's cold

HANSON: I know. It was a very dramatic point of my life.

ANNIE: So, Tom, this might be kinda short notice, or even too far in advance I don't really mean to be putting labels on this, but back to the point I've got these tickets to see a play for this Saturday night

HANSON: This Saturday?

ANNIE: Yeah? Would you like to go with me?

HANSON: Well, I'm just about to start this really big case

ANNIE: _(Slightly disappointed)_ Oh, oh, yeah, no problem. Yeah, you got a case, and well

HANSON: I would love to go with you, Annie

ANNIE: As in, sorry or I'm actually going now

HANSON: As in, I'm actually going.

_(HANSON and ANNIE smile at each other)_

HANSON: Would you mind if I came as your boyfriend?

ANNIE: As long as I come as your girlfriend

HANSON: Oh, well, that's a different story

ANNIE: _(Laughs)_ Shut up

HANSON: _(Laughing)_ Of course you'd be coming as my girlfriend! What did you think you'd be? My wench? The Mistress?

ANNIE: Wench!

HANSON: I don't know!

ANNIE: You've definitely been hanging around teenagers too long, you've adopted their sense of humor

HANSON: You're laughing

ANNIE: Oh, hush

_LATER. HANSON'S APARTMENT. HANSON, IOKI, and PENHALL are packing up some of HANSON'S things to move into the houses._

PENHALL: So, where'd you disappear to this afternoon?

HANSON: _(Smiling)_ I had a lunch date

IOKI: Ooh, he had a lunch date

PENHALL: A lunch date? And who might be that lunch date of yours that would cause you to smile this much?

HANSON: _(Smiling)_ I'm not smiling

IOKI: Oh, I must have just been imaging your lips curving upwards

PENHALL: Or maybe they just changed the definition of smiling. We should check in the dictionary. Wouldn't want to go into the world completely clueless

HANSON: I asked Annie to be my girlfriend

PENHALL: Really?

IOKI: Who's Annie?

PENHALL: The girl he's been seeing on the side?

HANSON: On the side of who?

PENHALL: On the side of me

HANSON: What?

IOKI: Well don't you don't make a cute couple

HANSON: Wait me and Annie or me and Penhall

IOKI: You and Penhall, I haven't met Annie, although in my experience most Annie are pretty good looking. But it only takes one.

PENHALL: And that is so true my friend. After being relentlessly chased by Kimberly, I'm now unable to date anyone named Kimberly

HANSON: Why are me and Penhall a couple?

IOKI: Well you certainly spend enough time together

PENHALL: Although Hanson would be my on the side, making Annie an on the side of an on the side

IOKI: Oh, Judy you're number one?

PENHALL: She wouldn't have any other number

IOKI: So true

HANSON: What?

IOKI: So, you asked this questionably-looking Annie girl to be your girlfriend. High school is really rubbing off on you, man.

HANSON: Oh, shut up! And she isn't questionably looking!

IOKI: But how do I know, I haven't met her

HANSON: Take my word, she's good looking.

PENHALL: So, you gonna give her your class ring? Let her wear your lettermen jacket?

IOKI: Oh, oh, carrying her book for her!

HANSON: Oh, shut it, guys!

PENHALL: Jeez, man, no, we approve! We only tease because it is our jobs as men to make sure that you retain your manly-ness. And you can't be manly and swoon every time somebody asks someone else to be their boyfriend or their girlfriend.

IOKI: Yeah, and besides anything to get you out of this slump you've been having is a good thing, despite what she looks like

PENHALL: Now you're finally moving on, Hanson

HANSON: Moving on from what?

PENHALL: Priss

HANSON: Why would I be moving on from Priss?

IOKI: Seriously?

HANSON: Yeah, what are you guys talking about?

PENHALL: Dude, you don't have to deny it anymore. We all knew that you had it bad for her, but it's not that big of a deal.

HANSON: What is this high school?

PENHALL: I believe we already established that it is in fact high school at this current moment in time.

HANSON: I didn't have a crush on Priss. Now can we drop this?

PENHALL: Fine, fine, whatever you want

IOKI: Didn't mean to upset you

HANSON: Let's just get this stuff loaded into the cars. We need to get it to the chapel in time.

PENHALL: Then we hit up Harry's place!

IOKI: Only because there is nothing salvageable from your place!

PENHALL: What about the girl's places? Are they packaging them up or are we?

IOKI: We are, you kidding? You'd think they'd pack up their own places when they could get some other poor sap to do it for them?

HANSON: I'm not a poor sap

IOKI: Then why'd you offer?

HANSON: Because they offered to go shopping

PENHALL: Shopping? Carrying large, heavy boxes? Which job is worse?

IOKI: I don't know, Doug, it's just such a hard choice

HANSON: Why would you want to go shopping?

PENHALL: Duh!

IOKI: Hot girls hang out at grocery stores!

PENHALL: Duh!

HANSON: Well, that's too bad for you guys, but I've got a hot girlfriend

_(HANSON exits)_

PENHALL: That boy's messed up

IOKI: Completely hopeless _(pause) _You really think his girlfriend's hot?

PENHALL: Duh, of course. Have you seen Hanson?

IOKI: _(Pause) _Dude

PENHALL: What, he's a good-looking guy. That's okay that I think that! Because I am comfortable with my masculinity enough to say stuff like that.

IOKI: Whatever, dude, but if I catch you checking out my ass as I walk out of here, this friendship is over.

_(IOKI exits)_

PENHALL: Harry! It's not like that!

_GROCERY STORE. HOFFS and LAMPTON are shopping. HOFFS pushes the cart, slumped over and looking bored, while LAMPTON places items in the over-filled cart._

HOFFS: Why'd we say we'd go shopping?

LAMPTON: Because we didn't want to lift heavy things and only take an hour out of our night instead the entire night

HOFFS: _(Stands back up and smiles) _Good point, I'm perky

LAMPTON: Cheese puffs or Cheese popcorn?

HOFFS: Both

_(LAMPTON puts them both in the cart, which is filled with junk food)_

LAMPTON: You think we should get more health food?

HOFFS: Maybe for me and Fuller. You and Hanson have that whole I'm just out of college vibe going for you.

LAMPTON: And I'll sneak some over to you disguised in a fruitcake.

HOFFS: I like it, junk food disguised as a somewhat healthy snack

LAMPTON: _(LAMPTON puts apples in the cart) _All right, here are some apples. That about covers healthy, right?

HOFFS: I would think

LAMPTON: Then on the frozen foods section!

HOFFS: Onward ho!

_(HOFFS and LAMPTON walk to FROZEN FOODS SECTION. TWO GUYS check them out, HOFFS and LAMPTON smile.)_

HOFFS: So, what would Condor think of you smiling at those two guys?

LAMPTON: Hot, threesome

HOFFS: Just not going his way

LAMPTON: But totally going my way

HOFFS: So, how are things going between you and Condor? It's been a couple of months since you two started up.

LAMPTON: It has hasn't it? Dang, time flies.

HOFFS: It's been a pretty quiet couple of months, especially for such a shaky start

LAMPTON: Sorry about that, Jude. I'd make my relationship more dramatic, but I'd like to keep it at least until Valentines.

HOFFS: Ooh, secretive now, are we?

LAMPTON: There's just nothing to report

HOFFS: So, in all seriousness, how are things going?

LAMPTON: Really good. Things are really, really good.

HOFFS: No offense, but how things started out, I would have figured you for a week long tryst, then you'd both try to kill each other

LAMPTON: Who'd you think would win?

HOFFS: You, of course. He'd try to fight fair, and you'd pull out your gun. Simple law of nature, my friend, gun beats fists every time.

LAMPTON: Yeah, I didn't really think it was gonna work out either. I mean this whole relationship was kinda out of left field

HOFFS: But it's going good now

LAMPTON: Yeah, like I said things are really good. They're solid.

HOFFS: Have him and Emma met yet?

LAMPTON: No

HOFFS: Why not? You said things are solid, and it's been a couple of months.

LAMPTON: When I said I'd introduce them when things are solid, I meant ring on the finger kind of solid

HOFFS: Well, I guess that makes sense

LAMPTON: He wants to introduce me to his family

HOFFS: What?

LAMPTON: Yeah, his family

HOFFS: Wow, he's serious

LAMPTON: No. No?

HOFFS: Yeah

LAMPTON: He can't be

HOFFS: Well he's coming off that way

LAMPTON: But we haven't even said, that phrase, those words, that

HOFFS: I love you?

LAMPTON: Yeah, that, to each other yet. It's still in the monogamous dating stage, not the serious stage.

HOFFS: I beg to differ

LAMPTON: Well, I'm in the relationship, I'd know if it was serious _(pause)_ right?

HOFFS: Frozen pizza?

_IOKI'S APARTMENT. IOKI, HANSON, and PENHALL enter. IOKI notices mail on the floor._

PENHALL: You got mail

IOKI: _(Picks up mail)_ I'll read it later. Let' pack up now.

HANSON: So, what can we take?

IOKI: Everything with a post-it note on it

PENHALL: Harry that's everything

IOKI: It's not everything

HANSON: It's everything that isn't bolted down

IOKI: That's not everything

PENHALL: _(Fakes a pain in his back) _Oh my god! My back! My back! I don't think I can go on!

HANSON: _(Shoves a box at PENHALL) _Oh shut up, you think I'm hot

PENHALL: Oh my God, you make one comment!

_POLICE HEADQUARTERS. FULLER sits across from CHIEF JOEY LOGAN._

LOGAN: Look, Adam, I feel for you, I really do, but you know how the budget is. We could barely afford that program to begin with, and that was only with three officers and one captain, now we've got five officers, a different captain, a janitor, and higher wages to maintain thanks to the newest union demand. The money's just not there.

FULLER: I understand, but can't we just find a way

LOGAN: Look, you're department is staying. Isn't that what you wanted?

FULLER: Yes, but I want it to stay with all of the original officers intact

LOGAN: I know that smaller departments tend to form a bond as a whole, but Adam, there's just nothing I can do

FULLER: There has to be a way!

LOGAN: There just isn't. Adam, internal affairs believed that you made your argument for the department, but they just didn't think the officers were reaching their full potential in their current environment

FULLER: And what's so wrong with their current environment!

LOGAN: I didn't write it, Adam! Look, these people know what they're talking about, it's their job to make these kinds of assessments

FULLER: It's complete crap, that's what it is

LOGAN: Well it's crap you better listen to. I've known you since your first year on the job, Adam. I know that you're a good captain. I just think that maybe you've gotten a little too close to your officers. You've lost your ability to draw the line, and now the officers have lost their sense of authority

FULLER: Well I am supposed to be sending teenagers out into the schools, right?

LOGAN: Adam

FULLER: _(Sighs) _I know. But I also know that all of these people make the Jumpstreet program what it is. It won't run the same way without them.

LOGAN: Did you ever stop to think that maybe your attachment to your officers is stopping you from being able to transfer one out, or do you really believe that it's because you're program, which has managed to do rather well in the past, cannot possibly survive without all it's members?

FULLER: It'd survive but not at the same level. The level that you deemed sufficient.

LOGAN: Look, Internal Affairs made a few recommendations about who to transfer out _(hands FULLER a folder)_ I'd suggest you look them over and get back to me before the end of the week. There's no more stalling, on this, Adam. You can't win this.

(FULLER looks at LOGAN, then takes the folder)

_LAMPTON'S HOUSE. HOFFS and LAMPTON enter carrying groceries. Groceries are already scattered around the kitchen. EMMA sits in the background watching TV._

HOFFS: You sure this isn't a problem bringing all of these groceries into here?

LAMPTON: Yeah, we've got room. Not to imply that I'm starving Emma or something, but we just have a lot of kitchen space for the two of us

HOFFS: Two? I thought you had a roommate?

LAMPTON: She usually eats out, and when she's here she's queen of the take out

HOFFS: I thought you were the queen of take out

LAMPTON: Oh no, my friend, I am only a mere princess of take out, Phoebe is the hands down queen. I can still whip out a great microwave meal or a salad.

HOFFS: So, have you decided about _(raises eyebrows and coughs)_

LAMPTON: I'm assuming that means _(whispering)_ the family?

HOFFS: Yeah

LAMPTON: I don't know

HOFFS: Just don't lead him on, all right?

LAMPTON: I've never led anyone anywhere in my life. _(Pause)_ Expect for the bedroom, and Billy Wilson who I led to believe I was an alien for a good two months solid in first grade

HOFFS: You haven't changed much have you?

LAMPTON: I always try to remain young at heart

HOFFS: Young and devious

LAMPTON: Look, I know what you're argument is, but Jude, I swear it's nothing like that. I'm sure he just wants me to meet this family. He's not looking for a lifetime commitment either. And he knows that I'm not about to commit unless I am absolutely, one hundred percent certain.

HOFFS: You just make sure he understand that absolutely, one hundred percent

LAMPTON: You think we got enough food?

HOFFS: Hopefully this will all be over in a couple of days. Worse case scenario, we go shopping again. I don't think it would be suspicious.

LAMPTON: I know, but I also don't want this case to drag out for other reasons _(looks to EMMA)_ you understand, right?

HOFFS: Where's she staying while you're gone?

LAMPTON: Well she'll be spending the weekend with her best friend, Amy, from school and her family, then with Phoebe until I get back. Hopefully it won't take that long.

HOFFS: How's she doing not knowing when you're gonna be back?

LAMPTON: She says she okay with it. Knows my job is important to me. But I think the fact that I got her a new Polly Pocket might have influenced her opinion just a tad.

HOFFS: And are you okay with it?

LAMPTON: Well I couldn't very well buy myself off with a Polly Pocket, could I?

HOFFS: Priss

LAMPTON: I'm working on it.

_(PENHALL, HANSON, and IOKI enter carrying boxes)_

HANSON: Knock, knock

LAMPTON: Oh, hey guys

EMMA: Hi!

PENHALL: Hi Emma!

HOFFS: You guys almost finished packing everything up?

IOKI: Yeah, we just have your place left, Jude, but we figured that we should wait for you before stealing your stuff

HOFFS: Sounds good

LAMPTON: Just follow me, I've got some stuff earmarked. Wanna help us, kiddo?

EMMA: Sure!

_(HANSON and IOKI follow behind LAMPTON and EMMA)_

PENHALL: We'll be right there!

HOFFS: What's up?

PENHALL: Fido's got a girlfriend!

HOFFS: What?

PENHALL: Yeah, this girl, Annie Hart, I guess we met her when Bambi stood him up on that last blind date and he's been seeing her ever since

HOFFS: Really? Does Priss know?

PENHALL: As far as I know, no, but I don't think we should mention it

HOFFS: Yeah, she's doing really well with Condor as far as I can tell. Still a little clueless, but not as hopeless as we once thought

PENHALL: How is she still clueless?

HOFFS: Condor asked her to meet his family and she thinks they're not serious

PENHALL: Oh, that could be bad

HOFFS: But it could be made worse if she found out that Hanson was seeing someone else.

PENHALL: So we'll just have to keep them separated

HOFFS: Doug! They're about to be newlyweds!

_(LAMPTON, IOKI, and HANSON enter carrying a few boxes)_

IOKI: Who's about to be newlyweds?

PENHALL: Oh, ah, our two friends, mutual friends, Barry and Lola

HANSON: Lola?

LAMPTON: That's a name you don't hear everyday

PENHALL: Your name is Priscilla

LAMPTON: Yeah, but at least mine doesn't have a song

IOKI: _(to PENHALL)_ thanks for all your help, man

HOFFS: Well, Priss, I guess I'll be heading out with these guys. I'll see you bright and early tomorrow, right?

LAMPTON: Course, night guys

EMMA: Night

_LATER THAT NIGHT. FULLER'S HOUSE. FULLER is sitting in his living room flipping through the folder given to him by CHIEF LOGAN. After flipping through the entire folder, FULLER looks to a picture of the JUMPSTREET OFFICERS at his birthday party. KIP FULLER enters._

KIP: Hey, Dad

FULLER: _(Turns around)_ Oh, hey, Kip, I didn't know you were here

KIP: Yeah, remember we talked about getting some dinner together tonight

FULLER: Oh my god, it's Wednesday, isn't it?

KIP: All day

FULLER: Sorry, a little distracted today

KIP: What's up? Is it something I can help you with?

FULLER: Maybe. I have to fire one of my guys, and I can't seem to do it.

KIP: Well, who is the worst officer?

FULLER: They're all good, and that's the problem.

KIP: Well, tell me about them. Maybe I can offer an impartial third party opinion for you

_(KIP takes a seat next to FULLER)_

FULLER: Well, Internal Affairs gave me their two cents

KIP: What'd they say?

FULLER: They gave me a lot of recommendations and that's the problem. All these officers are superb, they're really reaching for a reason to fire one of them.

KIP: What did they say, dad?

_(FULLER opens up the older and sighs. KIP begins reading)_

KIP: They make some pretty good arguments, Dad

FULLER: Yeah, I know. That's the problem.

_LATER THAT NIGHT. HOFFS and PENHALL are sitting in a RESTURANT eating._

HOFFS: You think Fuller's made a decision yet?

PENHALL: I hope not

HOFFS: I'm sick of this. I feel like I'm always trying to top someone, y'know? And it's not like I mean to or anything, I'm just doing it.

PENHALL: And getting those job assignment's today wasn't any easier. I mean the two of us are essentially leading the case

HOFFS: Hanson is in the school

PENHALL: To watch Cole Matthews. He's not going to be coming into contact with anyone that really could potentially be a threat. Just like Priss is watching Cole Matthews, Ioki's watching Cole Matthews, and even Fuller is watching Cole Matthews.

HOFFS: You are the face man

PENHALL: And you're the only one doing what we normally do.

HOFFS: At least everyone's involved

PENHALL: I don't know if their gonna see it that way

HOFFS: I can't believe I'm saying this, but for their sakes I hope the disgruntled voter lives in the neighborhood so we can all bring him in

PENHALL: More like for our sakes

HOFFS: Whatda mean?

PENHALL: If we're the only ones that are involved in solving the case, nobody's gonna like us. We'd be able to prove ourselves. We'd be safe. But what about them? What will they have they proven?

HOFFS: Maybe we should just start working on the solution

PENHALL: Well, Fuller could probably use all the help he can get on this one, I think.

_(Pause)_

HOFFS: You really think he's gonna have to fire someone?

PENHALL: It won't be an actual firing, just someone is gonna have to work deskwork for awhile

HOFFS: That's firing for an undercover cop, Doug

PENHALL: I know

_LATER THAT NIGHT. LAMPTON is lying in bed, unable to sleep. EMMA enters._

EMMA: Mom? Are you up?

LAMPTON: Yea, babe, what's up?

EMMA: Can I sleep with you?

LAMPTON: Course

_(EMMA climbs into LAMPTON'S BED. LAMPTON wraps an arm around EMMA)_

LAMPTON: Can't sleep?

EMMA: No

LAMPTON: Was Uncle Doug telling you those scary stories again? _(EMMA nods)_ I told him not to do that!

EMMA: It wasn't his fault! I begged him to tell me!

LAMPTON: Well, we'll deal with it in the morning. You just go to sleep now, kiddo. You've got a big couple of days ahead of you, babe! You get to spend two whole days and two whole nights with your best friend!

EMMA: But what about you?

LAMPTON: Well mommy has to go and work on a really big case, but she'll try to finish as soon as possible.

_CUT TO HANSON at ANNIE'S APARTMENT, who is also laying in bed unable to sleep. ANNIE enters the room wearing HANSON'S shirt and holding a glass of water. HANSON pretends to be asleep as ANNIE quietly sneaks back into bed._

_CUT TO IOKI, who is practicing martial arts but is unable to fully concentrate. CUT TO HOFFS and PENHALL, who are sitting in the JUMPSTREET CHAPEL going through piles of paperwork and making calculations._

_THE NEXT DAY. HOFFS, FULLER, IOKI, and PENHALL move into one side of the duplex. Neighbor's watch with curiosity._

PENHALL:_ (Softly to EVERYONE)_ Well we certainly know how to make an entrance _(loudly)_ so, where do you want these boxes, Mr. Fisher?

FULLER: Ah, those boxes, those boxes

PENHALL: _(Whispering to FULLER)_ Take your time, Captain, these aren't heavy at all.

IOKI: Hey, isn't that labeled living room?

PENHALL:_ (Whispering to FULLER)_ Seriously, you could have made up a room in that time!

FULLER: Oh, thanks, sorry, couldn't read my own handwriting. You can head right on into the living room with those

PENHALL: Of course, sir. I'll get right on that.

_(JACKIE and KYLE TUCKER approaches, carrying a tray of cookies)_

JACKIE: Hello there, you must be the Fishers!

PENHALL: They are, we're just the movers

IOKI: Would you like a card? We only charge half price if everything is broken

JACKIE: How sweet

FULLER: Hi, I'm Adam Fisher, it's a pleasure to meet one of the new neighbors

JACKIE: Hello, I'm Jackie Tucker, I'm the president of the homeowners association, and I thought you both would like some cookies.

FULLER: Oh, that's very kind of you, Mrs. Tucker

JACKIE: Oh, call me Jackie, we're very informal here. And this here is my son, Kyle

KYLE: Hey

_(HOFFS walks over)_

HOFFS: Hey, Dad, do you know what happened to the box of stuff for the kitchen?

FULLER: Perfect timing, sweetie, Jackie and Kyle this is my daughter, Judy

JACKIE: Oh, it's a pleasure to meet you, Judy. I'm Mrs. Tucker, I just live right down the street.

HOFFS: Oh, it's great to meet you too, Mrs. Tucker

FULLER: Judy's a senior in high school this year

JACKIE: That's so wonderful, Kyle is a senior too! Maybe these two can date!

FULLER: Well

HOFFS: I'm sorry, I have a boyfriend back at my old school, Mrs. Tucker

JACKIE: Well, that certainly is a shame

HOFFS: Yeah, darn

KYLE: I'll be crying over that loss for awhile

_(IOKI and PENHALL approach)_

PENHALL: Hate to interrupt, Mr. Fisher, but we've finished unpacking

FULLER: Oh, excuse us for a moment, Jackie

JACKIE: Oh, don't worry about it. I should be going anyways. We've got another young couple moving in next door to you, actually. And I'm sure they'd like a fresh batch of cookies, too!

FULLER: I'm sure they would

HOFFS: Thanks, Mrs. Tucker

JACKIE: Oh, she's so polite.

_(JACKIE and KYLE exit)_

HOFFS: Oh dear god

PENHALL: Welcome to the neighborhood

_LATER. HANSON and LAMPTON drive up to the HOUSE, HANSON'S CAR is packed with boxes, and a trailer attached to the back._

HANSON: Well, honey, we're home

LAMPTON: Oh, God, we're not gonna be one of those cutesy couples are we?

HANSON: Well, I don't know, what do you think, smoopee?

LAMPTON: Oh God

_(HANSON smiles and gets out of the CAR)_

HANSON: You commin', Priss?

LAMPTON: But you're the man of the house, aren't you supposed to do all the hard stuff?

HANSON: Ah, not gonna happen_ (pause)_ sweet cheeks

LAMPTON:_ (Getting out of the car)_ What was that, dear?

HANSON: Oh, nothing, sweet cheeks

LAMPTON: Oh, you didn't go there, honey

HANSON: Oh, I think I did, sweetie as in cheeks

LAMPTON: Oh, when we get everything unpacked, you are so going down

HANSON: What, are you gonna attack me in my sleep? Put my hand in a glass of warm water? Shave off one of my eyebrows?

LAMPTON: Oh, I'd forgotten about the eyebrow thing

HANSON: _(Looking slightly panicked) _You should know, sweetie, that I'm a light sleeper. So light in fact, that if even a pin were to drop, it would suddenly jar me from my sleep in such an abrupt manner that I would most likely reach for my gun and shoot the first thing that moves.

LAMPTON: _(Chuckles)_ Penhall's right. You're such a pansy

_(LAMPTON grabs a box and walks towards the HOUSE)_

HANSON: Whatda mean, pansy? Hey! Priss!

LAMPTON: I can't hear you, sweet cheeks!

HANSON: If you're gonna be like that, then you have to be the man, and therefore do all of the heavy lifting while I sit here and paint my nails!

LAMPTON: You know, a little attention to your cuticles might do them some good

HANSON: Says the woman who bites her nails!

_(HANSON follows LAMPTON up to the front porch, where they stop and talks)_

LAMPTON: How did you know that!

HANSON: It's not exactly a secret, nail bitter

LAMPTON: Pansy

HANSON: Nail bitter

LAMPTON: _(Singing)_ Pansy

HANSON: _(About to say something, then realizes something)_ We're supposed to be newlyweds, right?

LAMPTON: Yeah, so, Pansy?

HANSON: _(Puts down his box)_ Put down your box

LAMPTON: What now?

HANSON: Let me carry you across the threshold

LAMPTON: Seriously?

HANSON: Yeah _(opens the door)_

LAMPTON:_ (Puts down her box)_ Fine, but don't you dare make any kind of comment about my weight. I have a gun. I will shoot you. _(HANSON picks LAMPTON up)_

HANSON: And that from my lovely wife

_(HANSON carries LAMPTON across the threshold, LAMPTON giggles)_

LAMPTON: That's more fun then I thought it would be. To the car, Jeeves!

HANSON: Yeah right

LAMPTON: Should we kiss or something?

HANSON: What?

LAMPTON: We're newlyweds. It seems like a newlywed kissing moment.

HANSON: Okay. If you're sure Condor wouldn't be jealous

LAMPTON: No, not at all

_(HANSON and LAMPTON kiss. They lock eyes for a minute)_

HANSON: _(Breaking eye contact)_ Well, the car's not gonna unload itself

LAMPTON: Yeah, yeah, you're right

HANSON: Yeah

LAMPTON: You can put me down now

HANSON:_ (Putting LAMPTON down)_ Sorry, forgot

LAMPTON: I'm just that light, huh

HANSON: Yep

LAMPTON: Why, Tom, you certainly know how to flatter a girl

_(HANSON and LAMPTON both grab their boxes and carry them into the HOUSE)_

* * *

**_END PART ONE (of part one)._**

_**Please don't hesitate to review.** I love them dearly. In fact, I think that if I could possibly date a rave review, I would. Not that I mind bad reviews. In fact, it's the constructive ones that I love the most. And hopefully other people love them as much as I do, because on the rare occasion that I do review (so if I have reviewed one of your fics, feel honored, I don't do it that often and I don't waste my time on authors that have no potential) they are constructive. _


	12. 6: Family Matters part one, part 2

_LATER. HANSON, LAMPTON, and IOKI are sitting in their HOUSE, going over the case folder. There is a knock at the door. HANSON and LAMPTON motion IOKI to hide. IOKI jumps in the closet. HANSON opens the door, JACKIE, RON, and RYAN TUCKER stand on their porch, JACKIE holding a plate of cookies._

HANSON: It's time to meet the neighbor's

LAMPTON: Just open the door

_(HANSON opens the door)_

HANSON: Hello?

JACKIE: Hello there, neighbor!

LAMPTON: Hi _(forced)_ neighbor

JACKIE: I'm Jackie Tucker, and this my husband Ron

RON: Hi

JACKIE: And our son, Ryan

RYAN: _(Forced)_ Hi

JACKIE: And we would like to welcome you both to the neighborhood!_ (Hands LAMPTON the cookies. LAMPTON takes them and smiles)_

LAMPTON: Well isn't that sweet, honey?

HANSON: Yes, hon, it's downright welcoming

LAMPTON: Well I'm Priss and this is my husband Tom

HANSON: _(HANSON puts his arm around LAMPTON)_ We just got married

JACKIE: Well isn't that sweet, don't you think so, Ron?

RON: It's sweet

LAMPTON: Would you like to come in for a while, or do you have to go right away?

JACKIE: Well Ron and me can stay, and Kyle you can stay unless you still have homework to do

KYLE: Well

RON: He's finished

KYLE: Dad

RON: He's finished

HANSON: Well come on in

_(Shot of IOKI in the closet, rolling his eyes and taking a seat on some boxes and opening a magazine)_

_(HANSON, LAMPTON, JACKIE, RON, and KYLE enter LIVING ROOM and take seats)_

LAMPTON: Sorry things aren't real organized yet, we just moved in

_(HANSON noticed case folders, and begins cleaning up)_

HANSON: Just let me clean this stuff up, I'm still finishing up my teaching degree, a lot of work to do.

_(HANSON exits with folders)_

JACKIE: So, how did you two meet?

LAMPTON: Oh, heh, how did we meet?

JACKIE: Yes, I always love these stories. They're so cute.

LAMPTON: And ours certainly is. Cute that is.

JACKIE: Well?

LAMPTON: Well, me and Tom met a few years ago

JACKIE: Where?

LAMPTON: At a _(searches for a word)_ restaurant

_(HANSON enters)_

HANSON: So what are we all talking about?

LAMPTON: About how we met, at a restaurant

HANSON: Oh, yeah, that was really funny wasn't it?

LAMPTON: Oh yeah

HANSON: You see, both of our friends had decided to set us up on blind dates, right? And, they badgered us, and badgered us, until we finally agreed to them

JACKIE: Did your friends set the two of you up?

HANSON: No! They set us up with two totally different people, but we ended up at the same restaurant only a few tables a part.

JACKIE: So, what happened?

HANSON: Well both of our dates stood us up

LAMPTON: And we were just sitting there

HANSON: Finally I looked up, and saw Priss, sitting there, looking just as awkward and uncomfortable as I did

LAMPTON: So, he motioned me over and we got to talking and ended up having a really great time

JACKIE: Oh, wow, what are the chances!

LAMPTON: _(looking at HANSON, stressing her words)_ I know

_(Shot of IOKI in the closet, looking bored. Box breaks, and he falls, making a loud crashing noise)_

RON: What was that?

LAMPTON: Ah, crap, probably one of those boxes we staked on the other boxes! I told you we should have unpacked today!

HANSON: Not my fault you agreed

JACKIE: Well, I see that you two have a lot of stuff that you need to get done, so we'll leave you two alone now. But if you ever need anything, we just live two houses down from you two!

LAMPTON: It was great meeting you

JACKIE: You too

RON: Bye

_(RON nudges KYLE)_

KYLE: Bye

HANSON: Feel free to stop by, anytime

_(JACKIE, KYLE, and RON walk to the door, while HANSON and LAMPTON lead them out. After waving goodbye to JACKIE, RON, and KYLE, HANSON shuts the door, then LAMPTON and HANSON run towards the closet and open the door. IOKI falls out of the closet, looking annoyed)_

IOKI: You invited them in!

LAMPTON: _(Laughs) _Ioki just came out of the closet

HANSON: _(Laughing) _Hey, would you look at that

IOKI: You knew I was stuck in the closet and you invited them in! Do you know how long they were planning on staying! They could have asked to stay the night for all you knew!

HANSON: Somehow, I thought the threat of a impromptu slumber party was very unlikely, but next time I'll be considerate and act suspicious and not invite them in just to make sure that my partner who decided to hop in the closet of all places and not just another room away from the living room isn't uncomfortable

LAMPTON: Somebody's cranky

IOKI: My head hurts

LAMPTON: Whatda break?

IOKI: Oh, my bones are good, I just have a really bad headache cause when you opened the door I hit my head on the floor

LAMPTON: No, I meant which box did you break, a lot of my stuff is in there, but good to know you're bones are okay

IOKI: I wanna switch houses

_(The phone rings. LAMPTON runs over to the phone, knocking IOKI out of the way.)_

IOKI: Jeez, where's the fire, Lampton?

LAMPTON: _(Answering the phone)_ Hello?

HANSON: Emma's supposed to call her tonight

LAMPTON: _(On phone)_ Hey kiddo! How are you? I miss you so much, babe!

_(LAMPTON exits)_

IOKI: So, the fact that she pushed me was due to excitement

HANSON: Or maybe she's just trying to get you out of the way, man

IOKI: What, you mean, like _Godfather_ style?

HANSON: Do I?

IOKI: Shut up

_(IOKI opens a LETTER and begins reading)_

HANSON: What is that?

IOKI: What?

HANSON: We've been here one day and you've already got mail. How many girlfriends do you have?

IOKI: No, no, it's the one from my apartment earlier, I haven't had a chance to read it yet

_(HANSON starts going through case files again, sitting down on the couch, as IOKI reads his letter, slowly growing more and more upset as he reads. HANSON eventually notices)_

HANSON: You okay, man?

IOKI: Yeah, fine, why wouldn't I be?

HANSON: You just seemed kinda upset, sorry

IOKI: I'm fine._ (Stands up)_ We got any food around here? I'm starving. You want anything?

HANSON: No, I'm fine, but Priss filled up the kitchen this afternoon with food, I'm sure you can find something you want. Worse case, I know of a few good take out places around

IOKI: Okay thanks

_(IOKI exits)_

_(LAMPTON enters)_

LAMPTON: I love you too, babe. Mommy misses you. Bye, kiddo. Be good. I love you! _(LAMPTON set down phone on receiver)_ Would it be suspicious if we just randomly had a seven-year old girl show up on our front step?

HANSON: You really want to involve your daughter in a case?

LAMPTON: No

HANSON: Well, there you go

LAMPTON: I just hate being apart from her for indeterminate periods of time

HANSON: We'll get this case solved in no time, Priss. It's got a built-in time clock.

LAMPTON: And we do have to beat that time clock

HANSON: It would be goal, yeah

_(LAMPTON and HANSON smile at each other, and have another moment)_

LAMPTON: _(Breaking eye contact)_ So, are those the case files?

HANSON: Yeah, I've already been through them twice, not a whole lot of stuff to go off of

LAMPTON: _(Takes a seat next to HANSON and begins looking over folders with him)_ It never hurts to be overly prepared

HANSON: Yeah, especially nowadays

LAMPTON: Let's not talk about that. I'm sick of talking about that. I swear, if one more person comes up to me and starts talking about that, I'm just gonna lose it.

HANSON: Okay

LAMPTON: All right, good

_LATER THAT NIGHT. HOFFS, PENHALL, and FULLER'S HOUSE. HOFFS is sitting in the KITCHEN eating a bowl of cereal in the dark. PENHALL enters._

PENHALL: Can't sleep?

HOFFS: No, you?

PENHALL: Actually I'm sleeping right now, don't be fooled by the coherent talking

HOFFS: Shut up

PENHALL: Oh, Captain Crunch, can I get in on that action?

HOFFS: I'm not gonna stop you, get a bowl

_(PENHALL grabs bowl and pours himself cereal)_

PENHALL: So, why can't you sleep?

HOFFS: What do you think?

PENHALL: The approaching judgment day?

HOFFS: Might have something to do with it. You?

PENHALL: Same reason

HOFFS: I just hate the fact that somebody's gotta go and if it's not me then it's one of my friends. How am I supposed to stay friends with a person that I just beat out for a job!

PENHALL: You just are

HOFFS: This sucks

PENHALL: No kiddin'

_(They sit in silence for a moment, eating their cereal)_

PENHALL: Who do you think it's gonna be?

HOFFS: I haven't thought about it

PENHALL: Really now, Jude?

HOFFS: Why, who do you think it's gonna be?

PENHALL: What makes you think I thought about it?

HOFFS: Just a sinking suspicion

PENHALL: Well you better start getting un-sinkingly-suspicious, cause I haven't thought about who Fuller should fire one little bit

HOFFS: Well neither have I. Not at all. Not even in passing. Never even crossed my mind in a moment of weakness, cause it's never gonna happen, cause we're all good for the job, and Fuller's taking care of it.

PENHALL: Yeah

HOFFS: Yeah

_(HOFFS and PENHALL sit in silence for a moment)_

HOFFS and PENHALL: Priss

HOFFS: What! You think Priss is gonna be fired!

PENHALL: You said it to!

HOFFS: So did you!

PENHALL: What are we fighting about, again?

HOFFS: I don't really know!

_(Pause)_

PENHALL: I think it might be Priss. It makes sense.

HOFFS: And I hate myself for even thinking of it

PENHALL: I know

HOFFS: Fuller's gonna find a way out of this. He's gonna. We shouldn't even be talking about this, cause it's never gonna happen then we're just gonna feel bad for even mentioning something so horrible about our friend

PENHALL: Best friend

HOFFS: I know

PENHALL: I hope your right

_(Pause)_

HOFFS: Did you work those numbers we came up with last night?

PENHALL: A little

HOFFS: And?

PENHALL: It's not looking good, Jude

HOFFS: Dammit

_SAME TIME. HANSON and LAMPTON are standing in the doorway of "their" BEDROOM. Both look slightly uncomfortable._

HANSON: One bed, huh?

LAMPTON: We are newlyweds

HANSON: And a poor police program with a pathetic budget

LAMPTON: Huh

HANSON: I can take the couch, if you want

LAMPTON: No, no, you take the bed, I'll take the couch

HANSON: No, I should take the couch

LAMPTON: Why? Cause you're the guy and my delicate little back just can't take the couch?

HANSON: Well _(pause)_ yeah

LAMPTON: No

_(LAMPTON rushes into BEDROOM and begins to grab a pillow and blanket)_

HANSON: I'm takin' the couch

_(HANSON enters BEDROOM and tries to take pillow and blanket away from LAMPTON)_

LAMPTON: No I'm takin' the couch

_(HANSON and LAMPTON fight over pillow and blanket)_

HANSON: It's really not a big deal, Priss

LAMPTON: And my back isn't that delicate!

HANSON: Maybe I like to sleep on uncomfortable couches. Maybe to me, they're comfortable

LAMPTON: Ha! Well then using that reasoning, maybe I like uncomfortable couches too. Maybe, I'm like Goldilocks and that couch is just right

HANSON: That's ridiculous

LAMPTON: So was yours

_(IOKI enters)_

IOKI: Why don't you both just sleep in the bed?

_(HANSON and LAMPTON freeze. They look at each other, then quickly look away)_

HANSON: We can't do that

LAMPTON: Why not? Is there is a Mrs. Hanson hidden somewhere that you haven't told us about? One of 'em mail-order types?

HANSON: No, I just, well, we're friends and partners, Priss! Colleagues! Colleagues shouldn't sleep together! Wait! Wait! You know what I mean! Sleep in the same bed. Together. At the same time. Same bed.

LAMPTON: Why, Tommy, I would have never taken you for a prude. I just might have to tell our dear friend Doug Penhall that you refused to sleep in a bed with a beautiful young woman

HANSON: And who might this beautiful young woman be?

LAMPTON: _(Laughs and playfully hits HANSON with the pillow)_ You loser!

HANSON: _(Laughing)_ You set it up

_(LAMPTON and HANSON continue to playfully talk and laugh with one another)_

IOKI: And I'm uncomfortable. Not that you care. Or even hear me for that matter. I think I'll just give you guys some alone time.

_(IOKI exits and closes the door)_

_SAME TIME. FULLER is sitting in his BEDROOM opening the FOLDER given to him by CAPTAIN LOGAN. He continues reading._

STEVE JOLIE: _(Voice-over)_ Officer Thomas Hanson shows an extreme lack of decorum when speaking with superior officers, even during matters pertaining to his career with the Police Force. We believe that this lack of decorum is caused by his environment at the Jumpstreet Chapel, due to the lax management and enforcement of standards and procedures by Captain Adam Fuller. Under his previous Captain, Officer Hanson was the quintessential example of decorum expected of a Police Officer, and always received superior marks in his behavior. For these reasons, we would recommend that Officer Hanson be transferred out of the Jumpstreet Program before any irreversible damage can be done to an otherwise outstanding Officer.

_(FULLER sets down folder and sighs)_

_A FEW MINUTES LATER. HANSON and LAMPTON are getting ready for bed. Eventually, LAMPTON goes to climb into bed._

HANSON: Wait, that's my side of the bed

LAMPTON: Your what now?

HANSON: My side, move over

LAMPTON: What if this is my side?

HANSON: Is it?

LAMPTON: No, but what if it is? I mean, I don't want to be the kind of wife that moves over just because her husband tells her to.

HANSON: You're not my actual wife, so it doesn't count

LAMPTON: Fine _(moves to the other side)_ but let the record show that I'm moving because I want to, not because you told me to

HANSON: _(Climbs into the bed, but stays far over to one side, practically balancing on the edge)_ Afraid your feminist friends might find out?

LAMPTON: No, worse, Penhall

HANSON: He would never let you live that down

LAMPTON: I don't bite, you know that right?

HANSON: I'm comfortable. This is just how I sleep.

LAMPTON: So, when you fall and hit your head, that's just apart of your normal REM cycle, right? I shouldn't be concerned, or check for bleeding or anything like that

HANSON: I'm fine

LAMPTON: Whatever, I'd just like to point out that you made me move over so that you could have your side of the bed, and now you're clutching the side like it's the last raft on the Titanic.

HANSON: I'm fine, now go to sleep

LAMPTON: Good night

HANSON: Night

_(They lay in silence for a moment)_

LAMPTON: Thanks for not talking about it

HANSON: Thanks for not wanting to talk about it

_THE NEXT MORNING. HOFFS, FULLER, and PENHALL are standing around the kitchen making breakfast. HOFFS and PENHALL are eating out of a box of cereal together, while FULLER drinks coffee._

FULLER: So, you notice anything unusual last night, Penhall?

PENHALL: No, nothing. Everything was quiet, Captain. You two?

FULLER: Nothing

HOFFS: Same here

FULLER: You ready for school today, Hoffs?

HOFFS: I'm sure Mrs. Tucker will have Kyle looking out for me, making sure I fall into the right crowds, don't sit alone at lunch, y'know

PENHALL: Good luck with that, that kid seems like a barrel of laughs

HOFFS: That family seems like a barrel of laughs

FULLER: Just make sure you find Cole Matthews. You remember what he looks like, right?

HOFFS: How could I forget? His picture has been plastered all over the news recently!

FULLER: _(Looks at watch)_ Hate to actually sound like a dad, but you probably should get out of here, but Hoffs you better head to school, you have to get there early to fill in all of the paperwork. And Penhall you better make your way over to Cole Matthew's house here in a minute

HOFFS: Sure thing, Captain. I'll see you all later.

PENHALL: See ya, Jude.

_(HOFFS exits)_

FULLER: Hey, Penhall, before you head out, can you go and sneak these over to Hanson and Lampton? _(Holds up two ring boxes)_

PENHALL: Guess you can't have a fake married couple without fake married rings

FULLER: It's hard, but not impossible

PENHALL: I'll get these right over

_SAME TIME. HANSON and LAMPTON are eating breakfast sitting at the table, while IOKI is sleeping at the same table._

LAMPTON: He's so cute when he's sleeping

HANSON: It kind of helps that he can't complain when he's asleep

_(PENHALL knocks on back door)_

LAMPTON: Oh dear lord, if that's Jackie Tucker tell her I suddenly and unexpectedly committed suicide last night and will be unable to join her today, but will be sure to join in her spirit tomorrow

HANSON: How many times did she call last night?

LAMPTON: Enough to prevent any normal activity of a newly married couple

HANSON: We'll just murder the phone tonight. That's normal for newlyweds, right?

LAMPTON: It worked in "Barefoot in the Park"

HANSON: Is that the example that we're following here?

LAMPTON: You got a better idea of how a newlywed couple should act?

HANSON: "Barefoot in the Park" it is

_(PENHALL knocks again, this time louder and angrier)_

LAMPTON: Oh crap, she probably wants me to join her cult or something. Oh my god. It's gonna be like the Stepford Wives. They're gonna dye my hair blonde, perk up my boobs, make me wear heels and 50s dresses

_(HANSON stands up while LAMPTON talks and sees PENHALL)_

HANSON: Oh, hey, it's Penhall!

LAMPTON: Oh, what's he doing over here?

HANSON: No idea _(HANSON opens door)_ Hey, man, what's up? We already catch the crook?

PENHALL: You couldn't answer the door before? It's freezing out here, man!

HANSON: Not my fault you didn't wear a coat

PENHALL: _(Gives a frustrated grunt and shoves RING BOXES at HANSON)_ Here, Fuller wanted me to give you these

HANSON: What are they? _(Opens boxes)_ Oh, rings

LAMPTON: We get rings?

HANSON: Yeah, here you go _(tosses RING BOX at LAMPTON)_ that's yours

LAMPTON:_ (Opens RING BOX)_ Dang, you liked me

PENHALL: What do you mean?

LAMPTON: _(Putting on ring)_ This is a nice ring

HANSON: _(Puts on ring)_ There we go

PENHALL: I now pronounce you fake husband and fake wife

LAMPTON: I fake thank-you

HANSON: How was last night, anything happen?

PENHALL: Nope, you?

HANSON: Nothing

LAMPTON: Nothing here, either

PENHALL: Well, I gotta go pick up my assignment

HANSON: See ya, man

PENHALL: Good luck with the ball and chain

LAMPTON: I've got a hairpin ready if need be

HANSON: Oh, ha ha

PENHALL: Bye

_LATER. COLE MATTHEW'S HOUSE. PENHALL drives up and approaches. He rings the bell, a MAID answers the door._

PENHALL: I'm Officer Doug Penhall, I'm here to escort Mr. Cole Matthews to school today

MAID: Of course, we've been expecting you, Officer Penhall

_(COLE MATTHEWS enters)_

COLE MATTHEWS: You're late

PENHALL: Sorry, Cole

COLE MATTHEWS: It's not really a problem, Officer Penhall, it's just next time you're late, try to really be late. Cause I really don't like my first hour, and having a Police Escort that hasn't arrived in time for me to attend English class is about the best excuse you can get. Cause nobody can blame you or hold it against you.

PENHALL: I'll try better next time, Cole. Got a little lost on my way over here.

COLE MATTHEWS: You mean a little delayed. I know it's a bunch of cops living in that duplex just a few blocks over.

PENHALL: Who told you that?

COLE MATTHEWS: My dad

PENHALL: Well, I'll be on time tomorrow. We had to work out some things.

COLE MATTHEWS: You know, you don't even have to come at all. I mean, if I don't have my police escort, then I can't go to school.

PENHALL: If I don't get you to school, I don't have a job

COLE MATTHEWS: So, you'll think about it

PENHALL: Not so much

COLE MATTHEWS: Then we better get going, Officer Penhall

PENHALL: Call me Doug

COLE MATTHEWS: All right, Doug

_LATER. MANSFIELD HIGH SCHOOL. PHOTOGRAPHERS and NEWSPEOPLE are outside the school. COLE MATTHEWS and PENHALL attempt to make their way through the mob. HOFFS and other STUDENTS watch from FAYE MOSS' CLASSROOM WINDOW. Camera moves back from outside the school to inside FAYE MOSS' CLASSROOM. FAYE MOSS, a very attractive teacher, is leaning over her desk writing something. HANSON enters as a bell rings._

HANSON: _(Coughs)_ Excuse me

FAYE MOSS: Yes?

HANSON: I'm Tom Henderson, you're new student teacher

FAYE MOSS: Oh, wow, I completely forgot you were coming today!

HANSON: Not a problem, Mrs. Moss

FAYE MOSS: Oh, it's Ms. and just call me Faye

HANSON: So, what do you need me to do?

FAYE MOSS: Copies

HANSON: What?

FAYE MOSS: _(Hands a stack of papers over to HANSON)_ I need all of these copied, thanks

HANSON: Sure thing. Where is the copy machine?

FAYE MOSS: Oh, just down the hall, third door on the right. It might be kinda crazy in there, we share it with the junior high and a lot of teachers like to get in there first thing in the morning cause the high school starts a good hour before the junior high does, but that's not really important

HANSON: I'll get right on this

FAYE MOSS: Thanks _(trying to remember HANSON'S name)_

HANSON: Tom

FAYE MOSS: Tom! Thank-you, Tom. Tom Hendrixson

HANSON: Henderson, Tom Henderson

FAYE MOSS: Right, Tom Henderson. You. Tom Henderson.

HANSON: Yes

FAYE MOSS: Ahh, you can go now

HANSON: Sure thing

_(HANSON exits, just as PENHALL and COLE MATTHEWS enter)_

COLE MATTHEWS: Sorry I'm late, Ms. Moss, my escort arrived late this morning

PENHALL: Car troubles

FAYE MOSS: _(to PENHALL)_ You must be the Police Officer assigned to Cole, Faye Moss, it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance

PENHALL: Doug Penhall

FAYE MOSS: Just take a seat where ever you feel is best for Cole

PENHALL: Okay, thank-you for your, consideration, Ms. Moss

_(PENHALL and COLE MATTHEWS take a seat. PENHALL catches HOFFS' amused glance)_

_COPY ROOM. HANSON enters and a woman is already at the copier. She turns around, and it's ANNIE HART, who looks surprised to see HANSON there._

ANNIE: Tom!?

HANSON: Shh!

ANNIE: _(Whispering)_ Tom? What are you doing here?

HANSON: _(Looks around)_ I'm on a case, Annie

ANNIE: Why are you in the copy room, then? Teenagers don't hang out in here.

HANSON: I'm a student teacher this time

ANNIE: Oh really, who for?

HANSON: Faye Moss

ANNIE: _(Laughs)_ Oh, you'll be in the copy room for awhile. Good luck coming into contact with any students!

HANSON: Look, Annie, you have to pretend you don't know me

ANNIE: What? Nobody knows the guy that I'm dating is a cop

HANSON: Part of my cover is that I'm married

ANNIE: Oh, really?

HANSON: _(Awkwardly) _Yeah, I think my Captain just wanted to make sure I wouldn't have any extra distractions. Y'know, in case the teacher I'm paired up with was an attractive girl or something

ANNIE: Well a little thing like a wedding ring wouldn't stop Faye Moss

HANSON: But a jealous girlfriend just might look out for me

ANNIE: I could spread a little rumor about how you're wife is the daughter of a Mafia kingpin and a former axe murderer

HANSON: Hey, they never proved anything

ANNIE: What on the Mafia connections or the axe murdering?

HANSON: I'm thinkin' both _(HANSON looks around, then kisses ANNIE briefly)_ I'll see you Saturday, right?

ANNIE: You better, Ms. Moss' student teacher that I have never met before, what is you're name again?

HANSON: Tom Henderson

ANNIE: Henderson, interesting. _(Pause)_ Is there a real, and when I say real I mean fake, Mrs. Henderson waiting for you back at your fake home

HANSON: What? Jealous?

ANNIE: Who me? The person who has never met you before in their life? No.

HANSON: You've got nothing to worry about. _(Pauses, ANNIE doesn't exactly look relieved)_ There isn't a real fake Mrs. Henderson, Ann.

ANNIE: Good. Not that I was.

HANSON: I would never dream of it

_(ANNIE exits)_

_(HANSON looks slightly uncomfortable, knowing that he just lied, then begins making copies)_

_HANSON/LAMPTON'S SIDE OF THE DUPLEX. LAMPTON is sitting in the kitchen writing notes, the case files open around her, and drinking a cup of coffee. IOKI is sitting sleeping on the table. The doorbell rings._

LAMPTON: _(Nudging IOKI)_ Get up

IOKI: _(Incoherent mumbling)_

LAMPTON: _(Pushes IOKI)_ You gotta go hide somewhere, Ioks

IOKI: What?

_(Knocking at the front door)_

LAMPTON: _(Yelling, pleasantly)_ Just a minute!

IOKI: Ugh_ (Walks away)_ I'm going to sleep in one of the beds. I don't know which one it will be, but it will be a bed.

LAMPTON: _(Whispering)_ Thank-you! And if it's mine, don't drool! _(Cleans up folders)_ Hey, wait, if it is mine, make sure you sleep on Hanson's side and drool all over the place. I mean like sloppy, dog drool kind of drooling.

IOKI: _(Incoherent mumbling)_

_(LAMPTON walks to the front door, and opens the door. JACKIE TUCKER stands outside smiling holding a pie)_

LAMPTON: Sorry that took me a second, I'm really jumpy and that doorbell went off, causing me to spill my cup of coffee, so I had to clean it up before it attracted bugs, because nothing is more scary then bugs

JACKIE: Oh, it's all right, sweetie!

LAMPTON: Would you like to come in, Jackie?

JACKIE: Sure, I hope you and that adorable husband of yours like apple pie!

_(JACKIE enters, and she and LAMPTON walk back into the KITCHEN)_

LAMPTON: It's our favorite. In fact, I tired to convince our wedding planer to let us have apple pie at the wedding instead of the traditional cake, but that suggestion went down in flames

JACKIE: Oh, I know what you're talking about! I tried to convince our wedding planner that my bridesmaids would look fantastic in tie-dye

LAMPTON: Tie-dye?

JACKIE: I was one of those brides bent on making sure I was the center of attention and that none of my bridesmaids would look better than me

LAMPTON: I remember, but I did end up picking out some gorgeous dresses for my bridesmaids

JACKIE: Yeah, me too. Do you have any pictures? I love wedding pictures.

LAMPTON: Oh, no, sorry, Jackie. They're still in storage.

JACKIE: Oh, that's a shame. You'll have to show me someday.

LAMPTON: Yeah, someday

JACKIE: So, how was your first night? I hope I didn't bother you too much, but I thought you should know about all the clubs and organizations in the neighborhood, then people kept calling me and telling me to tell you stuff and I thought I should tell you right away

LAMPTON: _(Slightly forced) _Oh, no it was fine. But the duplex is a nice change from our last place. More space. Really comfortable.

JACKIE: Well this is one of the nicest gated communities in the area. You know, Senator Matthews and his family lives here. Of course he doesn't live in a duplex, but it's in the area.

LAMPTON: Really? The same Senator that's been making all of those headlines?

JACKIE: The very one. I feel terrible for his son, however. He's in Kyle's class. Really terrible thing that something his father is doing is affecting him in the worst possible way

LAMPTON: Well, his father has got to stand by his principle's and I'm sure that the Police are doing everything to make sure that his son is all right, don't you think?

JACKIE: I know he's got a Police Escort today, saw him on the news. He's a good-looking guy, if I was fifteen years younger and single, well, you know what I mean

LAMPTON: Well then, obviously the Police are working on it. Have you noticed anything?

JACKIE: Besides the fact that Cole Matthews is staying at his house alone again? No.

LAMPTON: Alone?

JACKIE: Oh lord yes, his father is in Washington for most of the year, and his mother is probably off at some spa or something recuperating from the threats

LAMPTON: One of those delicate types, huh?

JACKIE: If some guy made a threat on my Kyle's head, oh, there'd be hell to pay. I wouldn't sleep. I'd spend every moment of every day trying to hunt down the jerk.

LAMPTON: Well, some things are best left to the Police

JACKIE: But let's talk of something more pleasant. I did actually come over for more then just to give you the pie, I was wondering if you'd like to join me and the girls for lunch tomorrow. It's a weekly thing. And it's all the wives in the area, even the elusive Mrs. Matthews when she's feeling up to it

LAMPTON: I'd love to join you, Jackie. I'd love to get to know more people in the neighborhood.

JACKIE: Well great then! I'll see you tomorrow?

LAMPTON: Sure thing, what time and where?

JACKIE: Oh, I'll pick you up around one, is that all right?

LAMPTON: It's perfect

JACKIE: Oh, and you and that hunky husband of yours should come to the homeowners meeting tonight! You'll get to meet almost everyone in the neighborhood!

LAMPTON: Sure, what time and where?

JACKIE: It's at my house, tonight at seven. There'll be food there, but nothing major, so I'd eat dinner in advance

LAMPTON: Great, we'll be there

_MANSFIELD HIGH SCHOOL LUNCHROOM. HANSON and COLE are walking through the LUNCHROOM. Eventually they sit at a table with RACHEL, LUKE, and HUNTER._

LUKE: Dude, you brought your escort?

RACHEL: Can't you just dump him somewhere or something? I mean, it's not like somebody's gonna attack you while your at school where there are about ten thousand different cameras out ready to capture the attack on film. And let me tell you, you get something on tape, you get the jury.

COLE: Oh deal with it

HUNTER: _(to PENHALL) _So, copper, how does it feel to be stuck in a high school all day following this loser?

COLE: Oh, shut it, Hunter

RACHEL: What? Afraid we might hurt the guy's feelings?

LUKE: Well, Rach, he is right there

COLE: Doug, this is Luke and Rachel, and that ugly thing over there we call Hunter. Guys this is Officer Doug Penhall.

PENHALL: Seriously, you don't have to call me that. Doug is fine.

RACHEL: Humble

HUNTER: So, would you take a bullet for our boy over here?

PENHALL: If that was required, yeah. That'd be in the job description.

COLE: That's good information to have

LUKE: Very good

RACHEL: Unless you're the shooter, then that's not so good. I mean, it's never good to shoot a cop, even accidentally.

PENHALL: Glad we got that cleared up

_(SWITCH to HOFF'S LUNCH TABLE. HOFFS is sitting with KYLE TUCKER and his friends, including AUDREY, NATALIE, and CHARLIE)_

KYLE: So, Judy, these are my friends, Audrey, Natalie, and Charlie. All of whom you can promptly forget about as soon as you leave this table because they truly are not worth your time. In fact, if you have a brain, which I assume you do, you should probably just stand up right now before you are permanently associated with this lot and go and make friends with that lot _(motions to PENHALL and COLE'S table)_

NATALIE: They even get their own hunky bodyguard

AUDREY: Why can't we have a hunky bodyguard? Quick, Charlie, do something important.

CHARLIE: I'll try to cure cancer in Chemistry. Then maybe they'll send us a hot girl cop to hang out with us all day. _(Pause)_ A hot girl cop that can't arrest us or stop us from doing anything illegal.

HOFFS: That would be the down side to your plan

KYLE: I bet Cole's just dying over there, having to be constantly watched by a cop. Rachel's probably gonna step out here any minute to go and "work on a homework assignment" then go have her daily injection.

AUDREY: Ah, to be rich and stuck in public school to help daddy's campaign

CHARLIE: Actually in Hunter's case it's mommy's. I don't actually know what his father does. He does have one, I see him on the campaign trial, but is he just a campaign husband?

HOFFS: We do have stay-at-home dad's now

KYLE: I love this new feminist world

CHARLIE:_ (Raising his milk)_ Here, here!

HOFFS: Why does he have a bodyguard?

KYLE: You mean you don't know?

HOFFS: That would be why I asked the question

KYLE: Cole Matthews is the son of Senator Matthews, who just took a very controversial stance on abortion recently

HOFFS: Oh yeah, isn't he in support of it?

CHARLIE: You got it

KYLE: And now his dear sweet little boy, who he sees a grand total of three months a year is receiving death threats and they've called in the police to keep him safe

HOFFS: Death threats?

AUDREY: Yep, death threats

HOFFS: Does anyone know who it is?

NATALIE: It's no one in the school, I can tell you that much

HOFFS: How can you be so sure?

NATALIE: None of the students are crazy enough to try and pull something like that

HOFFS: So you don't have any hard evidence

KYLE: Well, no, but how many kids do you know that would try and pull a murder off in a high school?

HOFFS: Well you always hear stories

CHARLIE: And that's all they are, stories. None of them are real.

AUDREY: At least in suburbia

KYLE: Which we are currently trapped in

_LATER. LAMPTON and HANSON'S side of the DUPLEX. LAMPTON is sitting at the KITCHEN TABLE reading the NEWSPAPER. HOFFS knocks at the BACKDOOR, LAMPTON motions her in._

LAMPTON: Hey, what's up?

HOFFS: Nothing much, you?

LAMPTON: Just reading the paper for any freak accidents involving seven-year-old girls

HOFFS: Cheery

LAMPTON: Got anything on the case?

HOFFS: Nothing much happening. I'm in with Kyle and his friends, but they don't seem to think it could be anyone in the school for the sheer reason that this kind of stuff just doesn't happen in the suburbs

LAMPTON: Wow, what logic

HOFFS: I know _(sits down across from LAMPTON at the table)_ This is just a crappy case

LAMPTON: At least it's a case

_(As HOFFS talks, LAMPTON'S mood changes from uncaring to aggitated) _

HOFFS: I know, I just wish that we had a better one. I mean I'm just sitting with these kids all day as they rattle on about nothing and nothing. And I'm sure Penhall's having even more fun, because the kids all know that he's a cop. _(Chuckles)_ And here we are trying to prove that we all deserve to stay here, and nothing's really happening, and I doubt that anything will actually happen.

LAMPTON: _(Irritated)_ You never know

HOFFS: _(Pause)_ You okay, Priss?

LAMPTON: _(Puts down paper)_ I'm fine, Judy

HOFFS: You sure?

LAMPTON: Positive

HOFFS: _(Sighs) _Anything happening on this front of the case?

LAMPTON: Besides tea party invites, no. And I doubt that a hardened criminal will be attending the ladies luncheon that I have recently been invited too

HOFFS: Priss, are you mad about something? You can tell me, you know that, right?

LAMPTON: I'm fine

HOFFS: You don't seem it

LAMPTON: Well, dammit, Judy, that's just you're opinion. My opinion about my feelings happens to rank higher than your opinion about my feelings, so there.

HOFFS: I'm not the enemy, Priss

LAMPTON: Then why aren't you more afraid of being fired?

HOFFS: _(Unbelievably)_ I am

LAMPTON: No, you're not. You know you're sitting pretty. Both you and Penhall. It's this side of the duplex that's screwed.

HOFFS: Nothing going to happen to us. Fuller's going to find a way.

LAMPTON: You know what, I'm sick of having this conversation with you, Judy! Something is going to happen. Something bad and it's going to happen to me, Hanson, or Ioki. So just go back to you're side of the duplex and continue being perfect little you.

HOFFS: That was totally uncalled for.

LAMPTON: I promise I'll cry myself to sleep tonight

HOFFS: Screw you, Priss

_(HOFFS exits)_

LAMPTON: _(Mumbling to herself) _Well there goes that friendship

_(HANSON enters, hearing the commotion)_

HANSON: What was that all about?

LAMPTON: Judy attempting to pretend like nothing was going to happen. I might have snapped a little.

HANSON: A little?

LAMPTON: A lot

HANSON: Then why aren't you snapping at me?

LAMPTON: We're sharing the same casket right about now

HANSON: Good point, that makes us allies

LAMPTON: Or harsh competitors

HANSON: Unless you want to double team Ioki

_(IOKI enters)_

IOKI: Double team me in what?

LAMPTON: Parcheesi

IOKI: You can double team in Parcheesi?

LAMPTON: Probably, I've never actually played

HANSON: And on that note, I believe we have some kind of dinner to attend?

LAMPTON: A homeowners dinner, actually

HANSON: And you're sure you're not going to blow up at anyone there?

LAMPTON: Hanson don't go there

HANSON: Right, light and fluffy conversation it is

LAMPTON: You got it

_OTHER SIDE OF THE DUPLEX. HOFFS walks into the kitchen visibly upset. PENHALL is standing at the counter eating a sandwich. He notices HOFFS right away and puts down his sandwich and walks over to her, putting his hands on her arms._

PENHALL: Yo, hey, Jude, what's up?

HOFFS: It's nothing

PENHALL: It's something

HOFFS: Me and Priss just had this stupid fight. I don't even know what it was about. Well, I do know what it was about, but she just blew up at me. It was like I was chanting 'you're gonna be fired, you're gonna be fired'

PENHALL: _(Wipes a tear from her cheek)_ Hey, we knew that this could happen, remember, Jude? We knew that they were probably gonna be angry.

HOFFS: But I didn't think she'd actually say something

PENHALL: She's Priss, she'd tell off a puppy. And for whatever reason, that's what we love about her

HOFFS: _(Chuckles)_ God, look at me

PENHALL: You look fine

HOFFS: I'm crying, there's snot dripping from my nose, and you're just sitting here cracking jokes about Priss and puppies

PENHALL: There's no snot coming out of your nose

HOFFS: Liar

PENHALL: Well, yeah, and it's super disgusting, mind if I get you a Kleenex?

HOFFS: Thanks

_(PENHALL hands HOFFS a KLEENEX, and HOFFS wipes her face)_

HOFFS: God, this is so stupid

PENHALL: It's not stupid

HOFFS: Yes it is

PENHALL: Hey, she had no right to blow up at you. She can feel whatever she wants to feel, but she didn't have to blow up at you. _(Pause)_ As long as you didn't deserve it

HOFFS: I didn't deserve it

PENHALL: I didn't think so. I can't see dear sweet Judy Hoffs pissing anyone off. Except the hardened criminals she takes down, but even then when they take a look at you, they just have to forgive you

HOFFS: You're terrible

PENHALL: I prefer sweet-talker

HOFFS: Thanks, I needed that

PENHALL: _(Smiles and gives HOFFS' a hug)_ I know (_kisses HOFFS' forehead. They pause for a moment, both eye locked. PENHALL leans towards her)_

_(FULLER enters, looking at a folder)_

FULLER: Penhall

_(PENHALL and HOFFS jump apart as soon as FULLER walks in.)_

PENHALL: Yea, boss?

FULLER: Sorry, was I interrupting something?

HOFFS: Just discussing the case, Captain

FULLER: Penhall, mind explaining to me some of the more colorful aspects of you're report

PENHALL: Just mentioning the conversation the kids were having

FULLER: Why?

PENHALL: In case it somehow becomes important later, Captain. It could very well be one of Cole's friends, because they could easily get close to him, and I was thinking that maybe we could check to see if any of the wording matched

FULLER: The wording of a death threat and a discussion about sharpie markers?

PENHALL: Sharpie markers verses Mr. Sketch markers, actually, Captain

FULLER: I think you can omit that particular conversation, Penhall

PENHALL: Just wanted to be thorough, Captain

FULLER: Just fix it so that it's a normal report, Penhall

PENHALL: Right away, Captain

_(PENHALL exits)_

FULLER: Well I've got a homeowners meeting to attend, Hoffs. I assume I can leave you alone with Penhall without any trouble, right?

HOFFS: We don't have any plans to throw a major rave while you're gone, Captain

FULLER: Just checking

_(FULLER exits)_

_(HOFFS touches her lips, then looks over to LAMPTON'S side of the duplex)_

HOFFS: Now that is so inconvenient

_TO BE CONTINUED..._

* * *

**_Updates up ASAP.  
Please review. _**


	13. 7: Family Matters part two, part 1

_Anwa's back folks, however not with a brand new mission. Sorry this took so long to get up, however life kind of got in the way of me being able to work on this little project of mine. So please continue to bare with me as updates will most likely continue to come slowly. On a brighter note, I do have outlines for the next several episodes, and I can tell you to stay tuned, cause you're gonna get your money's worth out of Anwa (that would be if you were paying to read this...but that's besides the point)._

_Thanks to all who reivewed, your comments and enthusim are always appericated. _

* * *

**21 JUMPSTREET**

**_Family Matters, Part Two_**

IOKI: Previously on 21 Jumpstreet

_(EPISODE SIX. FULLER is telling EVERYONE about the case)_

FULLER: The very one. Cole Matthews has been receiving death threats, which we believed to be in response to the Senator's recent pro-abortion stance in the senate.

PENHALL: So what are we doing, Captain?

FULLER: Well, we'll be monitoring him. Watching his back, basically. We'll live in his neighborhood, it's a nice little gated community with a vacant duplex we'll be stationed in, and be present in his high school.

_(EPISODE SIX. DUPLEX. HANSON and LAMPTON are unloading boxes)_

HANSON: What?

LAMPTON: We're newlyweds. It seems like a newlywed kissing moment.

HANSON: Okay. If you're sure Condor wouldn't be jealous

LAMPTON: No, not at all

_(HANSON and LAMPTON kiss. They lock eyes for a minute)_

HANSON: _(Breaking eye contact)_ Well, the car's not gonna unload itself

LAMPTON: Yeah, yeah, you're right

HANSON: Yeah

LAMPTON: You can put me down now

HANSON:_ (Putting LAMPTON down)_ Sorry, forgot

LAMPTON: I'm just that light, huh

_(EPISODE SIX. COPY ROOM. HANSON and ANNIE are talking)_

ANNIE: Henderson, interesting. _(Pause)_ Is there a real, and when I say real I mean fake, Mrs. Henderson waiting for you back at your fake home

HANSON: What? Jealous?

ANNIE: Who me? The person who has never met you before in their life? No.

HANSON: You've got nothing to worry about. _(Pauses, ANNIE doesn't exactly look relieved)_ There isn't a real fake Mrs. Henderson, Ann.

ANNIE: Good. Not that I was.

HANSON: I would never dream of it

_(ANNIE exits)_

_(HANSON looks slightly uncomfortable, knowing that he just lied, then begins making copies)_

_(EPISODE SIX. DUPLEX. HANSON is looking over the case folder, while IOKI reads a letter)_

HANSON: We've been here one day and you've already got mail. How many girlfriends do you have?

IOKI: No, no, it's the one from my apartment earlier, I haven't had a chance to read it yet

_(HANSON starts going through case files again, sitting down on the couch, as IOKI reads his letter, slowly growing more and more upset as he reads. HANSON eventually notices)_

HANSON: You okay, man?

IOKI: Yeah, fine, why wouldn't I be?

_(EPISODE SIX. DUPLEX. HOFFS and LAMPTON are talking.)_

HOFFS: I'm not the enemy, Priss

LAMPTON: Then why aren't you more afraid of being fired?

HOFFS: _(Unbelievably)_ I am

LAMPTON: No, you're not. You know you're sitting pretty. Both you and Penhall. It's this side of the duplex that's screwed.

HOFFS: Nothing going to happen to us. Fuller's going to find a way.

LAMPTON: You know what, I'm sick of having this conversation with you, Judy! Something is going to happen. Something bad and it's going to happen to me, Hanson, or Ioki. So just go back to your side of the duplex and continue being perfect little you.

HOFFS: That was totally uncalled for.

LAMPTON: I promise I'll cry myself to sleep tonight

HOFFS: Screw you, Priss

_(EPISODE SIX. DUPLEX. HOFFS and PENHALL are talking, PENHALL is comforting HOFFS)_

PENHALL: _(Smiles and gives HOFFS' a hug)_ I know (_kisses HOFFS' forehead. They pause for a moment, both eye locked. PENHALL leans towards her)_

_(FULLER enters, looking at a folder)_

_(PENHALL and HOFFS jump apart as soon as FULLER walks in.)_

FULLER: Penhall, mind explaining to me some of the more colorful aspects of your report?

PENHALL: Right away, Captain

_(PENHALL exits)_

FULLER: Well I've got a homeowners meeting to attend, Hoffs. I assume I can leave you alone with Penhall without any trouble, right?

HOFFS: We don't have any plans to throw a major rave while you're gone, Captain

FULLER: Just checking

_(FULLER exits)_

_(HOFFS touches her lips, then looks over to LAMPTON'S side of the duplex)_

HOFFS: Now that is so inconvenient

_OPENING CREDITS. _

_COLE MATTHEWS HOUSE. COLE is lying on his couch asleep, the TV is on and schoolwork is surrounding him. A POLICE CAR sits outside his house with OFFICERS GIBBS and CANNON inside drinking coffee. A brick flies through the window, jarring COLE from his sleep and the OFFICERS react._

COLE:_ (Jumping from the couch)_ Holy!

_(COLE studies the brick. Written on it is "Next time I won't miss". OFFICERS GIBBS and CANNON enter, panicked)_

COLE: What happened?

OFFICER GIBBS: I didn't see anything

OFFICER CANNON: Shit, call Penhall

COLE: There's a phone in the kitchen just over there_ (motions towards KITCHEN)_

_(OFFICER GIBBS exits)_

OFFICER CANNON: _(Studying the brick)_ We'll make other arrangements for you tonight, Cole. You can't stay here.

COLE: _(Still shaken, but attempting to play it off)_ That's obvious

_(OFFICER GIBBS enters)_

OFFICER GIBBS: He says he'll be here shortly, he's in the area.

OFFICER CANNON: _(to GIBBS)_ Where are we gonna stick the kid?

COLE: The kid is standing right here

OFFICER GIBBS: We have to find some place for him to stay until we find this creep. So much for an easy assignment.

COLE: I can just stay with one of my friends. My friend Luke has a guestroom that his family never uses

OFFICER GIBBS:_ (Cutting COLE off)_ We can't do that, having you stay at a friend's house isn't safe enough

OFFICER CANNON: You think Fuller would take him in? They're just over a couple of streets.

OFFICER GIBBS: That might out them as cops

_(There's a knock at the door, PENHALL enters)_

PENHALL: Hello? Anyone home?

OFFICER GIBSS: Over here, Penhall

PENHALL: You okay, Cole?

COLE: I'm fine, Doug

PENHALL: Really? Cause I'd be shaking in my boots right about now.

COLE: I'm fine

PENHALL: Did you see anything?

COLE: No, nothing

OFFICER GIBBS: Not a thing

OFFICER CANNON: We were at our position, Penhall. It was just like we blinked, then there was this loud crash, and the next thing we know there's a brick through the front window and nobody around

PENHALL: _(Sarcastically)_ Great _(pause) _All right, here's what we are going to do, Cole you're coming with me so I'd pack a bag with everything you might possibly need for about the next week or so, okay?

COLE: Where are we going?

PENHALL: I'm going to take you to the Police Station tonight, we can stay there in case we're still being watched by your attacker, then I'll move you to another location tomorrow.

COLE: Where?

PENHALL: I don't know yet

COLE: Why can't I just stay at the Police Station?

PENHALL: Police Stations aren't exactly the Four Seasons. They're not meant to live in, even for hardened criminals.

OFFICER GIBBS: What do you want us to do, Penhall?

PENHALL: Keep your post. Watch for anything suspicious. And no blinking this time.

OFFICER CANNON: When will a team be out to process the scene?

PENHALL: I've already made the call. They'll be here within the hour. I just wanted to get Cole out first, they can get his statement at the station.

_SAME TIME. TUCKER HOUSE. HANSON and LAMPTON are standing near other NEIGHBORS talking. FULLER is nearby talking with another set of neighbors_.

MAN 1: So, I hear you two moved into that vacant duplex

HANSON: Just yesterday, actually

MAN 1: And you've already been roped into attending a Homeowners Association meeting! Damn, Jackie's gotten even faster. That has to be some kind of record

HANSON: She is a hard woman to say no to

MAN 2: She's a hard woman to say anything to. She barely lets anyone get a word in edgewise.

LAMPTON: She means well, you can tell that

MAN 1: She does mean well, but my ears can only take so much wellness

WOMAN 1: Oh, but she is a dear for hosting all of this

LAMPTON: Very true

_(LAMPTON looks to FULLER, who seems to be having just as much luck finding out information as HANSON and LAMPTON)_

WOMAN 2: So, you're new to the neighborhood

FULLER: Yes, my daughter and I just moved

WOMAN 2: What do you think of the neighborhood?

FULLER: It's lovely. I'm glad we chose it

WOMAN 2: _(Flirtatiously)_ So, just you and your daughter?

_(LAMPTON chuckles, and HANSON notices)_

HANSON:_ (Whispering)_ What?

LAMPTON:_ (Whispering)_ Nothing

HANSON: _(Whispering)_ You'll tell me later, right?

LAMPTON: _(Whispering)_ Maybe even reenact it for you

HANSON:_ (Kisses LAMPTON'S forehead)_ Looking forward to it

WOMAN 1: What are you two being so secretive about?

WOMAN 3: Oh, leave them, they're newlyweds!

LAMPTON: Oh, it's nothing, really.

WOMAN 1: Oh, we shouldn't be bothering you two. We'll leave you alone for now!

_(WOMAN 1 and WOMAN 3 begin to leave. MAN 1 lags a little behind)_

MAN 1: _(to HANSON)_ Run, man, run while you still can

LAMPTON: Too bad I've already got him on a leash

HANSON: You're hilarious, babe

LAMPTON: You brought up the ball and chain earlier, sweetie

MAN 1: It's already too late

HANSON: What can I say, I'm too blinded by the sex to notice my captivity

_(LAMPTON playfully hits HANSON)_

MAN 1: So true those first couple of years, Tom. But let me tell you, when the first kid comes, it all changes.

LAMPTON: I wouldn't say that

_(JACKIE TUCKER enters holding a telephone)_

JACKIE: Tom? _(Sees HANSON)_ Oh, there you two are. Tom your brother is on the phone. Says it's urgent.

HANSON: My brother, huh?

JACKIE: Yes, I'd hurry, he sounded really worried, Tom.

HANSON: Do you mind?

JACKIE: Not at all

HANSON: Thank-you, I'll try to be quick

_(JACKIE gives HANSON the PHONE, HANSON exits)_

LAMPTON: He's very close with his brother

JACKIE: So, have you gotten to know everyone yet?

LAMPTON: A little here and there. It's a very friendly neighborhood.

JACKIE: What about Adam Fisher?_ (JACKIE motions to FULLER)_ I mean, I'm sure you've seen him, he lives in the other side of your duplex

LAMPTON: Yes, well, I haven't met him officially yet

JACKIE: Well, hell, why didn't you say something! Here, I'll introduce you to him!

_(JACKIE brings LAMPTON over to FULLER)_

JACKIE: Adam Fisher, I'd like you to meet Priscilla Henderson

LAMPTON: Just Priss, actually

JACKIE: Oh, sorry, dear

LAMPTON: Common mistake. You don't meet many Priscilla's

FULLER: Hello there, Priss. It's nice to finally meet you

LAMPTON: I have seen you around, Adam. We are duplex buddies.

FULLER: That we are

_(HANSON returns, and gives the phone back to JACKIE)_

HANSON: Thank-you so much, Jackie

JACKIE: Oh, not a problem. Is everything all right with your brother, Tom?

_(FULLER clues in, he looks to LAMPTON who gives an "I don't know" shrug)_

HANSON: Well Doug, that's my brother, has run into a little bit of a snag with his son, Cole.

LAMPTON: What kind of a snag? A fixable kind of snag, or like he's gone missing kind of snag.

HANSON: Completely fixable. Just wanted to see if we could stop by tonight, help him out a little bit

JACKIE: Well I hope everything works itself out

FULLER: Me too

_(JACKIE sees another person that she knows, she motions)_

JACKIE: Oh, hello there, Kevin!_ (to LAMPTON, HANSON, and FULLER)_ Again, my best wishes for your brother and his son. I hope you don't mind my terrible rudeness by running off, but I haven't spoken with Kevin in ages

LAMPTON: Not a problem, Jackie. Chat it up.

_(JACKIE exits)_

FULLER:_ (in a hushed tone)_ What happened?

HANSON: _(in a hushed tone)_ Somebody threw a brick through Cole's window.

LAMPTON:_ (in a hushed tone)_ Is everyone okay?

HANSON: _(in a hushed tone)_ Yeah, they missed Cole, but the brick had 'next time I won't miss' written on it. Captain, I don't like this. They're getting more aggressive.

FULLER:_ (in a hushed tone)_ What's Penhall doing?

HANSON:_ (in a hushed tone)_ Bringing Cole to the chapel, and they're gonna spend the night there. Wants to move him later to our side of the duplex.

LAMPTON:_ (in a hushed tone)_ Why?

HANSON: _(in a hushed tone) _Doesn't want him to know that Judy's a cop too

FULLER: _(in a hushed tone)_ That's a good idea

HANSON: _(in a hushed tone)_ I'm going to stop by tonight. Check things out. _(to LAMPTON)_ You wanna come with me?

LAMPTON: _(in a hushed tone)_ Phone date with Emma tonight, actually, if that's okay

HANSON: _(in a hushed tone)_ That's fine. I really don't need to go anyways, but I just want to get the logistics of transferring Cole to our place worked out as soon as possible.

FULLER: Well, in any case, we can rule out any of the people here

LAMPTON: You're right. They've been trapped here with us this entire time. How could they have thrown a brick and be here at the same time.

HANSON: It's not like we can leave and come back. Jackie's got this place on lockdown.

LAMPTON: So the question is, who's not here

_(HANSON, LAMPTON, and FULLER look around the room at the PEOPLE)_

_(MARCIE and DAVID WILLIS enter and begin talking with other GUESTS)_

MARCIE: Hi, sorry we're late!

DAVID: You wouldn't believe it if we told you!

HANSON: I think we may have just have gotten our answer

_JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. PENHALL and COLE enter, following "BLOWFISH", who does not look too happy to have been woken up in the middle of the night. Other OFFICERS are walking around, manning phone lines, looking at paper work, etc. CHIEF LOGAN can be seen in the background watching PENHALL'S actions._

PENHALL: Thanks again, Sal

"BLOWFISH": Yeah, for all of this, Fuller better not go firing my ass. I mean this isn't even apart of my job description. I'm a maintenance engineer, not a babysitter!

COLE:_ (Whispering to PENHALL)_ Maintenance engineer?

PENHALL: _(Whispering to COLE)_ Janitor

"BLOWFISH": _(Grumpily)_ I heard that!

PENHALL: You didn't let me finish

"BLOWFISH": So finish

_(PENHALL and COLE exchange looks)_

PENHALL: Ahh, well I was just about to say, before I was so rudely interrupted

_(Phone rings at LAMPTON'S DESK)_

PENHALL: Oh thank god _(PENHALL answers phone)_ Hello, Priss Lampton's phone

CONDOR:_ (on phone)_ Penhall?

PENHALL: You know, you really should be with your wife, dear. I know it's hard, living this lie, that is, but you're fake wife fake loves you, sugar lips.

CONDOR: _(on phone)_ It's Condor

PENHALL: _(Slightly embarrassed)_ Oh, sorry, thought you were Hanson. You know, you two sound really similar on the phone.

CONDOR:_ (on phone)_ Sure, whatever, where's Priss?

PENHALL: On a case, didn't she tell you?

CONDOR: _(on phone)_ Yea, she told me, but I couldn't get her at the house phone, so I figured that you guys had all made a pit stop to the chapel

PENHALL: No such luck

_("BLOWFISH" looks at PENHALL mouthing 'who?')_

PENHALL: _(covers mouthpiece to phone, mockingly)_ The boyfriend

"BLOWFISH": Oh, Hanson, put him on speaker

PENHALL: No! Condor!

CONDOR:_ (on phone)_ Penhall? You there, Penhall?

PENHALL:_ (to CONDOR)_ Yeah, yeah _(to "BLOWFISH")_ I didn't know she was still dating him

"BLOWFISH": It's been pretty quiet

PENHALL: Priss isn't a quiet gal

CONDOR:_ (on phone)_ I can hear you talking you know that, right, Penhall?

PENHALL: Who's a what now? I wasn't talking. Why would I talk about someone while I was on the phone with that someone. That's just dumb.

CONDOR:_ (on phone)_ Sure thing, Penhall, whatever. Just tell Priss that my parents want to have lunch at their house, to be prepared because my siblings have decided to join us, and therefore will be bringing their entire crews, so patience hats will be required. They're cute, but when there's that many in a room together, well, she's got a kid, she knows.

PENHALL:_ (more to "BLOWFISH" then to CONDOR)_ Wait, so you're having lunch with your entire family tomorrow at noon with Priss?

CONDOR: Yeah, you got that, big guy?

PENHALL: Yeah, yeah, I'll be sure to give it to her

CONDOR: Bye

PENHALL: I'll be sure to give her the message_ (PENHALL hangs up phone)_ Well apparently our darling little Lampton and her big stud Condor are a bit more serious than we originally thought

"BLOWFISH": So, she's having lunch with the potential in-laws

PENHALL: That's pretty serious

"BLOWFISH": She doesn't even have any pictures of him on her desk

PENHALL: It's not like she can fit any in between all of those of Emma

"BLOWFISH": Well, this one made it on here _(holds up a picture of HANSON, LAMPTON, and EMMA at EMMA'S BIRTHDAY BOWLING PARTY)_

PENHALL: Interesting

COLE: What are you two talking about?

PENHALL: _(Slams down picture)_ Nothing

"BLOWFISH": Nothing at all

PENHALL: In fact, this is all case related. Just in code.

"BLOWFISH": Yeah, in code. In fact, we're actually talking in code right now. But you'd never know, would you?

PENHALL: Never, ever

"BLOWFISH": Oh, what was that? You want a peanut butter sandwich, man. I think Fuller left some sandwich supplies in the office kitchen

PENHALL: You see? Code.

COLE: Yeah, right. So, where am I sleeping?

PENHALL: Blowfish here is gonna take care of you

COLE: Blowfish?

PENHALL: Oh, Sal, sorry. Blowfish is just a little nickname we have for him.

COLE: Where are you going?

PENHALL: I'm gonna go and stay at your house. Try and see if anyone tries to come back or anything. Worse case, I'll just get a little closer look at the crime scene. We've got people looking for suspects now.

COLE: Cool

PENHALL: All right, well, see you tomorrow morning, Cole. Sleep good. Y'know. All that jazz.

"BLOWFISH": Make sure you give Priss the message

PENHALL: Course

COLE: I thought you guys were talking in code then

PENHALL: Who's to say that wasn't just code?

COLE: Whatever

_(PENHALL exits)_

"BLOWFISH": So, you wanna see why they call me Blowfish?

_DUPLEX. IOKI is sitting in the LIVING ROOM. He picks up the phone and dials._

IOKI: Hello? Doctor Umstead?_ (Pause)_ Hi, it's Harry Ioki, you did my blood work a couple of days ago_ (Pause)_ Uh-huh, I actually have a question for you, if that's okay _(Pause)_ Thank-you

_JACKIE TUCKER'S HOUSE. LAMPTON and HANSON are standing in a corner watching MARCIE and DAVID WILLIS interacting with others. FULLER approaches, acting naturally, casually interacting with those around him._

FULLER: A lot of neighbors here

LAMPTON: An interesting bunch of people, I'd say. A lot of differing interests, values.

HANSON: _(Motioning towards MARCIE and DAVID)_ Those two over there are especially interesting. Don't believe we've met them yet.

FULLER: Well I would recommend you two get on that

LAMPTON: What about you?

FULLER: It's been awhile since I've been in the field. I might slip up in my line of questioning.

HANSON: I'm sure that's the reason

_(HANSON and LAMPTON approach MARCIE and DAVID, who are still involved in conversation with two other GUESTS)_

LAMPTON: _(Whispering to HANSON)_ Smile pretty, dear

HANSON:_ (Whispering to LAMPTON)_ Keep it friendly, honey

LAMPTON: _(Whispering to HANSON)_ I'm always friendly, sugar

HANSON: _(Whispering to LAMPTON)_ You're two steps away from earning several restraining orders, sweetie

LAMPTON: I'm choosing not to respond to that, for your sake

HANSON: Why?

LAMPTON: Because you're delicate ego would not hold up to my witty jabs

HANSON: You just don't have a comeback

LAMPTON: Do too

HANSON: Then say it

LAMPTON: I'm trying to be a better person

HANSON: Sure

LAMPTON: _(to MARCIE and DAVID)_ Hi, I don't believe we've met, I'm Priss Henderson and this is my husband, Tom. We just moved in down the street.

MARCIE: Oh, you're the new couple in the duplex. It's a pleasure to meet you, I'm Marcie Willis and this is my husband, David. I think I've heard Jackie talking about you, Priss. Heard you're supposed to come to lunch with us one of these days.

LAMPTON: Oh, I am looking forward to it. I haven't met many of the neighbors before this, and I would really like to get to know everyone better

HANSON: Wow, honey, I'm so proud! You got through that entire spill with a straight face!

LAMPTON: He's kidding. I love luncheons.

MARICE: You can stop pretending, Priss. We all hate the luncheons, but Jackie certainly seems to love them enough to keep inviting us all out.

DAVID: And you girls could always say no

MARICE: She'd know

LAMPTON: I believe it

HANSON: So, why were you two so late?

LAMPTON: More importantly, how did you get away with it?

MARCIE: Well, a couple of masters should never reveal their secrets

DAVID: Unless they were made an offer they couldn't refuse

LAMPTON: Well, whatda want?

MARCIE: Dinner might be nice

DAVID: Marcie can't cook

MARCIE: It's true. The fire department has had to been called on many occasions

DAVID: We're on a first name basis with those guys

LAMPTON: I think we might be able to cook something up

HANSON: Priss here isn't a terrible cook

LAMPTON: Isn't terrible? Don't you mean a fantastic cook?

HANSON: I mean whatever isn't gonna put me on the spare couch tonight

LAMPTON: I thought so

MARCIE: I miss being a newlywed

DAVID: I don't

MARCIE: Enjoy this while you can, Priss

LAMPTON: I'll be sure to

DAVID: Pray for a swift and peaceful transition to normal married life, Tom

HANSON: Already on it

_LATER. DUPLEX. FULLER is sitting at a DESK with the FOLDER'S open all around him. HANSON'S FOLDER and LAMPTON'S FOLDER are sitting out in front of him along with a notepad and the list of the OFFICERS with HOFF'S and PENHALL'S NAMES crossed off. FULLER writes a note in HANSON'S FOLDER, then picks up LAMPTON'S._

VOICE OF STEVE JOLIE: While we commend Officer Priscilla Lampton's obvious spirit and devotion to her job, we believe that Officer Lampton is both unwilling and unable to complete her duties to the full amount. Being in the Jumpstreet Program means giving up a large majority of an officer's time, and Officer Lampton has expressed her unwillingness to give up this time. We do not mean to punish Officer Lampton for having a daughter, but she has made it clear that her daughter is her priority, as she should be, and therefore we would recommend Officer Lampton for transfer out of the Jumpstreet Program.

_(FULLER sets down LAMPTON'S FILE and sighs. He looks back at the list of the OFFICERS and circle's both HANSON and LAMPTON'S names.)_

_DUPLEX. HANSON and LAMPTON walk into their side of the DUPLEX. IOKI is sitting in the armchair waiting for them._

IOKI: Well weren't you two out late

HANSON: Cute, Ioks

IOKI: I'm just saying. It just seems like a homeowners association meeting might not last until the wee hours of the morning

LAMPTON: We hooked up with some potential suspects

IOKI: Interesting. They still on the docket or are they cleared?

HANSON: Docket

LAMPTON: They're coming over for diner tomorrow night

HANSON: By the way, Ioki, can you cook?

IOKI: Yea, why?

LAMPTON: Thank god, cause I can't and we promised them I could

HANSON: And there's a reason I go over to my mom's house so much

LAMPTON: Really? I just thought it was because you're such a momma's boy

HANSON: Am not

IOKI: Dude, you totally are

HANSON: I'm not

LAMPTON: I'm going to bed

_(LAMPTON exits)_

HANSON: I'm not a momma's boy

IOKI: She's not even in the room anymore

HANSON: You argued with me too

IOKI: Yeah, but you weren't flirting with me

HANSON: I have a girlfriend

IOKI: Yeah, so, she has a boyfriend. Hasn't stopped her any.

HANSON: Shut up

_(HANSON exits)_

IOKI: Love you too, man. Platonically that is.

_DUPLEX. HANSON and LAMPTON'S "BEDROOM". LAMPTON is lying across the bed, still in her clothes from that evening. HANSON enters and chuckles. He lies down next to her._

HANSON: How are you doing?

LAMPTON: I just yelled at my best friend for nothing and yet I'm still pissed. How do you think I'm doing?

HANSON: A few non-kid friendly words come to mind

LAMPTON: I can't believe I lost it like I did

HANSON: You're upset. She knows that.

LAMPTON: I shouldn't have yelled

HANSON: No, you shouldn't have

LAMPTON: Not making me feel better, Tom

HANSON: Wasn't trying to, Priss. It's the truth. You shouldn't have lost it like you did. But you did, so get over it.

LAMPTON: I know

HANSON: And it certainly isn't gonna be the last time you yell at someone, Priss. You're tempestuous. It's what we like about you.

LAMPTON: Tempestuous. Nice word. Teaching an English class rubbing off on ya, Tom?

HANSON: A little _(HANSON brushes some stray hair out of LAMPTON'S FACE)_ Feeling better?

LAMPTON: Yeah. Thanks.

_(They have a moment. This time neither breaks it. HANSON moves his face closer to LAMPTON'S. IOKI enters. BOTH pull back)_

IOKI: Was I interrupting something?

HANSON: No!

LAMPTON: Just whispering about you, Ioks. Nothing to worry about.

IOKI: Captain is on the phone. Wants to know if you found anything of interest out about our two leading suspects?

HANSON: Nothing much, just laying the ground work

IOKI: Okay

_(EVERYONE goes silent. IOKI continues to stand in the doorway awkwardly. HANSON and LAMPTON wait for IOKI to leave)_

HANSON: That's it

LAMPTON: Nothing more to report

IOKI: Oh, ah, I'm just, yea, I'm just gonna go now

HANSON: Good

LAMPTON: All right then

_(IOKI exits. LAMPTON turns back to face HANSON, but the moment is gone now.)_

HANSON: So, how are you and Condor doing? Still dating?

LAMPTON: _(Pulls back away from HANSON even further)_ Yeah, me and Eli. We're good. Anything happening in Tom Hanson's love life?

HANSON: What do you mean?

LAMPTON: I mean, do you have a girlfriend? Penhall and Hoffs sent you on all those blind dates, any one of them pan out?

HANSON: Nah, none of the blind dates. But did you really have much hope?

LAMPTON: Not with those two. But, seriously, do you have a girlfriend?

_(IOKI enters, his eyes covered)_

IOKI: Penhall called

LAMPTON: Uncover your eyes. There's nothing scandalous happening and nothing scandalous will happen in this room until after we leave. Then it's up for grabs.

IOKI:_ (Uncovering his eyes)_ I thought I might be more prepared this time, just in case you continued that moment that I might have interrupted earlier

HANSON: Not going to even bother

LAMPTON: Penhall called?

IOKI: Oh, yeah, he's got Cole all situated at the Chapel with about twenty other cops, so Cole's gonna be safe, and he's gonna stay the night at Cole's house just in case someone makes good on the threat

HANSON: Makes sense

LAMPTON: Anything else?

IOKI: Why? Interrupting something?

LAMPTON: Shove it, Ioks. You're forgetting that I'm wide-awake and bored when you sleep.

IOKI: You're boyfriend called. Wanted to remind you about lunch. He'll pick you up at noon tomorrow, and something about needing patient hats despite the cuteness and that you'd understand

LAMPTON: I think he means his nieces and nephews are going to be there

HANSON: Nieces and nephews?

IOKI: Yeah, didn't your wife tell you? She's having lunch with the boyfriend's family

HANSON: Oh? That's serious

LAMPTON: No, it's not like that. That serious, I mean. I mean, I like him. I just don't think we're all that serious about each other yet. (Pause) I'm rambling, I'm sorry.

HANSON: It's better than yelling

_(LAMPTON rolls eyes at HANSON)_

IOKI: Wake up and smell the impending engagement, Priss. It's serious.

LAMPTON: I'm going to sleep now_ (LAMPTON gets off of the bed and grabs clothes to change into)_ Good night, Ioks _(walks into BATHROOM to change clothes)_

IOKI: Wonder how the future Mr. Priscilla Lampton would feel about you two being all flirty fake husband and wife when you don't have to be

HANSON: We're just friends, Harry. You're forgetting about Annie.

IOKI: No, I think you're forgetting about Annie

HANSON: Don't be surprised if you somehow manage to lose an eyebrow tomorrow while you sleep. Priss can be quite dangerous if you piss her off enough.

IOKI: If Whoopie Goldberg can rock it with no eyebrows, I can rock it with one. Besides, it's totally worth it.

HANSON: _(Rolls eyes)_ Good night, Harry

IOKI: Night, Romeo

_COLE'S HOUSE. PENHALL is laying on the couch where COLE was originally laying watching TV. He is well covered up, and the house is almost completely dark. The WINDOW behind HIM has been patched up, and OFFICERS GIBBS and CANNON are still stationed outside. The PHONE rings._

PENHALL: Hello?

FULLER: _(on phone)_ How's it going?

PENHALL: Nothing

FULLER: _(on phone) _Really?

PENHALL: Really, really

FULLER: _(on phone)_ All right, call me if anything happens

PENHALL: You got it

_DUPLEX. HOFFS' and FULLER'S SIDE. HOFFS' ROOM. HOFFS' wakes up slowly and climbs out of bed. SHE walks downstairs into the KITCHEN. FULLER is sitting talking on the PHONE. SHE opens the fridge and begins eating an apple. FULLER hangs up the phone._

HOFFS: Where's Penhall?

FULLER: Cole Matthews' house was vandalized last night and another threat was made against him. Penhall moved Cole to the Chapel, and Penhall stayed the night at the Matthews'

HOFFS: Oh _(pause)_ Cole's okay, right?

FULLER: Still annoyed at the world, but he is a teenager, so that's nothing new

HOFFS: Oh, well, we can't do anything about that

FULLER: No, we can't _(pause)_ are you okay?

HOFFS: Yeah, fine, Captain. Just slow to wake-up today, I guess._ (Pause)_ Hey, umm, did Priss stop by?

FULLER: Priss? No, did you need something from her?

HOFFS: No, I was just wondering

FULLER: Oh, okay.

_DUPLEX. LAMPTON is sitting at the kitchen table with HANSON eating breakfast. IOKI is sleeping on the couch nearby._

LAMPTON: What flower says I was a tremendous bitch last night to a wonderful friend and I do not deserve forgiveness but rather eternal damnation in the form of cleaning port-a-potties for the rest of my life?

HANSON: You might need some kind of mixed bouquet for all of that

LAMPTON: You think they make 'em that big?

HANSON: Hoffs will take you back

LAMPTON: Don't get me wrong, I'm still pissed. I just know that I shouldn't have taken it out on her, and I need to be the bigger person here. Eventually.

HANSON: You might not want to mention that part

LAMPTON: I figured

_(PENHALL and COLE enter)_

PENHALL: Special delivery

HANSON: Ever heard of knocking?

PENHALL: Wasn't sure if you'd let me in. Cole this is Officers Hanson and Lampton, but for the point of this investigation you will refer to them as Tom and Priss Henderson if anyone asks.

LAMPTON: It's nice to meet you, Cole.

HANSON: Somebody's trying to make a good impression

_(LAMPTON playfully elbows HANSON, but continues smiling throughout)_

COLE: Hey

PENHALL: He's pretty chatty once you get him going

COLE: Who's the guy passed out on the couch?

LAMPTON: Oh, Officer Ioki's our night watch guy, don't mind him.

PENHALL: All right, well, you two keep doing whatever it is that you're doing, and dear god don't let it be each other, and me and Cole have got to get to school

HANSON: Thanks, man

LAMPTON: Have fun

PENHALL: You too, on your lunch date

LAMPTON: Cute

PENHALL: Don't I know it

_(PENHALL and COLE go to exit)_

LAMPTON: Wait, Doug!

_(PENHALL stops)_

PENHALL: Yea?

LAMPTON: You talked to Judy?

PENHALL:_ (Seriously)_ Yeah, yeah, I did

LAMPTON: How is she?

PENHALL: You gotta take care of that yourself, Priss.

LAMPTON: I know.

PENHALL: You gonna?

LAMPTON: Not yet

PENHALL: Why not?

LAMPTON: Because we both know what I said was true. I just shouldn't have said it, that's all. Maybe I was a little too harsh with her.

HANSON: A little?

LAMPTON: You weren't even there!

HANSON: I got the play by play

PENHALL: And you can be a little hostile sometimes, Priss

LAMPTON: I so am not!

HANSON: Priss.

LAMPTON: Okay, I so am, but you shouldn't hold that against me. I'm tempestuous, remember, Tom?

PENHALL: Yea, Tom, remember?

HANSON: Don't you have to go to school?

COLE: _(Smiling)_ No, actually, we can stay here as long as this takes. I'm learning more here then I would ever learn at school.

PENHALL: Nice try, kiddo. Hubby Hanson makes a good point, we gotta go. It's my job to get you there safely and on time, and so far I have failed at the second part.

COLE: You're just doing your job. Nobody can blame you.

PENHALL: You see what I mean about the talking?

HANSON: Go

LAMPTON: See you tonight, Cole

HANSON: Bring your boxing gloves!

_(PENHALL and COLE exit)_

LAMPTON: You're boxing gloves?

HANSON: It's true, in this side of the duplex, you have to come ready to rumble.

LAMPTON: Sharks vs. Jets style?

HANSON: Cute

LAMPTON: I thought so. Now, you better go before you're late.

HANSON: _(Kisses her forehead)_ Good luck on your lunch meeting the parents date

LAMPTON: You mean lunch meeting the parents in a non-serious fashion casual date

HANSON: Sure

_HIGH SCHOOL. HOFFS walks inside the BUILDING. KYLE TUCKER meets her as she walks._

KYLE: Hey, did you hear about what happened at Cole's last night?

HOFFS: No, what?

KYLE: Somebody threw a brick in the window

HOFFS: No!

KYLE: Yeah, guess it had some kind of message on it, but my mom didn't say what

HOFFS: How'd your mom know

KYLE: The question really should be, why didn't my mom know for a whole two hours after it happened. I blame the homeowners association meeting last night.

HOFFS: Yeah, my dad was there forever

KYLE: You didn't have the joyous event at your house

HOFFS: Thank god for that. So, how did your mom find out?

KYLE: Somebody at the party told her about it. Said they saw all the commotion.

HOFFS: You mean, they saw someone throw the brick

KYLE: I guess so, I don't know

HOFFS: Who?

KYLE: Marcie and David Willis, I think. They were late, anyways. Could have just heard about it on the news, people around here tend to make things a bit more interesting than they actually are.

HOFFS: Weird

KYLE: Wait until you've attended a block party

_DUPLEX. CONDOR pulls up in front of the DUPLEX. LAMPTON enters from inside the HOUSE, she locks it behind her. She walks up to meet him, giving him a friendly hug._

LAMPTON:_ (During the hug)_ You're my brother, Eli Wilson, helping me pick out some new appliances for my house

CONDOR: You really think I'm gonna need that information?

LAMPTON: You haven't lived in this neighborhood

_(LAMPTON and CONDOR walk to the car)_

LAMPTON:_ (Loudly)_ So, I think we're gonna need a new microwave, ours isn't exactly working anymore.

CONDOR: You've had that thing since college, you really think it was gonna work?

LAMPTON: Thanks for doing this, bro. It's hard just having the one car and Tom needs it for work.

_(CONDOR and LAMPTON get into the CAR and drive off)_

_INSIDE CONDOR'S CAR._

LAMPTON: So, how far away is your parents' place?

CONDOR: Not far. Just about a ten-minute drive from here.

LAMPTON: Anything I should know?

CONDOR: Whatda mean?

LAMPTON: Like a deaf grandma? Political beliefs I should know about because they might come up in a joke? Mob connections? Anything?

CONDOR: Nothing like that

LAMPTON: So, your family is all just a bunch of axe murders, then.

CONDOR: _(Laughing) _Not quite. You nervous?

LAMPTON: Why, should I be?

CONDOR: Maybe, you never know. With the background in serial killing and all.

LAMPTON: Funny

_SCHOOL. PENHALL and COLE are sitting in FAYE MOSS' CLASSROOM. FAYE MOSS and HANSON are talking up front (HANSON holding a large pile of papers, while FAYE talks and hands him more folders/papers)_

PENHALL:_ (Chuckling)_ Would you look at him

COLE: Poor sap

PENHALL: I know!

COLE: So you guys got any leads?

PENHALL: We might. We have a few ideas, but nothing solid yet. We have to wait for all of the information to come in from all of the available resources, then investigate all the leads, and eventually come to a conclusion

COLE: And how long is that gonna take?

PENHALL: Depends on a lot of factors

COLE: So, basically, you don't know

PENHALL: Yeah, basically

COLE: You know what, Penhall, you're all right

PENHALL: And when you're not trying to be Mr. Cool, you're not half bad either, Cole

COLE: Whatda mean?

PENHALL: I say half bad because you are a teenager, making you disagreeable about half the time to my adult status

COLE: You pretend to be one

PENHALL: Yeah, pretend

COLE: You mean pretend to be an adult

PENHALL: So, any ideas about who might have tried to intimidate you last night, Cole?

COLE: You gave up fast

PENHALL: I'd get into it, but then you'd leave the conversation crying and we wouldn't want to see that. Especially since I'm supposed to be taking care of you and all.

COLE: _(Rolls eyes)_ There are a couple of people in the neighborhood who I know aren't my father's biggest fans. I could give you their names, but I'm sure they were all at the party last night

PENHALL: We know one couple arrived late and another was a no-show.

COLE: Well, Marcie and David Willis are leaders of their local Conservative Republican Chapter here, and Don and Carol Benkins are members, along with Steve and Hannah O'Brien

PENHALL: All right, good work

COLE: Does that mean that I don't have to go to school. You know, like a quick pro-quo

PENHALL: Nice try, but you already gave me the information

COLE: Crap, you're right

_CONDOR FAMILY HOME. SIMON and SARAH CONDOR (60s) are sitting at the head of the table, while MATTY (31) and RACHEL (30) CONDOR are sitting next to them with their children KYLE (8) and MARK (8), then LUKE (34) and GABBY (32) CONDOR and their children EMILY (10), MELISSA (7), and MICHAEL (4), then finally a pregnant EVIE (29) and BEN HEPBURN (31). CONDOR and LAMPTON enter._

CONDOR: Hey everyone!

SARAH: Eli!

_(CONDOR walks over and gives SARAH a kiss on the head)_

CONDOR: How ya doin', Ma?

SARAH: Oh, can't complain

SIMON: To you, that is

CONDOR: _(Giving SIMON a hug)_ Ah, hey Dad

EVIE: So, you gonna introduce us to your girlfriend or are we gonna have to make this moment embarrassing and awkward

CONDOR: Everyone this is my girlfriend Priss_ (Pause, pointing to the individual as he says his/her name)_ Priss, this is my mom and dad, Simon and Sarah, then next to them is my big brother Matty and his wife Rachel and their twin boys Kyle and Mark, good luck telling them apart

MATTY: Kyle's in the red, Mark's in the blue

EVIE: They have to dress them up, or else they can't even tell them apart

RACHEL: I can tell my kids apart

KYLE: Then why'd you call me Mark all yesterday, mom?

MARK: We switched clothes

LUKE: _(Giving MARK and KYLE high fives)_ All right, you guys finally took me up on one of my prank ideas! Rock on!

CONDOR: And moving on we've got my other big brother Luke, who is four years old at heart

LUKE: Thanks, man

CONDOR: And his lovely wife, who I don't know how she manages to put up with him, Gabby

GABBY:_ (Jokingly)_ Lots of medication

CONDOR: And their kids, Emily, Melissa, and Michael

MELISSA: It's my birthday tomorrow

LAMPTON: Really? How old are you gonna be, kiddo?

MELISSA: Seven

LAMPTON: Really? I've got a little girl who's seven too.

SARAH: _(Surprised)_ You have a daughter?

LAMPTON: Yep, my pride and joy. Eli didn't tell you about her?

SARAH: No, no, he didn't mention that

CONDOR: _(Quickly jumping in)_ And then the pregnant one in the corner looking angry is my big sister Evie and her husband Ben.

BEN: It's nice to meet you, Priss.

LAMPTON: It's great to finally meet all of you. I've heard a lot of stories, and please bear with me as I try to learn names, but know that I am terrible at them. I would forget my own, if it wasn't on my license.

SIMON:_ (Pulling out a chair for LAMPTON)_ Take a seat, stay awhile, guys

LAMPTON: Oh, thanks

_(LAMPTON and CONDOR sit down)_

EVIE: _(Motioning towards LAMPTON'S HAND, where she is still wearing the wedding ring)_ Woah, there, what's with the rock?

LAMPTON: What? _(Looks at hand)_ Oh, jeez, totally forgot about that! I'm undercover right now.

EVIE: As a jeweler?

LAMPTON: No, no, as a housewife, actually. I'd love to give you all details, but it's an on-going case. All I can tell you is that I'm the fake wife of my partner.

EVIE: Interesting. Is your partner at least good looking?

LAMPTON: He's my partner

EVIE: Yeah, so, that hasn't stopped the cops on Law and Order from hooking up before.

RACHEL: Have the Law and Order cops ever hooked-up?

EVIE: I don't know, I've never watched it religiously, but I just assume that they do. It is television after all. Hook-ups are basically a requirement for a good show.

MATTY: So, Priss tell us about yourself. This is a get to know-you lunch, after all.

CONDOR: More like an inquisition, Matty. Can't we just have a regular conversation instead of interrogating her?

MATTY: No

LAMPTON: It's fine, really. _(With slight amusement at the situation) _Well, hi, I'm Priss, short for Priscilla, which I know is a really odd name that you just don't hear every day, I'm twenty-three, and a cop

LUKE: Any siblings?

LAMPTON: I have a sister, named Vera. She'll be eighteen next month

CONDOR: You have a sister?

LAMPTON: Yeah, I didn't tell you that?

CONDOR: No_ (pause)_ Actually, you haven't told me anything about your family, save Emma and that roommate of yours, who Emma calls Aunt Phoebe. But I assume that she isn't actually Emma's aunt.

LAMPTON: Oh, well, I have a sister named Vera, my mom's name is Charlotte, and my dad is Richard. That's about it.

SARAH: Are you close with your family?

LAMPTON: _(Attempting to keep a smile, but with an obvious hint of sadness)_ No, we're not particularly close.

GABBY:_ (Sensing discomfort, changing subject) _So, you have a daughter Melissa's age?

LAMPTON: Yes, Emma. She's a sweetheart, really. Would you like to see a picture?

GABBY: I would love too!

LAMPTON: _(Pulls pictures out of wallet out of her purse, it the same picture that she has on her desk of her, HANSON, and LAMPTON)_ Here she is at her seventh birthday party

GABBY: Oh, she's a little cutie. Is that the father?

LAMPTON: No, no, that's Hanson, my partner

EVIE: Oh, you mean the fake husband? _(Looks at picture)_ Nice fake husband._ (Looks at BEN)_ I think I might want to trade up.

BEN: Hey

EVIE: What would you get a look at this guy?_ (Shows picture to BEN)_

BEN: Never mind I can't blame you, I wish you and Priss' partner slash fake husband all the best.

SIMON: So, Eli, why haven't you called home recently?

LUKE: Ooh, now it gets interesting!

EVIE: Yea, Eli. I call mom and dad at least once a week to update them on everything.

MATTY: Me too

LUKE: I never forget my parents. They did give us life.

EVIE: And there's no greater gift then the gift of life.

LAMPTON: So true. I tell Emma that every day.

CONDOR: Thanks, guys. You've managed to even turn my girlfriend against me.

BEN: _(Jokingly) _Dude, you're already screwed _(holds up picture of HANSON, LAMPTON, and EMMA) _Have you seen this guy?

_HIGH SCHOOL. FAYE MOSS' ENGLISH CLASS. PENHALL and COLE are sitting laughing at HANSON, who is copying notes onto the BLACKBOARD while FAYE MOSS sits in her desk drinking a diet coke. HOFFS and PENHALL share a quick amused grin, but don't say anything._

COLE: You think we should do something, Penhall?

PENHALL: Like attack his handwriting as illegible?

COLE: I like your thinking

PENHALL: There's so much I can teach you

COLE: I don't know, "Blowfish" filled me in pretty good last night. I particularly enjoyed the segment on the McQuaid brothers

PENHALL: Ah, me and my partner's specialty, smartass teenagers who think they're more badass then what they are.

_(FAYE MOSS coughs and looks at PENHALL)_

FAYE MOSS: Officer Penhall, I may not like the fact that my classroom now has a resident chatterbox cop, I am required by the administration to let you do your job, which I do not believe entails distracting my students by talking about how bad Mr. Henderson's handwriting is

_(HANSON's facial expression changes from amused to annoyed)_

FAYE MOSS: They do have to copy those notes, Tom, do you mind making it possible by taking the time to actually form your letters?

HANSON: Sorry, Ms. Moss, I'll rewrite the notes if the students have having troubles reading my handwriting.

FAYE MOSS: This is besides the point, Officer Penhall, to make a long story short, if you must speak, please do so properly and without cussing.

PENHALL: Sorry, Ms. Moss, I didn't realize I was disturbing other students.

FAYE MOSS: You do so again, and I'll ensure that there will be another officer in your position in here tomorrow

PENHALL: My lips are sealed, save for some kind of emergency

FAYE MOSS: Then why are you still talking?

PENHALL: It's a hard habit to break

FAYE MOSS: Officer Penhall

_(PENHALL stays silent, HOFFS and COLE can barely contain their laughter, and HANSON is busy rewriting all of the notes onto the BLACKBOARD.)_

FAYE MOSS: Good. It's always comforting to know that you can teach an old dog new tricks every once in awhile.

_(FAYE MOSS sits back in her seat, PENHALL goes to say something, but COLE stops him.)_

COLE: _(Whispering)_ Have you learned nothing? You don't piss off Faye Moss.

PENHALL: _(Whispering)_ I'm starting to see that

_LATER. LUNCHROOM at the HIGH SCHOOL. COLE and PENHALL are walking through the CAFETERIA picking up things for lunch, then walk to a TABLE and sit down._

PENHALL: So, Cole, besides Faye Moss, who is apparently pissed off at the world in general, is there anyone out there that you think might want to do you harm?

COLE: You mean besides the football team?

PENHALL: We're looking for suspects that are somehow connected with your father's politics _(pause)_ what did you do to the football team?

COLE: Wrote an exposés about their minor drug and hazing habit for the school paper. It suspended their season last year.

PENHALL: Are you suicidal?

COLE: Well protected. Sometimes it helps having daddy as a senator, did you see how quickly I got police protection?

PENHALL: Good point. But seeing as how that was last season, I doubt that the football team is sending threatening letters to your father about your wellbeing. Any others?

COLE: Well, just look around the neighborhood. Marcie and David Willis are the co-presidents of the local pro-life chapter. Phoebe and Alan Cates are both ministers who love to hand out their literature about the evils of abortion. And let's not forget the Beeches, who tried to protest my family moving into the neighborhood because of my father's more liberal politics.

PENHALL: And you didn't think to mention this before because?

COLE: Because I figured you already knew about this people. I mean you are cops, right? And cops are supposed to be smart.

PENHALL: Well, not all cops are created equally.

COLE: So what you're saying is

PENHALL: I'm not among them, nor anyone in my department, but there are, somewhere, in the various police departments throughout the United States, some dumb cops.

COLE: I knew it!

PENHALL: Just don't pull that on any cop that pulls you over. You will get a ticket that way. Before, you may have had a pretty solid chance at talking yourself out of that ticket.

C OLE: I'll keep that in mind

PENHALL: So Faye Moss is always like that?

COLE: It's like she's perpetually PMS-ing

PENHALL: God, that's like another plague. Worse than the whole first born idea, because let's face it, a perpetually PMS-ing woman does not discriminate between birth order. If you are a man, than you are the enemy.

COLE: Don't I know it

PENHALL: You're far too young to truly understand

COLE: I practically live alone half the year

PENHALL: Get a babysitter

COLE: Those are for kids

PENHALL: Of which you are

COLE: Oh, shut up.

_DUPLEX. FULLER and HOFFS' SIDE. LAMPTON and FULLER are sitting going over the case files again. They look exasperated, but continue going through the files over and over again._

FULLER: So even with the new information that Penhall gave us we have

LAMPTON: _(Finishing)_ Nothing

FULLER: Basically

LAMPTON: Fun

FULLER: And we need to produce results on this case

LAMPTON: Or face the challenge of new jobs

FULLER: Which I really don't want to do

LAMPTON: Back at ya

FULLER: So basically it could be various people throughout the neighborhood, along with about half of the population of the city

LAMPTON: Well we can narrow out at least two people, cause we know that neither you or I committed the crime

FULLER: Or Hoffs or Hanson

LAMPTON: Really Penhall's the only unaccounted one

FULLER: What about Ioki?

LAMPTON: Would require him leaving the house

FULLER: What's with Harry?

LAMPTON: I don't know

FULLER: Aren't you living in that house?

LAMPTON: But knowing what was wrong with Harry would require communication between the two parties

FULLER: Forget I asked

LAMPTON: So what should we do?

FULLER: More like who should we go with?

LAMPTON: I'd watch the Willis' tonight. I mean they are so far our best suspects, because they were late to the party.

FULLER: What about the other couples?

LAMPTON: I'll talk to Jackie, see if they came to the party or not. You remember talking to any of them?

FULLER: No, unfortunately

LAMPTON: Well, at least we're going somewhere, now

FULLER: Yeah, two whole inches

LAMPTON: Better than two inches backwards

_(A door can be heard opening in the background)_

HOFFS: _(In the background)_ Hello? I'm home!

LAMPTON: Ooh, I better get going.

FULLER: What's up? This was such a productive meeting

LAMPTON: My hubby will be home soon and I'd like to greet him with a fresh baked apple pie

FULLER: You and Hoffs in a fight?

LAMPTON: Why do men always think that when one woman is seemingly avoiding another woman they must be in a fight. I could really want to meet Hanson with a freshly baked apple pie. If I knew how to bake a freshly made apple pie.

FULLER: So you're in a fight

LAMPTON: Of course. Talk to you later, Captain.

_(LAMPTON exits off the back as HOFFS enters into the KITCHEN)_

HOFFS: Who were you talkin' you, Captain?

FULLER: Oh, just myself. Helps me think sometimes

HOFFS: And you change your voice to match Priss' because she's your muse?

FULLER: Why'd you ask me if you already knew?

HOFFS: I wanted to see what your response would be

FULLER: Just the second you think you're beginning to understand women, they throw something new in your face

HOFFS: We like to keep the male species on their toes

FULLER: Oh trust me, we're practically ballerinas already

HOFFS: Have you talked to Penhall today?

FULLER: Oh, yeah, he already told us about the lead. How'd he tell you?

HOFFS:_ (Stumbling looking for an answer)_ Oh, I, ah, overheard

FULLER: Yeah, well, we got the info, but nothing much is happening there. I'm having Penhall steak out the Willis' house tonight.

HOFFS: Priss' idea?

FULLER: Of course

HOFFS: Good. It's a good idea. We should follow it.

FULLER: I know. You mind telling Penhall?

HOFFS: If I see him, I'll be sure to get him the message. But I may not see him. I've got a lot of homework to do

FULLER: Since when do you do the homework you're assigned?

_(HOFFS exits)_

FULLER: Hoffs? _(Pause)_ Did I miss something? When did I enter a soap opera?

* * *

_End Part One.  
Part two up as soon as I finish it...which could take some time...again, please bare with me._

**_As always, Please Review._**


	14. 7: Family Matters part two, part 2

_LATER. PENHALL and "BLOWFISH" are sitting outside the WILLIS' HOUSE eating fast food and looking through binoculars at the quiet HOUSE._

"BLOWFISH": So, what exactly are we looking for?

PENHALL: Anything, everything

"BLOWFISH": So this is like a real steak out. Like in the movies and stuff! How we gonna do it?

PENHALL: Do what?

"BLOWFISH": Smoke them out. Isn't that what they do on steak outs? That's what they do on Dragnet.

PENHALL: This isn't Dragnet, Sal

"BLOWFISH": So, then, what are we doing?

PENHALL: Waiting

"BLOWFISH": To smoke them out!

PENHALL: No, just waiting

"BLOWFISH": For Guffman?

PENHALL: For something

"BLOWFISH": Oh, I feel so enlightened, Penhall

PENHALL: What? There's no steak out secret, you just wait for something suspicious to happen and then, if it's suspicious enough we arrest them, or we just report back and hope the behavior helps

"BLOWFISH": So we're just gonna sit here?

PENHALL: Yep

"BLOWFISH": Here? All night?

PENHALL: Basically

"BLOWFISH": Man, being a cop blows

PENHALL: Sal, you're not a cop

"BLOWFISH": Well I'm on a steak out, right?

PENHALL: Yea, but only because Ioki didn't want to come

"BLOWFISH": Yeah, what is with that guy? He hasn't left that duplex this entire investigation

PENHALL: He's not really supposed to. He's supposed to be running the night watch.

"BLOWFISH": Then he could leave during the day

PENHALL: That's when he sleeps

"BLOWFISH": Ioki doesn't need to sleep, Ioki's amazing. He's Zen. He's, he's

PENHALL: Ioki?

"BLOWFISH": Yeah

_(MARCIE WILLIS exits the HOUSE holding a large black trash bag. She looks around, then sneaks down the driveway and places the trash bag in the trash can)_

PENHALL: Oh, we got something, hand me those binoculars!

_("BLOWFISH" hands IOKI the binoculars. MARCIE looks over in their direction, PENHALL pushes himself and "BLOWFISH" down.)_

"BLOWFISH": What the

PENHALL: Shh!

_(MARCIE WILLIS turns back around and exits into the HOUSE. "BLOWFISH" goes to get out of the car, but PENHALL stops him.)_

"BLOWFISH": Are you getting fresh with me, Penhall?

PENHALL: What?

"BLOWFISH": Well you can't seem to keep your hands off of me

PENHALL: You were trying to go outside

"BLOWFISH": Yeah, so? Isn't that what we're supposed to do! Suspicious behavior, trash can on public property where a trash bag was deposited under the cover of darkness! I may be new to this, Penhall, but I'm pretty sure this is the point of the steak out where we leave the vehicle!

PENHALL: Wait

"BLOWFISH": For what?

_(The lights go off in the HOUSE)_

PENHALL: That

(PENHALL exits the CAR, "BLOWFISH" rolls his eyes and does the same)

"BLOWFISH": Sure, now we can go.

_LATER. PENHALL and "BLOWFISH" enter FULLER'S SIDE OF THE DUPLEX holding a large black trash bag. HANSON, LAMPTON, IOKI, COLE, FULLER, and HOFFS are all sitting around the dressed in pajamas and passing around a pitcher of coffee. There is obvious tension between HOFFS and LAMPTON, who are refusing to even make eye contact with one another_

HANSON: Now he comes! Took your time, didn't ya, Penhall?

PENHALL: Would have been here sooner if someone had written down the directions like I asked

"BLOWFISH": I knew where we were going

PENHALL: Then why did we get lost?

"BLOWFISH": Because all these cookie-cutter development houses all look the same at night!

FULLER: Guys, guys, what's the big break you were talking about and called us all over here for?

PENHALL: This _(holds up trash bag)_

HANSON: Am I dreaming or did Penhall bring us garbage? _(Looks at LAMPTON, who merely shrugs)_ I must be dreaming, Priss doesn't have a smartass comment.

HOFFS: Maybe that's for the best

LAMPTON: Maybe my comments can help people see their faults. And isn't that a good thing for everyone?

HOFFS: Not if the person didn't mean anything by what they said

LAMPTON: Then the person should have thought through their words

HOFFS: Maybe you just need to be less sensitive

LAMPTON: Me less sensitive! What about you!

PENHALL: Hello? Breaking evidence

COLE: _(to PENHALL)_ Is this how all Police meetings are handled?

PENHALL: For this group, mostly. Just minus the arguing. This is a new side of our group ADD.

HOFFS: I'm so not overly sensitive! You're a bitch!

LAMPTON: So it finally comes out! Bambi thinks I'm a bitch.

FULLER: Hey, hey! Do I need to put you two in separate corners or are we going to be mature and have a police meeting here?

LAMPTON: Sorry, Captain

HOFFS: We were just discussing how to best communicate with your fellow man. Something not everyone can manage.

_(LAMPTON goes to say something, but HANSON stops her by talking first)_

HANSON: What's in the bag, Penhall?

_(LAMTPON shoots him a look, but HANSON reaches his hand underneath the table and squeezes it gently with a short shake of his head. LAMPTON sighs, but stays quiet. No one else around the table notices the interaction between HANSON and LAMPTON.)_

PENHALL: _(Opening the bag)_ Sal and I managed to grab this little treasure out of the trashcan of Marcie and David Willis

COLE: I never liked them

IOKI: Yeah, but what is it?

"BLOWFISH": Oh, it's good

PENHALL: Really good

IOKI: Yes, but what is it?

_(PENHALL pulls out crumbled pieces of paper.)_

PENHALL: Evidence that Marcie and David Willis were sending some of the death threats towards Cole

COLE: Really? Dang, and I bought cookies from their daughter. A crap load too, I had the munchies. She probably was the top seller in her troop.

"BLOWFISH": Is it really appropriate for Cole to be in here while we're talking about the case?

HANSON: We need to protect him, first off, and you can't protect someone that you can't see, and second, we involve our janitor in cases, why not Cole?

"BLOWFISH": Hey, I'm a maintenance engineer

HANSON: Sorry, it's the middle of the night, it just slipped out

"BLOWFISH": I'll let it go. Just this once.

FULLER: Okay, guys, these letters are good, and they show intent, but it doesn't prove that they were the ones that threw the brick through the window.

HANSON: Priss and I can continue buddy up to them, see if we can join their group against Senator Matthews

FULLER: Good, good

HOFFS: And we can set up steak outs on other houses, including Cole's

FULLER: Done and done

COLE: Is there anything I can do?

FULLER: Listen to Penhall

COLE: All the time?

FULLER: Unfortunately

PENHALL: Hey!

HOFFS: It is true

HANSON: Ouch, man

"BLOWFISH": Low blow from the quasi-girlfriend

PENHALL and HOFFS: She's/I'm not my/his girlfriend

"BLOWFISH": I said quasi. Right? I said quasi?

HANSON: Quasi was said, therefore making Hoffs not actually your girlfriend, just kinda like your girlfriend

PENHALL: Well, she's not

HOFFS: We're both single. Completely single. Unattached.

LAMPTON: Whatever _(HANSON shoots her a look, she continues on with her sentence carefully, not wanting to offend)_ I think we've got everything covered, right, Captain?

FULLER: I think we've down all that we can for tonight

LAMPTON: All right, then , I'm going back to bed.

HOFFS: Wouldn't want you to miss any sleep. I would hate to see you cranky.

_(PENHALL shoots her a look, HOFFS mouths "what?")_

LAMPTON: Actually I think we should all go to bed. I wouldn't want some of us to miss their beauty sleep. Otherwise I think there may be some damaged retinas tomorrow.

_(HANSON nudges LAMPTON)_

LAMPTON: What! She got to say something!

HANSON: Say good night, Gracie

LAMPTON: Good night Gracie

_(HANSON and LAMPTON exit)_

IOKI: We should probably get back too, Cole

PENHALL: Yeah, you've got school tomorrow

COLE: Thanks, Dad

PENHALL: Welcome, sport

_(COLE and IOKI exit)_

FULLER: I think they have all the right idea. Good night, everyone. Hate to actually sound like a dad, but don't stay up too late.

PENHALL: Sure thing, Captain

_(FULLER exits)_

_(PENHALL and HOFFS stare at each other for a moment. HOFFS breaks the eye contact first.)_

PENHALL: Jude

HOFFS: What?

PENHALL: Should we talked about what happened?

HOFFS: What's there to talk about? Nothing happened, Doug.

PENHALL: But we wanted something to happen

HOFFS: Doug

PENHALL: We should talk about this.

HOFFS: About what?

PENHALL: Us, Jude! I mean, is it that much of a surprise? We've only been dancing around it since we first met!

HOFFS: I know

PENHALL: And I like you. You know I like you. It's just never been the right time, y'know? And now seems like as good as time as any to start something

HOFFS: Doug

PENHALL: I just want to know where you stand. You know where I stand. You've always known.

HOFFS: I need time

PENHALL: I figured as much

HOFFS: It's not that I don't like you, Doug, it's just, well, its just complicated. You're Penhall and I'm Hoffs. I don't know if that can translate successfully, and I would want it to be successful, because you're my friend.

PENHALL: I know

HOFFS: Okay. Just, give me time.

PENHALL: _(Sighs)_ Okay. Good night, Jude._ (Kisses the top of her head)_

HOFFS: Night, Doug

_(PENHALL exits. HOFFS continues to sit in the KITCHEN, thinking.)_

_AT THE SAME TIME. OTHER SIDE OF THE DUPLEX, HANSON and LAMPTON are climbing back into bed for the evening._

LAMPTON: All I have to say was she started it

HANSON: Are these the kind of morals you're teaching your daughter?

LAMPTON: Do as I say, not as I do

HANSON: Monkey see, monkey do

LAMPTON: Are you calling Emma a monkey?

HANSON: A very cute little monkey

LAMPTON: Just like her mother, right?

HANSON: Well

LAMPTON: _(Chuckles)_ Your impossible

HANSON: I'm impossible? You're the impossible one

LAMPTON: Whatever, I'm easy to get along with when you don't piss me off.

HANSON: Sure

LAMPTON: So how are we going to get Marcie and David to tell us about their little organization?

HANSON: Bring up politics?

LAMPTON: It's impolite to talk about religion and politics

HANSON: Since when have you been concerned about that?

LAMPTON: Good point. We'll bring it up. Maybe at our dinner we can have the TV on to the news, all the channels are still talking about Senator Matthews, and we can bring it up then

HANSON: If they don't first. I think these people are going to be chatty.

LAMPTON: Let's hope so

_THE NEXT DAY. TUCKER'S HOUSE. KYLE and HOFFS are sitting in KYLE'S ROOM talking and doing a project for school._

KYLE: Can you believe Ms. Moss is making us do this stupid project?

HOFFS: She's a masochist, of course I believe she's making us do this project

KYLE: Good point

HOFFS: I bet Cole gets to do it with his personal bodyguard

KYLE: You're probably right. You never know what could happen if Cole were to interact with someone from class. They could try to staple him to death.

HOFFS: Glue him to a piece of paper

KYLE: Not do their part of the project!

_(HOFFS and KYLE laugh)_

HOFFS: But, seriously, what's with that kid? I know he's being threatened and all, but isn't a Police escort in school a little over the top? It's not like it's any of the students that are out to get him

KYLE: Well, I wouldn't say that. I know that there are some people, myself included, that wouldn't mind seeing his Cole-ness run scared.

HOFFS: Really?

KYLE: Yeah. Don't believe the smiles and charm, the guy's the devil. A serious case of self-love gone insane. He makes most narcissists look charitable.

HOFFS: Wow, that's bad

KYLE: We used to be best friends in elementary school, back when his dad was just the mayor. But as soon as his dad became a senator, it was out with the old and in with the new. And apparently I didn't fit the new look.

HOFFS: What a jerk

KYLE: Yeah, well, I'm over it.

HOFFS: Do you think anyone in school threw the brick at Cole's house?

KYLE: I'd like to shake the hand of whoever did. Finally Cole is getting a taste of his own medicine.

HOFFS: So you think it was someone in school?

KYLE: I don't know. Why do you care so much?

HOFFS: I don't know. This whole drama thing is new to me. The biggest news at my school was when Becky Johnson and Zach Collins broke up at lunchtime because Zach thought Becky was cheating on him with his best friend Eric, which turned out to be completely untrue, so they got back together the next day. Also at lunch.

KYLE: _(Sarcastically)_ Wow. Intense.

HOFFS: Don't I know it

_LATER. HANSON, LAMPTON, and IOKI'S side of the DUPLEX. LAMPTON and HANSON are sitting with MARCIE and DAVID WILLIS in the KITCHEN eating dinner and talking. In the corner, there is a small, hidden camera, which is relaying the feed to the other side of the duplex, where FULLER, HOFFS, IOKI, COLE, and PENHALL are watching the feed._

MARCIE: So, Priss, you cooked this? It's fantastic! We never eat like this at home. Neither David or myself are cooks.

DAVID: We burn hamburger helper. Who does that?

_(CUT TO OTHER SIDE OF THE DUPLEX. Where IOKI, HOFFS, and FULLER are crowded around a small TV watching the live feed while eating popcorn.)_

IOKI: Priss does that _(HOFFS hits him)_ What? You two are in a fight.

FULLER: Wouldn't bring that up, Harry. Already made that mistake

HOFFS: Let's just watch the feed, guys, okay?

FULLER and IOKI: Yes, m'am

PENHALL: Ha, ha, you got in trouble

HOFFS: Doug

PENHALL: Sorry, Judy.

_(CUT TO OTHER SIDE OF THE DUPLEX WITH HANSON, LAMPTON, and WILLIS')_

LAMPTON: Oh, me and Tom made this together.

HANSON: And anyone can be a cook. With the proper fire protection and a lot of luck.

LAMPTON: Thanks, babe

HANSON: Anytime, sweetie

MARCIE: Oh, you two are so cute, always using those little pet names for each other.

DAVID: _(Sarcastically)_ Yeah, gosh darn adorable._ (to HANSON)_ Bet you can't wait for the end f the honeymoon phase, huh?

HANSON: Yeah, no. I'm enjoying the perks

LAMPTON: Tom!

HANSON: Hey, they're another married couple, babe. I think the jig is up on what happens in the bedroom.

LAMPTON: So, how 'bout them Yankees?

MARCIE: Good subject change, Priss

LAMPTON: It felt needed

DAVID: We'll finish this conversation later, right, man? Without the wives?

HANSON: Of course

_(CUT TO FULLER, IOKI, and HOFFS)_

HOFFS: Awkward

FULLER: It's just talk

IOKI: That's what you think

FULLER: What do you mean, Harry? There isn't any hanky-panky going on in that side of the duplex on the job is there?

IOKI: Hanky-panky?

FULLER: Just answer the question

IOKI: Not that I've seen, but always implied

HOFFS: Let's focus here, people

FULLER: What about Condor?

COLE: Who's Condor?

PENHALL: The boyfriend

IOKI: I'm not a girl, but I'd take Hanson over Condor any day

PENHALL: Sure, they're both attractive, though. It all depends on Lampton's taste. Hoffs, what would you say (pause) Oh, wait fight, would the roommate know?

IOKI: Is the roommate still talking to you?

PENHALL: Good point

FULLER: So, is Lampton with Condor or what?

PENHALL: Forget about Condor, Hanson's got himself a new little girlfriend himself.

HOFFS: What?

PENHALL: Yea, met her when one of the blind dates stood him up

COLE: This is better than cable

FULLER: _(Motioning to feed)_ Oh, we've got a flyer!

_(CUT TO LAMPTON, HANSON, MARCIE, and DAVID)_

DAVID: So, are you two political at all?

LAMPTON: About the right issues, I would say

MARICE: Well, we don't mean to push anything on you. And no hard feelings if you disagree with our standpoint, I would never let it affect our friendship

HANSON: What is your standpoint?

_(DAVID hands HANSON the flyer)_

LAMPTON: What is it, babe?

HANSON: It's about Senator Matthews

MARICE: Terrible new legislation push, wouldn't you say?

LAMPTON: I can't believe people actually support him

DAVID: That's good to hear

MARICE: Would you be interested in joining our group?

_(HANSON and LAMPTON exchange looks)_

HANSON: Tell us more

_(CUT TO IOKI, FULLER, PENHALL, HOFFS, and COLE)_

PENHALL: All right, Ioks. We better head out to start our surveillance. I think the Hanson and Lampton show is winding down

IOKI: That's what you think

PENHALL: Cole, I want you staying here with Captain Fuller and Officer Hoffs tonight, all right?

COLE: Yeah, sure, whatever. _(to HOFFS)_ I just can't get over the fact that you're a cop, Ju—I mean Officer Hoffs.

HOFFS: It's okay, Cole. You can still call me Judy. In fact, I think it might be better if you did. That way you won't have to worry about slipping up in school.

COLE: I know, but dang! You should like get an award or somethin'. I mean, I really thought you were my age.

HOFFS: It's my job to make you think that, Cole

PENHALL: Stop bugging Judy, Cole

HOFFS: He's not bugging me

PENHALL: So that vein popping out of your forehead is just your natural look, then?

HOFFS: Shut up, Penhall

PENHALL: _(Playfully)_ Ouch! Fightin' words!

FULLER: Penhall are you and Ioki going to do work anytime soon or should I find two other officers?

IOKI: We're on it, Captain.

PENHALL: Sorry, Captain

FULLER: Go

PENHALL: On it!

_(PENHALL and IOKI exit)_

COLE: So, what do we do now?

FULLER: You're going to go and do your homework, Cole. Officer Hoffs and I are going to continue to watch the feed.

COLE: You guys are no fun

FULLER: Why? Did Hanson and Lampton let you jump off the walls at their place?

COLE: No! They did the same thing! God, you think that getting threatened, staying with cops, and otherwise being the central focus of a police investigation would get me something fun to do for a couple of days! But no!

HOFFS: Good night, Cole

_(COLE exits to upstairs)_

FULLER: How are things going at the school, anyways?

HOFFS: Cole isn't exactly well-liked, but I don't think the kids would be going this far

FULLER: You think?

HOFFS: _(Pauses and thinks about her answer)_ Yeah

_LATER. IOKI and PENHALL are sitting outside COLE'S HOUSE in PENHALL'S CAR. OFFICER GIBBS and CANNON can be seen directly in front of the HOUSE in their marked POLICE CAR. IOKI and PENHALL are eating fast food and looking around through binoculars._

PENHALL: So, Ioks, you seem a whole lot more chipper recently

IOKI: Whatda mean?

PENHALL: Nothin', man. Just noticed that you seemed to be a little irritable recently, I'm just glad to see you're back, y'know.

IOKI: No I don't know. I've been acting the same way the entire time.

PENHALL: Look, Ioks, I didn't mean anything by it. You just seem to be in a better mood. Maybe I'm just going crazy or somethin'

IOKI: Well, I've been acting the same, Penhall. Nothing's happened.

PENHALL: Whatever you say, Ioks.

_SAME TIME. TUCKER HOUSE. HOFFS and KYLE are watching TV in the TUCKER'S LIVING ROOM._

KYLE: So you and your dad got into a fight?

HOFFS: Yeah, he thinks I'm spending too much time on the phone with my boyfriend and not enough time getting adjusted or whatever

KYLE: That sucks

HOFFS: I know. He won't get off my case about it either. I am meeting new people! I mean, I'm sitting here on your couch, aren't I?

KYLE: Damn straight, and it's not like you're meeting bad kids either. I mean, you could be sitting on Cole Matthew's couch right now. Although, I don't think you'd be sitting. And I don't think you'd still have your boyfriend afterwards.

HOFFS: _(Chuckling) _You really don't like Cole, do you?

KYLE: Do you?

HOFFS: I haven't made up my mind about him yet. I mean, it must be hard to be a Senator's son, especially right now

KYLE: Oh yeah, must be terrible living in that big house with all of that hired help. Real hardship. Must cry himself to sleep every night.

HOFFS: Well, I've just always believed that you should give people the benefit of the doubt.

KYLE: Well he kinda took all the doubt away when he dumped us for his new exclusive friends.

HOFFS: Well people sometimes say or do things that they don't mean. They're only reacting to the situation, y'know. _(Pauses in thought, realizing the connection to her own life) _but sometimes their reaction is uncalled for and that can kill a friendship too

KYLE: _(Confused)_ You okay?

HOFFS: Yeah, whatda mean?

KYLE: It just felt like you weren't talking about me there for a second

HOFFS: It's always about you, Kyle

KYLE: Well I know that, I just wanted to make sure that you knew that.

HOFFS: You don't have to worry about a thing

_SAME TIME. HANSON and LAMPTON'S SIDE OF THE DUPLEX. HANSON, LAMPTON, MARCIE, and DAVID are sitting around the KITCHEN TABLE looking through pamphlets and talking._

LAMPTON: So you two feel really strongly about Senator Matthew's new position?

MARCIE WILLIS: Extremely

HANSON: I hate to ask, but how far are you willing to go?

DAVID WILLIS: As far as we need too. He supposed to be representing us in the senate, but almost all of the people in the area are pro-life

LAMPTON: Wow, I can't believe he would do something like that

MARCIE WILLIS: We need to let him know how we feel. He's our senator. No matter how he feels, or what's in vogue to feel about issues like this, he has to remember that he's not there for himself. He's there to look out for our best interests

DAVID WILLIS: So we'll do whatever it takes for him to understand what exactly a statement like that means to us

LAMPTON: Whatever it takes?

DAVID WILLIS: Whatever

HANSON: Was it you that threw that brick through Cole's window?

_SAME TIME. TUCKER HOUSE. HOFFS and KYLE are still sitting and watching TV. An advertisement for the local news program comes on, mentioning the SENATOR MATTHEWS SCANDAL and the recent attacks on COLE._

KYLE: Scandal? Seriously? Somebody threw a brick through his window! If somebody threw a brick in my window there wouldn't be a whole news story about it! Jesus!

HOFFS: Well he was just a minor note, his dad is the focus of the news story I think

KYLE: Seriously, are you defending him?

HOFFS: No, it's just—

KYLE: It was just a brick! I mean sure it had that message on it, but it wasn't like it was serious or anything!

HOFFS: Message?

KYLE: Yeah, y'know, the 'next time I won't miss' message!

HOFFS: Kyle

KYLE: What?

HOFFS: How did you know that the brick had a message on it?

_(KYLE pauses and realizes what he has done)_

KYLE: Why do you care so much, Judy? What are you some kind of cop?

_(HOFFS pauses and pulls out her badge)_

HOFFS: My name is Officer Judy Hoffs, I'm an undercover cop assigned to protect Cole Matthews

KYLE: No

HOFFS: I'm sorry, Kyle

KYLE: No

HOFFS: I'm going to have to take you in

_(HOFFS stands up and removes hand cuffs. JACKIE TUCKER walks in.)_

JACKIE TUCKER: Why, Judy, I didn't know you were here! How's your _(notices handcuffs)_ what's going on here?

HOFFS: M'am, I'm Officer Judy Hoffs _(flashing her badge)._ Your son was the one that threw the brick through Cole Matthew's window, so I'm going to have to take him to the Police Station with me for questioning.

JACKIE TUCKER: _(In disbelief) _What?

_OUTSIDE MATTHEW'S HOUSE. PENHALL and IOKI are still watching the HOUSE. A GROUP sneaks up near to the HOUSE, but notices the cop car and begins to waver._

PENHALL: _(On walkie-talkie)_ Gibbs and Cannon, I need you guys to scoot out of here for a minute. Run the lights, pretend there's an emergency.

GIBBS: _(Over walkie-talkie)_ You serious, Penhall?

PENHALL: _(On walkie-talkie) _Dead. Just take off for about five minutes or so, then come back. We'll need your help.

GIBBS:_ (Over walkie-talkie)_ Whatever you say, boss

_(GIBBS and CANNON'S car pretends to get a call and takes off, lights and sirens blaring down the road. THE GROUP sneaks their way over to the HOUSE and begin to destroy it—spray painting, breaking windows, toilet papering, etc. PENHALL and IOKI sneak out of the car and approach the GROUP. It's KYLE'S friends AUDREY, NATALIE, and CHARLIE.)_

PENHALL: Freeze! Police!

_(AUDREY, NATALIE, and CHARLIE stop what they're doing. CHARLIE looks to run, but then GIBBS and CANNON'S CAR reappears siren and lights blaring)_

IOKI: Well this night certainly got a lot more interesting

PENHALL: To say the least

_SAME TIME. HANSON and LAMPTON'S SIDE OF THE DUPLEX. MARCIE and DAVID WILLIS are sitting across from LAMPTON and HANSON at the KITCHEN TABLE._

MARCIE: No!

DAVID: Cole's not involved with his father's politics! Besides, we're trying to save children, not kill them. We'd be hypocrites if we did.

HANSON: Just wanted to know how far you meant

MARCIE: People always think we mean more then what we do. We've had to throw out certain group members for wanting to do more. You wouldn't believe the kinds of threat letters they'd bring with them to our meetings!

LAMPTON: Good. You had me worried there for a minute, Marcie.

_JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. The CHAPEL is busy with activity, including "BLOWFISH" cleaning and CHIEF JOEY LOGAN sitting going through piles of paper work. HOFFS, KYLE, and JACKIE TUCKER enter._

HOFFS: Sal, is Fuller on his way?

"BLOWFISH": Yeah, with Penhall and Ioki in tail. Apparently there was some action at Cole's house tonight.

HOFFS: Really? Anything serious?

"BLOWFISH": I don't think so. Probably just some kids pulling a prank, but they have to be sure, y'know?

HOFFS: What about Lampton and Hanson? How'd things turn out for them?

"BLOWFISH": Not well. The Willis' have been cleared. Their little group hasn't, however. They're working on getting names.

HOFFS: All right, Mrs. Tucker, Kyle, I'm going to need you two to follow me. I'm going to need to take your statement, Kyle

JACKIE TUCKER: Oh my god. My son's a felon. They're gonna lock him up. Then he'll never get into college.

HOFFS: Mrs. Tucker, I'm sure you will have nothing to worry about. We just have to take a statement for purely administrative reasons. If Cole Matthews chooses to press charges, which I doubt that he will, your son will most likely receive probation and community service. I'm sure he'll be able to still attend college.

KYLE: I liked you better when you were trying to be a teenager

_(PENHALL, IOKI, FULLER, AUDREY, NATALIE, and CHARLIE enter.)_

JACKIE TUCKER: Oh my god, you're involved too! Of course you would be, Adam, if that's even your real name. I mean Judy's not actually your daughter, or a teenager for that matter, so of course you're a cop too! Who else is a cop? And why are all of my son's friends here! Oh my god, oh my god.

FULLER:_ (to PENHALL and IOKI)_ Guys, take the Three Amigos to interrogation one, Hoffs take Kyle to interrogation two. _(to JACKIE TUCKER)_ Jackie, I'm going to need you to calm down.

_(IOKI and PENHALL take AUDREY, NATALIE, and CHARLIE with them to INTERROGATION, and HOFFS follows with KYLE)_

JACKIE TUCKER: Why should I calm down! My son's in a police station! And he's not on a tour!

FULLER: Jackie, my name's Adam Fuller. Your son's not in a lot of trouble, all right? We just need you to calm down for right now while we work all of this out.

_(JOEY LOGAN approaches)_

JOEY LOGAN: How's the case going, Adam?

FULLER: It's looking like just a case of a couple of teens playing pranks on each other

JOEY LOGAN: And the other matter?

FULLER: I still need a little bit more time

JOEY LOGAN: You're almost out of time, Adam

JACKIE TUCKER: I don't mean to be a pest

FULLER: Mrs. Tucker, have you met our Chief of Police, Joey Logan?

JACKIE TUCKER: No, no, I don't believe I have, but

FULLER: I'm sure Chief Logan would be glad to put some of your concerns to rest, wouldn't you, Chief Logan?

JOEY LOGAN: This isn't over, Adam

FULLER: I just need a little more time, Chief. I've got it narrowed to two officers.

JACKIE TUCKER: Chief?

JOEY LOGAN: Follow me this way, Mrs. Tucker, I'll be glad to answer any questions you still have. I believe Captain Fuller is needed elsewhere.

_(JOEY LOGAN and JACKIE TUCKER walk off to FULLER'S OFFICE. FULLER looks at HANSON and LAMPTON'S desks, the decision on his mind.)_

_(LAMPTON, HANSON, and COLE enter)_

HANSON: Hey, Captain, we got here as soon as we could

LAMPTON: Need any help?

FULLER: What did you say to the Willis'?

HANSON: Family emergency, had "Blowfish" fake a call

FULLER: Did you get names?

LAMPTON: Yeah, we were going to run background checks on them as soon as we could find someone else to watch over Cole

COLE: Really, I'm okay

FULLER: It's our job to protect you, Cole

"BLOWFISH": If you need someone to look after the kid, I'm not doing anything right now, I could hang out with the kid. You like poker, Cole?

COLE: Hell yeah

"BLOWFISH": Awesome

_(COLE and "BLOWFISH" begin to walk away)_

FULLER: Sal

"BLOWFISH": Yeah, Captain?

FULLER: Don't play for money

"BLOWFISH": I would never, Captain

FULLER: Sal

"BLOWFISH": Fine!

_("BLOWFISH" and COLE walk over to the conference table and begin playing poker. Other PEOPLE slowly begin to join them. FULLER looks at HANSON and LAMPTON expectantly.)_

HANSON: Yea, Captain?

FULLER: Go

LAMPTON: Where?

HANSON: Background checks, go, go, go

_(HANSON and LAMPTON exit)_

_(FULLER sighs and looks back at HANSON and LAMPTON'S desks.)_

_(HOFFS enters)_

HOFFS: Captain, I really don't think that Kyle is a security risk

FULLER: I know, Hoffs, but he did commit a crime

HOFFS: I know, Fuller, but isn't there something we can do, y'know, make sure the courts go easier on him. He's never done anything like this before, this was all some stupid teenage thing. You see, Cole and him used to be best friends

FULLER: _(Cutting HOFFS off) _Hoffs, Hoffs, I don't care. All you can do is write a recommendation to the courts to go lenient, I'm sure they'll listen if it's his first offense.

HOFFS: You okay, Captain?

FULLER: _(With a hint of annoyance)_ I'm fine Hoffs, now go tell Jackie Tucker what's going on before she kills the Chief of Police

HOFFS: Okay, Captain

_(IOKI and PENHALL enter)_

PENHALL: Captain?

FULLER: Write a letter! That's all you can do!

PENHALL: Got it

_(PENHALL and IOKI walk away)_

IOKI: You mind taking care of this, Penhall? I've got to make some phone calls.

PENHALL: Sure thing, Ioks.

_(IOKI exits as PENHALL walks over to the coffee machine)_

PENHALL:_ (to coffee machine)_ Hello gorgeous

_(HOFFS re-enters with JACKIE TUCKER in tow. PENHALL watches her as she helps escort JACKIE TUCKER to INTERROGATION to talk with KYLE.)_

_(HANSON and LAMPTON enter)_

HANSON: Captain

FULLER: What is it now?

LAMPTON: We got a couple of red flags on some of the neighbors

FULLER: Which ones and how red?

HANSON: Extremely red

LAMPTON: Red enough to really piss off a bull

HANSON: Most of them just deal with simple protest arrests, y'know the ones where the group tried to bomb abortion clinics and whatnot

LAMPTON: But Jack and Danielle Krank have had a long history with the police department when it comes to overstepping your first amendment rights

FULLER: Set up surveillance on their house and on any other individuals you think might be involved

HANSON: I'll drive

_(HANSON and LAMPTON begin to leave)_

LAMPTON: We'll get Penhall and Hoffs to cover the Jones and Ioki and Sal can take the Stevensons. I want the big fish.

FULLER: No

_(HANSON and LAMPTON stop suddenly and turn to face FULLER. PENHALL, IOKI, and HOFFS begin listening in, fearing that either LAMPTON or HANSON might be fired.)_

HANSON: No, what, Captain?

FULLER: I want fresh officers on this. You all have been on the case too long. Go home.

LAMPTON: We've got this, Fuller. Don't worry about it.

FULLER: You don't have to worry about your jobs. Just go home. You haven't stopped working in over a week. I think it's time we let somebody else handle this case.

LAMPTON: But what about _(motions to JOEY LOGAN) _He's not going to like this at all.

FULLER; I'll take care of everything. Just go home._ (to HOFFS, IOKI, and PENHALL)_ That goes for all of you. You've all done your jobs ten times over. Go home.

HANSON: All right, Captain. I'll see you tomorrow.

_(HANSON exits)_

HOFFS: Night, Captain

_(HOFFS walks towards the exit)_

HOFFS: _(to PENHALL)_ Wanna get a bite to eat?

PENHALL: _(Smiling)_ I'd love to. Night, Captain.

_(PENHALL exits with HOFFS)_

IOKI: See you tomorrow, Captain

_(IOKI exits)_

FULLER: You can leave, Priss. I'm sure Emma would love to see you.

LAMPTON: _(Smiling)_ Thank-you, Captain. I know you're going to catch a lot of crap for this, Chief Logan really wants us to finish the job. He's going to try and use this against us (pause) but I know you won't let him. Thank-you.

FULLER: It's the job

LAMPTON: If it was just the job, you would have fired one of us by now. And I think we both know who's first on the chopping block. I mean, I've known this entire time. Why else do you think I would snap at my best friend for no real good reason? _(Chuckles softly to herself) _Not that I'll be admitting that to Hoffs anytime soon, but I think I can trust you with that little piece of information.

_(LAMPTON gives FULLER a hug. FULLER seems surprised as first, but then gives in, reciprocating the hug.)_

FULLER: I'm gonna fight this, Lampton.

LAMPTON: I know

_(FULLER and LAMPTON release from the hug)_

FULLER: I'm going to find a way to make sure everyone stays

LAMPTON: Not everything works out the way we want it to, Captain, I've learned that much. But it always works our for the best, y'know? Good night, Captain.

_(LAMPTON exits)_

_(FULLER stands alone for a moment, looking from desk to desk. He finally settles on a picture of himself, HOFFS, PENHALL, IOKI, HANSON, and LAMPTON sitting on LAMPTON'S desk. With a new determination, he walks into his office, where JOEY LOGAN is sitting behind his desk.)_

JOEY LOGAN: Adam

FULLER: No, my turn to talk, your turn to listen, Joey. You are not splitting up my team. Each and every officer on my staff is replaceable and I challenge you to find a closer-knit group of colleagues anywhere in this department. Hell, in this entire city! Now I know the budget is out of whack, and I know you think this program is worthless, but let me tell you something, I don't think it's worthless, my officers don't think it's worthless, and every time drugs or guns get taken out of school, those parents of those students sure as hell don't think it's worthless! So just think for a second about what you're trying to throw away here. Because without each and every single officer here, we could not do the job that we do! I mean these kids have been on the job nonstop for over a week and didn't even think twice about going out again tonight to take on another part of the case! Christ, Joey, these people have got lives, boyfriends, girlfriends, families, even! And you want to throw that away? That kind of commitment? That kind of dedication? You'll never find that anywhere else, under any other kind of leadership, in any other kind of environment. So, screw you if you still want to take my team apart.

_(FULLER exits before JOEY LOGAN can respond)_

_END CREDITS._

* * *

**_Please Review._**


	15. 8: Accidental Lies, part 1

**21 JUMPSTREET**

_**Accidental Lies**_

_AIRPORT. PENHALL and COLE MATTHEWS stand together at the gate. COLE is holding a small bag and his plane ticket. _

COLE: Thanks for taking me to the airport, Penhall

PENHALL: Well, I'm still your police escort until you leave the city, aren't I?

COLE: I thought another department took over the case

PENHALL: You think we'd go quietly?

COLE: I don't think you guys have been quiet a day in your life

PENHALL: I think you're right. _(Smiles) _Take care of yourself, Cole.

COLE: You too, Penhall

_(COLE turns to leave, but pauses and turns back to PENHALL.)_

COLE: Thanks again, Penhall. For everything.

PENHALL: No problem, Cole

_(COLE nods and stands looking a PENHALL a second longer, giving a small grin. After a moment, he turns back, _

_gives his ticket to the TICKET TAKER, and walks to the plane, turning again to give PENHALL a quick wave. PENHALL returns the wave with a smile.)_

_OPENING CREDITS._

_HANSON'S APARTMENT. HANSON and ANNIE are sitting eating breakfast and reading the newspaper on a lazy, sunny Saturday morning. Both are still dressed in their pajamas, and continue to exchange flirtatious looks and play footsie underneath the table. _

ANNIE: So, how does it feel to be divorced of your imaginary fake wife, the late Mrs. Henderson

HANSON: Well, it makes this relationship feel a whole lot less scandalous

ANNIE: _(Flirtatiously) _Well, we can fix that

HANSON: _(Raising his eye brow, and lowering his paper) _Really now?

ANNIE: _(Getting closer to HANSON) _Really, really

HANSON: But what if my imaginary fake wife finds out? _(Kisses ANNIE briefly, but repetitively)_

ANNIE: Well, that's just the risk you take when you take on a fake mistress

HANSON: It's totally worth it _(Kisses ANNIE much more passionately)_

_(HANSON'S phone rings. HANSON pulls away from ANNIE, who isn't pleased)_

ANNIE: It's Saturday. Don't answer it.

HANSON: It's the job, Ann

_(ANNIE sits back, pulling completely away from HANSON)_

ANNIE: Whatever

_(HANSON answers the phone)_

HANSON: Hanson _(pause) _I'll be right there, Captain. _(Hangs up the phone)_ Annie

ANNIE: You have to go, don't you?

HANSON: It's an emergency, Ann

ANNIE: I thought you worked with teenagers. It's not a school day. What kind of emergency can you have? Run out

of chips? Prom tickets sell out?

HANSON: Sometimes a little overtime is needed, Ann. Look, I know we planned on spending the whole day together, but I'm gonna have to rain check, okay? _(ANNIE doesn't respond) _Please say it's okay, Annie.

ANNIE: It's really a rain check? As in we'll be trying for a weekend together next week?

HANSON: I'll unplug my phones

ANNIE: Promise

HANSON: Cross my heart

_(HANSON kisses ANNIE)_

_JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. LAMPTON, EMMA, HOFFS, PENHALL, IOKI, and FULLER are all sitting around the conference table. EMMA sits on LAMPTON'S lap coloring a picture. PENHALL and HOFFS sit together, trading flirtatious looks secretly. There is still a tension between HOFFS and LAMPTON, who barely even make eye contact. IOKI sits off by himself, obviously thinking about something else. FULLER sits at the head of the table, looking through a file folder. HANSON enters._

HANSON: Sorry I'm late

FULLER: Not a problem, Hanson, I just got here myself. Take a seat.

EMMA: Sit next to us, Tom!

LAMPTON: Yeah, Tom, sit next to us!

HANSON: Who can resist an invitation like that?

_(HANSON sits next to LAMPTON and EMMA)_

HANSON: Ooh, is that a picture of everyone, Emma?

EMMA: Ah-huh, there's you, mom, Doug, Judy, Harry, Mr. Fuller

FULLER: You can call me Adam, Emma

EMMA: Mom says I should call you Mr. Fuller cause you're her boss, and she doesn't want to give you any more reason to fire her

LAMPTON: Isn't she darling?

HANSON: Who are those people, Em?

EMMA: Oh, that's my Aunt Phoebe, although she's not actually my aunt, and that's my mom's other friend, Eli. He's a cop too, do you know him?

HANSON: I do, actually. He and your mom are very good friends

_(LAMPTON shoots HANSON a look to stop talking)_

EMMA: Like you and my mom are really good friends?

HANSON: Kinda, expect they don't solve cases together too often

EMMA: Oh

FULLER: _(Cutting in) _Well, since we're all here, we should get started with this meeting. _(FULLER looks at the folder, then to EMMA) _You know what, Emma, I've got a super comfy chair in my office

EMMA: Really?

LAMPTON: So comfy I've contemplated stealing it. But then I realized that I'd have to arrest myself, and that'd be pretty silly.

FULLER: How about you go and sit in there for a little while?

EMMA: You want me to leave the room cause you're about to talk about something I shouldn't know about, right?

FULLER: Ahh

EMMA: It's no problem, I'll go and shut the door. Should I do earmuffs too?

LAMPTON: I don't think that'll be necessary, kiddo. Take your coloring book, and I'll try and be quick.

EMMA: Okay, then we'll go to the zoo?

LAMPTON: Of course

EMMA: Can Judy come too?

_(LAMPTON and HOFFS exchange awkward looks)_

LAMPTON: Ahh, well

HOFFS: I would love to go, Emma, but I already promised Doug that I'd help him set up his cable. The man's

clueless when it comes to technology

PENHALL: I wouldn't say clueless _(HOFFS nudges him) _Actually, that was a lie. I have no idea what's going on when it comes to technology. I'm the blonde of technology. Seriously, I should just sit in a corner with the dunce cap on kind of bad

EMMA: Oh-okay, maybe next time

HOFFS: Maybe

EMMA: Bye!

_(EMMA exits to FULLER'S office, shutting the door behind her)_

LAMPTON: Whatda expect, Captain, she's my daughter

FULLER: Somehow I'm not surprised

HANSON: So what's the emergency, Captain?

FULLER: Claire Byones, a freshman at Edwards College, was found around midnight last night. She had been attacked somewhere else and killed, then dumped in a parking garage on campus. The campus is releasing the story to the press on Monday, so expect a lot of coverage. And if you could, guys, avoid the cameras as much as possible.

HANSON: What's the plan of attack, Captain? Do you want all of us?

FULLER: Hanson, Penhall, and Hoffs, I want you three all in the dorms. Hoff's you'll be moving in with Clarie Byones' old roommate, Darcie Wilaker, and Hanson and Penhall you'll be living in the same dorm, rooming together obviously. It's looking like this was someone Claire knew, she didn't have any defensive wounds on her.

PENHALL: We'll keep our eyes and ears open, Captain

FULLER: Lampton and Ioki

_(IOKI doesn't respond)_

FULLER: Ioki. Ioki!

IOKI: Yes, sorry, Captain.

FULLER: You okay?

IOKI: Just tired is all, Captain

PENHALL: Get yourself a new girlfriend, Harry?

IOKI: No

PENHALL: Oh. Where you by yourself?

HOFFS: Eww, Doug!

PENHALL: He's a guy, we do that.

HOFFS: Yeah, and I'm a girl. I don't need to hear about it.

IOKI: That's not what I was doing, Penhall

PENHALL: You don't have to be embarrassed if you were, Harry, just because Judy's judgmental

IOKI: I wasn't doing that. Jesus! Can't a guy just be tired!

LAMPTON: Penhall, and I mean this with love, shut up.

FULLER: Lampton, you and Ioki will be on the investigative team. You'll meet up with Detectives Holly Adler and Greg Howards and work the case from the outside with them. They are not to know Hoffs, Penhall, and Hanson's identities, do you understand?

LAMPTON: Perfectly

IOKI: Sure thing, Captain

HANSON: When do we start?

_(FULLER hands folders to HANSON, PENHALL, and HOFFS.)_

FULLER: You need to enroll in the college, today, you'll start Monday. You all have appointments with advisors, enclosed is a copy of Claire's schedule, I expect the three of you to split up those classes between each other so that at least one of you is in each one.

LAMPTON: And when and where will Ioki and I be meeting up with the detectives?

FULLER: Here and on Monday. _(Hands folders to LAMPTON and IOKI) _Until then you should both familiarize yourself with Claire Byones and the case, all right?

LAMPTON: Understood, Captain

FULLER: I'll see you two on Monday, then

LAMPTON: Of course

FULLER: Have a good day at the zoo with Emma then

LAMPTON: Thanks captain, see you Monday

_(LAMPTON exits to FULLER'S OFFICE. IOKI, HANSON, HOFFS, and PENHALL exit)_

_THE NEXT DAY. LAMPTON and IOKI sit in a car with DETECTIVES HOLLY ADLER and GREG HOWARDS. GREG HOWARDS sits in the drivers seat, and parks the car outside of EDWARDS COLLEGE._

HOLLY ADLER: So, we'll be meeting with the President of the School, Nate Judd, then myself and Greg will be appearing with the President to announce the murder to the press. We assumed that because of the nature of your work, neither of you two wanted to be on TV.

LAMPTON: I do enjoy being able to pay the bills. And to do that I need a job. And to do this job, I can't be on TV

as _(pauses) _well, anyone really.

GREG HOWARDS: You're not really missing much. We just stand behind whoever the official is as they make their statement to the press, and pretend to support whatever the official says one hundred percent, even if they're wrong, lying, etc.

LAMPTON: Sounds fantastic, too bad we have to miss out, eh, Ioks?

IOKI: Uh-huh

LAMPTON: Ioks, you with us?

IOKI: Uh-huh

LAMPTON: Say something resembling a sentence

IOKI: Uh-huh

LAMPTON: Harry Truman Ioki!

IOKI: What?

LAMPTON: Pay attention

HOLLY ADLER: Dang, you got that mom thing down

IOKI: It probably helps that she is a mom and is very experienced at middle naming.

HOLLY ADLER: Oh, you're a mom too? How old's your kid?

LAMPTON: She's seven

HOLLY ADLER: Adorable age. _(Pulls out pictures of her family and points to each person) _That's my son, Robbie, he's ten, and my daughter, Rachel, she's twelve, and Ben, my husband of course. We'll leave the age out on that one. It just might reveal my own.

LAMPTON: _(Pulls out a picture of EMMA) _This is Emma

HOLLY ADLER: Aww, she's darling. Looks just like her mom. If I didn't birth my kids, I would have serious doubts about being their mom.

LAMPTON: Ah, no, they have your eyes.

GREG HOWARDS: Are we done with pictures, or should I pull over so that you two can find a nice coffeehouse to continue?

HOLLY ADLER: Oh, don't be such a stinker, Greg. I don't get to meet too many moms on the force.

LAMPTON: Same here

HOLLY ADLER: We should do lunch

LAMPTON: Yeah, I'd really like to know how you do it with two kids

HOLLY ADLER: Well, you see

GREG HOWARDS: Save it for lunch, girls, we're here

_(GREG HOWARDS stops the car. LAMPTON and HOLLY ADLER get out still chatting about working and taking care of kids.)_

GREG HOWARDS: I guess it's just me and you, Ioki

IOKI: What?

GREG HOWARDS: You okay, kid?

IOKI: Yeah, fine, just a little distracted today, that's all

GREG HOWARDS: Well get un-distracted. I need your best out there these next couple of days, okay?

IOKI: Of course

GREG HOWARDS: _(Unconvinced) _Okay

_EDWARDS COLLEGE DORMS. HOFFS is moving boxes into her room. She smiles and interacts briefly with people who pass by, all of whom seem a little disconcerted that HOFFS is moving into CLARIE'S old room as soon as she is. DARCIE walks up the stairs, STUDENTS give her sympathetic looks, but do not approach. She stops as soon as she sees HOFFS moving her things into the room. _

DARCIE: Oh no _(walks over to HOFFS) _What do you think you're doing?

HOFFS: Excuse me?

DARCIE: What are you doing?

HOFFS: I'm moving into my room. I just transferred up here, I'm Judy, Judy Henderson.

DARCIE: I got that much, Judy, but this room isn't open. They shouldn't have put you in here. It's full.

HOFFS: This was the only open room

DARCIE: You can't move in here

HOFFS: Is this your room? Are you Darcie?

DARCIE: Yeah, and you're not welcome here. Now if you'll excuse me I have a midterm to study for. You better head down to housing and get a different rooming assignment. _(DARICE walks into the room and slams the door)_

HOFFS: Darcie!

DARCIE: Go away!

HOFFS: _(to herself) _Well this is certainly going to be a blast

_(GIRL approaches HOFFS) _

GIRL: Ignore Darcie, she's going through a tuff time right now. That room is open, however.

HOFFS: What happened?

GIRL: They didn't tell you? God, you'd think the administration would at least warn you about this. Darcie's roommate just died.

HOFFS: Oh my god

GIRL: Yeah, she was killed. Cops don't know who did it yet. I can't believe they're moving someone in as fast as they are, though. Bastards, don't give a girl a chance to grieve, they just care about that bottom line.

HOFFS: God, I had idea

GIRL: Just give a little bit. Darcie's a really sweet girl, but her and Claire, her roommate, were really close. Went to high school together and everything.

HOFFS: Dang. I hope she's okay

GIRL: She's a pretty tuff girl, she'll figure things out eventually. Until then, you hungry? I hear the caf is serving pancakes today.

HOFFS: I guess I have some time on my hands

GIRL: Darcie has a class at three. You'll be golden to move in then.

HOFFS: Awesome

_SAME TIME. HANSON and PENHALL are moving into their DORM ROOM. Boxes and bags are strewn throughout the half of the room, while the other half is carefully organized and put together. HANSON is carefully organizing his desk as PENHALL re-enters the ROOM carrying a box full of clothes. He walks to the bed and dumps the clothes haphazardly across the bed._

PENHALL: Done!

HANSON: Seriously? Dude.

PENHALL: Dude, what?

HANSON: _(Motioning to PENHALL'S mess) _Dude!

PENHALL: Dude, what?

HANSON: Have you ever lived with someone before?

PENHALL: Yeah, why?

HANSON: I'm sensing this conversation is going nowhere

PENHALL: This is a conversation? 'Cause I've been confused since the first "dude" and I'm pretty sure that a conversation constitutes both parties being in the know about what the conversation is entailing.

HANSON: Just, are you gonna pick any of that stuff up? Ever?

PENHALL: This is college, Tommy my boy. A little mess is required in order to blend in. I mean, how the hell do you expect someone to believe you to be a poor, struggling, horny coed if your desk is that organized?

HANSON: I can still be a poor, struggling, horny coed with an organized desk.

PENHALL: No you can't

HANSON: Yes I can

PENHALL: It's just not possible

HANSON: Yes it is

PENHALL: No

HANSON: You better believe it

PENHALL: You're crazy

HANSON: You're a dumbass

PENHALL: You're a dumbass

_(HANSON and PENHALL pause)_

HANSON: Do you ever feel like this job is taking over your life? Personality? Maturity levels?

PENHALL: Everyday

_LAMPTON, IOKI, HOLLY ADLER, and GREG HOWARDS are in DARCIE'S DORM ROOM. DARCIE stands watching silently from her desk, and directs LAMPTON, IOKI, HOLLY ADLER, and GREG HOWARDS around the room as needed._

HOLLY ALDER: Darcie, we know this is hard

DARCIE: Don't give me that speech. I'm so sick of hearing that speech. Just please take what you need and get out.

HOLLY ADLER: Okay

GREG HOWARDS: This was Claire's desk and bed?

DARCIE: Yeah

_(HOFFS enters)_

HOFFS: Oh, I'm sorry, am I interrupting something?

GREG HOWARDS: We're police officers, m'am, I'm Detective Howards and this is Detective Adler. And those two over there are Priss and Harry, they're journalism students shadowing us on an investigation for their newspaper. We'll be done here in a minute

HOFFS: Do you want me to leave until you finished?

HOLLY ADLER: No problem, you can stay if you would like

HOFFS: It's no problem, I have to run to the bookstore anyways.

DARCIE: Don't bother coming back, this isn't your room!

HOFFS: Good luck with your investigation, I hope you catch the guy.

_(HOFFS exits)_

HOLLY ADLER: Darcie, I've got some numbers for some groups that help people deal with this sort of thing, if you're interested

DARCIE: I don't need to talk to anyone, I'm fine, okay?

HOLLY ADLER: Still, I'll leave them here on the dresser if you change your mind. _(HOLLY ADLER pulls out a flyer and puts it on the dresser) _I wrote my number on there too in case you need to talk, or just want to check up on the investigation. You can call me anytime, day or night. I'll be around.

_LATER. CAFETERIA. HANSON and PENHALL sit together eating. HOFFS enters and gives a discreet nod to HANSON and PENHALL. ERIC and LAURA approach HOFFS._

ERIC: Are you Darcie's new roommate?

HOFFS: Yeah, why?

ERIC: Have you heard about Claire? Darcie's old roommate, I mean.

HOFFS: Yeah, that sounds terrible. I feel awful for her, but she isn't exactly making this an easy move.

LAURA: She's one of my good friends up here, and believe me this isn't usually what she's like. I'm Laura, by the way.

HOFFS: Judy

ERIC: I'm Eric, I went to high school with Darcie and Claire.

LAURA: I just met them both this year, but they were like sisters. This isn't easy on her.

HOFFS: I would be scared if it was

ERIC: Do you have someone to sit with?

HOFFS: Ah, no, Darcie has locked herself in the room and besides that I don't really know anyone up here, so it would be lovely if I could join you two

LAURA: We've love for you to

_(LAURA, ERIC, and HOFFS sit at a table by PENHALL and HANSON.)_

HOFFS: So, what exactly happened? I mean, I know that Claire was murdered, the police were in our room earlier going through things, but do they have leads?

LAURA: The police certainly haven't arrested anyone yet, but if I had to put money on it I'd say that Jake Wallace had something to do with it.

ERIC: They did leave the party together

HOFFS: Who's Jake Wallace?

ERIC: Claire's on-again, off-again. He's this big, hotshot wrestler from somewhere in Iowa. He and Claire met Welcome Week and it's been love hate ever since.

LAURA: Darcie used to complain all the time about it. She kept saying that Claire would only talk about Jake, but who can really blame the girl? I mean when you start on-again, off-again dating someone like that it kinda takes over your brain a little.

HOFFS: Don't I know it

_(HOFFS looks to HANSON and PENHALL. HANSON gives a discreet nod, then turns to PENHALL.)_

HANSON: Did you hear that? Looks like someone's going out for wrestling

PENHALL: Looks like it

HANSON: Evens

PENHALL: Odds

_(HANSON and PENHALL play the "evens, odds" game. HANSON wins, PENHALL groans.)_

PENHALL: Oh god, I hope you brought icy-hot with you

HANSON: Have fun

PENHALL: I hate you

HANSON: Just remember, pain is only temporary, the jokes will last forever.

PENHALL: I rephrase, I loathe you

HANSON: Hope you remembered to pack your spandex onesy!

PENHALL: Does Annie know about this side of you?

HANSON: Nah, I save all the good stuff for you, Doug.

PENHALL: You're sweet

_LATER. IOKI'S APARTMENT. IOKI sits at his desk in his study looking over paperwork and talking on the phone. His passport sits out on the desk, along with other travel documents._

IOKI: So, there's a plane leaving Saturday night for Vietnam? That doesn't leave me much time.

_(He pauses)_

IOKI: _(Sighs) _All right, book it. You have my credit information, correct?

_(He pauses)_

IOKI: All right, thank-you for the last minute flight.

_(He hangs up his phone and looks through more paperwork.)_

_THE NEXT DAY. HOFFS, LAURA, and ERIC are walking through campus and talking. HOLLY ADLER, GREG HOWARDS, LAMPTON, and IOKI stand nearby talking with other students. _

LAURA: That exam was impossible!

ERIC: Since coming to college, I've learned to accept failure. I think I've been accepting it a little too much recently, however.

HOFFS: As soon as I read the first question I knew I was screwed. The only thing that got me through that exam was the faint glimmer of hope that it might, perhaps be curved by some kind-hearted TA.

LAURA: Oh thank-god for kind-hearted TA's. They got me through Math 118.

ERIC: I wonder if I'll fail out of college

LAURA: Eric, now you're just being ridiculous

ERIC: Well if a guy fails enough exams, that means he fails some classes, and if you fail enough classes, that's it! You're out. And I'll be working at McDonald's for the rest of my life. I can see myself now, wearing that god awful uniform and repeating the phrase "do you want fries with that?" over and over again until one day I finally snap. And then, god knows what I'll be capable of.

LAURA: I think you've got yourself a nice little life planned out there, Eric. I don't understand why you're bothering wasting thousands here when you can just wait for your time to snap in the fast food industry.

ERIC: If I hadn't wasted thousands of dollars and come here, I wouldn't have come here, and I wouldn't have met you, and couldn't do this _(starts tickling LAURA)_

LAURA: _(Laughing) _Eric! Stop it! Eric!

HOFFS: _(Laughing) _Am I going to have to separate you two!

_(HOLLY ADLER, GREG HOWARDS, LAMPTON, and IOKI approach the group. )_

HOLLY ADLER: Are you Laura Knightly and Greg Lee?

_(ERIC stops tickling LAURA and they separate.)_

ERIC: Yeah

GREG HOWARDS: We're Detectives Howards and Adler, do you mind if we ask you a few questions about Claire? We understand that you two were close with her.

LAURA: Yeah, sure, whatever you need

HOLLY ADLER: Did anyone have anything against Claire? Where there any signs of a strained relationship, with a close friend, or a boyfriend maybe?

ERIC: Actually, yeah

GREG HOWARDS: Who?

ERIC: Her on-again, off-again boyfriend, Jake Wallace. But we told this to the cops when they originally talked to us

HOLLY ADLER: We know, we've read the reports. We're just making sure that they didn't miss anything important. Jake was the last person seen with Claire, right?

LAURA: Yeah, they left the party together. We just figured that they were y'know, but Jake is known for his temper. And I haven't seen him around since they found Claire.

GREG HOWARDS: All right, thanks. Can you give us an address for Jake?

ERIC: He lives across campus, in Brian Hall. I don't know what room, though. Whenever we saw him, he was always on our end of campus.

HOLLY ADLER: Thanks, we'll check into that

GREG HOWARDS: Can you think of anyone else that might have wanted to hurt Claire?

LAURA: Everybody liked Claire. I mean, her and Darcie got into fights occasionally, but who doesn't fight with their roommate?

HOLLY ADLER: What were these fights about?

LAURA: Jake, what else? Claire was smitten, and Darcie felt like she was losing her friend. I mean, even when her and Jake weren't together, all Claire would talk about was Jake. Either trashing him if they were on an off-again stretch, or just talking about him in general if everything was good. Darcie was getting frustrated.

ERIC: And I'm sure the constant sexiling didn't help

GREG HOWARDS: Sexiling

HOLLY ADLER: Kicking out your roommate so you and your special friend can _(pause) _have some alone time. What did you do during college, Greg?

GREG HOWARDS: Lived in an apartment

HOLLY ADLER: You missed out

LAURA: Is there anything else that you want to know, or can we go? I've got a killer bio exam tomorrow that I really should be studying for.

GREG HOWARDS: No, that's all we need for now. If we need anything else, we'll give you a call. Thanks for your time.

ERIC: No problem.

_(ERIC, LAURA, and HOFFS exit)_

HOLLY ALDER: _(to LAMPTON and IOKI) _You guys knew what sexiling was, right?

LAMPTON: Didn't even go to college and knew what it was

GREG HOWARDS: I was just getting a clarification, you never know with kids these days. They have a new word for everything. I mean bad is good, there are two different types of fats

HOLLY ADLER: _(Laughing) _Kids these days! Greg, I think it's time to admit that you've reached middle age.

GREG HOWARDS: Have not! I'm thirty-four! You're not middle age until you've reached at least forty! Forty five, really with medical improvements today. Extending life further and further. And you're middle age when you're halfway, aka middle, through your life. Ha! Not middle age!

HOLLY ADLER: Quick, those kids are playing on the grass, go yell at them!

GREG HOWARDS: You're one to talk, you're the one with a husband and kids. If anyone's middle-aged here, it's you.

HOLLY ADLER: Yes, well, I act like my age, whatever it may be. You, however, insist on behaving like a twenty-five year old on a daily basis. It's time to grow up, bud.

LAMPTON: _(to IOKI) _Y'know, I thought it was just our department because of what we do on a daily basis, but are you getting the feeling that everybody's just that immature at heart?

IOKI: _(to LAMPTON) _Sure thing

LAMPTON: _(to IOKI) _Are you even listening to me?

IOKI: _(to LAMPTON) _Of course

LAMPTON: _(to IOKI) _I'm having a lesbian relationship with Hoffs

IOKI: _(to LAMPTON) _I hope the two of you will be very happy together

LAMPTON: Ioki!

IOKI: What? Lesbain relationship _(pauses) _Oh, I got it. Sorry, Lampton. I just have a lot of stuff on my mind right now.

LAMPTON: You can talk it out, if you want. You know I'm here for you

IOKI: I know

LAMPTON: but you don't want to talk about it

IOKI: Basically. Look, it's nothing serious, okay. You don't have anything to worry about.

LAMPTON: _(Unconvinced) _Okay

_LATER. HANSON and PENHALL'S ROOM. HANSON sits with the door open studying. People walk by talking about various topics, ranging from parties this weekend to upcoming exams. There's a knock at the door. HANSON looks up, LAMPTON is standing there._

HANSON: Priss, what's up? What are you doing here?

LAMPTON: I'm worried about Ioki

HANSON: And you couldn't call?

LAMPTON: I'm just a fellow student doing a piece for the newspaper about the case and police work in general. There's nothing wrong with me stopping by to see Tom, my old friend from high school

HANSON: _(HANSON rolls his eyes, as he stands up and walks across the room) _If Fuller knew

LAMPTON: I know, I know, he'd kick my ass into next week

HANSON: More like next year

LAMPTON: Decade even

HANSON: _(Closes the door) _Needless to say, I'm putting my ass on the line for yours.

LAMPTON: Well thank god that we both have fantastic asses. There's nothing worse then when someone with an oversized, unattractive ass is just sticking it out in the world's face.

HANSON: Like when the plumber is fixing the pipes and there's some serious butt cleavage happening

LAMPTON: Exactly. And nice use of butt cleavage.

HANSON: Thanks, I try.

LAMPTON: I know. Sometimes just a smidge too hard.

HANSON: So, what's up with Ioki?

LAMPTON: He's just been acting really off. And when I asked him about it, he said that he was working through it. I offered him an ear, he said that he was fine and just to back off

HANSON: If he says back off

LAMPTON: You know he's been acting funny, though. I mean it started with the Cole Matthews case. And it's not getting better. I don't know where he is half the time.

HANSON: He's not showing up?

LAMPTON: No, no, he's there, but he's not there. If you get what I'm saying.

HANSON: Ah, we're mentally speaking

LAMPTON: Yeah. I don't know what to do.

HANSON: He's a big boy, if he wants to talk, he'll talk. If not, we just have to respect that.

LAMPTON: What if he's in trouble?

HANSON: What are we gonna do? Call the police?

LAMPTON: Not helping

HANSON: Neither are you, Priss. Ioki can handle himself. If he needs help, he'll get it.

LAMPTON: How many adult men do you know admit to needing help with anything?

HANSON: I'm sure there are some out there, somewhere.

LAMPTON: See!

HANSON: Priss, you can't force Ioki into asking for help. And as long as he doesn't turn up to be involved with a international gun smuggling drug ring, I think everything will be okay.

LAMPTON: Gun smuggling drug ring?

HANSON: I couldn't pick between the two, decided to go with both.

LAMPTON: Ioki is an over-achiever

HANSON: An over-achiever that is allowed to make his own decisions?

LAMPTON: _(Sighs) _Fine

HANSON: _(Embraces LAMPTON) _Atta girl _(kisses LAMPTON'S forehead)_

LAMPTON: Yeah, yeah

_SAME TIME. ITALIAN RESTAURANT. HOFFS and PENHALL sit together at a candlelit table in the crowded restaurant eating pasta. Both are dressed up for the occasion. HOFFS' hand rests on the table besides her plate. PENHALL reaches over and holds her hand._

HOFFS: Well I never would have guessed that Doug Penhall would be such a romantic.

PENHALL: Well you should never judge a book by its cover. I may be a beer-drinking, football-watching, super strong, ultra-cool, macho man, but I'm also a sensitive, down-to-earth, all-around nice guy.

HOFFS: _(Laughs) _You forgot modest too

PENHALL: I couldn't possibly have listed another good trait about me. It might have started sounding like I was really full of myself or something.

HOFFS: And you wouldn't want that

PENHALL: No, not at all. Not when I'm busying trying to impress a lady.

HOFFS: Hmm, you're trying to impress me, eh?

PENHALL: Yea, and I do believe that I'm succeeding

HOFFS: Now you're just being cocky

PENHALL: Which is sexy, right?

HOFFS: Oh, outrageously so. For the life of me I just don't understand what's holding me back from leaping across the table, ripping off my clothes, and starting making love to you right now.

PENHALL: Well neither do I. I can't think of a single good reason why you haven't already done that.

HOFFS: Perhaps it's all the people here

PENHALL: I don't think they'd mind. _(Moves plate to the side) _Ready?

HOFFS: _(Laughs) _Now this conversation is getting ridiculous

PENHALL: Just now?

HOFFS: You know what I mean

PENHALL: Yeah, I know

_(PENHALL and HOFFS smile at each other, there's a moment.)_

PENHALL: Thanks for finally sayin' yes, Jude.

HOFFS: Thanks for never giving up, Doug.


	16. 8: Accidental Lies, part 2

_LATER. LAMPTON'S HOUSE. LAMPTON and CONDOR sit on the couch watching a movie and drinking wine. _

CONDOR: So, have you talked to Ioki yet?

LAMPTON: Oh, no

CONDOR: Well that certainly doesn't sound like the Priss I know.

LAMPTON: Whatda mean?

CONDOR: The Priss I know is blunt as hell. She doesn't shy away from confrontation, despite the usual awkwardness or fighting that generally comes with it

LAMPTON: _(Rolls eyes) _Whatever, I'm not that confrontational. I avoid problems just like everybody else.

CONDOR: Yeah, for like a minute.

LAMPTON: Whatever, you're full of it

CONDOR: I am not. Why haven't you talked to Ioki yet? You were really concerned about him last night.

LAMPTON: Yeah, well, I talked it through and realized that whatever Ioki's going through is his business. If he had wanted my help, he would have asked for it. Until then, I intend to let whatever's eating at Ioki to stay chomping away.

CONDOR: I thought we talked it through and you decided that you wanted to sit him down and talk with him. Force out a confession.

LAMPTON: Yeah, remember when we first met and you tried to force one out of me? That went well, didn't it?

CONDOR: Hey, I got the girl in the end. By all accounts, it worked out.

LAMPTON: No, what I mean is, it didn't get us any further in the case. In fact, it probably slowed us down more than anything.

CONDOR: But what I don't get is what made you change your mind? Who'd you talk it through with? That roommate of yours, Phoebe? Hell, Emma?

LAMPTON: No, I, ah, I talked it out with Hanson.

CONDOR: Hanson, huh?

LAMPTON: Oh lordy, here we go. I don't see what your problem is with him! He's a good guy and my partner. You should like him by default.

CONDOR: It's not what I think of him that's the problem, Priss, it's what you apparently think of him.

LAMPTON: What are you talking about?

CONDOR: First off, you neglected to tell me that you were living with Hanson posing as his fake wife on that last case!

LAMPTON: I did too tell you!

CONDOR: No, no, you said that you were going to be out of contact for awhile because you were posing as a housewife. For all I knew you were living by yourself in that house. I just assumed that it was with someone that I didn't know, because you didn't bother mentioning a name! That is, until we were at lunch with my family and you pull out that picture of you, and him, and Emma, the daughter that I'm not even allowed to meet, from your purse!

LAMPTON: Okay, first off, I don't have to tell you every single last detail of whatever case I'm working on. In fact, I really shouldn't tell you anything about the cases that I work on because most of the time they're on-going.

CONDOR: What about the picture? And why haven't I met Emma?

LAMPTON: You've met her!

CONDOR: Not as your boyfriend

LAMPTON: Well I'm not exactly liking that title for you right now, Eli. In fact, I'm tempted to strip it away and give it back to George Clooney. At least he doesn't care that I happen to be good friends with another man.

CONDOR: Oh, you and your cute little snide comments. Can't we for once have a real discussion without you making a joke out of things?

LAMPTON: Yes, yes, when you come to me with a real, rational problem, then we can have a real, rational _(sarcastically) _discussion, as you like to put it.

CONDOR: This is a real, rational problem, Priss!

LAMPTON: No, this is you trying to make something out of nothing. So what? I went to Hanson to talk about Ioki. Hanson knows Ioki, knows him better than I do, and ten billion times better then you do. So what, I wanted a second opinion.

CONDOR: It's the fact that you hold his opinion higher than mine

LAMPTON: On some times, yeah. If I ever need advice on how to take down a drug cartel, you'd be the first guy I'd go to. Hanson still gets bowling tips, but

CONDOR: Ha! You see! You're back to making your little comments again! Just when I thought that maybe, for once, you'd have a real conversation about a problem

LAMPTON: Well, guess I'm just not as confrontational as you like to think I am. _(Sarcastically) _Perhaps I use my cute comments to deflect from real problems!

_(LAMPTON stands up, turns off the movie, and begins cleaning up)_

CONDOR: Priss

LAMPTON: What, Eli?

CONDOR: I want to talk about this

LAMPTON: You're just being crazy, Eli. There's nothing going on between me and Hanson.

CONDOR: So, you mean to say that you've never felt anything for Tom Hanson? Never even been attracted to him?

LAMPTON: Eli, I'm with you

CONDOR: Maybe when you were playing his wife? Where you attracted to him at all?

LAMPTON: The sex was terrible. Didn't do a thing for me.

CONDOR: Priss!

LAMPTON: What! A ridiculous question deserves a ridiculous answer

CONDOR: Just answer the question, Priss

LAMPTON: No, Eli, I don't nor have I ever had any warm and fuzzy feelings towards Tom Hanson. He's a friend and a colleague. That's it, plain and simple.

_(CONDOR pauses and shakes his head. He stands up and crosses the room towards LAMPTON.)_

CONDOR: Then why do you always go to him?

LAMPTON: He's my friend

CONDOR: I'm your boyfriend.

LAMPTON: What do I have to do to make you understand that you mean more to me than Hanson.

CONDOR: Let me met Emma. Let me met her as your boyfriend.

LAMPTON: No

CONDOR: What?

LAMPTON: Can't be done

CONDOR: Why? Why is it that you and Emma and Hanson go bowling every Tuesday night and I've never been invited once in any capacity! Why is it that Hanson gets to know your daughter, arguably the most important person in your life, and I have to sit around waiting like an idiot for you to deem it safe enough for me to meet her!

LAMPTON: I don't want her getting attached! It's that simple! Boyfriends come and go, friends and partners last.

CONDOR: What makes you think I'm going anywhere, Priss!

LAMPTON; This! This argument right here!

CONDOR: Whatda mean?

LAMPTON: If you don't trust me well enough to believe me when I tell you that Hanson is just a friend and only a friend, then you don't have any sort of staying power. Now if you'll excuse me I have to be up early tomorrow to go to an autopsy, so I'd like you to leave.

CONDOR: Your leaving things like this?

LAMPTON: Basically. Now just get the hell out of my house.

_(CONDOR gets his things angrily and walks towards the door. LAMPTON stands holding the door open, looking just as angry.)_

CONDOR: Hope you and Hanson have a great and insightful conversation about this fight, Priss!

LAMPTON: Who's the sarcastic one now?

_(LAMPTON slams the door shut.)_

_THE NEXT DAY. AUTOPSY ROOM. The MEDICAL EXAMINER, HOLLY ALDER, GREG HOWARDS, IOKI, and LAMPTON who are all standing around CLAIRE'S dead body. LAMPTON sleepily sips on a cup of coffee, while IOKI looks on in horror at the scene in front of him. HOLLY and GREG are unaffected._

GREG HOWARDS: _(to IOKI) _First autopsy?

IOKI: Yeah, how'd you know?

GREG HOWARDS: That slightly green tint to your coloring. Wasn't there yesterday.

IOKI: Funny

GREG HOWARDS: _(Hands IOKI a tin) _Here, you might need this

IOKI: What is this?

GREG HOWARDS: A puke tin

IOKI: I'm not gonna puke

GREG HOWARDS: You say that now

_(THE MEDICAL EXAMINER makes the first incision. IOKI looks ill, turns around, and pukes into the tin.)_

GREG HOWARDS: Hate to say I told ya, big guy

LAMPTON: You okay, Ioks?

IOKI: Oh yeah, just fantastic

MEDICAL EXAMINER: Good call on the tin, Greg

GREG HOWARDS: I just got new shoes, I didn't want to risk putting them in harm's way

IOKI: Glad to know you were thinking of me

_(IOKI begins to turn around)_

HOLLY ADLER: You might not what to look at this part

IOKI: What?

_(THE MEDICAL EXAMINER spreads the ribs)_

IOKI: Oh my god

_(IOKI turns around and pukes again. This time he remains with his back to the table.)_

LAMPTON: It's okay, you can look now, Ioki.

IOKI: I think it's best for me to hear and not see this. I would enjoy sleeping tonight. And eating for the rest of my life.

MEDICAL EXAMINER: That's probably also a good call

IOKI: And I didn't even have extrinsic motivation on that one

HOLLY ADLER: So, what have you got for us?

MEDICAL EXAMINER: Her organs appear to be healthy. I'll have to run a tox screen to double check, but it's looking like blunt force trauma to the head is what did her in. Poor girl, she's young. Had her whole life ahead of her.

HOLLY ADLER: Can you give us anything on the weapon?

MEDICAL EXAMINER: From the indents it made it her skull, it had to have been something heavy

LAMPTON: Like a book?

MEDICAL EXAMINER: No, much heavier than that, and it was awkwardly shaped. The bottom end was larger than the midsection, almost like a

HOLLY ADLER: Like a dumbbell weight?

MEDICAL EXAMINER: Yeah, that'd fit the bill

GREG HOWARDS: Wrestlers would use dumbbells

HOLLY ADLER: And Jake Howards just got a lot more interesting.

_SAME TIME. WRESTLING PRACTICE. PENHALL sits on the bench getting ready for his turn. JAKE WALLACE enters dressed in his regular clothes and walks over to the COACH. PENHALL listens in. _

JAKE: Coach, remember how you said we could come talk to you about anything

COACH: Yeah, son, of course. What's up?

JAKE: Can we talk, y'know, in private?

COACH: Course, we'll go to my office.

_(JAKE and the COACH exit to the OFFICE and close the door. Through the window PENHALL can see JAKE and the COACH talking seriously about something, but he can't hear what they're saying. He tries to move closer.)_

ASSISANT COACH: New guy! You're up!

_(PENHALL jumps and turns his attention back to PRACTICE.)_

PENHALL: Ah, yeah, sure, who's the unlucky guy who gets to be my opponent?

_(A giant, beefy, most likely on steroids WRESTLER walks into the circle and smirks, pounding his fists together.)_

GIANT WRESTLER: I think you've got that backwards, squirt

PENHALL: All right, my life's just flashing before my eyes and I can start to see that little white light that they're always talking about, but whatever, y'know. Oh god.

_(The match begins and the GIANT WRESTLER picks PENHALL up without much effort and throws him to the ground. A sharp yelp of pain is heard from PENHALL, and the other on looking WRESTLERS wince)_

WRESTLER 1: That had to hurt

WRESTLER 2: Ouch

WRESTLER 3: Is his leg supposed to bend like that?

PENHALL: Coach, may I be excused on account of, well, intense pain?

_HOLLY ADLER, GREG HOWARDS, LAMPTON, and IOKI are walking through CAMPUS on their way to JAKE WALLACE'S DORM ROOM. _

GREG HOWARDS: So, all signs lead to Jake Wallace? You're undercovers are hearing the same info?

LAMPTON: Yeah, but they heard it from the same source, so who knows.

HOLLY ADLER: Have they been able to get close to Darcie Wilaker? She's the only one who we haven't been able to talk to about any details of the case

LAMPTON: They're trying. Darcie's putting up a tough defense though

HOLLY ADLER: Do you think that maybe she has something to hide?

LAMPTON: By all accounts Darcie and Claire were like sisters

GREG HOWARDS: Sometimes sisters have fights though

HOLLY ADLER: Jealously over the new boyfriend in Claire's life? Maybe a love triangle?

IOKI: We're getting ahead of ourselves

_(LAMPTON jerks her head around and looks at IOKI, shocked to hear him speak for the first time during the case about the case.)_

IOKI: We need to talk to Jake first, maybe find out if he has an alibi or not. Right now, we don't even have motive enough for any of these kids. It could have just been a random attack.

HOLLY ADLER: You're right, Ioki. Let's focus on what we have now. We know that Jake Wallace was an excellent student with a wrestling scholarship. He and Darcie had been on and off all year. Now what would make him kill?

GREG HOWARDS: I don't know, but this is his building. Let's find out.

_(They enter the DORM and walk through the halls to find JAKE WALLACE'S ROOM.)_

_JAKE WALLACE'S DORM ROOM. GREG HOWARDS knocks, JAKE WALLACE answers. _

HOLLY ADLER: Jake Wallace?

JAKE: Yeah?

HOLLY ADLER: We're Detectives Adler and Howards, and this is Priss and Harry, they're students shadowing us for a newspaper article.

JAKE: Is this about Claire?

GREG HOWARDS: Yeah, can we ask you a few questions.

JAKE: Come on in, I've been waiting for you guys to show up.

_(HOLLY ALDER, GREG HOWARDS, LAMPTON, and IOKI follow JAKE into his DORM ROOM. The room is dark, there's only a single, small desk light on in the corner. A photo album lays out on his bed with pictures of himself and Claire. JAKE closes the door behind them, and turns on the overhead light.)_

JAKE: So, what can I help you with?

HOLLY ADLER: Jake, we know that you had a relationship with Claire

JAKE: Yeah, she was the first person I met a Welcome Week _(he gives a sad, fond smile at the memory) _and she kinda stuck with me.

GREG HOWARDS: We also know that you were the last person to see Claire alive

JAKE: _(Surprised) _What? No, I wasn't. Yeah we left the party together, but when we got to her room, her roommate, Darcie, was there. Darcie seemed pretty pissed about something, wanted to talk, so I left so that they could hatch some stuff out. I mean, I know that Darcie didn't exactly love having me around all the time. I figured that they could use some girl time.

GREG HOWARDS: Wait, wait, wait, you walked her home and left her with her roommate?

JAKE: Yeah, didn't Darcie tell you?

GREG HOWARDS: Darcie hasn't wanted to talk to us about the case yet

HOLLY ADLER: And something tells me that we're gonna want to talk to Darcie soon, though

JAKE: You think Darcie did this?

HOLLY ADLER: We think that somebody close to Darcie did this to her, yeah. Maybe not Darcie, but Darcie would know who if she was the last person to see Claire alive.

JAKE: How do you know it was someone close to Claire?

GREG HOWARDS: No defensive wounds. If she had been attacked by a stranger, don't you think Claire would have been on the offensive.

HOLLY ALDER: Whoever did this knew Claire well enough so that Claire was at ease around them.

JAKE: But it was Claire. Claire was the sweetest person I've ever met. Who?

GREG HOWARDS: That's what we're trying to figure out. Is there someone who can corroborate your story?

JAKE: You mean besides Darcie? Well, I guess my roommate Todd.

HOLLY ADLER: And one more quick question

JAKE: Yeah?

HOLLY ADLER: Do you happen to own any free weights? Y'know, ones that you would keep in your dorm room for your own personal use?

JAKE: No, they give athletes a free gym membership, so I didn't see the point in bringing any up. Limited space, I had to condense.

GREG HOWARDS: Thanks for your time, Jake. We'll keep in touch.

JAKE: Okay _(pause) _Just, wait.

HOLLY ADLER: Yes?

JAKE: Promise me you'll catch the guy, okay? Whoever it is. Just make him pay for what he did. Can you do that?

HOLLY ADLER: We'll try our best, Jake

_DARCIE and HOFFS' ROOM. HOFFS enters the room after returning from class. DARCIE stands in the center of the room working out with a set of weights she had pulled out from the closet. _

HOFFS: I took notes for you in class, today. You missed a really great lecture on the civil war.

DARCIE: Thanks

HOFFS: Oh, I didn't know that we had weights

DARCIE: I keep them in the closet. Eye sore.

HOFFS: Mind if I use them sometime, Darcie? I couldn't possibly afford a gym pass until I can get a job, and I can't possibly get a job until I manage to catch up in all of my classes, which I'm thinking is never.

DARCIE: Whatever

HOFFS: Thanks. So what are you up to for the rest of the day?

DARCIE: I donno

HOFFS: Wanna get lunch later? I was going to meet up with Laura and Eric

DARCIE: Whatever. Maybe. I'll see if I can. A lot of homework to do, y'know.

HOFFS: Okay. I have to meet up with some guys from my bio class to study for our exam on Thursday, but I'm meeting Laura and Eric in the caf at one if you want to join us.

DARCIE: Whatever, just don't count on me

_PENHALL and HANSON'S DORM ROOM. PENHALL hobbles in looking grumpy and holding a bag of ice on his back. HANSON watches on with an amused grin. _

HANSON: Fun day at practice, Douglas?

PENHALL: Amazing, can't you tell by the look of sheer joy on my face?

HANSON: Oh, it just brightens up the room

PENHALL: Has Lampton or Ioki been here yet with the results?

HANSON: They should be here any minute, along with Hoffs

PENHALL: We're probably getting Harry then, aren't we?

HANSON: Hoffs and Lampton still on the outs?

PENHALL: I think it's going to take an act of god to get either one of them to budge.

HANSON: What the hell are they even fighting about?

PENHALL: One of them made a rude comment to the other or something like that. Girl stuff.

HANSON: So what you're saying is that one of them was PMS-ing and neither wants to apologize

PENHALL: Sounds about right

_(HOFFS knocks)_

HOFFS: Hello, hello

HANSON: Come on in, Jude

_(HOFFS walks into the room)_

HOFFS: Where's the other two?

PENHALL: Not here yet

HOFFS: Well I can see that, Doug

PENHALL: I mean, they're still on their way

_(IOKI enters)_

HANSON: Speak of the devil

PENHALL: Where's Lampton?

IOKI: She decided to hang back with Adler and Howards, follow up on some more leads with them

HOFFS: He means she didn't want to be in a small, cramped dorm room with me

_(IOKI closes the door)_

IOKI: _(Awkwardly) _So, the case

HANSON: Let's focus on that

HOFFS: What's the news, Ioks?

IOKI: _(Handing everyone a folder) _Here are some copies of the autopsy reports for you guys to look over. But the short version of it all

PENHALL: _(Throwing the folder onto his bed) _Thank god! I never understand all of that medical mumbo jumbo

IOKI: No problem, Penhall. Ah, the short version is that Claire Byones was most likely killed by someone she knew, by the lack of defensive wounds on her body, and died of blunt force trauma to the skull. The medical examiner thinks that it may be something like a free weight. It was heavy and awkwardly shaped, so that was the

HANSON: Jake Wallace is a wrestler

PENHALL: Oh, another strike for the boyfriend!

IOKI: No, we talked to him this morning. He says that he dropped Claire off at her room and her and Darcie got into some kind of argument.

HANSON: So, Jake Wallace wasn't the last person to see Claire alive?

IOKI: No, according to him, Darcie was. We're gonna talk to Darcie here in a minute, we just wanted to see if maybe you guys had some information for us to go off of

HOFFS: Oh my god

PENHALL: What?

HOFFS: Darcie was lifting free weights this morning. It was the first time I had seen them in the room. She said that they were just hidden in the closet. You don't think?

HANSON: Anything's possible

IOKI: We'll go talk to Darcie

HOFFS: Why would Darcie kill her best friend? I mean, the girl's been a wreak ever since I've been here. I mean, she didn't even want to let me into the room

HANSON: People deal with their guilt in different ways. Maybe what you've been interpreting as depression or mourning is actually guilt.

IOKI: Let's not jump to any conclusions. We still haven't cleared the boyfriend's story yet.

HOFFS: I'll go and try to talk to Darcie. I don't think a Police interrogation is what she needs right now.

PENHALL: You think she'll open up to you?

HOFFS: More than she'd open up to a cop

IOKI: Okay, we'll check out the boyfriend's story first, then talk to Darcie. That'll give you about an hour. Is that good, Hoffs?

HOFFS: It's fine. Thanks, Ioki.

IOKI: Good luck. Let's try and figure this mess out.

_DARCIE and HOFFS' DORM ROOM. DARCIE is sitting on her bed staring at the free weights which are still laying out on the floor. HOFFS enters, DARCIE jumps up and tries to pretend like she was working out with them all along, but HOFFS doesn't buy it._

HOFFS: Darcie, I know that you weren't working out. You don't have to pretend.

DARCIE: I was just taking a break

HOFFS: Darcie, can we talk?

DARCIE: Why do you care so much?

HOFFS: I know that you were close with Claire

DARCIE: Why do you care?

HOFFS: I know that her boyfriend dropped her off here on the night that she died, and that you two had an argument

DARCIE: How do you know all of that?

HOFFS: What I don't know is what happened after that. And believe me, Darcie, I don't want to believe that you did what it looks like you did, but you have to understand, all the signs are pointing to you. So, I have to ask, did you kill Claire Byones?

DARCIE: Who are you?

HOFFS: _(Flashes her badge) _My name's really Officer Judy Hoffs. I was sent here to help investigate Claire's death.

DARCIE: Oh my god. Oh my god.

HOFFS: Darcie, I need you to answer my question.

_(DARCIE breaks down for the first time since CLAIRE'S death.)_

DARCIE: I didn't mean too. I didn't mean it. She was my best friend.

HOFFS: Darcie, why? Why did you do it?

DARCIE: She loved him.

HOFFS: What?

DARCIE: She loved him and didn't even notice me. He treated her like dirt, and I was her best friend her entire life and she loved him. Not me.

HOFFS: Darcie

DARCIE: I didn't mean too. She came home that night with him. And I told her. She couldn't even look at me. She wanted to move out. She, she, I didn't mean it!

HOFFS: Darcie, you know what this means, right?

DARCIE: It was an accident. I didn't mean it.

HOFFS: You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law

DARCIE: I killed my best friend. I didn't, I didn't, I can't believe, I killed her

_LATER. JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. HANSON, PENHALL, IOKI, LAMPTON, and HOFFS all sit at their respective desks filling out paperwork. HOLLY ADLER, GREG HOWARDS, and FULLER all exit FULLER'S OFFICE into the main part of the CHAPEL._

HOLLY ADLER: You're people did great work, Fuller.

FULLER: Thank-you

GREG HOWARDS: Do you and your guys want to join us for a round of drinks?

PENHALL: Can't boss, got plans.

HANSON: Got a hot date, Penhall?

PENHALL: _(Looks at HOFFS with a bright smile. He gives a little wink) _Yeah, she's a knockout.

HOFFS: I wouldn't expect anything less of you, Doug

HOLLY ADLER: Well, Officer Hoffs, I would be more than happy to buy all of your drinks tonight for solving this case

HOFFS: It was a team effort. I just got the confession.

HOLLY ADLER: Yeah, like the most important part

HOFFS: Ah, you're sweet, but I've got plans of my own tonight.

FULLER: You got a hot date too, Jude?

HOFFS: _(Looks playfully at PENHALL briefly) _Eh, he's okay lookin'

PENHALL: I doubt it. A guy for Judy Hoffs, he'd have to be a drop dead handsome, charming, son of a bitch.

FULLER: Am I missing something?

HOFFS and PENHALL: Inside joke

FULLER: Okay

HOFFS: Well I should probably get going, have a good night everyone!

PENHALL: I'll walk you out, Jude. See ya, guys.

_(PENHALL and HOFFS exit)_

HANSON: Do you ever feel like you're out of the loop?

FULLER: All the time

GREG HOWARDS: Anyone else for some drinks?

LAMPTON: I'm free Emma's on a field trip with her class to some nature center. It's her first overnight trip, she was so nervous, it was adorable. Anyways, I've got to make this night count.

HANSON: _(With a hint of disgust) _You gonna bring Condor?

LAMPTON: Not until he apologizes

HANSON: _(Brightening) _Oh, you two on the outs?

LAMPTON: It's stupid. We had this huge argument last night, and in all honesty I don't want to spend my night as a single non-child having lady having that same stupid, pointless fight with him again. But we've gonna have it, cause he won't get over it.

HANSON: Over what?

LAMPTON: It's nothing

HANSON: You wanna talk about it

LAMPTON: Not really in front of my coworkers and boss, actually.

HANSON: _(Looks around at FULLER, HOLLY ADLER, GREG HOWARDS, and IOKI who all look a little uncomfortable and confused) _Ah

GREG HOWARDS: Drinnks?

LAMPTON: God yes

HANSON: I'm in

FULLER: I'll go, why not. As long as you promise to not rant about your man troubles, Lampton

LAMPTON: I promise to reserve girl talk for a later date. With a girl. Or Hanson.

IOKI: Same thing

HANSON: Hey!

IOKI: Well, I wish I could go, but I have plans for tonight. Have fun without me, guys.

_(IOKI exits)_

LAMPTON: Ioki seems to be in better spirits

HANSON: You see the wonders of letting a man work something out for himself.

LAMPTON: Okay, okay, you were right

HANSON: Thanks, I try. You guys ready?

FULLER: Lost, but I've expect that as my place in conversation around here, but ready

HOLLY ADLER: Awesome, let's go. I know a great bar just a couple of blocks from here.

_LATER THAT NIGHT. SCENES of PENHALL and HOFF'S date, which includes them smiling flirtatiously at each other, laughing, holding hands, and kissing. IOKI packing things into a small suitcase at HIS HOUSE. LAMPTON, HANSON, HOLLY ADLER, GREG HOWARDS, and FULLER all drinking happily together at a bar. They laugh, smile, and talk excitedly. "I Get by with a Little Help from my Friends" by the Beatles plays in the background. _

_HOFFS and PENHALL'S date ends with PENHALL and HOFFS enters HOFFS' HOME. At the BAR, HOLLY ADLER leaves first, then FULLER, then GREG HOWARDS until it's just HANSON and LAMPTON sitting together at the bar. They smile at each other. _

_THE NEXT MORNING. LAMPTON wakes up. She is laying in her bed, the camera is tight on her face. The camera pans out to reveal that she is not alone. A arm is draped around her waist. LAMPTON closes her eyes, and the night before flashes before her eyes. HER, HANSON, FULLER, GREG HOWARDS, and HOLLY ADLER at the BAR. HER and HANSON at the BAR hanging and laughing. HER and HANSON kissing at the BAR. HER and HANSON kissing and falling into her bed together. Her eyes shoot open._

LAMPTON: Hanson?

_(HANSON wakes up)_

HANSON: Hey _(he removes his arm from around her waist) _What happened last night?

LAMPTON: Well, I'm thinkin the deed, but to be honest with you, I'm not positive

HANSON: Are you

_(The phone rings, LAMPTON reaches over to the phone on her dresser and answers it)_

LAMPTON; Hello?

CONDOR: _(On the phone) _Hey, babe, I hope I didn't wake you. But seeing as how you answered the phone, I'm guessing I didn't

LAMPTON: Hey, Eli

_(HANSON stiffens up and inches away from LAMPTON)_

CONDOR: _(On the phone) _I just, well, I just wanted to call to stay that I'm an idiot. I love you, Priss. And I trust you no matter what. I'm sorry. If you say that you and Hanson are just friends, then I have to believe you. Because I'm in love with you. There, I said it. I think that was twice, but it still doesn't change the fact that I said it.

LAMPTON: Eli

CONDOR: No, no, don't say anything. Yet, that is. I want you to think about this before you give me an answer. I know that you have to be careful because of Emma, and I'm sorry that I didn't understand your rules and tried to shamelessly break them.

LAMPTON: Eli

_(HANSON gets out of bed and begins putting his clothes back on)_

CONDOR: No, no. Just think about it. And meet me for lunch tomorrow, noon at our place. If you want to say it then, that'd be awesome. If not, that'll work too. Whatever you want. I'm not going anywhere.

_(CONDOR hangs up)_

LAMPTON Eli, wait! _(She puts down the phone, realizing that he hung up) _He hung up. I can't believe that just happened. He just apologized and told me that he loved me. That never happens. Not to me. _(Getting more and more emotional) _And here I've gone and screwed the whole thing up

_(HANSON rushes over to LAMPTON, and wraps her up in a hug, trying to sooth her and she continues to cry)_

HANSON: Shh, shh, it's okay, Priss. We don't have to tell anyone. We were drunk. You guys were in a fight. It doesn't count. We don't have to tell.

LAMPTON: I'm so sorry

HANSON: Don't be sorry. Everyone does stupid things when they're drunk. Don't be sorry. Everything is going to be okay. I promise.

_LATER. HANSON'S APARTMENT. HANSON enters looking dejected. He looks at his phone, and sees that he has a message. He hits play._

ANNIE'S VOICE: Hey, Tom, it's Annie. I guess you're still working on that case, but I thought I still might call and see if you were finished up with the case by Friday if you would be interested in going to see our local school's, also known as my employer's, production of _On the Town_. Thrilling, I know, but it looks good for us teachers to show up to these things, and if I do remember correctly, you still owe me big time from this weekend. So, whatda say, want to mercilessly mock a high school play with me? Give me call, babe. Bye.

ANSWERING MACHINE: End of messages.

_(HANSON breaks down)_

_END CREDITS._


	17. 9: The Elephant in the Room, part 1

**21 JUMPSTREET**

_**The Elephant in the Room**_

_LATE NIGHT. ELLIOT HIGH SCHOOL. MARK COHEN stands outside the school, leaning against a back wall smoking a cigarette. CHUCK EMERY passes and gives MARK a quick glance as he continues. MARK follows. CHUCK and MARK hop the fence, and MARK gives the special knock on the GYM DOOR. DEREK MATTHEWS answers._

CHUCK: _(With a smile) _Rosebud

DEREK: You're late

CHUCK: Fashionably

MARK: Wanted to come when everyone had loosened up a little

DEREK: _(Rolls eyes) _Welcome to fight club, gentlemen.

CHUCK: Happy to be here

_(CHUCK and MARK enter. DEREK looks around and closes the door behind them, locking it securely.)_

_OPENING CREDITS._

_JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. HOFFS and PENHALL are standing together talking at the coffee machine talking and laughing flirtatiously. IOKI exits FULLER'S OFFICE with FULLER. _

FULLER: I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother, Ioki

IOKI: Well she got diagnosed relativity early, and thankfully agreed to come to here to get treatment

FULLER: How long do you think it will take to move her here?

IOKI: I should be back by the end of the week, thanks again, Captain

_(IOKI and FULLER shake hands, and IOKI turns to exit. FULLER exits to his OFFICE. As IOKI begins walking towards the exit, HANSON enters from the right and LAMPTON from the left. They awkwardly try and avoid walking into each other)_

LAMPTON: _(Avoiding eye contact) _Sorry

HANSON: _(Avoiding eye contact) _Sorry, you first

_(HANSON allows LAMPTON to walk into the main part of the CHAPEL first, then follows quietly behind. IOKI passes them both as they enter. LAMPTON and HANSON walk silently to their respective desks, sit down, and dive into paperwork, refusing to look anywhere else.)_

PENHALL: _(Quietly, to HOFFS. He motions towards LAMPTON and HANSON) _What's up with that? I haven't seen Doogie so into his work since Lampton started here.

HOFFS: You said he's started dating a new girl, maybe Fido's finally gotten over our fair Juliet

PENHALL: Then why's she so into her work?

HOFFS: _(Goes to say something, but she realizes that she doesn't know. She closes her mouth, and sighs) _I don't know

PENHALL: Perhaps you would like to ask her?

HOFFS: What are you trying to pull?

PENHALL: When did you talk to her last?

HOFFS: Two weeks and one day

PENHALL: You got the hours down too?

HOFFS: I'm not that crazy

PENHALL: Jude

HOFFS: Five hours

PENHALL: And?

HOFFS: Twenty minutes

PENHALL: Good girl

HOFFS: She's my best friend

PENHALL: I'm choosing to ignore the fact that you're choosing Lampton to be your best friend over me, and say, why are you still fighting with her?

HOFFS: She started the fight, she can end it

PENHALL: Mature

HOFFS: Says the man who owns the entire Ninja Turtles movie trilogy

PENHALL: They're classics. Now grow up and talk to her.

HOFFS: She started it

PENHALL: Well, I guess she made the first move then. Now it's your turn.

HOFFS: She doesn't want to talk to me

PENHALL: Hey, Priss may be a lot of really great things, but that girl's so damn proud I don't think she'd apologize to a puppy for kicking it

HOFFS: _(Chuckles) _That's a little harsh, but I see your point

PENHALL: For the record, I don't think that Priss would kick a puppy, but I'm just sayin'

HOFFS: Oh, I'm tellin'

PENHALL: Meaning your gonna talk to her?

HOFFS: Well, somebody's gotta be the bigger person here

PENHALL: Good girl

HOFFS: For the record, I made this decision by myself. You didn't talk me into anything.

PENHALL: Sure thing, Jude. Now, go mend some bridges.

HOFFS: In a minute

PENHALL: Why?

HOFFS: I need to have something to say first

PENHALL: Judith

_(FULLER pops out of his OFFICE) _

FULLER: Penhall, Hanson, I've got a case for the two of you, come into my office

_(FULLER goes back into his OFFICE)_

PENHALL: I'm on my way, Captain _(to HOFFS) _Talk to her.

HOFFS: I will!

PENHALL: You heard the man, Hanson, up!

HANSON: Just let me finish this sentence

PENHALL: You really want to make Fuller wait?

HANSON: Good point, words will always exist, Fuller's patience, well, I don't know if it's ever existed

_(PENHALL walks into FULLER'S OFFICE. HANSON follows behind him slowly. He casually sneaks a look at LAMPTON, who is intently filling out her paperwork. He turns his attention back in front of him, as LAMPTON looks up quickly and watches as HANSON enters FULLER'S OFFICE. HOFFS watches all of this from her position at the COFFEE MACHINE. She watches LAMPTON for a moment, who seems to be growing more and more aggravated and depressed by the minute. Her expression softens.)_

HOFFS: Truce!

LAMPTON: _(She looks up to see HOFFS standing by the coffee machine nervously looking about, avoiding eye contact for extended periods of time) _What?

HOFFS: _(Sighs and grows more calm as she speaks) _I'd like to call a truce. I don't want to fight anymore. Well, I mean I guess we're not so much fighting as we are not talking, because fighting takes verbal expression, and we don't talk, and I miss it. So can we just call a truce?

LAMPTON: Dear God, yes

HOFFS: Oh thank-you

_(HOFFS runs over and hugs LAMPTON)_

LAMPTON: So, I vote we don't fight again

HOFFS: Hell yeah

LAMPTON: This has been a week. I mean, I really needed you in my corner this week.

HOFFS: I'm here now, what's wrong. I've never seen you this down before.

LAMPTON: Apparently you weren't around the day Disco Duck became a hit. I was disappointed with society, today I'm only disappointed in myself.

HOFFS: What happened?

LAMPTON: Okay, well, it's, well, I mean

HOFFS: Spill.

LAMPTON: _(Whispering) _I slept with Hanson last night

HOFFS: Oh, Priss

LAMPTON: Oh, just wait, you haven't heard the best part of the story yet. This was after me and Condor got into a huge fight because he thought that there was something between me and Hanson and didn't believe me when I said there wasn't. I mean, he was convinced that we had all these feelings for each other

HOFFS: Well

LAMPTON: That was before we got all drunk and, well y'know

HOFFS: So now?

LAMPTON: Oh, just wait, it gets better

HOFFS: _(Wincing) _Really?

LAMPTON: Condor called me this morning

HOFFS: While he was still there?

LAMPTON: He was in the bed next tome

HOFFS: Oh no, what happened?

LAMPTON: Eli told me he loved me.

HOFFS: Oh my god

LAMPTON: I haven't had a guy tell me that since I was sixteen. I mean, Condor's the first guy that I've seriously dated since I was sixteen.

HOFFS: Did you tell him?

LAMPTON: He wouldn't let me talk. Wanted me to think over my answer. I'm supposed to be meet him for lunch, no pressure, I can say it if I want, but I don't have to.

HOFFS: Jesus

LAMPTON: I think the highlight of the conversation, was when he apologized for not believing me and if I said that I didn't have feelings for Hanson, he'd believe me

HOFFS: Are you gonna tell him?

LAMPTON: That's the worst part, I don't know if I want to. I mean, we were in a fighting, but at the same time, I know that's not an excuse

HOFFS: And Hanson?

LAMPTON: Is willing to pretend the whole thing never happened. It was actually his idea.

HOFFS: Well I can see why

LAMPTON: Really? Cause in a fight between Hanson and Condor, I kinda see Hanson wining. He's scrappier.

HOFFS: Never mind, not what I meant, but never mind. We're getting off track.

LAMPTON: Yes, yes, let's continue to discuss how much I've screwed everything up for everyone. Again. Really, I've gotta start making good on some things or I'm coming back as a toilet. And not even a good one like in some posh mansion in Beverly Hills. I mean, a crappy pot-a-potty in the middle of god knows where on some god forsaken construction site.

HOFFS: How do you feel about him? Hanson, I mean.

LAMPTON: I don't know. That's where you're supposed to come in. I mean, what are best girlfriends for if not to tell their counterpart what to do and how to feel about their respective boys?

HOFFS: Well, clearly we'd be useless

LAMPTON: Clearly

HOFFS: All joking aside, you know I can't tell you what to feel. I'm here to listen and give you whatever advice you may want, but in the end, you have to decide things for yourself

LAMPTON: I know

HOFFS: And I know that you'll figure out the right thing to do. Hanson and Condor are both good guys. You can't lose with either.

LAMPTON: That's the problem

HOFFS: Let's face it, you could do worse

LAMPTON: Like sleeping with my good friend and coworker while apparently seriously involved with another man?

HOFFS: For starters

LAMPTON: I just don't know what to do. I've never had this feeling before. Even when I found out I was pregnant with Emma, I just knew. And when the opportunity came up for this job, I knew exactly what I wanted. I don't even have problems deciding what I want to eat when I go to restaurants, other people spend hours mulling over their decision and I just have this gut feeling that tells me exactly what I want!

HOFFS: This is a bit more complicated than picking out what you want to eat.

LAMPTON: I know, and that sucks, because those decisions are easy

HOFFS: Well, do you love Condor?

LAMPTON: I donno

HOFFS: Have you given it any thought?

LAMPTON: _(Growing more upset) _I can't. Because when I think about that, I remember waking up this morning and his phone call, and I remember having Hanson next to me, and Hanson kissing me, and then I think of Condor who has done nothing but love me for all of my insanity and I just, I can't. I just can't.

HOFFS: _(Pulls LAMPTON into a hug) _You'll figure it out, sweetie. You always do. Something will happen, and you'll just know.

LAMPTON: Well, now I feel selfish, we were apart for over two weeks, you must have something to tell me

HOFFS: _(Pauses and thinks about telling LAMPTON about PENHALL. She looks at LAMPTON, who still looks visibly upset. She shrugs) _No, nothing.

LAMPTON: Ah, really? I was really looking forward to sharing my misery with someone. You know what they say, misery loves company.

HOFFS: Sorry to let you down

LAMPTON: So, to prevent further arguments, no more secrets? _(Holds out pinky)_

HOFFS: _(HOFFS and LAMPTON pinky shake) _No more secrets

_INSIDE FULLER'S OFFICE. HANSON and PENHALL sit in the chairs by FULLER'S desk going over a case file with FULLER, who sits behind his desk. HANSON looks out into the main part of the CHAPEL, where he sees LAMPTON and HOFFS sitting together, laughing and smiling. FULLER and PENHALL continue talking, but eventually notice HANSON'S distraction._

FULLER: Are we boring you, Hanson?

HANSON: Huh?

FULLER: I asked, are we boring you?

HANSON: Oh, no, sorry, I just, well, I just noticed that our favorite two girls are back together and apparently on very friendly terms

PENHALL: How friendly?

HANSON: Don't mean to get your hopes up there, bud, but it looks like just normal girl friendship like terms. No lesbian make-out potential

PENHALL: Damn

FULLER; That's great for them

PENHALL: Let's be honest now, Captain, it's awesome for all of us

FULLER: Okay, well, while that may be true, we need to focus on this case.

HANSON: So they actually have real-life fight clubs?

FULLER: Apparently

PENHALL: And we have to find it, join it, and stop it?

FULLER: Basically?

HANSON: Is fighting going to be included?

FULLER: To whatever extent doesn't get you killed or disability

PENHALL: Great

HANSON: Thanks, Captain

FULLER: Oh, and on a more personal note, Harry is taking the week off

PENHALL: Is there a problem?

FULLER: His grandmother's just been diagnosed with cancer, he says they caught it early, but he's gone to Vietnam to get her and bring her back to the states for treatment

HANSON: Oh, wow

PENHALL: Why didn't he tell us?

FULLER: I don't know, that was Harry's decision

HANSON: Harry's always been a personal guy. I mean, how long did it take for him to tell us that he was actually a Vietnamese refugee?

PENHALL: Yeah, I guess you're right.

FULLER: Do you guys mind telling the girls?

PENHALL: Yeah, no problem, Captain

FULLER: All right, now go and work on your left hook

_ELLIOT HIGH SCHOOL. CHUCK EMERY walks down the hallway with a black eye and his arm in a cast. He passes by MARK COHEN, who also has a black eye. They give each other a sly smile and a nod. DEREK MATTHEWS walks up next to CHUCK._

DEREK: The duck flies at midnight, gentlemen

CHUCK: Derek, dude, you have got to start coming up with better sayings

DEREK: The duck flies at midnight is perfectly acceptable

MARK: And suspicious

DEREK: And your black eye isn't, Mark?

MARK: I fell out a tree while rescuing a kitten

DEREK: And just how to did you get your injuries, Chuck?

CHUCK: Trying to catch him and the kitten

DEREK: Whatever, the duck flies at midnight

MARK: We got it

CHUCK: See you tonight, man

_JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. HANSON and PENHALL sit at the conference table going through the case file. HOFFS and LAMPTON sit on HOFFS' desk talking. CONDOR enters. HANSON tenses up, and LAMPTON smiles nervously at CONDOR. HANSON watches their interaction carefully._

HOFFS: You're on, girly.

_(CONDOR walks over and gives LAMPTON a peck on the cheek)_

CONDOR: Hey you

LAMPTON: Hey, just give me a second, I need to get my coat

_(LAMPTON exits)_

CONDOR: You and Priss on good terms again, Judy?

HOFFS: Yeah, we kissed and made up this morning

CONDOR: Good to hear. How's everyone?

HOFFS: Good, good, things are good.

CONDOR: Penhall and Hanson?

HANSON: _(Sarcastically and unwelcoming) _Fantastic

PENHALL: Don't mind him he's always cranky around lunchtime. He's used to taking a nap break around now, but we have to work today so he has to miss out.

CONDOR: Well I've got some Benadryl in my car if you want to knock him out for a couple of hours

PENHALL: You think we could slip it in his coffee without him noticing?

CONDOR: Well, probably not seeing as how we're plotting right in front of him

PENHALL: But that just might lure him into a false sense of security, making it easier to spike his coffee

CONDOR: I like your thinking

_(LAMPTON re-enters)_

LAMPTON: Dangerous words, babe

CONDOR: You ready?

LAMPTON: _(LAMPTON looks to HANSON, who is doing his best to look indifferent) _Yeah, let's go

_(CONDOR and LAMPTON exit)_

HANSON: Well somebody's got a man crush

PENHALL: What? I was just being nice

HANSON: Who's side are you on?

PENHALL: We're still picking sides?

HANSON: Well I thought you had already picked mine

PENHALL: Yeah, but I figured since you had a girlfriend now and all

HANSON: Whatda mean?

PENHALL: Come on, dude, this is about Priss, it's always been about her. You liked her and thought she liked you back, then she started dating Condor, but now you're with Annie so

HANSON: This has nothing to do with Priss

PENHALL: Then why am I picking sides?

HANSON: I just don't like the guy, okay?

PENHALL: But Priss likes him

HANSON: So?

PENHALL: Shouldn't we like him by default then, even if we don't?

HANSON: What?

PENHALL: Never mind. So things are good with you and Annie?

HANSON: Yeah, she wants to meet everyone. You up for a dinner party tonight?

PENHALL: Dude, short notice

HANSON: Home cooked meal you don't have to pay for

PENHALL: Should we say around seven-ish?

HANSON: Perfect, Jude can you make it?

HOFFS: Yeah, sure, I'd love to meet Annie, I've heard so much about her

HANSON: From who?

HOFFS: Your sidekick over there

_(HANSON gives PENHALL a look)_

PENHALL: What? I was spreading the good news around.

HANSON: Whatever, I'll go ask the captain

PENHALL: You want me to tell Lampton about this, or would you like to invite your non-lady love yourself to meet your actual-lady love? Perhaps hand her the note that asks her with the option of circling either yes, no, or maybe?

HANSON: Ah, no, no don't worry about it. I already asked her, and she's got some Emma thing tonight, so she can't come.

PENHALL: Why, Tommy, I'm offended you didn't ask me first

HANSON: I'll be sure to never make that mistake again, Doug.

_ELLIOT HIGH SCHOOL. CHUCK and MARK are in the MAIN OFFICE. The SECRETARY looks at them suspiciously, but doesn't say anything. They sit in silence for a moment until PRINCIPAL MATT EDDY walks out. _

PRINCIPAL EDDY: Boys, if you could come with me for a minute

_(CHUCK and MARK look at each other and smirk, then follow PRINCIPAL EDDY into his OFFICE.)_

PRINCIPAL EDDY: All right, boys, you must know why you're in here

CHUCK: Not a clue

MARK: I'm doing well in school

CHUCK: No problems with classmates or teachers

MARK: And the last time I checked, not being involved with any of the school activities wasn't against the rules, but if they've changed we'd be happy to go out for whatever team needs the most help

CHUCK: Well maybe not football. I've never be much for contact sports

MARK: Or wrestling, I'd feel uncomfortable being that close with another dude

CHUCK: And we don't really have rhythm, so cheerleading and dance teams are probably out

MARK: What about the golf team? I hear they have some open spots.

CHUCK: I could learn golf

MARK: We'll go out for the golf team, Principal Eddy. Thanks for the meeting, we see the error in our ways and intend to become decent, spirited members of the athletic community.

_(CHUCK and MARK go to stand up but PRINCIPAL EDDY clears his throat)_

PRINCIPAL EDDY: Not so fast, gentlemen. Your fast talking may have worked on the other faculty, but I didn't become principal by being easily mislead by my students

CHUCK: Misleading?

MARK: We never meant to mislead anyone

CHUCK: I'm hurt that you would even think that

MARK: All torn up inside

PRINCIPAL EDDY: Stop. My turn to talk, you're turn to listen. I know there's something going on with the boys in the school. Something about some kind of underground fight club. I don't know who exactly is the ringleaders of this, but it's pretty obvious who's involved

MARK: You mean us?

CHUCK: Oh my god, never

MARK: I can't believe he thinks we would ever do such a thing

CHUCK: Not in a million years

PRINCIPAL EDDY: So you're making black eyes?

CHUCK: Fluke. I fell down the stairs this weekend.

MARK: I pissed off a bouncer

CHUCK: Sorry about the confusion

MARK: Might we be going to class now, Principal Eddy? There's a test in chemistry today, and I'd really hate to miss it. You know the science department doesn't allow retakes.

CHUCK: And if we're going to go out for the golf team, we need to have good grades.

MARK: They don't let you play unless you have good grades

CHUCK: And we want to be contributing members of the team. Otherwise our teammates might feel as though we were letting them down

PRINCIPAL EDDY: I know something is going on. And I know you two hooligans are involved somehow, you may not be the ringleaders, but you know who is. But there's one more thing you should know. I'm watching you. I'll find out who's behind this and put an end to it. Go back to class.

_RESTURANT. LAMPTON and CONDOR are sitting looking at menus. _

CONDOR: So, did you give any thought to what I said to you this morning? Unless you don't want to talk about it, cause I'll totally awkwardly change the subject if you need me too.

LAMPTON: No, no, Eli, I've thought about it. I just _(pause) _it's not that I don't care about you. I care about you a lot. More than I've cared for any guy in a long time. But

CONDOR: Don't worry about it, Priss. I don't want you to say it unless you mean it. You don't have to explain that.

LAMPTON: Just let me talk, okay?

CONDOR: Okay

LAMPTON: Okay. _(She pauses and collects her thoughts) _ I can't just jump into things like this. I need more time to sit and think about how I feel, and how that's going to affect the life that I've created here. And I don't think that I can really commit to something like this until you know everything. And you can't know everything until I'm ready for you to know everything.

CONDOR: It's okay. I knew that this was going to be a complicated relationship when I got into it

LAMPTON: You have no idea

CONDOR: Whatda mean?

LAMPTON: It just takes me a awhile to open up to people, y'know? I've just been let down too many times to let my guard easy, okay?

CONDOR: Okay. When you're ready I'm here for you, babe, you know that.

LAMPTON: I know.

_(LAMPTON goes silent and looks through her menu, she doesn't seem her usual bubbly self. CONDOR notices)_

CONDOR: Hey, Priss, are you okay?

LAMPTON: What?

CONDOR: You've just seemed in a funk. And I would have figured now that you and Judy are back on good terms that you wouldn't be in a funk

LAMPTON: What makes you think I'm in a funk?

CONDOR: You were silent for over a minute. You always have something to say.

LAMPTON: Oh

CONDOR: Is everything okay?

LAMPTON: _(She looks upset) _Yeah, everything's great

CONDOR: I'd be more apt to believe that if you weren't about to cry

LAMPTON: It's nothing

CONDOR: Priss, why can't you just tell me what's bothering you? I love you. Nothing you say is going to change that.

LAMPTON: I know

CONDOR: Then tell me

LAMPTON: _(She pauses and thinks about telling him. She bites her lip hesitantly) _It's family stuff. I always get a little down during the holidays when I see all the families getting together. My family doesn't do that. _(Looks away quickly, feeling guilty over lying again. She pretends to scan the menu intently while CONDOR reacts.)_

CONDOR: Oh, wow, Priss. I'm sorry, I didn't even think about it. _(He pauses, a sly grins takes over his face) _You know you'd be welcome to celebrate with my family. And it can just be something between friends, if that's what you want Emma to believe. It's your call, I'll do whatever. But if you're ready, y'know, I'm ready too.

LAMPTON: Thanks, I'll have to think about that

CONDOR: My mom makes a mean ham

LAMPTON: I'd bet _(gives a weak smile) _Okay, you ready to order, cause I'm starving.


	18. 9: The Elephant in the Room, part 2

_LATER THAT NIGHT. HANSON'S APARTMENT. HANSON, PENHALL, HOFFS, and ANNIE are all sitting around a coffee table playing monopoly and HANSON and PENHALL drink beers while HOFFS and ANNIE drink glasses of wine. _

ANNIE: It's so great to finally meet some of Tom's friends, I've heard so much about all of you, but I haven't gotten around to actually meeting all of you!

HOFFS: Well our schedules are all pretty hectic

ANNIE: That I have noticed

HANSON: Ah, you know I'm worth the frustration

PENHALL: Well, I donno, he can be pretty cranky sometimes

HOFFS: Pretty? Don't you mean really cranky?

PENHALL: I think she's trying to be nice

HOFFS: Annie, sweetheart, you don't have to bother being nice. He's hooked.

HANSON: Thanks, Jude. This is like having a dinner party with my mother, but instead of just knowing embarrassing stories from my childhood, you guys know everything that doesn't have the excuse of being five.

HOFFS: I know, it's great right

HANSON: I'm so getting both of you back sooner or later

ANNIE: Ah, come on, Tom, what are friends for if not to shameless embarrass you in front of your significant others

PENHALL: Amen

HANSON: Your time is coming, Doug. You can't stay single forever.

PENHALL: Yeah, ticking time-bomb

ANNIE: Hey, weren't there supposed to be two other people here? Harry and Priss?

HANSON: Yeah, well Harry's in Vietnam, and

HOFFS: Wait, Harry's in Vietnam! When did Harry go to Vietnam? Why's he in Vietnam? He's coming back right?

HANSON: Dude, you were supposed to tell her

PENHALL: Sorry, forgot I had other things on my mind, like taking down a teen fight club without actually having to fight, because I really can't afford to have anything broken right now

HOFFS: You didn't tell me

HANSON: Did you at least tell Priss?

PENHALL: Oops

HANSON: Penhall

PENHALL: Well, you could have told them! Fuller left it up to both of us! Both meaning me and you!

HANSON: I was busy with paperwork, and you said that you could handle it

HOFFS: Let's focus here, people. Harry is in Vietnam. Why?

PENHALL: His grandmother has cancer, Harry's gone to pick her up and bring her here for treatment

HOFFS: Oh, no, poor Harry

ANNIE: It's a shame they couldn't be here, I really wanted to meet everyone.

HANSON: Yeah, well, Harry's got his thing and Priss had some sort of Emma thing tonight so she couldn't make it. Their loss, you guys ready to eat?

PENHALL: God yes _(HOFFS nudges him) _I mean, yes, that would be quite lovely, thank-you, Thomas and Annie for inviting us for what I'm sure will be a lovely meal

HANSON: Dude, that was a little overkill. But I appreciate the effort.

_THE NEXT DAY. ELLIOT HIGH SCHOOL. HANSON and PENHALL sit in the PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE next to DEREK MATTHEWS._

HANSON: This is totally your fault, man

PENHALL: My fault? You hit me first

HANSON: Yeah, but you threw the first verbal punch.

PENHALL: Verbal punch? Dude.

HANSON: What?

PENHALL: Dude

HANSON: What?

PENHALL: Dude!

HANSON: What!

DEREK: Dear God, don't say 'dude' again

PENHALL: What's your problem?

HANSON: Yeah, seriously, man, we're trying to have a private conversation here

PENHALL: Seriously

HANSON: I know, people today, huh?

PENHALL: No respect, can't get no respect

HANSON: Whatda think pops is gonna say when he finds out we got in trouble on our first day

PENHALL: Probably the same thing he always says _(in a low, gruff voice) _What the hell were you two nuckleheads thinking?

HANSON: As he pops open his tenth beer and attempts a left hook

PENHALL: And he wonders where we get our aggression issues from

HANSON: Parents today

PENHALL: No kiddin'

DEREK: I think I might have some information that might interest the two of you

PENHALL: And what makes you think we give a damn about what you know?

DEREK: That attitude right there

HANSON: What attitude? You got a problem?

SECRETARY: Derek Matthews you can head on back now

DEREK: _(Hands HANSON a card and chuckles) _Just follow the card _(DEREK exits)_

PENHALL: What is he a fortune cookie?

HANSON: _(Whispering) _More like a prime suspect

SECRETARY: Tommy and Doug

PENHALL: Yo

SECRETARY: They're ready for you, you two can head on back

_LATER. HANSON'S APARTMENT. HANSON and ANNIE are sitting on the couch together. ANNIE'S head is in HANSON'S lap. ANNIE reads a book while HANSON holds up the newspaper, but is too unfocused to read. ANNIE notices that something is wrong. _

ANNIE: Penny for your thoughts?

HANSON: Huh?

ANNIE: You seem off. Is something bothering you?

HANSON: Oh, really?

ANNIE: Well you've been reading that same page for the past hour.

HANSON: I could just be a slow reader

ANNIE: So you're holding the newspaper upside down because?

HANSON: I like a challenge?

ANNIE: Tom, what's wrong? I'm all ears.

HANSON: It's nothing, really

ANNIE: Just a bad case?

HANSON: Yeah, bad case.

ANNIE: And nothing to do with a certain female officer who was not able to attend our dinner party for vague reasons?

HANSON: What?

ANNIE: I noticed you tense up when we mentioned Priss the other night. I mean, I know you two are really good friends, I mean she's the female lead in almost all of your stories. And you haven't mentioned her in a week. You two having a fight or something?

HANSON: I can't get anything past you, can I Ann?

ANNIE: I'm a pretty smart cookie. You're lucky to have me.

HANSON: Yeah, well, things have been off between me and Priss recently.

ANNIE: Can I ask why?

HANSON: We _(pauses looking for the right lie) _had a fight. A stupid one, but things got pretty heated. We both said things that we didn't mean, and I figure everything will work itself out eventually.

ANNIE: You know that's not gonna happen. You can't just blink your eyes and pretend something like that didn't happen.

HANSON: Huh

ANNIE: And not talking about it isn't going to make things any less awkward. In fact, it's probably going to make things worse. Not just for you two, either, but for everyone.

HANSON: So you're saying I should just talk to her about it? The fight, that is.

ANNIE: Yeah, of course.

HANSON: Okay, thanks

ANNIE: No problem, babe

_LATER THAT NIGHT. HANSON and PENHALL walk across the deserted parking lot at ELLIOT HIGH SCHOOL. They walk past the school and repeat the same special knock that MARK gave in the beginning of the episode on the gym door. DEREK MATTHEWS ANSWERS._

DEREK: Tommy and Doug. Kicked out of your past three schools for fighting, in and out of foster care, and your file has several notes attached to it about your poor attitudes. I'm glad you two could make it.

HANSON: I see someone has sticky fingers around the student files

DEREK: I can't help myself. I'm a product of my environment.

PENHALL: Can we come in?

DEREK: Not without the password

PENHALL: You serious?

DEREK: It's on the card

PENHALL: You just have directions here and the knock and a stupid picture of a rose, there's nothing on here about a password

DEREK: I can't let you two in without it. Club rules.

HANSON: What the hell kind of club is this anyways? Horticultural?

DEREK: No, the rose has nothing to do with the nature of the club

HANSON: Then it has to do with the password

PENHALL: Is it rose?

DEREK: Think slightly more cinematic.

HANSON: What?

PENHALL: Rosebud

HANSON: What?

PEHALL: It's from _Citizen Kane_

DEREK: _(Opens the door all of the way) _Welcome to Fight Club, gentlemen

_(HANSON and PENHALL exchange looks and enter into the GYM. A large group of male students, including CHUCK EMERY and MARK COHEN, stand around in a circle watching as two male students fight in the center of the ring. They cheer on the fight, and ignore the entrance of HANSON and PENHALL)_

DEREK: Join the circle. This fight's almost over, and you should know that you're going to have to fight tonight. Club rules. Oh, and Chuck's _(motions towards CHUCK EMERY) _taking bets tonight. And don't really pay attention to the odds, Chuck's trashed so they're probably not gonna much sense tonight. Oh, oh, and if you want beer there's a keg in the corner. _(Motions to MARK) _Mark's sellin' cups, don't expect to get a freebie cause it's you're first night here in a new town, didn't know the rules, blah, blah. It's bullshit, and we don't do bullshit at fight club. Any questions?

PENHALL: I don't think you really left room for any

DEREK: Good. Enjoy gentlemen.

_(DEREK walks over and joins the ring)_

PENHALL: Dorothy, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore

HANSON: Let's fight each other, and make it look good. I don't want anything messing with this case.

PENHALL: Good point. Who should win?

HANSON: Dibs

PENHALL: Dammit, not fair

HANSON: Should have thought to call it

_(HANSON goes to join the circle, PENHALL trails after)_

PENHALL: _(Whispering to HANSON) _Rock, paper, scissors?

HANSON: Should have called it

_THE NEXT MORNING. HANSON enters first sporting an eye patch and PENHALL follows behind him begging for his forgiveness. LAMPTON, HOFFS, and FULLER are sitting at the conference table sharing the newspaper and drinking coffee._

PENHALL: Look, I'm really sorry man, I didn't mean, I mean I shouldn't have hit so

HANSON: So hard that it caused actual retinal damage?

PENHALL: I was gonna say accurately, but probably that too. I mean all things considered.

HANSON: It was only supposed to look real, Penhall! Look! Not actually be!

PENHALL: I was caught up in the moment. You know how competitive I can be

HANSON: You hit me

PENHALL: It was a fist fight!

HANSON: A fake one!

PENHALL: Well, well, you should have ducked!

HANSON: Ducked! I was too busy trying to stop the world from spinning from your last barrage of hits!

PENHALL: Well you tripped me so that I fell into that wall and nearly broke my nose!

HANSON: Yeah, nearly!

PENHALL: Then you hit me in the nose

HANSON: _(Mockingly) _Well, what can I say? I was caught up in the moment.

HOFFS: _(to L AMPTON and FULLER) _Do you think we should separate them before they start hitting?

LAMPTON: Eh, we've probably got a couple more insults left before they start actually hitting

HOFFS: You think they'd hit me if I got in the middle?

LAMPTON: Not on purpose, but I wouldn't discount the accidental with those two buffoons

FULLER: She's got a point there

HOFFS: Then what should we do?

LAMPTON: Captain, yell, there's nothing like your boss yelling at you to scare someone stiff

FULLER: _(to HANSON and PENHALL) _Hanson! Penhall! Stop it!

HANSON: Sorry, Captain

PENHALL: He started it

HANSON: I have an eye patch. An eye patch, Penhall!

PENHALL: Yeah, real sorry about that, again

HOFFS: What's with the eye patch anyways, Hanson?

HANSON: Your boyfriend hit me

HOFFS and PENHALL: _(Quickly and defensively) _We're not together!

HANSON: Jeez, I know, I was just kidding like we always do

HOFFS: I know, I was just making sure that you knew. Don't want any rumors floating around, making people think things are true that aren't true

PENHALL: Yeah, what she said

FULER: May I ask how the case's going, or should Hanson's eye injury be sufficient?

HANSON: We found the fight club

FULLER: Imagine that

PENHALL: We fought each other

FULLER: Never would have guessed

HANSON: Penhall took it too far

PENHALL: Did not

HANSON: Did too

PENHALL: Whatever

FULLER: You work out who's behind it all?

HANSON: Hopefully, I mean a guy gave us a card with instructions on how to find the club on it, but I'm pretty sure this is a multiple man operation

FULLER: Just get to the bottom of the case before someone gets seriously hurt

_(FULLER stands up and exits. PENHALL walks over and takes a seat next to HOFFS at the CONFERENCE TABLE and begin talking quietly to each other. HANSON looks at LAMPTON, who is looking at HOFFS and PENHALL. When she senses that HOFFS and PENHALL are having a private conversation she looks back up, catching HANSON'S eye. They hold eye contact for a moment, before LAMPTON coughs and returns back to filling out paperwork. HANSON watches her a little longer, a sadness taking over him, then quietly goes to his desk and begins fiddling with things.)_

PENHALL: Hanson, you about ready?

HANSON: Huh?

PENHALL: School, we've got to get to school

HANSON: Right

_(HANSON stands up and grabs a backpack of books)_

PENHALL: You okay man?

HANSON: I look like a pirate.

PENHALL: Technically you need a peg leg and a parrot to really be a pirate, but an eye patch is a pretty good start

HANSON: Whatever, dude. Next time, I'm punching you in your left arm

PENHALL: No fair! You know that's my weak arm!

_(HANSON and PENHALL exit)_

HOFFS: Well that was awkward

LAMPTON: You felt it too?

HOFFS: You gonna talk to him?

LAMPTON: I was kinda hoping everything would just work itself out in time. Y'know, give a week, or a decade. Eventually, things will get back to normal.

HOFFS: At this point, it's looking like that's not gonna happen until one of you is on your deathbed

LAMPTON: Eh

HOFFS: Talk to him

LAMPTON: I don't wanna

HOFFS: Priscilla

LAMPTON: Ah, don't use my full name. You know I hate when people use my full name.

HOFFS: I'm going to keep calling you Priscilla until you talk to him

LAMPTON: You're gonna annoy me into it? Well, I would just like to inform you that I am not budging. You think you've seen stubborn, well, baby, I'm about to redefine stubborn with how long I'm about to hold out on budging into your demands.

HOFFS: Whatever you say, Priscilla Marie.

LAMPTON: God, no one but my mother uses my full name, which begs the question how did you know my full name?

HOFFS: I'm smart like that, Priscilla Marie.

LAMPTON: Fine! I'll talk to him, Judith I don't know you're middle name!

HOFFS: Thank-you

LAMPTON: Well, you're not welcome

HOFFS: I'm gonna just go on ahead and pretend I am

_LATER. HANSON and PENHALL are sitting in CLASS with CHUCK EMREY and MARK COHEN. A TEACHER talks in the background about history. CHUCK passes PENHALL a note while the TEACHER turns his back to write on the board. PENHALL opens and reads the note._

HANSON: What does it say?

PENHALL: Just wants to know how we found out about the club?

HANSON: You think those guys are the heads?

PENHALL: Donno

_(PENHALL writes something and tosses the note back. CHUCK reads the note and gives a sly nod to PENHALL and HANSON.)_

HANSON: Apparently they're cool with Derek letting us in the loop

PENHALL: Perhaps because he started this little club?

HANSON: Perhaps

_LATER. JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. LAMPTON is sitting at her desk finishing up the last of her paperwork. She is the only one in the chapel. She goes to turn off her light as HANSON enters. They pause for a minute and look at each other, then both start talking at the same time._

HANSON: Priss, I

LAMPTON: Look, Tom

HANSON: Oh, sorry, you go

LAMPTON: No, no, you go

HANSON: It's okay, you can just go. Mine's probably not as important.

LAMPTON: What makes you think mine's more important?

HANSON: I donno. It's just cause, I guess, you were saying it, so, I just kinda assumed that

LAMPTON: _(Chuckles slightly) _Nice try, Hanson, but I think it's a lost cause

HANSON: Yeah, I don't really think I had much of a chance

LAMPTON: So

HANSON: Yeah _(pause) _Should we talk?

LAMPTON: About the five hundred pound elephant in the room?

HANSON: Basically, yeah

LAMPTON: Probably

HANSON: What can we do to make this not awkward?

LAMPTON: Well I think not talking about it is making it more awkward.

HANSON: I know, it's just, I never wanted for that to happen the way that it did. And now that it has, and the circumstances of it all, I mean you being with Condor and the seriousness of that relationship

LAMPTON: Wait, what do you mean you never wanted for that to happen the way that it did? Did you want for something like that to happen? Just in a different way?

_(HOFFS and PENHALL enter talking loudly)_

HOFFS: Mickey Mouse could totally take down Bugs Bunny. There's no competition!

PENHALL: No competition? No competition! Are you kidding me?

HOFFS: No, Mickey is way scrappier!

PENHALL: But Bugs successfully eluded Elmer Fudd and every other hunter that wanted to catch him to make wabbit soup!

_(HOFFS and PENHALL notice LAMPTON and HANSON)_

HOFFS: Oh, sorry, hey were we interrupting something?

LAMPTON: No, nothing. We were just talking over an old case.

HANSON: Yeah, an old case

PENHALL: Well, let's get your guys' opinions on this—who would win in a fight, Bugs Bunny or Mickey Mouse?

_ELLIOT HIGH SCHOOL. CHUCK EMERY and DEREK MATTHEWS are standing by MARK COHEN'S LOCKER as MARK pulls out books and putting them into his backpack. _

MARK COHEN: So, what's the deal with the two new guys you brought, Derek?

CHUCK EMERY: Yeah, did you even check them out first?

DEREK MATTHEWS: Whatda mean? They're cool.

MARK COHEN: I donno, man, I've got a funky feeling from them. And we've been pulling this for a while and barely getting away with it. I know the administration suspects us.

CHUCK EMERY: Yeah, and you keep hearing about all those cases at schools where cops pose as students to bust other students

DEREK MATTHEWS: You think Tommy and Doug are cops? Seriously? Did you get hit in the head or something?

CHUCK EMERY: Actually, yeah, you did it, if I recall

DEREK MATTHEWS: Shut up, y'know what I mean

MARK COHEN: We're just sayin', stop bringing random guys without having us check them out first. You know this is as much our baby as it is yours.

CHUCK EMERY: And I'd sure hate to close it down. I mean fighting is fun, but when we started taking bets, it became damn right lucrative.

DEREK MATTHEWS: Whatever. Are you saying that you wanna check out Tommy and Doug? Follow 'em around a bit or something to make sure they don't run off to some random police station in the city in between classes?

MARK COHEN: I wouldn't be against it.

CHUCK EMERY: In fact, I'd be for it

MARK COHEN: I'm with Chuck, I was just trying to be nice the first time

DEREK MATTHEWS: Whatever, let's go find 'em and follow them around a bit. But I have to be home for by six. My Ma's getting on my case about not being around for dinner on school nights recently.

CHUCK EMERY: Mama's boy

DEREK MATTHEWS: Shut up, dude

_(HANSON and PENHALL walk past them towards the exit.)_

MARK COHEN: Hey look there they are. Are we doing this?

CHUCK EMERY: Duh

_(MARK COHEN, DEREK MATTHEWS, and CHUCK EMERY follow HANSON and PENHALL outside of the school. HANSON and PENHALL get into HANSON'S CAR and drive off)_

MARK COHEN: Dammit Chuck where's your car!

CHUCK EMERY: In the repair shop

DEREK MATTHEWS: You two really thought this out

CHUCK EMERY and MARK COHEN: Shut up

DEREK MATTHEWS: You're just upset your crack scheme didn't work out

MARK COHEN: I still don't trust those guys

CHUCK EMERY: Agreed

DEREK MATTHEWS: They're cool, I promise. I mean, do you seriously think that they look like cops? I mean they look sixteen, act sixteen, and above all else, are sixteen.

_SAME TIME. HANSON and PENHALL are sitting in HANSON'S CAR driving away. PENHALL is holding the student files of CHUCK EMERY, DEREK MATTHEWS, and MARK COHEN in his lap._

PENHALL: Well that's the first time we've had to do that

HANSON: I think he thought we were kidding at first

PENHALL: Well it does sound a little odd. Hi, Principal Eddy, my name's not really Doug Perry, it's actually Doug Penhall, as in officer Doug Penhall.

HANSON: I think we had to do it, though. It's gonna cut this case time in half now that we know Principal Eddy has already suspected Chuck, Derek, and Mark of being the ringleaders of the fight club for a couple of weeks now.

PENHALL: Yeah, and he's complied a crap ton of information for us too

HANSON: Defitionally a good decision

PENHALL: Dibs on only reading one

HANSON: Eye patch

PENHALL: Fine, I read two and you can read one.

HANSON: Good Penhall

_LATER. ELLIOT HIGH SCHOOL. HANSON and PENHALL walk up to the gym, where MARK COHEN, CHUCK EMERY, and DEREK MATTHEWS stand outside waiting for them._

HANSON: _(to PENHALL) _What's this?

PENHALL: _(to HANSON) _High noon at Elliot?

DEREK MATTHEWS: Hey Tommy, hey Doug

HANSON: Hey Derek, what's up?

PENHALL: Yeah, what's going on?

DEREK MATTHEWS: Oh nothing, Mark and Chuck are just easily spooked

MARK COHEN: I can't help it, we have to protect our baby

HANSON: So, you guys are the ones that started the fight club?

CHUCK EMERY: Yeah, well it just started out as us beating the crap out of each other, but the gambling thing is where we made it to the big time

DEREK MATTHEWS: That was all my idea, by the way. Without me, these guys would still be just beating the crap out of each other on a weekly basis.

PENHALL: You do realize that gambling is illegal, right?

DEREK MATTHEWS: What are you, my mom? Of course I realize, that's why we have to be careful who we let in.

HANSON: You might want to re-evaluate that screening process, fellas

_(HANSON and PENHALL flash their badges)_

MARK COHEN: Ah, man

CHUCK EMERY: You kiddin' me

PENHALL: Not so much

_THE NEXT NIGHT. JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. HANSON and PENHALL finish up their paperwork, and place the completed forms into a folder and push it underneath FULLER'S DOOR. LAMPTON is sitting at her desk working in the background. She stands up and exits as HANSON and PENHALL begin to talk. _

HANSON: That was easy

PENHALL: No kidding, I would have thought we would have had to go through a couple more fights at least

HANSON: I don't know if my face could have handled a couple of more fights.

PENHALL: That's true, you do just skate by on your good looks

HANSON: Whatever, man, I'm gonna go change and get ready for dinner tonight.

PENHALL: Another date with Annie? Things are starting to get pretty serious between you guys, aren't they/

HANSON: Eh, I donno. I mean, I like her and I want to spend more time with her. But I donno.

PENHALL: Dude, from what little experience I have in serious relationships, I've learned that women tend to get mad at you after a certain amount of time if you're not ready to put all of your eggs in one basket. You get what I'm saying?

HANSON: Yeah, I know, it's not like there's anyone else, I just like to be sure of things before we start giving them titles.

PENHALL: You sure there's no one else?

_(LAMPTON re-enters, holding a couple of more files in her hand. She catches HANSON'S eye briefly, then he turns his attention back to PENHALL.)_

HANSON: No, no one

PENHALL: Then what's the big problem?

HANSON: I donno

PENHALL: Well you better figure it out, bud

HANSON: Thanks man

PENHALL: No problem

_(HANSON exits to change his clothes.)_

PENHALL: _(to LAMPTON) _Try not to stay too late, girly

LAMPTON: And you don't stay out too late

PENHALL: Thanks, see ya tomorrow

LAMPTON: Not so much, tomorrow's my day off

PENHALL: Well then, I'll see you when I see you

LAMPTON: Right back at ya

_(PENHALL exits. LAMPTON finishes writing something, then closes the folder. She looks up as ANNIE enters.)_

LAMPTON: Can I help you with something, m'am?

ANNIE: Oh, jeez, I'm just looking for Tom. I guess he's late again, he's really good at being late.

LAMPTON: Oh

ANNIE: We haven't met yet, have we? I'm Annie, Tom's girlfriend. You must be Priss, right? You were the only one that couldn't make it to the dinner party.

LAMPTON: _(Thrown off guard) _Oh, right, sorry about that.

ANNIE: Oh, it's no problem. Tom told me that you had something to do for your daughter that night. _(Motioning towards one of the many pictures of EMMA on LAMPTON'S DESK) _Is this her? She's adorable!

LAMPTON: Oh, thank-you. I'll be sure to tell her, she loves gratuitous praise almost as much as I do.

ANNIE: _(Laughs) _Oh, that's great. Tom told me you were funny.

LAMPTON: _(Chuckling) _What's there to laugh about, we celebrate vanity in the Lampton household. Modesty is for the weak. We're awesome and we know it.

ANNIE: So what's her name?

LAMPTON: Emma, Emma Wren Lampton.

ANNIE: Aw, pretty

LAMPTON: Thanks. _(They pause in an awkward silence) _So, Tom should be down any minute. He was just here, he probably just went to change to something. He's like a girl that way, he has to primp. I mean, I should know, I was his fake wife there for a little while

ANNIE: What?

_(HANSON enters)_

HANSON: _(Surprised) _Annie _(He walks over to her and gives her a kiss on top of the head) _Sorry, I'm late how long have you been here?

ANNIE: Oh, not long, I was just talking with Priss

LAMPTON: Yeah, it was great to get to meet your girlfriend. Face to face, that is. I mean, I've heard so much about her from you I feel like I already know her

ANNIE: Yeah, she was just telling me that she was your fake wife. I thought you said there wasn't a fake wife.

HANSON: Different case

LAMPTON: So you two crazy kids have fun tonight. Don't let the mom keep you!

HANSON: Priss

LAMPTON: No, no, I'm sure you guys have reservations or a movie time to make or something. Don't let me keep you! Go, go, go!

HANSON: Okay, see you

ANNIE: Bye, it was nice meeting you!

LAMPTON: You too!

_(HANSON and ANNIE exit. LAMPTON watches them as they leave, then sits back down at her desk and begins to cry.)_


	19. 10: Coworkers, part 1

**21 JUMPSTREET**

_**Coworkers**_

_RIVERDALE HIGH SCHOOL. ADAM BOONE sits in the COMPUTER LAB finishing up a paper. He finishes his last couple of sentences, saves the file to a floppy disk, removes the disk, then shuts down the computer. He stands up and stretches, then exits for the night, turning off the lights and shutting the door behind him. The door locks as it shuts. He walks down the hallway and to his locker. _

_Back at the COMPUTER LAB, a HAND is seen picking the lock, and slowly creaking open the door._

_Back at ADAM BOONE'S LOCKER, ADAM puts his last book into his bag, then shuts his LOCKER. As he shuts the locker door an alarm sounds. _

_MICHAEL RUDD rushes down the hallway towards ADAM BOONE._

ADAM: Mr. Rudd, what's going on?

MICHAEL RUDD: Stay there, Adam. Don't move. We've had another break in.

_(MICHAEL RUDD rushes down the hallway to the COMPUTER LAB, but to no avail. The computer that ADAM BOONE was just using is gone.)_

MICHAEL RUDD: Dammit!

_OPENING CREDITS._

_THE NEXT MORNING. AIRPORT. IOKI wheels his GRANDMOTHER through the GATE to find PENHALL, HOFFS, LAMPTON, HANSON, and FULLER outside in the WAITING AREA waiting for him. He smiles broadly as he sees them. HOFFS walks up to IOKI'S GRANDMOTHER and gives her a bouquet of flowers. _

HOFFS: Welcome

_(IOKI'S GRANDMOTHER gives a thankful nod and expects the flowers.)_

IOKI: You guys didn't have to show up

PENHALL: We know, we just thought that we should.

HANSON: For here for you, man. You shouldn't have to hide stuff like this from us.

IOKI: I won't make that mistake again

LAMPTON: _(With a playfully smile) _Good, cause we don't tolerate mistakes

_SAME TIME. POLICE STATION. MICHAEL RUDD is filling out a police report in the front lobby. CONDOR enters sipping a cup of coffee and wearing his uniform. MICHAEL RUDD notices him and flags him down._

MICHAEL RUDD: Excuse me, are you an officer here?

CONDOR: Yes I am, can I help you with something, sir?

MICHAEL RUDD: My name's Michael Rudd, I'm a teacher down at Riverdale High School.

CONDOR: Okay

MICHAEL RUDD: We've had a series of thefts over the past month, this is about the fifth police report I've filed with you guys and I'm just wondering if there was something more that could be done. I mean Riverdale isn't exactly finically blessed, it was a miracle we got those PC's as it is, but now they're being stolen almost on a regular basis and I feel like you guys aren't doing squat

CONDOR: Riverdale High School, huh?

MICHAEL RUDD: Yes, sir

CONDOR: Come on back with me, I can put you in contact with some people that might be able to help

MICHAEL RUDD: Thank-you

CONDOR: No problem. You heard of the Jump Street program?

MICHAEL RUDD: Is that the one the news programs are always talking about? The one where cops pose as students to uncover the crimes?

CONDOR: That's the one

MICHAEL RUDD: You think they'd take a case like this? I mean, it's just computer thefts. It's not like the students have been threatened or anything.

CONDOR: Of course, Mr. Rudd. That's their job. So what do you think? Would you like to contact Jump Street for help?

MICHAEL RUDD: I think I asked the right officer for help.

CONDOR: Come on back, Mr. Rudd

MICHAEL RUDD: Please, call me Michael

CONDOR: All right, Michael, I'm Eli Condor.

_LATER. JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. CONDOR and MICHAEL RUDD walk into the CHAPEL. Things are business as usual at the chapel, and HANSON, PENHALL, LAMPTON, HOFFS, and IOKI are all busy at work along with the other OFFICERS in the CHAPEL. _

_There is still a noticeable tension between HANSON and LAMPTON, who keep to opposite sides of the CHAPEL. They sneak looks at each other, but neither manages to catch the other's eye. HOFFS and PENHALL stick close to each other, giving each other flirty glances, however the other OFFICERS are too caught up in their own lives to notice. IOKI seems the most distant, constantly looking to his phone, waiting for the HOSPTIAL to call about his GRANDMOTHER._

"_BLOWFISH" whistles as he mops the floor, inspiring PENHALL, then HOFFS, then LAMPTON, then IOKI, and finally HANSON to begin whistling along._

MICHAEL RUDD: Is this normal?

CONDOR: It's Jump Street. Things are run a bit differently around here.

_(FULLER exits his OFFICE, completely unfazed by the unison whistling of his OFFICERS and walks over to CONDOR and MICHAEL RUDD)_

FULLER: You must be Mr. Rudd, I'm Captain Fuller, I spoke on the phone with Officer Condor

_(At the mention of CONDOR'S name both HANSON and LAMPTON'S heads shoot up and they immediately stop whistling) _

LAMPTON: Eli, I didn't know you were coming down here

CONDOR: Neither did I until about fifteen, twenty minutes ago

FULLER: If you want to come back to my office, Mr. Rudd, we can talk over the details of the case.

_(MICHAEL RUDD and FULLER exit to FULLER'S OFFICE.)_

CONDOR: So where've you been hidin' out, Priss? I haven't seen you in a while.

"BLOWFISH": Say, is that Danny Bonaducci outside?

PENHALL: I don't know, Sal, but I think we should look. Who doesn't love a former Partridge? And by we, I mean all of us. This is clearly a group bonding activity.

_(PENHALL, HOFFS, IOKI, "BLOWFISH", and a reluctant HANSON all turn to leave)_

LAMPTON: What are you knukleheads doing?

"BLOWFISH": Going to see Danny Bonaducci, why you want an autograph or something, Priss?

LAMPTON: Stop it, I know Danny Bonaducci isn't outside. I don't need you guys running out of the room. There's nothing wrong between me and Eli. I've just been busy for awhile and haven't been able to see him.

CONDOR: Jesus, I thought you were about to break up with me for a second there and they were all in cahoots with it.

LAMPTON: I would feed them a better lie than Danny Bonaducci standing outside. Seriously, "Blowfish?" A Partridge? You couldn't have at least picked like Tom Cruise or someone like that?

"BLOWFISH": I don't know what you're talking about, Lampton

PENHALL: You know if that really was Danny Bonaducci, I'm going to be really mad at you, Priss, for stopping us. I'll probably never forgive you. It'll plague our friendship. Nothing will ever be the same. Then one day, I'll lose it, we'll get into this huge argument and then everything will go to hell

LAMPTON: Good to know, Penhall. But I'm pretty positive that Danny Bonaducci was not just walking outside an abandoned church turned police station. In fact, I'm pretty sure Danny Bonaducci stays away from police stations in general. Expect when he's being arrested, he doesn't really have a choice then.

_(FULLER exits his office with MICHAEL RUDD in tow. HANSON, LAMPTON, IOKI, HOFFS, CONDOR, PENHALL, and "BLOWFISH" all divert their attention to FULLER and MICHAEL RUDD.)_

FULLER: I assume you're all talking about a case

PENHALL: Always, Captain

LAMPTON: We would never dream of straying off topic, Captain

FULLER: That's what I thought

CONDOR: So, the case?

FULLER: Oh, Eli you're still here?

LAMPTON: We haven't really gotten a chance to talk yet, Captain, sorry, that would be my fault.

"BLOWFISH": Well actually, I was the one who brought up Danny Bonaducci in the first place, which distracted you from talking specifically to Condor, which makes it, technically my fault

PENHALL: I did help out a little

FULLER: I don't care, I don't want to know, all I want you guys to do is to focus on the case at hand.

HOFFS: Who's taking the case?

FULLER: Do you feel up to it, Ioki?

IOKI: I'm not up to lead the case, if that's what you're asking. I'm going to be in and out of the hospital for a while, Captain, sorry. I don't mind doing back up, though.

FULLER: No, no, that's all right, Ioki. You focus on your grandmother's health first, work can come second for a little while.

IOKI: Thank-you, Captain.

FULLER: Don't mention it. Hoffs, Penhall, you two feel like teaming up on one?

HOFFS: _(With a sly smile) _I think I could handle it

PENHALL: _(With a sly smile) _I don't know, Coach, she's pretty hard to handle partner wise

"BLOWFISH": _(to IOKI) _Do you ever feel like you're out of the loop?

IOKI: All the time.

FULLER: Okay, I'm just going to assume that you two have some private joke that does not pertain to me or his case, and you two have no problem taking this case on.

PENHALL: You got it, Captain

FULLER: _(to MICHAEL RUDD) _This is pretty unorthodox for us, for you to be meeting with the undercover officers and for you to know their identities, however, since you did seek us out, you'll just have to understand that while Officers Penhall and Hoffs are in the school they are students to you. Nothing more and nothing less.

MICHAEL RUDD: I understand

FULLER: If you want to know anything about the case, you are to come here directly. You should never approach Officers Hoffs or Penhall about the case unless they are inside the Chapel.

MICHAEL RUDD: Of course

FULLER: Now that we have the ground rules set, do you mind filling in Officers Penhall and Hoffs about the case?

MICHAEL RUDD: Not at all

FULLER: Good, Hoffs and Penhall, would you follow us into my office.

_(FULLER, HOFFS, PENHALL, and MICHAEL RUDD exit back into FULLER'S OFFICE.)_

_("BLOWFISH" walks over to talk to HANSON and IOKI while CONDOR and LAMPTON talk privately on the other side of the CHAPEL.)_

"BLOWFISH": Hey, is there somethin' goin' on between Hoffs and Penhall?

HANSON: What? Doug and Judy? They always act like that

"BLOWFISH": No, no, it's gotten more intense recently. And they're always talking to each other, giggling, smiling. _(Gasps) _You know what, I saw Judy put her hand on top of Doug's yesterday! Oh yeah, on top of. Would just friends do that?

IOKI: Yes

"BLOWFISH": Remind me not to leave my hand close to his

HANSON: Well, I guess I haven't heard Penhall talking much about random girls he's hooking up with. But he always seems to be leaving for a date.

IOKI: Judy's been leaving early a lot too. A lot of times on the same night that Penhall has a date on.

"BLOWFISH": Me think-ith that those two-ith be dating _(pause) _ith

HANSON: What's with the Shakespeare?

"BLOWFISH": Language of love, duh

IOKI: And he's the married one

_(Across the room with LAMPTON and CONDOR. While "BLOWFISH", HANSON, and IOKI still talk, HANSON'S attention is mainly on watching the body language between LAMPTON and CONDOR and trying to hear what they're saying.)_

CONDOR: Seriously though, Priss, where have you been these past couple of weeks? I mean I tell you that I love you, you say you want some time to think about it, then you just push me away? Is that your subtle way of telling me to get the hell out?

LAMPTON: No, no, Eli, no. I don't want you to do anything like that.

CONDOR: Then do you feel the same way?

LAMPTON: I—Eli, I told you. These things—they take time for me. That's all.

CONDOR: I've given you nothing but time

LAMPTON: I know you have, and I'm so thankful, and I am really sorry. But it's just such a bad time of year for me. I mean not only do I have the craziness of this job, but now added on top of it is all of the Christmas shopping I have to do, the bagillion things going on at Emma's school to celebrate the holidays, and the added topping of seasonal Catholic guilt over the entire mess that my life as been.

CONDOR: No, no, that's a bunch of bull, Priss

LAMPTON: No it's not

CONDOR: There has to be something more going on. Something more that you're not telling me that's got you so frazzled!

LAMPTON: No, no, there's nothing. It's just the time of the year, I promise. It'll all be over soon and things can go back to the way that they were.

CONDOR: I don't want them to go back to the way that they were. I want them to move forward. I want us to move forward.

LAMPTON: And we will. When we, meaning both you and me are ready.

CONDOR: Well if you not willing to be open and honest with me and tell me why you're really upset and why you keep pushing me away, I don't exactly see that day coming. Ever.

LAMPTON: Eli, don't be such an ass.

CONDOR: No, I'm allowed to be an ass right now. With the way that you're acting, and the way that you're treating me, I'm allowed to be an ass.

LAMPTON: What do you mean?

CONDOR: I mean, I know something happened. Something so bad that you don't wan to tell me. And I'm starting to think that it probably had something to do with Hanson.

LAMPTON: What are you talking about! I thought we were done with this argument, Eli!

CONDOR: Apparently we're not

LAMPTON: I told you, me and Hanson are just friends. He's got a girlfriend. I met her, her name's Annie! She, she seems like a very nice girl.

CONDOR: Oh yeah? _(Motions towards HANSON, who is still intently staring at LAMPTON and CONDOR) _Then why can't he keep his eyes off you?

LAMPTON: What? _(Turns to see HANSON looking right at her. He diverts his attention else where, but the damage as be down) _Oh, Eli, he's just

CONDOR: Call me when you're ready to be an adult about this relationship, Priss

_(CONDOR turns and exits abruptly. "BLOWFISH" and IOKI, who have missed the majority of the argument are now clued in. HANSON looks apologetically to LAMPTON, but neither one says something to the other.)_

IOKI: Priss, are you?

LAMPTON: _(Cutting IOKI off) _I don't wanna talk it

IOKI: Okay

_(LAMPTON storms over to her desk and begins working.)_

_THE NEXT DAY. RIVERDALE HIGH SCHOOL COMPUTER LAB. PENHALL and HOFFS are sitting at two separate computers, near each other but not next to each other. ADAM BOONE along with ANDREA FARRAH and other STUDENTS also sit in the computer room working. MICHAEL RUDD enters._

MICHAEL RUDD: Okay, students, you'll see that we're, again, one more computer down. Sorry for this, but until our famous little computer thief decides to stop or gets caught, I'm confident we're going to continue to keep being down on computers.

ADAM BOONE: Haven't the police found out anything?

MICHAEL RUDD: It's still being investigated

ADAM BOONE: Investigated how? They haven't even set foot in the school! How are they supposed to find out who did it until they at least look at the scene of the crime?

MICHAEL RUDD: Adam, it's out of our hands. The police are working on the case, I assure you. They know how to best handle this situation

ANDREA FARRAH: Like they know how to handle anything! Stuff like this goes unsolved all the time, like they really care about our high school's computers!

MICHAEL RUDD: Not you too, Andrea

ANDREA FARRAH: Mr. Rudd, it's just not fair. Some of us really need these computers.

MICHAEL RUDD: I know, Andrea, I know. But it's out of our hands now. All we can do is wait for the police to find out and stop whomever is doing this. Now, if you would please just work with me here, and maybe a couple of you guys partner up on computers today. Okay?

_(ADAM BOONE and ANDREA FARRAH partner up on computers, along with HOFFS and PENHALL. HOFFS and PENHALL act as if they've never met each other before, do quiet introductions, etc)_

MICHAEL RUDD: _(Sighs) _Thank you. Now, please, this is study hall. Do your work, call me over if you have any questions, and make sure you introduce yourself to our two new students, Judy Henderson and Doug Peters _(he motions towards HOFFS and PENHALL who gesture appropriately) _All right, go do work!

_(The STUDENTS turn and begin their homework. ANDREA FARRAH turns to HOFFS)_

ANDREA: I'm Andrea, by the way.

HOFFS: Judy. What's going on, anyways? What was that all about?

ANDREA: Some sleazebag is stealing computers from here. These are the only computers our school has, and we can't afford new ones. It's kinda touchy subject for some students.

HOFFS: Well I got that, but what I don't understand is why?

ANDREA: A lot of the school is well off, you know? They have computers at home, lucky bastards. But some of us can't afford our own computer, and now that teachers are requiring more and more assignments to be word processed to help us learn how to use computers, we're being screwed over. Yet again.

HOFFS: That sucks, does anyone know anything? Like is a student?

ANDREA: It has to be. I mean, all students have to wear badges to get anywhere in this school, and if you don't have one of 'em around your neck you're not getting anywhere. Especially nowadays.

HOFFS: And the police?

ANDREA: Probably eating doughnuts

HOFFS: _(Laughs) _Probably

_HOSPITAL. IOKI stands outside a HOSPITAL ROOM, waiting anxiously. A DOCTOR is in with his GRANDMOTHER checking her status. He reads her chart, checks her vitals, then exits. IOKI stops him as he exits._

IOKI: Doctor?

DOCTOR: Mr. Ioki

IOKI: Can you give me a status update on my grandmother. How is she doing? What's the prognosis? Is the treatment helping? Can you tell me anything, anything at all?

DOCTOR: Calm down, Mr. Ioki, a breath a little. Your Grandmother is doing as we expected, not bad, but not good. But don't start worrying, this treatment usually takes a little while to start showing any improvement. Right now, it's just a waiting game.

IOKI: But how long?

DOCTOR: It all depends on the patient. But, we've been through this, Mr. Ioki, if the cancer's progressed as far as we think it has, the treatment will not be effective.

IOKI: I know, but it's worth a try, right? I mean, I can't just send my Grandmother off to die without trying first. I mean the woman survived the Vietnam War for Christ's sake, she's too tuff for cancer.

DOCTOR: Let's just wait it out a bit longer before we start discussing other options, okay, Mr. Ioki. Right now, all you can do is pray for her.

IOKI: Thank-you, doctor

DOCTOR: No problem, Mr. Ioki. You can go in and sit with her if you would like.

IOKI: I can't stay, I need to go back to work.

DOCTOR: All right, Mr. Ioki. We'll call you if there's any change.

IOKI: Thank-you

_(The DOCTOR walks away, but IOKI stands outside a moment longer looking through the window at his GRANDMOTHER'S sleeping form. He looks upset, but holds it in.)_

_RIVERDALE HIGH SCHOOL. PENHALL and HOFFS are sitting in the hallway hanging out. ANDREA FARRAH and ADAM BOONE approach._

ANDREA: Hey, you're Judy, right?

HOFFS: Yeah, Andrea, right?

ANDREA: You got it. This is my friend, Adam.

ADAM: Hey

HOFFS: This is my new best friend ever, Doug. He just transferred here too, we're struggling through our moving to a new town, new high school misery together.

PENHALL: Hey

ANDREA: What are you two up to?

HOFFS: Just hanging out

ADAM: We're about to head out to the mall for the afternoon, you two wanna join us?

HOFFS: Sure, I'd love to. You in, Doug?

PENHALL: Sure thing, Jude.

_JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. LAMPTON is at the lockers, getting ready to leave for the day. HANSON enters. Both seem surprised to see the other one, and feel awkward being around each other, as this is their first meeting alone since the incident. _

LAMPTON: So when were you going to tell me about Annie?

HANSON: What?

LAMPTON: I asked you several times point blank if you were seeing someone, and you lied. Why, Hanson? Why didn't you just tell me you were seeing someone?

HANSON: I was just always interrupted

LAMPTON: Bullshit, you lied to me, and you lied to her! I mean why didn't you just tell her were faked being man and wife? It wasn't like anything happened or like we really were married. Unless we really are married, in which case, you are like the worst husband ever

HANSON: We're not married! And I'm sorry that I didn't want to complicated me and Annie's relationship by telling her that I was playing house with another woman!

LAMPTON: Even Condor was okay with it, and he hates you.

HANSON: Oh, well, that's always fantastic to hear, thanks, honey

LAMPTON: Don't call me that, and answer my question, Hanson. Why didn't you tell me? Why did you wait for her to tell me? Do you know how that felt? I mean I was already feeling shitty enough as is, then this sweet looking, charming, completely and utterly pleasant and non-hate-able, sweetheart of a girl comes up to you, talking about your kid and how awesome they think you are, and you know all along that you have done something to wrong the sweetheart of a girl in the most terrible way, and the guy that connects all the dots didn't even bother to give me a heads up! Seriously, Hanson!

HANSON: Look, we both screwed up and we both agreed it was better not to tell anyone because it would hurt innocent people's feelings. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you that I was seeing someone, but I didn't realize we were on full disclosure mode with each other!

LAMPTON: I thought we were friends, Hanson. Friends tell friends stuff like that. But if you just see me as a coworker, then fine, disclose whatever it is you feel like sharing, just don't act like it's such a chore to talk to me.

HANSON: Well you're acting like I lied to you about committing a major crime. I mean, Jesus, Priss, there's a lot about me that you don't know and don't need to know. So stop acting like I did this horrible thing by not telling you about Annie.

LAMPTON: I'm acting like a normal person would act under the circumstances, you're the one acting weird! I mean, why can't you tell me why you lied?

HANSON: Because it's not important!

LAMPTON: So you admit that you lied?

HANSON: I didn't lie. I just didn't tell you something. God forbid someone not tell the high and mighty Priscilla Lampton something , she'll practically have your head for it.

LAMPTON: Why are you being such an ass? This isn't like you.

HANSON: Who are you to say what I'm like and what I'm not like? We haven't even known each other a year! God, I'm not like you, Lampton! I'm not about to share my every feeling with anyone who walks in the door!

LAMPTON: I don't do that

HANSON: Yes you do! And the worst part about it is that you try to rationalize everything that you do, but for the most part none of it is rational!

LAMPTON: Because that makes perfect sense

HANSON: It does. You can't rationalize the irrational. I don't know why I didn't tell you, that was irrational on my part and probably due to the insane about of hours I've heard you talking in circles

LAMPTON: So you're saying the reason you lied to me was my fault?

HANSON: Well—

LAMPTON: You're right, we obviously don't know each other at all. I didn't realize how much of an ass you were. Now I know better than to think you're a nice guy. I'm glad you finally decided I'm worthy enough to show your true colors. I can't wait for Annie to find out.

HANSON: Well I can't wait for Condor to figure out what a bitch you. Honestly I'm surprised it's taken him this long.

LAMPTON: You know what, screw you, Hanson. I don't need this. I'm out.

_(LAMPTON storms off upset and angry over the fight._ _HANSON slams his locker closed in frustration and sits down on the bench)_

_LATER. HANSON'S APARTMENT. HANSON and ANNIE are eating dinner together. HANSON seems distracted and distant, ANNIE looks at him, confused. After awhile in silence, she finally speaks._

ANNIE: Tom

HANSON: _(Surprised) _Huh?

ANNIE: Tom, if you hadn't invited me or spent what I can assume from the taste and appearance of this food, quite a bit of time, I would have to assume that you didn't want me here.

HANSON: Ann, what are you saying?

ANNIE: You haven't spoken more than five words to me this entire time! What else am I supposed to think? Are you mad at me for something?

HANSON: No, Ann

ANNIE: Well if you're mad at me, Tom, I'd rather you'd actually fight with me then just do this. The silent treatment is so much worse than fighting.

HANSON: I'm not giving you the silent treatment, Annie

ANNIE: Just fight with me, Tom.

HANSON: I'm not mad at you for anything. I just—It's stupid.

ANNIE: Then talk to me or at the very least do something. Prove to me that this is not just some super weird way of getting me to break up with you or something.

HANSON: Anne, it's nothing like that, seriously, and it's nothing about you. You're fantastic. This—this is just nothing. It'll blow over, y'know?

ANNIE: If it was nothing, then you'd say something.

HANSON: I had a fight with Lampton, no big deal

ANNIE: If it was no big deal do you really think you'd be smashing your peas like that? Somebody's got some built up frustration.

HANSON: Really, it was stupid stuff. It'll blow over.

ANNIE: Tom, this fight has been going on for awhile, from what I understand. You two seem to make up, but obviously you guys aren't getting at the central problem.

HANSON: What do you mean?

ANNIE: I mean, there's something deeper going on that you two aren't addressing. Did something happen on a case, maybe some kind disagreement in the action you should take? Value disagreement? God, did you insult her kid?

HANSON: No, god no, nothing like that. I'm pretty it's impossible to find fault with Emma, plus the added bonus of I'm pretty sure Priss would kill anyone for even thinking her kid wasn't amazing.

ANNIE: Did she do something to upset you? Say something wrong? I mean, I don't know Priss Lampton very well, but from what I understand, she seems to be the type of person who's going to say what she thinks and do what she wants without so much thinking about consequences.

HANSON: That does sound like her, expect when it comes to Emma. There it's all about the consequences. You know, she's been dating the same guy for almost half a year and she hasn't even introduced him to Emma yet. I mean the guy tells her that he loves her, and the first thought she has is how that is going to affect Emma. Not if she loved him back. How messed up is that? I mean, I get that Emma's the most important person in her life, but don't you think at some point she'd realize that Condor isn't gonna stick around if he doesn't think she's in it for the long run like him? I mean, it's absolutely crazy. It just—it just make any sense at all.

_(HANSON'S smile growers fonder and fonder as he speaks about LAMPTON. ANNIE grows uneasy as she listens to him speak about her. Her suspicion about their relationship grows. She bites her lip, and continues to gather information before making any accusations.) _

ANNIE: Does she love him?

HANSON: I don't think so. She hasn't said anything, but I doubt she'd say something to me. She'd probably talk it over with Hoffs, who'd then tell Penhall, who would then tell the world, and I haven't heard a peep from Doug.

ANNIE: So you know all of this, but you can't think of a single reason why you and Lampton can't seem to stop fighting?

HANSON: We're a chatty bunch?

_(ANNIE pauses in thought for a moment. HANSON watches her, cringing uncomfortably at the idea of her discovering his infidelity. ANNIE is slowly becoming more and more convinced that there are deeper feelings between HANSON and LAMPTON than friendship, but she does not suspect that either has acted on them. She hopes that it isn't anything like that, that perhaps they are old feelings from a previous relationship, but in her gut she thinks it's something more.)_

ANNIE: Tom?

HANSON: Yeah?

ANNIE: Did you and Priss Lampton ever dated or have any sort of relationship past friendship?

HANSON: No, never.

ANNIE: Huh.

HANSON: What?

ANNIE: Tom, I'm not stupid, y'know? I know that there's something you're not telling me, and I know that it has something to do with Priss Lampton. Something you don't want me to know.

HANSON: Anne

ANNIE: Look, Tom, I just sometimes get the feeling that you two, you and Priss, have something more going on, or at least building. And if it's her that you really want to be with, I'd rather you tell me now.

HANSON: No, no, Annie, you've got it all wrong

ANNIE: No, this is my turn to talk. Don't hurt me, Tom. I've been hurt before, and I'm sick of it. If Priss Lampton is the girl you want to be with, and I'm just your consolation prize, I'd rather you just tell me now, flat out. Don't drag this out.

HANSON: I'm with you Annie, not Lampton. And she's with Condor.

ANNIE: What if she wasn't with Condor? What then?

HANSON: What are you talking about, Annie? I'm with you. I like you. Me and Lampton, we're coworkers. Sometimes we have disagreements, and there stupid, petty agreements. We'll buy each other a beer and get over it.

ANNIE: You didn't answer my question

HANSON: Look, I'm with you for a reason. That reason has nothing to do with Priss Lampton.

ANNIE: I would like to believe that. I really would, Tom. But there's just something you're not telling me, I know. And I just can't trust you on that until you tell me.

HANSON: Me and Lampton are friends. That's it. I'm with you, and she's with Condor. Hell, she's getting serious with him!

ANNIE: Yeah, but she doesn't love him. Hasn't even introduced him to her daughter, you said it yourself the most important person in her life.

HANSON: What does that have to do with anything?

ANNIE: Maybe she's already got someone else in mind for the job

HANSON: What? What job? What are you talking about, Anne?

_(ANNIE stands up and walks over to him. She smiles pleasantly at him)_

ANNIE: Just think about it, okay?

_(She kisses him sweetly on the forehead)_

ANNIE: I'm gonna go now, babe. Give me a call later, ok?

_HOFFS' HOUSE. HOFFS and PENHALL are sitting together eating popcorn and watching "The Exorcist". HOFFS looks back and forth between the movie and PENHALL, having an internal debate over whether or not to break LAMPTON'S trust and tell PENHALL about what happened. PENHALL eventually notices and pauses the movie._

PENHALL: Okay, what's up, Jude?

HOFFS: What? What are you talking about? There's nothing wrong, nothing at all.

PENHALL: You're neck is doing more twisty things then the girl in the movie.

HOFFS: It's—ugh, I can't tell you!

PENHALL: Judy, we're dating, you can tell me anything as long as it's not I used to be a guy, stuff like that is just better not knowing

HOFFS: _(Hits him playfully) _No, idiot. It's something Priss told me in confidence. And I can't break her trust, but it's big. I mean, really big.

PENHALL: Dude, totally spill, who am I going to tell?

HOFFS: Hanson, "Blowfish," Ioki, the guy who delivers the coffee, Fuller, the pretzel cart guy

PENHALL: Okay, okay, I get it! You think I'm a bit of a _(HOFFS looks at him) _Okay, I am a bit of a gossip. But a very manly gossip.

HOFFS: Oh, very manly.

PENHALL: But if I guessed it, it wouldn't be like you telling me

HOFFS: Oh yes it would, and you wouldn't guess it anyway. You went to sex change first.

PENHALL: Okay, fair enough, but I do solve crimes for a living. Perhaps if you gave me some clues to piece together?

HOFFS: Hanson and Lampton did the deed.

PENHALL: What?!

HOFFS: You can't tell anyone!

PENHALL: Are they still with?

HOFFS: Yep

PENHALL: And they don't know? The other ones I mean, the ones not having the coworker sex. I'm pretty sure the ones having the coworker sex know about the coworker sex. I mean, they were there. They had the sex. The other two, not so much.

HOFFS: Yep

PENHALL: And how long have you known?

HOFFS: Since me and Priss started talking again

PENHALL: And you didn't tell me right away!

HOFFS: I wasn't supposed to tell you then

PENHALL: Jude, we're dating, people expect you to tell me everything

HOFFS: Doug, people don't know we're dating

PENHALL: You mean you didn't tell Priss?

HOFFS: Well she didn't ask me specifically

PENHALL: You mean she didn't ask you specifically if you and I had started dating, something that we have never done in the past and had never discussed potentially doing? Wow. What shotty police work. We should report her.

HOFFS: I just didn't want to rub my happiness in her face

PENHALL: So you lied?

HOFFS: Basically, yea. I know, not the best move on my part

PENHALL: Not the best move? Jude! How about the stupidest move! You don't form a truce by lying! You're not a country! Only world leaders have that power!

HOFFS: She'll understand _(PENHALL gives her a look) _Or we'll just not mention that I lied when I said nothing was really going on. We'll just pretend that this all happened afterword, and we didn't want to complicate the workplace any

PENHALL: Because Hanson and Lampton sleeping together hasn't affected the workplace? And she shared that with you.

HOFFS: Ah, shit.

PENHALL: And remind me never to tell you a secret. God, it's only been a week and a half and you've already told somebody.

HOFFS: Shut up

_(HOFFS throws a piece of popcorn at PENHALL, PENHALL chuckles to himself)_

_LAMPTON'S HOUSE. LAMPTON walks out of EMMA'S ROOM, closing the door slowly behind her and turning off the light. PHOEBE sits in the adjacent room pouring two cups of coffee. LAMPTON sighs as she walks over to PHOEBE, who looks at her and smiles warmly._

LAMPTON: Coffee sounds fantastic

PHOEBE: This coffee comes with a surprise

_(LAMPTON takes a sip of the coffee)_

LAMPTON: Aww, Kuala, how'd you know this is what I needed?

PHOEBE: I've known you since birth, Priss. I've learned to notice the signs when you're upset and don't wanna talk about it, and I've learned that Kuala and coffee is your way of dealing.

LAMPTON: Yeah, too bad I was never a chocolates kind of gal, that day I learned I was pregnant was kind of a doozy and I couldn't drink the coffee or the Kuala.

PHOEBE: Didn't you down like an entire case of Capri Suns instead?

LAMPTON: I figured it was also a breakfast drink that people drink at other times during the day, and I used to love it as a little kid. Then when they didn't do much, I started in on the pixie sticks.

PHOEBE: And how'd that work for you?

LAMPTON: God my bladder hated me and the sugar rush was insane. I think my energy level that day was comparable to someone on cocaine.

PHOEBE: You were insane that day. Off the walls crazy. Even for you.

LAMPTON: True, true

PHOEBE: So?

LAMPTON: Yes?

PHOEBE: Do I need to start pouring shots or are you ready to spill?

LAMPTON: Pull out the shot glasses. We're gonna need them.

PHOEBE: You got it, girly.

_PAWN SHOP. ERIC MEYERS and LESLIE ANDERS enter each carrying on the of the stolen computers. GEORGE COLLINS stands behind the counter, looking bored. ERIC and LESLIE put the computers on the counter. _

ERIC: How much?

GEORGE COLLINS: You steal these?

ERIC: Dude, not cool, of course not. My Grandmother just died, left us these. But I kinda need the cash more, so if you could just tell me how much for the computers, we can conclude our business.

GEORGE COLLINS: Four hundred for both, you won't get a better price

LESLIE: Whatever, we'll take it.

_(GEORGE COLLINS gives LESLIE the money. LESLIE and ERIC leave quickly, and GEORGE watches them carefully, still suspicious about the computer's origins.)_

_LAMPTON'S HOUSE. LAMPTON and PHOEBE are several shots in, laughing joyfully and talking about their current romantic situations. _

LAMPTON: And that's why I'm a terrible person

PHOEBE: Ohh, Priscilla Marie Lampton, you will never be a terrible person. You will always be a terrible drunk. You, like so many others, will always do really silly things when you are intoxicated, such as sleeping with Kyle Gatter.

LAMPTON: Hey, he was my boyfriend!

PHOEBE: Sans protection

LAMPTON: Okay, that was silly, but it also got me Emma, and Emma's the best thing that's ever happened to me!

PHOEBE: That is true, I take that back.

LAMPTON: Thank-you

PHOEBE: And how do you feel about Condor? Do you love him?

LAMPTON: I donno

PHOEBE: Do you love Hanson?

LAMPTON: He was such a jerk to me today. I never thought that he could be that mean, but the things that he said to me. Just plain mean spirited.

PHOEBE: Were any of those things true?

LAMPTON: No…yes. But totally not fair! He's not allowed to call me out on those things!

PHOEBE: And who is?

LAMPTON: No one

PHOEBE: Priss

LAMPTON: You…and maybe Emma when she's older

PHOEBE: Good girl. Now, I want you to think about Eli Condor. Think about the things that you like about him. Think about why you're dating him.

LAMPTON: He's a good guy when he wants to be, good family, makes me laugh

PHOEBE: When he wants to be?

LAMPTON: He can be an ass when he wants to be, but apparently so can Hanson, so they're tied! And apparently I'm a bitch when I want to be, so we all deserve each other, I guess

PHOEBE: Priss, focus

LAMPTON: Right, sorry

PHOEBE: Those are all great qualities, but I'd list the same qualities about you, and we're not dating, despite the fact that I do love you, just not in the same way that Eli loves you

LAMPTON: Do you have to remind me that Eli loves me?

PHOEBE: Right, sorry

LAMPTON: And a great family? Really? Have you met my parents?

PHOEBE: Hey, they like me. I didn't get pregnant at sixteen and run away from home. As far as they knew, I was a good influence on you.

LAMPTON: Fine

PHOEBE: So, what do you like about Hanson?

LAMPTON: _(Pauses) _I love the fact that he was the first guy I felt comfortable around since Kyle. I mean the way that he looked at me, it wasn't in any kind of romantic way, it was just in a real sort of way that didn't judge. Most people look at me and my insanity and run for the hills, and most of the guys I've started seeing since Kyle did that plus changed their names once they learned about Emma. And Hanson, Hanson loves Emma. He doesn't treat me any differently because of her. And he doesn't pester me, y'know? If I don't wanna talk about something, he's not gonna make me. With Condor, it's always talk, talk, talk. God! I'm sick about talking about things I don't wanna talk about! I get that he cares and he just wants to help, but sometimes shutting up and letting me come to you when I'm good and ready is the best way to help me!

PHOEBE: Priss

LAMPTON: What?

PHOEBE: I hate to tell you this, but I think you're in love with Tom Hanson

LAMPTON: No!

PHOEBE: Yes

LAMPTON: That's bad. That's very bad.

PHOEBE: I wouldn't mention it when you break up with Eli.

LAMPTON: That never helps does it?

PHOEBE: No

_HANSON'S APARTMENT. HANSON is sitting alone drinking a beer and thinking about what ANNIE said to him. There are several empty beer bottles sitting next to him. The dishes are still sitting on the table as they were when ANNIE left. Music plays in the background. He picks up his phone and dials PENHALL'S number. The phone rings several times, HANSON growing more and more agitated with each ring. Eventually the answering machine picks up._

PENHALL'S VOICE: Yo you reached Doug Penhall, I'm not here right now, I make no promises to be back soon, and same thing applies for returning calls. Leave a message if you're up to it. Peace!

_(HANSON sighs and hangs up the phone. He thinks a moment longer, then grabs his keys and jacket and hurries out the door.)_

_LAMPTON'S HOUSE. LAMPTON is sitting in her living room listening to the same song as HANSON. The half empty bottle of tequila sits on the table next to her along with the shot glasses. PHOEBE walks over and takes the tequila bottle._

PHOEBE: I'm gonna take this and hide it somewhere for another time.

LAMPTON: Probably a good idea.

PHOEBE: Don't stay up too late

LAMPTON: You just told me that I'm in love with not my boyfriend. Sleep isn't gonna happen tonight.

PHOEBE: Sorry, babe, but the truth's the truth. Love ya

LAMPTON: You too

PHOEBE: Night

LAMPTON; Sleep good

_(PHOEBE exits. LAMPTON sits alone for a moment, then shakes her head and stands up, not willing to waste another moment thinking on this. As she stands up, a knock at the door is heard. Confused, LAMPTON walks over to the door and looks out the peep hole. She is surprised to see HANSON standing there. She opens the door slowly.)_

LAMPTON: Tom?

_(HANSON leans in and kisses LAMPTON passionately, LAMPTON doesn't pull away)_

* * *

**_Thanks for the love.  
Part two up shortly._**

**_Please Review._**


	20. 10: Coworkers, part 2

_THE NEXT DAY. LAMPTON'S HOUSE. HANSON is sitting in LAMPTON'S BEDROOM getting dressed. EMMA and LAMPTON can be heard in the background, as LAMPTON gets EMMA ready to go to school. He looks antsy, guilty. He fumbles buttoning up his shirt. _

LAMPTON: _(Outside) _Bye kiddo, I love you! Don't forget your lunch! Ems! You're lunch! All right, sweets, go to school! I'll see you after work! I will be picking you up! All right? Emma?

EMMA: _(Outside, exasperated)_ Bye mom!

LAMPTON: _(Outside) _I nag because I care!

EMMA: _(Outside) _Love you!

LAMPTON: _(Outside) _Love you too, babe. Now go before you miss the bus!

_(The door opens, LAMPTON stands outside, looking distressed. HANSON, sensing her distress, rushes over to her and envelopes her into a hug)_

LAMPTON: Tom

HANSON: I know

_(HANSON kisses the top of her forehead.)_

_LATER THAT MORNING. RIVERDALE HIGH SCHOOL. ANDREA and ADAM are talking with MICHAEL RUDD. HOFFS and PENHALL listen in while grabbing books out of their lockers. _

ADAM: I heard they got two computers last night, Mr. Rudd. Is that true?

MICHAEL RUDD: Yeah, Adam, it is

ANDREA: But aren't the police supposed to be doing something! Why are more computers being stolen?

MICHAEL RUDD: The Police are doing their best

ADAM: More computers are being stolen, and they haven't even stepped foot on school grounds. Their best, my ass.

MICHAEL RUDD: Adam

ADAM: I'm sorry, but it's true! If they really cared they send someone out here to investigate! They don't care about stupid computer thefts.

MICHAEL RUDD: Police have stopped by the school, Adam.

ANDREA: Yeah, when? Cause I've never seen them and I'm always here.

MICHAEL RUDD: They stop by after hours, they don't want to disturb the educational process

ANDREA: Ha, that's a load of crap if I ever heard one. What did they just walk around the computer lab once or twice and call it good?

ADAM: Somebody should be doing something, Mr. Rudd. This isn't right.

MICHAEL RUDD: Look, guys, I know you're both upset, but I can promise you that the Police are doing everything in their power, okay? Now, both of you, go to class or you'll be late.

ADAM: Fine

ANDREA: See you for fourth period, Mr. Rudd

_(ANDREA and ADAM leave. MICHAEL RUDD shakes his head and walks into the COMPUTER LAB. PENHALL and HOFFS exchange worried looks.)_

HOFFS: You don't think Adam and Andrea might try and take things into their own hands do you?

PENHALL: What makes you think they wouldn't?

HOFFS: Dammit, you're right

PENHALL: We'll talk to them at lunch. See what they're up too. Maybe we can join in, make sure that they're not going to do anything stupid without supervision, if you catch my drift.

HOFFS: It's impossible not to, Penhall. See you for fourth.

PENHALL: _(Kisses HOFFS' forehead) _Bye

HOFFS: What was that for?

PENHALL: We don't have to hide here

HOFFS: _(Smiles) _You're right _(She gives him a quick kiss, then squeezes his hand) _See you later

PENHALL: Bye

_JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. LAMPTON stands and waits in the small, cramped copy room as she runs off copies of a report she has just finished. The door opens suddenly, startling her. HANSON enters carrying a few folders. They make eye contact, and for a brief moment the building sexual tension between the two erupts throughout the small room. LAMPTON looks away, breaking the romantic moment, causing it to fall into awkwardness. _

LAMPTON: I'm sorry, Hanson, I'll be done in a minute. This is my last folder I have to make copies of.

HANSON: It's no problem, no problem at all

_(The room falls into an awkward silence. LAMPTON continues to run copies)._

HANSON: So

LAMPTON: How 'bout them Yankees?

HANSON: We used to be good at this

LAMPTON: Random banter was our thing

HANSON: Why is it so awkward?

LAMPTON: I think the sex had something to do with it

HANSON: Yeah

LAMPTON: And the fight didn't really help either

HANSON: Yeah, sorry about that. I—well, I don't know where any of that came from. It just happened.

LAMPTON: I started it.

HANSON: But I lied first, making you mad, causing the argument

LAMPTON: Okay, so the fight was your fault.

HANSON: I think so

LAMPTON: Okay? Friends again?

HANSON: I thought we established that last night

LAMPTON: Oh, yeah, that. _(Unconvincingly) _We need to stop that.

HANSON: _(Unconvincingly) _We do.

_(LAMPTON finishes her last copy. But she doesn't move. Their eyes are locked. HANSON moves a step closer.) _

HANSON: That was your last one

_(LAMPTON pulls HANSON in closer)_

LAMPTON: _(Breathlessly) _I know

_(HANSON and LAMPTON kiss passionately. The door opens, "BLOWFISH" enters whistling. LAMPTON and HANSON jump apart, but it's too late. "BLOWFISH" stops whistling, his eyes grow wide. He turns around to leave, but HANSON and LAMPTON stop him.)_

"BLOWFISH": Sorry, didn't realize this room as occupied!

HANSON: Wait!

LAMPTON: Come back!

_(HANSON and LAMPTON push "BLOWFISH" down into a nearby chair. They couch down next to him, interrogation style.)_

HANSON: Sal

LAMPTON: Buddy

HANSON: Pal

LAMPTON: Compadre

HANSON: What you just saw here

LAMPTON: Allegedly

HANSON: Thank-you, what you just allegedly saw here was purely an accident

LAMPTON: I fell into Hanson, Hanson fell into me, it happens

"BLOWFISH": With your tongues?

HANSON: _(Coughing) _Well, you know, we were…talking

LAMPTON: Talking?

HANSON: Why else would we have our tongues out?

LAMPTON: Maybe we were comparing to see whose was longer, or simply sticking our tongues out at each other

HANSON: Like we would really do that

LAMPTON: How many people talk with their tongues hanging outside their mouths?

HANSON: I'm sure somewhere, some people have a language that requires it and apparently we are both fluent, but only speak it when we are alone in the copy room so that nobody else knows about our affinity for rare languages. I mean, that would be pretty geeky.

LAMPTON: Yeah, because that makes way more sense

"BLOWFISH": Hanson! Lampton! You're killing me!

HANSON: Shit, Sal!

LAMPTON: Dammit! I'd forgotten about that whole mess, I was too distracted by the tongue thing.

HANSON: What the tonguing or the tongue argument?

LAMPTON: Well

"BLOWFISH": Still here guys

LAMPTON: Right

HANSON: What you just saw here

LAMPTON: And we do mean saw this time. No use denying any of it, it's not like it's going to leave the room

HANSON: Yeah, what Priss said, it doesn't leave the room.

"BLOWFISH": Why? You guys together now or something? Cause I can tell ya, it might bring some added relief to the Chapel if you two were to finally make things official.

LAMPTON: What do you mean?

"BLOWFISH": Come on, you could cut the sexual tension between you two with a knife! The flirty banter, the jealously when Condor showed up and by the way, thank God he's gone. Couldn't stand the guy! He had that whole 'I'm better than you' vibe going for him, and

LAMPTON: Sal

"BLOWFISH": What? Too soon?

LAMPTON: Sal, I'm still with Eli

"BLOWFISH": What?

HANSON: And I'm still with Annie

"BLOWFISH": Oh my God

_("BLOWFISH" tires to get up and leave, but HANSON and LAMPTON stop him.)_

LAMPTON: No, Sal!

HANSON: This is why you can't tell anyone!

LAMPTON: Really, this was nothing. We just kissed, I don't know why, but we did!

"BLOWFISH": I don't want to be a part of this. This is wrong, this is bad, Annie's such a nice girl, and Eli may be a pompous know-it-all but dear lord woman!

HANSON: It's nothing, Sal. We don't want to hurt anyone.

LAMPTON: And no one has to get hurt

"BLOWFISH": I saw that kiss. That was not a first kiss. That was a we've already done it and now I kinda want some more kind of kiss

LAMPTON: _(Pleadingly) _Sal

"BLOWFISH": No, Priss!

LAMPTON: It just happened Sal. And this, this was nothing. A pure moment of stupidity. You can't tell anyone. Too many people will get hurt who don't deserve it.

"BLOWFISH": I don't like this

LAMPTON: You really think I'm too terribly impressed with myself at this moment?

"BLOWFISH": This is wrong

LAMPTON: I just need your word that you'll never say anything. I know it's wrong, but you have to promise.

"BLOWFISH": You guys are my friends, of course I'm not gonna run and tattle, but I want you to know that this is totally and completely wrong.

LAMPTON: You don't think I'm aware

"BLOWFISH": Okay. Well then. Am I free to go?

HANSON: Thanks, Sal

"BLOWFISH": For what?

_("BLOWFISH" exits. HANSON and LAMPTON look at each other. They stand on opposite sides of the room, sinking back into their guilt. LAMPTON becomes upset, but tries to keep a hold of her composure.)_

LAMPTON: Sal's right you know. We can't keep doing this and be with Eli and Annie. It's not right.

HANSON: _(Sighs) _I know.

_HOSPITAL. IOKI sits by his GRANDMOTHER'S BEDSIDE. He watches her closely, waiting for any sign of improvement. The DOCTOR enters quietly and administers more medication. IOKI looks up expectantly at the DOCTOR._

IOKI: So?

DOCTOR: It's all a waiting game now

IOKI: When will we know?

DOCTOR: Soon, I would expect. But, I must warn you, Mr. Ioki, not to get your hopes up. Your Grandmother is very ill, and her cancer is in a later stage. She may never recover.

IOKI: All right, thank-you

_JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. MICHAEL RUDD enters, looking upset. IOKI, HANSON, LAMPTON, and "BLOWFISH" all sit around the conference table playing a game of monopoly. _

HANSON: Dammit!

LAMPTON: Ha! Ha! Boardwalk, baby! Oh wait, with a hotel! Oh, Hanson, you'll be paying me in monopoly money until the day you die. You owe me so much right now, I may just get the rights to your first born.

MICHAEL RUDD: You're playing monopoly!

_(HANSON, LAMPTON, IOKI, and "BLOWFISH" all look up)_

IOKI: Can we help you, sir?

MICHAEL RUDD: Yes, you can do your jobs!

IOKI: I'm sorry, I don't understand

"BLOWFISH": I just redid the floors last night, guys. I did my job. This is on you.

_("BLOWFISH" exits)_

MICHAEL RUDD: My name's Michael Rudd, I'm a teacher at Riverdale High School. You guys are supposed to be investigating the on-going robberies at the school! God, I trusted you guys, and you could all care less about this case!

LAMPTON: Mr. Rudd, I can assure you that officers are on the case and doing everything in their power to find an answer.

MICHAEL RUDD: Then why are you all playing monopoly

IOKI: Officers Hoffs and Penhall have been assigned to the Riverdale case, Mr. Rudd. They are the ones you should speak to about progress, and I'm sure that they would be happy to inform you of whatever they are legally able to inform you of.

MICHAEL RUDD: Legally able?

IOKI: It is an on-going investigation, Mr. Rudd. We can only release so much information.

MICHAEL RUDD: So what you're saying is that legally you can tell me that you're working on the case, doing your best, so on and so forth, but can really have no leads, not be working on it, and be wasting not only my time but the school's time as well?

HANSON: I can assure you, Mr. Rudd, we are not that kind of program. Officers Hoffs and Penhall are currently assigned to the case and are doing everything in their power to find the missing computers.

LAMPTON: _(Looks at her watch) _Hey, can we finish this game later, I gotta run

_(LAMPTON gathers up her belongings, and prepares the leave for the day. MICHAEL RUDD becomes more upset)_

MICHAEL RUDD: Is leaving early Jump Street's definition of 'doing your best'?

LAMPTON: With all due respect, Mr. Rudd, I'm not on this case, and I have to pick up my daughter from day care before she starts to forget who her actual mommy is. If you have any other questions, please feel free to address them to anyone here, I'm sure they'll be happy to help you with whatever you need. Right guys?

IOKI: Thanks, Lampton

HANSON: Go get Emma, we'll see you tomorrow

LAMPTON: All right, _(with stress on the word 'tomorrow') _tomorrow then. I won't see any one of you until _tomorrow_. As in not tonight. Because we all have our separate, non-diverging lives, with separate special somebody's, wait, Ioks, you dating anyone?

IOKI: You're not setting me up with anyone, Lampton

LAMPTON: Really, cause I do actually know someone who would be perfect for you

IOKI: I'm good, Lampton

LAMPTON: You sure?

IOKI: Focus

LAMPTON: Oh, right, I'm leaving. Meaning I'm not going to see _anyone that I work with until tomorrow_. Right?

IOKI: _(With a chuckle) _Whatever, Lampton, just go get your daughter. You remember her right? The one that looks and acts just like you.

LAMPTON: Thanks, you know sometimes I just blank on it.

HANSON: Bye, Lampton

LAMPTON: Right, bye, tomorrow.

HANSON: Tomorrow

LAMPTON: Okay, awesome. Glad we got that cleared up. Bye.

_(LAMPTON exits)_

MICHAEL RUDD: What just happened?

HANSON: Officer Lampton tends to get confused and ramble when the coffee machine stops working. Something about caffeine withdrawal…or something….Ioks?

IOKI: You dug your own hole with that one, bud

HANSON: Actually I think Priss dug it for us if we're being specific

IOKI: You're right, I detract my previous statement

HANSON: Glad we got that cleared up

MICHAEL RUDD: Hello?

HANSON: Right, you had a qualm with the police department

MICHAEL RUDD: Yes!

_(FULLER enters, nose in a file. He doesn't notice and increasingly confused MICHAEL RUDD standing near HANSON and IOKI)_

FULLER: Anyone seen the Wonder Twins or did they put their magic rings together to hide as desk furniture so that they don't have to tell me that they still have nothing on this computer caper case? Huh, computer caper case. I like it.

HANSON: Great alliteration, boss

IOKI: Captain, you remember, Mr. Rudd, right? The guy who brought the computer caper case to our attention? The same computer caper case that you assigned to Penhall and Hoffs. Remember?

_(FULLER looks up and sees MICHAEL RUDD standing by HANSON and IOKI)_

FULLER: Mr. Rudd

MICHAEL RUDD: Captain Fuller, might we have a few words?

FULLER: Of course, Mr. Rudd.

_(MICHAEL RUDD and FULLER exit to FULLER'S OFFICE.)_

IOKI: You think we're in trouble?

HANSON: We're not on the case, if anyone's screwed it's Penhall and Hoffs

IOKI: True. By the way, what was with Lampton and that whole 'I'm not going to see anyone until tomorrow' thing. That was a little kooky even for her.

HANSON: _(On edge)_ I couldn't tell you. She's Lampton, y'know, a little bit kooky all the time. I guess maybe she's just a little bit more kooky, maybe I'm on to something with the coffee maker. You know what, I'm going to go and check the coffee maker and make sure that it's working just in case it's not and that's the real reason why she was acting so odd. Because it was odd, it made no sense to _anyone in this room_. Strange, right?

IOKI: Right

_(HANSON walks over to the coffee maker and begins to fiddle nervously. IOKI watches for a moment, then shakes his head.)_

IOKI: Don't think I even want to know anymore.

_(HOFFS and PENHALL enter)_

PENHALL: Iokage! Where's Fuller?

IOKI: In talking with Michael Rudd. You guys are in trouble.

HOFFS: Whatda mean? We've been working the case, but when you get hooked up with the goody goodies from hell with claws the size of Mount Rushmore, it's kinda hard to figure out who the hell's been stealing.

PENHALL: A little harsh, babe, I think Ioki was just trying to give us fair warning that Fuller is going to be pissed when we talk to him. At least until we tell him we finally found a lead.

HOFFS: Your right, I'm sorry Ioki, I should not have snapped at you like that

IOKI: It's okay, Hoffs. You're allowed to snap when you're on a case from hell. Jesus, what's gotten into you guys?

PENHALL: Nothing, what are you talkin' about, man? We're acting totally normal. We always act like this. Nothing's out the norm, right, Jude?

HOFFS: It's so normal I'm tempted to call up Normal Rockwell to paint a picture to capture this moment of American normalcy.

IOKI: _(Puts hands up into the air) _I don't want to know, I don't need to know, and I don't care to know.

PENHALL: What's up, Ioks?

IOKI: No, no. We are not talking about this anymore. This place is crazy, you guys all have involvement past what is normally expected out of coworkers, and I don't need to know anymore.

_(IOKI walks away)_

PENHALL: Jeez, what's up with Ioki?

HOFFS: I donno, he's actin' weird

_LATER. RIVERDALE HIGH SCHOOL. It's past midnight, the school is completely dark. ANDREA and ADAM crouch behind some unloaded boxes near the computer lab. They are dressed in all black and carry flashlights and a camera. ERIC and LESLIE along with two other MALE STUDENTS slowly creep down the hallway. ADAM nudges ANDREA for her attention, and ANDREA raises up the camera to take pictures of the STUDENTS breaking into the computer lab. LESLIE wheels a dolly, while ERIC tampers with the lock, gaining access quickly. They hear a noise as ANDREA positions herself for a better shot. _

LESLIE: Eric, stop. What was that?

ERIC: I donno

_(ANDREA and ADAM begin to panic)_

ERIC: Probably nothing, you're hearing shit again, Les

LESLIE: I don't think so

_(ANDREA takes a picture of the robbery in progress, but forgets to turn off the flash, illuminating the entire hallway.)_

LESLIE: I told you I heard someone!

ADAM: Shit! Run!

_(ADAM and ANDREA take off running, ERIC and the two other MALE STUDENTS behind him. It doesn't take long for them to catch up to ADAM and ANDREA and corner them.)_

_THE NEXT MORNING. JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. FULLER is in his office with MICHAEL RUDD. The door is closed. It is early in the morning, "BLOWFISH" is just finishing up sweeping the floors, listening to a walkman. IOKI enters first. He gives a friendly nod to "BLOWFISH" who continues to sweep. HANSON enters second, followed by PENHALL and HOFFS together, then lastly LAMPTON enters. They ALL settle into their desks, grab cups of coffee, and generally begin their day. FULLER opens his door, to everyone's surprise, and walks out tensely. MICHAEL RUDD follows behind._

FULLER: Hoffs, Penhall, may I see you in my office?

PENHALL: Sure thing, Captain

HOFFS: No problem.

_(FULLER and MICHAEL RUDD silently and eerily turn around and walk back into FULLER'S OFFICE. HOFFS and PENHALL exchange worried looks with each other and the other OFFICERS, but follow FULLER quickly into his OFFICE.)_

"BLOWFISH": That can't be good

IOKI: He was so quiet. He's never that quiet.

"BLOWFISH": The man usually does always have something to say

HANSON: Or something to yell

LAMPTON: A snide comment

HANSON: Advice that somehow contains sarcasm

LAMPTON: The works

"BLOWFISH": With that kind of temper it's probably for the best he doesn't know half of what goes on around here

_(LAMPTON and HANSON look at "BLOWFISH" warningly)_

IOKI: What are you talking about, Sal?

"BLOWFISH": Oh, the maintenance engineer knows all.

IOKI: And?

"BLOWFISH": Shares nothing

IOKI: You're full of crap, Sal

"BLOWFISH": Maybe I am, maybe I'm not. You'll never know for sure unless I hold one of your deepest darkest secrets.

IOKI: Whatda think, guys, is Sal full of crap or is he full of crap?

LAMPTON: The maintenance engineer works in mysterious ways

IOKI: What?

HANSON: I wouldn't question it. Too risky.

IOKI: _(Puts hands up)_ You know what, I think this is one of those things that I don't want to know about because it can only lead to drama and drama leads to trouble and trouble leads to not fun. Sometimes it's best just being in the dark. Blissful.

LAMPTON: Good, Ioki.

HANSON: Whatever's going on with Fuller, though, it can't be good.

LAMPTON: He didn't even yell at them to come into his office. He just asked in that soft, 'I'm going to kill you' voice that sends shivers down even Glinda the Good Witch's spine. And she was the only one with the balls enough to stand up to the wicked witch.

IOKI: So what do we do?

HANSON: We wait

_(They all look to FULLER'S closed door patiently, expectantly. The door open slowly, FULLER shows MICHAEL RUDD out. PENHALL and HOFFS walk out second, both looking upset.)_

HANSON: What's up, guys?

PENHALL: Our case is solved

LAMPTON: I'd say that's good, but from your faces it looks like there's something more going on here

HOFFS: Yeah, we didn't solve it. It took two kids getting their asses kicked to figure things out.

HANSON: Jesus, what happened?

HOFFS: I don't know. We should have been on top of this. How'd we not figure this out? How'd we not know that Adam and Andrea would try and stop the break-ins!

PENHALL: Calm down, Jude.

HOFFS: No, Doug! I won't calm down! This is our fault!

PENHALL: How is this our fault? We couldn't have known that they'd pull something like that last night! God, Jude, you're just feeling guilty. Even Fuller and Michael Rudd agreed that it wasn't our fault.

HOFFS: Because they don't know what was actually going on! We were so into being together we forgot that we were on a case! We can't do that.

PENHALL: Well I'm sorry, Jude, I'm sorry that I liked the fact that I could act like your boyfriend at work for once! God I'm so sick of this whole secrecy thing, it's like you don't want any one of our friends to know that we're together! What are you embarrassed of me or something?

_(HANSON, LAMPTON, IOKI, and "BLOWFISH" all exchange uncomfortable looks, but are unable to move from their positions, afraid to alert PENHALL and HOFFS to their presence) _

HOFFS: First off you know that's not true, and second off, it's not like it's a secret anymore!

_(HOFFS motions to a motionless LAMPTON, HANSON, IOKI, and "BLOWFISH")_

HOFFS: Are you happy now, Doug?

PENHALL: Almost

_(PENHALL turns to LAMPTON)_

PENHALL: Lampton, the main reason Jude didn't want to tell everyone that we were together was because she would have to tell you we were together and she thought that would hurt your feelings because of the whole Condor situation. She lied to you when you guys made up. We were together then.. Have been since we all played house.

_(PENHALL turns back to HOFFS, who looks extremely shocked and upset)_

PENHALL: There! Now I'm happy!

HOFFS: I'm so glad!

_(PENHALL walks over to IOKI and HANSON) _

PENHALL: You two. Beers. Tonight. My place.

_(PENHALL walks away before they can give him an answer. IOKI and HANSON exchange uncomfortable looks, then look at LAMPTON, who is practically fuming, and look back at each other silently communicating to walk away.)_

LAMPTON: You lied to me, Jude? During your 'we're never going to lie again to each other' truce?

HOFFS: Priss, don't be so over dramatic. I was just trying to be nice.

LAMPTON: By lying to me about your relationship status?

HOFFS: I would have told you eventually, and, well for what's it's worth, not like this.

LAMPTON: You know what, screw this. I'm over yelling at people, it's obviously not getting me anywhere. You know what you did, come apologize when you're ready.

HOFFS: I stand by what I did

LAMPTON: Then have fun trying to replace me. I'm pretty awesome; it's probably going to be impossible.

_(LAMPTON walks away, leaving HOFFS standing by herself upset.)_

_LATER. PENHALL'S APARTMENT. PENHALL, IOKI, and HANSON are sitting together drinking beers. PENHALL seems agitated; HANSON and IOKI appear to be uncomfortable. There are a bunch of empty beer bottles around the apartment, and PENHALL is a little worse for wear at this point, while HANSON and IOKI casually sip on their single beer. _

HANSON: So you and Hoffs, huh?

PENHALL: Worst idea I ever had. Dude, never, ever date a coworker. You can't get away from them. They're always there. I mean it was like I'd turn around and she would just be there. Just standing there. Watching me, waiting for me to screw up so she could yell at me. It's miserable. Absolutely miserable.

HANSON: That bad, huh?

PENHALL: And I miss her so much, man. Is that bad?

HANSON: It's called dating, Doug.

IOKI: It's terrible, right?

PENHALL: Absolutely terrible. Why do we have to go through this? Seriously? Why can't dating just be fun?

IOKI: Because apparently being masochistic is a part of the human condition?

PENHALL: I think you're on to something there, Ioks. That was like Buddhist shit right there.

HANSON: _(Looking at PENHALL'S empty beer collection) _And how many of these bad boys have you had since you left work?

PENHALL: I donno, lost count.

HANSON: Wanna make this one your last one?

PENHALL: Probably should

HANSON: Meaning that you aren't going to?

PENHALL: Probably. It goes back to Iok's Buddhist thing, you know, the mask thing or whatever.

IOKI: Masochistic?

PENHALL: That's the one

HANSON: If I were you, Doug, I'd call her. Make some kind of apologetic gesture, y'know.

PENHALL: Right now?

HANSON: Probably not right, right now. But tomorrow, definitely. And flowers wouldn't hurt.

IOKI: There almost required at this point in time

PENHALL: You guys are great, have I told you that recently? I mean you're just awesome. Here Fuller's about to have my head on a platter for messing up that case, and you guys are just listening to me and giving me really helpful advice and listening to me

_(PENHALL begins to pass out on the couch)_

HANSON: It's what we're here for, man

PENHALL: And, Hanson, I promise I won't tell anyone about you and Priss. That's your guys business. I only knew cause Judy blabbed to me.

HANSON: _(Uncomfortably) _Whatda mean, Penhall? Me and Priss?

PENHALL: That you two are doing it. Or at least have done it, I don't know if you're still doing it. I would like to think that you're not still doing it, cause of the whole you're guys not being single thing, but I donno.

HANSON: Huh, th—thanks, man. Really. That's just awesome.

PENHALL: No problem, Hanson. It's what I'm here for.

_(HANSON looks at IOKI, who just shakes his head)_

IOKI: I'm going to just assume that he made that all up. I don't want to be involved, I don't need to be involved. But before I forget this, just let me say one thing

HANSON: Okay

IOKI: Figure out what you're doing first. Then commit to a course.

HANSON: Whatda mean?

IOKI: You have to choose, Tom. And I'd choose sooner rather than later, makes things slightly less painful in the end.

_(PENHALL sits up quickly, suddenly alert, causing both IOKI and HANSON to jump in surprise)_

PENHALL: Have I told you guys how great you are yet today?

IOKI: You sure have, man.

PENHALL: Cause you are. I should tell you guys more often. Like every day, cause you're awesome every day.

IOKI: Right back at you, man, now just go to sleep.

_(PENHALL lays back down, and HANSON returns his attention to IOKI)_

HANSON: So what do you think I should do?

IOKI: As I said man, I don't want any involvement in this. I said my piece, and now it's all on you to figure how what the hell you want.

HANSON: So you're basically going to pretend this conversation never happened?

IOKI: As best I can

HANSON: Okay. I don't know whether or not that's helpful.

IOKI: I wouldn't know, because I don't know what conversation you're even referring to.

HANSON: Right

_THE NEXT NIGHT. HANSON'S APARTMENT. HANSON sits alone listening to music and thinking. He slowly sips on a beer, trying to work out a solution to his problem. Eventually, he begins to smile more and more, as if a moment of clarity has suddenly stuck him. He picks up the phone and dials._

HANSON: Hey, I know things have been kinda off recently, but I want to make it work. Can you meet me for lunch tomorrow? At that little coffee shop we went to?

_THE NEXT DAY. LAMPTON is sitting nervously in a COFFEEHOUSE. She practically jumps out of her seat every time someone walks through the door, and when she sees it is someone she does not know, she settles back down. Several empty coffee cups sit around her. _

_HANSON is walking outside carrying a bouquet of flowers and smiling brightly to himself. He makes his way towards the COFFEEHOUSE excitedly._

_LAMPTON taps her fingers nervously on the table. The uncertainty is written across her face. _

_HANSON approaches the door, and begins to open it._

_LAMPTON stands up seeing the door open again._

_HANSON enters into a different COFFEEHOUSE. ANNIE sits waiting for him. He walks over and gives her a peck on the cheek and the flowers. ANNIE smiles brightly._

ANNIE: You figure things out?

HANSON: Yeah, I did. Thanks for waiting.

ANNIE: Thanks for choosing me.

HANSON: It was always you, Anne. I just had to have you threaten to leave me to realize that.

ANNIE: I'll keep that in mind next time you want to do something stupid

_LAMPTON'S COFFEEHOUSE. The door opens again, and CONDOR enters. He smiles brightly at her, and she smiles somberly back at him. He walks over and gives her a quick peck on the forehead, then takes his seat across from her._

CONDOR: I knew you'd call, Priss.

LAMPTON: Eli, please

_(CONDOR'S demeanor changes, as he begins to notice LAMPTON'S unease. He knows what's coming)_

CONDOR: You didn't call me for that reason, huh?

LAMPTON: We need to talk

CONDOR: It figures as much.

_LATER. HANSON'S APARTMENT. LAMPTON knocks on the door, excited to share with him the news of her and CONDOR'S split. ANNIE answers._

ANNIE: Oh, hey, Priss, how are you?

LAMPTON: _(Taken slightly aback by ANNIE'S presence) _Ah, I've been better. Just wanted to see if Hanson was around and wanted to y'know grab a beer with me or something

ANNIE: What's up?

LAMPTON: Oh, things just ended with Condor. Nothing big. It was a long time coming, y'know. But, ahh, I see you two are hanging out tonight, so I'll just go grab Ioki or someone.

ANNIE: You sure, Tom's just inside I can grab him if you want?

LAMPTON: Ah, no need. Sorry to disturb, you guys have a great evening.

ANNIE: All right, I'll see you around then?

LAMPTON: Sure thing

ANNIE: Night, Priss

LAMPTON: You too

_LAMPTON'S HOUSE. LAMPTON and EMMA are sitting on their couch watching a movie. EMMA snuggles up next to LAMPTON, sensing her sadness, and gives her a loving kiss on the cheek. LAMPTON smiles warmly, and wraps her arm around EMMA._

LAMPTON: Thanks, babe

EMMA: You okay, Mom?

LAMPTON: Yeah, course, kiddo, I've got you.


	21. 11: Just Like a Woman

**21 JUMPSTREET**

_**Just Like a Woman**_

_JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. LAMPTON, sporting new blonde hair, stands outside the chapel. She looks up at the building, and studies it. It all suddenly seems different to her now. She closes her eyes and remembers back to the night before. _

_THE PREVIOUS NIGHT. JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. LAMPTON is changing out of her Goth grab and into her normal street clothes in the LOCKER ROOM. HANSON enters. A sudden awkwardness takes over. _

HANSON: Sorry, I'll leave

LAMPTON: Don't. It's not like you haven't seen everything anyways.

HANSON: Well

LAMPTON: Besides, people are bound to think something's up if you run out of her likes some scared little girl because I'm in my bra.

HANSON: Well when you put it that way

LAMPTON: It's a pretty great analogy isn't it?

HANSON: It's somethin' else, Priss.

_(THEY change in silence for a moment, as LAMPTON gathers her nerve.)_

LAMPTON: I broke up with Eli

HANSON: I know

LAMPTON: And?

HANSON: Priss, I don't want to do this

LAMPTON: We have to, Tom. We crossed the line, so now we gotta talk.

HANSON: I just have to say that I'm still with Annie.

LAMPTON: And I have to say this. This is my gesture. Be with me. I think we could be something great together, and I will whole heartedly admit that I'm a complete and total idiot for not realizing it sooner. And, you have to know that me admitting to that is a big step for me. I usually prefer to pretend like I knew what I was doing all long, but just between you and me I'm an idiot. Always have been.

HANSON: You're not an idiot, Priss.

LAMPTON: Yes, I am. But I've finally figured things out. I've made my choice. I want you. You're all I've ever wanted.

HANSON: Priss

LAMPTON: No, Tom, I need to say this. _(She pauses again, gathering herself) _It's your turn to choose, Tom. I can't keep this up. I need to know what you want.

HANSON: I'm so sorry, Priss

LAMPTON: _(She tries to smile, but it's weak and half hearted. Her eyes well up, but she pretends like she's okay.) _You don't have to decide right away, you know

HANSON: I made this decision awhile back.

LAMPTON: Oh, well then, when you put it that way _(She attempts a smile at her little joke, but it's obvious that she's hurt.) _

HANSON: Look, Priss, it was you. It had been you since the moment I met you. But we're just so different. Meeting Annie made me realize that. She just makes more sense then you and I ever would.

LAMPTON: No, no, don't worry about, Tom. I'm happy you're happy. And that's not even sarcastic.

_(HANSON wraps LAMPTON in a hug, and she begins to cry.)_

LAMPTON: You really like her, huh?

HANSON: I do, Priss. I wish things were different.

LAMPTON: Me too

_BACK TO PRESENT TIME. LAMPTON is still standing outside the CHAPEL. PENHALL walks by and puts his hand on her shoulder. He waits a moment, then speaks._

PENHALL: Life's a bitch, ain't it?

LAMPTON: You got that right

_OPENING CREDITS._

_OUTSIDE JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. PENHALL and LAMPTON still stand outside waiting to go in._

PENHALL: You talked to Judy in awhile?

LAMPTON: She was in the wrong on this one. Completely.

PENHALL: She knows that

LAMPTON: You talked to her in awhile?

PENHALL: Ah, she's still pissed at me, but at least she's started answering my phone calls, so I think I'm slowly working back into her favor.

LAMPTON: God, when did everything get so complicated?

PENHALL: Probably right when you and Hanson decided that hooking up was the most logical next step in your relationship progression

_(LAMPTON hits him)_

PENHALL: Ouch

_(LAMPTON gives him a look)_

PENHALL: Hey, I know that I deserve it, but my girlfriend won't talk to me, I'm allowed to make fun of your bad decisions for a brief second

LAMPTON: Schadenfreude?

PENHALL: Basically

LAMPTON: Eh, it's all good as long as I can get a cheap shot in

PENHALL: Go for it

LAMPTON: _(Thinks for a moment) _I'll have to raincheck that. But know that it's coming.

PENHALL: I like the blonde, by the way. It's unexpected.

LAMPTON: I feel like a valley girl

PENHALL: But a valley girl that could kick your ass, then arrest you after words.

LAMPTON: Well, I always feel like that. It's just the valley girl part that takes some getting used to. I mean, save for the arrest part, you just described Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

PENHALL: Yeah, but she was hot, so I'm not really seeing a bad point to that

LAMPTON: She's a cheerleader who slays vampires, what good can come of being compared to that?

PENHALL: I donno, I never said that you were Buffy. You drew the Buffy comparison all on your own.

LAMPTON: From your description

_(IOKI walks up behind PENHALL and LAMPTON. He pauses for a moment, confused as to why they are both just standing outside of the CHAPEL. Then, with a little shake of his head, he continues on past them.)_

IOKI: I'll tell Fuller that you're both out here in case he needs one of you.

PENHALL: Thanks, man

LAMPTON: I owe ya

IOKI: Yeah, yeah

_(IOKI exits to the inside of the CHAPEL.)_

PENHALL: You think we should go in?

LAMPTON: Do you want to?

PENHALL: Not really, you?

LAMPTON: Not particularly

PENHALL: What should we do then?

LAMPTON: We don't have any other choice. We have to stand here until we can get in there.

PENHALL: How long do you think that'll take?

LAMPTON: I donno

PENHALL: I think this is why they always say never get involved with your coworkers

LAMPTON: Damn straight

_JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. HOFFS and HANSON sit together at the CONFERENCE TABLE . HANSON tries to work on a crossword puzzle, and HOFFS attempts to read the paper. She sighs, then crumples the newspaper down in frustration, looking to HANSON. _

HOFFS: You think I should take Penhall back?

HANSON: You want him back?

HOFFS: Of course. It's just—complicated.

HANSON: I get that

HOFFS: We screwed up that case damn good working together. We were so focused on being together, that we forgot that our primary purpose was being police officers looking for some thieves

HANSON: You think I made the right decision with Annie?

HOFFS: You love her?

HANSON: I might

HOFFS: How do you feel about Lampton?

HANSON: She pisses the hell out of me, but I still can't stop thinking about her. Is that weird?

HOFFS: Probably. But since when are any of us good at having healthy relationships?

HANSON: I really should stop going to you guys for relationship advice. It never turns out well for me. I mean, now one of my best friends has a hard time getting out a non-awkward sentence around me, and the other one is a love-sick oaf trying to desperately to win back the favor of another good friend.

HOFFS: Love-sick oaf, huh?

HANSON: Like a Saint Bernard who just smelt beggin' bits and thinks they're bacon

_(HOFFS smiles fondly, HANSON watches this reaction.)_

HANSON: Take him back, Jude. Complications be damned.

HOFFS: What?

HANSON: That look on your face, you miss him just as much as he misses you. And you didn't screw up that case completely. Those kids acted on their own, you couldn't have known what would happen. Stop beating yourself up about it and go and give the oaf a kiss

HOFFS: You really think?

HANSON: Yes, now go

_(HOFFS stands up, and begins to leave. She pauses a moment, and looks back to HANSON, who is staring off into space, but pretending to be working on a crossword puzzle. She turns back and walks over to him, placing her hands on his shoulders, and she whispers into his ear.)_

HOFFS: If I've learned anything, it's that—if it's right—it's never too late.

_(HANSON looks confused and turns back to ask HOFFS what she means, but HOFFS has already turned around and walked out of the CHAPEL.)_

HANSON: Too late for what?

_(IOKI enters the CHAPEL. He notices HANSON sitting at the TABLE alone. IOKI walks over to him.)_

IOKI: Made your choice, huh?

HANSON: How'd you know?

IOKI: Well, the lack of sexual tension in the room was a pretty big hint, but I'd be lying if I didn't say the fact that both Lampton and Penhall are standing outside the building at this very moment trying to psych themselves up enough to come inside helped me figure it out a little

HANSON: What?

IOKI: Yeah, oh, and Lampton's a blond

HANSON: Really?

IOKI: She makes a good blonde. She'll definitely have fun.

HANSON: Seriously?

IOKI: I'm going on about two hours sleep a night between the Chapel and the hospital, to me, that joke was hilarious

HANSON: Oh, Jesus, Ioks, I can't believe I forgot to ask you. How is your grandma? She responding well to treatment?

IOKI: It's pretty touch and go, but I've got hope

HANSON: Oh, man, I'm sorry. If you ever need anything—

IOKI: No worries, man, I know, you got my back

_(IOKI pats HANSON on the back, and walks over to his DESK. HOFFS enters.)_

HANSON: You find him?

HOFFS: No, I checked everywhere. Is he on a coffee break down the street or something?

HANSON: No, apparently he's downstairs standing outside with Lampton

HOFFS: What?

HANSON: That's what I said

_(FULLER enters)_

FULLER: Penhall and Lampton, front and center. Yo! Penhall and Lampton!

HANSON: They're outside, boss

FULLER: Well send them to my office when they get back up here

IOKI: No, no, Captain. They're outside. They've been trying to come in for awhile, I told them I'd tell you they were here but not here here

FULLER: Why?

IOKI: Why would I tell them I'd tell you that?

FULLER: No, why are they outside?

_(HANSON and HOFFS both awkwardly try and start sentences, while IOKI merely looks to them. FULLER rolls his eyes and turns to exit the CHAPEL.)_

FULLER: You know what, I don't think I want to know

IOKI: That's the spirit, boss!

_OUTSIDE THE CHAPEL. PENHALL and LAMPTON stand outside still staring up at the CHAPEL. FULLER walks out of the building and walks over to them._

LAMPTON: Sorry, Captain Fuller, we'll be inside in two minutes, I promise

FULLER: Don't make promises you can't keep, Lampton

LAMPTON: But I shouldn't let personal issues affect my ability to work. I won't let personal issues affect my ability to work.

FULLER: For once, I'll make an exception

PENHALL: Really, boss?

FULLER: Really, really

LAMPTON: Thanks, Captain

PENHALL: Yeah, thanks, boss

FULLER: _(Hands folders to both LAMPTON and PENHALL) _I've got a case for both of you. I know you two have never worked together before, but, and I don't ever want to do this ever again, I'm taking your personal lives into consideration when assigning cases.

LAMPTON: You won't have to do it again, Captain, prom—well I'll try my best.

FULLER: Perfect, Lampton

LAMPTON: Thanks, Captain

PENHALL: Cedar High School, eh? That's a bit of a drive away from here, isn't it? It's in the next town over, right?

LAMPTON: Two towns. _(LAMPTON closes file) _I'm sorry, Captain Fuller, you're going to have to assign this case to someone else

FULLER: Why?

LAMPTON: That's my old high school, I'm pretty sure they've had a hard time forgetting the girl they had to prepare for the possibility to going into labor during final exams

FULLER: I'm sure that won't be a problem, Lampton

LAMPTON: But my little sister will be. She still goes there. Sorry, Captain. _(LAMPTON hands the file back to FULLER) _Captain, do you mind if I go get some coffee real quick? Pick you up something if you want it.

FULLER: Sure thing, I'd love a coffee

LAMPTON: Penhall?

PENHALL: You know what, I'll go with you, keep you company

LAMPTON: No, no, it's all right. You have a case. I'll pick you up something, what do you want?

PENHALL: A latte would be great

LAMPTON: All right, I'll be back in a minute.

FULLER: Take al l the time you need, Lampton.

_(LAMPTON exits)_

PENHALL: Poor girl, this just isn't her day

FULLER: I know I'm going to regret asking this, but what happened between her, and I can only assume Hanson?

PENHALL: Fido chose Annie

FULLER: What?

PENHALL: Fido, Hanson, you know, a little love struck puppy?

FULLER: Chose Annie? Who's Annie?

PENHALL: Hanson's number one gal

FULLER: Not Lampton?

PENHALL: Not Lampton

FULLER: Never saw that one coming.

PENHALL: You have missed out on a lot of drama, Captain, if you were surprised by just that turn of events.

FULLER: Yeah, and after that moment of weakness, I think I'm going to keep it that way.

PENHALL: So, the case?

FULLER: You got it. You want Hanson for this one, I'm assuming?

PENHALL: Judy won't even answer my phone calls, you really think we're going to make a good team on this case?

FULLER: Probably not, but don't go telling everyone that I let your personal lives affect case assignments; I don't want people thinking I've gone soft.

PENHALL: Oh, never, coach. I'm honestly afraid of what you would do to me if I did.

FULLER: And that's the way I like it

PENHALL: _(Flipping through folder) _So just your basic somebody's stealing parts from the auto shop class with the added twist of a second Lampton thrown into the mix just for a bit of awkward fun?

FULLER: Basically, I'll go get Hanson

PENHALL: All righty I'll be here not letting my personal life affect my ability to work!

_A few days later. CEDAR HIGH SCHOOL. ERIC ADLER'S MATH CLASS. Sixteen year old VERA LAMPTON sits in the second roll chewing gum and looking dejected. She stares out the window at the small town life going on outside. ERIC ADLER teaches, despite the fact that the majority of his class isn't paying attention. _

ERIC ADLER: Vera, do you care to take a stab at this equation?

VERA: Huh?

ERIC ADLER: I asked if you would care to take a stab at this equation

VERA: Not particularly, no

ERIC ADLER: What if I'm not asking

VERA: Ooh, trying to be the tuff guy now, Mr. Adler? Sorry, you're scare tactics aren't gonna work on me, so you might has well save it.

ERIC ADLER: Would you rather spend this time with Principal Anders, Vera, because that can be arranged.

VERA: Oh, can it? While you're at it, can you also arrange to have a pizza delivered with extra red pepper, I had to miss lunch on account of me being out of cigarettes and I'm starving. It would really help me out a lot, thanks.

ERIC ADLER: That's it, Vera you're out! I don't care for this little attitude of yours, and unless you find a way to fix it, I don't want you setting foot in my class ever again. Got it?

VERA: Loud and clear.

ERIC ADLER: I'll make sure to let Principal Anders know you're coming. Wouldn't want you to get lost on your way down to the main office.

VERA: How considerate

ERIC ADLER: Only the best for my students.

_(VERA grabs her backpack and walks out of the classroom, giving various students high fives on her way out. She does not seem at all upset with being kicked out of class.)_

_MAIN OFFICE. HANSON and PENHALL sit in the office chairs filling out paperwork. The SECRETARY sits at the main desk watching as they complete their information sheets. VERA LAMPTON enters. _

SECRETARY: Ms. Lampton, it's been almost twelve hours since you're last visit

_(HANSON and PENHALL both look up hearing her name. They can't help but stare)_

VERA: Well Mrs. Walters, what can I say, I've found it nearly impossible to wreak habit in my morning art classes, and yesterday I just wasn't in the mood to cause trouble.

SECRETARY: I'm glad to hear it, you can't have a seat next to the Jones' boys, I'll let you know when Principal Anders is ready.

VERA: Works for me

_(VERA takes a seat a few down from PENHALL and HANSON, who suddenly attempt to look busy, she notices, however)_

VERA: What's your guys' problem?

PENHALL: Nothing, it's nothing. You just look like someone from our old high school.

VERA: Neat

HANSON: So what are you in for?

VERA: Disturbing the peace, you?

PENHALL: Immigration

VERA: Good luck

HANSON: Whatda mean?

VERA: In this dump, you'll need it

SECRETARY: Principal Anders will see you now, Ms. Lampton. You can head on back, you certainly know where the office is.

VERA: I do, could ever draw a rather lovely map from memory. Y'know like old school style with all the sea monsters and added flowery details.

SECRETARY: I'm sure it would be lovely, Ms. Lampton. Now if you would, please go back and see Principal Anders. He has a very busy schedule today.

VERA: I'm sure

_(VERA gathers up her belongings. She turns to PENHALL and HANSON)_

VERA: I'm Vera, by the way

PENHALL: Doug

HANSON: Tom

VERA: Cool, see ya around

_(VERA exits to the PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE)_

PENHALL: I can't believe that's

HANSON: I believe it, oh trust me, I believe it.

_PRINCIPAL ANDERS OFFICE. PRINCIPAL ANDERS sits behind his desk, flipping through VERA'S file. VERA enters, and takes a seat._

PRINCIPAL ANDERS: Miss Lampton

VERA: Mr. Anders

PRINCIPAL ANDERS: Making these visits a weekly habit now, are we?

VERA: What can I say, I'm stuck in a rut

PRINCIPAL ANDERS: Well, Miss Lampton, it's a rut I'd like to see you get out off. I mean, how do you expect to graduate if you're being kicked out of class all the time? You're barely passing, Vera.

VERA: Yeah, but I'm passing

PRINCIPAL ANDERS: Yeah, because you're smart. If you attended class more, think of what you're grades would be. You'd have a four point, easy. Probably over if you took AP's, you know you're more than qualified for them.

VERA: Yeah, I've been told

PRINCIPAL ANDERS: Vera, I just don't know what to do anymore. I've called your mother, and she has agreed to come for a meeting

VERA: What! You did what?

PRINCIPAL ANDERS: You're mother has agreed to come to a meeting to discuss just what we're going to do about this, and make a plan for success.

VERA: You can't do this to me, no, no, this is complete bullshit!

PRINCIPAL ANDERS: Language, Vera

VERA: No, no, that's what this is! God! I can't believe it! Just give me my lecture and let me go!

PRINCIPAL ANDERS: No, Vera. I'm bound and determined to make sure one of the Lampton girls graduate. You know, you're sister went through a similar pattern before

VERA: Don't bring up my sister

PRINCIPAL ANDERS: Vera

VERA: What? What gives you the right to bring up my sister? To act like you know an iota of what happened , and to infer that I would repeat the same mistakes that she did

PRINCIPAL ANDERS: Vera, I don't mean imply anything. I'm simply saying that your mother and I discussed it, and we are both concerned that you are heading down a similar path and want to find a way to get you back on the right path.

VERA: Fine, whatever. It's bullshit, but whatever.

PRINCIPAL ANDERS: Good, because you're mother is on her way down

VERA: What!

PRINCIPAL ANDERS: Well look at the bright side, you don't have to go to your next couple of classes, which, if I'm not mistaken, you are prone to skipping to, and I believe the direct quote you gave me was, 'take a long lunch'?

VERA: Special

_OUTSIDE IN THE MAIN OFFICE. HANSON and PENHALL are still finishing up their paperwork. HANSON diligently fills his out, while PENHALL rolls his eyes and begins flipping through to see how much he has left to fill out._

PENHALL: Jesus, you'd thinkthey're screening us for being potential serial killers or somethin' with all this information. I mean come on, you need a name, an address, and a phone number. There! Done! Bing, bang, boom! Done!

HANSON: You're filling out my information, right?

PENHALL: Ah, no, why?

HANSON: Because we always fill out my information

PENHALL: But I thought that this time we could have my information, y'know, change it up a little bit. I mean you're mom's great, but so is my uncle.

HANSON: Jesus, Doug!

PENHALL: Dude, you should totally see your face right now. It's the perfect Hanson's pissed face. Do you make this face at Priss all the time?

HANSON: What are you talking about?

PENHALL: Dude, don't worry about it, I totally filled out your information. Whatda think I am, stupid or somethin'? We always do your information, less guardian crap to go through and explain.

HANSON: Jesus, man! What was that?

PENHALL: Just trying to lighten the mood

HANSON: What mood?

_(CHARLOTTE LAMPTON enters. She walks straight to the SECRETARY looking upset.)_

SECRETARY: Ah, Mrs. Lampton, it's been weeks.

_(HANSON and PENHALL jump at the mentioning of CHALOTTE LAMPTON'S name. They both exchange surprised, awestruck gazes, then return to starting at CHARLOTTE LAMPTON. She's a well dressed woman in her late forties, looking annoyed.)_

CHARLOTTE LAMPTON: Not in the mood today, Mrs. Walters. Should I just head back or would Ed Anders like me to wait a minute?

SECRETARY: You can head on back, Mrs. Lampton. I'm sure you remember where the office is.

CHARLOTTE LAMPTON: Thank-you, Mrs. Walters, I do so enjoy our time together. We should get lunch later on in the week.

SECRETARY: I'll be sure to bring the vodka

CHARLOTTE LAMPTON: Ah, yes, but what would you drink?

SECRETARY: Oh, believe you me, I'd probably already be bombed just in order to attend the lunch.

CHARLOTTE LAMPTON: Ah, charming.

SECRETARY: Toodle-loo

CHARLOTTE LAMPTON: Be sure to write, Mrs. Walters, I so do miss our little chats when my daughter is behaving.

_(CHARLOTTE LAMPTON turns to leave to PRINCIPAL ANDERS OFFICE)_

SECRETARY: Don't you mean daughters?

_(CHARLOTTE LAMPTON stops mid-step and turns around to the SECRETARY, she leans down close to the SECRETARY, angered by what she has said.)_

CHARLOTTE LAMPTON: That's low, even for you, Shelly.

SECRETARY: I was simply checking, Charlotte. You know how scatterbrained I can be.

CHARLOTTE LAMPTON: Look, Shelly, I don't know if this has something to do with me marrying your high school sweetheart, or me winning prom queen, or whatever shit it is that you've held on to all these years, but honestly there's a line. You can hate me all you want, but you know there's a line. There always has been, and always will be.

SECRETARY: Whatever, Char, I was just having a bit of fun.

CHARLOTTE LAMPTON: Whatever you want to call it, there's a line, and you know it.

SECRETARY: Principal Anders will see you now.

CHARLOTTE LAMPTON: Don't you dare cross it again, or I will let out so much dirt about you, you'll never be able to show your face in this city.

SECRETARY: Principal Anders will see you now.

CHARLOTTE LAMPTON: I'm glad we have an understanding.

_(CHARLOTTE LAMPTON exits. SECRETARY looks to PENHALL and HASNON, who immediately look down at their paperwork awkwardly scribbling quickly)_

SECRETARY: We're old high school friends. Always playing around like that.

_(HASNON and PENHALL awkwardly nod)_

SECRETARY: So, you boys about finished with that paperwork?

_LATER. PENHALL and HANSON exit the MAIN OFFICE into the hallway holding an arm full of books and papers telling them their class schedule, locker number, and where to go._

PENHALL: Remind me never to cross a Lampton

HANSON: That was the most intensely mean sounding nice conversation I've ever heard. I was shaking, and I wasn't even in the conversation. Hell, I think I'm still shaking.

PENHALL: Eh, that's probably less because of what was said and more because you've recently crossed a Lampton and are now awaiting the consequences

HANSON: Have not

PENHALL: Slept with her then left her newly single ass for Annie even when she comes to you all vulnerable and whatnot. You crossed her something good, Tommy.

HANSON: Oh god, I did

PENHALL: Yes you did

HANSON: She's going to kill me isn't she? I mean she has a gun.

PENHALL: Probably not kill, but make your life so miserable that you'd wish you were dead

HANSON: Oh my god that's worse

PENHALL: Yeah, you're kinda screwed man.

HANSON: Thanks, man

_LATER. CEDAR HIGH SCHOOL. AUTO SHOP CLASS. HANSON and PENHALL sit in the back of the classroom scanning the room trying to memorize the faces of all of the students. They notice one particular group of male students, including JOEY HOUSER, ALFIE ENGLISH, and DANNY McGINNY messing around and laughing. The teacher, MR. ANDERSON enters looking dejected and unmotivated._

MR. ANDERSON: All right, hooligans, settle down. It's time for class.

JOEY: Hooligans? We're not hooligans. We're human beings, man, and that kind of labeling hurts, Mr. Anderson.

DANNY: How are we supposed to grow up to be respectable members of society if we're labeled as hooligans at such a young age.

ALFIE: I know my self-confidence is shattered

MR. ANDERSON: Oh goody, you three seem to be in fine spirits today.

DANNY: We're always in fine spirits, Mr. Anderson, especially in autoshop class. How can you not be in fine spirits when you're in autoshop?

MR. ANDERSON: Oh, believe me, boys, you can. All right, enough of this nonsense, we have two new students today joining us, or so I've been informed by the main office. Who are you, and more importantly where are you?

PENHALL: Ah, I guess that'd be us, I'm Doug Jones and this here is my little brother, Tommy.

MR. ANDERSON: All right, there you have it class, Doug and Tommy Jones. All right then, someone grab them and let them join your group, will you?

_(MR. ANDERSON walks over to his desk, puts his feet up, and begins reading a book. STUDENTS go to their cars and begin working. HANSON and PENHALL look at each other. JOEY walks over.)_

JOEY: Don't look so lost, boys, come over and work with us. We could use the extra hands.

PENHALL: Sure _(pauses waiting for a name)_

JOEY: Joey

PENHALL: Is he always like that? _(Motions to MR. ANDERSON)_

JOEY: He's actually a bit happier today if that's at all possible. Usually he just yells at us to shut up, today he actually bantered a little bit before sulking off to his book.

HANSON: _(Noticing the title of the book) _Is that a self-help book?

JOEY: Yeah, the man loves 'em. Last week he was reading one about having a happy marriage, this week it looks to be like he's looking into finding happiness with his job.

_(HANSON, PENHALL, and JOEY walk over to JOEY'S station where ALFIE and DANNY are already busy at work on the car.)_

JOEY: That's Alfie and Danny, guys this is Tommy and Doug.

ALFIE: Whatever, man, just grab a toolbox and start tinkering. This engine's a mess and we've only got a week before we're supposed to be graded on it.

HANSON: How do they grade us on it?

ALFIE: If the engine starts and purrs, we pass, if the engine does anything else we fail. It's that simple.

PENHALL: Okay

JOEY: Danny, you're girlfriend got kicked out of class again today. I saw her in the hallway when she was on her way to the office.

DANNY: Seriously? Damn, Vera's kicking ass in this bet. If she gets kicked out one more time I'll owe her fifty.

ALFIE: I can't believe you guys actually bet on that.

JOEY: It's Vera, you piss that girl off there's no stopping her. I just can't believe you were stupid enough to agree to the terms, Danny.

DANNY: What? I didn't think anyone could get kicked out of class twenty-five continuous days in a row without being suspended. It seemed like a good bet.

ALFIE: You're an idiot, man.

DANNY: What? It seemed like a good bet!

JOEY: What kind of relationship do you have, man, if you're betting her on stupid stuff like that for money? Shouldn't the stakes be a little higher and a bit more fun, if you know what I mean.

ALFIE: We always know what you mean, Joey.

JOEY: Well, still, my point stands. Boyfriend and girlfriends should not bet money, that's territory for people you're not sleeping with or potentially sleeping with. I mean back me up here, Doug and Tommy, don't you think that the perpetually virginal Danny should have upped the stakes?

HANSON: Perpetually virginal?

DANNY: Shut up

ALFIE: I actually have to go with Gutter-Minded Joey on this one, man, you should have gone for it, you might have lost the title of perpetually virginal, but instead, you only prove why you have the nickname.

DANNY: Like you're a regular Casanova or something, Alfie?

ALFIE: At least I've gotten some

JOEY: Let's refer to the new members of our group, _(to HANSON and PENHALL) _gentlemen, what do you think of our little Danny here's decision? Terrible or just simply dumb?

PENHALL: I'd have to go with simply dumb

JOEY: Tommy?

HANSON: _(Clears throat, attempting to hide discomfort in answering the question) _Yeah, simply dumb. Terrible decision, man. Can someone pass me a wrench?

JOEY: Yeah, sure, man, no problem. _(JOEY hands HANSON the wrench) _What I'm saying is…

_LATER. HANSON and PENHALL are walking through the hallway towards their next classes after autoshop has let out. JOEY, ALFIE, and DANNY follow closely behind._

DANNY: Look, you guys should join us again tomorrow for class, you're pretty handy around a car

PENHALL: If you saw our piece of junk of a car you'd understand why

HANSON: Hey that piece of junk is my pride and joy

PENHALL: But you must admit it's a piece of crap in constant need of repair

HANSON: Yeah, so?

JOEY: Whatever, guys, we'll see you around, right?

PENHALL: Yeah, for sure

_(JOEY, DANNY, and ALFIE head in the opposite direction)_

PENHALL: Dude, what was up with you in there?

HANSON: Whatda mean?

PENHALL: You were acting so weird when they were talking about Vera

HANSON: That's Lampton's little sister

PENHALL: They don't know that, or at least don't know that we know that

HANSON: Still, it's weird. That's Lampton's little sister, I shouldn't be encouraging some idiot kid to screw her. I mean if Priss knew, I'm sure she'd

PENHALL: She'd what? Tom, you're not with her.

HANSON: She's my friend

PENHALL: I think she'd beg to differ at this point

HANSON: Well, kids shouldn't be messing around like that anyways! I mean, if Priss hadn't been messing around like that

PENHALL: Oh, don't take it out on Priss just because you didn't get any action in high school

HANSON: I so got action

PENHALL: Yeah, right. If you did, you'd be willing to let these kids get some action .

HANSON: Shut up

_(VERA approaches HANSON and PENHALL)_

VERA: Hey, I see you two have found a way to immerse yourselves into the culture of Cedar High at a remarkable pace.

HANSON: Hey, Vera, right?

VERA: You got it. I just heard from my boyfriend that you two are both in autoshop with him.

PENHALL: Yeah, Danny, right? I wondered if they were talkin' about you after they said your name.

VERA: You know a lot of Vera's or something?

PENHALL: Can't say that I've met any others recently, no.

VERA: Well, I hope they were only saying good things about me. _(Pauses, and smiles brightly) _Wait, who am I kidding, of course they were saying good things about me _(chuckles) _Like there is anything else to say!

PENHALL: _(Chuckles) _Yeah, it was good stuff.

VERA: You two should come hang out with us tonight, we're going out to the burger shack near the interstate. You know the place?

HANSON: Yeah, I think we ate there the other night, right, Doug?

PENHALL: Yeah, the crap-hole looking place?

VERA: That's the one. They love to serve minors.

HANSON: Lucky

VERA: Well, we'll be there around ten. See you then?

PENHALL: Sure thing.

VERA: All right, I gotta get headed out, I'm apparently suspended now

_(CHARLOTTE LAMPTON approaches from down the hallway, looking upset.)_

CHARLOTTE LAMPTON: Vera! You were supposed to go straight to your locker and collect your things so we could head home and further discuss this situation

VERA: Yeah, sorry, Ma, got distracted. Tommy and Doug here were just filling me in on what I missed in math. They're real concerned about my academic standings too.

CHARLOTTE LAMPTON: _(Sarcastically) _Right

PENHALL: So, we're, ahh, gonna be late for class, right, Tommy?

HANSON: Real late

PENHALL: See ya around, Vera.

HANSON: Yeah, what he said.

_(HANSON and PENHALL exit quickly down the hallway)_

CHARLOTTE LAMPTON: Well?

VERA: I'm going.

_LATER. LAMPTON FAMILY HOME. CHARLOTTE, RICH, and VERA LAMPTON are all sitting down to dinner. RICH LAMPTON eats his food quickly, while CHARLOTTE LAMPTON eats her food slowly and delicately, and VERA simply pushes her food around on her plate, disinterested in the entire thing. They have a modest home, simple and typical of a middle-class suburban community. Pictures of the family are sprawled across the walls, plus a little picture of LAMPTON and EMMA from when EMMA was a baby is framed and placed on one of the small tables. They eat in silence, then CHARLOTTE turns to RICH._

CHARLOTTE LAMPTON: You know you're daughter was suspended today

RICH LAMPTON: Suspended, really now? And what did you do to cause such a thing, Vera?

CHARLOTTE LAMPTON: She has been skipping class again.

RICH LAMPTON: Vera, you shouldn't skip class.

VERA: Thanks, Dad, very helpful piece of advice

CHARLOTTE LAMPTON: And I've had enough of that lip, Vera! God, you're just like Priscilla, you always have to have the last word, and the last word always has to be a sarcastic one.

VERA: I'm not just like Priss.

CHARLOTTE LAMPTON: No, no you're not, I'm sorry.

_(They fall into an uneasy silence)_

CHARLOTTE LAMPTON: Rich, how do you think we should punish Vera? _(RICH LAMPTON doesn't respond) _Rich?

RICH LAMPTON: Huh?

CHARLOTTE LAMTPON: How do you think we should punish Vera? _(He looks confused) _For being suspended, darling.

RICH LAMPTON: Oh, yes, well I'm sure you'll find a suitable punishment

CHARLOTTE LAMPTON: Don't you think this is something we should decide together?

RICH LAMPTON: Yes, yes, sounds good.

CHARLOTTE LAMPTON: _(Sighs) _Vera, you're father and I are going to have to ground you. No seeing your friends, no going out on the weekends, and especially no Danny. You need to get those grades up. Once you've achieved that we'll discuss a new set of rules to abide by.

VERA: What? That's unfair!

CHARLOTTE LAMPTON: We're only trying to do what's best for you, Vera

VERA: No! You're trying to keep me locked up so I don't screw up like Priss did!

_(VERA storms out of the kitchen)_

CHARLOTTE LAMPTON: Rich

RICH LAMPTON: What, Charlotte?

CHARLOTTE LAMPTON: You might have said something. Shown some form of vested interest in your daughter. It's your fault she's acting this way.

RICH LAMPTON: It's my fault? I'm not the one who's been keeping her locked up. This is all on you.

CHARLOTTE LAMPTON: I'm not keeping her locked up. You two are just being overly dramatic.

RICH LAMPTON: So what's the next set of rules going to be, Charlotte? Supervised visitation rights for her friends? Tracking device on her ankle, I've just done some work down at the local prison, I'm sure I could get a deal on an ankle bracelet if that's what you mean to do.

CHARLOTTE LAMPTON: Stop it. I don't need your mouth, either. I'm doing my best here, and I'll be dammed if I have another daughter run away like that again. That's more than what I can say for what you're doing.

_(CHARLOTTE LAMPTON stands up and angrily walks out of the kitchen, leaving RICH LAMPTON alone. He looks to the small picture of LAMPTON and EMMA and sighs.)_

_SAME TIME. CHAPEL. LAMPTON sits alone at her desk busy finishing up paperwork. Almost all of the lights are out, save her small desk lamp. HANSON sits at his desk, paperwork out, pen in hand, but he is distracted watching LAMPTON as she works. LAMPTON plays music softly on a player behind her. "Send in the Clowns" plays in the background._

_Isn't it rich?_

_Are we a pair?_

_Me here at last on the ground,_

_You in midair._

_Send in the clowns._

_(HANSON watches more closely, as LAMPTON scribbles busily on to the paper.)_

_Isn't it bliss?_

_Don't you approve?_

_One who keeps tearing round,_

_One who can't move._

_Where are the clowns?_

_Send in the clowns._

_(She pauses a moment. Staring off blankly into the distance. HANSON focuses in on the contours of her face, the hint of sadness in her eyes, and the sudden lack of sparkle in her demeanor.)_

_Just when I stopped opening doors,_

_Finally knowing the one that I wanted was yours._

_Making my entrance again with my usual flair,_

_Sure of my lines,_

_No one is there._

_Don't you love the farce?_

_My fault, I fear._

_I thought that you'd want what I want,_

_Sorry, my dear._

_But where are the clowns?_

_Quick, send in the clowns._

_Don't bother, they're here._

_Isn't it rich?_

_Isn't it queer?_

_Losing my timing this late_

_In my career?_

_And where are the clowns?_

_There ought to be clowns._

_Well maybe next year._

_(PENHALL enters and walks over to HANSON'S desk.)_

PENHALL: Yo, you ready, Hanson?

_(LAMPTON and HANSON brake out of their traces.)_

HANSON: Ah-yeah, where are we going again?

PENHALL: The diner place, come on, we'll be late if we don't get a move on

HANSON: Oh-right

_(HANSON gathers up his belongings, and turns off his desk light. LAMPTON steals a look while he is packing up, but then quickly looks back at her paperwork, pretending not to notice him. HANSON looks over at LAMPTON one last time before turning to leave, PENHALL notices.)_

PENHALL: _(Whispering) _Just let her be, Hanson.

_DINER. JOEY, ALFIE, DANNY, SARAH JOANE, and AMY SMART sit around a small table eating burgers and fries and drinking various soft drinks. They secretly add vodka to their drinks underneath the table. HANSON and PENHALL enter._

JOEY: Hey, way to show up late!

_(PENHALL and HANSON make their way to the table and take two of the open seats.)_

PENHALL: Sorry, Tom here was too busy primping in the mirror to notice the time.

HANSON: Thanks, Doug. You know, I would have thought you getting lost was the reason why we were late, but clearly it was me having to pee before we left the house.

ALFIE: Ah, no worries, Vera's late too.

SARAH: Vera's always late. _(to HANSON and PENHALL) _I'm Sarah Joane by the way, which one of you is Tom and which one is Doug?

HANSON: Tom _(points) _Doug _(PENHALL waves)_

SARAH: I'll do my best not to get you two confused

HANSON: We appreciate that

AMY: I'm Amy

PENHALL: Nice to meet you, Amy

_(VERA enters and walks over to the table, sitting down in DANNY'S lap flirtatiously. She gives him a playful peck, then takes a sip of his drink. She coughs.)_

VERA: Ugh, you made that strong!

DANNY: I like it strong, babe, you know that

AMY: What took you so long, Vera?

VERA: The parentals were fighting again, so my mom was out doing her secret smoking on the patio, so I couldn't hop out the window until she left

JOEY: What did you do this time?

VERA: They're just being ridiculous again. I mean just because I get suspended

DANNY: Ha! You owe me fifty bucks, pay up, missy!

ALFIE: Stupid bet

DANNY: Shut up

VERA: What are you two talking about?

ALFIE: How you're boyfriend made a stupid bet

VERA: He won how was that stupid?

JOEY: Well

DANNY: _(Cutting him off) _Because they didn't think you'd lose. I mean you are pretty good about talking yourself out of situations, I mean that time we were in the park day drinking and that cop found us, you sold him, hook, line, and sinker!

VERA: It's true, I am good with the words

_(WAITRESS comes over)_

WAITRESS: Would you guys like anything else tonight?

DANNY: I'm good, you want anything, babe?

VERA: No, I ate before hopping out the window

DANNY: Tom? Doug?

HANSON: Stuffed

PENHALL: I'm with him

DANNY: Nope, we're good, thanks, Mary

WAITRESS: No problem, Danny, I'll just get the bill. You guys will be back next week, right?

ALFIE: Would we leave you without you're weekly over-tipping?

WAITRESS: It's why I love you guys

_(WAITRESS goes to the cash register and begins brining up the bill)_

PENHALL: You guys come here every week?

DANNY: Yeah, it's kinda a celebration thing

ALFIE: We've been doing it for a couple of months now, Mary's always our waitress.

HANSON: Celebration?

JOEY: Yeah, for a good day's work. Y'know, school and all that.

HANSON: Yeah, school can really take it out of you.

SARAH: Where do you guys want to go next?

JOEY: Well me and Alfie have one more delivery to make, but then we're free.

VERA: The park?

DANNY: Cops are really starting to come down there

ALFIE: F-ing cops always get in the way

PENHALL: Don't I know it

DANNY: Party at my house?

VERA: Works for me

JOEY: You in, Doug and Tom?

PENHALL: Course

_THE NEXT DAY. JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. LAMPTON sits are her desk, sipping her coffee quietly in the early morning. She is the only one at the CHAPEL. It is quiet, peaceful. "BLOWFISH" enters, whistling. He notices LAMPTON, and stops whistling. He pauses a moment, then decides to walk over to her with a sympathetic smile._

"BLOWFISH": I see you made it inside, Priss

LAMPTON: I made it in yesterday, be proud of me, Sal.

"BLOWFISH": But he wasn't supposed to be in the Chapel yesterday

LAMPTON: I'm not a child, Sal. I'm not going to let something as silly as that stop me from doing my job. I went inside because I was ready to go inside. Who was supposed to be in and who wasn't had no weight on my decision.

"BLOWFISH": Still, he broke your heart didn't he, Priss?

LAMPTON: Doesn't matter, Sal. It happened in the past, and what happens in the past should stay in the past. I'm still intact, anyone can see that.

"BLOWFISH": You know, it's okay, Priss. You're allowed to be hurt right now.

LAMPTON: But you see the thing is, me and Hanson, we were doomed from the start. I mean, I want to be June and Johnny, and me and Hanson, we're Sid and Nancy. There was no way that was going to end well.

"BLOWFISH": You know, it even took June and Johnny a minute to get it right

_(IOKI enters)_

IOKI: Morning

LAMPTON: Morning, Ioks, coffee?

IOKI: You seem remarkably cheery. Sal, smell her coffee.

"BLOWFISH": That would explain so much! _("BLOWFISH" walks over, and LAMPTON gives him a look. He stops and backs away) _You know what, what's a little Bailey's in the coffee to get you going n the morning?

LAMPTON: It's clean, I promise you. Just coffee.

_(FULLER enters)_

LAMPTON: Morning, Captain!

FULLER: That coffee better not be spiked, Lampton

IOKI: _(to LAMPTON) _You see?

LAMPTON: Shut up

_(FULLER walks directly into his OFFICE without waiting for a reply. HOFFS and PENHALL enter. PENHALL gives HOFFS a quick peck on the cheek, before heading off into FULLER'S OFFICE. HOFFS walks over to the COFFEE MACHINE, which is located near LAMPTON'S DESK.)_

LAMPTON: I see you two got back together. The separation a little too much for you?

HOFFS: You don't have to mean about it, Priss.

LAMPTON: I was just curious

HOFFS: Yes, me and Doug have decided to give this one more try, and have made a point to say that as long as we are together we cannot work as partners. Does that satisfy you?

LAMPTON: Huh, almost. An apology would be even more fantastic.

HOFFS: I don't think I did anything wrong, Priss. I just omitted information to you that I omitted to everyone else.

LAMPTON: Then I'm not satisfied

HOFFS: Then I can't help you

_(HOFFS walks over to her desk in silence, LAMPTON looks slightly more agitated. HANSON enters, he looks first to LAMPTON who is too busy trying to appear busy filling out paperwork to notice his entrance. Disappointed, he walks into FULLER'S OFFICE. Sensing something amiss, LAMPTON looks up from her paperwork, and watches as HANSON enters FULLER'S OFFICE. "BLOWFISH" watches the entire transaction, and shakes his head, he turns to IOKI.)_

"BLOWFISH": You'd think one of them would get it.

_CEDAR HIGH SCHOOL. AUTOSHOP CLASS. HANSON, PENHALL, ALFIE, JOHNNY, and DANNY all stand around their car working diligently. HANSON and PENHALL occasionally look up and eye up the classroom, looking for anything suspicious. _

ALFIE: So I heard a rumor that Vera's parents were going out of town this weekend

JOHNNY: Ooh, interesting, house party or, _(nudging HANSON playfully)_ private party, Danny, if you know what I mean.

DANNY: We've been through this, Johnny, we always know what you mean

HANSON: I thought Vera was in hot shit, why are her parent's going out of town and leaving her alone like that?

JOHNNY: God knows, usually the Lampton's avoid leaving their daughter alone in the house at all costs, especially after her sister

ALFIE: They have no idea what you're talking about, Johnny. They just moved here.

JOHNNY: Oh yeah, what am I thinking! Has Vera mentioned anything about her sister to you guys?

PENHALL: No, not that I remember

JOHNNY: Well you see it was a couple of years back, we were still in elementary school when this all went down, but Vera's older sister, what was her name again?

DANNY: Priss

JOHNNY: Oh, right, Priss, well, Priss was this real wild child, always out partying, a ton of fun to be around from what I understand, real spontaneous

ALFIE: Johnny, focus

JOHNNY: Right, well, anyways, at the end of her sophomore year she ends up getting pregnant, which as you can imagine in a town like this, caused a huge scandal. I mean we were hearing about it in elementary school, I can't imagine what things were like for her in the high school

PENHALL: What happened?

JOHNNY: Well she ended up keeping it, kept attending school right up until the birth, too. Apparently she's got a real stubborn streak

HANSON: _(Under his breath) _I'll say

ALFIE: What?

HANSON: I'd imagine, attending school all the way through her pregnancy like that. What happened to her?

JOHNNY: No one really knows. She stayed a month or so after the birth, then she and the baby just took off one day. The Lampton's barely ever talk about her anymore, and if you bring Priss up you'd better be ready to have your head bitten off. I bet Charlotte and Rich Lampton are about the only two people in this town who know where Priss is nowadays, I don't think the Gatter's even know

HANSON: The Gatter's?

JOHNNY: Kyle Gatter, the father. Eh, he was the youngest, so all of the Gatter's have long since graduated by now, but a couple of them still live in town. They don't really talk about the whole ordeal either. I think everyone involved just wants to forget about it.

HANSON: But what about Priss?

ALFIE: What about her?

HANSON: Doesn't anyone ever wonder if she's okay? If the baby's okay?

ALFIE: Never really thought about it, I don't think anyone really does.

JOHNNY: I'll tell you this, though, things were a hell of a lot more interesting when Priss Lampton lived here. That girl was legendary.

DANNY: Hey, pass that tool box over here, I think I may have found the main problem

ALFIE: Yeah, sure, no problem

JOHNNY: _(to HANSON and PENHALL)_ Hey, you two busy tonight?

_(PENHALL and HANSON exchange looks)_

PENHALL: No, not really

HANSON: Jus the usual homework to ignore

JOHNNY: Meet us tonight at ten outside the school

PENHALL: Sure thing

HANSON: Why? What's up?

ALFIE: We'll tell you when you get there

DANNY: But trust us, it'll be worth your while

PENHALL: I bet

_HOSPITAL. IOKI stands outside his GRANDMOTHER'S ROOM. The DOCTOR approaches him, looking grim. IOKI merely nods._

DOCTOR: I'm sorry, Harry

IOKI: You did your best, that's all I ask

DOCTOR: Would you like to say goodbye?

IOKI: How much longer do you think she has left?

DOCTOR: Only a few hours, I would suppose

IOKI: I'll sit with her then, thank-you for all that you've done.

DOCTOR: I'll make sure she's comfortable

IOKI: I appreciate that

_(IOKI enters his GRANDMOTHER'S ROOM and goes to her bedside, pulling up a chair. He sits quietly a moment, taking everything in. After a moment, he reaches over and takes her hand)_

IOKI: I'm sorry, Grandmother. I'm sorry I dragged you all the way over here for nothing.

GRANDMOTHER: _(Weakly) _It wasn't for nothing, I got to see how my grandson has grown up. And that will never be nothing.

IOKI: But I changed my name, denied my past

GRANDMOTHER: Pst—details, who really ever cared for details. Now, Harry, is it? Tell me about your life here. I want to know everything.

IOKI: _(Upset) _I have been living as Harry Truman Ioki for quite some time, as a police officer

_LATER. JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. HOFFS and LAMPTON sit in a tense silence. FULLER and "BLOWFISH" watch from the other side of the room uncomfortably. "BLOWFISH" turns to FULLER._

"BLOWFISH": We have to do something, Captain. We can't just leave them like that.

FULLER: I honestly thought this would have all blown over by now

"BLOWFISH": Priss? Forget something like that? I doubt if she's forgiven someone who cut in front of her in line in first grade.

FULLER: True

"BLOWFISH": So you agree, what should we do?

FULLER: Let things work out in their own time. We can't force anything, and besides, I have vowed to never get involved with these matters again. It's truly tiring being involved.

"BLOWFISH": But, Captain

_(HANSON and PENHALL enter escorting ALFIE, JOHNNY, DANNY, and VERA into the building, all of them protesting loudly. LAMPTON sits in a stunned silence seeing her sister for the first time in seven years, VERA merely gives LAMPTON an icy glare. HANSON and PENHALL lead them all into the small JUMPSTREET CELL.)_

FULLER: All of them?

HANSON: We're not sure, but some of them

_(LAMPTON stands up and rushes over to VERA, who is being escorted with DANNY by HANSON.)_

LAMPTON: Vera has nothing to do with this, Hanson, let her go!

VERA: What the hell are you doing here, Priss?

LAMPTON: I work here, Vera. Now what the hell are you doing here!

DANNY: Priss? You mean that's your sister?

VERA: None of your business, Priss, butt out

LAMPTON: Don't do this Hanson, that's my little sister.

VERA: I don't want your help, Priss!

HANSON: I have to, Priss, she might be involved

LAMPTON: She can't be involved, it's just not possible

_(HANSON and PENHALL place ALFIE, JOHNNY, DANNY, and VERA into the JUMPSTREET CELL, despite their protests.)_

JOHNNY: I can't believe you two were narcs the whole time!

PENHALL: We get that a lot

DANNY: Well we didn't do nothin'

HANSON: Danny, you were the one driving the stolen car

DANNY: How was I supposed to know it was stolen?

HANSON: I'm pretty sure you figured that one out when you hot wired the engine to get it going, plus the fact that you took it from the school

ALFIE: It's our school project, maybe we wanted just a little extra time working on the engine

LAMPTON: What the hell does my sister have to do with any of this?

HANSON: Lampton, calm down

LAMPTON: No, no I won't calm down, Hanson! You've arrested my baby sister!

HANSON: So did Penhall

LAMPTON: Penhall didn't escort her inside and put her in a cell

HANSON: Technicality

LAMPTON: It still matters to me!

VERA: Stop trying to help me, Priss!

LAMPTON: What the hell did you do, Vera?

VERA: Nothing

LAMPTON: Then why did these two idiots arrest you?

PENHALL and HANSON: Hey!

PENHALL: Actually that was probably more to you, I didn't screw her over, instead I offered to buy her coffee.

HANSON: You're probably right

PENHALL: I still take a little offence to being lumped in with you, I mean just because I'm your partner doesn't mean I should get half the blame

HANSON: But it was because of your stupid line up of blind dates that I met Annie in the first place

PENHALL: All your decisions man, I was not involved

LAMPTON: Would you two shut up? I'm trying to figure out what's going on with my baby sister!

VERA: Stop calling me that!

LAMPTON: Calling you what?

VERA: Your baby sister! I'm not a baby, and we may be sisters by blood but you sure as hell have done a dandy job showin' it these past seven years!

LAMPTON: I wrote you

VERA: Yeah in the beginning, where the hell are those letters now? God, you couldn't even manage to drop by and visit me every once in a while?

LAMPTON: You saw what things were like for me in Cedar, I had to get the hell out of there, and I wasn't coming back unless a gun was pointed to my head

VERA: So abandoning your sister was just collateral damage?

LAMPTON: I didn't mean to abandon you, Vera. But you have to think of things from my point of view, I had Emma to think about. I didn't want her growing up in Cedar, that would have been hell for her.

VERA: Things would have died down, Priss! You were sixteen at the time, of course people were gonna talk!

LAMPTON: You don't get it, Vera! I had always been the subject of town gossip, that I was used to! People changed though after Emma, treated me differently, and not in a good way. It was like living in a dirty fishbowl in desperate need of a cleaning. I was suffocating. I had to get out of there. Especially before Emma was old enough to realize that she was being treated like a leper.

VERA: Don't use Emma as an excuse, Priss, you always wanted to get out of there.

LAMPTON: Not like that I didn't

_(CHARLOTTE LAMPTON and RICH LAMPTON enter the CHAPEL, CHARLOTTE LAMPTON leading in a rushed walk. LAMPTON'S back is to them, they don't recognize her at first. THEY see VERA standing in the CELL and rush faster, half upset with VERA, half worried.)_

CHARLOTTE LAMPTON: Vera Elizabeth Lampton!

FULLER: Something I can help you with?

CHARLOTTE LAMPTON: Yes, my name is Charlotte Lampton, I would like to know on what grounds has my daughter been arrested?

_(HOFFS, HANSON, "BLOWFISH", and PENHALL all look over at CHARLOTTE and RICH LAMPTON in shock. LAMPTON tenses up, a sudden panic taking over her. VERA rolls her eyes and takes a seat next to DANNY in the cell. DANNY, ALFIE, and JOHNNY all watch amused as the Lampton family drama continues to play out in front of them.)_

FULLER: Charlotte Lampton?

CHARLOTTE LAMPTON: _(Annoyed) _Yes, that's my daughter, Vera Lampton, in your jail cell. The only girl in the cell. Hence you've arrested my daughter. Now I would like to know why.

_(LAMPTON slowly turns around to face CHARLOTTE and RICH LAMPTON. They take a moment, then CHARLOTTE gasps in surprise.)_

LAMPTON: Hey, Mom, Dad

RICH LAMPTON: Why on earth would you call your sister to bail you out, Vera?

VERA: I didn't

RICH LAMPTON: Then why is she…

LAMPTON: I work here, Dad

CHARLOTTE LAMPTON: No you don't, you work as a maid at that motel place

LAMPTON: It was hotel, and I haven't worked there since I got my GED. I'm a cop, Ma.

CHARLOTTE LAMPTON: So you arrested your little sister! God! What a fantastic family reunion, I'm just disappointed I didn't think to bring the camera.

LAMPTON: I didn't arrest her, Officers Hanson and Penhall did, and I'm sure they have their reasons

PENHALL: _(Whispering to HANSON) _Oh, now we have our reasons, before we were just two idiots who must have made a mistake

LAMPTON: I'm right next to you, Penhall

PENHALL: Oh—right, but my point still stands

HOFFS: Not now, Penhall

FULLER: Would you three like some privacy?

LAMPTON: No, we're fine, Captain. I'll just leave, that's what they want anyways.

VERA: Besides, you've already proved that you're fantastic at it

LAMPTON: That's enough, Vera! I'm sorry that I left, but it was my only option! It wasn't like I was leaving you to grow up on a box somewhere on the streets! I'm sorry that I screwed up, but I had to deal with the consequences the best way I knew how!

_(LAMPTON angrily turns and gathers up her things, booking it towards the exit. CHARLOTTE and RICH LAMPTON just stand there, stunned. HANSON watches LAMPTON, as she tries to hide her tears, wanting to reach out and comfort her. HOFFS, "BLOWFISH", PENHALL, and FULLER watch the entire drama play out in a stunned silence.)_

LAMPTON: _(to CHARLOTTE and RICH LAMPTON) _I'm sorry I screwed everything up again, but what did you really expect, it's what I do, right?

_(LAMPTON exits. The CHAPEL falls into silence.)_

HANSON: You know, she may not be perfect, but she's done her best. The least you could do is take a minute to find out who your sister and your daughter has grown up into.

_(HANSON exits after LAMPTON)_

_OUTSIDE THE CHAPEL. LAMPTON sits on the steps, crying into her hands. HANSON pauses a moment, trying to think of the best thing to say to comfort her. He slowly inches towards her, and places a hand on her back. LAMPTON cries harder, and HANSON envelopes her into a hug._

"_Just Like a Woman" (Bob Dylan) begins._

_Nobody feels any pain_

_Tonight as I stand inside the rain  
Evrybody knows  
That babys got new clothes  
But lately I see her ribbons and her bows  
Have fallen from her curls.  
She takes just like a woman, yes, she does  
She makes love just like a woman, yes, she does  
And she aches just like a woman  
But she breaks just like a little girl._

_END CREDITS._


	22. 12: Afterwords

**21 Jumpstreet**

_Afterwards _

_OPENING CREDITS._

_JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. IOKI sits alone in the dark, dressed in his suit from his GRANDMOTHER'S FUNERAL. He looks upset, and sips on a cup of coffee. HANSON and ANNIE enter, unaware of IOKI at first. They are also still in their funeral clothing, but do not have the same somber demeanor as IOKI. When HANSON sees IOKI, he looks to ANNIE, who gives him a simple nod. They walk over to IOKI and take a seat next to him. HANSON gives IOKI a friendly, reassuring squeeze of the shoulder, and ANNIE squeezes his hand gently._

HANSON: She seemed like an amazing woman, Ioks

IOKI: She really was

HANSON: You remember much about her?

IOKI: A little of this and that. Nothing too spectacular, but I was a kid, I had more important things on my mind then bonding with my grandma, right?

ANNIE: Harry, what's important is you remembered her. You never forgot her, and you where there for her when she needed you, no questions asked.

IOKI: I just wish I had gotten to know her better, y'know? I sat in that room with her, telling her about my life, and hearing about hers, and thinking how much this woman who had been such a huge part of my life in Vietnam was now a stranger to me.

HANSON: But you got to know her, at least a little bit. Not everyone would sit by her bedside like that, Ioks.

_(HOFFS and PENHALL enter, also dressed in funeral clothes. HOFFS gives IOKI a friendly, comforting hug and a kiss on the cheek, and PENHALL a reassuring pat on the shoulder. They take seats next to HANSON and ANNIE around the table.)_

HOFFS: I'm so sorry, Harry.

PENHALL: How you holdin' up, man?

IOKI: I'm holdin'

PENHALL: Well, we're here for you, man, whatever you need.

IOKI: Thanks, Doug.

_(LAMPTON and EMMA enter quietly. LAMPTON walks over to the table, and places a hand on IOKI'S shoulder.)_

LAMPTON: I'm sorry for your loss, Harry.

_(LAMPTON and EMMA take a seat. HANSON looks awkwardly at the table, unsure of what to say. HOFFS looks sympathetically at LAMPTON, then to PENHALL, who gives her an encouraging nod and smile, but she says silent, unsure of how to start the conversation. ANNIE looks to HANSON, then back to LAMPTON and EMMA.)_

IOKI: How you holdin' up, Priss?

LAMPTON: Today's not about me, Harry

PENHALL: Still, Priss, that couldn't have been easy seeing your family like that. And now with your sister's involvement in the car smuggling ring

LAMPTON: Penhall, please, not now _(looks to EMMA)_. There's still a lot I need to explain.

ANNIE: _(Sensing the awkward shift in conversation) (to EMMA) _So you must be Emma, right?

EMMA: Yep

ANNIE: I'm Annie, I'm friends with your mom's friend Tom.

EMMA: Are you a police officer too?

ANNIE: No, I'm a teacher, actually.

EMMA: Then how do you know Uncle Tom?

ANNIE: Well

LAMPTON: Annie and Tom, they're good friends, like Uncle Jesse and Aunt Becky are good friends on _Full House_.

PENHALL: Ooh, I love that show _(everyone looks, PENHALL stands proud) _judge me all you want, Michelle is adorable. You can't help but smile every time she says, 'you got it, dude.' Warms the heart.

HANSON: Way to be manly, Doug

EMMA: Oh, okay, I get it. They're boyfriend, girlfriend.

LAMPTON: Exactly

_(FULLER enters, wearing this funeral attire, but holding a case folder. With a sigh, he walks directly over to the group, taking a seat at the table.)_

FULLER: I hate to break this up with work stuff, but _(holds up the folder) _duty calls.

IOKI: What's up, Captain?

FULLER: It's nothing major, just transport.

PENHALL: Not it

HANSON: We did it last time, it's totally Hoffs, Ioki, or Lampton's turn.

FULLER: Actually, it's just Hoffs and Lampton's turn according to the turn cycle.

PEHALL: Ha!

HOFFS: You do realize we're dating right?

PENHALL: Sometimes I forget

HANSON: But if you have to do transport, you're not getting any and you're doing transport, and if you piss her off you're not getting any, but you're not doing transport. I think we all know the best option here.

ANNIE: _(Sarcastically) _I'm so glad we're dating

HOFFS: I'm thinking about switching to Ioki, personally.

PENHALL: Hey!

IOKI: Captain, I can do the transport if it's really an issue.

FULLER: Not only is it not your turn, Harry, but I want you to take some time off. No, wait, I'm ordering you to take some time off. Nobody's expecting you to jump right back in, Harry, this was a tuff blow, take some time to get things in order.

IOKI: Can I get things in order in the Chapel?

FULLER: Today only, tomorrow I expect you to be in your apartment, place of worship, a park, or where ever you go to get some peace of mind.

IOKI: Understood, Captain.

FULLER: Good _(to LAMPTON and HOFFS) _Now, as for you two _(hands LAMPTON and HOFFS their own copy of the case folder) _I need you two to transport Annabelle Keener and Evan Jackson

HOFFS: The Bonnie and Clyde of gas station robberies?

FULLER: You got it

HOFFS: God they've been on the news every five minutes since they were caught by that mall cop

PENHALL: So has the mall cop, I hear they're giving him his own TV show. I wish I had a TV show.

LAMPTON: Something like _Full House_?

PENHALL: I stand by my statement

FULLER: Whatever, yes, it's the same couple formally bent on robbing every gas station in the state. They're being held at a temporary site up in Walker, where they were captured making purchases at a local mall with some of their stolen cash, but need to be transferred here for trail. Apparently they robbed more stations in our district, so we get the trial.

LAMPTON: Walker? Huh, isn't that in Indiana?

FULLER: Yes it is, Lampton

HOFFS: Wouldn't that be a fed case then?

FULLER: They didn't rob any gas stations in Indiana, the Feds were happy to give us jurisdiction

HOFFS: Goody

LAMPTON: That's still quite a drive from here, Captain.

FULLER: Better gas up the police cruiser

LAMPTON: Ah, man a police cruiser?

FULLER: Yep, this is official business, you'll need an official car. That, and, I don't think your car is the most reliable, Hoffs. And Lampton, do you even own a car?

LAMPTON: I have a seven year old, Captain, do you really like I have money left over?

EMMA: She doesn't, she complains about that a lot

LAMPTON: Tattle-tale

EMMA: You told on yourself first!

LAMPTON: Right, shoot, you're getting smarter now

EMMA: And bigger

LAMPTON: Yeah, you gotta stop that

ANNIE: Will you need a babysitter, Priss? I'm sure me and Tom would be more than happy to watch Emma while you're busy, if you're interested.

_(LAMPTON looks up, ANNIE smiles hesitantly, and looks to HANSON nervously. HANSON looks surprised more than anything else, and LAMPTON stutters a moment, thinking of a response. EMMA giggles in excitement.)_

EMMA: Oooh, can I mom?

LAMPTON: If you're sure if you want to deal with this little terror. I mean she may look cute, but you haven't tried to put her to bed yet, real nightmare.

EMMA: Mom!

HOFFS: It is quite a drive to Indiana, and with all the hassles of changing custody, we'll probably be gone a day and a half, two days.

FULLER: They're high profile, I'd bet on two. But the department will cover all of your expenses.

LAMPTON: Not really selling it, Captain. Transport still sucks.

ANNIE: Well, we're free.

LAMPTON: Thanks, Annie, I guess it would actually work out really well, as my roommate, Phoebe, is in Phoenix this week, if it's all right with Hanson.

HANSON: We'd love to have her.

_(EMMA completely unaware of the tension growing between HANSON and LAMPTON, gives a squeal of excitement. ANNIE watches the interplay, an informed third party trying to fix a problem she does not understand. HANSON gives a weak smile, and LAMPTON smiles back uncomfortably.)_

EMMA: Yes! Can we go bowling, Uncle Tom?

LAMPTON: Em

HANSON: Of course

EMMA: And get pizza?

LAMPTON: I'll leave pizza money, but only if you behave. You give them any trouble, and I'll tell them to give you nothing but salad.

EMMA: No!

LAMPTON: Then you're gonna behave, right?

EMMA: Yes

LAMPTON: Okay. _(To HANSON and ANNIE) _I'll just pack her stuff tonight, get her off to school tomorrow morning, then can you guys pick her up after school?

ANNIE: Of course, you can fill us in on the details later

LAMPTON: Eh, Hanson knows most of them.

FULLER: Now that we have that settled, can we get back to the case?

LAMPTON: Sorry, Captain

FULLER: You'll need to leave tomorrow morning, please call at the specified check points, as detailed in the case folder, which I expect you two to study up and be able to recite word for word tomorrow morning.

LAMPTON: Wouldn't expect you to accept anything less, Captain

FULLER: Good to hear

_LATER. BAR. HANSON, PENHALL, and FULLER sit around a table drinking a pitcher of beer. _

HANSON: You really think it's smart to put Hoffs and Lampton together in a small, enclosed space?

PENHALL: Especially with two innocent bystanders

HANSON: Actually, they might act more like witnesses. I'm pretty sure Lampton wouldn't harm someone that didn't do anything to her first, and Hoffs, well, Hoffs knows the law too well to try and kill without motive. You get more time for a senseless killing.

PENHALL: Really?

HANSON: As long as they stay quiet, they're safe

PENHALL: They're dead

FULLER: Guys, guys

PENHALL: You okay with having two not-so-innocent teenagers blood on your hands? I mean, you're literally feeding them to the lions.

FULLER: Lampton and Hoffs will be fine. They're professionals.

HANSON: Yeah, cause we usually stop them from going for each other's throats. You have no idea how important it is that we are present.

FULLER: You saying you want to go, Hanson?

HANSON: Well, I mean, I've already promised I'd babysit Emma, so, y'know

PENHALL: I just plain don't wanna do it, Captain

FULLER: Then trust me a little. Maybe it'll be good for them to get at each other's throats for a minute or two.

PENHALL: Captain, I know the department is under some serious budget restraints, but do you really think a murder suicide is the way to go? Especially since I'm dating one of them!

FULLER: Penhall!

PENHALL: What?

FULLER: Don't you think it will be good for Hoffs and Lampton to work out their issues without you two idiots babysitting them every minute?

HANSON: Huh?

FULLER: I'll let you in on a little secret about women, guys. They need to fight. Keeping it bottled up is about the worst thing they can do. That's when things get ugly, because that's when it gets psychological. Let them fight, they'll be best friends again within minutes. _(Pause) _Well, maybe not minutes with these two, but eventually. And quicker than separating them.

HANSON: Seriously, Captain?

PENHALL: That's about the dumbest thing I've ever heard

FULLER: Just wait and see, gentlemen, just wait and see.

_THE NEXT DAY. HANSON'S APARTMENT. HANSON and HOFFS stand in the background while LAMPTON gives ANNIE a notebook full of contract information, route details, instructions, and rules to ANNIE while verbally going over it all. ANNIE nods along, obviously amused by LAMPTON'S concern over leaving her daughter for a few days. _

LAMPTON: And again, the doctor's numbers, names, and specialties are listed alphabetically on the first page. Trust me, if their secretary says they're not in, insist that they are, and magically the doctor shows up decently quick.

ANNIE: Priss, Priss, it's okay. We got it.

LAMPTON: And bedtime is at nine thirty. She'll try and campaign for ten, but she needs to go to sleep at nine or she'll be really cranky the next morning and when she's cranky at school I get letters home from the teachers about her needing sleep, and I'm trying to show them that I am a capable parent so they don't send any child protection people out to my house

ANNIE: Priss

LAMPTON: What? They would, they don't like me. I think it has something to do with the fact that when they met me I had pink hair, that didn't really say responsible parent. The fart jokes didn't help much either. But Emma loves them!

ANNIE: Priss, go. We've got this.

HOFFS: Really, Priss, you're leaving Emma in the best hands.

HANSON: Not helping, Jude

LAMPTON: Just because we're working as partners again doesn't mean all is forgiven, Judy.

HANSON: See?

HOFFS: Just trying to move things along

LAMPTON: Have her give me a call tonight, all right? And make sure she at least eats half her veggies, she's been being a real pain about that recently.

ANNIE: If we have any problems, which I doubt that we will with this kind of detailed instruction, we'll be sure to give you a call, Priss, all right? Pinky swear.

LAMPTON: Okay, just take care of my baby, okay?

ANNIE: Everything will be fine, Priss. I promise.

LAMPTON: Okay. Thanks for doing this.

ANNIE: We're more than happy to.

_LATER. JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. HANSON, PENHALL, FULLER, and "BLOWFISH" sit around the CONFERENCE TABLE playing poker. The CHAPEL is empty and without its usual chaos as they play cards, laugh, and bond. IOKI enters with a case a beer and a pizza._

IOKI: Somebody special order?

PENHALL: You're a vision, Harry!

FULLER: I thought I told you to stay away from the chapel, for awhile, Ioki.

IOKI: No, you told me to stay away from work, and to get some piece of mind. And, holding this case of beer on duty police officers will be unable to drink—

HANSON and PENHALL: _(Disappointed) _Ooh

IOKI: Now those faces definitely cheer me up, but back to the point, this is completely un-work related.

FULLER: I see your point, we're happy to have you, Harry.

"BLOWFISH": Now pull up a chair, so we can take advantage of your poker playing skills

HANSON: Harry, he kicked our asses last time.

PENHALL: Handed them to us on a plate

HANSON: More like a golden platter

PENHALL: You should never bet against Ioki. You'll lose.

HANSON: Everything

PENHALL: Including your manhood

HANSON: Well, you already lost that, Penhall

PENHALL: What? What do you mean?

FULLER: When you said that you liked _Full House_.

"BLOWFISH": We all heard that, Penhall

IOKI: You really think something like that was gonna stay quiet?

HANSON: My mother knows about it. She's told her book club, they thought it was a riot. Want to know your opinions on John Stamos.

FULLER: Hell, my ex-wife knows about it.

PENHALL: You guys suck

_ON THE ROAD in the POLICE CRUSIER. HOFFS drives while LAMPTON sits shotgun. They have not reached their destination, so they are alone and sit in an uncomfortable silence. HOFFS looks over to LAMPTON, and attempts to speak several times before she is finally able to._

HOFFS: I'm sorry about you and Hanson.

LAMPTON: It's my own damn fault

HOFFS: Still, it sucks

LAMPTON: Been through worse

HOFFS: You wanna talk about it?

LAMPTON: I'm good

_(They fall back into silence)_

HOFFS: Emma will love spending time with Hanson, though. I hate to admit it, but I know he's her favorite. I keep telling myself it's just because he bowls, but you never know.

LAMPTON: Sure

HOFFS: Do you know who Emma's favorite is?

LAMPTON: Yep

HOFFS: Who is it?

LAMPTON: Me

HOFFS: Oh, well, I suppose that would make sense.

_(They fall back into silence. HOFFS angrily swerves off to the side of the road and stops the car abruptly. LAMPTON turns to her in an angry surprise.)_

LAMPTON: What the hell, Hoffs?

HOFFS: No, Lampton, what the hell is wrong with you? I'm trying to make amends here, but you're making damn sure that doesn't happen!

LAMPTON: What if I don't want to make amends, Hoffs? Huh? Ever think of that?

HOFFS: Well, I want to, dammit, so deal. You're my best friend in that place, and I'll be damned if I see you walk out of me just because you're too scared to stick things out just as they get tuff!

LAMPTON: I don't know what the hell you're talking about

HOFFS: God, Priss, you do it with everyone and everything except Emma. You've always had one foot out the door! With me, with Condor, with Jump Street! Look, I understand that you've had a crappy life, that doesn't give you license to be a bitch

LAMPTON: What if I just am one naturally?

HOFFS: You're not, not matter how much you like to pretend that you are. You're not made of stone, people can and have broken you. You're glass, Priss, just like the rest of us.

LAMPTON: I am not glass.

HOFFS: You are, and you've been broken. Big deal. You think you're the first person to ever have their life not go according to plan? God, you can be so self-centered sometimes!

LAMPTON: God, what is this, Judy? What is the point of any of this? You really think that by attacking me and yelling at me, you're gonna fix me? Jesus Christ.

HOFFS: I just want to know why you keep everyone at arm's length, Priss, and drop them the second things start to go a little wrong. I'll let you in on a little secret, people will always get into fights. It's human nature. Friends, lovers, enemies, it doesn't matter. All that matters is that you stick around long enough to get back to the good times for the ones worth suffering for.

LAMPTON: Thanks, Oprah, I'll certainly take that little tidbit to heart. Now can we get back on the road before we die of old age?

HOFFS: Will you stop acting like this?

LAMPTON: I'm only sitting in the car, Hoffs. That's all that I was asked to do, and that's all my job requires me to do. Nothing about this assignment said that we had to kiss and make up.

HOFFS: I'm sorry he left you, Priss, but you can't take it out on me.

LAMPTON: I left Eli.

HOFFS: That's not what I'm talking about

_JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. Camera is tight on HANSON, who holds his cards just slightly below his eyes and looks around the table suspiciously. Camera zooms out, revealing FULLER, IOKI, PENHALL, and "BLOWFISH" still sitting around the table. IOKI is the only other one holding cards, and FULLER and "BLOWFISH" sit behind him anxiously. PENHALL sits by HANSON, rubbing his shoulders like a coach in the ring._

PENHALL: You got this, Tommy boy, Harry's got nothing on you

FULLER: Oh, I wouldn't say that, Doug

PENHALL: Please get this, Tommy boy, I've got like five pizzas and a round of beers riding on this. And I'm poor, so if you screw this up

HANSON: Thanks, man

PENHALL: Welcome

IOKI: You ready, Hanson?

"BLOWFISH": I can't look

HANSON: Born ready, Harry

_(HANSON and IOKI lay down their cards. PENHALL, through closed eyes screams out in agony, assuming that HANSON has the lower hand, but as it turns out HANSON has the stronger hand. HANSON, IOKI, FULLER, and "BLOWFISH" all react, then stay silent, turning to look at PENHALL. PENHALL removes his hand from his face, and looks at the cards.)_

PENHALL: Oh. Knew you'd beat him all along, bud.

HANSON: Thanks, man.

PENHALL: Any time, Hanson

_(There's a moment of silence, then "BLOWFISH" begins chuckling.)_

"BLOWFISH": Dude

PENHALL: What?

"BLOWFISH": First Full House then this, dude.

PENHALL: What?

IOKI: Dude

PENHALL: What?!

_POLICE CAR. LAMPTON is driving while HOFFS sits stewing in the passenger's seat. HOFFS sits contently listening to the music on the radio, while LAMPTON appears irritated behind the wheel. She eventually snaps._

LAMPTON: What the hell did you mean?

HOFFS: Huh?

LAMPTON: Who left me? Emma's dad? Well, no shit he left me, he left me high and dry, but I think I'm doing pretty damn well without him if you ask me.

HOFFS: Think about it, Priss.

LAMPTON: I have been thinking about it! And I can't think of who you're talking about! I left Eli! I left him because it wasn't fair, I never liked him as much as he liked me. I thought I was doing the mature thing for once.

HOFFS: You did do the mature thing!

LAMPTON: Then what did you mean by that?

HOFFS: What do you think?

LAMPTON: Don't play this game, Hoffs.

HOFFS: I'm not playing any games, Lampton. I just need you to admit the real reason why you're still so angry with me.

LAMPTON: I'm angry with you because you were a shit friend!

HOFFS: No, you're angry at me because things worked out for me and Penhall!

LAMPTON: We're not fifteen, Jude. You're allowed to have a successful relationship, especially ones that you tell me about! God, sometimes I think you think I was emotionally stunted at the age of twelve and am incapable of handling adult situations.

HOFFS: You can't take it out on me anymore, Priss. I'm sick of this, I just want to be friends. I wouldn't be sticking around like this if I thought you weren't worth my time.

LAMPTON: Don't give me that shit, Hoffs.

HOFFS: It's not, Priss. I love you, idiocy and all. I hope you still love me despite mine.

LAMPTON: Don't play me off as the bad guy, Jude. What the hell have you been doing to make this friendship better?

HOFFS: I'm reaching out now, aren't I?

LAMPTON: Yeah, you're reaching out like I'm some sad little broken puppy. Where were you before this Condor, Hanson thing hit the fan? Oh, yeah, too busy doing it with your new secret boyfriend.

HOFFS: We didn't tell anyone, Priss. It was new, we didn't want to complicate things.

LAMPTON: You could have told me, Jude. I told you about me and Hanson. I trusted you not to tell and complicate things. Did you not trust me?

HOFFS: I didn't want to rub my happiness in your face

LAMPTON: What makes you think that I couldn't put aside my own issues and be happy for you?

HOFFS: How many times do I have to apologize for that, Priss?

LAMPTON: As many times as it takes for you to mean it.

HOFFS: I'm sorry, Priss. I screwed up. I screwed up bad. I'm sorry that I hurt you, that I didn't trust you, and I'm sorry for being an overall shit friend these past couple of weeks. Can you accept my apology?

_CHAPEL. HANSON sits at his desk working on paperwork, while FULLER, IOKI, and PENHALL all stand together at the door, dressed to go outside, and looking to HANSON._

IOKI: Dude, you're sure you don't want to come with us to get some food?

HANSON: I'm good, Harry. I could use the time to catch up on my paperwork.

PENHALL: He doesn't want to go, now come on, I'm starving!

HANSON: Glad you want me to come, Doug.

PENHALL: Just respecting your wishes, Tom.

_(ANNIE and EMMA enter)_

FULLER: Hey Annie

ANNIE: Hey, Adam, I'm not interrupting anything am I?

FULLER: No, not at all.

IOKI: Just a couple of off-duty police officers drinking in a police station.

PENHALL: More like leaving a police station before their stomach begins eating itself!

IOKI: That too

ANNIE: _(Chuckles) _All right, all right. I just needed to borrow Tom for a moment. You boys enjoy your lunch!

PENHALL: No worries, we will. See you later, Emma!

EMMA: Bye, Doug!

_(PENHALL, FULLER, and IOKI exit)_

HANSON: What's up, Annie?

ANNIE: Emergency parent-teacher conference down at the school. Trying to come up with a plan to help a failing student succeed and not follow in his brother's footsteps and become a dealer of epic proportions. You may be familiar with the case.

HANSON: Pretty sure I busted the guy

ANNIE: Do you mind watching Emma then?

HANSON: Not at all

ANNIE: All right, I'll only be an hour or so. Thanks for this, I know you're swamped.

HANSON: It's not a problem, Ann. It's Emma, she practically watches herself.

ANNIE: All right, see you soon. _(Bends down to EMMA'S level) _You excited to hang out with Tom for an hour or so?

EMMA: Of course!

ANNIE: All right then, kiddo, I'll see you in a bit!

_(ANNIE exits)_

HANSON: So, popcorn or chips?

EMMA: Popcorn, duh.

HANSON: I'm so gonna win this time at Go Fish.

EMMA: You wish!

HANSON: All right, let's pull out the cards. Let's do this.

EMMA: Bring it.

_WALKER POLICE STATION. LAMPTON and HOFFS enter in a tense silence. The OFFICERS of the STATION are busy at work, looking much more formal than the JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. They walk to the MAIN DESK where a young OFFICER sits diligently waiting. The OFFICER is a young woman in her early twenties, smiling cheerily. She has a Puppy of the Day Calendar sitting out next to freshly picked flowers and other homey knick-knacks. Behind her is a poster of a kitten hanging on by its claws saying "Hang in There!"_

OFFICER: _(Perkily) _Something I can help you with, ladies?

HOFFS: Yes, we're officers Hoffs and Lampton here to pick up and transport Annabelle Keener and Evan Jackson.

_(HOFFS and LAMPTON flash their badges)_

OFFICER: Oh, we've been expecting you. Annabelle and Evan have caused quite the stir around here!

HOFFS: I'd imagine. They've caused quite the stir everywhere.

OFFICER: I'll call for Captain Andres, he'll be able to handle the transfer arrangements from here. He's such a kind man, you'll be sure to love him, everybody does. Oh, and I think Andy and Callie, the arresting officers, will want to talk with you, seeing as how they've spent the most time with Evan and Anna. Also two stand-up officers, probably the best in the district. And you'd never know that they're an item! Real professional those two.

HOFFS: That's nice

OFFICER: Oh, look at me go! I'm holding you two up!

LAMPTON: Oh no, I wouldn't say that

OFFICER: Silly me, I can talk for hours! I'll go and get the Captain for you;.

LAMPTON: We'll wait here

OFFICER: Back in a jiff!

LAMPTON: Okay

_(The OFFICER walks off quickly, but still maintaining her perky demeanor)_

LAMPTON: Oh my god

HOFFS: I think I actually saw sunshine and rainbows escaping from her mouth as she talked.

LAMPTON: I could have sworn a unicorn ran by when she described the captain

HOFFS: It's a miracle it missed the dancing elves

LAMPTON: Can I shoot her?

HOFFS: I think it would only make the world a better place

_(OFFICER returns with CAPTAIN ANDRES)_

OFFICER: Sorry about that, thanks for waiting, Captain Andres, this is Officer Lampton and Officer Hoffs from Jump Street, Officers Lampton and Hoffs this is Captain Andres.

CAPTAIN ANDRES: Nice to meet you, ladies

HOFFS: You as well, Captain Andres

CAPTAIN ANDRES: Let's continue this conversation in my office

_JUMPSTREET CHAPEL. HANSON and EMMA sit together eating popcorn, drinking pops, and playing Go Fish! EMMA is beating HANSON, with almost half the deck in pairs. HANSON sits seriously looking at EMMA, and EMMA gives him her best mock serious face._

HANSON: Hmm…Emma, do you have any…fours?

EMMA: Go fish

HANSON: Ah, no!

EMMA: You stink at this game

HANSON: Maybe I'm just letting you win

EMMA: Whatever you have to tell yourself to feel better about losing to a seven year old.

HANSON: Has anyone told you you're exactly like your mother?

EMMA: All the time

_(VERA LAMPTON enters the CHAPEL nervously. HANSON looks up, looks to EMMA, then back to VERA. Upon seeing HANSON, VERA becomes even more nervous.)_

VERA: If this isn't a good time

HANSON: No, no, Vera, it's fine. Works a little slow right now, I'm the only one here.

EMMA: Who's that?

_(EMMA turns to look at VERA. VERA recognizes EMMA immediately, but EMMA looks blankly at VERA. She turns back to HANSON, disinterested in VERA.)_

VERA: Is she?

HANSON: Yeah

VERA: Oh wow. Where's Priss?

HANSON: Case, I'm watching Emma for her.

VERA: _(Disappointed) _Oh, well, I guess I'll just—

HANSON: No, Vera, stay, play a hand with us.

EMMA: What? You don't want to lose to just a seven year old? Now you have to lose to a teenager too?

HANSON: If you ever say that you beat me, I'll deny it to the death

EMMA: _(Laughs) _You're silly, Tom

HANSON: Emma, this is Vera, Vera this is Emma

_(VERA walks over and sits down with HANSON and EMMA, she can't keep her eyes off EMMA, but tries to maintain her composure.)_

EMMA: Hi, Vera, it's very nice to meet you

VERA: It's very nice to meet you as well, Emma.

EMMA: You know, I have an Aunt named Vera. I haven't met her before though, my mom's kinda weird about that stuff, I don't really know why.

VERA: Sometimes things are just complicated

EMMA: That's what she always says. Why are adult's lives always so complicated?

VERA: You got me there, kiddo.

EMMA: I want to meet her, she seems like she'd be really nice. My mom always says the best stuff about her and always talks about how she misses her, but when she thinks I'm asleep or can't hear.

HANSON: Vera's right, Em, sometimes things are just complicated. I'm sure your mom is trying really hard though to make the best of everything.

EMMA: Oh, I know. My mom's the best.

VERA: She sounds it

HANSON: She is

_CAPTAIN ANDRES OFFICE. HOFFS and LAMPTON stand across from CAPTAIN ANDRES, who is busy pulling out various folders from large filling cabinets. _

CAPTAIN ANDRES: All right, ladies, welcome, take a seat.

_(LAMPTON and HOFFS sit down.)_

HOFFS: Thanks Captain Andres, but if you could, we'd like to move things along, it's going to be quite the drive back for us!

LAMPTON: Such a drive

HOFFS: And we'd really hate to waste any more of your time other than what is necessary.

LAMTPON: We are to the point people, Captain Andres.

CAPTAIN ANDRES: No worries, ladies, we are too. You know, I hear all the time about how us small town cops just sit around and do nothing all the time, but I can tell you that we're always swamped!

LAMPTON: Imagine that.

CAPTAIN ANDRES: There just aren't enough hours in the day, I suppose.

HOFFS: They go so quickly

CAPTAIN ANDRES: Oh, I be beggin' your ladies pardon, would you like something to drink? Coffee? Tea? We great hot coca.

HOFFS: We're fine, Captain Andres, but thank-you.

CAPTAIN ANDRES: You sure? It's no problem, I assure you

LAMPTON: We're good

CAPTAIN ANDRES: You wouldn't regret it, I swear. Here, let me just buzz my secretary

LAMPTON: Captain Andres! _(she clears her throat) _I mean, Captain Andres, sir, I mean no disrespect, but we do need to keep to a schedule.

HOFFS: Perhaps next time we're in town we'll take you up on that coca offer.

CAPTIAN ANDRES: Of course, ladies. I'll call in the arresting officers and we can get down to business! If you will just sit here for a moment, I'll run and get them myself.

_(CAPTAIN ANDRES exits)_

LAMPTON: Can we just leave the kids here? This has to be killing them, this is way worse than any JV lock up.

HOFFS: I wish

LAMPTON: It's times like these that I believe in karma. And I'm starting to realize more and more than I must be coming back as a pooper scooper.

HOFFS: Well we have to be paying some of it off by dealing with this.

LAMPTON: All right, so I'll be a trash can.

HOFFS: Probably

_(LAMPTON laughs)_

HOFFS: I miss this

LAMPTON: Me too

HOFFS: Then why are we still fighting?

LAMPTON: You hurt me, Jude. I can't just forget that and pretend like everything is okay.

_(CAPTAIN ANDRES returns accompanied by OFFICERS CALLIE LENNER and ANDY ROGERS.)_

CAPTAIN ANDRES: Sorry about that ladies, Officers Hoffs and Lampton I'd like to introduce you to the arresting officers, Officers Lenner and Rogers.

LENNER: Please, no need for formalities, call me Callie

ROGERS: And I'm Andy, no if ands or buts about it

HOFFS: I'm Judy and she's Priss, now that we have that covered, can we get down to the paperwork so that we can officially extradite Annabelle and Evan?

LENNER: Settle down there, Judy, there' no need to rush. We don't want to do anything wrong now do we?

HOFFS: Of course not

_IOKI'S APARTMENT. IOKI sits alone listening to music and looking at the picture of himself and his grandmother taken upon her arrival in the US. Left alone, he finally allows himself to be venerable, the loss of his grandmother hits him harder than what he expected. There's a knock at the door. IOKI pulls himself together and answers the door. Outside PENHALL stands holding a six pack and a pizza._

PENHALL: Thought you could use a pick-me-up, Harry

IOKI: It's like you have telepathy

PENHALL: Something like that. Can I come in?

IOKI: Please

_JUMP STREET CHAPEL. EMMA is asleep on a couch in the back of the CHAPEL. HANSON and VERA clean up the mess of cards, board games, and food. VERA walks towards LAMPTON'S DESK and begins looking through the pictures._

VERA: Priss never really understood subtlety did she?

HANSON: She does do things full forced

VERA: I'm glad to know that hasn't changed. I always liked that about her.

_(HANSO N and VERA continue picking up the CHAPEL in an awkward silence. VERA looks to sleeping EMMA, and back to HANSON.)_

HANSON: You can still get to know her, y'know? I'm pretty sure Priss wouldn't be too against the idea _(pause) _if you give her a minute to get used to the idea.

VERA: _(Laughs) _You know her pretty well, don't you, Tom…I mean Officer Hanson…Mr. Hanson?

HANSON: Call me Tom, it's okay

VERA: I feel weird about it, I mean you did arrest me.

HANSON: Don't worry about it

VERA: My pending court case?

HANSON: Good try

VERA: Thought it was worth a shot.

_(They fall back into an uneasy silence. VERA looks back at EMMA, and smiles fondly.)_

VERA: I still just can't believe how big she's gotten. I mean the last time I really saw her she was just a baby, and now look at her. I mean I knew logically she would be bigger, but I still couldn't help but picture this little baby still. Stupid, right?

HANSON: Not stupid, Vera.

VERA: Do you ever wonder about how we get places? In life I mean. I mean before all of this my family was great, but then this all happened, and everything went to shit. I can still hear Priss and my parents fighting. I was just a little kid at the time, I didn't get what was going on. Then next thing I knew she was gone, and so was my great family. And I'm still trying to figure out how it all happened.

HANSON: You ever talked to your parents about this?

VERA: No, of course not. The Lampton's don't talk about anything uncomfortable. Especially after babygate.

HANSON: Vera, that's horrible.

VERA: No, don't act like it's this big, shocking thing. It's not. You met my parents, did you really expect us to have healthy relationships?

HANSON: Doesn't mean it has to stay that way

VERA: Yes it does. Status quo's a bitch. _(Sighs) _Look, today was great, but I don't know what I thought was gonna happen when I showed up today. Maybe her not being here is just a sign or somethin'

HANSON: At least change your relationship with Priss and Emma. She could use some family around.

VERA: She told you that?

HANSON: You know Priss, she wouldn't tell Santa Claus that she was having a hard time with something.

VERA: That's the problem, Tom. I don't know Priss. I think I do, but then I realize that the Priss I knew was sixteen and stupid. God knows what she's turned into.

HANSON: Stick around and find out.

_(ANNIE enters)_

ANNIE: I'm so sorry that took so long, Tom! One thing lead to another, which lead to another, and now the kid is going into drug counseling

HANSON: Intense

ANNIE: It was, there was a lot of crying. A lot.

HANSON: How much of it was you?

ANNIE: Most of it

HANSON: Figures

ANNIE: Where's Emma? _(notices VERA) _And did they hire another cop? Because they're starting to get good, she really looks sixteen, and not just kinda sixteen.

VERA: I am sixteen.

ANNIE: Tom?

HANSON: This is Vera Lampton, Vera this is my girlfriend, Annie.

ANNIE: Lampton? As in Priss Lampton?

VERA: You caught me

ANNIE: Didn't you arrest her?

VERA: He did

HANSON: We're not focusing on that right now. Vera stopped by to see Priss, but seeing as how Priss is out of the state right now me and Emma thought we'd show Vera some Jump Street hospitality on her behalf.

ANNIE: Oh, it's ok. It's great to meet you, Vera. I hope all is well.

VERA: As well as someone with a pending court case can be.

ANNIE: You have your sister's sense of humor, I don't know whether to be amused or frightened.

VERA: How about intrigued?

ANNIE: A good compromise. Well, I suppose I'll just grab Emma and bring her back to your apartment, Tom. Vera, you're more than welcome to come for dinner so that you may spend more time with Emma

VERA: Oh no, I need to be getting home. My parents don't know where I am right now, and I'm pretty sure that Charlotte Lampton will go all Nazi Prison guard on the community looking for me.

HANSON: Promise me you'll talk to her, Vera.

VERA: I will

HANSON: Good

VERA: When pigs fly

HANSON: Not so good

VERA: Let it go, Hanson. If you're gonna learn one thing about us Lampton girls it's that we're unbelievably stubborn.

HANSON: I've noticed.

VERA: It was nice meeting you, Annie.

ANNIE: You as well, Vera, good luck with everything.

_(VERA exits)_

ANNIE: All right, I'm gonna take Emma back to your place. You all done here, or are you gonna stick around for a little bit.

HANSON: I'm all done, I think I'll just head home with you guys.

ANNIE: Perfect

_(ANNIE picks up sleeping EMMA while HANSON cleans up his desk, and grabs his coat. He turns back to ANNIE and EMMA, and smiles. He gives ANNIE an quick, loving peck on the lips before they both turn and walk out of the CHAPEL, turning the lights off behind them.)_

_CAR. ANNABELLE and EVAN sit in the backseat of the SQUAD CAR, looking excited to leave WALKER. HOFFS and LAMPTON can be heard outside saying multiple goodbyes to the WALKER police force. They enter the vehicle, HOFFS in the driver's seat, and LAMPTON in the passenger. LAMPTON holds a plate of cookies. She turns to HOFFS._

LAMPTON: Drive, woman, drive, before they notice we're leaving.

HOFFS: I'm trying, why'd Fuller give us the car that takes forever to start up?

LAMPTON: Because he's a cruel, cruel man. Oh my god, they're waving.

_(The car starts up)_

HOFFS: Got it!

LAMPTON: Drive!

_(The car speeds out of the parking lot, while the WALKER POLICE wave on from outside their STATION. The OFFICER who greeted them originally looks to CAPTAIN ANDRES.)_

OFFICER: You know, Captain, you'd think they were trying to escape or something the way Officer Hoffs is drivin'. Can't imagine why she'd ever drive like that, a police officer and everything, ain't she supposed to set some kind of example for young folk like Annabelle and Evan?

CAPTAIN ANDRES: Oh, big city folk always drive like that. Real shame, probably would cause a lot less accidents if they just took things a bit slower like we do in Walker.

OFFICER: You're so right, Captain Andres.

_(Inside the car)_

LAMPTON: Oh my god, I thought they'd never let us out of there.

HOFFS: They just kept talking and talking. I'm a fan of politeness and everything, but dear god.

ANNABELLE: You didn't have to stay there for a week. They play Crazy Eights on Mondays.

EVAN: Trivial Pursuit Tuesdays.

LAMPTON: You guys played?

EVAN: We were on a team with the local drunk, Wally. Nice guy, Wally. Surprisingly good at geography.

ANNABELLE: He really did carry our team.

LAMPTON: And we're the weird ones?

HOFFS: No kidding.

_IOKI'S APARTMENT. IOKI and PENHALL sit together drinking beers. Music plays in the background, as the two friends catch up._

IOKI: So, you and Judy, huh?

PENHALL: Yeah. Probably about time, right?

IOKI: I wasn't gonna say anything, but

PENHALL: I know. What about you, Ioks?

IOKI: Me? Well

PENHALL: Come on, you've gotta have some special lady in your life!

IOKI: Well, kinda

PENHALL: Harry, you dog. Tell me.

IOKI: Remember Laurie?

PENHALL: The crazy vegan you set Tom up with?

IOKI: Vegan yoga instructor. And I like the fact that she's unique.

PENHALL: She prayed for a steak, Harry.

IOKI: What? I admire her dedication.

PENHALL: And her amazing flexibility?

IOKI: That doesn't hurt things

PENHALL: _(Laughs) _I should think not! Dude, we should double date!

IOKI: You sure you can handle her? She can be a little intense for people who aren't used to that type of lifestyle. I wouldn't want you and Judy to be uncomfortable.

PENHALL: Me? Uncomfortable? Harry, I'm the definition of comfortable.

IOKI: Whatever you say, Doug.

PENHALL: Oh come on, when have I ever been uncomfortable, Ioks? I'm cool as a cucumber.

IOKI: Tampon

PENHALL: _(Uncomfortably) _Oh god

IOKI: _(Laughs) _Called it.

PENHALL: Shut up

_THE NEXT DAY. HANSON'S APARTMENT. EMMA eats cereal at the table while HANSON and ANNIE prepare eggs, toast, and coffee in the kitchen. ANNIE grabs her plate of eggs and toast and goes to sit next to EMMA at the table. They begin interacting as HANSON watches. He smiles, entertaining the idea of having a family with ANNIE. There's a knock at the door._

EMMA: That's mom, right?

ANNIE: _(Looks at watch) _It should be, Em. Tom, you want to get the door?

HANSON: Sure thing, babe.

_(HANSON answers the door, and LAMPTON stands outside smiling excitedly)_

LAMPTON: So where's my baby girl?

HANSON: Finishing up her breakfast with Annie.

LAMPTON: Was she good for you?

HANSON: Of course.

LAMPTON: Good.

_(They stand in silence for a moment. Realizing their relationship has been forever changed. It is like they're starting fresh, getting reacquainted as the changes finish their affects on the pair.)_

HANSON: Priss, I just wanted to say—

LAMPTON: Tom, it's okay. I'm fine. You made the right choice, I can see it. Annie's great, and you two are great together. The rest is just details.

HANSON: Aren't details just as important?

LAMPTON: Not this time. So where's my baby girl?

_(LAMPTON and HANSON walk into the apartment, and EMMA runs to LAMPTON, LAMPTON scooping her up in a hug. HANSON stands with ANNIE_._)_

_PENHALL'S APARTMENT. HOFFS and PENHALL sit watching TV in his living room. PENHALL has his arm around HOFFS, and HOFFS rests her head on his shoulder. HOFFS gives PENHALL a quick peck on the forehead as she stands up to refill her glass of water. _

PENHALL: What was that for?

HOFFS: For being almost nearly drama-free.

PENHALL: Nearly?

HOFFS: Well you are quite a gossip.

PENHALL: Things still bad with Lampton?

HOFFS: They're getting better.

PENHALL: That's good

_(HOFFS rejoins PENHALL on the couch with her filled glass of water)_

HOFFS: But we still have a long way to go. And I don't think I could do it if you weren't here. You keep me sane, Doug.

PENHALL: All in a day's work, Jude.

_HANSON'S APARTMENT. ANNIE and HANSON clean up the breakfast dishes. HANSON watches ANNIE, ANNIE looks up, confused._

ANNIE: What's up, babe?

HANSON: I love you.

ANNIE: What?

HANSON: I love you, Annie.


	23. 13: Take on Me

**21 Jump Street**

_Take on Me_

_WOMEN'S CLINIC. Outside the clinic PEOPLE protest violently, holding banners, posters, and signs. The POLICE guard the walkway to the CLINIC as WOMEN, including young teenage girls, walk in and out of the clinic, visibly upset by the protesters. _

_OFFICER BRENT CALDER sees something out of the corner of his eye hidden behind the building. Curious, he walks over to investigate. His partner, OFFICER FINN EMERY looks at him in curiosity._

FINN EMERY: What's up, Cal?

BRENT CALDER: I donno, just checking somethin' out. Hold the line, Finn.

FINN EMERY: Whatever, man. Do whatcha gotta do, but if one of these protesters attacks me while you're chasing the white rabbit, I'll telling your wife

BRENT CALDER: Yeah, yeah, you old tattle-tale.

_BRENT CALDER gets closer to the side the building. Feet are clearly visible, one foot wearing a converse tennis shoe, and the other just a sock. He becomes more concerned, and quickens his pace. He turns the corner to find a the body of a young girl, with the sign, "Eye for an Eye" on her. _

FINN EMERY: Cal?

BRENT CALDER: Oh god, Finn, we gotta get homicide down here! We gotta get 'em now!

_OPENING CREDITS._

_Four weeks later. JUMP STREET CHAPEL. HOFFS and LAMPTON sit in FULLER'S OFFICE, going over a past case with FULLER. PENHALL and IOKI sit at their desks doing work. HANSON walks in, looking happy. He walks to his desk with a smile on his face, making IOKI and PENHALL take notice. They stop working and slowly creep over towards HANSON._

PENHALL: You get lucky last night, Hanson?

IOKI: Ed stop by with a big check?

PENHALL: Got Sharon Stone's phone number?

HANSON: Not exactly

PENHALL: Then what is it, man?

IOKI: You know we're gossip starved around here ever since you and Lampton stopped _(he stops himself but it's too late. PENHALL shoots his a glare, but HANSON seems blissfully unaware.)_

PENHALL: Stopped being so gosh darn adorable. With your little play fights.

IOKI: Gotta love fake fighting.

PENHALL: It's charming.

IOKI: I hear it's the new green

_(PENHALL gives IOKI a look. IOKI mouths "what?" making PENHALL roll his eyes. HANSON merely goes through his possessions, organizing them on his desk.) _

PENHALL: All right, man, we give up. What gives? You're never this happy.

IOKI: And he means that with the upmost care and concern.

PENHALL: I've just grown accustomed to cranky, love-sick Hanson. This happy version is a little scary, I don't know what it's capable of yet.

IOKI: Apparently smiling a lot.

PENHALL: And withholding information.

IOKI: I don't like it.

PENHALL: Maybe if it starts talkin' I'll warm to the change.

HANSON: You guys give up?

PENHALL: Yes! Like five tangents ago!

HANSON: My friends, you are officially looking at an engaged man.

PENHALL: What?

HANSON: I proposed to Annie last night. She accepted. We're getting married.

IOKI: Ah, wow, congrats man.

PENHALL: The first one to take the plunge, that's huge man. You sure you're ready?

HANSON: Only if you're ready to plan me an awesome bachelor party. Annie wants a June wedding. Something about how all the girls dream about a June wedding, or something like that.

PENHALL: Well you know bachelor parties are kinda a specialty of mine, right?

HANSON: I've heard the rumors

IOKI: Mostly started by Penhall

HANSON: I play along and pretend like someone else is spreading the word.

IOKI: You're a good friend

PENHALL: Who've you told so far?

IOKI: Yeah, who knows? Are we the first?

HANSON: Well, Annie was the first, seeing as how she was there for the proposal and all

IOKI: Point taken, stupidly phrased question

HANSON: We're telling my mom tonight, cause she's in town, her parents when they come up this weekend.

PENHALL: So…what you're saying is that we're the first?

HANSON: Basically, yep.

_(PENHALL and IOKI high-five) _

PENHALL: Score!

IOKI: Ha! I knew he liked us best!

HANSON: I'm going to pretend I didn't see that

PENHALL: We appreciate that, man.

IOKI: So, you proposed. When did this come about? Why didn't you tell us beforehand?

_(IOKI keeps talking, but trail's off in HANSON'S mind as soon as he catches a view of a working LAMPTON in FULLER'S OFFICE. This does not go unnoticed by PENHALL, however IOKI continues to talk.)_

IOKI: Hanson? You listening, man?

HANSON: Of course, Harry. I just realized that Annie was the one for me and all of the sudden I just blurted the words out. Why bother waiting any longer? When you know, you know, right?

PENHALL: _(Concerned) _Right. Congrats, again, man. _(He pats HANSON on the shoulder) _she's one lucky lady.

_(OFFICER FINN EMERY walks into JUMP STREET CHAPEL, looking a bit lost. FINN EMERY is a young police officer with a thick Boston accent. He looks nervous and out of place at Jump Street. Unsure of his actions.)_

FINN EMERY: You guys Jump Street?

PENHALL: Depends on who's doing the askin'

FINN EMERY: Finn Emery, I'm a cop.

IOKI: Then we're guilty as charged. Welcome to the Chapel.

HANSON: We're Officers Hanson, Ioki, and Penhall. What can we do to help you, Officer Emery?

FINN EMERY: You guys are the ones that go into the schools, right? Uncover and whatnot.

PENHALL: So we're told

FINN EMERY: Well, we've got this case. And homicide ain't doin' nothing about it, cause they can't figure out who's doin' it, y'know?

PENHALL: It's kinda the nature of the work, Officer Emery. I mean, you don't know whodunit, until you KNOW whodunit. Get it?

FINN EMERY: Yea, yea, I know all that stuff, I'm just sayin' that if they had someone on the inside, y'know, undercover and whatnot, they could solve the thing a lot quicker and no more girls would show up dead. And I'm not even talkin' about a James Bond figure, y'know? I'd take a Hardy Boy at this point, not even the pair! I just don't want to see any more dead girls. It ain't right.

HANSON: I understand, Officer Emery, but we need information first. Do you have a case file, newspaper clippings, I'd take a composition notebook at this point. Anything, anything at all.

FINN EMERY: Yeah, of course. I may not talk too good, but I ain't an idiot.

_(FINN EMERY hands over the case file. HANSON quickly takes it, flipping through the file.)_

HANSON: This is that case that's been on the news. The Draconian Killer, right?

IOKI: Why are we getting a folder from you? Did your Captain send you down?

FINN EMERY: Well, no

IOKI: A homicide detective?

FINN EMERY: Not-not exactly

_(FULLER, LAMPTON, and HOFFS enter the main area, having finished with their discussion. Intrigued by the visitor, FULLER walks over to HANSON, IOKI, PENHALL, and FINN EMERY. LAMPTON and HOFFS watch with curiosity from their desks, but stay put.)_

FULLER: I'm Captain Adam Fuller, how can I help you…

FINN EMERY: Finn, I mean Officer Emery, I really hate titles, but I suppose they give 'em to us for a reason, right? Gotta start usin' it sometime.

FULLER: All right, Officer Emery, what can Jump Street help you with?

FINN EMERY: Like I was tellin' these guys, homicide ain't doing enough to solve this case. There's already been three girls found. Three! That's too many, y'know? And they're ain't gonna ask for help from nobody, cause they think they've got a handle on this, but it ain't right, y'know?

FULLER: All right, Officer Emery, take a breath. _(Looks over case file FINN EMERY brought in) _The Draconian Killer, huh? I take it you came on your own then, Officer?

FINN EMERY: _(Sheepishly) _Yes, sir.

FULLER: You know, if your superiors thought that there might be some aspect of the case that they needed our help with, they would have come to us on their own. They have in the past, I assume they will continue to do in the future.

FINN EMERY: With all due respect, sir, and I know this is stepping out of line, but I know some in the force haven't exactly taken a likin' to Jump Street.

FULLER: We're well aware of some of the negative feelings towards our program, but I believe that all departments are willing to put ego aside, especially when young girls are being murdered.

FINN EMERY: Not Steve Jolie.

PENHALL: Wait, wait, internal affairs Steve Jolie?

HANSON: Isn't he in, well, internal affairs? What does he have to do with this case?

FINN EMERY: He's out of internal affairs. Got promoted. He's leading this investigation, coordinating between our two departments.

FULLER: And what department are you in Officer Emery?

FINN EMERY: I'm just a beat cop, with the 52nd.

FULLER: Then what is your connection with the case?

FINN EMERY: We're handling protection of the woman's clinic down on Wayward Street, it's the only one for miles, a lot of women have no other choice but to use it, y'know?

FULLER: I'm well aware, Officer Emery. Get to the point.

FINN EMERY: Well me and my partner, Cal—I mean Officer Brent Calder, we found the first girl, Melissa Hannigan. She, she was fifteen. It's the kind of thing you don't forget about. A fifteen year old girl dying like that. And I don't care what side of the issue you stand on, nobody deserves to die like that.

FULLER: I see _(looks around at his staff) _Lampton, you doing anything?

LAMPTON: _(Looks up from her desk) _Paperwork until the day I die

FULLER: Will you please take Officer Emery here down to the coffee shop and buy him something to drink?

LAMPTON: Nothing Irish I assume?

FULLER: You assume correctly.

LAMPTON: Okay then. _(LAMPTON closes the folders on her desk, and grabs her jacket.) _Hope you don't mind smoking, cause this place is all about second hand cancer.

FINN EMERY: Sir, thank-you, but

FULLER: I'm not finished. Officer Emery, while Officer Lampton takes you for coffee, Officer Ioki and myself will visit with your task force and determine the best course of action.

FINN EMERY: Thank-you, sir. For believin' me that is, and giving this thing a shot. Most people would have just brushed me off, y'know? Told me to mind my own business and whatnot. You're a good man.

FULLER: I'm only doing my job, Officer Emery, not applying for sainthood.

LAMPTON: Actually we're waiting to hear back from the Vatican, fingers crossed.

PENHALL: Got a real mouth on her, this one.

IOKI: We have a love, hate relationship with her sense of humor. It's great, until it finds you.

LAMPTON: Feelin' the love, guys.

PENHALL: Can dish out, but can't receive, is that it, Priscilla?

LAMPTON: Somethin' like that. All right, you ready, Officer Emery?

FINN EMERY: Please, God, call me Finn. I can't stand formalities, and if we go through this entire thing calling each other officer this and officer that, I just might be tempted to take my gun out of its holster and go all murder suicide right in the middle of the mornin' rush.

LAMPTON: _(Laughs) _I like this guy, where'd you find him?

HANSON: We didn't find him, he found us.

LAMPTON: Huh, nice. Well, Finn, you can call me Priss. Calling me Priscilla would also result in your death, but I'll probably forgo the suicide part. I can live with the guilt.

FINN EMERY: My parents named me Phineas, I understand your pain.

LAMPTON: Unusual name, unusual guy, Finn, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

_(LAMPTON and FINN EMERY exit chatting happily. HANSON becomes slightly agitated, watching their cheerful interaction, which does not go unnoticed by PENHALL. FULLER and IOKI grab their coats, and walk towards the exit.)_

FULLER: This isn't going to be pretty, Ioki. You ready for this?

IOKI: Survived the fall of Saigon, think I can handle Steve Jolie.

FULLER: Right, of course. _(Turns quickly) _And Penhall?

PENHALL: Yeah, Coach?

FULLER: If any one else walks in here while we're gone asking for our help and they're not bleeding, just say we're not Jump Street. For today, and today only, we are just a chapel. A run-down, never-used, chapel on the outskirts of town.

PENHALL: Got it, we're just your regular, run of the mill, gun-toting people of the cloth.

FULLER: Precisely.

PENHALL: Can do, boss. Now, go piss off some really important people!

_(IOKI and FULLER exit)_

_WOMEN'S CLINIC. STACY CALLER, the woman in charge of the clinic, paces angrily in the back office of the clinic. CAPTAIN STEVE JOLIE sits patiently trying to calm STACY CALLER down. _

STACY CALLER: Captain Jolie, I don't want to hear we're doing all that we can. I want to hear that you've found a guy, locked him up, and threw away the key!

STEVE JOLIE: It doesn't work that way, Mrs. Caller, I'm sorry. Investigations take time, these people don't exactly leave a photo ID and a phone number at the crime scenes.

STACY CALLER: And I can't keep finding dead girls at my doorstep! This man has got the entire female population of this city scared silly! Most of them don't want to come within fifty feet of the clinic, but women keep showing up dead! Women who haven't been to the clinic in years! And that's with all of your efforts to hide the clinic connection. Think about what would happen if they knew that this sicko was going after patients instead of just their suspicions. Hell, they're even calling him the Draconian Killer!

STEVE JOLIE: We're working all of the possible angles, Mrs. Caller. Now if you would please take a seat and calm yourself a little

STACY CALLER: I will not calm down! This is how a person who keeps finding dead bodies at her doorstep should act! I would not want to meet the person who sits there calmly after all of that!

STEVE JOLIE: Getting worked into a frenzy isn't going to help the situation.

STACY CALLER: Well I'm sorry, you're a little too late, I'm already in a frenzy and I don't plan on coming out of it until you find the guy!

STEVE JOLIE: And if you would just calm down a moment and answer these questions we might just be able to do that! Now, please, Mrs. Caller, sit down!

STACY CALLER: _(Angrily takes her seat) _Captain, or no Captain, does not give you the right to speak to me in that tone, Mr. Jolie.

STEVE JOLIE: I beg your pardon, Mrs. Caller, but sometimes you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

STACY CALLER: And sometimes, Mr. Jolie, you have to let an old woman have her moment. _(She pauses, letting her words take effect)_ Now, Mr. Jolie, what questions do you have for me?

STEVE JOLIE: It's actually, Captain, m'am.

STACY CALLER: Captain is a term of respect, Mr. Jolie. Respectful men don't yell at old ladies.

STEVE JOLIE: _(With a hint of annoyance) _Point taken, Mrs. Caller.

STACEY CALLER: I actually prefer Doctor Caller, Mr. Jolie. I did go to medical school after all, think I deserve the title after all of that hard work.

_(There's a knock at the door, STEVE JOLIE looks even more annoyed)_

OFFICER: Captain Jolie?

STEVE JOLIE: _(Annoyed) _Yes, what is it?

OFFICER: A Captain Fuller and Officer Ioki here to see you. Say they want to speak with you immediately.

STEVE JOLIE: Tell them to wait.

STACY CALLER: Mr. Jolie, if they say they need to speak to you immediately then perhaps you should listen to them. They might have information that could help you. Personally, I have no information that you do not know. However, I do have several scared patients waiting for me in the living room.

STEVE JOLIE: _(Sighs) _Fine. Mrs.—ehm, I mean, Dr. Caller?

STACY CALLER: Mmm-hmmm

STEVE JOLIE: Would you be terribly kind enough to allow me to use your office to discuss this important matter with Captain Fuller and Officer Ioki?

STACY CALLER: While I don't care too much for the sarcasm, I would be more than happy to lend my office to the cause. I hope they have some information for you.

_(STACY CALLER exits OFFICE, much to the pleasure of STEVE JOLIE. He sighs, then motions for the OFFICER to send in FULLER and IOKI.)_

FULLER: I hear congratulations are in order, Captain Jolie.

STEVE JOLIE: It was an unexpected joy for me, Captain Fuller, similar to this unexpected visit from Jump Street.

FULLER: You know us, always sticking our noses in

STEVE JOLIE: Well, while you're here, why don't you tell me why Jump Street has decided to stick its nose in this time? I'm all ears.

FULLER: Well myself and Officer Ioki, you've met Officer Ioki, haven't you, Captain Jolie?

STEVE JOLIE: Yes, I do believe that I am acquainted with Officer Ioki. It is good to see you again, Officer.

IOKI: You as well, Captain.

FULLER: As I was saying, Jump Street is interested in joining your task force for this particular incident. We believe that we may be able to provide more information from the inside that would better help you in your investigation.

STEVE JOLIE: We have plenty of suspects, Captain Fuller. Not every case needs a kiddy cop, no offence intended, Officer Ioki.

IOKI: None taken, Captain Jolie.

STEVE JOLIE: So you see, Captain Fuller—

FULLER: If I may, Captain Jolie, I must insist. A lot of young girls and woman are showing up dead on this very doorstep. The community is scared. We are here to merely offer our help, not take over your investigation. We are a tool, and an effective one at that.

STEVE JOLIE: Captain Fuller, while I appreciate your offer, Jump Street's type of police work is not needed here.

FULLER: Our type of work?

STEVE JOLIE: Don't make me elaborate, Adam.

FULLER: Don't make me pull seniority, Steve. You may be a captain, but you're a new one at that.

STEVE JOLIE: But a new one in a viable, important department. I'm not the one babysitting kiddy cops.

FULLER: Ioki, will you give me and Captain Jolie a moment alone?

IOKI: Sure thing, boss.

_(IOKI exits, and FULLER turns to STEVE JOLIE, looking serious.)_

_HALLWAY. IOKI sits outside the OFFICE, watching as the CLINIC carries on, business as usual, except for the massive POLICE presence in and around the CLINIC. A few moments later, FULLER exits with a smug smile on his face._

FULLER: It's official, we're on the case.

IOKI: Remind me never to piss you off, Captain Fuller. I'm afraid you could make me cry using only your words.

FULLER: You have no idea, Harry.

_CHAPEL. HANSON, PENHALL, and HOFFS sit waiting for CAPTAIN FULLER and IOKI to return. HOFFS and PENHALL sit together at the conference table, while HANSON sits alone at his desk. LAMPTON and FINN EMERY enter talking, and laughing merrily. HANSON tenses up, but does not say anything. _

PENHALL: _(to HOFFS) _What they spike the coffee?

HOFFS: _(to PENHALL) _I think it's a good thing for her. Help her get over Hanson.

PENHALL: _(to HOFFS) _Yeah, but the problem is Fido ain't over her yet.

_(He motions to HANSON, who is doing his best to pretend like he does not notice the pair talking and laughing. PENHALL shakes his head, HOFFS looks surprised.)_

LAMPTON: Where's Fuller and Ioks? They back yet?

HOFFS: No, we're still waiting.

LAMPTON: Oh, okay.

_(They fall into an awkward silence) _

LAMPTON: Soo…I heard Mr. Body got shot in the library again. He really needs to get better dinner guests.

_(FINN EMERY laughs)_

LAMPTON: Well at least he thinks I'm funny

_(FULLER and IOKI enter)_

IOKI: Howdy y'all

LAMPTON: Oh thank God!

IOKI: Lampton, I had no idea you thought that way about me

LAMPTON: Such up and talk, Ioki. We gotta stop the awkward silence!

IOKI: I can't shut up and talk. It's really one or the other.

LAMPTON: When did he get this sassy? Seriously, when did Ioki get _this_ sassy?

FULLER: All right everyone, let's bring it back in.

PENHALL: How did peace talks go? Are we in or out?

FULLER: It took some convincing, but we're in.

FINN EMERY: Thanks Captain Fuller, everyone. Yous guys are the best for doin' this.

FULLER: It's our job, Officer Emery. We'll keep you updated on our progress.

FINN EMERY: Ok, so—ah, I guess I'll be seeing ya around?

FULLER: Yes, but it is very important that you understand that you do not know any of us outside of this police station. We'll be going into that clinic, and you can't let on.

FINN EMERY: Yes, sir.

FULLER: Good, I'm glad we have that settled.

FINN EMERY: Good luck, y'all!

LAMPTON: Thanks, Finn

_(FINN EMERY exits)_

PENHALL: So what were the terms of surrender?

FULLER: We're on a tight leash to say the least. Steve Jolie is not excited about having us on, but I also know that he has been trying to drum up some support within the departments. Apparently he made more than a few enemies in Internal Affairs. We still have the pull of the highers-up, so sucking up to us is his best option.

HOFFS: So what's our timeline?

FULLER: ASAP, cause Jolie is only giving us two weeks on the case. After that, we're out.

HOFFS: So he's setting us up to fail, basically.

FULLER: Pretty much.

PENHALL: Great

IOKI: Who's going where?

FULLER: That's the spirit!

IOKI: Erm—sure thing, you know me, Captain, always in the correct spirit…

FULLER: I'm supposed to be more inspiring, apparently the higher-ups think that I'm not encouraging enough. _(Threateningly) _Do you guys think I'm encouraging?

EVERYONE: _(Nervously) _Yes; yes; course, captain; etc.

FULLER: That's what I thought.

PENHALL: Soo...the whole who's going where hasn't been settled yet, has it?

FULLER: No, no, it hasn't. Ioki and Penahall, I want you guys getting in tight with the protesters. Join that church that is the main sponsor, talk to people, you know the drill.

IOKI: Sure thing, Captain.

PENHALL: Not a problem, I'll brush up on my Jesus talk.

HOFFS: Oh god

FULLER: Hoffs, Ioki, and Penhall I want you three in the high school nearby. Two of the victims were students at Westfield, get in with their friends, feel out the school.

HOFFS: You want me to go into the clinic at all, Captain?

FULLER: Not unless you think it'll further the case. Just play it by ear.

HOFFS: Ok

FULLER: Lampton

LAMPTON: Don't tell me, I'm going to become a patient at the clinic?

FULLER: I thought you'd be the most believable. Are you ok with this?

LAMPTON: Yeah, no problem, Captain.

FULLER: Hanson, I want you talking with the church directly, it's Mayflower Church that's heading up the protests.

HANSON: How do you want me to play it? Prospective seminary student?

PENHALL: Oh god, we'll have to change everything about him to get the church to believe that

HANSON: Thanks, man

FULLER: That sounds great, Hanson. Whatever you think will work best.

HANSON: Aye, aye

FULLER: Now, the most important thing is that the clinic has been keeping this out of the press.

LAMPTON: Who's a what not?

FULLER: Bad for business, girls showing up dead with an association with your work. People know girls have been dying, there is a serial killer afoot and to be on their guard, but they have no idea about the clinic connection. We want to keep that out of the press for as long as possible for everyone involved. We don't need any more craziness.

PENHALL: Understood, Captain.

FULLER: Okay, any questions?

FINN EMERY: No, sounds good to me, boss!

FULLER: No offense, Officer Emery, but that wasn't directed towards you.

FINN EMERY: Oh, ok

HANSON: _(to PENHALL, but not terribly quiet) _Not much of a thinker is he

PENHALL: _(coughs loudly to cover up HANSON) _We're good, Captain. Right, guys? _(Looks around) _Yeah, yeah, we're good.

FULLER: So you're all standing around because?

_(EVERYONE begins running around the CHAPEL, getting to work. PENHALL takes the lead, clapping his hands and giving directions both physically and verbally)_

PENHALL: You heard the man! Get to work! Ioks, we've got a Bible full of facts to learn! Hanson and Hoffs, go get your teenager on, and Lampton, go get pregnant! _(Pauses) _I didn't mean that last one literally. No, really, Priss, keep your legs crossed! Priss?

LAMPTON: _(Sarcastically) _I'm glad to know what you think of me, Penhall.

IOKI: Dude

FULLER: _(Shakes head)_ Penhall

PENHALL: What? WHAT?

HOFFS: Just _(pauses, thinking of a solution) _shut up, Doug.

PENHALL: But…

HANSON: Anymore and I don't think even a shovel could get you out of that hole.

PENHALL: I didn't mean it THAT way!

FINN EMERY: Dude, I may be new around here, but even I know that talkin' right now, ain't gonna do you no good. I'd go with your girl Friday on this one.

PENHALL: I think this one's getting a little too comfortable, don't you think? _(Everyone stays silent) _Guys? Guys?

_LATER. HANSON'S APARTMENT. HANSON and ANNIE sit looking on the couch. HANSON drinks a beer and reads the paper, while ANNIE sits opposite him drinking a glass of wine and looking through a bridal magazine. Soft music plays in the background._

ANNIE: What is our wedding type?

HANSON: _(Puts down paper) _What?

ANNIE: What do you think is our wedding type? _(Shows HANSON the magazine) _It's a quiz in my magazine. Helps you to define your wedding style.

HANSON: What are our options?

ANNIE: Well we could be classic, modern, beach, romantic, bohemian, or gothic.

HANSON: That last one sounds perfect, honey, I don't think we even need to take the quiz!

ANNIE: Yeah, sure, I'll bet we can get the Cure to play the wedding!

HANSON: And I think you'd look damn sexy pale with jet black hair

ANNIE: Oh sure. Exactly my color. _(Laughs) _You know that's what not what mean by a gothic type wedding, right?

HANSON: _(Laughs) _I'll leave you hanging on that one for awhile. So you're already looking at wedding planning stuff?

ANNIE: Yeah, you have to start early! _(Sarcastically) _Haven't you been engaged before?

HANSON: Nope, sorry, my first time.

ANNIE: Well, dummy, you need to start early. Planning a wedding takes time, we need to decide on a style, then find a venue, a priest willing to marry us, flowers, the dress, your tux…

HANSON: Ok, ok, I get it. I just didn't really realize how much went into planning a wedding.

ANNIE: Well, mister, you're in for quite a surprise.

HANSON: What kind of wedding style do you want?

ANNIE: Something classic, timeless, y'know? I don't want to look back and say, 'what the hell was I thinking,' y'know? And I certainly don't need my mother saying 'what the hell were you thinking' at the wedding, so, yeah, just classic.

HANSON: Meaning?

ANNIE: Me in a white dress, you in a dashing tuxedo. A church full of people, a priest with no arrest record. Classic, y'know? Like a fairy tale.

HANSON: Church full of people, huh?

ANNIE: Brimming

HANSON: So you want to be Cinderella?

ANNIE: Just downscaled slightly to match my budget. And without the ballroom dress, that would be a little much. I mean, when I was a little kid I always pictured me a in a ball gown, but granted all the references I had for what a bride should look like on her wedding day came from Walt Disney who specializes in ball gowns. I've since refined my taste, but I don't know what it is that makes me want to be a princess for my wedding. I guess I'm still that little kid, y'know?

HANSON: Yeah

ANNIE: You ok? We don't have to do the wedding like that if you don't want to. What did you picture?

HANSON: I want you to have exactly the wedding you imagined. That's what I pictured. You happy.

ANNIE: _(Kisses HANSON)_ You're the best, babe. I love you.

HANSON: You'll love me more when you see this _(pulls out a small, black box from his pocket)_

ANNIE: Tom

HANSON: I'm sorry I didn't have this when I proposed, Ann, but, if you'll let me, can I get a re-do?

ANNIE: Of course

HANSON: Well stand up then!

_(ANNIE and HANSON stand up, HANSON goes down on one knee, and ANNIE simply beams with joy.)_

HANSON: Annie Hart

ANNIE: Yes?

HANSON: Being of sound mind

ANNIE: Tom

HANSON: Sorry, couldn't resist. _(Pauses) _Annie, my love

ANNIE: Better, but lose the cheese

HANSON: Annie, it's simple, I love you. Marry me?

ANNIE: Of course, yes.

_(HANSON stands up and places the ring on ANNIE'S finger)_

HANSON: This was my grandmother's engagement ring.

ANNIE: It's a little small, we'll have to have it sized

HANSON: Doesn't matter right now

ANNIE: I love you, Tom. This feels right.

_(HANSON kisses ANNIE passionately)_

_PENHALL'S APARTMENT. HOFFS and PENHALL sit having dinner together. _

HOFFS: The boy proposed? Proposed!

PENHALL: I never said he was smart

HOFFS: He's your best friend

PENHALL: I thought you were my best friend, Jude

HOFFS: On paper, but we all know that I will always compete with Tom Hanson for your affections

PENHALL: True, but I can still honestly say that when it comes to women, Tom Hanson is a dumbass. And I mean that with love.

HOFFS: But Annie's a smart girl, why would she say yes?

PENHALL: Maybe girlfriend ain't so smart?

HOFFS: So they're getting married.

PENHALL: It seems that way

HOFFS: It's just so soon

PENHALL: I know

HOFFS: And not with Lampton. I mean, this may sound silly, but I always figured those two would get together at some point.

PENHALL: Well not now, as in like the present time, not like because he's getting engaged. We've already been over that whole nightmare of them sleeping together despite their significant others.

HOFFS: Oh god, of course not now. If they were to get together now it would definitely end in a murder-suicide.

PENHALL: Lampton killing Hanson?

HOFFS: Course

PENHALL: Makes sense.

HOFFS: Do you think Annie knows about what happened?

PENHALL: Doubt.

HOFFS: Shame

PENHALL: I know. But it's not our place to say anything.

HOFFS: I know. Who all knows?

PENHALL: As far I know, me, Ioki, and now you…which I'm still really unclear on if he wanted us to keep a lid on it until he was ready to announce, but it should be understood that as my girlfriend you have the right to privileged information and therefore your testimony cannot be used in a court of law.

HOFFS: You callin' me your girlfriend, Doug?

PENHALL: Yeah, I think I am.

HOFFS: You ready to be a boyfriend, Doug?

PENHALL: I think so. Damn that's scary.

HOFFS: Almost as scary as Tom and Annie getting married?

PENHALL: No, not that scary. But that's on the level of seeing Godzilla attack Tokyo in real life.

HOFFS: True that

_THE NEXT DAY. WOMEN'S CLINIC. LAMPTON looks nervous. She closes her eyes, and the crowd magically quiets down in her mind, she opens back her eyes. She is standing outside of the building looking around at all the protesters, including IOKI and PENHALL. PENHALL gives LAMPTON a little wink and a smile, LAMPTON nods subtly in return. FINN EMERY and BRENT CALDER are holding off the masses. LAMPTON takes a deep breath, and the regular noise and chaos returns. TWO WOMEN approach LAMPTON wearing official looking clothing._

WOMAN #1: You going inside sweetie?

LAMPTON: _(nervously) _Yes, m'am

WOMAN #2: Well I'm Stacey and this is Julie. We'll be your escorts inside, ok?

LAMPTON: Escorts?

WOMAN #1: Just a precaution, sweetheart. Just remember to stay with us the whole time, and you'll be fine, ok?

LAMPTON: Ok

_(The WOMEN guide LAMPTON through the chaos. PROTESTERS scream and attempt to persuade LAMPTON from entering the building, but the WOMEN continue to guide her through.) _

_(TONY ORIEN approaches IOKI and PENHALL. Tony is a student at the local high school and the son of the preacher at the head of the protest movement, ANTHONY ORIEN.)_

TONY: Hey aren't you two in my geography class?

PENHALL: Yeah, I think so, Lincoln High, right?

TONY: For sure, I'm Tony Orien

PENHALL: Doug Penn, this here is my brother Harry.

IOKI: Nice to meet you

TONY: Brother?

IOKI: _(Laughs) _We get that a lot, we're both adopted. Our father believes that if the lord has blessed you with a good live, then you should try to give back. So our parents adopted us, along with our sister, Judy.

TONY: That's amazing

PENHALL: Our father is an amazing man. We're blessed to have him in our lives.

TONY: You guys are new in town, right?

PENHALL: You got that right, just got here about two weeks ago.

TONY: Two weeks? Why didn't you start at Lincoln until today?

IOKI: We needed to help our father set up house.

TONY: What about your mother?

PENHALL: She passed about a year and a half ago.

TONY: Sorry to hear that

PENHALL: It was just her time. She's with the lord now.

TONY: Have you found a church yet?

IOKI: Still looking for one with the right principles. A lot of churches around here are pretty lax, we're found.

TONY: You've got that right! Well, my father's a preacher, he actually organized this protest

PENHALL: Wow

IOKI: No kiddin'

TONY: He sure did. You guys should come with me on Sunday, bring your family. I'm sure you'll like his message.

PENHALL: Sounds great. What's the church?

TONY: Mayflower Church. It's on 5th street.

IOKI: What time is the service?

TONY: Ten AM

PENHALL: We'll be there.

TONY: Good, good. _(Looks back towards the barriers where another girl stands with her escorts) _Oh, we've got another one! She looks like she might turn around, good girl!

_(PENHALL, IOKI, and TONY begins protesting again)_

_INSIDE THE CLINIC. LAMPTON looks through pamphlets on pregnancy. She looks around, trying to appear inconspicuous, but nerves are apparent. STACY CALLER walks out with STEVE JOLIE in tow. STEVE JOLIE sees LAMPTON, sighs, and shakes his head before walking away. LAMPTON ignores this action. STACY CALLER, unaware of LAMPTON'S true purpose, walks over to LAMPTON with concern._

STACY CALLER: Something I can help you with, sweetheart?

LAMPTON: Umm—yeah, well, I think I might need, well

STACY CALLER: It's ok, sweetie. You're safe here. My name is Stacy, this is my clinic. What's your name?

LAMPTON: Priss

STACY CALLER: And how old are you, Priss?

LAMPTON: I'm sixteen.

STACY CALLER: Okay, Priss, would you like to talk to somebody?

LAMPTON: Yeah—yeah, I would.

STACY CALLER: Ok, Priss, why don't you have a seat in the waiting room here

LAMPTON: Ok

STACY CALLER: Good, I'll be right back.

_(LAMPTON takes a seat near another teenage girl, EFFIE. She sips on a glass of water nervously, looking around the office trying to find something else to focus on.)_

LAMPTON: Are you here alone, too?

EFFIE: Huh?

LAMPTON: I'm here by myself and I'm not good at being by myself, so I was wondering if you were alone too so that we could not be alone together.

EFFIE: Yeah, yeah, I'm alone.

_(LAMPTON takes a seat next to EFFIE)_

LAMPTON: I'm Priss

EFFIE: Effie

LAMPTON: I'm sweating like a whore in church.

EFFIE: You have nothing to worry about, Priss. They take good care of you here. Nothing bad is going to happen.

LAMPTON: Those protesters mean business. I swear to god they're out for blood.

EFFIE: I just keep praying that nothing else bad will happen. I know God has forgiven me for my sins, so the protesters can't get me. I'm protected by his love.

LAMPTON: Is it hard to keep your faith? Y'know, in a place like this?

EFFIE: It was at first. That was my biggest sin, I hated God for not listening, for not stopping him. But I've since realized that God was listening all along, and he's been doing his best to help me. But sometimes others need his help first, and I'll just have to be patient. I know soon enough this will all be over.

LAMPTON: What will all be over?

EFFIE: Not all girls come here by choice, Priss.

_(A WOMAN walks out from the backroom. She looks around the waiting room, confused.)_

WOMAN: Where's the rest of the group, Effie?

EFFIE: Protesters scared them off, I think.

WOMAN: Oh, well, I guess we could just meet one-on-one

EFFIE: I would like that

WOMAN: All right, you want to come on back

EFFIE: Thank-you

_(EFFIE stands up and gathers up her possessions)_

EFFIE: You'll be fine, I promise, Priss.

LAMPTON: Thanks, Effie.

_(EFFIE stands up and exits, the WOMAN gives her a warm smile as she passes. The WOMAN turns her attention to LAMPTON)_

WOMAN: Would you like to come to the support group, miss?

LAMPTON: For what?

WOMAN: Victims of sexual abuse

LAMPTON: Oh, no, I guess I don't belong in that one, m'am. Thank-you, though.

WOMAN: Belong or not, you're always welcome. Sometimes it's just good for these girls to see people supporting them instead of putting them down for what they've gone through. A lot of time people forget that these girls are the victims, anything they do after the fact is just dealing with the trauma.

LAMPTON: I'll remember that

_(WOMAN exits and STACY CALLER reappears with a FEMALE DOCTOR)_

STACY CALLER: Priss?

LAMPTON: _(Meekly) _Yea?

STACY CALLER: Priss, this is Doctor Monroe, she'll be taking care of you today, ok?

LAMPTON: Thanks

STACY CALLER: I promise, Priss, everything will be okay. You don't have to worry. We'll take good care of you.

_(LAMPTON gathers up her things and exits with the DOCTOR)_

_MAYFLOWER CHURCH. The Church is well decorated, filled with flowers, and is filled with people working on projects, worshipping, etc. There is a young children's choir rehearsing. ANTHONY ORIEN stands at the front preparing his next sermon. HANSON enters. He looks around a moment, then RYAN ANDREWS approaches him. _

RYAN ANDREWS: Something we can help you with, son?

HANSON: Yes, I'm a seminary student and I'm interested in speaking with Antony Orien.

RYAN ANDREWS: Well you've come to the right place, I'll take you to him

HANSON: Thank-you

RYAN ANDREWS: I'm Ryan Andrews, by the way. I'm in charge of the public relations here at Mayflower.

HANSON: Tom Henderson, I'm hoping to get to know your church a little bit better. I've only heard good things.

RYAN ANDREWS: Good, good._ (Approaches ANTHONY ORIEN) _Anthony, I would like to introduce Tom Henderson to you, he's a local seminary student. Wanted to meet the man himself.

HANSON: It's great to finally meet you in person, Pastor Orien

ANTHONY ORIEN: Oh, please, call me Anthony, Tom.

HANSON: All right, Anthony.

ANTHONY ORIEN: So what can I do for you, Tom?

HANSON: I'm just interested in shadowing you for a little bit, Anthony, if that's all right. I'm finishing up my last year in seminary school, and I've heard a lot of good things about Mayflower, your contributions, and your philosophy, and I would, well, simply put, like to be a part of something this great.

ANTHONY OREIN: Oh, son, you flatter.

HANSON: Don't be so modest, you've done some great things for this church.

ANTHONHY OREIN: You've been reading the papers, right? Don't believe all the hype, Ryan writes most of it. I'm not that great of a man, I'm merely facilitating a way for people to do what is right.

HANSON: But you're making a way for people to take a stand. Express their beliefs, and fight against something that God would have never wanted.

ANTHONY ORIEN: You have been reading the papers. Ryan will be happy to hear that he has a fan.

HANSON: I'll let him know.

ANTHONY ORIEN: So you'd like to shadow me, eh?

HANSON: If you would let me

ANTHONY ORIEN: I would be more than happy to, son.

HANSON: Thanks

_LATER THAT NIGHT. PLAYGROUND nearby the WOMEN'S CLINIC. STEVE JOLIE, FULLER, BRENT CALDER, FINN EMERY, and other OFFICERS and EMTs stand outside. Ambulance and police lights are flashing in the background, everyone seems in a panic of activity. There is a body of a young girl covered by a white sheet. FULLER and STEVE JOLIE bend down closer to the body. FULLER lifts the white sheet back, revealing a bloody and beaten EFFIE. _

FULLER: Poor girl didn't have a chance

STEVE JOLIE: Who found her?

FULLER: Report says that a neighbor, Charles Kennedy, heard a scuffle outside on the playground, assumed it was just a bunch of teens up to no good, and called the police. Officers Calder and Emery arrived on the scene first, they were on duty at the Clinic. Body was still warm.

STEVE JOLIE: Do we have an ID?

FULLER: No, the Officers said they recognize her from around the clinic, but they didn't know her name. Apparently she's a regular.

STEVE JOLIE: Making her a top target

FULLER: She can't be more than fifteen

STEVE JOLIE: You're officers better live up to their word, Adam. I want this bastard. I want his head on a pike and his balls on a platter.

FULLER: You and the rest of the force, Steve.

STEVE JOLIE: I'm just sayin', we better not be wasting time with Jump Street.

FULLER: I can promise you, you're not.

_CHAPEL. IOKI, HANSON, PENHALL, LAMPTON, and HOFFS all sit around the table shifting through evidence and comparing their days. The CHAPEL is a flutter with activity, acting as a temporary headquarters for the task force. FULLER enters carrying the new case file. IOKI, HANSON, PENHALL, LAMPTON, and HOFFS stop what they're doing and look up when FULLER enters. He sighs and passes out copies of the evidence file on EFFIE. _

IOKI: I was hoping it wasn't true.

HOFFS: _(Opening file) _God she's young

FULLER: The best guesstimate is fifteen right now. We're waiting on the word from the clinic for confirmation.

PENHALL: We have an ID?

LAMPTON: Her name's Effie.

FULLER: You know her?

LAMPTON: Yeah, met her today, actually.

HOFFS: You okay, Priss?

LAMPTON: _(Disbelief) _I mean, yeah, I guess, but, wow. It had to be her, huh?

FULLER: Do you know her last name?

LAMPTON: No, but the clinic should. She was in a program there.

IOKI: Program?

LAMPTON: Yeah, a support group for victims of sexual abuse.

HANSON: Oh wow

HOFFS: Poor girl

PENHALL: We gotta get this guy, Captain. This isn't right.

FULLER: Keep working the angles, guys. The answer is somewhere in or around that clinic.

HANSON: Will do, Captain

_(Everyone begins to pack up their things and prepares to leave for the evening. FULLER turns to exit to his OFFICE, but he turns a moment, remembering something he had heard earlier that day.)_

FULLER: Oh, and I hear congratulations are in order, Hanson

HANSON: Thanks, Captain. We're really happy.

FULLER: Good to hear. We'll celebrate properly once this is all over. Getting engaged it a big deal, we can't let it go untoasted.

HANSON: Thanks, Captain. I'll see you tomorrow.

_(FULLER exits to his OFFICE. HANSON turns around and looks to LAMPTON, who is doing her best to avoid eye contact. HOFFS, PENHALL, and IOKI exchange worried glances, but continue to gather their things and say their goodbyes.)_

HANSON: I meant to tell you, Priss.

LAMPTON: You would have told me eventually, I'm sure, Hanson. Fuller just beat you to it.

HANSON: I wanted to tell you myself.

LAMPTON: It's okay. I'm just glad I found out. Congratulations, she seems like a really great girl.

_(LAMPTON exits, leaving HANSON alone. He watches her go, with a melancholic confusion, until she is completely out of sight. She never looks back. With a soft sigh, he sits back down and takes out the case folders. He suddenly doesn't feel like rushing home. He begins working again.)_

_THE NEXT DAY. MAYFLOWER CHURCH. The church is aflutter with its usual activity, but HANSON sits talking with ANTHONY ORIEN. HANSON is holding a copy of the newspaper, with an article on the Draconian Killer showing strategically. _

ANTHONY ORIEN: _(Motioning towards the paper) _I see you've read today's newest

HANSON: Yeah, I did.

ANTHONY ORIEN: What do you think about all of these killings?

HANSON: There's a lot to consider. I mean on one hand it's sad to see so many young girls being killed, but on the other hand, these girls were murders themselves

ANTHONY ORIEN: And what conclusion can you draw?

HANSON: That's where I was hoping you could help me. I don't know what to think about all of this.

ANTHONY ORIEN: Pray on it. An answer will come, Tom.

_(RYAN ANDREWS walks over)_

RYAN ANDREWS: Sorry to interrupt, Anthony, but we need to talk to you for a minute. Do you mind if we snag him away for a minute, Tom?

HANSON: What's going on?

RYAN ANDREWS: Just some church stuff we need Anthony's input on.

ANTHONY ORIEN: Really boring, I know, but somebody's got to make these decisions. I'll be back in a little bit, Tom, just make yourself comfortable. Talk with some of the other members of the congregation, they might help you find your answer.

HANSON: Sure thing, Anthony.

RYAN ANDREWS: All right, we'll be just a minute.

_(HANSON watches as RYAN ANDREWS and ANTHONY ORIEN walk away. They meet up with a small grouping of male congregation members. They look serious, peaking HANSON'S interest. He stares at them intently, but it broken from his trace by DAPHANE ADAMS, a petite, sixty-something member of the congregation)_

DAPHNE ADAMS: They'll invite you to join soon enough

HANSON: Excuse me?

DAPHNE ADAMS: Their boys club. They'll let you join soon. They just want to make sure that you're right for the group. Kind of like a fraternity, just less hazing. I'm Daphne Adams, long time member of the congregation. Long time before Anthony Orien.

HANSON: Tom Henderson

DAPHNE ADAMS: Well, nice to meet you, Tom.

HANSON: So, Daphne, as a long time member of this congregation, what are they talking about?

DAPHNE ADAMS: While I do know a great many things that is one thing I do not know. _(Sighs) _The church certainly has changed a lot since Anthony Orien got here.

HANSON: From what I understand the changes he's implemented have done the church a lot of good

DAPHNE ADAMS: Oh no, they got to you already did they? Bought those lines hook, line, and sinner, eh?

HANSON: Whatda mean?

DAPHNE ADAMS: Look a little closer at what's going on here, Tom. It ain't nothing good, and it ain't nothing church like.

HANSON: Then why stick around?

DAPHNE ADAMS: This is my church. I'm not letting some idiot SOB like Anthony Orien take it from me. Excuse my language.

HANSON: I've heard worse, Mrs. Adams, you're quite okay.

DAPHNE ADAMS: Oh, Mrs. Adams, you're making me feel old, Tom! Call me Daphne.

HANSON: All right, Daphne.

_(ANTHONY ORIEN begins walking back towards HANSON and DAPHNE ADAMS)_

DAPHNE ADAMS: It looks like the man of the hour is on his way back here. Probably would like to have your undivided attention again, god knows how much he dislikes sharing the spotlight!

HANSON: Thanks for the tip, Daphne.

DAPHNE ADAMS: Just keep your eyes open and your head on your shoulders. Okay? You seem like a good kid, I don't want you getting mixed up in anything you'll regret.

HANSON: I will

ANTHONY OREIN: Tom, I see you've met one of Mayflower's oldest members, the lovely Mrs. Daphne Adams

DAPHNE ADAMS: I best be leaving you two to your talk.

_(DAPHNE ADAMS says her goodbyes and leaves)_

ANTHONY ORIEN: So what were you two chatting about so privately over here?

HANSON: Daphne was kind enough to introduce herself to me, offered to be my escort to the next service.

ANTHONY ORIEN: How kind of her. Are you going to take her up on her offer?

HANSON: We'll see

ANTHONY ORIEN: Good, good. You know, when you have a minute, I'd really like to talk to you about a few, slightly more sensitive issues.

HANSON: I have a minute.

ANTHONY ORIEN: All right, come with me, Tom.

HANSON: I just need to call my fiancé, let her know I'll be a little late for dinner.

ANTHONY ORIEN: All right, I'll meet you in the lobby. Five minutes sufficient?

HANSON: Plenty.

_MEDICAL EXAMINER'S OFFICE. The autopsy of EFFIE VARDALIAS. FULLER and STEVE JOLIE stand with the MEDICAL EXAMINER. The body of Effie Vardalias lies on the table, ready to be examined. STACY CALLER enters, being chased by security. _

SECURITY: M'am, m'am you can't go in there! M'am!

STACY CALLER: I am a medical professional, and this girl's only doctor! I am and I will attend her autopsy.

MEDICAL EXAMINER: What are you doing in here, lady! This isn't a free show! Cops only!

STACY CALLER: I know these cops, isn't that good enough?

STEVE JOLIE: _(Annoyed) _Dr. Caller, what are you doing here?

STACY CALLER: Advocating for my patient.

STEVE JOLIE: We're cutting her open and finding cause of death. What is there to advocate?

STACY CALLER: This girl never had anyone to advocate for her in life. I'm sure as hell not going to let that continue in death. I'm staying.

FULLER: It's fine, continue with the examination, doctor.

STEVE JOLIE: Why is this your call? This is my case, Adam.

FULLER: Call it Captain seniority.

STEVE JOLIE: Captain seniority?

FULLER: You wanna keep delaying this autopsy, Steve, or may we continue?

STEVE JOLIE: Fine. Whatever.

MEDICAL EXAMINER: Are we ready, folks, or are we expecting the Mad Hatter and Alice to be joining us as well?

FULLER: We're ready, Doctor. Sorry about the delay, Dr. Caller here will be the last addition to the witnesses.

MEDICAL EXAMINER: All right. We'll begin. _(Turns on tape recorder) _This is the autopsy of Effie Vardalais, age seventeen…

_MAYFLOWER CHURCH. BACK ROOM. HANSON enters with ANTHONY ORIEN. MEN from the church stand around, including RYAN ANDREWS. _

MEDICAL EXAMINER: _(Voice over) _There are obvious signs of prolonged abuse, several healed broken bones, fractures, etc. There are several fresh bruises both post and pre-mortem.

_MAYFLOWER CHURCH. BACKROOM. The MEN show HANSON files from the clinic, eagerly plotting their next move. HANSON sighs and shakes his head, as PENHALL, IOKI, HOFFS, and LAMPTON enter._

MEDICAL EXAMINER: _(Voice over) _The beating, which most likely involved fists, kicks, and from these wood splinters in her skin I can assume is a baseball bat. This caused internal and external bleeding which, after several hours, resulted in her death.

_HANSON, PENHALL, LAMPTON, IOKI, and HOFFS escort the MEN, including ANTHONY ORIEN and RYAN ANDREWS from MAYFLOWER CHURCH. As they exit, PENHALL and IOKI pass TONY ORIEN, who begins shouting angrily, but CHURCH PATRONS hold him back. PENHALL sighs, but ignores Tony as he leaves. _

_LATER THAT NIGHT. JUMP STREET CHAPEL. The CHAPEL is a flutter of activity as OFFICERS begins dismantling the temporary headquarters. HANSON, PENHALL, IOKI, HOFFS, and LAMPTON all sit together at the conference table annoyed by all the craziness. _

IOKI: I'm so glad to see them go

PENHALL: I never thought I would be annoyed by a police station before. I mean, I'm a police officer. Which means I should work well in a Police Station. But damn, being a police officer in a police station sucks.

IOKI: Really sucks

HANSON: They're always doing something

IOKI: Always asking for something

PENHALL: I never thought I would miss Fuller's yelling. At least he yells with love. These guys, no love.

HOFFS: I kinda liked it actually

HANSON, IOKI, and PENHALL: WHAT?

HOFFS: There was something always going on

LAMPTON: I'm with Hoffs. I like always having something to do instead of just paperwork. Makes me feel more useful.

PENHALL: They're kidding, right?

HANSON: I don't think so, buddy.

PENHALL: Please, just tell me they're kidding. I need something to believe in. Ever since Santa Claus was taken away, things just haven't been the same. Believing that everyone else was equally as miserable under the Steve Jolie Regime made me feel whole again. It was like Santa Claus was back.

HANSON: Shh, shh, come here, big guy. It'll be okay.

_(PENHALL leans into HANSON, who pats him soothingly.)_

HOFFS: All right, I take it back. I was kidding.

PENHALL: _(Bounces back) _I knew it!

HOFFS: Totally. I got you.

PENHALL: Never scare me like that again, babe.

HOFFS: Whatever I can do to make it up, I will.

PENHALL: Well, funny you should say that.

HOFFS: Oh no

LAMPTON: You fell right into that one, Jude.

PENHALL: Tommy is about to get married. And we were thinking that we needed to celebrate his big step towards adulthood. With beer. And no women…that we know.

HOFFS: Doug

PENHALL: I take back that last comment

IOKI: _(to HANSON)_ No he doesn't

HANSON: _(to IOKI) _Oh, she knows that. But she just wants him to say it, so he'll have the fear. Jude's a master of implanting fear in Penhall.

HOFFS: _(Sighs) _Fine. We'll take a rain check on date night

PENHALL: _(Kisses HOFFS excitedly) _Awesome, babe! And you shouldn't skip out on date night, take Priss with you instead! It'll be like I'm having a guys night out and you two are having a girls night out.

HOFFS: Yeah, well, we'll see.

PENHALL: What do you _(HANSON nudges him) _Oooh, get it. Shutting up now.

LAMPTON: At least he's learning to stop talking. It's not perfect yet, but he's getting there.

HOFFS: I'll see you later, babe. Have a great night.

PENHALL: Bye _(shouting) _Yo! Fuller! We're good!

_(FULLER exits out of his OFFICE with his hat and coat, ready to go)_

FULLER: Have a great girls night out, ladies

HOFFS: They really planned this out, didn't they

LAMPTON: I feel cheap and used

HANSON: Thanks again, Jude. Penhall was very important to this plan. Mainly because it was his own plan.

IOKI: We'll see you two tomorrow!

_(PENHALL, HANSON, IOKI, and FULLER say their goodbyes and exit.)_

LAMPTON: So…no girls night, huh?

HOFFS: Did you really think we were ready for something like that again?

LAMPTON: No, I guess I just thought you were on the us becoming the best of friends again team.

HOFFS: I was, and I am, maybe

LAMPTON: Maybe?

HOFFS: _(Sighs) _Priss, I can't do this. This isn't a friendship, this is a minefield.

LAMPTON: _(Upset) _What?

HOFFS: You're one of my favorite people, you are. You are loving, you are loyal, and you're funny as all hell, but I feel like I've had to walk on egg shells around you recently. And that's not a friendship. I shouldn't have to work this hard to be your friend.

LAMPTON: What are you saying, Judy?

HOFFS: I'm saying that I've just been thinking. I haven't made any decisions. I'm just flirting with the idea. As much as it breaks my heart, I'm starting to wonder if it's what is best for everyone. We can't keep being at each other's throats every other week. We have to be able to work together, because I know neither one of us wants to give up this job. And maybe to do that, we just can't be best friends anymore.

LAMPTON: Is there anything I can do to make you change your mind?

HOFFS: Prove me wrong.

LAMPTON: Is that even possible?

HOFFS: I really hope so, because, despite everything, I don't want you to be alone.

_BAR. HANSON, PENHALL, IOKI, and FULLER cheers. They sit happily chatting, smiling, and laughing._

_HOFFS' HOME. HOFFS sits on her couch watching TV and eating popcorn. PENHALL enters. HOFFS smiles and gives him a friendly kiss. PENHALL settles in next to HOFFS, putting his arm around her._

_HANSON'S APARTMENT. HANSON comes home to find ANNIE unpacking and settling into the apartment. HANSON smiles as he enters, he walks over and begins to help her unpack. She smiles appreciatively._

_IOKI'S APARTMENT. IOKI comes home to LORI, the woman who HANSON went out on a blind date with earlier. She is doing yoga peacefully, he watches her a moment before she realizes he is there. When she does she smiles and greets him excitedly._

_FULLER'S HOME. A WOMAN sits on FULLER'S COUCH, they talk easily. He hands her a glass of wine and joins her on the couch with one of his own. _

_LAMPTON'S HOME. LAMPTON enters quietly. She walks in and checks on EMMA, who is sleeping soundly. She walks to the kitchen and pours herself a glass of wine, before settling into the couch and turning on the TV, alone._

_THE NEXT DAY. JUMP STREET CHAPEL. HANSON, IOKI, LAMPTON, and HOFFS all sit at their desks quietly. PENHALL enters, looking upset, holding the paper. He throws it down on the conference table. _

PENHALL: We missed this. We should have seen this coming.

HOFFS: Seen what coming, Doug?

PENHALL: Tony Orien, the happy homicidal minister's son. He planted an explosive device inside of the clinic. Killed himself and injured five others, both associated and not associated with the clinic.

HANSON: Penhall, you can't blame yourself for that.

PENHALL: He was yelling. He was just as militant as his father. We should have seen this coming.


End file.
